Fertility Musings, Questions & Answers and News

Preemie miracle

2008-08-18T08:16:00.000-07:00

This story about a baby born yesterday in Nahariya, Israel. According to the story published in Hebrew, the woman went into the hospital for testing because she was having contractions. They decided to keep her overnight and at 1:30 am, she called her husband to say she was 5cm dilated and that they were taking her into the delivery room. Although she was at just 23 weeks, she refused to take any sort of medication because she wanted to give her baby (conceived after 3 miscarriages and fertility treatments) the best chance of survival... The baby was born and was pronounced stillborn. She was wrapped in several layers of sheets and placed in cooling, prior to burial... Five hours later, her mother felt she needed to say goodbye. The father went and brought the baby and unwrapped the sheets. And then she moved. And breathed. And even made a sound.

The baby is currently in the NICU and they are fighting for her life, but hopefully she has a chance.

You can see a picture of the baby here.

How lame can you get?

2008-08-11T12:09:00.000-07:00

CNN published this article which they entitled "How to have a baby when it's not so simple". And then they proceed to give 5 easy (and foolproof) steps that instantly guarantee you'll have the baby of your dreams within 9 months. OK, not exactly.

An OPK? How lame is that? How many women who really have difficulty conceiving does that help? I sell OPKs and I always tell women that if they have regular cycles they should just skip it, unless they want to see the LH surge. I believe they only help when a woman has irregular cycles and is known to ovulate (I was one of these women, so - yes, they do exist). Proving to your doctor that you're trying during the right time of the month? If your doctor doesn't believe you, hey, just pull out some peesticks for proof. Why not?

And one other thing that really got to me - this article looks like it was written when I was first going through infertility nearly 18 years ago. Get with it. Ever heard about this new thing known as "the internet"? What about blogs? Websites? Forums?

Is there any piece of advice* that you'd give someone who's just realizing that it's taking too long?

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*I recommend this article: Keeping your marriage together while going through infertility that my mom wrote for FertilityStories when it was still a brand new site. (Thanks again, Mom!)

Miracle Babies

2008-08-10T23:30:00.000-07:00

This morning I saw photos and stories of 121 miracle babies on MSNBC.

Then again, all babies are miracles...

Back from BlogHer 08

2008-08-04T11:48:00.000-07:00

In addition to having a new blog, I am busy trying to finish my seminar paper before I turn into a pumpkin sometime later this month. I actually finished all the research and am probably past halfway in the writing, but throw 4 kids (including a baby) who are home all day and some pretty bad jetlag into the equation and it's not really that trivial to find a few hours, which is why this blog has been so sorely neglected.

BlogHer was great. San Francisco is just beautiful. I'd never been to the west coast before at all and all I can say is I can't wait to go back. With Ohad, of course. Most of what I did get to see in San Francisco (aside from the conference hotel) was the inside of Old Navy and Ross... The way I got to BlogHer, both this year and last year is that Yedda*, which I've mentioned before, generously sponsored my trip, even though I don't work for them (how cool is that?).

Last year I was the only infertility blogger at BlogHer. This year, I no longer see myself as much as an infertility blogger, but I was ecstatic to see that infertility bloggers have found their place there. (You can see the session below - it is over an hour long, but I found it very interesting.)

I got to meet Pamela Jeanne, Mel, Monica Mingo (who warned me that her blog is "all over the place" - it is), Lori, Dana and others whose names I didn't catch. The fact that such a session was held this year means something to me. I can't even explain why - maybe just the fact that like losing weight, clearing out junk or bento boxes, infertility too is considered a legitimate thing to blog about.

The comment I made during the session had to do with Mel's question as to how to go about building bridges (link to the new blog Mel started about building bridges) between infertile and fertile people. I think I need to understand the purpose of the 'bridge' - is it to increase understanding? Is it to increase sensitivity? Is it to push decisions that will make health care (for infertility) more accessible? And the comment I made was basically, "Don't push people away, don't hate them for being fertile." The other side of it (the fertile side) seems to be awareness - be aware that other women may be trying to conceive unsuccessfully, that seeing your pregnant belly makes them yearn to be in your position, that hearing you complain about stretch marks makes you sound petty... If you experienced infertility - what would you want people to be more sensitive or understanding about? If you haven't experienced infertility, what do you think could help you understand it better?

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*Yedda provides a free, easy-to-install question and answer widget for blogs & websites. They're also donating $10 to an infertility cause for every widget added from the conference link, making them that much cooler.

15 and a half hours and two little boys

2008-07-11T08:50:00.000-07:00

Should be fun (I pray). We're leaving tomorrow night for Los Angeles & then I'll be going (with Yirmi) to San Francisco to the BlogHer convention.

Hey, the way home is only 14-1/2 hours...

If you're going to BlogHer, I really want to meet you!

p.s. Feel free to check out my new blog: www.despitemotherhood.blogspot.com

I grew up in a more conventional world

2008-07-05T23:50:00.000-07:00

Men having babies? Thomas Beatie is a new father... (or mother? or both?)

Women this age in Oklahoma* are (very) often great-grandmothers...

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*I only mention Oklahoma because it's the last place I lived in the US. In my senior year, I sat next to Janet every day in journalism class... Sometime around April, she came in one morning very clearly pregnant. She'd waited until her 18th birthday to tell her parents. (She misunderstood the law about statutory rape.) She had her baby in June or July - that baby would now be almost 23 years old... My guess is that Janet's already a grandmother.

Knowing the future

2008-07-04T01:46:00.000-07:00

This letter I received sums it up pretty well...

I had always thought when I decided I would get pregnant right away because I wanted to be a mother so badly and others have always said, "you will make such a great mother". I have a female partner so donor sperm is essential.I had done 2 IUI's myself and then had assistance with a Fertility center and did 3 more, without success. I also did two IVF cycles was pregnant with one for 3 weeks which felt amazing!! Now I know I can do it!! I went for a second opinion and found out that I have PCOS and the doctor and I decided together to begin a medication which is often used for women with Diabetes. I will try another cycle in 3 weeks or so.....What is the most challenging for me is not knowing if it will ever happen, it would be great to be told 'yes' and the timeline or 'no, I'm sorry but thanks for trying'...

Would you want to know how your story ends up?

Articles...

2008-06-23T02:44:00.000-07:00

Juanne Fuller discusses her feelings after discovering she has fibroids.

Interesting article about infertility in Nigeria.

Lastly - an article about hospitals in Great Britain who are denying IVF treatment to smokers.

Socialized medicine in some countries has led to extensive research regarding single embryo transfer - as a way of reducing the incidence of twins and higher-order multiples and along with that, the long-term medical costs that often follow premature birth. It makes sense to me that socialized medicine has different boundaries. What do you think?

Moving on...

2008-06-15T05:00:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog, I hoped it would be a way for me to manage the tens of questions I was getting each week from readers of FertilityStories. I kind of got into the blogging, wrote about things that were on my mind, posted infertility news when it came up and wrote about infertility research I'd read. I met more infertility bloggers than I can count, some even in real life :-) and I plan to continue to keep up with all of your stories.

In terms of the questions, Yedda's helped me get them under control and many other people are able to answer them and give a much fuller picture than I ever could on my own.

I'll continue to post here, especially news and the results of my research (if I ever get the OK from the ethics committee), but I've opened a new blog that reflects where I am in my life now much more than this one does. I just don't live and breathe infertility anymore.

Thank you all so much for having been with me. I appreciate all of your comments, ideas and thoughts.

We have a winner!

2008-06-15T02:46:00.001-07:00

Congratulations, Anita :-)

And the background, to anyone who was curious, is a passport.

Passports are a frequent topic of conversation around here - we're getting everything together so that I can go to...To anyone else who is going, I'd love to meet up with you! Leave me a comment and I'll be happy to get in touch.

Murano to whom?

2008-06-13T05:31:00.000-07:00

Following is a poll - vote for who should get the earrings.

Thanks!

Giveaway #2 - a treat

2008-06-08T00:45:00.000-07:00

This week's giveaway is Murano earrings, handmade in Peru.

Last summer, Hadas and I imported jewelry and we participated in a fair (selling jewelry) at the end of the summer. We've still got quite a lot of beautiful things.

To participate, leave a comment by Wednesday saying one of the things that made/makes your 2 week wait more tolerable.

Guess what the background is & get a free Murano bracelet too.

Great news!

2008-06-05T23:45:00.001-07:00

Well, there are some people who are hiding great news, but I just read this.

(Actually, Tertia updated the post and now it does reveal the news. Perhaps this is the same news as Karen's, I'm not sure...)

Congratulations!

Or maybe not

2008-06-05T11:57:00.001-07:00

No need to vote this week, our winner is Minerva Jane (please send me your address so I can get them out to you).

When I was going for IVF*, I bought myself a present for each cycle - something that I would get to keep even if the cycle failed. Once it was a pocketbook I loved, another time it was a set of sheets... things I didn't really need.

Anyway, from the emails I got, it seems that pregnancy tests aren't the most appealing thing to win, especially since many of my readers don't seem to need them at this time. So... next week it's going to be Murano earrings - handmade in Peru & absolutely beautiful (a picture will appear in the post either tomorrow or on Sunday).

More interesting?

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*Matan and Lilach, my IVF-FET twins are turning 12 tomorrow! Happy birthday!!!

Yirmi & the paper towel roll

2008-06-04T12:26:00.000-07:00

Yea, a strange name for a post, I know... but you'll soon see why.

Yirmi is soooo cute. Now that he's really close to 3 months, I'm happy to say that I got a baby without colic! I don't think any of the others were as easygoing as he's been so far.

He reaches for objects and laughs!

He loves playing on the mat and sometimes just wants me to put him down so he can play some more.

His outfit is from my ex-SIL who sent over a huge bag of things for him! I love the colors and I think she's pretty cool for being so sweet right after the divorce.

My sister gave me a CD, which I had sitting on the counter and I saw it reflecting the light onto the paper towel roll & got out my camera. (I'm weird, I know.)

OK, time for my weekly dose of Law & Order :-)

Unbelievable Ectopic

2008-06-02T02:14:00.000-07:00

If you haven't read this story about an ectopic pregnancy that went to term, do.

The baby went to 38 weeks and was born weighing 6lbs 3oz, despite implanting in her mother's ovary.

Unbelievable!

Giveaway #1

2008-06-01T01:00:00.000-07:00

Guess what? A set of 10 pregnancy test strips is up for grabs (shipping included).

Want it? All you have to do is leave a comment on this post by Wednesday - include how many tests is the most you use(d) during a single two-week-wait. Also feel free to add why you really want to get them...

On Thursday, I'll put up a poll & let everyone vote for the winner who'll be announced next Sunday.

Good luck!
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Who needs free peesticks?

2008-05-30T04:00:00.000-07:00

As part of my search for a new direction for this blog, I have been trying to think of a way to give something to women who are out there and still waiting to conceive... So this is what I've come up with so far - starting this Sunday, each week I'll put up a new blog post announcing a new giveaway. Anyone who wants a chance to get 10 free pregnancy tests can leave a comment by Wednesday.

On Thursday, I'll put up a poll allowing everyone to choose who'll win.

On Sunday (a week after the original post), I'll announce the winner who will get 10 pregnancy test strips sent to her address for free - shipping included, of course. She'll have to contact me to give me her address (though I'll happily send an email, if I have the email address).

I'm allowing sponsorships too - if there's more than one per week, I'll give out that number of sets of free pregnancy tests (see the sponsorship link on the sidebar).

Are OPKs as appealing?

Blog morph

2008-05-26T04:33:00.001-07:00

I've on the verge of a blog morph... Any suggestions as to directions I could take this blog would be greatly appreciated.

For now, I leave you with this clip we made for Ohad's birthday, with Abigail singing "Alligators All Around".

I almost forgot - a HUGE congratulations to Aurelia whose baby was born last night after a very scary birth.

Blogged down

2008-05-22T03:44:00.000-07:00

Or bogged down... whatever...

I've thought about some interesting things I want to write - the use of lipiodol in women with endometriosis, another take on secondary infertility (or maybe infertility in general). But I never quite get to it.

Ohad's birthday, on the other hand, wouldn't wait and... since it's tomorrow and I am out of ideas (as usual) I did this (click the play button to watch it):

I heard about Scrapblog when I was a BlogHer last year and finally tried it. It's not terribly fast or easy to make something like this, but their user interface is fairly intuitive (though some things just didn't work for me) and it does everything I expected it to do and more. If you like these things, it's worth a try - all you have to bring is your own pictures (or hey, download other people's pictures if you want ;-))

Mother's Day

2008-05-11T01:31:00.000-07:00

I think Erin said it perfectly...

I won't be celebrating for two reasons - one is that in Israel they both celebrate sometime in February (I never remember when) and they've switched it to "family day" and the second is that even if there were a Mother's Day in Israel, my kids would definitely forget. They sort-of-remembered-after-being-reminded that my birthday was yesterday... (and even that just means that they said the words "happy birthday").

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In blogosphere news, my mom sent me over to plan-b. For those of you who haven't followed their story (I did, but at some point I stopped reading), they had a really unique surrogacy experience, with a known surrogate who co-blogged with the intended parents. Go check it out :-)

I haven't had a chance to mention Doc Grumbles - she was at the top of my mental list of "most likely to succeed soon" infertility bloggers and is newly pregnant :-)

Happy 60!

2008-05-07T11:48:00.000-07:00

Today's Israel's 60th Independence Day.

We just came back from watching the fireworks (I sat in the car holding Yirmi, but I think I had the absolute best view in the whole city). Wow. I love fireworks...

This afternoon, we got everyone together for some pictures, wearing our Israel 60 t-shirts - first just the kids... (yes, even Yirmi had a t-shirt):

and then everybody... This is our first family picture with Yirmi :-)

Happy Independence Day!

Moaning & groaning

2008-05-01T00:09:00.000-07:00

I have the lovely pleasure of meeting with the court social worker & my ex once again today. A new report has been at the top of the news in Israel during the past few days - including the recommendation that mothers not be automatically awarded custody of children under 6 (which has been the standard so far). I am sure that in many cases, this is the right thing, but I can't imagine how much more I would have had to give up if my ex had tried to get custody of my kids and actually had a chance. As it was, I gave up a lot (financially) just to get out. I think that there needs to be some sort of labeling for abusive partners so that their ex-spouses don't have to continue to go through hell with them just because everyone naturally assumes they're decent human beings. I mean, the fact that the social worker thinks it's fine for me to have to have my ex agree to the kids going to the scouts - in writing - before he has to pay for it is insane. He doesn't want to pay for anything, therefore he just won't agree. How smart do you have to be to understand that???

It also made me really mad that my ex showed Lilach a piece of blank paper with the bank's logo on it as 'proof' that he has no money. I think it's really slimy to try to take advantage of the fact that he thinks she's not very smart. (She's much smarter than he thinks. She came home right away to ask me if that really means anything or not. I assured her that it does not.)

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Here are some pictures from yesterday:

Yirmi loves being on this blanket and he bats at things - not deliberately, but it's a start...

Nomi, holding the license plate Hadas found and plans to put in her new dorm. Check out her orange shoes...

Ohad and Yirmi in the garden. I love to see them together :-)

Guest Entry - Melanie Blocker Stokes MOTHERS Act

2008-04-29T12:38:00.001-07:00

I was asked to help raise awareness about a petition regarding legislation about postpartum depression & am copy-pasting from the letter I received from Susan Dowd Stone:

I am writing to ask that you post the following link on your websites. It is an online petition to support passage of The Melanie Blocker Stokes MOTHERS Act. A companion bill passed in the House of Representatives last fall to a nearly unanimous bipartisan vote! Democratic Senators Obama and Clinton both support this legislation along with Republican Senators including Olympia Snowe of Maine. Please help us gain our target goal of 100,000 signatures for this petition.

After just one week, we have generated 10,000 and the petition will remain active throughout May, during which time it will be marked up for review. This bill calls for research to help determine the etiology and best treatments for perinatal mood disorders which will affect 800,000 women next year... and this figure does NOT include women whose babies are stillborn, miscarriage or other vulnerabilities such as adoptive parents, single parents.. stakeholders for this legislation are anyone who has ever been a mother or a child!!

We Need Your Help Now! We Must Speak Out in Full Support of Postpartum Depression (PPD) Legislation NOW.

Click here to connect and be counted!

Articles & information about PPD after infertility

Review: The Real Deal Guide to Pregnancy

2008-04-29T02:53:00.000-07:00

I received a copy of The Real Deal Guide to Pregnancy by Erika Lenkert which I offered to review.

In a word: Refreshing.

In a sentence: A colorful, fun, magazine-style book for the pregnant woman and her partner.

Erika Lenkert is a writer who decided to write the pregnancy book that she wanted to read while she was pregnant. The book focuses almost exclusively on the mom and her experience (and not on the baby & its development). It's refreshing in that it's really easy reading, broken up into small chunks; no topic goes on for too long. The design of the book is colorful and appealing, with nice (not cutesy) illustrations and typography (though the font they chose for the book is way-too-small for my eyes, which made me wonder if they were trying to say I'm too old to be reading it). Once I put on my reading glasses, I was drawn into the book and found myself turning the pages eagerly, waiting for the surprise on the next page. In addition to her own experience, Erika had 111 moms fill out a survey and she includes their feedback throughout the book. An OB-GYN reviewed the medical information.

Things I liked (in addition to those already mentioned):

Nice sections for the dad-t0-be, including tips on understanding his partner.

No avoided topics - sex during pregnancy, hemmorhoids, moodiness - it's all there.

Survey results like, "Top 10 Cravings" and "Creepiest Moments".

Recipes - e.g., Avocado Cream Pie & Tortilla Soup.

Tips about maternity clothes, including the fact that you're likely to be wearing them well after the birth.

Links & recommendations for sites, shops & books.

Things I didn't like:

Statements like, "It feels like an instant Charlie horse and fortunately goes away rather quickly." (about leg cramps). This seemed to be too much of a generalization based on her own experience. I had terrible-horrible leg cramps in my calf, in the front and the side of my lower leg. I had them going up my entire leg. Sometimes they lasted 10 minutes and longer & were intensely painful. Sometimes I had them in both legs simultaneously. (There were not many of these, just the ones there were really annoyed me. Another example is "Shopping is depressing". I loved buying maternity clothes...)

Use of terms like "Leaky Faucet" for urinary leaking and "Scary-olas" for the changes in the areolas. Personally, I prefer grown-up talk...

Erika claims to minimize the list of things you need for a new baby and some people might actually want to buy all the things on her list, but trust me, nothing happens if you don't have a changing table, a rocking chair and a bottle sterilizer (to mention just a few). After her introduction, I was disappointed not to find a "bare minimum" list. (I also never used a nasal aspirator and have no clue why you'd need 2.)

Overall, I'd say it's light reading, interesting and informative, with a lively, modern design. The Real Deal Guide to Pregnancy is a book a pregnant woman would enjoy having even if she already has a stack of pregnancy books, because it really is different.