The Art And Secretions Of Stu Smith. Human Being. Artist.

A Vegan Against Animal Rights?

2009-06-24T12:43:00.005+01:00

Animal Rights.

I cringe a little when I hear that phrase. Here's why;

Welcome to the mind of the Bluey. A Bluey, by the way, is my name for a person who has taken the blissful "Blue Pill" of ignorance (see the film "The Matrix" 1999). It's actually surprisingly quite warm and cosy in here isn't it? Now, someone says the phrase "Animal Rights" but we do not hear that, what we sort of hear is "Equal Animal Rights" and what we picture are images of horses voting, ring-tailed lemur shoe shops, dog TV and cats with their own churches. Instantly these concepts are dismissed as silly and the people espousing them, sillier.

Also, and importantly, our Bluey thinks "This has no relevance to me and my life". On the surface, there is no positive consequence to embracing such a concept, no monetary benefit, no reward. In fact, if I think about the subject for long enough, to accept such a silly idea would mean negative consequence - no bacon sandwiches! Shudder. Out of the question. There may even be the start of hostility to you Animal Rights weirdos. How dare you deny me my 'right' to eat what I want?

Okay, I hope you can now get out of the Bluey mindset. I want you back for the next part.

So I say that this angle is not working where it counts. You see, rights will only ever be things granted or denied, discussed or rejected, between intelligent, contemplative sapient minds. One day maybe it will be Terminator T-1000 robots, Droids and Squiddies, but currently it's only us. Rights are merely the specifics, the details, the important parts and the trivialities of rules and laws that we create and can only understand among ourselves. Yes, there would certainly be an overwhelming tide of support amongst the Blueys if a few pigs got together, put on suits and ties, and took the human race to court over slavery issues. But that is not going to happen. Let's take a little Bluey advise and get real.

So I say, change tack, go for the throat, give Mr.and Mrs.Average Bluey something bigger to consider, something that effects them and their lives.

We're always quick to remind people that humans are animals too, but Blueys know that there is something special about "us" over "them". The trick that we have over most animals is that we have a wider scope of choice about which rules we follow (and which we ignore). We are not bound exclusively by the basic first rule of nature, we can build upon it and transcend it. Whatever rules we create, must be consistent across the board. They must have relevance and apply to animals and human animals alike. I've heard people say that "all men are equal". Equal rights for humans? But it is obvious to me that men and women (and hermaphrodites) are all different and difference should be celebrated, embraced and respected. We should be nurturing respect for difference, because that is something that we all want for ourselves and that is easy to argue for. Simply, to receive respect one must give it, that's what's in it for you, and when you open your eyes you will see that difference crosses species.

That, I submit, is the bigger fish. Not the semantics of individual rights of multiple and specific laws, but one law, logical, rational, simple, that applies to everything and in following, mutually benefits everyone. I would suggest something like;

Respect everything and everyone as best you can. Where respect is not reciprocated, survive using as minimal force as possible. Do as little harm as possible. Spread the word.

But I'm open to better more succinct ideas?

Stu

PS, I do have a lot of respect for Blueys, as I used to be one for twenty seven years.

The Virtues Of Pessimism

2009-06-16T14:26:00.004+01:00

The other day I found myself explaining, in general, my views on humanity and the world, and as the words were coming out of my mouth that little inner voice was telling me "Boy, what a pessimistic cynical bastard you've turned out to be!"I never used to be like this, I remember coming out of the cinema after watching Empire Strikes Back as a boy (which was interesting as I went in as a girl) thinking that the universe was our future and the amazing possibilities were infinite. Obviously I was so young that I didn't really understand what Empire was warning me about at the time, but that's another blog post for another blog far, far away. But I used to think that the world was a brilliant place to be and it was getting better and better with each breath.

Critically, around about the same time, I read "The Hitch-hikers Guide To The Galaxy" by the painfully missed Douglas Adams. I think that the importance of reading that book at the time I read it was that it gave me a healthy sense of the ridiculousness and utter pointlessness of the universe, and that stood me in good stead for the times ahead.

So, my point is this; Yes, the universe just is, there is no point to it except that which we choose to assign. This fact sounds pessimistic to the extreme when spoken out loud, but the good thing about it, is that it is at least the truth, and the truth is always better than a delusion. So I never feel negative, or depressing or suicidal when I speak the truth of the world because I feel that engaging with reality is liberating and positive. It's good to get these things established as a way of moving forward and that is way pessimism is a virtue. It precedes my optimism.

I spent a lovely sunny afternoon in the garden at the weekend with Mrs.Graviton and my two beautiful dogs and it reminded me of something from my childhood. At the end of Empire Strikes Back, if you recall, the very last shot is of Luke & Leia & the droids looking out to the beauty that is the universe but with a heavy sense of oppressive foreboding around the corner. Yeah, that just about sums me up right now.

I hope that makes you feel better?

Support The Troops

2009-03-18T13:11:00.003Z

Dearest Reader,

I want you to know that right now I'm crossing my fingers. I want you to believe me when I tell you that Yesterday I was a fool and that I'm sorry. I was more than a simple fool though, if I'm being honest, I was a sour damned twisted and deranged fucked-up-in-the-head spazmoid crazy person, and I'm so sorry for it. Before yesterday I used to have some really strange ideas and I used to think and do some really twisted things. I realise now that I was probably the only one in the world who thought like that and so I went to bed in UTTER DESPAIR.

But do you know what? I WOKE UP neo. Last night I had a MASSIVE REVELATION and last night I CHANGED!! Dearest blog reader, you've been with me all this way and I can only hope that you too will understand and even FORGIVE ME if it's still within your heart to do so. I may not even deserve your forgiveness, but let me tell you now that I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT. I have seen the light and it burns the TRUTH. The TRUTH I tell you.

I have seen the light and I now understand so many things - I can hardly type with these tears in my eyes - I now know that I am so very lucky. So very very very lucky to have been born in England. The finest country on the planet earth, bar none. I now know that there is a GOD and He is my God, and all the other gods (with little g's) don't even exist. And my God has BLESSED my beautiful country to be the absolute very best on the planet. My God and my Government are now EVERYTHING to me. I will give you my everything because I know that that is what you want and all I want to do is to unquestioningly OBEY you. I shall give you all my time and my money and even my life to serve you. It all makes perfect sense now.

All these disgusting filthy ANIMALS and FOREIGNERS who were not born in ENGLAND like what I was, who can't speak the QUEEN's ENGLISH like what I do, are OBVIOUSLY not blessed like what I is, so God obviously hates them and so it shall be my duty to make sure everyone is CRUSHED under the hammer of ENGLISH JUSTICE given to us by God Himself! If my wonderful, beautiful Government are going to pick fights with those evil RAG-HEADS wherever they are and for whatever reason my all-knowing Government tells me, it will not matter to me, I'm going to support that because they are just NOT English and so they should all be smashed into the filthy DIRT where they belong. The same will go for the stinking French, the Godless Swedes, the big-mouthed Americans, the wobble-headed Eskimos and those dirty little dwarven motherfuckers from the Isle Of Man. In fact anyone or anything that is not ENGLISH will be - should be - made to KISS OUR FEET or DIE.

As of tonight, I'm going to set to work on creating hundreds of glorious English children until I cannot squirt out any more perfection. And when the very youngest is old enough to hold a gun I'm going to LEAD the CHARGE, FLAG in hand, over the border to Wales or Scotland and I'm going to SLAUGHTER EVERYTHING while singing "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN". Nae! Nae I say, even before my infants can hold a gun I shall have them crawl across minefields to pave the way for the righteous English Government, and as my very own flesh and blood explodes into plumes of bloody GLORY I shall feel PROUD that I am making the world a BETTER PLACE through the divine gift of blind OBEDIENCE and SACRIFICE. Gosh, I'm filling up.

I'm going to bring FREEDOM and LIBERTY back to the ENGLISH who RIGHTFULLY rule the planet earth, by taking it from the rest of the SCUM of the Earth, and by declaring holy, righteous, bloody, tactical nuclear WAR on everything else! I'm going to LOVE MY GOD, PREACH DEMOCRACY, PAY MY TAXES and SUPPORT OUR TROOPS no matter what - NO MATTER WHAT (and so will you!)

I'm going to FORCE EVERYONE to wear the St.GEORGE CROSS and have pure English children tattooed with it on their foreheads at birth so we'll all know who deserves to be here on my sacred land and which are the dirty infiltrators. A watertight plan from a superior mind I think you'll agree.

Oh yeah, and I'm going to EAT STEAK again, pigs, horses, chickens, monkeys, polar bears, cows, dogs, cats, foreigners, insects, worms - FUCK BEING VEGAN, what was I thinking? I'm a MAN! A PERFECT HUMAN ENGLISH MAN. Superior to women (even the English ones) it doesn't get PURER than that! And to prove my chest-beating VIRILITY I shall daily suck out the blood from the open veins of my human and non-human ENEMIES! I shall suck the spunk right out of the balls of a kangaroo and the milk from the teats of rhinos. I am superior to everything because I am ENGLISH and I love my country and my God and my Government. So EVERYONE and EVERYTHING ELSE that isn't ENGLISH had better watch out!

And the old me would have allowed anyone to comment on the old me's insane ideas, but I'll tell you now, that if anyone criticises me now then they will be SMITTEN in FLAMES for not being PATRIOTIC. If you were lucky enough to be blessed by God and born in this, the best country in the world, and you think that what I say isn't THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH then you were born WRONG in the brainium and Jesus Hates you, and if you make Jesus cry, you make me cry, and when I dry my tears I'll make you CRY tears of blood from your anus for being so darned unpatriotic. How could you?

FUCK ME I was %?!CRAZY?!% before, (sorry, again about all that) thank the heavens above that I'm normal now.

p.s. Fuck the Jugglers.

Fuck The Jugglers (and the Troops)

2009-03-17T13:46:00.002Z

Dearest Reader,

Well, me and my big mouth have done it again, I've got myself into a spot of bother with my friends (again) and a heated debate has arisen. Sorry about that. It all started on my Facebook page, but the debate has got so interesting that I've decided to open it up to anyone and everyone, weather you're my friend or not.

Now, just as a bit of background, let me explain that this all started when I was sent yet another chain mail letter on my Facebook "Superwall". I hate them all, you know I do. I especially hate them when they literally dare me to delete them. Red rag to a bull. I'll print them off, wipe my arse with them first, burn the letter and piss on it to put it out, then delete the email, just for spite. So this viral chain letter posts starts by informing me that I'm "Seriously fucked up in the head" If I don't forward it to every one of my Facebook friends. So not only did I delete the shitty post, but I deleted the whole Superwall application and posted a comment publicly declaring the fact, just to get the message across that I object to having such insane propaganda circulated via my intellectually innocent Facebook friends. Ooh, that was tactful wasn't it?

Where I really hammered home my frustration is when I added ".. fuck the troops by the way." Silly me, but that's where all the controversy started. All participants here will be anonymous unless they want to declare their names on my blog. Also, I have immense respect and love for all concerned and secretly like having a good debate and disagreement as it beats being boring and talking about football or the weather.

My Facebook Comment:
That's it, Superwall deleted. One tooo many chain-letter hoaxes and far too many "support the troops" Bullshit Videos. Fuck the troops by the way.

Followed by loads of silly banter and jokes, then..

(My good old friend, hereby referred to as "J")

J:
I have probably never read such a pile of shit in my whole life!!! You all owe your freedom to the troops who put their lives at risk for you so you can go fuck yourselves.

ouch.

Me:
That's what they keep saying isn't it? "Support the troops" "bring democracy and government", "Obey the law", "Pay your taxes". But you've got to question what they tell you to think.

If we didn't go interfering in other countries businesses in the first place (thank you once again dearest government, for that) then we wouldn't have to invent enemies (war on terrorism, war on drugs etc.) and then send our admittedly brave yet ultimately lied-to sons & daughters to go get themselves blown up and shot at. It's definitely a sad thing, but I can't support stupidity no matter how well-intentioned.

Everyone's chasing their tails while the politicians are busy inventing enemies and taking back-handers. Those schiesters in every town hall and in parliament are the real enemy and it's time we all woke up and said so.

Right. Pile of shit over with, off to fuck myself right now (the best part!)

(and it was)

Then a link to this video (posted on my blog previously - the original curiously removed by youtube?)

J:
What a pathetic response!!

Then, on J's personal Facebook page, the debate is continued...

J:
People who say F@&% the troops should shut the F@&% up!!

Look out, I've just riled someone who's as opinionated and passionate as myself!

J:
No I just enjoy the luxury of free speech which i would not be able to do if the pricks who say f@&% the troops had their way!! They obviously think that people defending their freedom are stupid and deplorable. Well I say thanks to those brave men and women for allowing me to have a good life and putting theirs at risk for that reason.I dont agree with the wars we are involved at the minute but could never direct my hatred at the people doing their best in dangerous situations, save it for those who really deserve it. Some people have very short memories and should maybe take a good look at their countries history before having their self indulgent rants!!

Well someone on that page wondered what bastard had made J so angry and I had to admit that it was me and my big mouth. Seems only fair to be honest. I am rather naughty aren't I? And it's at this point that I feel J's friends, my friends, enemies and strangers should be invited into what I think should be a popular and public debate that everyone around the world should be having. Not just me and my selected chums.

So, in response to the above, I shall continue..

>"I just enjoy the luxury of free speech"

So do I, and I'm glad you said that I "should" shut the fuck up and not "will be silenced". You're right, we certainly have more freedoms than others, but the curve is pointing downwards, our freedoms are slowly being eroded, true freedom of speech or personal liberty are slowly being snuffed out in the UK. Those servicemen and women - our ancestors - who were conscripted and therefore have an excuse - would turn in their trenches if they found out that today you can't smoke in a bar or a restaurant even if the owner says you can. Or that you can't peaceably protest on 'public' land inside an exclusion zone (yes, an exclusion zone!) set up around parliament. This stupid pseudo-war on terrorism (and drugs and the rest) means that I can't get on a fucking aircraft without getting my shoes checked and my sun cream confiscated. I am not free to set up my own airline or bank that will circumvent this stupid, evil, freedom-eating government. While I still can, I wont stay silent, because it wont be that long before people like me are silenced, jailed or shot as conscientious objectors. Again. The worse that will happen if I'm wrong is I'll just look like a prat, (I've lived with that stigma all my life) but if I'm right..?

>"which i would not be able to do if the pricks who say f@&% the troops had their way!!"

This prick said "Fuck The Troops", and if I had my way we'd all be so free that troops wouldn't hardly be needed and if they were, people would voluntarily fight or pay for them themselves. If you were given a choice to pay £1200 per annum per head (guestimated) to pay your 'share' to 'support the troops' in this war, would you? Obviously I would not, so that estimate has just gone up to cover the cost, so £2,000? £5,000? £100,000? How much do you support your government now? No, it's much better if that money is just forcibly taken off us all and we all are taught to like it and support it. And when some fucknut with a suitcase nuke finally has enough of being pushed around and blows the shit out of everything because our government and its minions have been stirring it all these years with the unquestioned support of the British/American people then we shall just have to strengthen our resolve and try harder shan't we? -- but yes, that's only the current war in Iraq isn't it, this is different. More later.

>"They obviously think that people defending their freedom are stupid and deplorable."

Oh absolutely not. I don't want to mislead anyone here. Defending freedom and liberty is a high honour indeed. I will always support that. The troops, however, are not doing that, yes, they think they are, but they are not. They are mindlessly, unquestioningly fighting on the side of the bullies and kicking the shit about for them. It will end in more tears, and that is stupid and deplorable.

>"I dont agree with the wars we are involved at the minute"

Well that is an interesting paradox then? Strange this, because I know someone else who says the same, yet he applauds his son's decision to join the army and risk his life for just a war he doesn't agree with either? I genuinely do not understand this contradiction in logic? I know we're all forced to pay for this wonderful war with Iraq and terrorism and drugs, but gleefully handing over your money to your mugger then enthusiastically sending your children to do the evil whims of the same thug then attacking anyone who calls the muggers an evil cocksucker and their minions stupid for following them (thus: fuck 'em) is a bucking fonkers to me? I know if I had a child who I loved and wanted to protect from harm I would do everything in my power to persuade them not to be so stupid and start fights that didn't make sense under a chain of command that has a bunch of religious cuckoo's at the top of it with only their business self-interests and re-election as their only objectives.

>"but could never direct my hatred at the people doing their best in dangerous situations"

Well, I don't 'hate' the troops, I didn't say I 'hate' the troops, I said "Fuck The Troops", slightly different. I hate the government - all governments - I've said that a lot (and, by the way, fuck the government too) but I don't hate these poor misguided automatons. Fuck jugglers. Jugglers are impressive and clever, no doubt, but they don't actually do anything for me. They might think they are entertaining me, but they are not, so fuck jugglers. At least I'm not forced to pay for a juggler's equipment, training, venue and the cleaners to clean up after the messy spandexed bastards, so I suppose a juggler is a little better than a soldier in that department, but fuck 'em anyway. No, simply I've given up trying to talk sense to people who let others do their thinking. "Ve ver only obeying ze orderz". So fuck em, there are bigger fish to fry.

>"Some people have very short memories and should maybe take a good look at their countries history before having their self indulgent rants!!"

Ooh, we forgot this quote:
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." ~ George Santayana

Ah, now I know where this discussion begins (I've had it before you know!) - correct me if I'm wrong, but - Hitler! My old vegetarian, atheist, state-loving, Jew-hating pal (I don't think it's actually true about the atheism and the vegetarianism thing by the way?). The discussion goes like this; "Our brave boys went to war to fight against his evil forces to defend freedom, and if our ancestors didn't do that then we'd all be speaking German!" right? Yes, that part is right, but that's the ending part of the story, that part, surprisingly, I acknowledge as true! I agree!

When one is attacked by a vicious tiger you must defend yourself, kill it even, if it will stop the attack then that's what you have to do to defend yourself (and this advice from a vegan no less!). But what if you've been poking that tiger from a young age with a sharp stick? What if you've been torturing it all its life? Would you blame it for turning on you?

Genocidal psychopathic maniacle munchkins are attracted to power, but a genocidal psychopathic maniacle munchkin like Hitler doesn't get a look in to power unless there's something completely and absolutely fucked up in the first place. My memory only goes back to what I had for breakfast this morning, but my education tells me that the otherwise noble people of the land called Germany were, after being defeated and blamed for a war they didn't start (WW1 - blame the Austrians), were forced to pay for all of it and were being effectively socially tortured and arse-raped by the rest of the world who had waded in at the eleventh hour to deliver a sound (and easy?) spanking when they just didn't have to. Shame on Britain and America and a tonne of others for that. When you're dying of starvation and a loaf of bread costs a week's wages there's something seriously fucked up going on...[sniff, sniff], I smell the stench of governments again? As usual.

Now, I don't know about you, but when something really awful and torturous is happening like having my nasal hairs pulled out or being arse-raped, I'll do anything, say anything or even listen to anyone who can promise it will stop. Especially someone who says that not only will they stop it, but they will make it all better again. I'll be fed cake and booze and have lots of lovely naked women to do it for me. Well, that's not exactly what Hitler said to the Germans in 1941, but you get my gist? Ah, so what if he's got a bit of a mad look in his eye? So what if he's going to kill a handful of Jews somewhere? Hey, you can't make an omelette without gassing a few Jews now can you? So the German people (understandably?) said, "No, that's fine, that's okay, we'll overlook the hairdo, the tash and the crazy intentions, we'll vote for you, we'll do whatever you say, just stop the torture". And so the tiger turned, WW2 began, millions more people died, no one learned any lessons and years later we're still poking tigers.

So stop poking tigers, really, stop it.

Reject governments, you don't need them.

Fuck the troops.

And the Jugglers.

What if "god" disappeared?

2009-03-04T10:15:00.003Z

Praise be that he really, really, really does exist and isn't going anywhere! Wherever would we get our morals from?

(can you tell we're being sarcastic?)

Now, all we need is a "What if government disappeared?" video to hammer home the point.

A Big Dose Of Truth In Metal Form

2009-03-02T12:49:00.003Z

Hello readers (yes, that's readers, plural, I have confirmed three of them by now!)

Here's a great video of probably the only politician on the planet that I wouldn't want to bitch-slap. Yes, it's from an American perspective I know, but there's lessons to be learned by us all.

I'm not in agreement about the Christianity teaches peace drivel. Christianity (like all religions) teaches ignorance (and government thrives on that). But other than that and the Obama stuff (yes, bitch-slap him) I think you should watch it.

Great animation and great METAL soundtrack!!!

Two More Heroes

2009-01-19T19:28:00.004Z

Look at me, I'm on blogging fire! (three posts in one day!?!)

But, those last two Bill Hicks skits made me think about other heroes of mine and other portions of often-referred-to-by-me-content.

As a vegan, I often get a response in a debate that goes something like "But Stu, it's my choice to eat meat, you've got to respect that" (and I do, sort of) but feel compelled to point out that there are three entities involved here, me you and the once sentient creature on the dinner plate.

Here's a living hero of mine, Richard Dawkins making an interesting few points before introducing my other sadly missed hero, Douglas Adams shine an irony on my above point as only the DA can.

Sorry about the Korean subtitles (if you can't read Korean).

As always, I welcome debate xx.

Your Kids (Really Aren't) Special

2009-01-19T18:54:00.003Z

After that last post I felt I ought to refer to the other thing Bill Hicks and I agree on. I'm getting a grey gym sock and watching this again.

Play From Your Fucking Heart

2009-01-19T18:49:00.005Z

I often find myself referring to the comedic legend that was Bill Hicks (among others) and today a particular routine of his came up in conversation regarding what kind of music I felt was good or not. So here, dearest reader (and Jeff), is what Bill and I feel...

Sadly missed.

Find Out What They're Selling Then Buy Me One

2009-01-08T12:25:00.004Z

Hey Reader,

(I'm getting a bit more regular at this blogging lark now aren't I?)

Now, can anyone tell me what this advert is selling and where can I get one of those fembots at the end?

An Atheist Meets The Invisible Pink Unicorn

2008-12-29T20:29:00.002Z

He he, I spotted this on youtube and thought I'd share it with my reader.

Taylor Tiktaalik (Your Inner Fish)

2008-12-18T10:36:00.004Z

You know, dear reader (or shall I just simply call you by name oh mysterious Taylor?),

I feel like I've been neglecting you recently, and, although I'm still too busy to shave my own arse these days (is the Pink Baboon look still trendy with the kids?) I've still been able to post videos I've happened upon on my Facefuck page.

So now, I figure, if I can be bothered to do that, I should be bothered to at least add a vid to my very own blog. So here goes..

-----------------------------

Found via richarddawkins.net, a nice song that I intend to sing to the Jehova's Witnesses next time they come knocking at my door.

XX

News! (As if you care)

2008-09-21T19:30:00.004+01:00

Well dearest avid blog reader,

I have a little bit of news, I thought I'd tell you, whoever you are.

EDIT:

I started writing this..

"Firstly, to business, finally, I've opened an online shop at Redbubble.com where I've made available some of my designs as T-Shirts! I'm really excited about it ---"

Ah look at how child-like and innocent I was, sigh. Well, since I signed up with Redbubble I sold quite a few shirts and was beginning to think that fat-cattery was pending, my pen was hovvering over the purchase order for the new Lamborghini and a fresh tea bag, but alas, all was to crumble around me again like biscuity dominoes.

Put simply, I bought two shirts, it took 26 days to arrive, they were shit, I quit my account. To any of the good people out there who did buy any of my designs in good faith (and you're reading this) then send me a picture of the shirt you bought and I'll do something to compensate you as I feel really let down by it all.

Anyway, on to the rest of the blog, normal service is resumed.

/END OF EDIT

Secondly, is news, but it's news I can't tell you about, but I can tell you that last week I accepted two really exciting gigs in the film industry. I've signed Non-Disclosure Contracts on them both so although I'm bursting to announce to the world what I'm up to, I can't. I can assure you that I'm typically up to no good and that, in my book at least, is a good thing. So, remember I told you that I was up to something and later on, if you can be bothered to check in on your old pal's blog, I'll tell you what it is when I'm legally able to.

Um.. that's about it for now, can't think I've got anything else to tell you except maybe my ankle hurts from playing football and being a fat bastard (and that's a vegan fat bastard by the way). I'll let you know how that clears up if you don't hear it before on News At Ten or CNN or something.

Kisses, you beautiful fruitcake, you.

XX

Stu

New Pilot Show Based On "The F Word".

2008-07-30T14:21:00.005+01:00

Yeah, Hi,

So last night I watched Gordon Ramsay's "The F Word" (on the UK's Channel 4) which, if you didn't know or have never seen it before involves opposing groups of people or celebrities who are trained to cook a meal for a group of selected diners who are invited to eat the food and then vote on which group did the best job. Not really my sort of program, but I can see why that would be a popular format.

Last night's episode was very interesting to me as the selected group of diners were all "vegetarians" (notice the quotes). The idea was not to do a vegetarian or even a vegan menu but it had the purpose of feeding animal flesh to these so-called veggies to show them what they have been missing all this time. As I predicted at the start, the result was a resounding success for the lumpy-faced bell end and his gittish celebrity arse clowns. And oh how those vegetarian folk saw the error of their ways and voted resoundingly for the wonderful dishes so lovingly prepared for them. It was a win, win,win, win for everyone concerned! Hoorah!

One "Vegetarian" upon eating veal and being asked if he enjoyed it replied "Would it be wrong of me to say it was lovely?" Ho ho. You twat. You complete scab.

Just so you understand my position on this, I got to thinking about shooting a pilot show of my own based on the same format.

No, hear me out on this....

We start with a really passionate presenter - I'm thinking of someone with real television presence and showmanship, someone like Gary Glitter or maybe Johnathon King - and we get a couple of groups of people, one group say ordinary people (politicians, priests etc.) and the other lot a load of grinning celebrities, but nobody cabable of critical thinking who'd spoil it all. We take them to our purpose built studio done out like a giant extravagant knocking shop and invite them on a very special 'fucking-buffet' to sample the many and varied delights of the flesh.

Here's the Menu:

Appetizer: Stillborn Baby gently warmed and basted in KY jelly.
Starter: Thai sex slave - an oral delight!
Main: Ladyboy Sandwich with sluttish dressing.
Dessert: Two-Toddler Topless hand relief.

There'd be interviews:

"When was the last time you had a kiddie fiddle, sir?"

"Oh it was years ago, when I was a kiddie, but now I really do see what I've been missing all these years. I'm such a stupid moron to have denied myself all this time. I really blew both barrels when I got that sloppy yawn from that 10 year old. Thank you for making me feel normal and accepted by the masses again ~ Excellent work!".

Everyone would vote in favour of the evening's excellent success and they'd all smile and laugh in front of the camera while some continued to fuck on into the credits to the tune of Sheryl Crow's "If It Makes You Happy".

Hey, whadda ya think eh kids? Are we missing a point here somewhere?

Stu Smith.

P.S. Gordon Ramsay, you're a fucking scatmuncher.

Vantage Point Artwork - V2

2008-04-02T21:37:00.004+01:00

Dear you,

Just a quickie today, dearest reader. Remember that album cover I did a few blogs back? The red firey one with skulls and hellish visions for Vantage Point the Metal band from Edinborough? No? Oh well, anyway, it got rejected, that's fine, part of the job I suppose, so we tried a new tack instead and after ages of tweaking, faffing and fiddling it's finally finished. Here, go on, have a gander..

You like? You like? Do tell.

Stuey

Let's Play: "Who's The Fucking Idiot?" !

2008-03-19T14:59:00.006Z

Dearest, fondest reader,

Yesterday I was driving my car and I decided to actually interact with the world for the first time in ages by switching on the radio. Radio2 seemed to be the one with the least amount of shitty recycled crap music and some actual 'talk' on it that wasn't related to the latest sports doldrums. The debate at the time I switched it on was related to, and I am starting to laugh here because surely it couldn't be true? The debate was around the issue of rating movies with smoking in it as 18 certificate. No, honest, everyone had a straight tone to their voice and no one let on that this was a joke. In fact, brilliantly, it seemed that the majority of callers were actually saying this was a good thing, and even going further to say that smoking should be banned entirely! Ha ha, you guys. We Brits still have a refined sense of humour don't we? Quality stuff..ho ho.

What's that you say? Surely not? It's NOT a fucking JOKE!?!? Have we all gone sphincter-sniffing mental?

Now, bear in mind when I tell you this, that I have never ever smoked anything in my life. Don't want to, probably never will. Despite this, if you want to smoke that's just peachy with me, however you'll have to do without my good company if you do. I'm certain you're gutted. But it's a simple system that works just fine without anyone interferring with it. I stood alone as a non-smoker who was against the government dictatorship of the UK dictating who pub owners should allow into their businesses. A fucking insult to freedoms that everyone I know seems quite happy about. But I digress...

I wanted to play a little game I've just invented called "Who's The Fucking Idiot?". I'll tell you an imaginary story then ask you some questions at the end and you have to decide "Who's The Fucking Idiot?". Cue music..

A young man decides that life is too much to bear and kills himself by swigging a litre of extra strength household bleach. Oooh, painful! His (understandably) distraught family learn that lemon juice or vinegar can be just as effective at cleaning around the kitchen and that they need not have had bleach lying around the house in the first place. If their son had swigged lemon juice or vinegar then the only mess they'd have to have cleaned up was about a gallon of puke rather than twelve stone of cadaver. So, to cope with their grief, they start a campaign to ban the sale of bleach (especially the extra strong stuff) and approach newspapers and media companies who'll tell their terrible story. The media dutifully oblige with a furrowed brow, sympathetic ear and morose tone and the message gets heard. An ambitious politician decides that here's a subject with an emotional vote-winning angle, and before you can say "band wagon" he's out there lobbying government to "do something about it". Years pass, but eventually the government (spit) pass a law that effectively bans all corrosive chemicals in domestic households or non-licensed businesses. The general public accept this ruling and clean their homes with vinegar and lemon juice and learn to shit down the pan without touching the sides.

Now, "Who's The Fucking Idiot(s)?", is it..

The young man that drank the bleach?
The family for calling for a ban on bleach?
The media for reporting it in all seriousness?
The politician for actually making it a governmental issue?
The government for, well, they're the government aren't they?

Or is it option 6, ALL OF THE ABOVE.

If I want to drink bleach that's my shitty party, alright? Not yours or theirs, or whoever's, it's MINE. If I'm stupid enough to smoke then that is my tough shit. Mind your own business.

It's really, really, really simple, and it just can't be hard to understand, so please, leave alone, we all ought to be responsible for ourselves.

Now some of you will have been saying all along "Yes, but when something I do to myself effects other people (such as passive smoking) then we have a problem don't we eh? Mr.Smith?" Well, yes, I agree, we do, but I shall save that issue for another blog.

Needless to say I switched the radio off as the anger I was feeling was getting ventless. Instead I just drove along biting into my steering wheel.

The Filthiest Word Of All

2008-03-12T23:07:00.005Z

Dearest Reader,

I'll tell you what, I'm sat here late with my music on full, large glass of V&O on my desk to the left, Mrs.Graviton out saving the universe, and I'm feeling quite good about myself for a change. I kind of promised myself that when I was next in a positive frame of mind I was going to tell you about something I feel really passionately about, but if you read previous posts you'll realise that Mrs.Graviton and family don't really like my flowery language when I get passionate about things, so I may have to try really hard to behave myself.

And all this centres around the one of the filthiest words in the human language. It begins with a "V".

No, it's not vagina, vulva, vadge or ..er..vinegar strokes, it even worse than that, I'm justy going to get this part over with right now. Vegetarian. Vegan. I'm a filthy-mouthed jizzflap I know, but now? Surely this is too much? My point is that Mr.Average Joe has already stopped reading now I've said that, and I blame the fucking hippy titwanks that have hijacked the terminology and attached all the baggage that usually goes along with it.

So, I formally disassociate myself with the tree-hugging, the paint-throwing, the vibrations, the animal-rights, the spirituality bollocks, the religiosity, the teary-eyed wimpyness of it all and get to the actual point.

The actual point of being a vegetarian or a vegan should be a moral one. There's certainly all kinds of other arguments as to why you shouldn't eat/torture/abuse animals and to why it's good to eat a non animal based diet, but the real issue is a moral one. See?

Putting it as succinctly as I can, if you are an omnivore, ask yourself this; If you enjoy your animal products and don't think there's a moral problem with violating other sentient creatures to satisfy your desire for them, on what moral grounds have you got to to tell a rapist not to rape, or a burglar not to steal, or a cannibal not to chew your ears off?

I say none, and so in the interests of consistency I try the very best I can not to contribute to the torture and slavery of our animal friends. It's actually speciesism, a word that I never hear and that's wrong in itself!

I suppose if you've read this far then I'll thank you, but the chances are you're already a filthy vegan or vegetarian too and so I've been preaching to the choir. If not then hey, nice one! I hope you're in the gang or are so angry that you'd like to debate me on this? Honestly, I'd love that to happen, go on, respond to me and let's have a mass debate! (pun intended). I do love a debate and can be quite civilised and respectful, but in this case I may have to use the V word!

I Tank (Thank) Yaw

2008-02-28T21:51:00.006Z

Dearest, fondliest Reader,

Hey, have a gander at this kids. See my Clowns Page? See "I Thank Yaw"? Oh you lazy sod, here..

Well my local chum Steve, is having his bike fender and tank airbrushed with my artwork on it! I'm dead chuffed, and the girl who's doing it is doing a fantastic job taking my work and adding her own slant to it. Dig the flaming hair and fire pattern on his romper suit.

Also dig the glitter spray and the glossy finish. Nice bins too!

**************************

Hey look at me, two blogs in one day, thing's are looking up!

**************************

Stubles

My Learned Friends - An Apology

2008-02-28T20:50:00.005Z

Dearest, beloved reader,

You haven't noticed that I haven't posted a blog for over a week. I know you haven't noticed, no one reads this shit anyway, and I can talk to you oh invisible pal, you're spesh, you're diff. So I haven't been blogging and there's good reason for this, believe it or not I've actually been busy! I know, I'm sure it'll wear off, but this last week was especially mental juggling four or five jobs at once. I'll save what I've done for other posts, but I'll get to why this blog is an apology straight away (because I can tell you're eager to know!).

So, apart from you, dearest reader, the only other people who have read this meandering offle have been the close friends and family who I've sent a link to to say, 'Hey, look at me I'm a blogger now!'. Unfortunately the response has been quite negative, even hostile! You see it's the swearing (of all things!) that my inner circle objects to. I do swear a lot in real life, but let's not get me wrong, I'm not the kind of lumbering oaf that shouts abuse at pigeons in the park, I've moved on, I've since forgiven the pigeons for their cheeky tomfoolery. No, these days I'm really quite the gentleman. No, honest I am.

But it's been said that I do come across as a bit (I think they were sugar-coating this critique somewhat) "opinionated and aggressive"? Also, other folk have said that this whole website of mine, www.gravitoncreations.com is supposed to be a showcase for me to generate business and expose my portfolio, therefore foul-mouthed diatribes don't go down too well with prospective buyers. Ok, point taken, and here is my apology to all those people who may have been offended by my choice of verbiage and to all those people who declined to make contact with me on this basis.

Sorry.

Really, I do mean it, sorry.*

But here's the thing kids - and I've thought about this long and good - I don't think that I'm in the business any more of selling 'just' my artwork, I am part of my artwork and I come with the package. The truth is, these are the things I think and they are written in the way I think them and say them to the people who know and love me. If you ever meet me and I happen to swear in your presence - be flattered! I'll have done so because I've assessed you and I now have trusted you to the point where I can be more myself in front of you.

Maybe my mistake is in trusting you (not you, dear reader, but 'you', the world) before taking the time to get to know you. Unfortunately I don't have long to get to know you all in general si I am going to trust you and be myself in front of you. So this blog is me, warts and all.

And so if you're a fan or a prospective buyer and you read this blog and something I say offends you to the point that you go away, well I'm sorry. Sorry for you, we could have been friends if you weren't so quick to dismiss me. But I genuinely do hope that from here on in this blog will filter out those folk that do not understand me and let in those that do because I prefer to work with friends rather than clients.

Lastly, it has to be mentioned, that the front page of my website contains a 'Parental Advisory' warning and it's also obvious that I'm a supporter of free speech, plus this blog has been classified (by me) as 'adult content', so there should be no excuse for someone being surprised or offended at this point should there? And, ahem, this is the internet in case you haven't noticed? Quite frankly if anyone has read this twaddle this far who could possibly be feeling at ease by now is a fucking jizz headed arse clown.

Forever your pal,

Stubles

* I don't really. Fingers crossed.

The Skulls Of Doctor Death (And Other News)

2008-02-18T11:12:00.003Z

Dearest Reader,

Monday morning. Today's blog is going to be short and sweet with little or no preachiness involved, so skip this to the juicy parts later on where I will almost certainly be spitting at my keyboard and putting the world to rights.

Got a busy week ahead, starting today with an album cover I'm working on for Vantage Point (that link doesn't seem to work though today?) It'll be the second version I'll be working on as the first version looks a little too 'death metal' for their tastes. Point taken actually, sorry about that!
It's the skulls isn't it? Must remember to stop doing skulls!

Anyway, there's that for this week and then tomorrow I'm off to meet Mike Lehan to do storyboards for his second documentary for the History Channel. His last documentary will be aired on the History Channel in August this year entitled "Crimes That Shook Britain: Shipman" and fuck me, I get a credit at the end as storyboard artist. Fame at last! Bafta's, Oscar's, Grammy's!

So you can be sure I'll let you know how that goes right here, dearest reader, in my very own and regularly updated blog.

Kisses,

Stu

Watertight Rules For Living With Others.

2008-02-16T13:36:00.012Z

Dearest Reader,

As you can tell, I get pissed off with a lot shit that happens in the world and I think that there are several reasons for why this is. Definitely one of them is my age, but the other is that I just get so desperately disappointed with the way humanity fails to live up to its potential.

At our best, we do amazing things that can bring a tear to your eye. We have a passion to explore and to understand and it drives us to fantastical heights. We can be supremely loving, kind and benevolent and when we are, our altruism pays off dividends and life seems to move that bit closer to being one of those ultimate peaceful civilisations that we only see on Star Trek.

But you don't need me to make you a list of examples that show how regularly shitty we can be to each other on a one-to-one basis and worse; as a collective group of thoroughly evil fucktards. Group any number of humans together and IQ's go down as the numbers increase. Call them, 'us' and instantly we have an enemy, 'them'. Give a group a name, The Reds, The Blues, The Brits, The Yanks, The East, The West, The Little People With Ginger Pubes, The Big One-Armed Cyclists With A Penchant For Grilled Cheese Toasties, etc. etc. We've heard them all before. Yes, as soon as we feel we're a part of a group we're eager to start taunting, arguing, punching, kicking, stabbing, shooting, stealing, raping, torturing, murdering, obliterating, warring, nuking the fuck out of each other at the drop of a hat. It's wrong. Stop it.

I'm almost sure that if we ask most people if the aim of humanity is to live in peace and advance beyond imagination, maybe explore the stars and galaxies while we're at it, then they would agree that this is a good goal to set ourselves. Now, ask yourself, dear reader, what do you do as a human being to advance our species? I think that speaking truth is a good start. And the 'Truths' that I speak of are open to debate and change according to the scientific method and logical reasoning. I'm not going to preach the ways and Truths of BimBam The Space Clown (see previous blogs) and then stick my fingers in my ears and go "la la la, not fucking listening" when anyone 'dares' to critique me -that would make me a fuckwit wouldn't it?

So, for your delight and delectation, here's what I think I've found so far, and it seems to be pretty watertight.

You are an individual, responsible for yourself, responsible for your own actions.
Other people, animals and things also exist like you do, they had no choice in their existence and should be respected, .
As best you can, DO NO HARM. To anyone or anything.
If you find yourself being offended against at the hands, fangs or paws of another, it's ok to defend yourself with reasonable force.
Brush your teeth regularly with a non-fluoride toothpaste if you can find one (I use Euthymol).
Don't waft your farts. It's really rude.

So that's it folks. Try it for a while and see how you get on. Let me know.

My Baby Photo

2008-02-14T11:03:00.004Z

Dearest Reader,

Today I found an old baby photo from my childhood and thought that, to compliment my previous posts, I ought to show it so that the faithful know who they're dealing with.

Kisses xxx

Stuey

'Proof' Of BimBam The Space Clown?

2008-02-13T14:31:00.004Z

Dearest Reader,

Well I'm sorry to thrash this out, but just as an addition to yesterday's rant about Doreen's Watchtower magazine, I did begin reading it (a promise is a promise) and now I believe in God! Nah, do I fuck, I'm just messing with you there. Sorry about that. No, I just wanted to make comments on the first few pages which is as far as I can stomach.

"Does God Really Care About Us?" is the question on the cover and already I object to the presupposition that there is a God in the first place that would care or not care about us. It then goes on to state "If so, why does he permit suffering? Will it ever end?" again, it's a cop out to assume that there is a God allowing or creating, caring or uncaring about the natural shittyness that is inherent in life. If we can PLEASE get over this issue first then, yeah, let's discuss what the great bearded one is fucking about at with all these wars and shite!

As if to answer my query, page four asks "How Can We Know There Is A God?" smear me in spit and lick me dry! It's as if I wrote that question isn't it? (I didn't in case you thought I was serious). Ready for this? Yes, it's the old, tired, argument from design again. It goes like this...

"See that watch? Fucking complicated isn't it? It can't have just assembled itself can it? It must have had a creator? Man! (sorry women watchmakers out there) See the Universe? Now that is fucking amazing isn't it? (Yes, we all agree there) Aha! Well someone really, really, really, fucking clever must have created it! (if the bit about the watch is true) So there! We got you! You have to believe in God now you twat!"

Er, well kids, where shall we start? Let's get the obvious one out of the way first. Let's say that we assume that nothing complicated can just be created by accident or chance, or that nothing that is can simply be unless someone or something consciously created it with intent. Read that last sentence again, we'll be coming back to it - maybe there'll be a test? Let's play along for a while then and ask the obvious next question which is; If this is so, who or what created God? What's that? That 'logic' that you used is not good logic any more? God is the originator? Nothing came before him? He is the prime mover? You sound like you're full of shit to me. Here's the rules, now the rules don't suit me, I shall now change the rules? Please, religious people, fuck off with this argument now, it's getting old, move on, try again with something better eh?

Back to the issue of everything that is complicated has to have been created. Well, let's not cloud the issue here with unnecessary verbiage, everything is complicated when you look closely enough, so let's just say 'everything' in the first place and not be unfair to the bland objects out there like rocks and religious people.

Speaking of rocks, what 'created' a rock when we see, for example, a volcano spew it's lava into the sea? The Volcano created that rock, that plateau, that landmass, those islands. Is it intelligent? Did it create them with intent? Should I be worshipping Volcano Gods? Maybe I should be slitting a virgin's neck to the Great And Holy Puddle Gods? What? It doesn't work like that?

Aah, ok, I see, the Volcano is just a tool! God creates the tool, and the tool creates the stuff. There's a chain, ok, I see. So, just like man creates some cogs and a tiny little spanner, he can make a watch. The cogs and spanner are just tools like the Volcano? Ah, well in that case then forget all that scathing stuff I wrote above, I'm obviously a fuckwitted spatula for not getting that part! But wait, no, hang on a sec, see this finger? It's pointing to a man, a little old fella with half-round glasses on and he's actually holding the cogs and spanner and, yes, wait a second, I'm pretty certain he's a fucking watchmaker? Let me do a test first before I call you a cunt? Yes, he is definitely there, definitely able to make watches. Where's your God with his foot on the Volcono pump? There's not one. You're a cunt. Yes, very fucking droll and stupid, but you lot fucking started it.

Lastly, and I'm sorry to be finicky again, but it is a pretty important issue to be clear on if I'm expected to spend the rest of my life worshipping this creator of yours, but exactly which God actually did all this creating? Just to be sure, how do you know it wasn't Zeus or Appolo again? How would you test that that it wasn't BimBam The Space Clown? I've heard he's done this sort of thing before? Shall I throw in a honourary mention to the Flying Spaghetti Monster too?

So, so far, poor start. You obviously see the importance of 'proving' your God and as I've just explained, you've not actually done it with any satisfaction yet. I know this doesn't actually matter to you people because you have a magical off switch for your brains that you can just flick when the going gets tough in the rationality stakes. I actually fear that when I continue to read this Watchtower magazine beyond these first few pages you will have felt that you've done enough 'proving' and go on (like they all do) to blah-de-blahing about the Bible and all the crap in that and still hold onto this God existing assumption that I won't swallow until you do actually do a proper job.

I think you lot come across more honestly when you just come out and state that proving God is pointless and you shouldn't be fucking doing it anyway because it's all about switching off that side of your brain that might question the fucking ridiculous and just start believing it because lot's of people do and 'lots of people' is more than just 'you' so just shut the fuck up and tow the line. I really think you'll get lots of followers like that?

Hmm, I must tell BimBam this next time we slay a virgin together.

My First Atheistic Rant And Doreen's Watchtower

2008-02-12T13:29:00.000Z

Dearest, fondest reader,

What better time for my second ever blog to announce to you my atheistic tenancies on the very day the lovely Doreen (a Jehovah's Witness) showed up at my door with a new edition of "The Watchtower" clutched in her gnarly old mitts.

I, out of politeness, allowed Doreen to go into her introductory little skit about how shitty the world is with the poor, the starving, wars and the pending Armageddon looming, and I even allowed her to raise the mood a little with the oh-so-lovely tales of heaven and the wonderful gardens of Eden (blah fucking blah, right?). Eventually, I had to stop her as I could see that we (as usual) were going no where with the conversation. So I explained to her that I am very excited about the prospect of believing in God, Jesus, fairies, unicorns, Thor, and even 'The Force' but first, one of the faithful must hoik me over this massive primary issue of simply believing for belief's sake! It's something these people don't do in hardly any other aspect of their bewildered lives? I mean, why not believe you can fly and jump off a cliff? Believe you are bullet proof and do a tour of Iraq? Even better, believe you are inflammable, drink a gallon of lighter fuel, jump off a cliff in Iraq while smoking a Benson & Hedges (those thing's really will kill you). No, they don't do that, because 'faith' doesn't work like that does it? If there's even the slightest chance that one could prove the sillyness of such a belief then the mystery -- the point would be removed wouldn't it? But take this notion God. Hey, now there is actually no fucking way you could physically 'prove' this guy's existence (short of him actually announcing him/her/itself and until he/her/it does that makes you bullet proof to the projectiles of reason doesn't it?

I absolutely will not go down the route of La-La-Land with any fucking religious believer until we first address this assumption that there even is a God in the first place, and I advise you too to do the same if you want to stand any chance of not wasting a whole day on your doorstep (or even worse - a whole lifetime). Once we establish that this is 'first base' we can happily wag our fingers at all the rest of the shit they talk about and go back to the original point of it all. Faith or Reason.

Ok, if you want to choose faith over reason, go ahead, fill your boots. Personally I think you're a Mormon, sorry, moron. That is your choice and as we'll discuss some other time no doubt, I do at least respect your life choices (*conditions do apply). Indeed, I absolutely invite you to prove to me the existence of your God (or whatever) because I would love to actually get off first base and wonder down the glorious roads of La-La-Land and pop off a few infidels before I do so.

So far, the only sincere attempts of proving truth, are made by scientific, rational, logical human beings who I incidentally believe in absolutely because I can see a few walking past my window, I've touched a few in my time, and sometimes these people do great and heinous things.

Doreen and I have now gone our separate ways, although after handing me her Watchtower magazine she did do a Terminator and say "I'll be back" which was quite unnerving. But I honestly thought I may have done some good after she remarked that I had actually made her think. I was truly flattered. However, she told me that her purpose for thought would be thinking about how she could 'reach me' and make me 'have faith', and this after all I had said.

There's no hope for some people.

My Blog Birth And The Hoards Of Dirty Apes.

2008-02-11T21:56:00.000Z

Hello Follicles,

Today is the birth of my entry into the world of blogging. I feel like a little virgin walking amongst a hoard of randy apes, but with a bit of luck, and with you holding my hand, we'll make this a pleasurable experience and try to cut down on the screaming and bleeding orifices.

I suppose that I ought to make this blog exclusively about my artwork but I'm an opinionated son of a biscuit so I'll probably also be throwing in my views on the world and all it's foibles. This will
expose me as a very odd person I'm sure, but stay with me kids, I'll do my best and always remeber I'm actually a nice person. Honest I am.

So, here goes. Let's see how often I 'blog' shall we?

Stu