MPower Solutions

Diffusing a Tense Situation in a Meeting

2008-04-10T14:51:00.001-04:00

Following up to the last blog post, I want to give you a few pointers on what to do should tempers flare during a meeting you’re leading. Sometimes the shock of such deplorable behavior by adults will keep you in a state of inertia. But don’t just sit there! Do something constructive to alleviate the tension and keep the meeting moving. It’s best to prepare yourself for these rare occasions beforehand. I have to say, I used to work for a bunch who regularly pushed each other’s buttons, turned red in the face and wagged fingers at each other. In my case, it wasn’t a rare occurrence. But I am hoping, for your sake, that you won’t have to diffuse anger too often at a meeting.

When someone tries to hijack the agenda to showcase their expertise or expound on a pet issue, assure them their discussion is important and, if necessary, suggest the discussion be continued outside of the current meeting. You could also say, “I am sure I could get an education on tax tribunals listening to you, but we really need to keep the meeting moving.” Remind them of the current meeting’s agenda. More than likely they will get the point and quiet down.

If tempers flare try to defuse by saying, “Your passion for the subject is evident. We are impressed by your knowledge and commitment to your argument, but we need to keep in mind the matter at hand and come to resolution.” Suggest they bring their issue to another meeting by putting it on the agenda making sure the issue is relevant to the issues your organization deals with. If the argument is so heated that it continues on, don’t bother trying to placate. Firmly cut the offender(s) off and move on. Others will appreciate your leadership. Your role is to keep the meeting rolling and on agenda.

Six Keys to Running Effective Meetings

2008-03-25T10:36:00.002-04:00

For the record, I used to dislike meetings. My experiences had not been good. For years I ran meetings regularly and was terrible at it. I let the participants talk endlessly for fear I was cutting them off. Because attendees were my elders and I worked for them I didn’t want to offend. But my timidity was doing everyone a disservice. I'd often allow the deviation from the agenda to be so severe getting back seemed impossible. In my defense, even though I’d been part of several organizations with dynamic people in charge, I had never seen a meeting run effectively. So how do you run an effective meeting? This is what I learned through trial and error and observation.

Six Keys to Running an Effective Meeting

1. The Purpose of the Meeting
Specifically identify the purpose and objective of every meeting before it begins. What is the purpose of any meeting? To make decisions, carry out an action, resolve and to inform. Stay on topic!

2. Agenda
Create an agenda for each meeting. Don’t over pack the agenda. If you have regular meetings, put some of the new business on the next agenda.

3. Facilitation
The meeting leader must be the facilitator of the meeting. We have to be careful and specific here. A meeting is not a facilitation event. It is not the time to ask probing questions and get the attendees to dig deeper into the issue. It is their responsibility to bring their findings to the meeting for discussion purposes. You will need to use your facilitations skills when and if debate or intense discussion occurs and to reign in participants who dominate or divert the meeting from the aforementioned purpose. It takes tactful skill to handle these situations and perhaps a little pre-planning if you’re not an in the moment thinker.

4. Should Everyone Speak?
While it is natural to want to hear from everyone, in order to keep the meeting moving, you need to stay within the time frames you designated for each agenda item. That means not everyone will have a chance to speak. Again, it is the responsibility of the participants or attendees to speak up within the allotted time.

5. Special Guests
Keep special speakers to their allotted time frame. They can eat into the meeting agenda pretty quickly if allowed. Have a few segues prepared to clue in the speaker their time is ending so they can wrap it up.

6. Leading by Consensus or Majority
While it can be done in smaller settings, it is far more difficult to lead by consensus with a larger group. When a leader attempts this mode with a group larger than 6, discussion can go on interminably with little or no resolution. Remember, consensus is an idyllic state. It is rare you will ever achieve consensus true to its definition. If it is your style to lead by consensus, draw up some broad goals or actions that you would like the committee to agree on. Recognize from the outset that there will be some disagreement on the specifics. If you can deal with that and get the committee or group to agree to the broader objectives you will be effective.

Majority
If you prefer not to lead by consensus, set the expectation in advance by informing your group or team that you will listen to all arguments and move forward with the majority opinion as long as it aligns with the organization’s mission. It is important those working with you know this from the outset. Failing to notify them of your preferences in this regard will make you appear like a tyrant or dictator when you settle on a course of action that not everyone agrees with.

Remembering these six keys will make for more effective, efficient meetings. Keep in mind that everyone’s time is valuable and remind others in the meeting of your desire to respect that. It will go a long way in getting your team to respect you and your leadership style.

Image - Work Ethic

2008-03-18T11:55:00.000-04:00

Work ethic also plays into your image. Everyone knows who the slackers in an organization are. Everyone also knows who the over achievers and butt kissers are. For those of you in the middle remember that consistency in performance goes a long way with your superiors. Every employer loves to see an employee working assiduously on a project, staying late if necessary to get the job done and giving 100%. Reliability, team focus, being on time, participating in meetings and thinking about the company’s bottom line all go into a healthy work ethic that will enhance your image. Believe me, employer’s notice.

Slacking in any way is obvious. While you might be the best dressed and coifed person in the office, if your work ethic doesn’t correlate to your exterior image, you will not gain buy-in to your ideas or earn the respect of your peers and superiors.

Attitude

2008-03-16T20:55:00.001-04:00

Another aspect to image is attitude. What does your attitude say about you? Are you a pessimist or an optimist? If you’re not sure ask your significant other, friends, and co-workers what they think you are. It will tell you a lot about the image you project.

Are you a Negative Nancy? Negative Nancys complain the ray of sunshine coming through the clouds after 5 days of cloudy skies is hurting their eyes. They can turn any positive into a negative. In the workplace they stir up dissent by spreading gossip, finding fault with management, your colleagues or your staff for the tiniest of infractions. No matter how smartly dressed they are, their image reflects unhappiness and discontent.

Perhaps you are even keel Kyle. Nothing bothers you or at least it doesn’t appear to. You get through each day dutifully fulfilling your obligations, not ruffling any feathers. But you do not give anything of authentic value to your co-workers, staff or superiors. Your goal in life is to see the clock strike 5PM so you can shut down your computer, hop into your car and go home. What kind of image does an even keel Kyle project? It’s certainly not the negative, pessimistic attitude of a Negative Nancy but it’s not one of optimism either.

Positive Pete is the guy everyone wants to have around. He makes people feel good and finds the lighter side in nearly every situation. When beset with professional disappointment, Pete still looks for the silver lining amidst the troubling circumstances and looks out for others. Pete doesn’t sugar coat but he does look to balance the natural propensity of others towards negativity by turning lemons into lemonade. Pete’s image is one of consummate professionalism and good nature based upon his attitude toward work and others.

While this is a simplistic generalization of attitude types, it is important to remember that your attitude plays into the image you project. Which one are you? What is one positive step you can take to change your negative or even keeled attitude?

No Fair False Advertising

2008-02-29T14:12:00.000-05:00

Some have questioned my stance on image by reminding me that there are those (out there) who are incredibly polished on the outside but whose softer skills need polishing. No doubt we all run into people like this. They’re slick, but their dismissive and disrespectful way of treating people tarnishes their overall image.

Image is much more than the exterior. It starts there but you cannot let it stop there. If you do, you are false advertising. Your outside is saying, “I’m competent, smart, and well respected.” But if your actions do not back this up, the inconsistent aspects of your message will tarnish your reputation and people will see the exterior as window dressing or style over substance. The first thing people will say about you when your name comes up in conversation will be either nothing for fear of being the first one to go negative or it will be about how you treated them at a business function, during a business transaction or in a work situation. It won’t be about your stellar exterior and interior image. Rather than people seeking you out for business, they will seek to commiserate with others who have been on the receiving end of your insincere behavior.

An Object Lesson on Image

2008-02-27T10:27:00.000-05:00

While I am a firm believer that beauty is skin deep, it is increasingly apparent in our world fixated on perfection and status as key weights to your value as a human being, we must be aware of the first impression we give. That is why image is important. People do judge you and your competence based upon your appearance.

Recently a client was not getting the respect from her male colleagues, her boss or her direct reports. While we dealt with some communication and boundary issues she had at work, we also talked about her image. She regularly dressed in loose fitting cardigans, slacks, and well worn shoes yet she was a senior level manager. She gave little attention to her appearance. Meanwhile her male counterparts were wearing suits and ties. Who was dressing the part? Who was getting more respect? Though she was well qualified, she had been looked over for a promotion.

As an experiment she began wearing more suits and well constructed clothes. She was projecting the image of a senior level manager who deserved respect. She backed it with more direct communication and made sure she watched the boundaries between manager and friend. She did receive more respect and is now being considered for the CFO position in her company.

Tell me about your image and what you’ve done to enhance it. What have you noticed gets you more respect from your colleagues?

Image is Everything

2008-02-25T15:36:00.001-05:00

I can argue with the best of them that the above is not true. My idealism begs me to believe in the objectivity of man when it comes to judging others. Sadly, objectivity is becoming a relic on a world where snap judgments are made within nanoseconds of a person’s entry into a room.

I started on my image while still quite young. Although I dabbled in day dreams of having a punk image for an ephemeral rebellious period in my early teens, my parents wisely redirected my thoughts to more positive pursuits. Coming out of my punk induced haze, I began implementing the image I had admired since childhood. It may sound silly but I had always adored the movie stars of the 1940s, like Rita Hayworth. I loved their glamour, the long flowing hair, the big inky lips, manicured nails and the classic, sophisticate style of dress that revealed just enough. I did temper the look, but I nailed the basics. Not until college did I realize I had hit the mark in this area when one of my sorority sisters said she couldn’t imagine me ever looking unsophisticated. Voila! Image achieved.

While I am no Rita Hayworth, I know that the care and attention I give to my appearance has served me well and made others take note when they may have dismissed a nascent, college grad. Today I usually stand out because of the care I put into my appearance. It gives me an edge in that people associate greater competence with a person who presents herself stylishly professional. And in my case, I assure you my competence is more than skin deep.

Be bold!!

Authenticity Continued

2008-02-18T07:00:00.001-05:00

Many alpha males struggle with authenticity because it requires a certain amount of vulnerability, an admission that they are far from perfect, far from the ideal business partner or the genius they project. But it would go a long way in winning buy-in, respect and cooperation from their direct reports and colleagues.

Quite by accident I ran into my ex-boss a couple of weeks ago. I tried to avoid him for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, he makes me uneasy because he is so uncomfortable in his own skin. When we worked together I overlooked it and hoped one day he would accept himself for all of his brilliance and flaws and bask in the uniqueness of it all. It never happened. And it still hasn’t happened. He is plagued by “poseritis,” the attempt to mimic authenticity in an effort to fool the world into believing you are truly authentic.

For those of you working with individuals like this, remember the noble intention behind their actions. There is always a noble intention. (See last Thursday’s post.) It will help you see behind the mask and recognize that the genesis of their action started off as a noble intention to achieve a result that would benefit the company or department. This recognition may help you see beyond your frustration and open the door to more understanding on your part. A more logical and less emotional reaction is always a more expeditious way to finding a solution to the problem.

What does Authenticity Mean?

2008-02-15T07:10:00.000-05:00

Authenticity is a buzz word we hear all the time. It’s almost becoming cliché. It’s the anchor of my own business’ name. What does it mean? According to Dictionary.com, “authenticity is the quality or conditions of being authentic, trustworthy, or genuine.” You know it when you see it in someone. They’re not concerned with what others think but relish who they are, embracing their blend of qualities, talents, foibles, and vices and putting the whole package to good use in their life and the lives of others. Authentic people are refreshing to be around. Those who fail to be so aligned drain us, confuse us, fool us and cause us to disengage.

It is a truth that you can be the most competent person in the world but if you lack authenticity and likeability people will avoid you or work around you. Whereas, those who are likeable are squeezed for every bit of competency they have to offer. We see this right now with Barak Obama and Hillary Clinton. Hillary Clinton can talk circles around Barak when it comes to policy. But Barak is arguably more likeable and certainly more inspirational. In turn, the results of the Democratic primary are proving to be far closer than the Clintons ever imagined they would be.

The Noble Intention

2008-02-14T14:54:00.001-05:00

Over the past few weeks my pastor has spoken on anger and its effects on ourselves and those around us. He made a good point, one that I make in my presentations on alpha male behavior. He said to consider the motivation behind the other person’s action before you jump off into the deep end of anger. Typically, the motivation was genuine and well intentioned, however, in the acting out it got distorted to the point where it caused you to lose your temper.

A noble intention always has a desired impact. For instance, in one of my previous positions my noble intention was to provide the best possible service to the client, the client’s clients and maintain or upgrade the value of their asset. Well, in the execution of the noble goal I ended up alienating key staff people with my demands, condescension and lack of empathy. Because I did not have their respect, they weren’t doing the job they needed to do which kept my noble intention from having its greatest impact. In many cases we fail to see the full impact of our noble intention because our negative traits interfere with the result. You know it is true for you. It is true for those around you as well.

The noble intention is an important concept to keep in mind as you go through your work day. When the frustration factor goes up, it is helpful to take a step back and attempt to see what the other person’s noble intention was and understand that the pressure or frustration you feel from them is tied to their inability to effectively execute their noble intention. A little understanding always goes a long way in keeping your stress levels down.

Male Bosses with Daughters

2008-01-24T11:06:00.000-05:00

Last week I had the privilege of hearing Nancy Schlichting, the CEO of Henry Ford Health Systems, speak. She spoke to a group I’m involved with called Leadership Next through the United Way of Southeast Michigan. Leadership Next is made up of emerging leaders in the Detroit area looking to magnify what’s great about the city and its surrounding areas via volunteering, networking, mentoring and leadership training. The goal is to get the young leaders to think and act collaboratively as well as educate them on issues important to the community they’re committed to.

After a motivational talk on leadership and her experiences as a leader, Nancy opened the floor up to questions. I was particularly interested to hear about her experiences as a female CEO. As a female CEO she is in the smallest of minorities. Only 1.4% of CEOs in the Fortune 500 are women. After hearing her speak I know why she’s made it as far as she has. She is balanced, thoughtful, bright, positive, and collaborative. Still, I was curious as were others as to any advice she had for women climbing the ladder to leadership in the 21st century. Nancy remarked that she experienced greater success and fulfillment as a woman in business when she worked for men with daughters. She observed that these men wanted to see her succeed in many instances because they saw their daughters in her.

It makes sense, doesn’t it? Men who want to see their daughters excel in the marketplace, be it in academia, business, non-profits, etc. will be more inclined to give the women that work for them a fair shake, more of a chance than others. Because they know what their daughters are capable of, hear their ambitions and dreams and know the challenges their daughter’s might face when they enter the workforce it causes them to take the time to mentor and promote you. An analogous feeling, albeit not as deep as the affection they have for their daughters, will supplant any subtle prejudices they may have about women in the workplace. It is true. I have experienced it as well. This is certainly something to consider before taking your next job or as you look for a mentor in your current company.

What We Can Learn From Hillary Clinton

2008-01-21T20:48:00.000-05:00

I admire Hillary Clinton’s ambition, her intellect, and her devotion to her daughter. I do differ with her politically. I don’t begrudge her or judge her the decisions she’s made to get where she is today. What I am going to write next has nothing to do with her political views and everything to do with a problem women carry with them into the workplace. It’s a problem that pigeon holes and stereotypes women – emotional outbursts.

Two weeks ago in New Hampshire Hillary let down her guard. In the now famous diner scene, Hillary was asked how she keeps going on with a grueling campaign amidst criticism. Hillary responded with an answer bereft with “I”. She welled up. Her voice cracked:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/01/07/clinton.emotional/
The answer was about her. She tried to turn it towards something bigger by saying she didn’t want to see the country go backwards but the majority of her answer was about her. She paid dearly in criticism from the press and pundits for this display of emotion that some say included tears. Some contend it is what propelled her to victory in New Hampshire but that it is impossible to prove. Some pundits, many of them women, including Hillary, have claimed there is a double standard for female leaders as opposed to male leaders when it comes to displaying emotion. But I contend that there isn’t a double standard rather the motivation for male tears and female tears differs. In recent memory I have seen Ronald Reagan, George Bush (41), Bill Clinton, and George Bush (42) all display mournful emotion and some tears. But it’s been the context of human loss or national tragedy. The difference is that the male leader’s emotion was not evoked by self-pity. Their emotion was not evoked by a sense of self pity their tears were for something greater than themselves.

Vulnerability between co-workers, peers, leaders is a gift. There is a fine line between self-serving vulnerability and vulnerability that belies sensitivity to the plight of others. The latter creates a more collaborative atmosphere by invoking the idea of legacy or destiny and escalates your efficacy as a leader. Female emotion in the workplace or on the campaign trail is distasteful when it is rooted in self-pity. The alpha male and other onlookers have little tolerance for this. The next time you find yourself thinking that your tears or tirade may sway the opinions of your co-workers, supervisors or staff your way, ask yourself if your pending outburst is focused on you or on something bigger than yourself? If it’s rooted in self-pity, choose to let it go and focus on how you can make an impact by encouraging those around you towards excellence and focusing them on the greater goal.

Giving Respect

2007-12-12T10:23:00.000-05:00

I will admit I oftentimes had a rocky relationship with one of the key alphas in my corporate life. That often happens when you throw two alphas together. But he was my boss so, in essence, despite all of my assertiveness and confidence in my own ideas, I had to defer to him and complete the tasks that he considered most important. In years past, I ignored his deadlines because I knew there wasn’t a penalty. He bark was bigger than his bite. I always thought that he really had no concept of my work load and if he’d been realistic he wouldn’t expect me to complete ten budgets in a six week time frame. So I wouldn’t get them done on time. I would get them done within the time frame I thought was doable.

But one year when I was thinking about my attitude and how it displayed a certain amount of disrespect I decided to get the budgets done on time. I worked weekends for four weeks, but I got them done. As an aside, I hated doing the budgets. It was quite a sacrifice, but it was important to me to show him I respected him and was on board, a team player. It did wonders for our relationship and respect flowed back to me from him. It was a tough time for me in regard to work load, but I learned a huge lesson, when you give respect you get respect.

Over Promising

2007-12-11T16:59:00.000-05:00

It’s happened to the best of us. We begin to figure out our alpha bosses. We understand that they have an intense sense of urgency and high expectations for themselves and their subordinates. So what do we do? We begin to over promise. We think, “My alpha boss dreams big, sets lofty goals, expects great work, I’m going to come through on all of it.” Determinedly, we set out to show him that we are competent, trustworthy, dedicated and skilled members of his team. But what happens? We get overwhelmed. We’ve over promised, set the bar of our own expectations too high and said yes to too many of his requests without keeping the reality of our own limitations in mind.

Little things begin falling through the cracks. Pulling an all-nighter to deliver the cost analysis your boss asked you to complete by Friday morning is the only option left. You’ve gotten started on the other projects, but nothing is near completion and the level of work isn’t up to par either. The item your boss really needed from you and depended upon you to deliver is sorely lacking your careful and keen attention to detail.

This is typical for women who begin to get the hang of working for an alpha or women who begin to understand the nuance of personality, style and type. We want to impress, maximize our effectiveness and show them our value. But what value are you to your alpha boss if you cannot even complete one of the items he’s asked you to do? The answer is you become more of a dead weight, a source of disappointment and irritation. It is okay to say, “I’m not sure I will be able to handle all of that. Would it be okay if we could agree on a timeline for completion that we’re both comfortable with?” Or you could say, “I am committed to serving the team’s goals by taking on these projects but I know the amount of time and attention each is going to require and I’m not sure I’m going to deliver the level of excellence you desire. Is it possible for us to agree on a priority level for each of these projects?” Your alpha boss will appreciate your candor and your desire to complete the projects he’s vested in. Remember it’s okay to say no but make sure you have an alternative solution that makes it sound like a yes.

End of the Year Self Promoting

2007-12-05T16:03:00.000-05:00

It’s that time of year when our bosses begin thinking about merit raises and holiday bonuses. Many of us are left in a quandary about how to self promote while some of us avoid doing it all together because we couldn’t stand to be that annoying braggart who makes us cringe each time he addresses the boss.

Forget about it!! In today’s corporate world you need to fight for what you deserve. Companies are looking for good reasons to cut expenses and if you don’t highlight what you’ve contributed you may be overlooked or given a small raise rather than the one you deserve. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal stated that those who hit the right notes with the boss receive raises averaging 5.6 percent where as those who don’t are likely to increase by only .5 percent. That’s a big difference!!

Remember that alpha males self promote among each other all the time. No doubt your alpha male colleague is going to be highlighting his contributions to your boss. To avoid being that annoying braggart I mentioned earlier avoid self promotion in front of your staff and peers. Go ahead and make sure to schedule one on one face time with your boss. Keep it brief. Remember alphas don’t like to waste time. Be clear, succinct, and direct about what you’ve accomplished individually or with your team in the last year. Highlight how your contributions align with the company’s goals. Stick to the bottom line and avoid listing every minute contribution. Your alpha boss will appreciate your direct nature and hear what you’re saying.

Forget You Are a Woman?

2007-12-03T15:57:00.000-05:00

I read a quote this weekend by Marian Ilitch, the wife of the founder of Little Caesar’s pizza and an accomplished business woman in her own right. She was asked about being one of the few female owners of a casino in the United States. Her response is packed with wisdom. She said, “If you forget you are a woman and just do your job, nobody will realize your age or whether you are male or female.” The most important thing she said is to forget you are a woman. While I don’t make claim to know the mind of Mrs. Ilitch, I don’t think she was saying to act like a man or leave our femininity at the door as business women. Rather I think she was making the distinction that our gender should not define us in the business world. Others may try to define us this way, but we control the final outcome by the action we take.

We are all familiar with the idealistic notion of living in a color blind society. To make that a reality requires a choice by each individual to not see color, but to see humanity. The same applies as a woman in business. We have the power to keep our gender from being an issue, a hindrance, an excuse as we go through each day. If we do your job, behave responsibly, leave personal issues at home, and use the strengths we bring to the table to increase our effectiveness, our consistent performance will be the defining factor, not our gender.

Why Being Direct Doesn't Always Work

2007-11-26T08:48:00.000-05:00

Last week I spoke to a group of women on how to capitalize on their power by learning to speak the language of the alpha male. While preparing the talk I went over the basics: be strong; respect yourself; don’t make excuses; be direct; etc. But I realized that one of my stories of triumph contradicted one of the basics I talk about with women. I have written and spoken to women about the importance of being direct with alpha males.

My experience and your experience may tell you this is true. Alpha males may heartily endorse your direct nature as well. But there are times when passive aggression and indirect behavior such as avoidance, lack of communication, etc. have to be combined with direct language. I realized this to be true when I told a story about how I began to be direct with the alphas I worked with and tell them I wouldn’t be pushed around anymore. I coupled my direct language with some body language that punctuated the point I was making directly. Why did I resort to such tactics? Because I had seen them do it to each other in meetings and because I didn’t think my directness was having the impact I wanted it to have. So I fiddled with my watch and rubbed my temples in annoyance. It worked.

I have utilized the direct/indirect combo several times since. I have determined that when it comes to money and business, alpha males want the bottom line. When it comes to relational issues, areas in which they may have erred, or respecting your time, the combo of both direct and indirect behavior works best because they tune out what they don’t want to hear. If what you’re saying makes them fell inadequate or as if they’ve failed, they will tune you out and try to proceed in the same way they have been to prove that they really haven’t goofed up and that their process is truly superior.

Many times I have been absolutely clear with alpha males about poor treatment, ineffective work styles, ways to enhance morale, preferred ways of behaving only to have it fall on deaf ears. And, yes, I have resorted to passive aggressive behavior when the message did not get through. Guess what?! Each time they have snapped to attention and responded. If you implement the direct/indirect method and it works, please don’t respond in a typically female way to their concerned query and say, “Oh nothing is wrong.” Now that you’ve got their attention, reiterate what you told them earlier and tell them you’re serious, you want to see a change, and how a change will impact the bottom line, morale, etc. in a positive way and move the company, team, or department forward. Let them know you are a devoted member of their team, but that things need to improve. They will respond and get your point. But don’t expect a miracle.

Ways to Increase Your Leadership Capital

2007-11-21T17:48:00.000-05:00

When it comes to women in corporate leadership, the reality is that few women have successfully navigated the maze and made it to the top. The authors of the article, “Women and the Labyrinth of Leadership” in September’s Harvard Business Review suggest a couple ways women can capitalize on the opportunities presented to them.

We all know women are faced with the challenge of raising a family and working. When it comes to networking and building social capital, women fail to recognize how beneficial the relationships established through networking are to them. Both the prioritization of family over socializing and the challenge of networking amidst male themed events end up hurting women as they seek to increase their leadership capital. Don’t let either of the aforementioned become excuses. Network and socialize. Carve out time.

Find a mentor. Studies show that women with a strong, well positioned, respected mentor, (especially a male mentor) make greater career progress and build more effective social networks. I can vouch for this in my own life. I have a male mentor that I respect immensely and who looks out for me, shares his wisdom and has opened up his network to me. He is well respected and very successful. Others look up to him which makes his endorsement of me more valuable to others. A well respected female mentor shouldn’t be a less attractive option, but make sure you find one who is comfortable promoting you and shares your enthusiasm for leadership.

Another action you can take to insure more efficient progress towards leadership is to ask for tough assignments. The authors found that women historically have been shoved towards administration and less challenging assignments. Ask for more demanding assignments, and challenging projects. You need to gain skills and knowledge to be considered for any type of promotion. You will never gain those skills and knowledge if you’re only ever “filling a role” or “supporting” someone else. Again I know this to be true in my own life. For years I craved more responsibility and tougher assignments where I could stretch myself and learn new things that would aid the formation of my leadership style. I knew I could handle more. I asked and asked and asked until I received several additional, more challenging projects. Once I’d proven myself in these areas I was asked to take on more and found myself the youngest and only female member of the leadership team.

Plan for your future success by taking action in the areas mentioned above. Sister, I will see you at the top!!

Transformational Leadership

2007-11-16T14:55:00.000-05:00

What is the more effective leadership style – transformational or transactional? According to the authors of “Women and the Labyrinth of Leadership” from September’s Harvard Business Review, transformational leadership is more effective. Guess which style is more indicative of female leadership? You’re right! It’s transformational leadership. These findings coincide with what other leadership experts are saying. The typically more balanced approach of women is the future of corporate leadership. The balance to which they refer is the balance of head with heart. Future corporate leaders take note!! This is a boon to those of us who have incorporated distinctively male traits into our leadership style only to see it backfire.

What does transformational leadership look like? In short transformational leaders inspire confidence by modeling the behavior they expect from their direct reports. They lay out goals and action plans for achievement of those goals. Transformational leaders look to empower and encourage their subordinate’s efforts. Another thing that sets them apart is their high emotional intelligence and inclination to wear the mentor hat.

Does this sound like anyone you know? Encouraging isn’t it? Fortunately for women, this is a style that both men and women respond to in the workplace. In other words, people respond to this style more readily than other leadership styles. Women who use this style are more effective in their leadership roles. As a result their teams and organizations move forward and reach their goals.

Transactional leadership looks more like the traditional style of leadership we are familiar with. This style emphasizes what went wrong and seeks corrective action for missed objectives. It utilizes the all too familiar carrot and stick approach to managing people. Transactional leaders clarify their direct report’s goals and set up a reward system if the goal is reached, appealing to the self interests of the person. The author’s found that men typify this style more than women. When the leadership of transactional leaders backfires it creates stagnation and a loss of cooperation.

Though the environment in which you work may not fit your transformational style, go ahead and let it shine. Others in the organization, usually women, who prefer this style will endorse your leadership and you will be more successful, even with the men on your leadership teams or boards. However if you do not get the support you need in this area you might end up having to conform to the leadership style of the males within your organization. Be prepared and have a plan in place for how to handle this should it happen. Knowing some of the other factors that make up the labyrinth of leadership will help you in this area. More on that next week.

Hurdles for Women Seeking Corporate Leadership

2007-11-13T21:16:00.000-05:00

If you’re a woman working your way up the corporate ladder you may be anticipating the inevitable encounter with a glass ceiling. However, an article in the September issue of the "Harvard Business Review" dismisses the idea of the glass ceiling and highlights the other hurdles keeping women out of leadership positions.

The authors of the article reviewed several comprehensive studies investigating the challenges faced by women seeking leadership. While we like to believe that as a society we’ve advanced our attitudes about women in leadership roles, the reality indicates otherwise. According to the study only 40% of managerial positions are held by women and 2% of women are CEOs. The authors discovered that there are multiple reasons of which the glass ceiling is only one. They label the myriad of factors they identified as the “labyrinth of leadership.”

They discovered a cultural bias towards women in leadership. This bias is reflected in a study that showed that more people, women included, identified more leadership traits with men than with women. Therefore there is resistance to women’s leadership at all levels. We see this in the wage discrepancy, the value of education in the promotion of women versus its negligible value in analogous promotions for men, the benefit of having a family for men versus the negative perception attached to a family for women seeking corporate leadership, and pejorative attachments to women who act strongly, speak directly and self promote.

Ironically and most discouraging is that perhaps the strongest advocates for women in leadership, other female colleagues, carry forward these same prejudices choosing to betray and despise their sisters advancing towards leadership.

The value in knowing this is being able to identify now the hurdles you may be facing as a woman in leadership or one seeking it. Once aware of them, you will be better prepared to leap over them and win the race.

I’ll have more this week about the author’s finding on the female leadership style and its efficacy in the marketplace.

What If You're An Alpha Female?

2007-11-05T13:24:00.000-05:00

Men aren’t the only people with a corner on the alpha market. Though not as ubiquitous there is such a thing as an alpha female. Alpha females share many traits with their alpha male counterparts, but excel in areas where alpha males struggle, e.g. in the soft skills of people management. Although you may be able to understand and speak the language of the alpha male more easily than your non-alpha sisters, you may still find the alphas around you challenging. Also, you may also experience backlash from your non-alpha sisters in that they may feel betrayed by your assertive, direct nature.

As an alpha female you may not be inclined to embrace your alpha status because of the pejorative you and the rest of the world attaches to it. Let’s talk about how to handle the challenges presented by your alpha male colleagues; your fellow sisters; and yourself.

Alpha male colleagues will respect your strength and direct nature. They may chaff at your leadership and perceive it as a threat initially, but that’s where your soft skills come into play. Because you’re more emotionally in tune with their feelings, you will seek collaboration with them and excel professionally.

Your non-alpha sisters and other subordinates may appreciate your leadership skills and abilities, but others may turn on you. I have experienced this many times. This is not uncommon. The September issue of the “Harvard Business Review” published a lengthy article about women and leadership and the obstacles they face in the corporate world. A lot of the obstacles are based on perception and attitudes about strong women versus strong men. The glass ceiling is not as great a hindrance as it once was. There is a lot of good information worth discussing further. I will write more about it after I digest the whole article.

Subordinate’s reactions to your alpha style may often be jealousy. Cultural ideas about women’s roles and competitiveness may also be factors in why some subordinates and even your non-alpha sisters don’t warm to you. If you have examined your behavior to see where it may be offensive and operate with an awareness of your alpha risks, don’t beat yourself up over the fact that not everyone appreciates your strengths. If you’ve done all you can to assuage their misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and negative reactions (including those of your alpha male colleagues!) to you, remember that their attitudes towards you have more to do with their personal issues, not yours.

Embrace your strength! Move forward and continue to make your mark as a woman of substance.

Saying Thank You

2007-10-31T12:38:00.000-04:00

Why as women do some of us have a hard time with self promotion or accepting compliments? Why are we uncomfortable under the spotlight of admiration?

I give compliments freely. I am always noticing if someone does something well. But I have a difficult time saying “thank you” when someone compliments me. My first reaction is to diminish the accomplishment, ability or strength that someone else noticed. Reflexively I tend to regress into a state of false humility and say something like, “Oh, it was nothing.” Or apologetically say something like, “Well I thought it might be something worth looking at,” as if I didn’t believe that it was a great idea that no one else had or had the guts to suggest.

I’ve observed that women always often swallow before saying thank you or try to diminish what they’ve accomplished just as I do. They almost seem embarrassed that someone noticed their skills. The irony is that all of us long to hear someone acknowledge a job well done, our value to the company, their appreciation for our follow through, loyalty, etc. Yet when we receive the coveted recognition we apologize for it! What are we communicating when we haltingly say thank you or act embarrassed by a compliment? Among other things we tell the giver that we don’t deem our contributions worthy of commendation. Secondly, we may also be communicating that their assessment may not be accurate.
This attitude can spiral into other areas of our life as well. It can lead to us diminishing ourselves when it comes to raising fees (if you’re in business for yourself) or asking for a bigger raise if you work for someone else. Lessening our accomplishments by rationalizing why or informing the giver about the process we followed to receive such a compliment reduces us to just average when in reality we are not. When we do something noteworthy and someone has the grace to notice and compliment us for it, we should embrace it. If true, acknowledge that in the situation for which you received the compliment you were in fact better than average, maybe even great, and possibly brilliant. Each of us knows when we’ve done something outstanding. We really don’t need confirmation from others to validate what we already know. So the next time someone compliments you, smile, express appreciation for the acknowledgment and say thank you in full confidence that you did something pretty great.

Contentment

2007-10-29T18:12:00.000-04:00

There are times in our life when we are confronted with much trial. At work it can be an oppressive alpha boss or worse yet a couple of alpha bosses. It can be a toxic co-worker, unending deadlines, out of reach goals, a disruptive employee, etc. Sometimes we just want a change in job because we’re not challenged anymore. All of the above can lead to discontent and unhappiness.

If you are in this place right now, reflect on your situation and identify what you might learn from the situation at hand. There is a reason(s) you are in this situation. What is it, or what are they? We have a tendency to run away from problems in an effort to escape the accompanying discomfort rather than learn from them. Did you notice that I didn’t say try and fix our problems? I am assuming that you’ve done that and it hasn’t worked which is why you still want to escape, run, flee, etc.

I worked in an office where you could hear a pin drop on the carpet; where colleagues preferred to email each other rather than converse even though our offices were right next door to each other, where joviality was limited to moments when the CEO wanted to be jovial, and where problem solving and independent actions were questioned with skepticism rather than applauded. An atmosphere like this can drain the life out of you if you don’t maintain an attitude of humility and openness to learning. There were times throughout my career when I loved my job and times when I despised it. During these times when my life at work seemed dark and joyless, I learned to reframe my view of what was going on and stopped focusing on what wasn’t going right around me. I stopped focusing on who was irritating me, demanding too much, or mistreating me and began looking for ways in which I might grow through the challenges facing me. As a result I did a lot of growing while in the corporate world.

One way I reframed my situation was by seeking and pointing out the good things. Optimistic by nature, I wasn’t the only unhappy person in the office so I upped the ante and combated all negativity from others with a silver lining statement. People noticed. I laughed loud at silly things. Told funny stories when I had them and started plugging into others lives so their days were brighter. It was a good lesson. Some days I dreaded going in but when I reframed and saw that there was a greater purpose to what was going on, that is I wasn’t the only one being affected or changed, I was able to get through each day relatively unscathed, happy and giving out to others. You might find an approach that works better for you. The key is to see where you can grow. The reality is that our greatest individual growth generally occurs in the fertile soil of adversity.

A most significant benefit of adopting a mindset that seeks to learn from adversity is contentment. I was content because I knew that where I was is where God wanted me and that He was doing a bigger work of which I was just one part. I’m not quite sure what greater work I was a part of, but I know the work that was done in me.
It was difficult and discouraging at times, but the resulting changes are serving me today. The following quote is attributed to a wise, southern African American woman, “If the mountain were smooth, you wouldn’t be able to climb it.” Find your contentment and learn from adversity. You will find that soon you’re looking down from the pinnacle of the highest peak.

How to Confront An Alpha Male

2007-08-30T10:19:00.000-04:00

I have worked with and for some real stinkers. By that I mean, alpha males who lacked empathy and self awareness to such a degree that they routinely alienated those whom they most desperately sought respect. I watched as they harangued their colleagues; demanded their way; or pushed their weight around simply because they could. Sometimes I was on the receiving end of their frustration and anger. Believing that there was some legitimacy to their outbursts I would sit there and take it. As I became aware of what was really going on I developed more bravery, and decided that calling them out would be the most effective way of defending my humanity. For the sake of self dignity I wanted them to know that they picked on the wrong person. This plan, I might add was formulated in a swirl of emotion void of rational thought.

One day my boss was displaying a high level of arrogance and heavy handed behavior in a leadership team meeting. His attitude irked me. Putting my plan into action I began to give attitude back, a passive aggressive tactic which only escalates tensions as opposed to resolving them. He picked up on my attitude and called me out. Here was my chance to let him know he was disrespecting me, the other people in the room and the staff. I summoned my bravery and told him how it was. I didn’t mince words. I rarely do. He was called out. But he didn’t react the way I thought he would. Instead of humbly acknowledging I was right and apologizing to me for his behavior, he started to tear into me personally. Wow!! I was completely unprepared for such a personal attack. The sting of it brought tears to my eyes. Nevertheless, sticking to my plan I fired back a personal attack. The tension was as thick as coal smoke. One of my colleagues (a beta male) intervened in an effort to bring us back to our senses. The meeting ended abruptly. I walked out with a bruised ego feeling worse than I had prior to the meeting.

So what went wrong? While I was right to stand up for myself, the execution left much to be desired. I reacted emotionally to a situation that was distressing me. This reaction placed me in a negative light with my colleagues and my boss. I hate acknowledging it, but I played into the female stereotype of being overly emotionally. My boss reacted the way he did because I called him out and disrespected him in front of others. His response was stereotypical alpha male behavior. He had to save face and put me in my place. His behavior was as void of rational thought as my plan had been. He had no basis for attacking me regarding my work. The only avenue open to him was a personal attack.

So what is the best way to confront an alpha male? Schedule a meeting. Discuss your grievance(s) one on one. Be honest, and above all check your emotions at the door. If an offense occurs during a meeting with others present, take a breath, and quickly outline what specifically has been bothering you. Find a way to make sure that he knows before the meeting is over that you need to talk to him. Beware. More than likely he’ll know that he has offended you and will try to entice you into revealing your beef in front of the others. Be smart, stay firm and tell him you’d like to talk to him afterwards. This does several things. It gives you the upper hand and puts you in a position of strength. Ironically, no matter how arrogant or condescending an alpha male might be, he does not want to be told he’s offended someone. Alpha arrogance generally stems from a sense of infallibility.

Signaling that you’re woman enough to take him head on in a one on one meeting, will only increase his respect for you. Don’t forget to be direct and state your case concisely. Don’t belabor the details. He’ll get the point and you’ll avoid a half hour discussion of semantics. In the end, you not might get as contrite a response from him as you want, but you will have raised yourself to higher levels of esteem in his eyes which will set you up for greater success down the road.

Facing Fear Head On

2007-08-28T09:17:00.000-04:00

One characteristic that stands out in alpha males is that they barrel through fear. In fact its gnawing presence seems to be a catalyst pushing them towards greater achievement. Alphas have an innate ability to harness their fear, confront it and move forward where many of us would falter, second guess and eventually give up.

What does this mean for us? I believe that alpha males have learned to successfully assess the real, and tangible end result against the expectations compromised by fear. Having done this, they move in the direction that will more than likely take them even further professionally. The next step for us is to identify the fear(s) that are holding us back from achieving our goals or experiencing more success and to recognize the truth about fear.

False Expectations Appear Real. Fear tries to convince us to stay in a safe place by making us believe that what lies ahead will be disastrous, a waste of time and money, or a failure. After all, wouldn’t it be easier to not take the risk, stay put, and be comfortable? Move forward through the fear. Practice focusing on what you know is true. List why your product is marketable; your idea stellar; your business plan a vision of success; your dream worth pursuing; or why your solution is a win-win. Then pick up that phone and schedule a lunch with a key contact; hit a networking event geared towards your target market; initiate contact with an angel investor. You will find that the reality is far different than what fear would you have you believe which is something alpha males discovered long ago.