Happy meets Crazy

Too Lazy to Even Put In Separation Things

2009-12-30T11:42:00.007-07:00

It's resolved! Next year, I shall send out cards via snail mail again. I have loved, loved, loved receiving all of your cards/photos/letters; they are all hanging up on the wall. In fact, we took down Christmas decorations yesterday, but all the cards/photos are still there. I love 'em!

Christmas was Fabulous! I'm sure I'll post pictures later.

Sad news: Brandon's Grandma (paternal) died on Christmas Eve.
Happy news: She's with her husband who left her a widow in 1976!

Bad news: Snow, still waiting on that job thing, and exhaustion from staying up too late playing board games with the siblings and parents in Idaho.
Good news: The snow is removing the gross inversion air, the job thing should be resolved as soon as today, and exhaustion from staying up too late playing board games with the siblings and parents in Idaho.

The first time we've all been together for Christmas Day in quite a few years (4? 5?):

I have some New Year's goals. I'm sure I do. They are in there somewhere. Maybe I'll write about them? Perhaps? The thing that's got me all crazy is that it will be 2010 in a few days. 2010!! When did this happen? Wasn't I so excited yesterday because it was 1990? I swear I was. In fact, I remember when it was 1999 and the world was freaking out over Y2K. How many of you young whippersnappers even remember Y2K? Hmmm? Not only do I remember it, but I was an adult at the time. And married.
See, there's this thing about time. When you want it to hurry up, it slows down to a snail's pace. So....slow...
But if you want it to slow down, it speeds right on up. This is why as a child it feels as if it lasts forever, but as an adult growing older, it's getting faster and faster. Oh, the irony!

Oh, hey, I feel dumb, but I heard this song for the very first time this month when I was asked to accompany a girl in our ward to sing it in our Relief Society meeting. It's so beautiful; I love it.

Last night we witnessed our cousins' sealing to their adopted son who is from Ethiopia. He is nearly 6 years old and has many special needs. They have already adopted another son who was sealed to them 4 years ago on the exact same date. They picked the 29th of December for these sealings because it is their wedding anniversary, and yesterday was their 10th. They have had 4 biological children (girls), and now they have two sons. Hands down, dear reader, witnessing their son sealed to them in the Salt Lake Temple was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. I bawled like a baby; the floodgates of tears began as the children, all dressed in white, walked into the sealing room, and they flowed fresh as their beautiful son was sealed to them. I can't even begin to describe the feeling, but Brandon's Aunt Carrie said it best (not word for word): Watching a young 20-something couple be sealed together isn't such a big deal; it doesn't seem like much. But seeing the children sealed to the parents? That's what it's all about! It makes sense! This is why we do it!
Have you ever witnessed an adoption sealing?

January is going to be crazy. We're heading West next week to attend a Wharton thing; Bay Area friends, I'll be emailing you soon to talk about getting together!

Apologies to my Blackfoot friends (especially Shelley!); the shin-dig never occurred because of time; who knew a weekend could go so fast?

Wow, do I possibly have anything else to say? Probably. But not for now. Lucky you!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T11:25:00.003-07:00

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

(Luke 2:11-14)

Pictures! And Videos! And Other Stuff!

2009-12-22T16:51:00.005-07:00

Last Friday (the 18th?), I met TaLaisa in real life. Yes! TaLaisa! That TaLaisa! I ordered some custom jewelry from her for some Christmas gifts (because her jewelry is amazing) and we met half-way between her place and mine for a quick swap of goods. I had my kids and she had her kids and I had a plate of brownies and she had a plate of the best homemade Christmas goodies I have ever, ever, ever, ever eaten in my life (which I didn't save for Brandon. Sorry Brandon!!). It was such a pleasure to finally (after 2 years and only living 30 miles apart; what's up with that?) meet her!
Rest assured I will be seeing more of this woman. Much more.
[Oh, and you should buy her jewelry. Or order some. I'm already a proud owner of 4 pairs of earrings myself!]
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Children having fun one Sunday morning:

"Daddy, I need a haircut!

Disastrous results in trying to show-off the haircut:

Christmas Around the World at BYU to see Jessica dance! Remember the couple I'm living vicariously through? Yep. This is them. Aren't they gorgeous?!?

#1 and #2 danced and sang at the annual SCERA Youth Theater Christmas Extravaganza Thingy-ma-jingy:

Thanks to cake mixes, I baked a bit this year:

#5 on the day of his surgery, zonked out from the ordeal:

#1 and her "gingerbread" house. I volunteered to help out in her classroom (with much persuasion from the room mom) while they made these, and I must say that it was delightful! It was just me, #1, and her classmates; rare, that. I think I may have to do it again:

Making Christmas Cookies for decorations with Brandon. I was the camera-woman. Brandon actually did the baking part. But ooh, ooh! If you watch the video, you will see our house all Christmas-y:

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Brandon is currently in Las Vegas for the bowl game tonight. Merry Christmas to him! I really wanted to go myself, but it didn't make sense with all the kiddies. But it really is Brandon's Christmas gift this year, so it's probably good he's hanging doing the football thing with a bunch of guys and not his wife who would somehow twist it into something romantic. Not because I'm a girl, silly --because I'm a hopeless Romantic. Hello!

But anywhosers, he comes home tomorrow, and then he's mine! All mine! For at least a Holiday. And a weekend. ;)

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Oh, and nothing to report job-wise, yet. My faith and patience are still being faith-like and patient, but this may have to do with the fact that I'm completely focusing upon Christmas and all it entails, rather than thinking forward into January. Which is wise. For now. Very wise.

Oh, and Happy Festivus for the Rest of Us!

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P.S. We'll be in Idaho on Christmas Day and for a few days beyond that (possibly until Tuesday morning). If you'd like me to plan a shin-dig, let me know. I'll totally do it. And I'm not opposed to Sunday evening activities with buddies!

Hands Down

2009-12-17T23:08:00.005-07:00

It is 11:08PM, the kids are asleep, the husband is in San Francisco.

The cat did NOT bring in any more mice today, the dishes are not done, the laundry is not folded, the basement is not clean, and there is not a babysitter scheduled tomorrow morning so I can go volunteer in #1's classroom like I promised I would.

We do not have a job offer (yet), we do not know all of our holiday plans, I did not exercise today like planned, and I did not buy the children shoes, even though they all have holes in them.

I did not make dinner for the kids (we ate muffins and make-your-own sandwiches), I have not finished wrapping Christmas gifts, I do not know how much longer I can survive on such little sleep, and I cannot find motivation to clean the shower.

I still do not have enough compassion, and I still do not have enough time. For anything.

But I do know that every time I look at my crazy kids, I'm overwhelmed with love for them. Last night, they watched Voltron with Brandon on his laptop (Note to Parents: Old school cartoons are the BEST and children prefer them to the crazy-social/political-agenda-filled stuff they are force-fed now-a-days), and tonight we snuggled together and read some Dr. Seuss. I allowed myself to see the scene as an outsider; I observed my children individually and collectively, and what I found was that I am the luckiest woman alive.

Hands down.

Success!

2009-12-16T13:51:00.002-07:00

Surgery went well; except for some lethargy on the part of #5 (he's pretty wiped out from the whole ordeal), all is perfect.

Thanks for the prayers!

Contrast, Slush, and Surgery

2009-12-14T09:58:00.003-07:00

Day One:
Watched cousin's one-year-old all day (along with own children, of course), read novel, stayed in pajamas all day, did a little yoga. Had frozen pizza for dinner.
Wonderful day!

Day Two (not all in order):
Cleaned house, did laundry, went shopping (with all 5 kids), attended a baby shower, dropped off/picked up #2 to/from a birthday party, baked many potatoes, made dessert, decorated tables, borrowed eggs, baked banana bread, attended ward Christmas party, finished missionary packages, put together neighbor gifts, made french-bread pizza for lunch, finished online Christmas shopping, went through baby clothes, collapsed on couch at the end of the day.
Wonderful day!
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We have received TONS of snow this last week. But yesterday, it rained. Yes! Rained. Rain and snow do not mix, dear reader. When you have 4 inches of snow on the ground, and then dump a bunch of un-frozen water on it, what do you get? Slush. Lots and lots of slush. That clogs gutters and drains and floods our neighborhood.
When this happens on a Sunday, though, there are two things guaranteed to happen:
1. The snow plows won't be out. At least not until 4PM.
2. The men and young men in the ward will be out nice and early shoveling the slush. And then they will also skip the 3rd hour of church [well, the Priests (16-18 year old boys) did] and commence with the shoveling and de-clogging of the gutters for the next 3 hours.
Brandon was very, very tired yesterday.
Talk about your ox in the mire!
My proud moment? Besides knowing my husband was working hard for all of our neighbors? Watching my girls going out after church to help.
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Surgery for #5 will be on Wednesday morning, bright and early.
Good news: Brandon won't leave for school until Thursday, and #5's surgery should be the first one of the day.
Bad news: #5 can't eat after midnight.

Ummm...WHAT!?

I'm not looking forward to holding a crying baby all night, trying to convince him that although he's only 4 months old, he's really not THAT hungry...
He is going to be mad. Mad, mad, mad.

2009-12-11T20:48:00.003-07:00

The butterfly counts not months

but moments,

And has time enough.

~Rabindranath Tagore

Brain Dumping

2009-12-10T07:31:00.001-07:00

I have a friend who has been a friend since we were 4 years old. Maybe 5 years old. Anyway, she defriended me on Facebook sometime in the last few months. I'm not sure when. I know why she did it, but it still hurts, you know. I finally stopped playing my part of understanding listener and defended myself. Maybe I shouldn't have, since it burned that bridge right to the ground. But if a 25 year friendship can't survive some honesty, then what kind of friendship was it to begin with?

Sigh.

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My husband is a better person than me. This is true because he sees things a little more clearly. Sure, his clear-headed-ness is not always correct, but at least he stops and thinks before he reacts.

Which is why most of his bridges remain sturdy and long-lasting.

Anwhosers, I've been having a hard time with a situation that I can't really get into right here, although I would like to. It has to do with my baby, me, and rejection. I can't seem to get over some things that were said years ago and actions that have taken place since July. My heart is hurting and I'm wracking my brain, trying to understand why people act the way they do. Luckily for me, I have Brandon to help me see that people show love in different ways. As we talked yesterday, I realized that taking offense when none is meant means I am the one who needs to forgive and forget. It's hard, though! So hard! Especially when it could affect (effect?) my baby and future children.

---------------------------------

Oh, yeah. Future children.

You might as well know now, dear reader, but Brandon and I hope to have more children. Probably just one more. Of course, this won't happen until he is done with school (thank goodness!), and I've also learned the hard way that it might never happen (the miscarriage and inability to conceive when we wanted has taught me that I am NOT in control of this), but we want more.

Isn't that loony!? I want more children.

Who knew?

Well, I did. Since last April. After listening to Elder Oaks' talk.

Oh, and thanks to Alison for this talk, too. I needed to read that again!

Yeah, so. Umm. That's all. About that.

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I will never begin to understand why some people believe that in order to be loved they must somehow be perfect. Or at least be seen as perfect. I don't get it. Nobody is perfect! We all make mistakes. And for me, those who choose to hide behind lies, rather than admit their mistakes and fix their situation, end up just making me angry. I can't be myself around them, I can't stop myself from wondering when they will be honest; it contradicts everything I believe in. So, I am cold and calculating, rather than warm and loving. I hate it. I hate being that way, too. Sure, I could just change myself, but once again there is that "this is so hard!" factor. And, of course, the husband is, again, much better at being warm and loving in this situation as compared to me.

Good thing one of us is!

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My neighbor, Liz, is the bestest neighbor, ever. Hands down. Just fyi.

Biggest Loser Finale

2009-12-09T09:34:00.005-07:00

My Biggest Loser Thoughts:

1. I love that Antoine proposed to Alexandra! That was sweet. Very, very sweet.
2. Tracey looked freaky. Like too-skinny freaky. Am I the only one thinking this? I thought she looked much healthier when she ran that mile again after she was voted off.
3. I HATE Rebbeca's hair. Hate it. Hate it. I shouldn't hate someone's hair this much, but I do. Perhaps it's because "she looks so much older now" (according to Brandon), or maybe it's because she is a natural dark brunette --not sure. But it bugged me. I'm so superficial.
4. I started crying when they offered Shay to weigh in at the end of next season. I love Shay!
5. So glad that Danny won! I love that Danny; he's so incredible. But at the same time, I think Rudy is great, too. They were both class-act guys (even with Rudy's disappointing promise-break with Shay).
6. When Rudy said: "I didn't think I had the time" and talked about working and being a dad and all his responsibilities, it made me realize that my excuses are the same. If Rudy, who works 70 hours a week can find time, I certainly can!

Which reminds me: My injured foot is finally starting to feel better. The chest pain has left. But we have ice and inches of snow on the ground. Me running/walking in 12 degree weather? Not happening, especially since I believe the chest pain was lung damage due to running in the cold after not running (at all!) for a year. So...hello step-aerobics, pilates, yoga, and the elliptical machine! Starting 6AM tomorrow morning. Okay, maybe 6:30AM. But still!

Hey, Brandon, wanna join me?

Do you watch The Biggest Loser? Why or why not? Does it inspire you like it inspires me?

Stress vs Simplifying

2009-12-08T14:32:00.004-07:00

Ah, Christmas. The season when we fret over money and gifts, treats and music; plays, programs, dinners, cards, letters, packages tied up with strings, and never enough time to do anything we want to do, and if we do take the time to do the things we want to do then we regret it later, usually around midnight on Christmas Eve when we realize we forgot to get one of the children a stocking stuffer.

Don'tcha just love it?

I do.

Each year I tell myself I will simplify. Each year I tell myself the stress will not win. And each year, the stress comes and comes and...I don't care anymore. Bring on the stress! Because it's not necessarily bad stress. Oh, sure, it would be easier if I thought ahead and say, remembered to buy boots BEFORE the snow fell. It would probably be better if I checked to see if #2 had black pants BEFORE her Christmas theater performance. But where is the fun in that? I'm one of those people who just can't seem to get into the spirit of Christmas until after Thanksgiving. Call me weird, but it's hard to focus on the festivities when I'm stressing over other festivities. So many festivities!
That rock. I need to point that out.

See, I love the holidays. I love the hustle and bustle and race to get everything done in time. I love it because in between all those store runs and phone calls and wrapping sessions there are moment of pure peace. Such as standing out in the cold, staring at the snow-covered night, lights shining softly from the houses... Quietly nursing my baby while listening to Karen Carpenter croon about there being no place like home for the holidays... Watching my children in the glow of candlelight as we read about the Savior's birth... Laughing with neighbors and friends while we compile gifts for migrant workers... Seeing the joy on the face of my children as they open their gifts on Christmas; the gifts they didn't even ask for... Having goosebumps run up and down my arm while tears course down my face as I play for the Ward Choir as they sing about Christ...

Love it. Couldn't ask for a better contradiction of feelings and levels of emotions.

How do you feel about it all? Do you simplify? Do you stress? Do you love it or hate it or both?

Fabulous Theater With The Kiddies: Go, Dog, Go!

2009-12-07T06:00:00.002-07:00

The day: Friday night (okay, so it's not day, but whatever).
The people: Me, #1, #2, #3, and #4 (#5 stayed with my fabulous sister, even though he could have come. Yes, that needs to be pointed out at this stage of the blog post. He could have come and he would have been welcome).
The venue: The Salt Lake Acting Company
The reason: Go, Dog, Go!

That's right! I took the kids Friday night --thanks to the Salt Lake Acting Company (located in Salt Lake City in the old 19th ward building that is now called the "Marmalade Hill Center" and home to the acting company)--to see the musical adaptation of Go, Dog. Go! This fun, fun play is based on the book by P.D. Eastman (you know which one, right? I mean, we've all read this as kids and to our own kids a bazillion times, haven't we? I know I have! In fact, this was one of the first books #1 could read) and was adapted for stage by Allison Gregory and Steven Dietz; directed by Jerry Rapier.

Cool part? It's the first time The Salt Lake Acting Company has put on a children's play! Ever!
And it was fabulous, dear reader.

I'm seriously not just saying that. Because I couldn't, you know. I'm a critic at heart because I've performed most of my life (okay, okay --usually just musically, but you know what I mean). I take the cultural arts very seriously. And since this included my kids, and was meant for them, I took it even more seriously.

How did it turn out? The kids were thrilled. Thrilled! #1, #2, and #3 were completely enthralled throughout the whole production (which is just under an hour). #4 was riveted for at least 45 minutes of it (he's two years old; I was amazed he lasted that long!). I really enjoyed it (as did most of the adults in the audience).

All in all, it was fabulous. The sets were so fun, the acting/singing was top notch, and the interaction with the kids/audience was so well done! I laughed and laughed, too. They had refreshments before and after (opening night, baby!), they were very courteous to the kids (no crazy people giving you crusty looks for having children in the theater), there was a fabulous boutique located inside the theater [where professional actor-people (trying to be gender friendly, yo) sell great artwork and hand-maid products], the kids got free bookmarks, and the graciousness of the house manager(s) won me over.

So, do yourself a favor and GO! Go, dear reader, go! (bwahahahahahaha...ha...ha...sigh). No, but seriously --go! What a fun way to not only spend time with your kids during the holidays, but what a great way to get them interested in the theater!

Here is the remaining schedule:
December 10th: 10AM
December 11th: 10AM and 7PM
December 12th: 12PM and 3PM
December 13th: 12PM and 3PM
December 17th: 10AM
December 18th: 10AM and 7PM
December 19th: 12PM and 3PM
December 20th: 12PM and 3PM
December 22nd: 10AM and 3PM
December 23rd: 10AM and 3PM
December 26th: 12PM and 3PM
December 27th: 12PM and 3PM

Regular price tickets:
Adults: $25
Kids: $15
If you call the box office and mention that you read about it on Happy Meets Crazy (hey, that's me!), you get $3 off regular price (Adults: $22, Kids: $12). Groups of 10 or more people save $5 per ticket (Adults: $20, Kids: $10). Cool beans!

Info about The Salt Lake Acting Company:
168 W 500 NSLC, UT 84103
801-363-7522
SLAC website

In the pictures above:
MC Dog (orange): Colleen Baum
Hattie (pink): Shannon Musgrave
Yellow Dog: Jay Perry
Red Dog: Dustin Bolt
Green Dog: Nathan Shaw
Blue Dog: Deena Marie Manzanares
Musician Dog (purple): David Evanoff

[All photographs were provided by The Salt Lake Acting Company.]

My only regret? Not taking photos of my kids while we were there! Dang...

#5 is Going to Have Surgery

2009-12-04T11:15:00.003-07:00

It's a good thing our insurance is lasting until next month. #5 has to have surgery to remove a cyst in his eyelid. It's pretty common procedure --outpatient, 30 minutes, blah, blah --and so I'm not too worried. However, he does have to be put under anesthesia. Yuck. However, the risks outweigh the other risks, and so we're gonna do it sooner rather than later. Plus there's that insurance thing.

This is my first child to undergo any kind of anesthesia, not to mention surgery! #3 had to get his head glued, and #2 and to get her chin glued --we've never had broken bones, stitches, or surgery (besides my own back in 1998 for the broken nose). Well, I guess Brandon had some moles removed a few years ago. But still! This is new for me. I'm not that scared (hospitals and such don't make me nervous --neither do needles. I know, I'm amazing), but it's still kind of...anxious-making.

To those of you (especially Julie) who deal with this a lot, my love goes out to you.

Living Vicariously Through Other People and Choosing to Burn a Bridge or Two

2009-12-02T09:45:00.004-07:00

I am currently living vicariously through some people. No, it's not my children (why would I want to live vicariously through them? I mean, I loved being 6-years-old and 8-years-old and all, but I can barely even remember being 16-years-old, let alone 6, so the whole "vicarious" thing wouldn't work so well, you know?).
I am living vicariously through a nice young couple.
Here's the story:
One of our "boys" (Isaac) came home from his mission in August. He goes to BYU and is still attending our ward, much to our delight. My brother's wife's cousin (Jessica) also attends BYU and is just fabulous. So, we set them up on a date. Which turned into two dates. Then three. Then spending everyday together. Then Facebook "currently-in-a-relationship" status!

They hang out with us a lot; Jessica is far from home (TN) and Isaac has always hung out with us a lot (except for that 2 year mission thing). They love our kids (free babysitting, yo!) and we love them. We have the same taste in movies, games, and football. Plus, Brandon and I are way super cool. Totally radical, man!
Hehe.
Anyway, we have lots of fun with them. And they are here a lot (did I already mention that?). So, I see them being cute together. I hear about their relationship progress. I giggle when she (or he) talks about the hand-holding or the first kiss. I love seeing them together, experiencing the newness of a relationship, the excitement of romance, the rush of an unknown future. It takes me back and makes me nostalgic. Sure, I'd rather be in the deep throws of commitment and complete bonding that I have with my husband, but I'm still feeling a bit...vicarious-like. I'm trying not to obsess about their relationship (obsessiveness really isn't that good. Unless you're obsessed with being a good person. I think), but sometimes it's hard!
Luckily, I'm not completely insane -yet- so I can back off a bit (insert nervous chuckle here).

Do you ever live vicariously through other people?
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I used to pride myself on never burning bridges. In fact, I wrote a post about it here. It was a good post, too, if I do say so myself. But anyway, I'm here to admit that I've burned myself a few bridges this year. It wasn't intentional, but part of me thinks that maybe it was intentional. I have learned something through it all, though:
Toxic relationships should be burned.
Not necessarily blown up, but burned, for sure. The worst part is not feeling guilty when an association with a person comes to an end. This was particularly disconcerting for me because I have always prided myself on my social ability --I love friends. I love them. I want them to be happy. I like to foster relationships. But I think in the course of these last few years, I have discovered that I don't have enough time to care about everyone. I can't. The people who need me the most (including my sanity) can't compete with my incessant need to please everyone.

[Which reminds me: Brenna, do you still have Co-Dependency No More? I need to borrow it!]

So, I've let go. I have, in fact, chosen honesty over kindness a few times. I think that's the other thing --I hate hypocrisy in every form. I may be a hypocrite for even saying that (I mean, come on, we're not all perfect!), but I do. I can't stand people who pretend for the sake of show and/or pride. Drives me INSANE. But since I can't always control that, I realized I can control interaction. Plus I can shield myself from toxic relationships and/or conversations.

What a revelation!

But see, it's not just about burning bridges, either. Sometimes it's just about closing them down for repairs for a while. Or perhaps we're both on vacation. Just to be clear: I don't see a relationship that has little interaction to automatically equate burnage. For example: My bosom buddy, Emily G. and I talk about once a year. Maybe. But it's not because we don't love each other --we're just busy, busy women with lots to do. When we do get together or talk, our friendship and concern for each other is evident --without judgement, reservation, or insult. It's awesome. I actually have many relationships like this (I'm guessing you do, too!).

So, now that I've probably made this more confusing, I'll conclude with this: Burning bridges is not my recommendation --kindness really should be the rule (oh, ummm...it is the rule). However, sometimes we must burn to save ourselves. Ooh! Like a fire being started to stop a fire! Yes! Like that!
Or something.

Do you burn bridges? Or try not to? Or do it all the time so the feds have to come and haul you to jail?
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P.S. Go read this post and listen to the song. It's beautiful!

Sigh

2009-12-01T09:31:00.001-07:00

So, life is going pretty good now-a-days. Sure, I injured my foot because I pushed myself too hard on the hill last week (I think I tore a muscle. Or twisted it. Or something), and yeah, I'm having chest pain (severe left side chest pain with every breath and so I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to get it checked out), and yeah, #5 has some kind of growth in his eyelid and so we need to go see a specialist to make sure it's harmless, and for sure, we're still waiting for job offers that we're optimistic will come, and yes, there's the constant exhaustion, but life is still pretty good. Why? Well, thanks for asking! I'll tell you:

1. Our house is merrily decked out for the holidays. I love me some merrily decking out.
2. Although my body is being put through the wringer these early mornings, I sure love waking up early and exercising. Okay, that's an oxymoron, because I really don't like the cold, or the early, but once I'm outside? Looking at the clear sky full of stars? Walking down a quiet street to meet two fabulous women and enjoy an hour of excellent education and sweat? I'm in heaven, baby.
3. Music soothes the soul. My soul is soothed with some of this going on:

4. Babies are delicious. Especially mine!
5. Brandon has a fourth round interview later this week with a company in California, and a meeting with a local company next week that more than likely will result in an offer!
6. We can pay our bills. And still have Christmas.

That's all for now. I wish I could write more and something very eloquent and comment-inspiring, but the baby is poopy and hungry, the kids are wreaking havoc, and I have to take the kiddies to stuff in a little bit. As most of you may have already guessed, this blasted post, as short as it is, has taken me all day to write. So much sighing...

Turkey Day and Exercising!

2009-11-27T10:11:00.005-07:00

1 turkey + mashed potatoes, cheesy beans, cranberry-apple-orange sauce, orange rolls, stuffing, and 3 pies = one fabulous Thanksgiving feast.

Brandon made the orange rolls and the turkey:

I ate way too much pie.

We watched the parade, football games, and movies. We visited with Brandon's dad and then went to see Brandon's grandma. We played Settlers of Catan with Isaac (one of our "boys") and Jessica (cousin of SIL dating our "boy"). We laughed, we lounged, and we ate, ate, ate.

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This morning, I went walking.

YES!

Thanks to my EB (which resulted in having conversations with myself) and your fabulous comments, dear reader, I was ready to say "YES!" when my former running buddy invited me to start running/walking with her and another neighbor.

Is it early in the morning? So early.

Is it cold? Freezing!

Am I glad I'm doing it? YES!

Even though I pushed myself too hard on Wednesday and bruised my foot? Fo' shizzle.

Exercising Cheryl is back, yo'!

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#5 has decided that sleeping in his own crib is overrated.

Sigh.

I need to nip this in the bud soon. Sooner than soon. But he's so flippin' cute and it's so easy to sleep when I just put him next to me, but I don't do well with co-sleeping. In fact, it makes me crazy...

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I have so many things I want to blog about, but not much time to write them. I may have to start making some time. Because I like blogging again. Or writing? Both? Sure --both.

2009-11-25T07:48:00.001-07:00

When the sun rises, I go to work,
When the sun goes down, I take my rest.
I dig the well from which I drink
I farm the soil that yields my food
I share creation. Kings can do no more.
~Ancient Chinese saying (2500 B.C.)

Gratitude Becomes Service

2009-11-24T07:12:00.000-07:00

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought;

and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.

~G.K. Chesterton

I could list all of the things I'm grateful for, and I know it would be long. It would include people, places, experiences, pains, joys, basic necessities, and the written word (in all forms). I could go on forever, really. I could. And to be honest, I try to be a grateful person in general, but sometimes I fail. I forget how much I have. I dwell on the bad stuff.

But you know? Bad stuff happens to everyone, not just me.

This is why I'm so grateful for the Primary theme this month: My Family and I Can Serve Others. Both #1 and #2 gave talks this month in Primary on this topic, and so I've had time to think about it a lot. I've been dwelling a lot on my current problems (no job, Depression, other-stuff-I'm-sure-I-have-if-I-think-about-it-long-enough) and I realized I needed to shift focus.

How I shifted:
*I was inspired by President Monson's talk (we discussed in it Relief Society on Sunday) and Alison Wonderland's post on service. I was also inspired by m&m providing my family with a "warm fuzzy" jar (read Pres. Monson's talk to know what that is) and this awesome, awesome video:

*I helped make personal gift baskets that will be delivered to mothers for the Sub for Santa program in our area.
*I took several tags off of the giving tree, realizing I had most of the stuff at home and could easily provide more.
*I had the kids help me make banana bread on Sunday and we took the loaves to people in the ward who have helped my kids.
*At FHE last night, we talked about the Holy Ghost and how He can prompt us to serve others.
*Today we are going to be taking food to the food bank.
*Oh! Last week, Brandon took the kids with him to clean the church.
*I remembered fondly our Christmas gifts from Brandon's mom and sister last year: Money to donate to Kiva (this is awesome --you need to do this if you can! It's been a year and I'm still able to re-loan out the same amount of money over and over and over) and money to buy food for a food bank in CA. The kids had so much fun shopping for food for other people; we talked about it again last night and I realized that it was the BEST Christmas gift they've ever received! Thank you to Nana!

You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing

and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.

~G.K. Chesterton

Now that I've shifted a tad, I realize that I'm so blessed. So lucky. So very, very, very rich. Even now as I type this, I am overcome with gratitude to my God for all He has done, all He has given, and all I know He will continue to give. My life is not the one I thought it would be, and my problems and pains are not the ones I wanted them to be, but I would be a filthy liar if I said I wasn't grateful for all of it. Because I am. I love my life. And this gives me the power to serve others.
Or is the serving giving me the power to be grateful?
I believe it's both--so deeply intertwined together that you cannot see the beginning nor the end.

There is not a more pleasing exercise of the mind than gratitude. It is accompanied with such an inward satisfaction that the duty is sufficiently rewarded by the performance.

~Joseph Addison

Stuff We've Been Doing Lately

2009-11-23T11:40:00.000-07:00

My cousin got married; photo includes my mom, my sister, my grandma, and my cousin (not the one that got married. The brother of the groom. Although he DID get married. Just not on this day. You know what I mean!):

My nephew was blessed!

Having fun at home:

In-N-Out opened in Orem. Hooray, hooray, hooray!

(Hmmm...maybe I should have ordered the double-double...)

Brandon had a birthday and we celebrated part of it at Pirate Island Pizza (great food and lots of fun inspired the kids to dress up as pirates when we got home):

BYU versus Air Force (BYU won!):

[Birthday and BYU game photos courtesty of my FIL.]

I wish I had photos of the wedding we attended on Saturday: He was one of our "boys." Who are our "boys," you ask? Well...

Brandon worked with the Deacon's Quorum --in several capacities--in our current ward for 5 1/2 years before we moved to the Bay Area in 2007. Three of those Deacons became our buddies through the years --always hanging out with us, coming to me for girl advice (weird, I know), playing x-box, helping with chores, babysat our kids, ate our food, etc. and basically became like younger brothers (or sons?? I'm not old enough for that! We'll stick with brothers). Well, they grew up. Two of them came to visit us in California after graduating from high school (read about that here). Then all three of them went on missions.

Two are now home.

One got married on Saturday!

As we sat in the sealing room, I looked at him and thought about how just a few years ago (3?) he was sitting on my living room couch, talking to me about his future. Now he is married! Time sure flies...

Congrats, Bruce and Aldana! Here's to a fabulous married life...

Brandon, It's Your Birthday!

2009-11-20T08:58:00.002-07:00

33 years ago today, the most amazing person alive was born. How did I get so lucky?

I love you, Brandon!

EB's and Coddling

2009-11-19T10:29:00.003-07:00

After a candid conversation with Brandon last night (not myself, thank goodness), I came to the realization that what happened yesterday (and the day before) was another emotional breakdown. I have EB every 4 weeks or so, and they tend to coincide with Aunt Flo. The irony (except it is not ironic to any woman who has ever had a visit from Aunt Flo) is that I always forget about my EB's until I am almost past them. And then I realize Aunt Flo happens to be visiting (that awful, awful woman!) at the exact same time as my EB's. Or just before. Or just after. What I mentioned to Brandon, though, was that my EB this time was not as messy. It was really just a really weird blog post and some passing words that hurt my husband. [Okay, so the hurting words probably weren't non-messy. But he easily forgives me. Because he rocks.]
My EB's tend to be riddled with a lot of tears and dramatic sweeps of accuastions and resolves, so I was happy to see only the blog post and hurting words this time (note to self: forget the hurting words next time. For there will be a next time. In about a month!).

Thank you to all of you for your fabulous, fabulous advice. It made my day! There was no judging, only helpfulness, and that's what I like in a blog reader. And a friend. Thank you, friends!
-------------------------

I used to make fun of parents that would coddle their kids. You know, bail them out of stuff. Make excuses for their behavior. Buy them cars. That kind of thing. But after this morning, I think I get it.

See, last night, #1 had her 2 hour theater class. After a quick dinner, all the kids came to the church with hubby and I because he had Young Men's and I had my Relief Society Meeting (not to be confused with the previous Relief Society Home, Family, and Personal Enrichment). Luckily for us, there was a children's class going on in the nursery so we could both attend our aforementioned activities (not enrichments). #1 brought her homework with her to the theater class because she couldn't finish it due to theater class.
But she didn't finish it. The nursery environment was way too much fun! I didn't think too much of it --she could finish in the morning easily.
This morning proved not to be easy, and she didn't finish. She was crying her eyes out as she sat at the table, already past the time when she and #2 and #3 need to leave to walk to school to get there in time.
I wanted to give her the time to finish and to just drive her to school.
But I knew I couldn't do that. I needed to provide a very safe, yet important lesson.
I told her that she knew she needed to finish her homework last night, but she chose to play instead. I told her I was sorry it was hard and I knew it was frustrating, but next time she would need to remember this and choose differently.
She cried about how she would miss both recesses.
I told her I was sorry, but she still needed to get to school and if she missed a few recesses, she'd be okay.
She cried and cried and the kids left and I felt really bad.
I told Brandon that I wanted to let her finish and drive her, but I knew she needed to learn to manage her time better --even when it wasn't really her fault.
He agreed with me; tough lessons are sometimes needed.
And golly --it's not like we sent her to school naked or anything. This lesson was an easy and harmless one. A simple and natural consequence to a simple and natural dilemma.

But now I get it. I wanted to coddle and fix. I can see why that is so lucrative and tempting. I'm just glad I didn't do it...this time. I'm sure there will be times when stepping in is good and appropriate. I just hope I'll know the difference...

Conversations With Myself

2009-11-18T12:58:00.004-07:00

I lost five pounds!
But then I gained seven back last week.

I watched The Biggest Loser last night (hey, does anybody know why they didn't show Shay's up-to-date stuff last week and only Daniel's? Did she go off the deep-end or something?) and I realized something that I hate, hate, hate:
"Do it for you!"
I mean, yeah. In retrospect and now-a-days-spect, taking the time to take care of yourself is pretty good advice. We really should do nice things for ourselves like showering, eating, and wearing clothing that isn't made of palm fronds. But I think there may be a little too much going on with the "do it for you" crap that keeps circulating.

This morning, I thought "Wow, Alison Wonderland (who is seriously one of my favorite people and one of my heroes to boot) and I have started this exercise dealio so long ago, and I have exercised about 5 times. Total. I'm a failure!" and then I had this conversation with myself (because I often have conversations with myself, thank you very much):

Self: You need to take better care of yourself!
Me: How?
Self: You need to exercise every week-day morning.
Me: That's easy for you to say.
Self: What do you mean?
Me: I don't have TIME to exercise. I don't. Unless I want to force my husband to nurse the baby so I can go running 5 miles each morning (which would be awesome, to be honest...not the husband nursing the baby, but the running 5 miles!).
Self: Do it another time.
Me: When? Every moment of my day is swarming with little children and responsibilities that I can't even seem to keep caught up with --not to mention that when the kids are finally in bed all I want to do is crash and burn myself.
Self: Well, maybe exercise isn't working --but what about other things?
Me: Like what?
Self: Shopping for clothes that fit and aren't falling apart? You know, that you haven't shopped for yourself in about 2 years.
Me: Has it been 2 years? Really?
Self: Yes.
Me: But I don't have money for that. We have debt. I can't justify buying myself something pretty or nice while I worry about buying the kids shoes that fit.
Self: Then why do you keep doing fun stuff that costs money, you hypocrite!?
Me: Like what?
Self: Eating at Bombay House (your decision, remember?). Flying to San Francisco. Turning on the fireplace instead of wearing a sweater.
Me: Oh, yeah.
Self: Okay, well, if those things don't work, why don't you just shower every day? That would be a nice change.
Me: Don't I know it.
Self: Well?
Me: You're kidding, right? Showering everyday? Like the baby would let me. Or the 2 year-old.
Self: So, you're basically resigned to not take care of yourself? Is that it?
Me: No --I just don't see the point.
Self: What do you mean?
Me: Why does it matter? Where is the law written that one cannot possibly be happy if they don't exercise every day? Where does it say that if one doesn't shower each day, or buy new clothes every few months, or spend money, or do super-nice-chocolaty things for themselves on a regular basis that they will end up lonely and depressed? I'm tired of being told that I have to be all self-indulgent in order to make it through my life. Or my day.
Self: Yeah, well, you're just taking it the wrong way. It's not about being selfish. It's about taking care of yourself so you don't end up in a puddle of wallowing despair. Your kids need you to be happy.
Me: And why can't I be happy with B.O.? Hmmmm?
Self: Yeah. Uh...
Me: Touche. Point taken.
Self: I'm not saying you have to be completely selfish and ignore the kids and the house in order to get your mani/pedi that you can't afford --just do something for yourself every once in a while.
Me: Like showering?
Self: Like showering. But even more? Like exercising. Eating right.
Me: I know.
Self: Remember how it felt when you lost those 40 pounds in 2008?
Me: Yeah.
Self: Remember how it felt when you ran that 5K?
Me: Yeah.
Self: And how you were running 4 miles each day? And the weight training?
Me: Yes! I do! And whenever I watch The Biggest Loser all I can think about is how awesome it felt to do all that. But then I think about how I don't know how or when or where to start because I feel so overwhelmed with all I have to do. I'm feeling the crisis crushing down on me on every side and to be quite frank, the claustrophobia of it all is killing me.
Self: Well, you have a lot to worry about. Without making the list, your time is really scarce.
Me: Exactly.
Self: But you've got to figure it out. Maybe see it from a different point of view? Maybe start a new routine? Change expectations? Get some help?
Me: That's the rub. I have no idea where to start. It's that trapped feeling.
Self: I hear ya. Oh, how I hear ya.

So, dear reader, if you are not now completely freaked out about the fact that Cheryl does, in fact, talk to herself in such detail (hey, I may be happy, but I'm still crazy, right?!?), lay it on me. It's your turn for advice. I'm actually ASKING for it!

In the comments below, help me out:
1. Have you ever had to change your life's routine to accommodate a new way of living? (vague, I know)
2. How did you do it?
3. Where did you start?
4. What elements did you include and/or exclude?
5. What was your biggest support through it all?
6. And do you think it's okay to just let things go for a while until things get easier, or are you on the side that says you should seize the day now and make the changes while you can?

NINE. HUNDRED.

2009-11-17T11:14:00.002-07:00

That's right folks. This is my 900th post! That may seem like a lot, but for those who know me, that's probably just about right.

But what to do? How to celebrate this momentous occasion?

I could do a give-a-way. But I'm poor and my husband is out of work. Why torture myself?

I could do some kind of contest where the winner gets nothing, but what fun is that?

Maybe I could tell you 900 things about myself. But why torture you??

Ooh! I know. I'll just do a normal post. Yeah. That works.

I went to San Francisco with hubby and #5 over the weekend. Well, sort of. #5 and I went by ourselves because hubby was already there. It was quite the adventure! #5 was fabulous, of course, but this is how it went:

WHIRLWIND WEEKEND

-Car to shuttle to plane to shuttle to train to streets of San Francisco to Wharton School.

-Sushi and Karaoke; lots of fun with several students and their partners/spouses. Lots of beer and sake, but only happy drinkers (no mean ones!). So much oohing and ahhing over #5. He was the hit of the party!

-Very little sleep due to #5's desire to be up all night. Sigh.
-Breakfast with an awesome student-spouse at The Ferry Farmer's Market.
-Trip with hubby in borrowed car to Palo Alto for third round interview lunch --did not stay for interview; #5 and I walked around Palo Alto and shopped at Whole Foods to buy flowers to thank owner of borrowed car.
-Back to Wharton; class, and then dinner with awesome students and spouses at random Italian restaurant in San Francisco where I ate lots of goose liver.
-Stayed at student-friends house; fabulous hospitality (note to self: Don't forget the thank you card!!) and conversation.
-Amazing night's sleep! #5 only woke up once.
-Rushed, rushed, rushed to airport and barely made the flight.
-Thank you to Jessica S. for watching our kids! You are amazing, amazing, amazing.

Things Learned Over the Weekend:

*If we have to move back to the Bay Area, I will not be upset. Especially if Brandon gets this job in Palo Alto! It's a goody, dear reader. A goody. In fact, I have a feeling it would make my husband very, very happy. That means I will be very, very happy. And then the children will be very, very happy, thereby making the cat very, very happy. So much happiness!

*People have rolled their eyes and told us we are insane for having "so many" kids while we were so young. But I sat and talked with more than two couples (does that make three?) who have been trying for YEARS to have children --children they put off having until their late 30's (most for good reasons). Children they are now seeing fertility specialists for. #5 was the most loved little guy all weekend --from classmates, to airline security people; from random people on the street (so many stares and smiles!) to airplane passengers. I heard stories and saw tears from women who want to have children.
And not one person said I was insane for having five. Surprises? Yes. But no quips about "that crazy Mormon woman."

I may have to thank the Duggars for that.

*Traveling with babies (even awesome babies like #5) is still hard. Worth it? Yes. But still hard. Lots of things to think about and remember. Lots of things to worry about and watch out for.

*Preparing to go away for just a few days is almost worse than preparing to go away for a week or more. I was so stressed, and the weekend so hurried, that I think I need another vacation again! I had laundry and packing and meetings for work and SEP's (student-educator-parent conference) and callings and...and...lots o' stuff. It was just very exhausting.

*My Ferry-breakfast friend (non-LDS; yes, this is important to note) asked me how I could leave Provo, with all that Mormon support, and move to a place with very little Mormon support. I told her that it would be harder, but we could do it. And on the drive with Brandon to Palo Alto, I realized that I think that's my biggest fear about moving back: Being Alone. I like living in the Provo Bubble where nobody bats an eye when they see me with 5 kids. I like knowing that the soccer, theater, dance, and school functions will never be held on Sundays. I love the family support and community understanding of a religion that most people find weird (at the least) and cultish (and the worst). I like having close access to Temples, LDS bookstores, and a Costco that sells more diapers than wine. I really do. So, in all honesty? That is my biggest fear in moving back. Hatred, bigotry, and a string of inconveniences linked to my religion. And you know what? To confess the biggest confession of all? I was so glad --so very, very glad --that we moved out of CA just as Prop. 8 came about. I had so many friends that faced cruel threats and vandalism, and I was beyond relieved to be in Utah. So relieved. Is that dumb? Maybe. Maybe not. But it is what it is, and I'm just going to have to get over my fears. Missionary work? Hard, but worth it. Standing up for my beliefs? Hard, but worth it.

I seem to have a lot of "hard" ness in my life.

Worth it, though?
I'm thinking "Yes."

So, there you go! My 900th post. You may now congratulate me. Or something.

Banana Bread Epiphany

2009-11-11T22:07:00.003-07:00

Epiphany: a. A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something. b. A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization.

Trying to stop the whining about the grounding from video games, I announce, "Let's bake some banana bread!"
Bonding occurs. Measuring, math, questions, no whining.
Spilled sugar, spilled flour, spilled cinnamon.
Tempering my own impulses to be angry with clumsy 2 year old hands; he's two. The other is 5. He's only five.
Hearing the baby cry, hearing the laundry buzz, feeling the tantrum coming, trying not to sigh. Baby on hip, 2 year old crying, 5 year old whining. Bread baking. Husband networking. Beginning to wonder --again --why I signed up for all of this.

Receive Epiphany:

It's okay.
It's okay to have crying, whining, laundry, spilled sugar, busy husband, no time to accomplish anything.
It's really okay!

The calm comes, the smile returns. The crying, whining, busy-ness, and lack of time continues, but it's okay.
I did sign up for this.

And I love it.

Sad and Happy

2009-11-10T07:07:00.000-07:00

Sad and Serious News First:

Brandon's cousin's son was diagnosed with Acute lymphoblastic leukemia yesterday. He is three years old and his name is Brayden. He starts chemotherapy today. Could you please, please, please keep him in your prayers? Although this type of cancer has an 80-85% survival rate (hallelujah!), it is still a very difficult time for the family --as you can imagine.

Thank you!

----------------

Happy and Fun News Second:

My sister went to The Pioneer Woman's cookbook signing in Sugarhouse last week. Not only did she meet Ree and Ree's SIL Missy, but she got her picture taken (along with her friend) and it was shown on Ree's blog yesterday! HOLY COW! Here is the picture:

Here is the link if you want to see Ree's recap of her SLC book signing. And the picture again. My sister is famous! Well, sort of.

I'm so jealous. I would have loved to have been there! And to have met Ree! In my sister's defense (since I can't believe she didn't tell me she was going), she didn't know if I read The Pioneer Woman.

Obviously, she and I need to catch up a bit.

Family Rocks!

2009-11-09T10:14:00.007-07:00

I love my families, every one...

My parents:

Brandon's Parents:

My siblings (and their spouses!):

Brandon's sisters (and BIL!):

Tell me about your family. Do you have siblings? How many? In-laws? Sisters or brothers or both? Do you love them as much as I love mine? Even when it's hard to?