Trimming the Fat

New Beginnings

2008-07-21T10:09:00.002-05:00

Are you sick of me starting over again yet?

I suppose as long as I *do* keep starting over, it's better than nothing.

We moved this weekend. In many ways it was traumatic, although not as bad as the last time when we left our house of 5 years. We fought about this move, a lot. I hate this house. Yet here we are, which makes me feel invisible, as though my opinions don't matter. None of which is conducive to my personal wellbeing and mental health.

Yet I'm determined to do some things better or right this time around. The move at least made me re-organize and streamline. We do have more space for workout equipment now. It's a new neighborhood to explore via walks.

The biggest realization came while we were actually moving this past Friday. That Man was adamant that he could move us (because I refused to pay for movers), yet he barely survived. My Dad is 60 years old and worked him to death. By the time the second load arrived here, That Man refused to carry anything else down the stairs. So instead of our main TV area being downstairs, the couch and loveseat are both up here. While his larger flat screen is downstairs... It's rather amusing in a sad sort of way. He loves that TV, but he's too tired, lazy, whatever to go DOWN the stairs to watch it. Tivo is downstairs too. So he hasn't watched any of his recorded shows yet. His recliner is downstairs.

Yet he sits up here watching a little TV on an uncomfortable couch because of the stairs. He's a heart attack waiting to happen...but he doesn't listen to me. Obviously.

I'm determined to use those stairs to my advantage. The laundry room is downstairs, so I'll be climbing them regularly for that. I also plan to simply take a break and climb the stairs a few times a day. Maybe I'll put a little whiteboard over there and make a mark each time I do it.

I've gotten off track with WW so my first goal will be to return to regularly tracking my food. I have stuck with several good habits despite getting lax on other things (only buying light sour cream, light mayo, light cheese).

The move is a kick in the pants which I desperately needed...in more ways than one. I'm starting to fear that I will never be healthy--either weight or mentally--as long as I'm having problems with That Man. What that means...well. I'll have to figure that out.

Ren Faire

2008-04-26T20:15:00.002-05:00

I'm so stinking proud of myself.

I got up this morning, fixed my hair and put on a little makeup in a thick silence of disapproval. It didn't stop me. I kissed everyone goodbye promptly at 9:30 a.m. and headed out the door. I was a little nervous but not too bad. Jumped on the freeway with no problems. Had a lovely 1 1/2 hour drive to Joplin and found Molly's house easily.

We yakked and yakked. Met her friends at the IHOP for lunch around 1:00 p.m. and then proceeded to the Ren Faire at the Joplin park where they shoot the fireworks off. (Is that where they do the Fourth of July thing? joke from lunch.) We roamed about laughing and talking some more. I found gee-gaws for the girls, picked up a leather bracelet for myself, and bought That Man a little knife set that I would have bought for myself (so if he hates it, oh, well, I get it).

I left around 5:30, found my way back to the freeway alone, and drove home. The monsters were outside playing as I pulled in a little after 7:00 p.m. They love their gifts. That Man has only said about 2 words to me all night.

But I did it. I had a great time. And I'm going to do it again.

Road Trip

2008-04-23T05:24:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure how it happened, but somewhere over the years, I've become a non-driver.

Part of it was necessity: we only had one car for years. So when That Man had to be at the McDonalds on University Drive across the street from Texas A&M at 5:00 a.m., that's when I got to my TA office. Once in Nebraska I waited two hours after class for him to come pick me up. He was working nights at the prison and overslept. I called and called the house, but he didn't hear the phone, either. Of course, when I did finally wake him up, he was pissed off. Lord forbid he apologize for making me wait outside for two hours...

Part of it is fear. I've never been a confident driver, and over the years, I let that fear build in my mind. I've built it up where I don't like to drive even in Springfield. I forget that between 1988 and 1990 I LIVED in Springfield and drove regularly. I used to live in Joplin, too. I even drove I-44 a couple of times without blinking, once to take the GRE for grad school. All forgotten.

I used that excuse to not drive to Joplin, too, to see my sister. I'd have to take the freeway, and I hate freeways. Right? Why is that again? It's not like I don't know how to merge. I do. I drove in KC once and did have a bad experience, but that was a long time ago. I drove in St. Louis nad had a bad experience, then, too, but I didn't have an accident. (Almost did.) So I've built those close calls up in mind to excuse why I can't drive to Joplin, when in fact...

I think I just wanted to have an excuse so I wouldn't have to get into an argument with That Man.

If you've been reading many posts, you know that I'm on a crusade to take care of my artist as well as myself. Sis was going to come here this weekend, but then mentioned a Ren Faire in Joplin, and how she'd really like to go because when does one ever come so close to home?

And a lightning bolt went off in my head. I decided I should drive down there and go to that Ren Faire with her. It would be perfect--I could use the opportunity to research for Conn in Letters, because he does the Ren Faire circuit on the side. Besides, why should she be the one who drives up here all the time, especially with gas prices sky high? Just because of this supposed fear I've built up in my mind about driving? Or was it because any time I try to do something with her alone, it's a huge argument?

Ding Ding Ding

I broached the subject delicately with That Man, prepared for a war, but he didn't throw a big fit. No, he's been much more passive aggressive about it. *wg* He's giving me complicated directions that make no sense. He's suggesting the route that is ALL freeway. He roundabout forced me to invite my Dad to go (Lord forbid I go by myself, you know). He's already suggested I should take the kids (no surprise!).

Any bets how long it'll take him to get the kids all stirred up, begging to go with me? By Friday for sure.

I don't care. I'm going. Alone. And I'm going to have a grand time, freeways and all.

More Than A Pill

2008-03-31T12:24:00.002-05:00

Over five years ago, I had a scare with some bleeding, had a colonoscopy done to eliminate cancer, polups, etc. and the doctor told me the best thing I could do was increase my fiber. (I'd just come off of a multi-month stint on Atkins, no carb diet.) Immediately, I returned to the high-fiber grains, vegetables and fruits that I loved. I've not had a single problem since (other than weight, obviously... but don't forget I've gone through 2 more kids since then.)

Now I could have taken Metamucil or swallowed a few pills to get the fiber, but it was easy enough to eat foods that I really did enjoy as well as were extremely healthy. I couldn't face taking a pill the rest of my life just to get more fiber when it was easy enough to correct with diet.

I can't comprehend people who have a serious health issue and are so narrow-minded and obstinant that they refuse to change their eating habits to LIVE.

That Man is diabetic. At first, he wasn't bad enough for medicine, but he's gotten worse each year. At his annual check up, the doctor keeps increasing his medicine. He tests his blood regularly, but doesn't actually DO anything about it. Week after week his blood sugar rises to 150 with medicine. Imagine how high it would be if he wasn't taking his pills? And he refuses to change his eating habits. I gave up regular Coke, isn't that enough?

Last check up, the doctor noted his cholesterol was high, well over 200. His triglycerides are triple what they should be. So he takes another pill or three. I think he's taking a handful a day now. Yet his doctor appointment on Friday was more bad news: potentially two surgeries, one minor, one not so minor, to correct other health issues. I haven't seen his blood work yet, but since he refuses to change his eating, I'm sure it's the same or worse.

Meanwhile, I'm constantly pressured not to diet. I can't believe you're ruining Littlest Monster's birthday by not having cake. I can't believe you're wasting a trip to a nice restaurant to have salad. I can't believe you don't want seconds. I can't believe you won't share quality time with me watching MASH reruns and eating chips. I can't believe you won't make me more Toll House Cookies. Why can't we go to ColdStone again? The kids would love some ice cream. So what if we ate it last night. How about pizza, too?

It drives me batshit insane. I told him: kill yourself if you want. Refuse to change. But you're not going to kill me and I refuse to let you turn our kids into diabetics too.

A pill doesn't fix dead from a heart attack at 43 does it? And that's where he's going.

Warning Signs

2008-03-29T20:36:00.002-05:00

I haven't been able to keep my food journal going for 1-2 weeks. I start... and then totally forget about it. I don't know why, really. I was doing it every day for weeks, months without hesitation, but now I can't even remember to do it one day. I'm also bored with my food. I'm still watching my points, tallying in my head, but it's really easy to backslide.

So tomorrow, I will work really hard at journaling. I know that's a key factor in losing weight and keeping it off.

Shopping Tales: Since I'm going to the home office in two weeks *gah!!!* I went shopping this weekend. It's about the only time all year that I actually buy clothes for myself. I'm glad I started early instead of waiting until the last minute, because I really didn't see much that I liked. I still need larger sizes, so I'm rather limited in where I can shop. The first place was a total bust. I don't think I was even inside 5 minutes. The colors, the styles... They were horrendous. Ick.

So I went to Catherines today, which is really more expensive than I care to spend, but they have nice clothes. That Man and the kids were in the car, so I didn't have time to browse and browse, but I was definitely in there quite a while. I found a blouse I really, really liked, but I didn't like the pants that went with it. While I've lost a nice chunk, I'm kind of at an awkward stage, in between sizes or something. The pants just didn't suit at all, and they didn't have a skirt, which is what I really wanted.

I almost walked out, but decided to try a different skirt and blouse. The blouse was too big, which shocked me. (That's always nice!) I found a different pair of navy pants that worked with the other blouse. They're not as dressy, and I have 2 pairs like them already. (Which is part of why I didn't want to get them at first--they fit a little too loose around the waist, but the next size down is still too small.)

So two outfits, not bad, especially when my rub-off coupon they handed out at the door ended up being 40% off!

I look forward to the day when shopping is FUN and I can go anywhere, but for now, it's definitely nice to get new things every once in a while.

Crimson Underwear

2008-03-23T20:07:00.002-05:00

One thing Julia Cameron recommended in The Writing Diet is to buy small luxuries for our artists. It doesn't have to be expensive -- just something our inner selves would cherish, something we deny ourselves for whatever reason. She recommended nice underwear.

At first I thought that was ridiculous. Since she recommends doing exactly those things that seem the most ridiculous...

Suddenly, I realized I'm still wearing the saggy underwear I commented on last year. Despite losing more than 50 pounds then, I never purchased new underwear that actually fit, let alone something nice and slightly racy.

So I bought some crimson satin underwear. Okay, I got them at Wal-Mart and not Victoria's Secret, and they're very normal and plain. Except for the color. And the satin, of course.

Whoa. It is amazing what a difference it makes to wear something nice, even something as small as new red panties. I wonder what other colors I will find...?

Ouch

2008-03-21T22:31:00.002-05:00

Tonight was our monthly "date" with That Man's brothers and their wives. Our nephew watches the girls for a modest sum ($10) and we six enjoy an adult dinner. I decided to really dress up again; well, not in a dress, but I spent time on my hair, flat-ironed it, etc. I wore my favorite pants and shirt with my dressy heeled loafers.

We took the kids over to their cousins' house and picked up Aunt S to ride up into town with us. As we were walking back to the car....

I stubbed my toe on the sidewalk and did a full belly flop on the concrete of their driveway. Of course, my bad knee hit first. I hit my right elbow hard enough that I shattered the button on my mid-length shirt sleeves. At first nothing hurt too badly. I got up, dusted myself off, and felt like a bloomin' idiot.

As the night wore on, though, my knee really started to throb. I think it's just bruised, not wrenched, but it ached bad enough I took some asprin at the dessert place.

Dinner wasn't the greatest either. The boys picked out the restaurant, a hole-in-the-wall steak place. I figured they'd have grilled chicken. I mean, what kind of steak place doesn't have chicken? Evidently, THIS place. Sigh. The steaks were huge (e.g. min size 2 pounds!!!) and extremely expensive. That Man was determined he wanted a 2 pound rib eye. At $44, I certainly wasn't going to order a $25 salmon plate, the only other "healthy" item on the list. I agreed to eat a small portion of his steak.

Knowing that he had to share, don't you think he could have ordered it cooked where I could eat it? Well, you'd think... But no. It came out bleeding all over the plate, a huge roast of a steak, so squishy and raw that I could barely eat it. The salad was pre-marinated (so I couldn't order it with no dressing) and so strong (vinegar) that I only ate half. The only "edible" thing I had was boiled red potatoes and a few ounces of rib eye that I ate with my eyes closed so I didn't see how raw it was.

Of course, everyone wanted to go to ColdStone for ice cream. Honestly, that doesn't tempt me at all. I was already cold, and starving. I didn't want ice cream. So I went a few doors down and ordered a Mayan Mocha with skim milk and an extra shot of espresso. Figured I deserved that much.

All in all, not the greatest night. However, the guys all agreed that *I* get to pick the next restaurant, and I'm really going to think about it and pick a place that I would love to eat at, but I know That Man would never take me. It's going to be a place that has their menu online, so I can verify they have a reasonable healthy meal in advance!!

Closet Confessions

2008-03-17T20:42:00.002-05:00

It never ceases to amaze me when I pull something old out of my closet and it still fits. Or even better, it's a little too big. Seriously, I pull on the skirt or shirt from last season or last year with a bit of dread in my throat. Will it fit? Will it make me feel fat? Will it look ridiculously tight? Can I blame it on the dryer? *G*

This weekend, we were guests at Aunt BB and Uncle J's church. For once, I really wanted to dress up. Oh, we go to church nearly every Sunday, the same church for over five years, but I rarely wear a dress or skirt. Actually, I can't remember the last time I wore a dress. Probably a home office trip or two ago. I've gotten out of the habit of wearing makeup, and I've already covered how long it'd been since I colored my hair or had a nice cut.

So this time, I wanted to look really nice. I've been wanting to visit their church for a long time. It's much smaller than ours (300 vs. over 2000 members) and of course knowing somebody that actually goes.... Yes, we've been going to the same church for five years and know (I mean really know, as in sit by and visit as we wait for service to start) NO ONE. Okay, well, one of his ex-bosses attends with his wife, but it's hi, see you later in the hallway while we're picking up the kids. We also see That Man's doctor nearly ever Sunday, but the man reminds me of a creepy cult doctor. I don't know why, he just does. Other than these two instances, we don't know anybody at our church. It's just too big, and visiting or making friends isn't either of our strong points.

I got up early Sunday (even though their service is later than ours) and flat-ironed my hair. It didn't come out half bad. I also put on light makeup (the Bare Minerals kind of stuff I can buy from Wal-Mart). Lastly, I had to get dressed. Gulp. What would I wear? Would it still fit? I'd gained back quite a bit of the weight I'd lost last year, although I've made great strides in removing it again on WW...

I was *relieved* when the outfit I planned actually fit and looked nice. It was comfortable, didn't bind, the shirt didn't gape across my chest or ride up over my hips. All serious concerns for the heavily overweight. Even my pantyhose fit! (Another closet nightmare.)

Quite the victory. That Man even complimented me. (I about died.) The kids couldn't stop giggling that Mom had actually worn tight-tights. *snickers* On the other hand, it's really sad that my getting dressed up was such an affair. Note to self: do this more often. Second Note to Self: Buy a new dress. *G*

Another Me Day

2008-03-14T21:43:00.002-05:00

It's been a rough week on the homefront thanks to a crisis with Littlest Monster. She brought some very unwelcome guests home from church last Sunday and this week has been a nightmare. Despite having a horrific disgusting week, I've been on plan and writing in my journal nearly every day. I didn't get my exercise in, but the weather is turning nice and I know it's going to be easier every single day. Once life settles down a little...

The best part, though, happened today. Aunt BB and I took our outing to Sally's as we planned. We browsed I don't know how long, and she helped me pick out a new fab hair color. I went Dark Burgundy Brown, quite darker than I've done in a while. What's fun this time is I bought all the stuff separate instead of in a box (with the salesperson's help). I bought a huge bottle of developer, so next time all I need is the bottle of color, which is under $3. I typically pay $10 a bottle at the store. I also bought a protein filler (I didn't even know there was such a thing) that helps coat my gray better and make my color more uniform. Then I bought a generic Chi and a heat protector for my hair. I haven't used it yet, but I did color my hair tonight as soon as we got home. Aunt BB loves it, and I do too.

Then we went to Starbucks and visited for about an hour. She left one of my new bookmarks in there. :-) Actually, she's been leaving them all over town, bless her heart.

It wasn't a trip alone. It was better. I had a great time doing girlie stuff I don't typically do and got to visit with Aunt BB without the kids hanging all over us. It was great!

Taking Care of Me Part 1

2008-03-07T11:38:00.001-06:00

Thank you, Wanda, Jess, and Jean for your comments, for simply listening to me! For now, I'll leave the post up. I'm also not going to sit around bemoaning the situation. I refuse to be a victim, because that leads to more pity party and more falling into line with what someone else wants. Not what I want.

So first up this week, I took more initiative to find time for myself. One night I did the WATP tape with PM (even MM joined at the end) (exercise, good, even though it wasn't alone), but the night before last I went out for a walk alone while the monsters were taking their baths. Yes, That Man suggested it when I said I wished I had time for a walk, and he did LM's bath while the two oldest helped each other in the shower. (I rinsed MM's hair for her before stepping out). It was colder than I planned and almost dark, but I walked 30 minutes alone and it was wonderful. No kids whining, my feet hurt, why can't I have Pepper, how much further?

Last night, MM needed some medicine and That Man was really grouchy and stressed by his work, so I went out alone to WalGreens. It was nearly dark (and I really hate to drive, especially after dark), but if I'm going to do anything alone I have to be willing to drive to get there. I picked up the medicine as well as some lotion for myself, and because MM also needed snacks for school, I went by the grocery store. I bought myself a medium skinny honey latte while I shopped and made my way home very leisurely.

While driving home, I decided I'd talk to my Dad this weekend and make a plan for me to drive up to his house and ride horses. The kids will be devastated because they LOVE Papa's horses, but they'll just have to get over it. The idea of being outside and on horseback, which I haven't done since college, sounds really really good, despite the 1 1/2 hour drive to get there. Even if he rides with me, which will be fine, I'm going to count it as an artist's date.

I've done my morning pages each day, although it's really cut into my writing time. I've gotten very little words on my stories, but I'm hoping eventually everything will even out. It's not just the journal that has distracted me in the morning, so I refuse to use that as excuse to stop.

I have a list of artist dates to try alone.

I have a list of positive affirmations that I read each morning.

Bless Julia Cameron--I really feel like these books came exactly when I needed them.

Oh, I also have an appointment to get my haircut this afternoon!

Pandora's Box

2008-03-04T12:48:00.002-06:00

Many of us use food to stuff or deny our feelings. ~ The Writing Life, Julia Cameron, p. 152

A couple of days ago, if you'd asked me if I did this, or if I binged, I would have staunchly denied it. I don't keep food and graze on it. Well, except for Lays, but really, those don't count, do they? And I certainly never use food to deny my feelings. I don't get up in the middle of the night and binge on chips or ice cream.

No, I binge on those chips while sitting in front of the TV with That Man.

Umm. Interesting thought. Yes?

I was doing well on my diet until last fall when I had my home office trip (Sept). I blamed my derailment on traveling, eating out, not having my foods readily available. Still, though, I didn't eat that badly while I was up there. No, the slippage came after. When I got home. I couldn't get back on my diet to save my life. I sank deeper and deeper, off track. I was depressed. Writing was slow after Nov. and I was depressed about that, too. Writing, my great personal joy, my dream, depressed me. Why? Why was I having such a hard time?

I need to journal more about everything, but reading the chapter on Pandora's Box in The Writing Diet brought tears to my eyes. While I was in MN for that trip, I had two heart-to-heart talks with people that I'd never have while I was home. One night I talked to my Dad for nearly two hours. On the way to the airport, I admitted something very serious to Wanda. I'm sure you remember, my friend.

I admitted it out loud.

And it's like my psyche had to retreat. Retreat from that reality, that anger. That's what I think happened, at least.

I don't do well with conflict, that's a given. When I'm dieting and Eating Clean (as Julia calls it in the book--low sugar, low fat, fresh foods, unprocessed, lean meats, etc), I have more conflicts with That Man. We argue more about everything, not just food. It takes a toll on me that I don't even realize until I finally just crumble. And then I sit in front of the TV with him and eat Lays chips until the bag is gone.

I'm going to have to work this out. I think this is why every diet I've ever gone on in the past has failed. It has nothing to do with food, and everything to do with myself.

I think I also now understand another reason the last few years have been so difficult, not just financially (that was the outward result of me being a doormat all these years). Writing. I suspected it, but couldn't really figure out all the whys and wherefores.

Julia uses writing as a weapon to help us understand our relationship with food, and therefore our relationships with ourselves and others. Writing forces us to see deeper. To be honest. If we're not honest, it shows in the writing. Another reason my creativity suffered over the holidays. I wasn't being honest with myself about why I was so depressed. Also probably why at least unconsciously, That Man resents my writing. It's not just the time "away." It's what I think and feel when I'm honest.

I might delete this post later. I don't like personal stuff like this out where everyone and their perverts can read about it. None of my family read this blog to my knowledge but that might change someday. You can bet all of this will be sorted out in that priceless journal I bought for myself.

Update

2008-03-02T16:17:00.003-06:00

A friend heard about Julia Cameron's The Writing Diet, and when I checked out the info on Amazon, I immediately ordered it. I haven't finished it yet, but I really like her approach. Use my gifts, my creativity, to help me stay motivated and inspired on the journey to health. In fact, I'm enjoying the book so much that I decided to pick up The Artist's Way, too.

Part of this commitment to writing, dieting, and my health that's recommended in the book is to purchase a really nice journal for myself.

Okay, this is really ironic. For Christmas, I went to B&N in search of a diary for my neice and ended up getting her a nice journal (that didn't lock). Now I loved looking at them. I drooled over the leather ones but sighed and knew I'd never spend that kind of money on something so trivial for myself. Then for Princess Monster's birthday, I bought her one too (because she admired her cousin's so much). Now I certainly didn't spend a lot on the girls' journals, but even though I really wanted one, I didn't get one for myself.

Wanda's nodding her head here. She's already figured this out about me. :-)

So I marched into B&N and I picked out a LEATHER refillable (I insisted on that much practicality to justify the expense) journal for myself in a nice soft suede green.

I'm supposed to write in it every morning. I haven't yet. I'm kind of afraid to. I'm afraid to commit such trivial daily thoughts to this nice leather journal! Which is exactly what I'm supposed to do....

So that's my plan for tomorrow when I get up D&E for writing. I *will* write in my journal, at least a few pages.

I also walked with the girls both days this weekend, two of them yesterday and all three today. Not far, but a nice jaunt both days. Finally, the weather is beginning to turn lovely (although we're under a winter storm watch for tonight). Isn't it cruel and unusual punishment to go from 68 today to possible snow and freezing rain tonight??

Still, I know spring is not so far away, and I can't wait to get outside and walk.

Breakfast Pizza

2008-02-23T09:26:00.004-06:00

The challenge: come up with a breakfast pizza like Casey's without 21 g of fat and nearly 500 calories (11 points for one slice). Two thumbs up from me -- I loved it. The kids were iffy (each of them liked/diskliked different things, so I'd make it differently for them).

1 whole wheat pita (the brand I used had 4 g. fiber)
1 wedge Laughing Cow Original Light Swiss
1/2 c. Egg Beaters
1 tsp Smart Balance light margarine (for the healthy oil)
1/4 c. canned mushrooms, drained
1/4 c. part skim mozzarella
1-2 slices Jenny-O Extra Lean Turkey bacon

I spread a wedge of cheese on the pita while I sauted the mushrooms in Smart Balance. Added the Egg Beaters and scrambled the eggs into the mushrooms.

The turkey bacon was touch and go for all of us. I really didn't mind it at all and thought it was rather tasty, but that's what the kids really didn't like much. 1 slice = 0 points (extra lean variety) so either way it didn't a lot of calories. I think it was 25 cal per slice and .5 g fat.

Top with mozzarella and bake 10 minutes or so at 400 degrees until the cheese is melty and the pita slightly crispy.

The whole 6" pita pizza was 7 points and super filling. If you're looking to lower fat, the Smart Balance wasn't really needed -- I could spray the pan with PAM and scramble the eggs that way, but I try to get 1 of my 2 healthy oils in with breakfast.

One could also eliminate the Laughing Cow, but it sure did make it creamy and tasty while also holding the egg onto the pita better.

Delicious!

(I'll try to remember to run this through fitday to get the nutritional info later -- we're off to basketball.)

Still Here Cont'd

2008-02-21T21:50:00.003-06:00

I am still here and still on plan. However, I haven't exercised like I planned this week. I'm hoping to get through the EDJ issues this week and be a little more relaxed next week. The TOM pounds that came to visit me last week finally packed up and headed out; maybe I'll see a modest loss this week despite not enough Activity Points!

Some victories, challenges:

Avoided Casey's bacon breakfast pizza. That Man brought home a LARGE. I looked up the nutritional info and just about died. 11 points for ONE slice. Nearly 500 calories and 21 g fat. What made me ill is thinking about how many times I ate it in the past without a clue. Of course, the kids ate it up, which isn't such a great victory....

Tried Jimmy Dean turkey sausage and thought it was alright. Princess Monster liked it; the other two didn't.

Made Wanda's yummy Salsa Chicken tonight and have enough left for two lunches, which makes me a happy camper!!

Still Here

2008-02-15T06:18:00.001-06:00

I'm still alive, still on plan, but I haven't been able to exercise again. I've been putting in a lot of overtime hours at the EDJ to meet a deadline. No excuse -- I could still do a few minutes of exercises each day, and should have. My arms would probably be feeling much better right now. Sigh. But this kind of slamming week doesn't happen very often. (My wrists are telling me I've typed the equivalent of about 20K this week if not more.) I hope to get a treadmill or two in between now and Monday to hit my 10 pts.

Meanwhile, I've been up 2 pounds all week. Don't know why, don't really care. I know it's just there. Probably because I had such a big loss last week. I've been on plan all week, so I'm not going to stress about it. Duh, stress, too--I know that plays a huge part in my body holding on to weight/water. By Monday, I should be in a much happier place.

Cafe Mocha

2008-02-12T09:32:00.000-06:00

It's no secret that I love coffee. I recently bought a stove-top espresso pot that came with a separate "pot" to heat and froth milk (what better way to get in my required 2 servings of dairy?). However, I really don't like straight lattes, and adding just 2T of Hershey's dark chocolate syrup wasn't enough (and at 1 precious point just for the chocolate, I surely wasn't going to add more). The sugar free syrup isn't bad, but today I wanted something like hot chocolate. Something like a Cafe Mocha.

So on this frigid icy day when I have to get my brain into sharp focus for some tough EDJ work, this is the concoction I made:

espresso, dark and syrupy, just the way I like it
1 c. 1% milk, heated
1 Swiss Miss diet hot cocoa packet
2 T Cool Whip Lite

I emptied the cocoa packet into my large mug and added the espresso, stirring to mix. Then added half the milk (prior to frothing) and stirred. Then frothed the remaining milk and topped with 2 T Cool Whip.

Really good, although the milk didn't froth quite as much as I like. Maybe I should have frothed it first before pouring half into my cup. Anyway, it tastes great, for 2 points. Off to strain my brain now....

Too bad I didn't have one of those Caribou chocolate-covered coffee beans to put on top. (No idea how many points that would be.)

Victories

2008-02-11T20:44:00.000-06:00

We're buried under ice again. The kids were home from school, but That Man stayed home, too, so I was able to work pretty much as usual. However, no school means no basketball practice. My first day of the week, and my exercise plan is shot to hell!

No worries! Because we had the following victories:

Instead of fatty ground beef in the chili, I trimmed a lean roast thoroughly, cooked the meat in 2 T olive oil, added an onion, chili powder, and a Corona and cooked it down well. Then added 4 cans of beans and a can of diced tomatoes. It was really good, and 1 cup = 6 points (sorry Wanda, I don't have the fitday numbers yet).
We had avocadoes left from the Super Bowl party that never was, and That Man made guacamole. And he didn't put any mayo in it! Just avocadoes, 2 hard boiled eggs, lemon juice, and garlic salt. 2 T on top of my chili for only 1 point. (According to a CNN article I found, 1/6 medium avocado = 2 T.)
I made Jiffy corn muffins with Egg Beaters instead of real eggs. 1 muffin = 3 points.
I had real Tostitos and Baked. Guess which everyone ate??? Yep, mine.
I had fat free and light sour cream on the table. That Man was the only one who ate the light; the rest of us were happy with fat free.
When I added up all my points, I was 1 over for the day. Plus with no basketball.... I jumped on the treadmill instead!
Then Princess Monster came in and wanted to do exercises with me! We stretched then did situps, pushups, planks, squats, lunges, etc. She had a blast outdoing me on everything. :-) Not only did I earn 5 points (50% of my goal for the week!) but I had company. That was truly priceless.
Monsters are out of school again tomorrow, and Princess Monster has already begged to do a workout tape with me tomorrow (that ridiculous Hip Hop ab tape That Man bought). I'll probably kill myself but it'll be worth it.

Stepping Up

2008-02-11T06:28:00.000-06:00

Where I tend to fail on diets in the past is attempting to do too much at once. Too many restrictions and changes to our daily routines, and I just fall apart after awhile. I've been doing WW online now for 5 weeks. I didn't attempt to write hard (Dark & Early) until last week, because I have a hard time balancing diet vs. writing as I've journaled before.

However, last week went really well. I got up early several mornings. I prepared large breakfasts, high protein, and concentrated on getting balanced snacks midday and afternoon. I ended up writing over 6K new words as well as losing 3.2 pounds!

BUT....

I didn't exercise enough. I did walk Thursday night during Middle Monster's basketball practice, and I did a little strength training (push ups, etc.) one other day, but that's it. I only had 4 Activity Points for the week on the WW Tracker.

So this week, here's my personal challenge. I'm still going to get up D&E to write at least 4 days. I'm still going to work hard on balancing my points with a higher-end breakfast. And this week, I'm shooting for 10 Activity Points. That should be easily attainable with 3 cardio days and 1 or 2 brief strength sessions.

We're having a bizarre freezing rain thunderstorm today, so I doubt the girls will have BB practice tonight. So my first challenge will be finding time to fit in at least a mile or two on the treadmill, or I'll start out the week behind!

Turkey Burgers

2008-02-08T17:45:00.000-06:00

I made these burgers for myself tonight and they were really, really good.

2 servings

8 oz 99% lean ground turkey breast (4 oz per burger)
1/4 c. feta cheese crumbles
1/8 c. chopped red onion
1/8 c. chopped sweet red pepper
1 egg white
garlic, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes to taste

Form two burgers and fry in 2 tsp olive oil. (I needed my healthy oil yet today -- if I'd already had enough, I could have baked them or used PAM)

Including the olive oil, per burger:

222 cal, 9 g fat, 32.5 g. protein, 3 g. carbs = 5 points

I ate it on two slices of Nature's Own double fiber bread (1 point).

Shifting Points

2008-02-08T06:20:00.000-06:00

So my little experiment yesterday seems very positive. I wasn't hungry AT ALL until just before bedtime, and it wasn't a gnawing hunger, just a hint that if I stayed up, I was going to eat. (I was tired so I went to bed anyway.)

I had breakfast, midday snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, dessert. Slapping breakfast and snack together, then lunch and snack, I ended up with the following point spread:

29%
32%
24%
15%

The last number is still too high IMO, but includes Chocolate Cherry Cake with light Cool Whip and my evening 2 cups of coffee. Still, not bad and much better than finishing the day with points left or two evening snacks.

I walked 40 minutes at basketball practice and did some stretching afterward.

Weighing this morning, I'm down a full pound from yesterday. *boggles*

Was it the different point spread heavily skewed toward morning and lunch? The exercise? Or just my time? Who knows. Counting the .4 loss yesterday, I'm down 14 pounds and the fifth week isn't over yet.

I started out this morning with a VitaMuffin D&E and then a large breakfast of 2 whole wheat, reduced fat tortillas, 1/2 c. EggBeaters, SmartBalance Light spread (for the required healthy oil--I'm supposed to get 2 a day), sauted veggies, and Laughing Cow cheese. I started with 1 tortilla but everything wouldn't fit so ended up having another, for less points than I ate yesterday for breakfast.

That Man likes to eat out lunch on Fridays but I have a late morning meeting this morning, so we might not go out. If we do, I'll definitely hit the higher lunch (we always eat Chinese, and 1 c of white steamed rice = 4 points). I don't expect to lose a pound a day (that would be unhealthy), but it's definitely nice to see that number coming down while I'm eating what's really a ton of healthy food compared to 1 c. brown rice and an apple on the Rice Diet....

Balance

2008-02-07T06:23:00.000-06:00

One of my bigggest hurdles is a lack of balance.

When I'm writing HARD, the last thing I want to do is stop and exercise. I write after work instead of starting dinner. Or I write late into the night and get the munchies. Or I get up super early and then I'm starving all day. When I begin switching my brain to DIET, the writing suffers. I'm obsessed with finding new recipes, searching for hints, lurking on message boards, and I don't get any writing done at all (see my Jan word counts).

Somewhere in there is a balance. I know that steady, consistent exercise will strengthen my body and enable me to write longer years, instead of crippling my back and arms by hunching over the computer. I know that exercise is supposed to release endorphins and relieve stress. Still, though, if I have my choice, do I want to write for half an hour, or walk on the treadmill? Well, duh.

I need to take away that choice. Every day, I need to be exercising. That's the goal I'm working toward.

This month, I've returned to Dark and Early writing. Knowing from past exerience that I tend to be starving all day, I've been preparing a larger breakfast. Lots of protein, and higher points than I would typically eat. Instead of oatmeal, I'm eating a healthy Egg McMuffin, made with EggBeaters and Laughing Cow Cheese with a little ham. Including my half-half-half (half real half-n-half; half fat free), that's 7 points vs. 2-3 points of straight carbs.

Of course a higher-point breakfast means I need to trim down my lunch and dinner. I did that a little too well last night and ended up with 5.5 points remaining, which is really frowned upon in WW circles. Yet I went to bed before 10:00 because I was so tired, I had a treat of cherry chocolate cake (reduced sugar cake mix baked with diet cherry coke) earlier, and I just wasn't going to eat at 9:00 p.m. to meet the points.

My plan today is to fit in a midday snack before dinner of a few points to help spread things out a little better. Maybe something a bit higher point than a 1-pt VitaMuffin, which is what I had yesterday. An apple and PB2 works well. I just have to remember to eat it. I've also found my favorite yogurt again, 1 c = 4 points and a dairy.

I *will* get my activity points today, too!

The Blank Page

2008-01-30T12:17:00.000-06:00

So many times, I've heard writers talk about the overwhelming fear and dread they feel while staring at the blank page. How to start. Where to go. With the enormity of the task looming over head like the grim reaper's ax.

It's always been different for me. I look foward to that blank page. Those first words are like footprints in the snow across a field that's never been touched by human hands. It's my world, my page, and for that first draft, it's all for me. So I couldn't understand that paralyzing fear, although I empathized.

I'm starting to understand that blank page fear because that's how I've felt staring at my exercise plan.

I don't know why I'm having this difficulty now and not last year, but for whatever reason, I've felt absolutely overwhelmed and paralyzed. I have too far to go. I don't know how to start. It's easy to convince myself that I'll do it wrong, or fail, or quit yet again, and so why bother in the end. And so surely doing nothing is easier, right?

WRONG.

I know that. It's just the negative self-talk going on in my head. So I'm working on positive thinking this week. I'm telling myself that any change in exercise, no matter how small, is beneficial. Just as I don't have to write 10K perfect words today, I don't have to go to the gym and run ten miles today, either. I have to START. And once I start, then just keep going.

So I joined Spark People like Wanda suggested and let them give me an easy exercise routine I can try at home for awhile until I get my mojo back. There are tons of things I can do spread out all through the day while I work that will improve my strength as well as lower my stress.

It's not writing "in the zone" but it's a start. Some days, that's all the battle.

Food Finds

2008-01-27T19:38:00.001-06:00

In an effort to minimize fat (and thus points), I've been trying some new products. Wanda recommended VitaTops, which I've been unable to find locally. I'm going to order some, I think, because they sound really good.

A big win with the family is PB2 from Bell Plantation. If you love PB, this tastes exactly like the full fat version with 75% less fat. All natural and made FROM peanuts, it comes in a powder, which is super easy to mix or use in recipes. Middle Monster specifically asked for PB2 tonight on her apple (not the regular stuff), and I made an apple dip from fat free cream cheese and PB2 that wasn't bad. The texture was off, a little like cottage cheese. Ick. I think FF just doesn't melt as easily. Anyway, it did taste good. I've also been making regular old fashioned oatmeal in the microwave (1/2 c. oats, water, 2 T dry PB2) drizzled with honey for breakfast. Very tasty.

Since the monsters really wanted hotdogs today, I looked for a lower fat version to try on myself as the guinea pig first. I've loved Hebrew National in the past, so I bought their 97% fat free version (higher in sodium than I care for, but all processed foods are going to be high). It wasn't bad, had a good taste, but the texture was off. (hmmm, maybe my texture analyzer is off!) Anybody found a good, tasty low fat hotdog? I don't eat them often, but it might be nice to keep some for when the kids are in the mood for them, especially with summer coming. However, I need to find a light bun. Regular buns cost me 3 points. Gah!

Who Needs Enemies

2008-01-25T08:53:00.000-06:00

.... When That Man is around?

He told me he feels like he's cheating on me. Why? Because he keeps sneaking Lays. Those are the chips that kill me, that I can't stop eating. I hid them up above the fridge (I'm short) so I wouldn't be tempted, and every once in a while, he'd drag them down and eat some while I wasn't around. I encouraged it. Eat them, get rid of them!

Last night while watching Ghost Hunters with me, he dragged them out. Yes. The hardest time for me at night, when I want to snack and watch TV. He sat right there beside me and munched on those terrible temptations.

Oddly enough, I didn't want any. I was mad -- but I didn't want any. What if next time, I *do* though? He would have passed the bag and fetched me a Diet Coke from the fridge with glee.

Oh, and if you bet that he'd be bringing home donuts within a week, you won this morning. It's not Krispy Kreme, but donuts just the same. He even brought home a cinnamon bun in a separate bag just for me.

(one box of chocolate frosted, which I hate; one box of glazed, and the cinnamon roll in case the glazed didn't tempt me enough)

Isn't that thoughtful.

*insert expletive *

Delicious Recipe

2008-01-22T18:00:00.000-06:00

I made this tonight based on a Rachel Ray recipe we saw on TV the other night, modified for Weight Watchers. Points are approximated based on the foods I used (check your own -- every brand is different).

Turkey Meatballs with Alfredo Sauce

20 oz ground turkey breast (99% lean)
8 oz fat free ricotta cheese
1/2 c. dry plain bread crumbs
1/4 c. Kraft Parmesan cheese
1/2 c. Egg Beaters
1 tsp dried rosemary
garlic, salt, pepper to taste
red pepper flakes to taste
1 T olive oil

Form into balls (I made 12 meatballs, 2 per serving, 5 points per serving)
Bake 375 degrees for 20-25 minutes.

Alfredo Sauce

1 jar Bertolli Alfredo with Mushrooms (1/4 c. = 2 points)
1/2 c. fat free half and half (to thin it down and stretch it out a little)
1 can sliced mushrooms, drained

Warmed in a non-stick pan while the pasta cooked. 8 servings, 2 points each

Meal: 2 meatballs, 1 c. pasta, drizzled with alfredo sauce = 11 points

Everyone loved it, except Littlest Monster wasn't real excited about the meatball (but she loved the pasta and sauce).