The Adventures of Funkyman

Movie Blah-ging

2008-06-23T01:20:00.002-04:00

Since my run-in with Speed Racer, I've had the chance to catch a few more movies on my list. Namely, Indiana Jones & the Kingodm of the Crystal Skull and The Incredible Hulk.

In my humble opinion . . . People are torn about how to critique fantasy franchises.

Con Argument: This is so ridiculous and unbelievable!

Pro Argument: Duh! It's fantasy, get it?

So let's get that out of the way. No one expects an Indiana Jones movie to be believable. HOWEVER, there used to be something called storytelling and pacing, which the Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull outing have neither. And sorry to say, I hated this film.

One of my fondest memories is the summer of 1981. I grew up in Memphis, but in the summers I would often visit my relatives here in the north. And that particular summer, I was staying with my Uncle Robbie here in Boston. I was 10 years old. He took me and my older brother to Dedham Community Theater on a hot July day to stand in line to see "Raiders of the Lost Ark." You know the rest of the story. Yes, I'm the generation of the hardest critics of this franchise, because my adolescence is wrapped up in falling in love with this movie, these characters, and this fantasy world. Yes, that goes for Superman (1978) and Star Wars too (1977). You wanna know about the sequels? Ask me and my friends.

And most people who are honest will admit the following truths about the Indy saga:

1. "Raiders" is the best one of the four.
2. "Temple of Doom" (until now) was the least enjoyable.
3. "Last Crusade" was fun.

If I can expound on these simple truths:

1. "Raiders" is the best not because we fell in love with Indy and we were kids. It's the ONLY one of the four that presents situations that create intensity for the viewer - the boulder scene and the plane escape are our introduction to Indy and of course we're hit like a Mack truck by the grandeur of the display. But that's quickly followed by a multiple-country quest for clues to the lost Ark, and the stops and falls along the way are so well timed and full of real danger and fear, that we're unsure how the movie's going to end. And when you do get to the ending (which no one could imagine), you're left actually breathless. "Raiders" is the best because it's the only one of the four that achieve us feeling like we've been on this journey with Indy.

2. "Temple of Doom" was a complete departure from the "Raiders" framework, which would seem like a good idea. It was a necessary experiment - that failed. Short Round? Musical numbers? Eating mokey brains and bugs? Bugs? Bugs? More bugs? Pulling hearts still beating from a man's chest? Stones? Frakking stones? (BG reference, sorry) No, this was a test of patience for something cool to happen and all I got was grossed out. I still can't watch this one again.

3. "Last Crusade" would have suffered the fate of "Crystal Skull" if not for the following: A really cool "Young Indy" feature at the beginning of the movie - Steven Spielberg at his best. Sean Connery - everyone loves Sean Connery and the chemistry with Harrison Ford was undeniable. Admit it, the Holy Grail is the coolest sought after object in history. Props given. And the final scene with the Knight was really cool. These elements are why we enjoyed the movie, but the rest was forced action and silly bad guys trying to restore the ambience of "Raiders." Nice try, but no cigar. Still, it was enjoyable.

Which brings us to the final (we can only pray) installment. Everything that went wrong in the past has been done times ten here. I love Shia LeBoeuf, but let's get serious, what was he doing in this movie? Every stunt in this movie had no setup to make us care and then they were so over the top that you end up just laughing - nuclear explosions ("quick, get in the fridge!"), killer ants that consume your body in seconds, frakking TARZAN! ("hey I fell off the jeep, let me swing through the jungle with these monkeys!"). And then the still unexplained point behind the Crystal Skull. I mean, was there a prize or not? It seems the only prize was dying a horrible death, but whatever. I had already checked out. And also, wasn't that the EXACT same ending from the first X-Files movie? Ugh!

Have I exhausted this subject? Let's move on.

All I can say about the Hulk is that everyone is way too hard on Ang Lee's version. Yes, the father storyline ruined the movie. Yes, Nick Nolte was actually the star and the Hulk was a side character. Yes, we want more Hulk. However, the Hulk sequences were so good, come on. The dog fight? The escape from the military base? The jaunt through the desert? That was worth the price of admission for me, and I thought they were well done. However, as I've said in the past, great special effects doth not a great movie make. However, what did people expect? It's hard to make these comic book adaptations.

So the door was wide open for the new Hulk. Honestly, it was better, but not much. I could have done with more Hulk and less drama, just like the first go-round, except this time the drama was relevant. I also dig the Avengers angle they're sticking in there. Bottom line, there's potential for more here, where there was none after Ang Lee's attempt. Worth seeing on the big screen? - DEFINITELY. Best comic book adaptation? - DEFINITELY NOT.

And a quick recap of the other movies on my list:

Sex & the City - Haven't seen it yet, but glad it was well-received. Probably catch it on DVD. Funds are tight.
Kung-Fu Panda - My daughter is afraid of the evil character so we couldn't see it. I'm going to try to catch it in IMAX by myself. Gotta love IMAX!
Don't Mess with the Zohan - DVD rental at best. Why would I see this on the big screen? I like to laugh, but I'm a patient man.
The Happening - Unfortunately it seems my prediction came true. I'm sorry but like Speed Racer, I'll listen to a 100 critics if it means my $11 or a rental.
Get Smart - See "Don't Mess with the Zohan" review.

See you all at the movies! Iron Man rocked!

- Funkyman

Go Speed Racer! (. . . and keep going)

2008-05-29T13:21:00.003-04:00

A couple of days ago, a Funkyman reader wrote in that I should give Speed Racer a try despite my instincts and what critics say. I told her that I accept the challenge, and I saw the film yesterday.

Remember that girl in school who looked really good, but when she opened her mouth - Duh?
Remember that president who talked about restoring dignity to the White House and then - Duh?
Remember that movie that looked impressive on screen, but in between the effects - nothing?

So goes the tale of Speed Racer.

You know, I knew that with a $100 million dollar budget and with the creative genius of the Wachowski Brothers that Speed Racer would be different and a sight to behold - however, I learned a long time ago that great special effects doth not a great movie make. And even the effects themselves can take away from the experience.

Here's an example: Try watching Terminator 2 without the liquid metal effects scenes. It's one of the worst movies of all time. The dialogue is ridiculous and the storyline is filled with holes. It's painful. But if you remember seeing it that summer of '91, everyone was raving about "how cool!" - including me. Forgive me, I was a younger man and cool effects can make for a great movie experience, but after it wears off, you're left with trying appreciating the whole package, and it just ain't there.

If I were to judge Speed Racer on its technical feats and computer wizardry, I would say I'm impressed. But I want more. As I wrote last year, I'm looking for both the fantasy and the substance, and if you cut out the driving sequences, Speed Racer is beyond painful, but I will say it is a successful translation from the equally ridiculous cartoon that inspired it. Don't get me wrong - I've been the fan of many a ridiculous cartoon, but that doesn't make them not ridiculous. That just makes me a fanboy. However, while I hold on to some of that childish wonder (Iron Man ROCKED), another part of me grew up and I look back on things I loved as a kid with embarrassment and shame, and a lot of them are Animé or Japanese monster movies- Voltron, Galaxy Express, Starblazers, Ultraman, Godzilla, and yes Speed Racer. The most recent examples of this embarrasment are the Power Rangers craze and Pokemon to name a couple, but throw in Dragonball Z if you must. Fun while you're a kid and then you grow up and look back - WOW!

Coolness IS a factor. And Speed Racer would have been cooler had the animation not been so over the top. Things were so outrageously impossible and so fast that it was hard to appreciate. In the end, it just looked like a lot of stuff going really fast, and the eye couldn't really focus on the drama that should be created by a race.

Now, I saw Speed Racer in IMAX, so it was larger than life, and that made it worthwhile. But it was 2 hours and 15 minutes, way too long for what it accomplished, and that's a shame because the actors weren't bad. I actually enjoyed Matthew Fox's performance as Racer X.

Speed Racer is hardly the worst movie I've ever seen. But my instincts were correct. And for the record, I don't decide what movies to see based on what a movie critic says. However, I do peruse RottenTomatoes.com where they compile the reviews of every movie, and only 35% of the reviewers thought it was good. That's over a 100 critics who described the movie as I have. So, do I listen to a 100 critics? Yeah, when it's going to cost me $11 to figure it out on my own.

Sorry, but unless you're an effects junkie (and after the barrage of color and speed I saw yesterday, I OD'd on effects) don't even rent the video because the effects will be underwhelming on a small screen.

Hey, I kept my word and gave it a shot. I should get points for that.

- Funkyman

Candyland

2008-05-21T13:27:00.005-04:00

I'm in heaven. Total heaven.

Last summer I wrote about thirsting for fantasy. Click here if you missed it. However, this summer is cooking up to be the most awesome fantasy movie summer of all time. Between sci-fi, fantasy, superhero, and comic book adaptations - it's a fanboy's dream come true - a Candyland of sorts. And I am also a big fan of GOOD comedies, which are in short surplus. However, a couple of those look promising as well.

Enough chatter - here is Funkyman's Guide to SUMMER 2008 Movies. You're welcome.

Iron Man - May 2 - Already saw it. AAMMAAZZIINNGG. No, it's not The English Patient, but for a comic-book superhero movie, it will rank as one of the best of all time. I would pay full-price to see it again - and that's high praise. It ROCKED!

Speed Racer - May 9 - I think I'll wait for the discount DVD rental. It looked cheesy from the beginning, and after reading several reviews, I could tell that I won't be spending $11 to see this one. Nice try, Wachowskis. You created The Matrix, so you're still cool in my book. Now if I could just forgive you for those two sequels . . .

The Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian - May 16 - Just saw it last night. It was OK. The first one was much better, but I'm a fan of the book series, so I was not disappointed. Nor, however, was I blown away.

Indiana Jones & the Crystal Skull - May 22 - God, PLEASE let this be good because it looks so cheesy. (For more info on the definition of "cheesy" click here.) Raiders of the Lost Ark is one of the best action/fantasy films of all time, and it is at the core of my inner 11-year old nature. I would love to tap into that again (a la Iron Man which ROCKED), but I figure if my hopes start low, I may be happily surprised. I'm rooting for this one.

Sex & the City - May 30 - Not the kind of "fantasy" movie you're thinking of. You people! But, my wife and I are big fans of the show, so of course, we'll be there for the movie. Can't wait - very exciting.

Kung Fu Panda - June 6 - Gotta love Jack Black in anything (except Nacho Libre - what the @#$%?), so we'll give this a shot with my 4-year old daughter. Dreamworks has done OK in the animation department in the past, so I'm sure it's going to be pretty good.

Don't Mess with the Zohan - June 6 - Adam Sandler is a hit-and-miss comedian these days, but I have to say this one looks pretty funny. My guess is it will do very well. Check back in a few weeks to see if my prediction was correct. Besides, how many movies about Israeli soldiers-turned-hairstylists are there? Exactly.

The Happening - June 13 - M. Night Shyamalan - Because he made The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable (one of my favorite movies), I'll continue to patronize his movies, but man has he had some duds - Signs, The Village (UGH!), and Lady in the Water. I'm hoping he can have a comeback with this one, but four bad movies in a row is bad news. Good luck.

The Incredible Hulk - June 13 - Yes, he's back again. A new hulk movie with a more comic-friendly treatment than Ang Lee's 2003 version with Eric Bana. I know we thought Ang Lee - great director, Eric Bana - great actor, Nick Nolte - great villain, what could go wrong? Well on June 13 we'll either have our answer or two films that don't work. Comic book adaptations are hard, which is why Iron Man gets high praise 'cause it ROCKED!

Get Smart - June 20 - TV show adaptations are even harder. But Steve Carell is one of the funniest men alive, so this may work. Keep your fingers crossed. I was a huge fan of this show when I was a kid. Glad to see the characters back.

Wanted - June 27 - Another comic book adaptation about a white-collar working man who discovers he is heir to a life as a super-villain assassin. In other words, I'll be there opening day.

Wall-E - June 27 - Pixar's latest offering. They've done fish, bugs, cars, superheroes, toys, and boogie-monsters. I guess outerspace robots are next. Well, they haven't had a bad film yet, so odds are good they didn't plan on making a bomb. I'm sure I'll see this one with the little one as well.

Hancock - July 2 - Will Smith, the king of the July 4 weekend/Save the World movie extravaganza is back as a Superman-like character who has personality issues. If this movie is not Wild, Wild West, it will make a lot of money. It looks really good, and Will Smith, who was amazing in I, Robot, and I am Legend looks promising as this character.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army - July 11 - Comic book adaptation #4 - Woo-hoo! The first Hellboy movie was superb so of course, everyone is expecting more of the same. I can't explain Hellboy in a sentence or two so google it if you're curious.

The Dark Knight - July 18 - Comic book adaptation #5 - Whoa! Ah, at last Christian Bale returns to reprise as Bruce Wayne in the movie that follows the ultra-successful Batman Begins. And we have Heath Ledger's last performance to boot. This will do quite well. Can't wait, because Iron Man ROCKED!

Step Brothers - July 25 - If you saw Talladega Nights and LIKED Talladega Nights, then this is a must-see for anyone who saw the chemistry between John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell. I want more.

The X-Files 2 - July 25 - I thought the first film was a quality sci-fi movie. I'm looking forward to this one as well, though I am not an expert on the TV series. Anyone who is more qualified, feel free to comment. But since it's sci-fi, I'll be there - a rule that has burned me more than once. Let's hope this isn't one of those times.

The Mummy 3 - August 1 - Ditto, and . . . Iron Man ROCKED!

Pineapple Express - August 8 - If you saw Knocked Up or Superbad and LIKED those films, then this is a must-see for anyone amused by the comic stylings of Seth Rogen, who stole many scenes in the 40-Year Old Virgin, another one of my favorite movies. He has since proved himself to be a force to be reckoned with . . . IF you're into this sort of thing.

Tropic Thunder - August 15 - Ditto for Ben Stiller, and of course we have to see Robert Downey, Jr. in black face. That's probably worth the price of admission alone. Oh, and do you know what other movie Robert Downey, Jr. is in this summer?

Star Wars: Clone Wars - August 15 - An animated feature that will probably be better than the last three live action ones. Don't sleep on this. Oh, and you haven't answered my last question yet - IRON MAN, BABY! WOO-HOO!!

As you can see, there is a lot to look forward to in the months ahead. I look forward to updating you on how these films fare in the mind of Funkyman, giving you my in depth analysis and profound perspective on Ameican 21st century cinema. Read my comprehensive review of Iron Man below.

Iron Man - Directed by Jon Favreau. Distributed by Marvel Studio Pictures. Starring Robert Downey, Jr., Jeff Bridges, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Terrence Howard. Released, Friday, May 2, 2008. Running Time 126 minutes. Rated PG-13. This movie rocked.

- Funkyman

I Hope Jesus Doesn't Watch TV

2008-04-30T13:29:00.001-04:00

I'm blogging again because I just want to get this off of my chest.

I am sick of Rev. Wright.
I am sick of Barack Obama's "panic mode" campaign.
I am sick of the critics of Obama and Wright.

Barack Obama was the member of a Christian Church for several years. Reverend Jeremiah Wright is a Christian pastor. A lot of the supporters of Wright are Christians themselves. A lot of the critics of Wright are also Christians.

As am I.

If any of these people have one ounce of humility, they would turn off the microphone, step away from the cameras, stop signing million-dollar book deals and going on press tours, live a life that sets an example for others by ACTIONS, not words, and SHUT THE HELL UP.

I apologize for this brief use of profanity on the usually family-friendly Funkyman blog. But, I mean what I say.

This bonfire of the vanities must end. I can't see the truth through all of this smoke.

- Funkyman

A New Era: Part 7

2008-04-28T02:52:00.003-04:00

Hello Funkinsians!
So many things to write about, but no time! I'm SO busy this month. Let's see, since I last blogged:

- I hosted the annual High School Gospel Fest here in Boston.
- I did my Spring Concert with Tufts University Gospel Choir.
- I did my Spring Concert with all of my Dana Hall Choirs.
- I did the Make-a-Wish Foundation Gala Event for the second year.
- I conducted my arrangement of the National Anthem at Fenway Park for the second year.

. . then the following day, I . . .

Seriously, April is the busiest month of the year for Funkyman, and thank God it's almost over.

I know you're asking yourself - "Funkyman, how do you relax and wind down from all of this work?" Well I'm glad you asked. The answer of course is - ROCK and RAP - and since I've already blogged about ROCK, you know what time it is.

Of all the kinds of music I've blogged about, this one is the hardest because there are so many wildly different opinions about this genre. Let me start by saying, I'm a child of the 70's, and the first record I ever owned was the Sugar Hill Gang. "Rapper's Delight" was a huge influence on me, and since it was probably my imprint, I love rap songs that are funky and make you feel good about life. About 10 years later, when NWA was singing "Gangsta Gangsta," I felt as if I was already too old to enjoy this music. And it makes complete sense that whoever was 7 or 8 at the time when that song came out was also imprinted - scary tales about life in the inner city, a negative attitude towards women and authority, and a glorification of alcohol and drugs became the definition of "good" rap music.

Now don't get me wrong, "Gangsta Gangsta" is genius, if for the music production by Dr. Dre alone, but also because one of most charismatic and successful rappers ever wrote it - Ice Cube. I grew to love this song, but what separated me from my young counterparts is that I was an adult, and I could appreciate it for its merits, but also criticize it for its problems - a maturity sorely missing in today's hip-hop.

Sugar Hill Gang inspired a generation of New York area rappers who took party music and began to rap about life - not in the glorification of crime - but rather the insight of a poet looking at his/her environment, whether it be socio-economic, interpersonal, or existentialist. These are what we call "Conscious" rappers, and these guys are my heroes. They are the antidote to the songs that glorify the negative images so easily portrayed and often enjoyed by all people. And thus a war is raging.

This war between Commercial success "Rap" and "Real Hip-Hop" continues today, and you'll find most of the people on my list of greatest rap acts are not necessarily commercial success stories. But since when did commercial success equal highest value? So here is my top ten list of greatest rap artists of all time (according to Funkyman).

10. Ghostface Killa - Probably not considered in the highest order when he first hit the scene in 1993 with Wu Tang Clan, especially since he was one of like 11 rappers in this group. Ol' Dirty Bastard and Method Man were more outlandish characters. However, time has proven that pound for pound, not one of the rappers in that group have been as prolific or as consistently lyrically impressive as Ghostface Killa. When this guy freestyles, it sounds better than most people's written rhymes. He has a gift for verbally painting a picture. I highly recommend "Special Delivery ( Bad Boy remix)." Not his greatest song, but an amazing display of how he MAKES a song good.

9. Aesop Rock - The only white rapper on my list is probably the most complex lyricist of the bunch. It would take several listenings to some of his songs to unlock the hidden meanings of his lyrics. He is in a word - ridiculous. I highly recommend "Daylight." It will change your life.

8. Black Thought - The frontman for The Roots is what hip-hop is all about. He can rap about anything and make it sound important, even if it's not - but it usually is. The reason he sounds this way is that he has one of the best voices in rap. You just want to listen forever. He is excellent with metaphors and social commentary. He's the kind of rapper who makes you think and makes you wonder what he's thinking. I highly recommend any of the Roots' albums, but definitely "Things Fall Apart" and the track "The Next Movement." Also, special mention that The Roots are a band - not a DJ with turntables. This is not better, just different - and GOOD.

7. Keith Murray - I love Keith Murray for two reasons - first, he uses his real name, a trait you will find rare in hip-hop, and second, he has one of the best vocabularies in rap and can still FLOW. With an edgy sound to his voice, Keith Murray is full of braggadocio, but always backs it up. He is best when paired with Erick Sermon and Redman, better known as Def Squad. I highly recommend "Full Cooperation" or "Dangerous Ground." I'll refund your money if you don't like.

6. Method Man - Also of the Wu Tang Clan fame, Method Man is by far the most famous and successful member of this group. This is mostly due to his entertaining and forever clever lyrics and delivery which truly are original. Simply put, everytime I hear him rap, I smile. That's a great gift. I highly recommend "Method Man" or "Bring the Pain."

5. Talib Kweli - Nobody doing rap right now is better than Talib. He is true to himself and his music, and if you like to think, he's your man. Highly spiritual and insightful, Talib's lyrics are what modern hip-hop needs the most, and he is one of the leaders of "real" hip-hop. I highly recommend "Get By" or "K.O.S. (Self-Determination)."

4. Mos Def - One of the most gifted artists alive, much less rappers, Mos Def is an amazing poet, rapper, singer, and actor. You will find his album, Black on Both Sides, in my top ten albums of all time. He represents everything good about hip-hop - the fun stuff and the serious. He is undeniable. I highly recommend "Hip Hop" from that album or "Definition" from the group Blackstar - Talib Kweli and Mos Def together on the same album. Yes!

3. Rakim - If you search the web, you will find Rakim at the top of the lists of greatest MC's of all time. Rakim is a lyricist's lyricist. He was probably the first rapper to make every rapper stop in his/her tracks to analyze how he composed a rhyme. Rakim was and is a genius wordsmith, and he also is known for introducing James Brown to a generation of kids who otherwise would not have payed attention. Thank you Rakim and thank you hip-hop. I highly recommend "Juice (Know the Ledge)" or "I Ain't No Joke."

2. Chuck D - The frontman for Public Enemy has long been my favorite rapper. His delivery is so original that NO ONE sounds like him. You can hear him a mile away. And all of his lyrics are social-conscious. His songs transcend music and become political trees ripe with information fruit and food for thought. Coupled with the groundbreaking DJ/producer Terminator X and the ultimate court jester Flavor Flav, Chuck D was the straight man in a crazy musical revolution ahead of its time. He was probably one of the oldest rappers in the game at the time, and his maturity was crystal clear. He definitely had an influence on my life. I recommend "Shut 'Em Down" or "Fight the Power."

1. KRS-One - Ah, but only one rapper can be number one. The Blastmaster, Chris, Boogie Down Productions frontman - whatever you want to call him, KRS-One was and is the most influential rapper alive, and as far as hip-hop is concerned, is the Prime Minister. If you don't have BDP's first album, Criminal Minded, you missed the birth of hip-hop. KRS-One is one of the few rappers who was around at the beginning of hip-hop, and still today is guest appearing on several records - and he still sounds original and amazing. He stresses the importance of education and not settling for the status quo. I highly recommend "My Philosophy" or "Black Cop."

Honorable Mentiions go to hip Old School Hip Hop Heroes - LL Cool J, Run DMC, Beastie Boys, and A Tribe Called Quest - but I stand by my list.

Peace and love to everyone, which is what Hip Hop is supposed to be about.

- Funkyman

Greece is the Word

2008-04-08T13:27:00.003-04:00

Hello Funkiputians, I am in America again! (cue James Brown)

"Living in America - got to have a celebration! Owww!"

I was fortunate enough to tour Greece for a week on a concert tour with my Chamber Singers from the Dana Hall School. They sang a couple of concerts and we saw a lot of the country.

There's nothing like visiting another country to make you appreciate . . . what you truly hate about your own. Thought I was going to say love, huh? I do love America and its many freedoms. But while in Greece, I learned some important lessons that make me realize more what we have to work on here.

1. Health Care - My daughter got sick while in Delphi. She's allergic to sesame seeds, and we found out the hard way. As she was close to an anaphylactic reaction, we were fortunate enough to have our tour guide escort us to the hospital and translate for us. She got a shot of Cortizone and was almost immediately better. The doctor gave us a prescription for two medications and we were on our way. The medication - $6 combined. The hospital - free. Need I say more?

2. Yogurt - I eat yogurt everyday for breakfast. I've tried them all. Greek Yogurt tastes like you're cheating, but you're not. Quite an indulgence. Their lemon yogurt tastes like an honest to God lemon meringue pie filling - not a Nutrasweet tease. I was quite impressed.

3. Heroes - Yes we have George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Al Sharpton, and Imus. Quite a cadre of talent yes? Well in Greece they have a few unknown heroes like, um, I don't know . . . HERCULES?! ACHILLES?! LEONIDAS?! THIS . . . IS . . . SPARTA! The original "I Have a Dream" speech. Beat that America. I know you're saying, "But Funkyman, those are legends, not factual history." Well, maybe, but their legends outshine our actual history. I'm sure you'll agree.

4. Monastaries - Yes, we have them here too. But how about built atop 1500 ft. rocks? Sides of mountains? Pictured above, one of the many monastaries of Meteora - buildings constructed over 700 years ago using God knows what lift and pulley technology they had, but it was dangerous and even for our standards today, miraculous. Single-handedly the most impressive thing we saw there.

5. Food - Baklava, Oranges, Souvlaki, Moussaka, Baklava, Tomatoes, the aforementioned yogurt, Baklava, and Baklava - the delicious Greek contributions to world cuisine.
What have we contributed? I'll wait. . .

McDonald's. . .

Wait, that's not a food. I'll keep waiting. . .

You can get back to me. . .

Right after I finish this Baklava.

I'm not bashing America. As I said, I love this country, but it's tough love. All things considered, I'd much rather live in America than Greece. Here's five reasons why.

1. Power Strike - While in Athens, we experienced random power outages for about an hour or so. This was due to the union of engineers striking and not manning the power stations. It could happen in the middle of the night, the middle of the afternoon, you never knew. You could be in the middle of a shower and suddenly - NO hot water - POWER STRIKE. This is a little annoying, but of course we supported their cause. It's just - why did we have to suffer? We're not in power. Get it? Not in power? Anyway!

2. TV - There were about 10 TV stations with only one in English, but even the ones in Greek were just horrible programming. Boring documentaries, weird game shows, melodramatic soap operas - O.K. it DOES sound a lot like American TV, but at least we have more choices and way cooler shows and movies. Prison Break was on 7 nights a week there. Interesting choice of American shows to watch.

3. Smoking - I like living in a smoke-free society. Call me a fascist, but second hand smoke is just disgusting. Let's just say Greeks are not as enlightened yet. They're getting there slowly, but we're way ahead. Almost every hotel and restaurant had smoking in it.

4. Language - English is considered to be one of the most difficult languages in the world. I have to say though that Greek has got to be right up there with us. Spanish, French, German, and Latin are child's play compared to Greek. I take back everything I said about my high school and college foreign language classes.

5. Night Life - In America, there are many things to do with your evening. However, in Greece, our girls were consistently told not to go into town after dark and defintely don't let a man buy you a drink. It's equal to saying yes to going home with him. Wow, where's Beyonce when you need her? (Cue "Bugaboo") "So what? You bought a pair of shoes. Now I guess you think that I owe you."

So, hey, some countries have it over America in a lot of ways, but this is my home, and I'm so glad I live here. As long as we have the freedom to fight for freedom - this is one of the best places on Earth.

Next blog - An exploration of Hip Hop - stay tuned!

- Funkyman

A New Era: Part 6

2008-03-11T13:36:00.004-04:00

You been waitin' and debatin' for oh so log,
just starvin' like Marvin for a Funkyman blog
If you cried or thought I died you definitely was wrog,
it took a thought plus I brought David Coleman alog.

Yes, those words are misspelled, but they do rhyme with "blog!"

Wazzup, Funkinians! I know it's been a couple of weeks. A month you say? Dag. Sorry. By the intro, you can see that this week's focus is: Gospel Music! (Thought it was rap, didn't you?) No, L.L. Cooj J's immortal rhymes are not the lead in for gospel music, but since I promised you gospel, you get gospel. We can do rap next time.

You now know that I have studied classical music my entire young life, I have degrees in Performance and Composition from two universities, and that I direct choruses and teach music at the Dana Hall School in Wellesley. What I don't talk a lot about on this blog is my affinity for gospel music. So here's to making up for lost time.

MY GOSPEL RESUMÉ
I grew up in an African American Catholic church. This is significant because during the 70's, a number of black composers/songwriters began writing songs for the Catholic mass in the style of gospel music. I grew up during an experimental era of Black Catholicism where we sang contemporary gospel music for the Benedictus, the Gloria, the Kyrie, the Agnus Dei, etc. As a child, I just thought this was church, but as I grew older and branched out away from my home, I realized what a special experience I had. By the time I graduated from high school, I was playing for my church gospel choir.

When I came to college, my first paying job was as the pianist for the MIT Gospel Choir. Their former musician was the Minister of Music at St. Paul's A.M.E. Church in Cambridge, and there I stayed 14 years as a choir director and musician. During those years, after graduating from college, I became the director of the Boston University (my alma mater) Inner Strength Gospel Choir, where I stayed for 10 years. I have directed numerous gospel choirs all over the Greater Boston area for every age group, and I have led workshops on gospel music, the history of African American music, and the history of the spirituality in African American music at schools, universities, seminaries, and for professional associations. I have my own gospel ensemble called Confirmation, and we have been together for 9 years, recording 3 CD's in the process. I currently direct the Tufts University Third Day Gospel Choir, which is 200 members strong. I also was recently awarded the Thomas A. Dorsey Award from the New England Conservatory. Enough said, on to the tunes!

I told you all of that to tell you I only know about gospel music what feels good to me. My experience has taught me that music is felt as well as heard, but what people truly are changed and moved by is what it FEELS like. So to me, sincerity is everything. There are a lot of insincere artists out there trying to create music they THINK people want to hear. But often, gospel doesn't deal in that because it's almost impossible to be a gospel artist and not be emotionally and spiritually attached to everything you do.

Also, the word "gospel" gets thrown around a lot. There are many kinds of gospel music - traditional, contemporary, urban/hip-hop, Christian rock, Christian rap. This blog focuses on contemporary gospel music, which mostly is by African-American artists wrting in the vein of R&B/Funk/Soul music.

Lots of people ask me, "Rev. Dr. Funkyman, I want to buy some gospel CD's, but I don't know where to start." So, here's your guide to the top ten artists/albums I think will get you on your way. This is a free service of the Adventures of Funkyman, sponsored by . . . well, no one. Like every other list, this one is hard to compile, but these are the albums I've probably listened to and received from the most.

Donald Lawrence & the Tri-City Singers - Bible Stories
A lot of the songs on this album are inspired by stories from the Bible, but the real success is the songwriting. Donald Lawrence is one of our greatest living gospel song artists, and it's on full display here. Suggestions for download are "Stranger" and "Come Lay Your Head On Me."

Donnie McClurkin - Live in London
Donnie McClurkin has a string of popular gospel hits, but this album knocked it out of the park. He is a seemingly effortless soloist with a powerful tenor voice, and the songs here are perfect for him. Suggestions for download are "We Fall Down" and "Great is Your Mercy." You will cry. You will.

Fred Hammond & Radical for Christ- Pages of Life, Vol 1. & Vol. 2
Fred Hammond's Thriller. Fred Hammond is probably my favorite gospel all around artist. He can sing, he can write, and he can play like ridiculous. Every song on this double CD is amazing. Highest recommendation. Download "Let the Praise Begin" or "He's God" or "You Are My Song."

Kirk Franklin - The Nu Nation Project
Kirk Franklin is the best selling gospel artist of all time. This CD has such standout songs like "Revolution" and "My Desire." Of course, Kirk has so many hit songs, that his whole discography is a walk through time with gospel music, but if I were to pick one album, it's this one. It has a little bit of everything - hip hop, worship songs, traditional gospel. It's a tour de force.

Richard Smallwood and Vision- Adoration
Richard Smallwood is gospel's answer to classical music. Many artists are classically trained, but few have used that training on display in the music as Richard Smallwood has. However, this CD is about the songs, and they are amazing. I've probably listened to this CD 1,000 times. Standout songs are "Total Praise" (in my opinion, one of the 10 best gospel songs EVER written) and "Thank You."

John P. Kee & the New Life Community Choir- Show Up
My favorite male gospel singer, John P. Kee is also a songsmith. His songs are very well known and like Kirk Franklin's, there are so many. This album has standout songs like "Made Up Mind" and the title song "Show Up." His style is power-pop with a soul edge - very catchy, very powerful, very good.

Hezekiah Walker & the Love Fellowship Crusade Choir - 20/85
Any one of their albums is amazing - Live in Atlanta, New York, Toronto, London, and even the oldies, but this most recent one is ridiculously good. The production, the songwriting, and the musical gifts are exceptional. It's just an amazing album to listen to. If you're looking for a great choir album, this is it. Download "More Than That" or "Lift Him Up."

Israel and New Breed - New Season
Probably the most important CD in gospel music in the last 10 years. This brought Israel to the forefront of the Praise & Worship movement and made it mainstream. Download "You Are Good."

James Hall & Worship & Praise - God is In Control
Like Richard Smallwood is gospel's ambassador to classical music, James Hall is gospel's ambassador to Broadway. Amazing choir and such difficult arrangements that they are rarely recreated by amateur, local churches. Truly a genius, and truly amazing to behold. "God is in Control" was his biggest hit, and if you hear it, you'll know why.

Confirmation - Give Us This Day
O.K. I'm cheating. This is my group and my songs. But I have to say, it's different, and if you're looking for different, we're it. We use almost every form of music - jazz, classical, hip-hop, as well as traditional and contemporary gospel. Songs to download are . . . all of them. Click here to purchase!

That's it for now. As usual, there are so many artists and albums I'm not mentioning - O'landa Draper, Ricky Dillard, Milton Brunson, Thomas Whitfield, Tye Tribbett to name a few. Go check it out for yourself!

- Funkyman

A New Era: Part 5

2008-02-06T22:04:00.000-05:00

A girl asked me once, "Do you just listen to rock or do you REALLY like it?" I would never hit a person, but this was an instance where I would have considered it. What kind of question is that? Well, I'll tell you.

This was during the early 90's when there was a newly raging battle between alternative rock and hip-hop as the "cool" underground movement. You could see it in the pop charts as well. One week, rock was on top, but the next week, a rap song was #1. I thought this was a good thing, but some viewed it as a cultural battle, and some even considered it a racial one. Bottom line was - black people like rap, white people like rock. Of course, we both know that's LUDA! (I'm not helping, right?)

Flash forward to today - Rap won. Hip-hop has taken over the culture, and rock has been desperately trying to find a niche of listeners again. But don't worry rock. I never left you, and I've always loved you. Today, I dedicate my blog to my 10 favorite songs to rock out too. I love hip-hop, but there are some things rap can't do. By the way, this list is not in order. It was hard enough picking 10. Now you want me to rank them?! You're so demanding! Here we go!

"Into the Void" by Nine Inch Nails - "Tried to save myself, but my self keeps slippin' away." Great refrain for a great title for a great song by a great group. Trent Reznor - mentioned in this blog before - is nuts, in a good way. This song is ridiculous, it's so good. Starting with bells and cello, then a disco beat, then a nasty bass line, building to a crescendo of vocals, guitar, and sound effects that near reaches chaos - all the while funky, funky, funky. Pure gold. Download this now. If you don't like it, I'll pay for it.

"Back in Black" by AC/DC - O.K. who doesn't love this song? Is it because the riff is so good? Is it the screaming vocals? Is it because it's funky? Yes, but no. It's because the producer, Mutt Lange (Shania Twain's husband) is a genius. The reason the riff, vocals, and funk sound so tight and good is his fault. We blame you, Mutt! Thank you!

"One Vision" by Queen - This is a group with so many amazing songs, it's not fair to choose one, but as far as rocking out potential goes, I have to give it to this song. You may know this song from the 80's movie "Iron Eagle." "One flesh, one bone, one true religion, one voice, one hope, one real decision." Great groove, amazing guitar solo, and cool drum bridge. They say "one" so much that they end the song "Fried Chicken." Hilarious.

"Nookie" by Limp Bizkit - Hip-hop influenced rock. Haters can hate, but you KNOW you were bobbing your heads to this. Yes, they got annoying. Yes, the song got old. But Yes, the song kicks. Deal with it.

"Fear" by Disturbed - How many rock groups claim Method Man as one of their influences for vocals? I don't know, but this group is amazing. So tight. This song starts simple with a drum track and then about 15 seconds in KICKS IN HARD and then never stops. Great example of hip-hop influenced rock that doesn't sound like hip-hop influenced rock. If that makes any sense.

"Longview" by Green Day - Green Day's first smash hit was on their third album. It took them a couple of albums to get it right, but man is this right. "Bite my lip and close my eyes. Trippin' away to paradise" is a great hook and the band breathes together on those chords. Add Billie Joe's fake British vocals, and you have pure rock delight.

"Ted, Just Admit It" by Jane's Addiction - It was Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" that introduced the 90's to the "song sounds nice/song goes nuts on the chorus" format. They did quite a few more like that, and many other bands were influenced (i.e. Blur's Song #2, Limp Bizkit's Nookie, Green Day's Longview, see a pattern?). However, Jane's Addiction, probably one of the most creative forces in rock in the 90's had a grander idea - one long build-up. This is more reminiscent of classical music or even jazz, and it will feel that way as you listen to this song about mass-murderer Ted Bundy. It couldn't start off simpler - drum and bass, nice and slow - and it couldn't end any crazier - super fast everything and a refrain of "Sex is violent!" It's even crazier live, which I can say I had the fortune of seeing. An amazing song that's not for everyone, but inspires awe in me every time I hear it.

"Lakini's Juice" by Live - Can an orchestra rock? Yes it can. Download this dark song named after the Hindu goddess of destruction. "LET ME RIDE! BURN MY EYES!" The orchestra is uplifting and amazing on this song. Stay with it until the end to get the full effect.

"Abracadaver" by The Hives - Probably my favorite rock band alive right now. These Swedish rockers have mastered the 2-minute garage sound and they perform at such a high level, it makes everyone in the audience smile. You have to see it for yourself. Click here and watch "Main Offender." You will not be disappointed.

"How I Could Just Kill a Man" by Rage Against the Machine - Yet another group with so many rocking songs, it's hard to choose. However, the Renegades album featured their interpretations of rap songs. This song, originally created by Cypress Hill gets a complete face lift. It rocks so hard that it's a crime.

Honorable mention: "Enter Sandman" by Metallica, "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N' Roses, "Lithium" by Nirvana, "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam, "Just Another Victim" by Helmet & House of Pain, and pretty much every song by Tool.

Next time: Gospel!

- Funkyman

The Weight is Over!

2008-02-05T13:21:00.001-05:00

Hello Funkidians,

I know I promised a blog about rock n' roll, but that will have to wait. This week is special because I've reached a special goal. As I blogged back in September, I've had a huge change in lifestyle surrounding my health. No, I did not join "The Biggest Loser" Club, but I can relate. The bottom line is, On January 28, 2008 I reached 100 pounds of weight loss.

I'll have to get some before/after pictures and post them later, but I've lost 10 inches in my waist, gone from a 4XL to XL in shirts, and after being on 240 units of insulin a day, I'm insulin free for six weeks now. My last blood report came back "non-diabetic."

This is NOT a plateau for me. I have no intentions of changing anything that got me to where I am. I will continue with the food plan, the exercise regimen, and the reporting of the food that so aided my battle. I don't want to go back.

So Funkyman has defeated yet another foe - his arch-nemesis Chunkyman. He will continue to blog and fight the forces of ignorance and the inability to be creative.

Onward ho!

- Funkyman

A New Era: Part 4

2008-01-26T02:24:00.000-05:00

Hey there Funkiites, I'm back with another installment of my favorite music. So far, we've done pop from the 80's, greatest albums, and classical. It's time for . . . MUSICAL THEATER.

Now look, if you've been reading the Adventures of Funkyman long enough, you know that I love musicals, but I haven't really talked about specifically which ones and why. So without too many opening jokes (sorry the monologue is weak this week), here they are!

11. West Side Story
Hey this is a top ten list, Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim! Better luck in the top 20!

10. Rent
O.K., truth be told, I've never seen Rent. Calm down! "HOW COULD YOU, FUNKYMAN, NOT HAVE SEEN RENT???!!!!" Believe me, it's possible. Not that I haven't had the chance. I actually have it DVR'ed at home just waiting for me. Anyway, I had to include it because in this generation, what musical has had such an impact on the world? Though I haven't seen it, I know almost every song because I'm a choral director and I've had hundreds of students sing songs from the show, whether as solos, duets, or as a chorus. Though I do not believe the songs are as amazing as I want them to be, they are top notch, and you have to hand it to Jonathan Larson for writing a pertinent opera for our times. Much kudos.

9. Ragtime
Unstoppable musical about the turn of the century and the problems faced in America. Beautiful music and immortal performances by Audra MacDonald (coming to Tufts on February 9!) and Brian Stokes Mitchell (who came to Tufts last February!). "Wheels of a Dream" makes you proud of America. "Make Them Hear You" makes you remember America's not perfect, but proud of people who fight for what's right. It's a monumental piece that must be seen.

8. Fiddler on the Roof
Timeless musical about the daily life of a Jewish family living during difficult times. The songs however, are far from sad - "Matchmaker," "If I Were a Rich Man," and "L'Chaim" are some of the most popular songs EVER and always make you smile. My favorite is "Tradition" which is the opening number. It's a great song with an ethnic pulse and a great full cast number. Definitely check it out.

7. The Music Man
This is on the list probably because I had HBO as a kid and this was on like every other day. I must have seen this movie a million times. Robert Preston is the con-man who comes to River City to sell the citizens band equipment, posing as a music expert, when in truth he knows nothing at all. This is quite the oxymoron being that he steals the show in every scene - acting, singing, and dancing. Don't miss 5-year Ron Howard singing the "Wellsth Fargo Wagon." Hilarious and cute. This musical has so many famous songs, I don't have time to list. But it is one of my favorites of all time.

6. The Sound of Music
O.K., who hasn't seen this? Well, until two years ago, me. I've always avoided watching it on TV because it's like 4 hours long! However, it's shown every year like clockwork on network TV. Finally I rented it (I had to do it commercial free) and I realized why everyone loves it so much. Julie Andrews is amazing and the songs for this show are brilliantly crafted. "Do-Re-Mi" is about one of the greatest musical arrangements in history. Surrounded by a depressing vision of Nazi Germany invading Austria, the story of the Von Trapp family (true story) is inspiring. Good stuff.

5. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
Andrew Lloyd Webber had to make it on to this list somehow didn't he? I mean I couldn't put Phantom or Evita or Jesus Christ Superstar or Cats right? Well those are good, but what pulls my heartstrings is the operatic, non-stop music of Joseph. Maybe I'm partial to the fact that it's a Bible story I love, I don't know. There is a wide range of musical styles in this show and they're all catchy. There's not one song in thist show that you can't hum, and that is an amazing feat. Hats off to Mr. Webber for making a show that EVERYONE can watch, even my daughter.

4. Grease
O.K., how much did I want to be John Travolta as a kid? "I got chills, they're multiplying! And I'm loooosing control!" Oh my goodness - so cool. Why is every song in this musical a classic? This musical must be good because we all overlook or ignore the misogynistic, sexist themes prevalent throughout the story (i.e. Girl changes her hair, clothes, and image in order to appease the insecurities and failures of a man who wants her). But we forget about all that when we hear "Go Greased Lightning, burning up the quarter mile" or "Rama lama lama ka dingity ding de don." Fun is fun. Gotta love it.

3. Wicked
As you may know, I just saw this recently, and I was just blown away. Stephen Schwartz is a great talent, and he wrote some of the most memorable songs ever for this show. It's a great show for women, for there are no real showstopping numbers for men, but who cares? "Popular" is brilliant and hilarious. "For Good" has everyone in the theater weeping. And if you're not on your feet cheering out loud at the end of "Defying Gravity," you're dead. Stephen Schwartz, by no coincidence is also the composer of . . .

2. Pippin
"We've Got Magic to Do" is one of my favorite show songs ever. Ben Vereen had this part written specifically for him, and the combination of 70's rock and soul with his voice is magic. "Corner of the Sky" is every egotistical maniac's anthem, including mine. And "Finale" is just an awesome . . . well . . . finale. This is a great show that covers the gamut of education, murder, politics, religion, sex, and war. The 70's were a great time for the theater, especially for my number one pick.

1. From Justin to Kelly
Just kidding!

1. A Chorus Line
This is number one because this was the show that made me want to be a professional musician. When I was in high school, I became obsessed with Marvin Hamlisch's songwriting, largely sparked by the viewing of the 80's movie version of this show. Of course, most know that movie is blasphemous to the stage show, but I digress. When I bought the original soundtrack, I fell in love especially with the opening number - "I Hope I Get It." I did think it was quite ingenius to write a show about a show. But the music and dancing are so good because only real dancers and singers could play these roles and these characters that are so naked on stage as they bare episodes and secrets about their private lives. Seeing them all stand at the edge of the stage, as we the jury judge their value, makes me value the power of the audience. These characters, songs, and dances are nothing without an audience to appreciate them. This show makes you feel like you're integral to the success of the show.

Well, that's my riff for this week. Next week - ROCK!

- Funkyman

A New Era: Part 3

2008-01-16T13:51:00.000-05:00

Hello Funkidians! We're back with part 3 in a series about music that I care about. Why do you read this stuff? I don't know, but I'm flattered. So far I have discussed the impressionable days of my youth with Top 40 one hit wonders and albums and artists that have inspired and impressed me with their creative output, specifically on albums. Today, we switch gears to: Classical Music. Hope I didn't just lose some of you.

Yes, classical music, which by the way is almost a silly label being that "classical" refers to a time in history (1750-1820) that now somehow applies to all academic composition from the Middle Ages to today. What's the story behind that and why it stuck? I have no idea, and no one else really does either. I know its roots are in the early 19th century, but that's about it. Anyway, on to the show.

Classical music compositions have been such a huge part of my life by the fact that I took piano lessons for 15 years, participated in youth symphonies, went to music camps, and majored in piano and composition in school. I've always been surrounded by the 3rd echelon of geeks. The 2nd level is engineering students, and the 1st level is engineering students who play Dungeons and Dragons as ADULTS. I'm quite happy on level 3, thank you very much. We are the musically literate. Do you know that 98% of the world learns music by ear? Music is to be felt and shared, and people are not often turned on by the idea of writing it down, analyzing it, or thinking of new ways to approach it. However, thank goodness these composers did not think this. The following list is the top ten classical compositions that have forever changed how I listen to and love music. If you know the pieces, you'll notice the popular nature of the selections. If you don't know them, I highly encourage you to check them out.

10. Chopin piano works: Nocturnes, Polonaises, Etudes, Preludes, Mazurkas
O.K., so I'll start with a broad range of pieces. Chopin is my favorite composer for the piano so I foundit difficult to choose only one from these collections. Chopin wrote so much for the piano that it's pretty much all he's known for. However, one listen to a nocturne or prelude and you understand why. He simply makes the piano sing. Some of the most famous and honestly, depressing music comes from Chopin, but then he couples those pieces with some of the most brilliantly exciting and difficult piano music as well. Check out: Fantasie Impromptu, Etude #12 (Revolutionary), Prelude #4, and Polonaise in A. You will not be disappointed.

9. Bartok: Mikrokosmos
A 6 volume collection of short works for the piano. Eclectic to say the least, Bartok based much of his compositions on Hungarian folk songs. He was one of the greatest 20th century composers for his use of the folk melodies and for his bold new approaches to string quartets and orchestra music. Dissonance plays a huge role in his music and is almost solely responsible for my own compositional use of dissonance. I loved Bartok as a child because I excelled at playing his music. People looked to me as the 20th century guy. While the other kids were sweating Brahms, I was knee deep in Bartok, Dello Joio, and Shostakovich. Don't hate.

8. Copland: The Tender Land
I simply love opera. It's hard to pick the ones I love the most, but I do recall sitting in Symphony Hall listening to an excerpt from this opera and crying. Enough said.

7. Mozart: Piano Sonata no. 14, K 457 in c minor
I played this piece in high school and at the recital, I messed up so bad that it was shameful. I never forgot that and continued to work on the piece until . . . I'm still working on this piece. I can play it practically perfect now, but it still remains a powerful memory for me. I don't want to mess up in front of people again - especially after working on it so much. Ask me to play it sometime.

6. Beethoven: PianoSonata no. 8, Op. 13 in c minor (Pathetique)
When the Allegro movement begins, you realize why this is such a famous piece of music. Beethoven wrote some of the most dramatic and interesting music to date, and to quote Billy Joel "The beginning of Beethoven's 5th Symphony is not just a briliant composition, it's a great riff."

5. Beethoven's Piano Sonata no. 14, Op. 27 in c# minor (Moonlight)
O.K., so I like piano sonatas! Can you blame me? I was forced to play them half of my life. But everyone knows this one - perhaps the most famous piece of music ever. However, what gets me is not the famous first movement but the awesomely fast and crazy third movement. If you haven't heard this, check it out. Highest recommendation. Very fun to play too.

4. Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue
Again with the clichés! Well, you can hate, but there's a reason these pieces are popular. Rhapsody in Blue is an amazing fantasy that melds ragtime harmonies with orchestral and pianistic virtuosity. You want to call it classical, you want to call it jazz. But in the end, it's Gershwin, and what greater compliment is there for a composer?

3. Schumann Piano Concerto
This piece made me love that I practiced all those years. A beautiful, timeless melody that transports me to every fantasy I ever had to being a concert pianist. I loved playing this piece and I secretly still want to perform it with a real orchestra. O.K., well it WAS a secret.

2. Mozart's Don Giovanni
This would be number one if not for the emotional rollercoaster the next piece takes me on. This is my favorite composition, period. It's by my favorite composer in the genre I respect the most. It has ghosts, sword fights, demons, and lots of women - every comic book lover's dream come true. But it's the music that I love. Every aria and recitative are the perfect stage for the penultimate scene where Don Giovanni (Don Juan in Spanish) defies hell itself supported by some of the most frightening sounding music ever written at that time. Too cool.

1. Rachmaninov's Piano Concerto no. 2, Op. 18 in c minor
You may have not noticed that several pieces on this list are in c minor. Maybe it's like Spinal Tap - "I find that d minor is the saddest of all keys." LOL I don't know what connection c minor has to my life, but I can tell you that this composition makes me cry EVERYTIME I listen to it. That's amazing. That's why this is number 1, often referred to as "Rocky 2," (Rachmaninov pictured above). The entire piece is about 25 minutes long, but the third movement has a theme that tears right through me, and as it builds up throughout the movements, by the time it reaches the climax, I'm literally weeping. So much passion. So much emotion. Darn those Russians! I've never even tried to play this one, but I think I'm going to go listen it to it right now.

Whew! Thas was a heavy, boring blog. Hope you're still here next week. I'll lighten up.

- Funkyman

A New Era: Part 2

2008-01-09T13:40:00.000-05:00

Hello, and welcome to part 2 of my blogs on music. Oh yeah, and Happy New Year too. Enough! Music!

Today I will discuss my 10 favorite albums of all time. Note I do say favorite this time, because unlike the individual songs discussed last week, I still hold these albums to be my favorites. Why? A great album is a greater achievement than a great song because it's impossible to have a great album without more than one great song. So here's the Funkyman top ten albums of all time - in my opinion.

10. Whatever and Ever Amen - Ben Folds Five
Every fantasy I've ever had of being a singer/songwriter is fulfilled by Ben Folds on this album. I've idolized Billy Joel, Elton John, and Stevie Wonder my whole life, but Ben took those influences and simplified the true essence of a man and his piano. Backed by just a bass guitar and drums, Ben Folds' songwriting is on display here, and it's a doozie. He manages to blend jazz, rock, pop, polka, and ballads into a euphoric listening experience ripe with hooky pop melodies and harmonies. I can listen to this album all day and night - and I have.

9. The Fragile - Nine Inch Nails
Trent Reznor is the mad scientist of NIN, and he's a very dark person. However, he is one of the few true geniuses of our age when it comes to music. This album is so huge in its scope that it's difficult to write about. The composition, the sound palette, and the pure rage make this album a tribute to the idea of the concept album - first heralded by the Beatles. But man, this ain't the Beatles. Unlike Ben Folds, this album is difficult for me to listen to all the way through because it's so heavy and thought-provoking. I actually regard it in the same reverence as I do great classical works.

8. Back on the Block - Quincy Jones
Quincy Jones is not just one of the true geniuses of our age, he's the leader. We will never be able to repay him for his gifts. So many of us owe our own musicianship and simple love of life to what he's created. This album is no different. Pulling together dozens of artists to make this masterpiece in the 90's, there is almost every kind of music represented on this CD - rap, jazz, R&B, acapella, funk, pop, etc. When I made my own CD, Spirit of the Minstrel, this is what I was subconsciously channeling.

7. Apocalypse '91 - Public Enemy
This is by far my favorite rap album of all time, which is a difficult label to live up to. Like I wrote a couple of weeks ago, I love thousands of songs. However, if one album were to be labeled as the one I've listened to the most, the one I've memorized every word to, the one I've analyzed the most - it's this one. Chuck D is a prolilfic thinker and writer, and Terminator X is one of the most experimental rap producers ever. This is an experiment that succeeded.

6. Black on Both Sides - Mos Def
I have often said that I love Hip Hop but tire of rap. There is a difference. The prince of this difference is Mos Def. He embodies intelligence and self-awareness in the rap community, and he does it with amazing creativity, humor and just awesome music. This album is a tour de force. It honors the old school and is at the same time definitely new school. It will be very difficult for him to ever top this effort. It's his Purple Rain/Thriller. Wonder why this is #6 while I said #7 Public Enemy's was my favorite rap album? That's because this album transcends rap. It's a great album period.

5. Untitled - The Artist formerly known as Prince
Speaking of Purple Rain, I believe that Prince is the most gifted artist alive. He is our Mozart. We will be studying his output for decades after he leaves us. This album is just perfect. He was quite upset that he did not receive the response he thought it deserved, but if Prince ever reads this - I responded. I love this album and I bow to your music majesty. The first song is "My Name is Prince" which is a bragadaccio song about being amazing. Normally this would come off as pretentious from anyone else, but Prince is probably the only man alive who can get away with it. He acknowledges God as the king. He's just Prince. You gotta respect that.

4. Synchronicity - The Police
I have every Police album. I love them all, but this is so outside of their norm that it deserves mention. When the Police began, they basically knew three chords, but they were so tight, they made great music. Listening to their growth over 5 albums is a revelation. Synchronicity is filled with so many different sound landscapes that it's breathtaking. Sting really came into his own as a songwriter, but he could not have made this album without this band. It's like watching your favorite cartoon - pure joy.

3. Songs in the Key of Life - Stevie Wonder
Alright, getting into the top three! I mentioned earlier that Stevie Wonder is an idol of mine, but this album is the standard that all songwriters measure their stuff. Stevie Wonder is music. When he sings, you listen. When he plays keyboard, you dance. When he plays harmonica, you know there's a God. Enough said.

2. The Marshall Mathers LP - Eminem
Nothing could have prepared me for the genius of this album. Yes, it's vulgar. Yes, it's filled with homophobic references. Yes, it dramatizes a murder. I'm sorry, it's true. But I'm also sorry that this is the most well executed and precise collection of beats, rapping, and raw energy I've ever heard. Call it therapeutic. Call it alive and breathing. Call it what you want. It's a lot of things but a bad album it is not. I don't want to meet Eminem or be his friend, but I call 'em like I see 'em. Don't hate.

1. The Wall - Pink Floyd
And finally, number 1. Pink Floyd's The Wall is at the top of the list because these guys did something I didn't think was possible. They made a double-album where EVERY SONG ON IT IS AMAZING. There is no weak link. I have never heard an album, including ones on this list that didn't have at least one song that I didn't think was all that. I was 15 years old when I discovered this album. I saw the whacked-out movie with some friends and was hooked. The album is way better than the movie by the way. It tells the story of a rock star whose personal life is a mess (drugs, failed marriage), and we get to go back to his childhood to learn about why. Every episode and person in his life is a brick in the wall of his life. The most famous song is probably "Another Brick in the Wall pt. 2" with the chorus "We don't need no education." But this is hardly the most impressive song on the album. I still love "Comfortably Numb" and "The Trial" but then again, I love them all. Listening to it is like watching a movie as each song blends into the next non-stop. Some will wonder why "Dark Side of the Moon" isn't on this list. True, that album is equal or greater in its respect from the world, but The Wall touched me more personally and therefore, became my favorite.

I remember being 15 again, discovering the dilliegence and hard work that goes into creating something like this album, and I still marvel at the product, which continues to impress decades after its initial release. At a time in my life when it felt like my wall was crumbling, escaping to this album was one of the things that got me through. Thank you Pink Floyd and all of the other artists who make life sweeter and more colorful by reaching out to us.

- Funkyman

A New Era

2007-12-23T22:27:00.001-05:00

Hello Funky-philes, I apologize for not writing sooner. I have been buried alive in concerts, school work, and a sick family. During this time, I did consider writing about these mundane aspects of life, but I couldn't find a way to make it funky. So, it suddenly hit me. What's the one thing that I rarely write about that I have a lot of thought about? Yes, music. I think I've blogged once about music I like. Well today starts a new era. For the next several weeks, The Adventures of Funkyman will discuss his passion and vocation. I will start today with my 10 favorite songs of all time.

Let me begin by saying that I don't have favorite songs anymore. The time in my life has passed that a song sticks out as a "favorite." This list of 10 is very difficult to compile because it draws from the era when I loved a song so much that I searched high and low for the artist, album, and eventual purchase of the cassette (no CD's back then). This era I refer to is - the 80's. These songs made me happy to be alive and the criteria for being on the list is that they transport me back to the time I fell in love with them. I honestly feel like a kid again. Hopefully you will appreciate that I, like you, love thousands of songs. These however made me savor life more and better than the rest. Here they are. Judge as you may.

"Uptown Girl" by Billy Joel - Haters can hate but I still think this is his catchiest, most sing-a-long-able, most make-you-want-to-live-in-the-50's, most want-to-be-in-love song ever. I LOVE THIS SONG!

"Right On Track" by The Breakfast Club - You're saying, "who?" The Breakfast Club (no affiliation with the movie) was once the band for Madonna. They did their own album and had a hit with this song. This is the song that made me fall in love with the iv-m7 chord. I didn't know what that was at the time, but now I still revel in its magic and have used it several times in songs myself. Ultra funky track that still makes me wish I wrote this song.

"On the Dark Side" by John Cafferty & the Beaver Brown Band - O.K. can I tell you how hard it was to find this song in 1984? This was the big hit from the soundtrack to the movie "Eddie and the Cruisers." It didn't do so hot in the theaters, but when it hit HBO, it blow-up-uated. I loved this song so much, and so did a lot of other people, because everywhere I went it was sold out. My family and I were driving cross-country from Memphis to L.A. (summer olympics) and every record store in every city in every state we stopped in was sold out of this soundtrack. I don't even remember the name of the little town in New Mexico that I found that had a copy. I have rarely been that happy. This song makes me remember that trip like it was yesterday. Just a catchy, simple, perfect song.

"You Make My Dreams Come True" by Daryl Hall and John Oates - I loved this song so much, I bought every one of their albums regardless of whether it had good songs on it or not. This song starts with a little funky clav riff that did and still does make me want to jam on the keyboards. Too good. Too good.

"My Sharona" by The Knack - You know the song. You know you love it. The epitome of the one-hit wonder. The greatest catchy song of all time.

"We Close Our Eyes" by Go West - Brilliant synth pop by good song writers, musicians, and singers that never quite got their due. You may be more familiar with their hit "King of Wishful Thinking." But this song made me marvel in the layers of synth sound these guys created. If you ever get a chance, check it out. There's something new happening every few seconds and the song is like a brick house its so solid. I LOVE THIS SONG!

"Into the Groove" by Madonna - Jellybean Benitez is the songwriter/producer of many of Madonna's hits and other 80's stars. Just like "Right on Track," this synth-bass chord progression made me fall in love. It uses the same iv-m7 chord, which I didn't realize at the time. There really are only so many magic tricks you can do with music, but this is a great one. So good.

"Straight Up" by Paula Abdul - I had a mild obsession with Paula Abdul in 1988, like most other teenage boys. Deep down I knew she couldn't sing a lick. I was enamored by her beauty and her dance videos. Sue me. However, this song was amazing, regardless of the artist. The songwriter won songwriter of the year from ASCAP, a prominent society of musicians. A great use of percussion, rock guitar, and synth. A great pop song. A great achievement.

"Night of the Living Baseheads" by Public Enemy - It took me a little while to love Public Enemy. While their albums were dropping, I couldn't get past the noise element of their compositions. However, that all changed in 1991 when they did an album called "Apocalypse '91." Suddenly the world was opened up to me in a new way. I realized the genius of Chuck D, probably my favorite rapper of all time. But better than that, I was able to go back and re-experience their catalog of albums. This particular song is from their highest-rated album "It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back." This anti-drug song starts out with a quote from Farrakhan about how black people lost their identity being brought here from Africa. Then all of sudden, Chuck D screams "HERE IT IS! BAMM!!! AND YOU SAY G-- DAMN, THIS IS A DOPE JAM!!!" The beat, bass, and noise kick in so strong that it makes you wake up even if you're already awake. It's amazing, and it still works. Check it out.

"Mr. Roboto" by Styx - "Secret secret, I've got a secret" Come on haters. This was amazingly catchy. Yes it was campy, too. But this song and album made Styx the superstars they deserved to be. Say what you what about corporate rock sell-outs. These guys were/are amazing musicians and this concept album had everything the 80's needed. Besides, name one other number one hit that has Japanese phrases, robot references, and screams "I'm Kilroy!." Enough said.

O.K. enough of the 80's. Like a said before, there are literally thousands of songs from this era that I love ("Another One Bites the Dust," "Valerie," "I'm Still Standing") but this list of great pop songs make me continue to want to be a songwriter myself. Just the idea of writing a song that gives anyone half the joy that I get as a listener gives me inspiration to keep doing better.

And we should all be so lucky to have that in our lives.

- Funkyman

The Last Bargain Hunt

2007-11-28T14:22:00.000-05:00

As a parent, you have to search around a lot of places in order to find a good deal. People don't believe my wife and I when we tell them our daughter's GAP jeans cost $5 each. It's because we were vigilant shoppers that we found that deal. Patience and persistence really pay off.

However, I do draw the line somewhere - Black Friday, or as I like to call it Dawn of the Bargain Hunter Crackheads.

Wanna know what evil lurks in the heart of man? Come with Funkyman and I'll show you.

On Friday, November 25, 2005 I woke up to my alarm at 4:00 a.m. With my belly still full from last night's Thanksgiving dinner, I was up and out on the search for a $99 digital camera to replace the one we already had. Target was having a sale, just like everyone else - Sears, Wal-Mart, K-Mart, JC Penney, Best Buy, etc. Since they opened at 5 a.m., I would get the early-bird start and get there as they opened. Right?

Wrong.

As I drove down Route 22, a mecca of restaurants, department stores, and malls, I began to see long lines of people wrapped around buildings. There's really no telling how long people had been there in order to secure a place first in those lines. I started thinking, "If there's a line like that at Bed, Bath and Beyond Stupidity, then what's it going to be like at Target?!" My fears were valid.

As I pulled into the lot of Target, I suddenly realized that at 5:05 a.m. there were no parking spaces. I drove around for a while to find one, and began my long walk to the door. As I got closer to the building, I could hear the murmur of activity growing louder and louder, like maggots feasting on raw meat (I actually know what that sounds like. Another story for another blog). And then, I walked through the door.

Mayhem. Absolute Bedlam. People running down aisles, people already 30-40 deep in lines at the cash register. As I made my way to the electronics section, I saw that it was too late. I looked for my $99 camera and of course didn't see it anywhere. I asked a salesperson and they just laughed. They LAUGHED. "Oh, those went real quick." REAL QUICK? You've been open for 5 MINUTES! Why would you advertise a great deal like that and not have enough stock to . . .

Duh. It suddenly hit me. They say that if you can't see who the sucker is in a con, it's you. I had been had. I had succombed to the will of marketing and commercialism. They got me up at 4 a.m. looking for that too-good-to-be-true deal. Well, fool me once . . . As I headed back outside, I heard two customers talking. "This isn't too bad. At Wal-Mart a few minutes ago a fight broke out." The other customer replied, "Yeah, I heard about that. My daughter's there. That's crazy."
I promised myself that never again will I leave my house on Black Friday. As a matter of fact, I make it a point not to go to the mall on weekends, especially this time of year because it's not far from that experience.

People aren't inherently evil, but ideas and institutions can be. Do you know what Wal-Mart's slogan this season is? "The more you save, the more Christmas you can give." The more Christmas you can give? So GIVING Christmas means money or gifts? I thought giving money or gifts was how you could CELEBRATE Christmas. I can't GIVE Christmas anymore than I can take it away. Christmas is what it is, and my gifts and the money I save don't determine how great or small it is. It's sad, it's really sad.

I know that this issue will not simply go away, but let it be known - if you celebrate a holiday, enjoy life. Don't get caught up in the nonsense, whatever it is.

So, believe me when I say this, and I really mean it. MERRY CHRISTMAS! I love you all.

- Funkyman

Wicked Cool

2007-11-07T13:58:00.000-05:00

I saw Wicked on Sunday. It was amazing. But more amazing than the show itself was what I discovered there. Sit back, and I'll tell you a funky-story.

Funkyman readers may recall that I love the theater. I wrote about it here. I have had a passion for it since I was a child and one of my dream jobs was to one day be a musician in the pit orchestra of a Broadway show. Not the conductor, just the piano guy. I was in love with A Chorus Line, and I really wanted to make that show the one I worked for.

However, during my freshman year of college, A Chorus Line was taken off broadway. What happens to a dream deferred?

Anyway, as life took me different places, I ended up a choir director/teacher in the independent school system here in New England. And in 1996 I met a young man who at the time was in 7th grade. His name was William Van Dyke. He had a quick sense of humor. (Hey, I have a quick sense of humor.) His father was a dentist. (Hey, my dad's a dentist, too!) He played the piano. (Hey, I rock a piano!) And he had a similar dream of being a professional musician. (Hey that's my dream!)

We hit it off almost immediately and were pretty close. His parents and I became friends, and we've stayed in touch beyond his years in high school and finishing college. Last I had heard, he was playing keyboard in a touring company of Wicked. I think you can see what's coming.

So, I'm sitting there Sunday night during intermission, reading through the Playbill to see what songs were in Act 2, when I happened to glance at the Orchestra musicians. There it was: Keyboard - Will Van Dyke.

I ran to the pit orchestra, looked down, and said "Hey, is Will Van Dyke down there?" They said, "Yeah." I said, "Tell him Mr. Coleman is here." They said, "Hey Will, Mr. Coleman is here." I hear a "WHAT?" and there he came running from the back. I hadn't seen him in a couple of years, and I had honestly not put two and two together that THIS touring company of Wicked was his.

I began to tear up because seeing him down there at this show confirmed that he was living my dream, and because I was his teacher/mentor/friend, I felt like I was getting to do it too. That is the gift of teaching that they can't explain to you when you apply for the job.

Well, we're getting together tomorrow to have lunch and hang out and catch up. I can't wait to tell him how proud I am of him, and how he's touched my life by doing something I've always wanted to do. I'm not sad at all that it wasn't me, and it's not a crummy circumstance that my student is doing what I wanted.

It's wicked cool.

- Funkyman

Sick

2007-11-03T19:38:00.000-04:00

I'm sick.

It's actually taking a lot of energy for me to sit up and write this blog, but I know that Funky-nation can't go more than two weeks without a blog entry, so you're tireless servant is here to save the day.

On Tuesday, I got a phone call from my daughter's school that she woke up from her nap and began to projectile vomit. We rushed to pick her up, took her home and she spent the rest of the day doing more of the same. No fun. In 24 hours she was fine.

SHE was fine.

Now I think I have it. How could this happen? How do viruses fly through the air into my nostrils? Why is the sky blue? Well it actually isn't blue, David, it's just our perception of . . . anyway! It was rhetorical!

So, rather than blab on with more schizophrenic freestyle prose (is that redundant?), I'll write some accounts of my favorite sick memories. I will preface this by saying that the following depictions are mildly disgusting but funny, so if you're human, you'll understand.

NICHOLAS NICKLEBY
Ah, yes . . . Dickens great story of a young man coming into his own. This surrounds one of my fondest memories of being sick. I had a virus and had to stay home from school. My parents left me at my grandma's house. Ah, yes . . . Grandma's house. Nice and cozy and warm. I got to spend the day in my pajamas with no one around except grandma's TV. Ah, yes . . . Cable. A BBC mini-series dramatic production of Nicholas Nickleby was on, and I spent the day and evening watching it. To top it off, my Grandma made me an entire pan full of her special jello - strawberry jello with pecans and mixed fruit. I made myself a serving and it felt so comforting, so soothing, that I had another and another until I ate the WHOLE pan.

Life was perfect - Grandma's house, pajamas, cable TV, jello . . . until . . .

The first rumble in my stomach was audible. Then another came and it scared me. Suddenly, I realized that - "Hey, I'm sick." I ran to the bathroom and proceeded to return all of Grandma's special jello, nuts, fruit and all into the toilet via my mouth.

Today, I cannot read or watch Dickens without thinking of Jello.

BEETHOVEN
When I was a senior in college, I had to give a full solo piano recital. I played Dello Joio, Beethoven, Liszt, and Coleman (of course). I was also very sick. One of the cool things about being a pianist is not having to worry about getting sick. It's not like singing or playing a wind instrument, because you're only using your hands. Well, this particular day, I had a runny nose, but it wasn't dripping too badly. That is, until the concert began.

There I am in my tuxedo, a concert hall with a full audience, and my nose full of liquid. So I go out and play the Dello Joio. I make it through and run off stage to blow my nose. As I come back out, I remember that the Beethoven sonata was twice as long as the Dello Joio. And sure enough, during the 3rd movement, here comes the long drip out of my nose onto the piano keys. I couldn't wipe it off because both of my hands were quite active. I just prayed no one could see, which the audience confirmed later that they did not. However, it became very difficult to concentrate on my playing when I had a string of mucous extending from my nose to my hands.

Today, I cannot listen to or play Beethoven without thinking of Kleenex.

CINNAMON LIFE
Good cereal! Man I used to love cereal. USED TO! I was in Vermont with my comedy troupe, Guilty Children, and we were staying at a house and doing shows for a local kids' summer camp. I was starving, and I hopped in my car to buy some cereal and milk. CEREAL AND MILK, baby. What's better than that? Yeaaahh. I took it back home, poured myself THREE bowls and was in absolute heaven. HEAVEN! I realized that I had to run back into town to buy more milk. So I hopped in the car and was on my way. About halfway there, my stomach turned upside down. I wasn't sure what was going on. But I did know I had to turn around and head home. To make a long story short, this was the day I realized I was LACTOSE INTOLERANT!!!!!!

DEAR GOD, please kill me. Let this cup pass, and if not, please kill me. We're all out of toilet paper, and oh no, here it comes again - PLEASE KILL ME!

Today, I cannot look at the cereal aisle without thinking of Vermont.

I DO
On my wedding day - yes, my wedding day - I woke up sick as a dog. I had been fine up until then. WHY NOW? I could barely stand out of bed. Lucky for me, all details were done and all I had to do was put on my tuxedo and get to the church. By the grace of God, I made it through the ceremony and the reception, but it's all a blur. I was so delirious that it still feels like a dream. I'm going to go check my marriage certificate again - was it all a dream? Anyway, our honeymoon in St. Lucia made me heal pretty quickly.

Today, I cannot think about getting married without thinking of my wife. (Awwww)

Well, I covered vomiting, diarrhea, and snot all in one blog entry. Not bad. The body is a funny thing. Take care of yourself.

- Funkyman

Concert Mania

2007-10-24T13:41:00.000-04:00

Hello Funkymaninites,

The reason I started this blog was to keep friends and family up-to-date with what I'm thinking about and what I'm doing. I've done plenty of the former, now for the latter. Over the next couple of weeks, I am super busy with performances of my choral groups. Here's a rundown:

Dana Hall School - Ah, my first priority. This coming weekend is Parents' Weekend, which for me means four performances in 24 hours. I have a 6th Grade Chorus, a 7/8 Grade Chorus, a High School Chorus, a Chamber Choir, and a Gospel Choir - all who are performing this Thursday and Friday. The ladies of Dana Hall will be singing their hearts out. If you want more info on Dana Hall School, click here.

Confirmation - 8 years and going strong, my gospel ensemble is still rehearsing every week. Last week we sang at a church that I could write TWO blog entries about. It was the single-most bizarre church experience I've had to date. Maybe next week. Up this week - the Archdiocese of Boston presents the Black Catholic Revival, at which we have sung at almost every year of our 8 year history. (I'm a former Black Catholic myself - good peoples). If you want more info on Confirmation, click here.

Tufts University Third Day Gospel Choir - The powerful 170-voice choir has a big concert on Friday, November 30, but before that we will be singing at the World Unity, Inc. Gala Event at the Boston Marriott on November 9. No, I will not be taking 170 people. Just a special 30 or so. If you want more info on World Unity, click here. Also, this choir is mounting a tour of the East coast in February - Brooklyn, Philadelphia, Washington D.C., etc.

Dana Hall Gospel Choir - This year the choir is 75 strong - yes, all girls. We are honored to get to perform at the National Association of Independent Schools People of Color Conference in December. Good times! For more info on the POCC, click here.

Dana Hall Chamber Singers - We just released a CD - "Amor Caritas," we have a performance for the National Association of Boarding Schools in November, and we have a concert tour of Greece planned for March 2008. For more info on TABS, click here.

All of this is going on, and I'm ACTUALLY considering a career change. Can you imagine? I can. I love my life, my work, and the people I work with, but I was born with this glitch that makes me want to climb higher and higher, and for me that means new experiences. No guarantees, but we'll see what happens.

Stay tuned!

- Funkyman

(P.S. - Of course, you know when the blog gets serious, hilarity will ensue next week!)