tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-204387632009-11-14T04:43:51.836ZManhattan and Cumbria - they have so much in common the Gnome has to tell you about it...The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.comBlogger78125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-26820330598828639192007-10-17T16:07:00.000+01:002007-10-18T04:23:16.057+01:00

So, once again the Gnome is spending his working days discussing and writing about bowel disease at an international medical conference.For many physicians of course, conferences are a good excuse to get away from the family to play golf, go shopping, or sleep with attractive young pharmaceutical sales reps.Others though do actually contribute to our global scientific knowledge by publishing

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-3038328028043803332007-10-17T15:42:00.000+01:002007-10-17T16:31:53.180+01:00

Why do Americans have a thing about British dentistry? Actually the Gnome knows the answer to that and is ashamed to say he generally agrees with their logic. For to be born an Englishman may be, as Rudyard Kipling once wrote, 'to win first prize in the lottery of life' but unfortunately little of that windfall is spent on straightening teeth.Even poor old Prince Charles, who presumably has no

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-22417663345697192972007-09-17T13:31:00.000+01:002008-12-10T16:51:42.890Z

When the Gnome was a young pup entering the exciting world of the advertising for the first time, he was shown to his desk by a character straight out of Dickens. Tall, thin and with half moon glasses perched upon a beak-like nose, this ghost of copywriters past introduced himself as 'Howard MacMahon esquire' and on arrival at the Gnome's new office, promptly sneered at the computer waiting on

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-86764715408020897072007-09-10T13:21:00.000+01:002007-09-10T13:59:24.922+01:00

As part of the Gnome's freelance occupation (i.e. any job will do), he was recently the hired help arranging a meeting for a large public sector organisation. He took it, in part, for the opportunity to meet fellow non-humans - it was for the elf service - but disappointingly none turned up (although given the appearance of certain delegates he cannot be 100% certain no trolls or orcs

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-31837221982480109702007-09-10T13:15:00.000+01:002007-09-10T13:18:49.231+01:00

The Gnome was telling someone about his favourite cartoon the other day. It was by Ed McLachlan, a regular contributor to the now defunct Punch magazine, although you can still see his work (and the Gnome recommends you do) in various publications to this day.So enthusiastic was the Gnome about this cartoon, a framed print was presented to him on his birthday by his work colleagues. Now the thing

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-67439572207889221072007-09-10T11:51:00.000+01:002007-09-10T11:55:44.771+01:00

They keep coming! And the Gnome loves them... Overheard in a gym, this one was worthy of an Alan Bennett script.Two lancastrian ladies of a certain age, immaculately attired in flourescent leotards so reminiscent of the 1980s were rocking up and down on one of those abdominal exercisers when the following pearl of wisdom was produced."I haven't managed to drink a cup of tea for ages. I think it

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-91654434244874781662007-09-09T17:08:00.001+01:002007-09-09T17:16:36.538+01:00

A long time ago, deep in the Gnome's childhood, he would often hear the word 'wireless' used when what the adults should have said was 'radio'. This always amused the Gnome, listening to those old people (some of them were as old as 35 or even [God forbid] 40...) use such an outdated word.It was as though they couldn't or wouldn't admit technology had moved forward, and with it the associated

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-62378856453079828222007-09-06T12:28:00.000+01:002008-12-10T16:51:43.064Z

Amazing what you can find when Yahoo Pictures insists you move your collection to Flickr.Here is the 'please do not shove a golf club up your dog's arse' sign the Gnome told you about many months ago.Enjoy...

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-70206755340131528152007-09-06T11:24:00.000+01:002007-09-17T15:46:37.496+01:00

The smell of leather, the sound of balls being hit, and a ripple of applause from an intently watching crowd. What else could those sensations signify except that most English of summer pastimes?Mrs Gnome, looking over one's shoulder has suggested a somewhat disturbing answer, but she is incorrect. The Gnome was referring not to sadomasochistic bondage parties but cricket. Honestly... One does

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-66702591453610561462007-09-03T10:21:00.000+01:002007-09-03T10:49:52.540+01:00

Hello dear readers...Once again, the months have flown past without so much as a jot from the Gnome. He can only imagine the gnashing of teeth, soulful wailing and desperation in your lives that his absence has caused.He is not however entirely to blame for the abandonment. For some reason Blogger insisted on a change to a Google Mail account and with it all access was denied. Even the Gnome's

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-83134081698222644492007-04-02T18:07:00.000+01:002008-12-10T16:51:43.223Z

The Gnome likes weird signs. He did once take a picture of a sign for you, dear readers, which seemed to imply that it was illegal to place a golf club up a dog's backside, but alas it has been lost from the archives.At least that one had some words attached to explain its true meaning (no pooping in the street apparently...), whereas this one, spotted at a petrol station just outside Brighton,

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-63226312760246559842007-04-02T17:51:00.000+01:002008-12-10T16:51:43.683Z

Seeing as the Gnome is introducing new characters, he supposes he should present to the world the latest additions to the Gnome household – Gnome Fish 1 and Gnome Fish 2. Bought by Mrs Gnome to provide some cheer in the Gnome’s office, they became an instant hit with Gnome Cat 1, who happily spends the working day watching as they tease him with coquettish flicks of the fins.In fact, Gnome Cat 1

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-55146807670376636022007-04-02T17:50:00.001+01:002007-04-02T17:50:32.186+01:00

There is no excuse for going hungry in Philadelphia – it is a town with a reputation for excess in the eating department. What other town could come up with a signature dish as the Philly Cheesesteak – a delicious yet fattening combination of fried beef smothered in melted cheese shoved together in a 12 inch bun?Not that the Philly Cheesesteak is by any means an expensive dish – it is available

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-50522640753185557392007-04-02T17:29:00.000+01:002008-12-10T16:51:43.861Z

On the Amtrak train between Philadelphia and NYC, the Gnome was caught short. There was little alternative but to pay a visit to the train’s toilet, a journey that even in one’s own country is not exactly to be welcomed with open arms, but in another country, even one as evidently civilised as the USA, must be faced with not a little trepidation.As it happened, all was well with the general

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-39811358125308568872007-04-02T17:28:00.001+01:002007-04-02T17:29:24.979+01:00

The Gnome would love to claim this story as his own experience, but has to give credit where credit is due. Like all long-running sagas, it is important to occasionally bring in fresh characters to keep the readers interested so please be introduced to the never previously blogged character of Father-in-law Gnome and his recent experience in a Yorkshire supermarket.Perusing the vegetables (

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-74425099236393073302007-04-02T17:23:00.000+01:002008-12-10T16:51:44.008Z

Was it Mark Twain who suggested America and England were ‘two great nations separated by a common language’? This little piece of bus shelter advertising certainly seems to bear the theory out.What self-respecting UK-based copywriter would come up with the picture and slogan shown here? And what self-respecting English lady would be prepared to take on the challenge of ‘blowing off’ the less than

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-68197619432255064092007-03-12T01:49:00.000Z2008-12-10T16:51:44.306Z

Climate change may bring future catastrophes, wars may ravage the globe and Noel Edmonds may still be on TV – but these global issues are not problems that unduly concern the Gnome. It is the little irritations that matter, the ones seemingly designed to make life just a little bit more unpleasant than it needs to be.Hand dryers are one such source of such annoyment to the Gnome. It seems a fair

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-19546624656599093042007-03-12T01:34:00.000Z2007-03-12T01:46:59.971Z

The Gnome cannot be described as svelte… Nor, he hastens to add, fat. Neither would be strictly accurate. He is however willing to accept he is succumbing to a soon-to-be middle aged state of pleasantly plump.Perhaps subconsciously aiming to add to this plumpness, he wandered into a New York branch of a well known burger joint looking to get a quick fix of monosodium glutamate and caffeine.

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-89949332056590645742007-02-14T14:48:00.000Z2008-12-10T16:51:44.532Z

Once again the spectre that is St Valentine's Day is upon us, and with it the dilemma faced by all who, like the Gnome, combine a romantic nature with an unparalleled ability for forgetfullness.In other words, what can one do when faced by a spouse, eyebrow raised and rolling pin in hand, when she (or he) broaches the subject of a noticeable absence of love tokens?The Gnome cannot be alone in

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-65466582467539109592007-02-14T13:29:00.000Z2008-12-10T16:51:44.906Z

Gnome dog is keen on spreading happiness to others. No person or animal can she see without an immediate reaction of unbridled joy, coupled with the desire to bestow upon them the sort of wet, slavering kisses normally only endured by favoured nephews of elderly Great Aunts (and of this experience the Gnome can speak with some authority...)So, perhaps Gnome dog should be signed up for this little

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-90677785113239456882007-02-08T13:17:00.000Z2007-02-08T13:13:37.858Z

Not a plug you will find in the bath, but a little reciprocation to the folks over at Bobbarama's Carnival of Humor who very kindly selected one of the Gnome's pieces for inclusion in this month's edition.Do yourself a favour... wander over there and look through the other posts, but don't enjoy them too much - the Gnome doesn't want you deserting him completely!

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-5150966407931678892007-02-08T13:11:00.000Z2007-02-11T13:46:28.921Z

Writing about his brief foray into the unaccustomed role of artistic consultant started the Gnome reminiscing about his early years on the stage. The word ‘years’ may be pushing the boundaries a little, but to deftly conceal the reality of a few amateur dramatic performances as a teenager it seemed an appropriate tool.Be that as it may, he still fondly remembers the triumph of his ‘Dame Fanny

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-63431369469481892082007-02-08T12:51:00.000Z2008-12-10T16:51:45.168Z

Ah, the British Bobby on the beat – a symbol of all that is reassuring about England. Calm, cheerful and approachable – just like the faces the Gnome saw on this poster in London. Look at them – the perfect examples of modern law enforcement as our political leaders would have us see them. The distant echo of ‘Dixon of Dock Green’ lives on in their multicultural faces.Crossing the road near the

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-64426880775532394462007-02-08T09:11:00.000Z2007-02-06T15:36:29.980Z

The Gnome lives in the countryside, surrounded by acres of sheep pasture and gentle meadows. It is an area with a long history. Next door to the Gnome’s abode is an Elizabethan farmhouse, protected by government decree from modern development for its intricately carved wood panels.It is strange to think at a time when Shakespeare was chewing his pencil thinking up ways to make Hamlet descend even

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-58628431483918074922007-02-06T15:14:00.000Z2008-12-10T16:51:45.646Z

It may be a cliché of countryside living, but clichés only become so by dint of accuracy. So it was that the Gnome was leaning on a five barred gate chatting to a local farmer. Alas the image you now have is slightly incomplete in that he was not chewing languidly on an ear of corn, nor wearing a tweed jacket with leather patches at the elbows. But still, as an image of rural idyll, it would be

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0