Working through Social Anxiety Disorder / Social Phobia

Stanford Psychology Department study on social anxiety

2009-07-09T18:29:00.006-04:00

I was contacted recently by Alice from the Stanford Psychology Department and asked if I'd share on my blog some information that could prove very helpful to those with anxiety. Please see below. Sounds like it could be great, and it's free to boot.

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If you’re looking for help with Social Anxiety Disorder, one option to consider is participating in research studies. At the Stanford Psychology Department, the CAAN lab is doing a study on social anxiety, and offering free treatment as a part of the research.

We are conducting a study measuring the effects of different stress reduction therapies.

The Wellness Program works on:

Improving physical fitness through cardiovascular and weight training
Stretching your body to enhance flexibility and improve posture
Implementing changes in your life towards better diet, sleep, and exercise habits

The Mindfulness Program works on:

Training in purposefully directing your attention from moment to moment, without critical judgment
Enhancing awareness and acceptance of external events as well as internal thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations
Implementing a meditation practice in your life to cultivate these skills

Mindfulness classes are once a week and take place either on Stanford campus, or around the San Francisco Bay area. The Wellness program involves a one-on-one meeting with a coach, to tailor a Wellness course for you, with a requirement of participation in a group fitness class of your choice. The study is 8 weeks long, with research assessments before and after the treatment.

You can find out more at caan.stanford.edu.

The first step to determine eligibility for either of these studies is a 15-20 minute phone interview. Give us a call at 650-723-5977 when you have 20 minutes free, or email your name, number, and some good times to call and we will try to reach you. Email us at caan.mbsr@gmail.com

Best of luck!

CAAN Research Team

Oh Canada Day....

2009-07-08T19:48:00.005-04:00

Oh, Canada Day, right. I forgot. I was going to fill you in on how it all went.

In the morning I drove downtown to the foot of Cherry Street near the Toronto harbour and took a bunch of photos. Some came out good, but most I won't bother posting to my photo blog. There is one that I'm really happy with -- I'm even getting it blown up (not the silos, the photo).

From there I dropped by my friend's backyard BBQ. There were around 15 people in attendance. Only one new face from last year's event. Half of them I know personally. The weather was simply spectacular. I mean, I just couldn't get over what a great day it turned out to be. We ate lots of food, drank too much beer, and played bocce ball in his backyard

So how was your anxiety, Dave?

Glad you asked. I was about as calm and relaxed as an cucumber. (Yes, cucumbers are indeed a very relaxed veggie, I'll have you know) I guess it was that I knew exactly what to expect. Most of my fears, like most people, tend to revolve around the unknown. I've been attending this party annually for like ten years now, so there was really nothing to be afraid of. This is one event where I'm pretty relaxed not talking to people or being animated when I feel like. No one cares. They know me and accept me for who I am.

Good news, bad news

While there, a friend of mine, who happens to own a sweet Canon dSLR camera, offered to lend it to me for a while to learn how to use a higher end camera. I took a bunch of photos at the party with it, but the bad news is that I can't get my computer to recognize the camera. I installed all the necessary software to no avail. So, I've had to pack that idea in. Sadly, I'll likely be returning the camera unused.

This weekend!

In case you're not a car racing fan, this weekend is the Honda Indy Toronto (used to be the Molson Indy). My buddy and I will be heading down Friday for the practice. I plan to take a bunch of photos. Should be fun. I'm not looking forward to the heat and humidity they are calling for, but what can you do. I only wish I could take that dSLR with me. Oh well, my crappy point & shoot will have to suffice. When all you've got is lemons, make lemonade, right?

So that's it for now.

Stay tuned because I have a guest writer submitting a piece on anxiety that will be very engaging. Hope you'll enjoy it and offer up your comments and opinions.

The food that heart attacks are made of

2009-07-08T19:30:00.003-04:00

If you've followed along on my blog or simply checked out various posts, then you likely already know I have a love/hate relationship with junk food. Fortunately, I'm not into the fast food joints, but I do love my ice cream and other assorted after-dinner treats. Well, if you're at all like me and you need to be convinced that there are consequences to unhealthy eating habits, then this video should make you pause a moment between bites of your big mac.

Watch here:

Got 'er in gear today

2009-06-30T22:00:00.005-04:00

Today was a better day. I swore I wasn't going to waste it like I have been. Well, to be honest, "waste" really isn't an appropriate word, since I've been spending much of my time researching digital photography. I think a lot of my troubles come from being a bit obsessive about things. Right now I'm completely obsessed with learning about cameras, photography and taking great photos. I've also been taking my own photos and learning how to tweak them using photo editing software. Anyway, what it all amounts to is me parked on my arse in front of the computer for hours on end. Like right now, for instance. :) Not a great way to spend a summer day.

Back to today. When I went to bed last night I promised myself that tomorrow (which is today, now) I'd try to invest more time into other things that need doing. I ended up doing some shopping, some house cleaning, and made a nice dinner. I even spent some time reading on the back deck earlier this evening. Oh sure, I spent time in front of the computer too, but I tried not to get entirely engulfed in my obsession. I did find time to edit and post some photos to my photo blog, but that's okay.

What I didn't do is make any attempt at finding work. I think I'm gun shy. I don't feel like I can pull it together to put myself out there. One of my biggest fears is rejection and I'm not ready to get rejected again. Not yet. Thankfully it's not making me anxious.

So all in all I feel my day was somewhat productive. Tomorrow is Canada Day here in Canada. One of my best friends has an annual afternoon backyard party and I'm invited. I go every year, so I'm not at all nervous about it. It should be fun. I'm also going to treat myself to breakfast at my local restaurant. Tomorrow's going to be productive too, but more in a social way. I'll spend most of it outside of the house, which should help me feel...something.

So how about we end with an uplifting, encouraging thought. Yesterday my post was somewhat bleak and down -- in retrospect, I was feeling somewhat bleak and down. But here I am today feeling much better. Still not 100%, but better none the less. The point is, the next time I (and maybe you too) am feeling rather bleak and down, I (and maybe you too) should try to remember that tomorrow's a new day. While I might not be able to help the way I feel in the moment, nothing lasts forever. When it rains, we don't sit at the windowsill thinking: I guess that's it, it's going to rain forever. No, of course not. Instead, we think: Oh well, it's good for the grass, and it'll probably be sunny on the weekend. There's nothing wrong with being down form time to time, but the trick is to never lose hope that it'll turn around.

Tomorrow's another, new day! It's Canada Day! I'm going to enjoy it.

P.S.: The photo is actually mine. I took it last Saturday. It was originally in colour, but I thought I'd try out black & white.

Day by Indifferent Day

2009-06-29T22:17:00.009-04:00

It's been about two months since I lost my job, and a month since my last post. To be honest, I really haven't been up to much. I've been taking lots of photos and enjoying that. I've also been learning about photography and photo editing, which has been fun. What I haven't been doing is actively looking for work. Oddly, the way I'm living my life right now should be driving my anxiety through the roof, but I don't seem to care about much of anything anymore. I'm not down or depressed. More like indifferent, flat. It's almost as if I've come to accept my lot in life. Like I've finally given in to the flow of the river rather than fight. I've gotta say, this can't be a good thing. If I had the capacity to care, I'm sure I'd be worried about myself right now.

On the other hand, I have to admit that I've really enjoyed being free of anxiety and being able to simply do whatever I feel like without beating myself up for not taking care of the things I should be taking care of. For instance, I was planning to plant my garden this spring, but never got around to it. At first I was feeling guilty and anxious for not taking care of this, but I've since completely let it go. This is something I've never been able to do in my life, let things go. But that's not such a good thing, is it. Without any motivation or structure, I'll never get anywhere.

Usually I like to end with an uplifting message of hope. Maybe speak on how I'm going to get my act together and such. That would seem appropriate. But it would be a lie. Things are the way they are right now, and they're going to be this way tomorrow and the day after that. Not sure what it all means. Pretty sure I don't care.

I will say this: I hope you don't read too much into my post. I'm not depressed or unhappy; I'm just indifferent to my life. I'm certain I'll get over whatever this is. For now, I'm letting the river take me where it wants to go. Life goes on.

A blog for my photos

2009-06-01T22:17:00.005-04:00

Had a good day today. Tried my hand at a blog using Wordpress. I feel they have nicer templates. The functionality is about the same. Anyway, if you like photos, have a peek:

http://lazyphotog.wordpress.com/

Here are a couple of the shots I took at the Toronto Island on Saturday. I'll be updating that blog each time I get out to take some photos.

Cheers,
D.

Highs and lows and the never-ending runaround

2009-05-30T12:34:00.003-04:00

My week of hope has finally come to an end, and I have to admit I’m not too disappointed. To recap, I’ve been exploring the possibility of returning to college in September full time for 16 months to get a degree, through a government funded program called Second Career. Here’s the rub: there were only one to three spots left in the program I wanted to enter and around 50 applicants.

During the information session on Thursday May 21st, the program administrator told a packed room that the decision on who will get those coveted seats will be made based on the outcome of an interview session on May 28th.

Before attending the interview session last Thursday, I had to write a two to three page essay on why I thought I should be chosen for said course, get three references, and write an English Assessment test.

When I arrived for the interview session two nights ago, the room was packed; so packed they had to open a second classroom to accommodate everyone. In short order the administrator announced that the program was now full and tonight all they’d be doing is accepting people on a waiting list. Huh!? If they’d told me a week ago they weren’t going to hold those seats, I wouldn’t have wasted my time. For me, this was disappointing news. You can’t apply to the government funded Second Career program without an acceptance letter from the college. I can’t get that letter unless I go on a wait list and hope that someone drops out. Even then, there’s no guarantee they’d choose me over someone else on the list, particularly because I’d still have to jump through the Second Career program hoops before being able to qualify. Even then, if the government funds will not cover the full amount I need, I’d have to take a pass. Talk about a catch 22. Joseph Heller (author of the 1961 book, Catch 22) would be rolling in this grave over this one.

The one positive note is the outcome of my English Assessment test that morning. I had to write an essay on the fly, and then take an English grammar/punctuation test. Each part was marked separately. Because my interview session was that evening, they said they’d mark the test right there and send the results downstairs to student services. By the time I got to the student services desk, my marks were in the system. Surprisingly, even astonishing — to me, anyway— I got 99% for the essay and 99% for the grammar. Even the case worker was surprised. That test had been causing me much worry all week. In my heart I knew I could pass it, but my lack of confidence and low self-esteem had me up at night sick with doubt.

So that’s it for that program. I might see what other programs are available, but to be honest, after such a runaround it is hard to get motivated to continue down this path. We’ll see next week.

It's getting crowded in here

2009-05-24T20:02:00.006-04:00

By "crowded" I mean the negative voices, and by "in here" I mean in my head. My social anxiety has subsided greatly in the past year or two, mostly, I think, because I found meaningful employment and felt a sense of value. Now, however, I'm no longer part of society and I'm finding that the negative self-talk is coming back. It also doesn't help that I'm spending way too much time alone these days. Simply put, I've been struggling with depression ever since getting laid off. I have had zero energy to do anything lately. I thought that as time passed this would pass too, but it actually seems to be getting worse.

I have this opportunity to return to school full time for 16 months on the government dime. It's called Second Career. At the end of it I'd have a college diploma in a very sought after field. The problem is, the program is almost booked up for September. There are something like 50 of us vying for one to three spots. In order to qualify I'm supposed to write an essay to convince the program administrators that I'd be the best candidate for one of the couple of seats available. There in lies the rub. I can't stand writing anything positive about myself. Worse yet, the truth is that I don't believe I am a good candidate. I have anxiety disorder. I have zero confidence and no self-esteem. I am highly unmotivated (at the moment). I have to write and pass a college English assessment test. I have to provide three references. I won't find out if the government will cover the costs until June. And I have no related experience in this particular field and question whether I'd even be good at it. It's a Career & Work Counsellor program, by the way.

So here I am expected to write a persuasive essay when I can't even persuade myself. Even if they do pick me for the program, I still have to jump the government hurdles. The chances of everything playing out in my favour are almost nil.

It's been a bad weekend. Not sure what I'm going to do. I know, I know... if you don't try you can't possible win. If you don't try you'll come to regret it. Yeah, I've been through all that, trust me.

BY THE WAY:
You might have noticed I changed my header photograph. The new one is one of my own, from the day trip I took downtown with my camera.

Feeling scattered and scared lately

2009-05-20T17:53:00.004-04:00

It's funny, ever since leaving my job I've been feeling a bit out of sorts and even a bit scared at times. I'd gotten so used to living a very structured and organized life that I find myself lost without the schedule. My OCD has no way to vent. I've been sleeping in, eating poorly, and lazing around--very unlike me. I also find my anxiety has been ramping up and down for no apparent reason. And I've been very unmotivated to get off my arse and do anything productive.

Last night I lost to a fight with a box of Klondike Ice Cream Bars. Went out after dinner and fetched a box. Four bars inside. That was around 7:00 PM. By 9:00 PM an empty Klondike Bars box took its rightful place in my recycling bin. We won't get into the messy details of what happened to the four bars inside the box, but you can imagine. Simply put, when it comes to ice cream, I don't take prisoners. It was ice cream genocide, and that's all I'm gonna say about that.

I'd like to talk about what I've been doing about securing a new gig, but I won't. It would be a short discussion and I don't come out on the winning side.

But I do have news! I've been looking into this "Second Career" program offered by our ever-so-generous government. They will pay me to return to school and obtain a degree. It's my very own personal bailout package. I'm seriously considering it to the point where I'm seeing them tomorrow to get all the details. If they will actually cover my costs, then that's it I'm going back to school. I've already put a spit shine on my Fred Flintstone & The Gang Lunch Box and sewn my mitts to the sleeves of my winter jacket in anticipation.

I'll talk more about this later, as I don't want to stretch out this post to the point of it being boring. Ooops, too late, huh! Oh well, life goes on.

MY TRIP DOWNTOWN

2009-05-11T15:09:00.011-04:00

I went for quite the walk on Sunday and took plenty of photos I thought I'd share. I'm in no way a pro photographer, but I had a lot of fun experimenting. Check them out on my Picasa site:

Here are a couple of samples:

It was a nice day, albeit a bit windy, but I made the best of it and had a good time.

Cheers,
D.

Introvert Power

2009-05-01T16:35:00.003-04:00

Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength (Paperback), by Laurie Helgoe Ph.D.

I started reading this interesting book a week back. I'm not that far into it, but so far it sounds like a real winner. Very easy reading. You might want to check it out. Just click on the title of the post.

From Publishers Weekly
Starred Review. "Most Americans, whether introverted or extroverted, have learned to look like extroverts," writes psychologist (and introvert) Helgoe in this well-written and well-reasoned analysis that challenges the perception of introverts as a silent, problematic minority. The author reveals that 57% of the U.S. population identify as introverts and are so commonly misunderstood because many of them have become adept at mimicking extroversion (becoming a "Socially Accessible Introvert") to get by. Helgoe encourages introverts to see themselves as perfectly functional and to fulfill their need for solitude with regular retreats and creating a private space in their homes. Helgoe's book is wide-ranging and cross-cultural, invoking how other societies (particularly in Japan and Scandinavia) are more compatible with and accepting of introversion. Helpful sections details why introverts need extroverts in their lives and how extroverts depend on introverts for their artistic contributions and inner "richness." The author's voice is vivid and engaging, and she skillfully draws real-life examples of awkward scenarios introverts find themselves in when forced to play a role in society or the workplace. Readers will find much insight, as well as a comforting sense of being understood and validated.

Online Dating Service

2009-05-01T16:26:00.005-04:00

I usually hesitate to accept stuff that's clearly marketing material on my blog, since it's supposed to be about helping myself and others rather than about making money, but I thought this online dating service for those who suffer from mental illness and anxiety might be worthwhile. And it's free. I haven't checked it out myself, but don't let that stop you. Just click the title of this post to go to their site.

Their web site states:

ChemicalPulse is an online dating service
for singles with Mental Illness & Anxiety.

Why join ChemicalPulse?

Unlike most mainstream online dating services,
ChemicalPulse allows members to be open
about their Mental Illness to others without
the fear of being stigmatized.

As a ChemicalPulse member, you will have
a better online dating experience knowing
that you can fully express yourself and
connect with single women & men who
also are seeking a deeper understanding.

Join ChemicalPulse today and post your
online personal ad. Access blogs, chat rooms,
and browse through personal ads of singles
seeking to make a deeper connection.
Break free from mainstream online dating
and create a connection unlike you've
ever had!

If anyone's had any experience with this or any other online dating, you're welcome to mention it here.

Unemployed Again

2009-05-01T16:03:00.003-04:00

Well, it looks like my gut was right about my job. Wednesday late afternoon I was called into the owner's office and let go. No hard feelings. I got to say goodbye to all the people I've gotten to know over the past 13 months, which was nice. Many couldn't believe it, thinking I was simply joking. I was given a story which was so obviously bull shit, but what could I do, right. Anyway, here I am again on the unemployment line. Great.

So far I haven't gotten up to much. I did apply for a position yesterday but can't say I care much if I get an interview. They say bad luck comes in threes. Well, the drain valve on my water heater has been dripping for a while and today my heating guy came by to replace the valve. Rather than wait until the tank was empty before playing around with it, he decided to loosen it while the tank was still draining. The valve failed and water started gushing out all over my laundry room. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but I couldn't believe the luck, or his stupidity. Oh well.

After he left I made myself lunch. While eating it, a cap on one of my teeth came out. Now I have to see the dentist to get it fixed. I can't stand or afford the dentist. Oh well.

So things are going to be tight for a while. On the plus side, I'm far more efficient with my spending than I was a year ago and should be able to carry myself until I find work. Also, I qualify for employment insurance (EI), which should give me a couple hundred a week for the time being.

Now, if only a little good luck would come my way.

I know my last two posts have been a bit flat and depressing. I'll try to up my game the next time I post. At least now I'll have some time on my hands.

Anxiety at Work

2009-04-28T22:00:00.005-04:00

The last few weeks have been a bit trying at work. Being somewhat of a shy person, I guess I'm not as outgoing as they would like when it comes to dealing with customers in the showroom. It takes me a bit to warm up to people and begin to be myself. By the time I start to feel relaxed enough to get chatty and extroverted, the transaction's over and they're gone.

My boss doesn't make it any easier, either. He tends to like to draw a lot of attention to himself, and consequentially, me, when someone he knows comes in to make a purchase. He means well, mind you, but I tend to cringe sometimes at his antics.

What's odd is that in my old life as a self-employed contractor, I was great with people. I think much of it had to do with the fact my meetings were set appointments for which I could properly prepare. Here, I can be in the middle of a complicated task at my computer when suddenly I'm expected to drop everything and be charming to some stranger in the showroom. All I can think of is how badly I want to get back to my desk and finish what I was working on.

I've also come to realize I have far less patience for stupid than I could have ever imagined. Mostly because I never realized just how many stupid lazy people there are in the world. It's astonishing, really. I guess in my last job I was spoiled, since I was always able to manage my customers and their expectations up front. This company tends to empower stupid customers rather than help them help themselves.

Anyway, I'm not very happy at the moment. Try as I might, I can't help but feel like I'm failing at work. I am cognizant of the issue, at least, and that's half the battle. I've been working very hard to be more pleasant with the customers and I can see a difference. I'm hoping that the risk of losing my job will be enough to force me to rise to the challenge and change my behavior for the better. Fingers crossed. In the meantime, I find I'm more anxious and insecure than ever, at least when it comes to work. Not a pleasant experience. Thankfully, my co-worker has been extremely supportive and is about the only person there who makes me feel worthwhile.

I'm embarrassed to say, but I still haven't figured out how to build exercise into my life. I recently bought a new stability ball and an exercise book, but they are collecting dust in my spare room with my other equipment. There's no good excuse for it, I'm afraid. I'm just lazy, is all. I know that if I started a good workout routine I'd feel a lot better about myself and far less anxious all around. I should mention that lately I've been going for long walks through Toronto's downtown core, which is helping. And at least I'm still eating right, so to speak. Just don't ask about the Klondike ice cream bars in my freezer, please.

Another Anxiety Free Day!

2009-02-02T19:42:00.004-05:00

The day to day stresses of being cute can really be draining when you're but a wee kitty.

Work Anxiety Overload

2009-01-31T21:37:00.004-05:00

The past week has been a bit crazy. My boss is in Mexico on vacation and the only other person in my department was off due to a death in the family. This all came about a week ago Friday. Last weekend I was extremely anxious about what the following week would hold. Simply put, it was fear of the unknown. In this case, the unknown was me. I had no idea how I would handle the workload and all the decisions and such. What I did know was that I could expect little to no help from anyone else. On that front I was not let down.

Surprisingly, however, the week went well. I actually managed to juggle the workload of three desks for the three days my co-worker was off and once he returned Thursday I continued managing my boss's desk. What's more, because I'm far more organized than my boss, things actually ran smoother in his absence. I have to say, I'm pretty pleased with myself.

It's funny how a low self-esteem can affect your outlook on things. I spent almost 20 years working for myself before taking a job with someone else, yet when I was suddenly thrust into a role with much more responsibility I honestly thought I would fail. In the end, all my past experience kicked in and I pulled it off handily. Who'd a thunk it!

Well, my week of running things is over now and my boss returns next week. On the one hand I'll be glad to have him back, but on the other, his organizational ineptitude will mean more work and frustration for me.

The experience was good for me, though, and that's what matters.

The Dreaded Treadmill

2009-01-05T21:54:00.003-05:00

Yep, I did it! I got off my lazy arse this evening, although it was the last thing I wanted to do, and hit the treadmill. I'm embarrassed to say, but I lasted only 15 minutes. That's okay, though; every journey starts with the first step, right?

I'm not going to push myself, but I do want to make this into a habit. They say you have to repeat something for at least 21 days before the routine takes hold. They also say no pain, no gain. Me, I say "No pain, No pain."

Wish me luck. This, hopefully, is the first step to a better me. For what it's worth, I can tell you from first hand experience that exercise is probably the number one best thing you can do for yourself to curb your anxiety and improve your mood.

And no, it's not a New Years resolution at all. It's merely a coincidence that I'm starting this the first week of '09. Honestly. I'm disappointed you'd even think such a thing. ;)

I'm not setting any goals here. I'm just going to introduce some much needed exercise into my life again. I've always been happier for it. No goals = no potential for disappointment. Just do it and don't think too much about it, is what I say.

Off to bed. Oh yeah, work went pretty good today, by the way. Everyone was in a much better mood than I'd anticipated, which made the day go by easier. And we were pretty busy, which made it go by faster. One down, four more to go until the weekend. Yay!

Back to work, SLAVE!

2009-01-04T22:07:00.006-05:00

Back to work tomorrow morning. Wish I could say I'm looking forward to it, but then again, who the hell would be, right? At least I had a nice extended holiday. I've been off since Dec 24th. Can't complain about that. I got most of my chores done too. Missed a couple of things, but crying over spilled milk won't get it back in the jug.

The one big chore I got done was the winter issue of the trade magazine I edit. That's always one nasty frikkin monkey on my back, let me tell you. It's my own fault, since I'm a bit of a procrastinator. Why do today what you can get someone else to do for you tomorrow, right? I still have work to do on it, but at least I finished writing my editorial and book review. Now I've got to start looking towards the spring issue. It's a never ending cycle but it sure pays well, for a part time gig.

Well, it's already 10:14 PM Toronto time so I better say goodnight. Gotta hit the showers no later than 6:30 AM, and I'm a cranky bugger without my proper beauty sleep. :)

NEW BLOG IDEA...

I've got this idea for a cooking/recipe blog. Posting recipes here doesn't seem very appropriate, so I'm thinking of starting another one. My buddy and I are both single guys and we do a lot of cooking, but it's hard to cook quality meals for one. What we do is share our meals. For instance, he cooked a great soup the other day and brought me over two portions. Next time I cook something big, I'll pass along a meal's worth to him. We got talking and I came up with the idea of sharing our recipes (which we mostly steal form the Food Network TV) with the online world. What I'd really like to do is incorporate video into the blog, sort of like an online cooking show. Can you imagine, me hosting a cooking show. Maybe if I do it with a paper bag over my head with the eyes and mouth cut out. Just kidding.

Okay, that's it, I'm off to bed -- well, reading in bed first, followed by sleep. I know, too much info, sorry.

Got My Tassimo

2009-01-03T21:08:00.007-05:00

If you read my post from Christmas Eve, you'll already know I lost out on finding a Bosch Tassimo single-cup coffee maker. Everone was simply out of stock and I was out of luck.

Great news! I found one on new years eve at The Bay. It wasn't on sale, but I explained to the clerk that they were out of stock on the Sunday before Christmas when I wanted to buy one, which also happened to be when they had a big sale on, and I asked her if she'd consider giving my a bit of a discount. I was hoping for 10% off, but she gave me 25% off. So instead of paying $190 after taxes, I got it for $144 after taxes. I'm thrilled!

So far, it has performed as advertised. I tried the Nabob breakfast blend first, but found it a bit strong, so then I tried the Maxwell House blend and it's great! This afternoon I had a cup with a shot of Baileys Irish Cream and I was in heaven. Warmed the cockles of my heart--my cockles were pretty frosty too, let me tell you.

Simply put, I couldn't be happier with my new coffee maker.

This, by the way, was my Christmas present to myself.

Another New Year!

2009-01-03T20:29:00.006-05:00

"Meet George Jetson!
His boy Elroy!
Daughter Judy!
Jane, his wife!"

So here we are, three days into the ninth year of the 21st century. Aren't we supposed to be scooting around in flying saucers, ala The Jetsons! And where the hell's my Service Bot to do all my housecleaning and such?! Sure, we have that remote controlled disc-shaped vacuum but that's hardly a full-service robot, right? And when I say "full-service" I mean "full" service. Giddy up! :)

Okay, so it looks like we still have a ways to go yet. The Jetsons lifestyle is but a far off dream. But hey, look how far we've come. Some of today's wrist watches have more computing power than what landed Apollo astronauts on the moon. We have TVs that hang off our walls like pictures and deliver images that make looking out a window disappointing. And let's not forget that ultimate waster of time, the internet. Without that, we might be forced to enjoy the great outdoors, and no one wants to return to that Neanderthal world, right?

Joking aside, we've come a long ways since Hanna Barbera created The Jetsons back in 1962, one year after I was born. However, the future never seems to turn out to be as exciting when you're living it in the present. We take almost everything for granted. I remember how lost everyone was during the great blackout here in Ontario a couple of years back. No phones, no computers, no TVs, no radios--nothing. But the lights eventually came back on and we all went right back to taking it all for granted. Oh well, life goes on.

So what's in store for this year? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Personally, I haven't made any resolutions related to the new year, but I do know I need to get my act together in a few areas of my life:

I need to get out more: for walks, to meet people, to be more social
I need to be nicer and more open towards people
I definitely need to exercise more before I keel over
I need to end my long term relationship with junk food
I need to stop worrying so much about the small stuff
I need to consider finding a better job - that's a toughy in these dire economic times
I would like to meet a nice girl who can love me for who I am and who I can love back
I would like to take a painting course. I've always wanted to paint.

Here's what I have accomplished to date (all related to reducing my spending):

I reduced my cell phone bill by about $20 a month
I reduced my home phone bill by $30 a month
I reduced my cable TV bill by $20 a month
I started a budget and have reduce my spending by about $50 a week, on average

All in all, things are looking up, in a way. I hate to say this, but these dire economic times have actually been a bit of a blessing for me. I've never been good with managing my money, but now I'm actually obsessing about it in a way I've never done before. I'm counting my pennies, as they say, and it feels good.

There's still a loong cold winter ahead, but I'm not planning to let it get me down. Monday I'm back to work and back to my weekly routine. I hope I can mix it up a bit and get out more, but I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't.

Here's wishing you a wonderful new year, one filled with hope and joy. Please say Hi and let me know what you're hoping for in the new year. I'll cross my fingers for you--and for me too.

Christmas Dinner

2009-01-03T19:59:00.004-05:00

Well, my Irish Stew was a huge hit. Man, it was some tasty treats. And I had enough left over to invite my friend Andrew and his girlfriend over the next night for leftovers. Everyone was impressed. In light of this tremendous success, I thought I'd share my recipe with y'all. I'm calling it mine, but I actually cobbled it together from a handful of recipes I found online. If you happen to try it, please do let me know. Or if you have any suggestions for improvements, I'm all ears. Sorry, no photos.

Irish Stew

Ingredients by order of appearance:

2 lbs. stew beef
2 tablespoons flour
2 tablespoon cooking oil
½ teaspoon dried thyme
1 medium onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, chopped
Salt & pepper
½ cup red wine

(I prepared the above the night before - see step 1. below)

1 pkg cremini mushrooms
2 medium carrots, cut into ½” pieces
2 stalks celery, cut into ½” pieces
12 mini potatoes, peeled and cubed
1 sweet potato, cut into ¾” pieces
1 - 16 oz can chopped tomatoes, undrained
1 pint Guinness beer
(1 cup of beef broth, as necessary)
3 tablespoons quick-cooking tapioca (a thickener)
1 tablespoon instant beef bouillon granules
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 clove garlic, chopped
2 bay leaves
1 teaspoon dried thyme
Salt & pepper (careful with salt)
2 cups frozen peas
1 cup Italian parsley

Cut meat into 1” cubes. Coat meat in flour and then brown in a skillet (don't overcrowd the pan). Add ½ teaspoon dried thyme during last minute of browning. Transfer to Tupperware container.

Sauté onion and one clove garlic in oil, along with some salt & pepper, for two minutes in same pan in which you just browned the meat. Add ½ cup red wine to deglaze pan. Bring to boil. Scrape beef tasty bits from bottom of pan. Cool and transfer to Tupperware container with beef cubes. Refrigerate overnight.

Next morning: Transfer Tupperware contents to crock pot. Add everything else, except peas and parsley, and stir together. Add beef broth, as necessary, to top up liquids (should almost cover beef & veggies).

Cook on high for two hours, then low for six hours.

Add peas one hour before finished.

Add parsley 15 minutes before serving.

One thing I might do differently next time is to saute the mushrooms with the onions the night before. They were great "as is," but I think there was a potential for them to be even better. I'd also leave them in bigger pieces.

Merry Christmas to All

2008-12-24T21:40:00.004-05:00

Here we are, another Christmas eve, another year coming to a close. I'm spending it alone again, but that's okay, I'll be seeing my Dad and my buddy, Keith, tomorrow. They're coming over for Christmas dinner. I'm making an Irish Stew in my crock pot. I know, it's not very conventional, but I just don't have it in me to tackle a turkey -- as much as I do like my turkey. We're also having broccoli and blue cheese soup and garlic bread, along with strawberry and rhubarb pie and ice cream for dessert. Should be fun. At least I won't be alone.

I had a bit of an anxiety attack today going to the grocery store. I really don't know why I was stressing so much. I guess I was worried I'd have to spend half my day trying to find everything on my shopping list. I got lucky, though, and got it all at the first store I hit. Yay! :)

I can't say I'm in the Christmas spirit much, although I did watch It's A Wonderful Life tonight and I'm taping Scrooge for tomorrow. I'm off work now until Jan 5th, so that's a nice treat. No Christmas bonus, but that comes as no surprise. I work for very cheap people. Oh well. We did have a nice Christmas party, I must say. The ladies who work in the plant really seemed to enjoy themselves and we all had a good time. I actually felt apart of something for a while there.

I've found myself worrying a lot lately. Not about anything specific or important, just worrying about any old thing and every old thing. I really need to start exercising again, but I'm always too tired after work. I'm hoping to get some sort of routine going while I'm off on holidays.

It rained here in Toronto today. We still have a ton of snow kicking around, but it's quickly turning to ugly gray slush. It's supposed to warm up dramatically by the weekend. I can take that.

I was going to buy myself a present this year, a red Bosch Tassimo single-serve coffee maker -- the kind that uses pods -- but by the time I decided to pull the trigger on one, the stores were all sold out. I hear they're great. I guess I'll just have to wait until they restock in January. I can't really afford it, anyway. It's $169.00 Canadian. I was kinda hoping for a Christmas bonus, but like I said already...

Well, I better say goodnight. Santa's slay might be skipping across my roof top any time now. Hope y'all have a wonderful holiday and best wishes for a happy and prosperous new year.

Merry Christmas!
Dave

Life Changes

2008-09-25T22:06:00.006-04:00

I was just reading some of my blog from months/years gone by. Funny how things change, isn't it. I mean, I read about my social anxiety and all the turmoil in my life back then and it's as if I'm reading someone else's blog. I'm a changed man, I suppose.

The thing is, I'm really not. I still have my anxious moments and such, but my feelings about them are different. I don't know why, or what's changed, except for work. I never thought I'd be able to work for someone else, but here I am, doing the 9 to 5 and making it work. I'm surrounded by a wide variety of people all day, some very nice and some not so nice, some easy to get along with, some more than difficult. Had you asked me how I'd do in such an environment before I was immersed in it, I'd have laughed at the thought, shaking my head--not me, nooo way.

I think the fact that I've been relatively successful there has given me a certain underlying strength, which has spilled over into all parts of my life. My negative mind still whispers dark thoughts from time to time, but I fight it more than ever. I also think having a 40 hour distraction every week at work has helped temper my obsessive mind.

They say you never get over social anxiety. Maybe so, I don't know. What I do know is that you do have some control over it, but like everything, it takes work. I eat right, drink very little booze or coffee, don't smoke (never have), and get a good night's sleep almost every night. The only thing missing is exercise. I still haven't figured how to work that into my day, although I am taking 20-minute walks at lunch. Nonetheless, I'm making an effort and the effort seems to be paying off. I have new habits now, healthy habits. I still need to get over my struggle with ice cream and potato chips, but I'm slowly working on that too.

I'm not really sure if anyone's visiting my blog much anymore, what with me not writing as often as I used to, but for those who are, here's something to consider: It's not hopeless. If I can make positive changes to my life, then so can you. The secret, in my humble opinion, is not to try to do it all at once. Take baby steps. Introduce one new thing into your life that's going to help with your anxiety. Then another. And in no time you might find that those little changes have become a big change, a life change.

It all starts with you. You can do it, but you've got to want to do it. My guess is that if you're reading this, then you're already at that stage and are looking for change. The trick is not to try to change it all at once, and to reward yourself even with the smallest of successes. At least that's how I see it. Your mileage may vary.

I'd really love to hear from anyone else who has experienced some successes in moving their life away from the negative and towards the positive. Drop me a line, if you dare. :)

Been a while...

2008-08-17T21:59:00.004-04:00

It seems like forever since I last posted. Guess that happens when your days are full. I'm approaching my fifth month at the new gig and the honeymoon's all but over. I still like it there, mind you, but the little excitement I once had for the job is history. At least I have a job, is how I'm looking at it. All the pluses about it are still pluses, but it sounds like there won't be a raise any time soon. Some people have been there many years without any raise at all. The problem for me is I can't live off what they're paying me. I can make it work for about a year or so, or until I fond something better, but that's it. It's a shame too, since I do like it there--the hours are good and it's close to home. I guess only time will tell.

As for the rest of life, well, it's been a little lame lately. I just haven't been "living," really. Been coasting through the weeks on auto pilot. Here it is Sunday evening, another weekend gone by, and the last person I had a conversation with was my co-worker on Friday afternoon when I left early for the weekend. Other than polite exchanges at the grocery or at a restaurant, I have not spoken to anyone at all. The thing is, it doesn't even seem to bother me.

I'm thinking of taking a night school course this fall, but am worried about how I'll manage it with a full time job and all. I really do need to get into something again, make an effort to make life interesting. Waiting for life to happen gets you nowhere. You get out of it what you're willing to put in. No pain, no gain, as the saying goes. I guess we'll see.

I've got a weeks vacation coming up in September. I'm going to clean my windows. Wow, what an adventure. Maybe I'll write a book about it. I'm also going to do some research on potential employers and get my resume spiffied up. The second last thing I want is to change jobs, but the last thing I want is to lose my house by staying at one that doesn't pay me enough to pay my bills.

My anxiety has been at an all time low. I'm not sure why, to be honest. I think it's combination of not socializing, drinking very little, and eating right. I've also been taking these stress tab vitamins that are probably helping.

I miss blogging, but my time's no longer my own. I can't even make any promises about blogging more, because I'm just not sure about anything anymore.

Anyway, sorry if I'm coming off as a Debby downer; it's my life as I see it, is all. I'll try to write again soon. Next time I'll wait until I have something exciting and uplifting to write about.

Over a month at my new job

2008-05-13T21:29:00.003-04:00

I can't believe it's been over a month at my new job. I have to say, so far it's been a very good experience. I seem to be well liked and respected and I fit in. I've brought forward a handful of useful ideas and my boss says I'm doing great. Talk about a boost to my confidence.

The place is very busy, but that suits me fine. I hate having little to do but watch the clock all day. Here, you blink and it's 10 am, blink again and it's lunch. Next thing you know you're on your way home. I've lost about 7 pounds since I started there, mostly because I'm eating really good during the day. I walk the neighbourhood over my lunch hour, which also helps with the weight. It's also a great way to break up the day.

Anyway, my anxiety is at an all time low. The owner of the company wants me to visit a potential new client in the near future to see about doing work for them. I'm not even afraid one bit.

It's nice to feel like I've finally found something that's working out. I only wish the money was a bit better. I think that's going to change, though. They know I'm worth more to them and I hope they are smart enough to pay me accordingly.

I miss posting, but I just don't have much time for it any more. Hope everyone's been doing well.