tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20831465.post-86823845165802824892008-04-18T10:08:00.004-04:002008-04-18T10:28:16.014-04:00One thing I don't think non-infertile people understand is how we infertiles are conditioned by our infertility.<br /><br />Our experiences really do shape how we respond to and react to most anything else in the world.<br /><br />Take for example, Harry's and my search for a home.<br /><br />We began the process hopeful and excited. We brought our digital camera to all the houses we viewed. We took detailed pictures and extensive notes.<br /><br />We found a house we loved! Put in a contract and guess what! BFN!<br /><br />A little disappointed but we moved on...searching....<br /><br />Found another house we liked... made an offer... someone beat us to it! BFN!<br /><br />Soon the house searching became tedious and more of a chore than an adventure.<br /><br />House #3 - BFN<br />House # 4 - <a href="http://homebuying.about.com/od/4closureshortsales/a/shortsalebasics.htm">short sale</a> - waited 5 agonizing weeks for-- yep-- a BFN!!<br />House # 5 - BFN- comeback with more $$<br />House #6 - BFN<br />House # 7 - BFN<br /><br />All our offers were rejected or countered with a much too high price tag for us. Some houses had already received a ratified contract the day we were making our offer. Each phone call from our realtor seemed very much like the phone call from the RE,<br /><br />"Not this time, it just didn't work."<br /><br />I knew it was bad when Harry said, "This feels like IVF/IUI all over again. It's like we're being told NO! again."<br /><br />It seemed like a simple search for a home. With a market in the dumps surely we'd find a house we could call home. We never thought we'd have a single family home in Northern VA but dare we, dare we hope?<br /><br />And you know what happens when you hope. She turns around and smacks you in the face.<br /><br /><em>"Ha, ha, take that you silly fools!"</em><br /><em></em><br />Agonizing, heart breaking, depressing.<br /><br />So conditioned to failure, so accustomed to heart break.<br /><br />We understand the word <strong>"NO"</strong> all too well.<br /><br />Until Wednesday. On Wednesday we got the phone call. We made an offer on Monday and on Wednesday offer #8 was accepted!!<br /><br />We should be happy! We should be joyous! We finally made it!<br /><br />Or have we? Conditioned.<br /><br />We are terrified we'll loose our house. Silly? perhaps. But we're conditioned to loosing. Conditioned to failing. Conditioned to having the rug ripped out from underneath us.<br /><br />I won't exhale until I have a RLH (real live house). Our due date (closing) is May 14. The day after Harry's birthday and 4 days before our EDD from our September loss.<br /><br />Will May suck? It's still a waiting game.Sunny Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04279507232889931671noreply@blogger.com