Mom Reality

Retirement

2007-09-05T22:31:00.000-07:00

It looks like I'm going to be retiring this blog. It has served a wonderful purpose. I needed to grieve my baby girl and this has been a comfort to me over the last year and a half. I'm not going to stop blogging. You can find my professional blog at http://injenuity.com and my mom blog on my page at http://www.momreality.com Thanks to those of you who have supporting me through this difficult time.

My Growing Boy!

2007-08-05T21:51:00.001-07:00

He's already wearing size 18 month clothes!

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Blogging

2007-08-01T09:10:00.001-07:00

For someone who teaches blogging at a community college, I'm not very good at keeping up with my blog! I have so many Web interests now, that it is getting hard to keep track. I have been trying to write about my experiences in social networking as a tool for research and writing. My boss would like to pass this information up to a program officer in the Department of Labor who is interested in social networking as a dissemination tool.
I discovered my work pattern while writing the last trends analysis was total chaos. However, I completed the project and collected an enormous amount of resources without having to delve too deeply into any of them. Trying to write a narrative about my journey, has been close to impossible. I especially hate writing in first person for professional documents anyway. I will have to think more on this project.

Test number 2 from phone.

2007-07-25T10:34:00.001-07:00

Test number 2 from phone.

Blogging From my Phone

2007-07-25T10:18:00.001-07:00

I'm testing to see if I can blog from my phone.

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$2.30

2007-07-19T13:58:00.001-07:00

That is how much money I have earned from the 11 clicks to the Google adsense ads on momreality. I don't think I'm going to be able to retire off that! I have put quite a bit of effort into setting up the site and that is why I have not done very much blogging lately. I paid the $20 a month to get the ads off the ning site and run my own. I do like having more control, but we will have to see if it is worth the monthly fee.
I also set up several Amazon stores but have yet to receive an order. It's a good thing this is my hobby and not a business. I suspect the money I spend on my Web hobbies is less than other hobbies. It probably runs me about $500 a year for all my domain registrations, hosting and social networks. That doesn't include the broadband service and accounts for WoW and Second Life.

Disappear

2007-07-12T15:30:00.000-07:00

Almost every time someone from my past finds me online, we send a few messages and then they disappear. I don't get it. Why do they bother writing at all, if they are just going to stop after 2 messages? Do I say something to scare them off? Sometimes I wonder if it is because I respond so quickly. Maybe they think I'm desperate for friends. I'm not. I'm just online all the time and I respond quickly to most messages. It would be nice to keep the conversation going and find out how differently our lives ended up. I can think of at least 5 friends who found me and then just suddenly stopped writing. Sad.

Bizarre Flashbacks

2007-07-05T08:49:00.000-07:00

We were at a party on Independence Day and I had to find a private room to nurse the baby. There was another mom there with a baby a few months younger than Zaeden. She asked what he was eating and I told her I was breastfeeding. She said, "Breast milk is best for them!"
I suddenly flashed back to when Ivy was Z's age and we had a Memorial Day party. There was another mom there with a baby a little younger than Ivy and she asked me what room I had designated for breastfeeding. At the time, I was offended. I was no longer nursing Ivy and this mom kept telling me I should be and that formula wasn't healthy. I looked at her scrawny baby and my healthy chubby baby and was offended. I left the party!
Not long after that, her baby died and I felt so much guilt over my actions. The original cause of death was listed as SIDS, but the autopsy proved it was pneumonia. They had taken her to the doctor many times and it just wasn't diagnosed. I think that experience is why I still don't feel like a "nursing mother." I still feel like I have to defend formula feeding, even though I have been nursing for almost 9 months.

Teeeeeeeth

2007-06-25T16:11:00.001-07:00

Zaeden's got two and Ivy's got a loose one. Z is quite cranky about it, but Ivy is excited. She even wanted to spend time wiggling her tooth before saying good morning to her brother today. She has been carrying a mirror around with her to check on it every so often. I wonder how much the tooth fairy brings these days.

Not Again

2007-06-25T16:09:00.000-07:00

Since I had more time on my hands, I thought I would go back to my old discussion board haunts and start posting again. I should have stayed away! Now I'm back to checking for messages every few minutes and posting responses to everything I read. I hate the way it makes me feel, but once I post, I have to go back and read the responses. Cold turkey is the only way to quit!

Transitions

2007-06-19T12:40:00.000-07:00

I finished my big work project and it is finally off to the proofreaders. I have had my head stuck in virtual world research so long that it is difficult transitioning and winding down. I don't have any new major work on my plate yet, so I have been taking it easy. I didn't even check my work email this last weekend.
I have been rearranging the house. I finally gave up my office. Since I got the laptop last August, I rarely work in the office. For some reason, I was brought up to believe televisions should go in family rooms and computers belong in the office. I have come to the realization that the computer is part of our life and it is okay to have one in the family room. So my desk and PC have moved to the family room and will be integrated with the HD/TV/DVR system. I have enjoyed working on two computers at once while the kids play in the family room. It will probably take a while before I feel like it's not tacky!
My office is now a guest bedroom. My parents are coming in a few weeks and it will be nice for them to have some privacy. Since Zaeden arrived, the play room has been the home of the guest bed. Our guests have had to sleep in a room full of toys, a TV and 2 computers. Now that room is more suited to just hanging out and playing.
The biggest transition is passing by with very little recognition. Today was Ivy's last day of kindergarten. When I picked her up, all the moms and the teacher were crying. I tried to feel some of that emotion, but I think I have been disconnected from her classroom this year. I know the other moms volunteered more. I don't think Ivy realized the magnitude of what is happening. It's not just that she is moving up to first grade. This is her first summer out of school. She's going to be stuck with her mom and baby brother every day instead of her friends. There are about 10 other girls in the neighborhood for her to play with, but she won't be with her friends from school. We are trying to work on a schedule, but I don't know how well it will mesh with my computer addiction!

Yeah..........No!

2007-06-10T11:09:00.000-07:00

I was driving back from dropping my daughter off at her dad's yesterday and trying to think of a good blog post. I thought about how I spent the first 35 years of my life perfecting the art of saying ,"No!" Although it was my first word, I think it took me 35 years to get really good at it. Lately, I've become aware of all the doors I have been closing by saying No all the time. While it has gotten me out of some sticky situation and unrewarding work, I think it has kept me from enjoying myself a bit.
Lately, I have been saying, "Yes!" It has been quite liberating. I said yes several times to my daughter's requests to ride her bike outside last week. I said yes when she wanted to invite her friends to dinner, as I was setting it on the table. I said yes to rearranging the family room furniture, and I love it! I said yes to going out a few times and was glad to get out of the house.
As I drove home, yesterday, I thought about all the times I had said yes lately and had a positive outcome. Maybe it isn't so bad after all. Maybe I don't have to be in control all the time. When I walked in the door, my husband told me he was probably going to a friend's to play cards (World of Warcraft) that night. He told me I should come along and hang out with his friend's wife and baby. I immediately said, "No!"

Vision

2007-06-10T10:40:00.000-07:00

I have a vision of how I would like to set up www.momreality.com, but I lack the expertise to do it. I have been checking out a lot of free programs, such as Simple Machines, Drupal, Word Press, Moodle and others and I just don't have the technical skill to get things going. I would like to have a simple portal page that links to forums, and some type of social networking as well as personal blogs. I would like each user to be able to create a profile that includes their shared images, network of friends, etc.
I don't know if I should just take some classes, read books or find someone who would partner with me to get it set up. I have a stack of PHP My/SQL books and just haven't had time to crack them open. I think if I did take the time to learn some coding, I would do okay at it. I am usually able to find what I need in HTML, PHP, CSS, JAVA if I don't like what I see or need to make a fix. I just need more serious skills.
HELP!

Fertile Communities of Practice

2007-06-06T07:15:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not writing about educational technology, I'm writing about online communities focused around fertility. I have been participating in these communities for seven years, since I became pregnant with my first child. If you are a man, you may not know they exist, or you may wonder why your wife or girlfriend is hopelessly attached to the computer. Your partner may be one of many who have made tens of thousands of posts in just a few years.

In the early days, these started as groups of women supporting each other through pregnancy and parenthood. Signing up with a "due date" club provided a group of ladies to compare symptoms, complain about dear husbands (DH's) and discuss all the things your mother never told you. I believe these groups were healthy and fun and beneficial. Any unusual symptom was greeted with a "go call your doctor!"

Now, the Web is populated with an unlimited supply of medical advice, both real and suspect. There are massive (membership in the thousands) communities surrounding conception or trying to conceive (TTC). Ladies post messages several times a day describing every potential pregnancy symptom in hopes of confirmation from other TTC'ers. Everyone shares their similar symptoms until there is almost mass hysteria pushing each other to "TEST!TEST!TEST!" Community members frequently post that they "know" the other member is pregnant and that this is "their time."

Women waste hundreds of dollars taking early pregnancy tests. When their monthly cycle (AF) arrives, they are extremely discouraged, often "taking a break" to get away from the boards they once found so supportive. Then they begin the same cycle the next month. Some of these women have medical conditions that prevent them from becoming pregnant, yet they still fall into the trap of checking for symptoms and testing early.

If they do become pregnant, they move on to their due date groups and compare symptoms along the way. Rather than contacting a doctor, they will first post unusual symptoms to their boards and wait for responses from others to tell them everything is okay. Other members will search the Web and post quotes from "medical" sites with what the symptoms may mean. Sometimes this prevents the group member from seeking medical attention.

Once the baby arrives, they move to baby clubs where they compare every baby milestone. Again, unusual baby symptoms are posted in hopes of getting a response confirming the baby is developing normally. Advice from other mothers is taken before the advice of medical professionals. Some mothers begin to feel their babies are not progressing normally, even though there is nothing wrong.

If you've read this far, you probably wonder why I care. I'm not trying to condemn these communities, I am expressing valid concern for a culture that has gotten out of control. Here are the reasons why I care.

Seeking medical advice online from people unqualified to give advice and unfamiliar with your unique medical history is dangerous and irresponsible.
Conception is a very personal process usually between two people who love each other and want to start a family. It is more healthful to your relationship to discuss challenges with your partner before placing your trust in a group of strangers. (I have nothing against those who choose to single parent.)
There are very few reasons to take an early pregnancy test, let alone 10 of them. The mob mentality of those encouraging early testing is out of control. The test makers are making a killing off products that are poorly made and frequently inaccurate. Wait until your cycle is late and buy a single test or go to a clinic! (I acknowledge in some cases it is medically necessary to learn this information as early as possible.)
There is a shady commercial industry blossoming around these groups taking advantage of the competitive nature of the members. It is a race to ovulate, conceive, have a first ultrasound, find out the sex of the baby and bring the baby home. Women spend thousands of dollars on ovulation prediction kits, pregnancy tests, books, software, even psychic advisers. There are companies (http://www.intelligender.com/ and http://babygendermentor.com/default.php) who claim to be able to tell the gender of your baby as early as five weeks after conception. These are not real! They are taking advantage of the fact that they have a 50/50 (or better if they use sophisticated software and demographic data) chance to make a guess at the sex of the baby. There are also commercial ultrasound facilities offering a "first look" at baby. Women rush to these early ultrasounds so they can post photos and compare. I personally do not believe these are always safe. Ultrasound in the hands of an untrained technician is very dangerous. I believe ultrasound will eventually be linked to autism or other neurological problems. It just can't be good to bounce sound waves off a developing brain.
These communities inspire a competitive desire for more "stuff." They encourage materialistic ideals. Women are pushed to create baby registries. They post about multiple baby showers. They have to have every new baby product. Babies don't need all this stuff. Your friends and family don't need to buy you all this stuff.

I am not suggesting these communities be disbanded. I acknowledge they spawn genuine friendships and provide support to people in times of need. I recognize the potential power of these groups to influence buying decisions. I have been an active participant in these communities and have only come to realize the negative side of things by taking a few months off. If you are also a member, I encourage you to take a step back and think before your next post. Think about whether you are pressuring someone to make a personal decision. Think about whether you are bowing to peer pressure.

If you aren't familiar with these communities and would like to do some research, here are some links.

http://www.babycenter.com/community

http://p223.ezboard.com/bconceptionstore

http://www.fertilichat.com/

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/

Staples

2007-06-03T11:05:00.000-07:00

My husband sent me to Fred Meyer to check out a desk he wanted to get along with a CD/DVD cabinet. I, of course, had to go next door to Staples first to see if there was something better. I also needed a new shredder (my third), possibly a wireless keyboard and new mouse. I started looking at the furniture, but the sales girl was so annoying, I wandered off to try to escape the store.
On my way out, I saw a shredder that looked perfect, so I picked it up. I purchased the extra protection plan, since I seem to shred shredders. There was a pile of receipts, including a rebate and the protection plan. The check out girl couldn't find a stapler. (Staples?) She went to another desk to get one, and after pounding on it several times, gave up. I told her I didn't need my receipts stapled, but found it odd that the store was called Staples and they didn't have a working stapler. She said none of the staplers there ever worked.

Is My Vacuum Too Incredible?

2007-06-01T13:38:00.000-07:00

I bought this amazing vacuum. It sucks like you wouldn't believe! The problem is, I have to keep dumping the canister. It fills up 3 times just doing the family room. I have to dump it twice on the steps. I know this is because I have a dirty dog, but that's a lot of extra work. However, how can I complain? What's the alternative, a vacuum that doesn't pick it all up?

Nestle Makes me Feel like a Real Mom

2007-06-01T13:07:00.000-07:00

I loooooooove Nestle Ultimates refrigerated cookie dough. It takes me less than a minute to put the cookies on the sheet and then take them out of the oven 19 minutes later. The house smells like I've been baking all day. My family thinks it's a special treat. I don't have to trash the kitchen and the cookies are wonderful!
Note: Don't sneeze with a mouthful of the triple chocolate and your arms full of clean laundry!

Seven Months

2007-06-01T08:30:00.000-07:00

My little dude is 7 months old today! He's such a big guy and I'm so proud of him. He started clapping last week right before we left for his sister's spring concert. The next day he used a similar hand motion for "more" when I was feeding him in the high chair. He is happy most of the time, but I wouldn't call him easy! He wants to be the center of attention all the time and can't sleep at night unless he is touching me. I still don't have the heart to let him cry it out. It just kills me to see his face when he knows I am leaving him. I am so lucky I don't have to deal with day care.

Opportunity

2007-05-30T09:46:00.000-07:00

I had the opportunity to record more hours this pay period than I actually worked, and carry them over to the next month. I decided not to take as much as I could have because I don't want to work as much! I owe work an extra 14 hours so I will probably work 20 hours a week next month. Perfect! I'm finding the full time schedule just does not work out with two kids.
I finished my Virtual Worlds trends analysis last week, but so much has changed since then. I now have the revisions from the team as well as new content based on changes that have occurred in the last week. I hope to finalize the document in the next two days and get it off my plate!

I Want to be in the Top 20 Percent!

2007-05-29T09:57:00.000-07:00

Zaeden has a new convertible car seat and I installed it this morning. I want to be in the top 20 percent who install car seats correctly. I can't understand why statistics show up to 80 percent of car seats are installed incorrectly. The printed directions seem clear. I followed them precisely. I called the fire station to see when I can come for an inspection.
Now I have to figure out what to do with the little guy when I go to stores. I know he would be able to wriggle his way out of a shopping cart. I think I will need to find a front carrier that fits him. He's got a long torso and chubby legs, so that may be difficult!

Happy?

2007-05-28T09:50:00.000-07:00

Just like last year, I heard a lot of "Happy Memorial Day" around town and online. It isn't really a "happy" holiday, but I think many people just see it as another day off. I did not go to the cemetery this year. In fact, Friday, I was driving around town trying to convince myself I never even lost a baby. I kept replaying the scene where the doctor said, "Unfortunately, the baby has died in the uterus," over and over and telling myself it didn't happen to me. Just as I was fighting the mental battle, the funeral director crossed in front of me in his shiny new mini van and brought me back to reality. I flashed back to him handing us the generic, plastic wrapped teddy bear and telling us we could have our daughter buried with it because it came with the casket. Happy Memorial Day!

Education

2007-05-27T11:39:00.000-07:00

I've been searching for a PhD. program that would hold my attention for longer than a few months. I tend to shift my focus frequently, and that is why I am not sure I could even manage a doc program. With the rapid change in technology, how can anyone study in one concentrated area for 4-6 years? I just don't see it as feasible. I am interested in changing the way we educate in the US.
I do not understand why educators don't recognize that students' brains are completely different now than they were even five years ago. Technology is not just a tool to use in the classroom to present content. If someone doesn't change the system, we are going to end up with an awful lot of troubled, unsatisfied, lost adults in less than a decade. Young people now have all the same knowledge and information as adults in previous generations. They just don't have the ability to reason and judge based on the knowledge. Reasoning and critical thinking should be the foundation of our educational system.
Where can I find a PhD program that will accommodate my beliefs?

Collide

2007-05-23T12:26:00.000-07:00

I sense my worlds are about to collide and I am not certain how I feel about that. I have been participating in and moderating Internet discussion groups for 15 years. I have been able to keep my social, professional and family lives separate, but now I think it is taking too much effort.
What I need is an application where I can post everything I would post to different discussion boards, blog, Twitter, etc. and then have the other people/applications pull out what they need, based on my permissions. For example, I may want to brain dump about my family, work, neighbors, etc. all at once, but I don't want them all to see. So I can allow certain people to access certain pieces.
My other thought is that it is possible that I am just a social chameleon and I need to smarten up and just be myself in all scenarios. I need to not hide anything from anyone. I shouldn't be concerned about professional colleagues discovering I'm a real person with a family, hobbies, and faults. I shouldn't worry about my religious parents knowing I don't believe the same thing they do. I should relax about my friends being bored by what I do for a living. Most of all, I think I need to make sure I don't criticise or be spiteful.

Following the Tech Talk

2007-05-22T07:26:00.000-07:00

I finally finished my first draft of the Virtual Worlds Trends Analysis and sent the PDF to my boss for editing/proofing last night. The last several months I have been completely absorbed with this project. I have spent hours and hours reading listservs and blogs and trying to keep up with the latest happenings in the world of educational technology.
I began with the intention of learning the least amount possible about virtual worlds in order to present a low level analysis for community college administrators. I soon realized the complexity of the systems and became more involved and immersed. I purchased land, set up a house, attended a building class and bought new hair! I followed the debates and observed social changes. I discovered a world that was so dynamic, I couldn't possibly compose a static, detailed analysis, that wouldn't be obsolete within days.
I finally decided to create a general overview with links to online resources, screen shots of virtual worlds, examples of existing projects and recommendations for addressing typical challenges. I tried to be objective and I hope the final piece doesn't show bias.
Now that I am "free" of this project, I do not want to let go of my daily exploration of Web 2.0 and the latest innovations in Web technologies. I especially enjoy reading blogs and personal accounts of real world application. Whether Web 2.0 exists, or not, there are exciting things happening to motivate people to open their minds and create. I hope my next project allows me to participate in this world!

Productivity

2007-05-21T06:37:00.000-07:00

I think I have about three hours left before I am done with my rough draft. I can't wait to get this project out the door. Here I am with my little helpers last night.