Mrs Woman

Diamonds are made under great pressure

2009-03-11T21:13:00.005Z

Reads a thought-provoking bit of art near the neuro wards in a specialist regional hospital 70 miles away. It's a place I've spent a lot of time for the last four, nearly five weeks, visiting Mr W who's been ill with what emerged as a brain tumour and some unexpected complications .

Once he got to a stage where the photophobia, acute pain and high temperature were controlled, the doctors there interpreted the scans pretty quickly to come up with a diagnosis of 'intra ventricular space occupying lesion'. The op to remedy this went well, so much so on the day Mr W was amazingly coherent, chatty & cheeky whilst high as a kite on the anaesthetic. If there can be scarier times than wondering if your other half will successfully get through brain surgery, they kicked in the morning after he was discharged and started leaking cerebro spinal fluid - 'brain juice' - from his op site wound. A few hours later, after already visiting his GP and A&E as instructed, he became seriously ill again so ended up going back into the neuro wing for another couple of weeks.

So now he's home - again. Because of what happened last time he was discharged, I'm slighty cautious of relaxing fully. So far anyway. Everyday since he was first admitted to our local general hospital I'd set up daily measures & contingencies, some of which are still in evidence with notes left for family and friends, weird 'grab & go' food in the cupboards, pet arrangements. I'll put them away tomorrow. Maybe.

Meanwhile, my other half has a very impressive scar on his head, reminiscent of a shark bite according to one observer. The other thing that's evident with him is a changed outlook. Something about valuing whatever life throws at you for good or not so good, a more spiritual appreciation maybe. Not particularly from a religious point of view, just a tangible air of 'wake up and smell the coffee' before your particular espresso machine gives up the ghost. Even I can feel that wake-up fix: It feels like I've been sleepwalking for years and all of a sudden I've had a much-needed, good, dry slap. Just like a real bitch slap, there was a slight stunned feeling, then slow realisation of what's to be learned from the experience.

There's nothing like a crisis to really make you realise how many people you have in your life, what they mean to you and conversely, what you mean to them. And for all those people, even ones who I hardly know yet have been so kind, I'm really grateful you're there.

The Answer My Friend...

2009-01-28T22:49:00.005Z

It's only a few months since President Obama's lot implored, "Change we need". Yodaesque grammar aside, it feels like a highly astute call on the transitions everyone in the Western world has been dealing with since. So the UK Recession's now as bad as 1940's levels? Nah, surely not. 'Only Fools and Horses' Uncle Albert would have many more character-building stories about adversity "when we was in the war-wah", I'm sure.

After the last decade or two's deification of global commerce, it's such a surreal experience to see industries flounder and so many household name companies fail. It sounds cruel to note, but the calibre of retail companies affected were hanging on by a slowly unravelling thread anyway. It's easy to point the finger at Woolies as they've been dying on their backside for years, while poor Zavvi never really had a chance against the online giants, at least since Branson flogged Virgin Megastores. There are others who probably couldn't have limped on for longer... Maybe - just maybe - this culling of retail deadwood leads the way for a truly radical review of how we spend our lives, time and money, both as individuals and a societal level.

On a much lesser level of radical rambling, today The Cooperative tapped into this slam-the-global-corps zeitgeist by announcing Dylan's "Blowing in the Wind" as their new advertising anthem. Despite the fuss, it's not the first time the gravelly troubadour has got involved with flogging units. Here's a slightly grubby ad for Victoria's Secret no less.

I'll steer clear from Blackadder jokes, but maybe Alastair Darling ought to build morale by doing a Subterranean Homesick Blues tribute for the masses on YouTube:

"Thinking about the government
The man in the trench coat
Badge out, laid off
Says he's got a bad cough
Wants to get it paid off
Look out kid
Its somethin' you did
God knows when
But you're doin it again."

MiTunes Meme

2009-01-13T22:17:00.002Z

Name your top 10 most played bands on iTunes:

Elbow
Keane
The Smiths
Radiohead
David Bowie
The Flaming Lips
Elvis Presley
Cherry Ghost
Coldplay
Lloyd Cole and the Commotions

What was the first song you ever heard by 6 (The Flaming Lips)?

'Race For The Prize' from The Soft Bulletin. Totally blew me away.

What is your favorite album of 2 (Keane)?

"Hopes and Fears", their debut.

What is your favorite lyric that 5 (David Bowie) has sung?

"But the film is a saddening bore / for she's lived it ten times or more / she could spit in the eyes of fools ..."

How many times have you seen 4 (Radiohead) live?

Never, though it'd be great to see how they'd play live.

What is your favorite song by 7 (Elvis Presley)?

"If I Can Dream"

What is a good memory you have involving the music of 10 (Lloyd Cole and the Commotions) ?

It's a very old memory, but I used to travel down to North Wales every other weekend to see my then student boyfriend. I'd pack a well-used Walkman and healthy stash of cassettes, including Rattlesnakes, Easy Pieces and some compilations. That whole period in life seemed to be about finding independence on all levels and roaming round rail networks and gazing, mesmerised by Cole's velveteen voice, out of huge picture windows at ever-changing landscapes epitomised it pretty well. I still can't listen to Lloyd Cole without visualising hurtling through Cheshire greenery, while filled with that thrill of shortly seeing the one you love.

Is there a song of 3 (The Smiths) that makes you sad?

"Back To The Old House" reminds me of leaving our second year student house, shared with six brilliant, wonderful mates. I was completely inseparable from three of them for before and after and even now catch up sporadically.

What is your favorite lyric that 2 has sung?

From "Everybody's Changing": "I try to stay awake and remember my name / But everybody's changing / And I don't feel the same."

How did you get into 3 ?

I was still at school at the time and was into listening to John Peel, so heard one of their early sessions. That brief dalliance grew very quickly into sworn everlasting devotion to Morissey, Marr, Rourke & Joyce thanks to an old muso mate who I used to talk to most nights. Most of our conversations revolved around indie music, so The Smiths very quickly became a shared obsession.

What was the first song you heard by 1 (Elbow)?
"Any Day Now". My other half bought their debut album, "Asleep in the Back" back in 2001 and I remember hearing the first track off it during a run out in his knackered old car.

What is your favorite song by 4 (Radiohead)?
Can't decide between"No Surprises" or "Knives Out", so both.

How many times have you seen 9 (Coldplay) live?
Just the once during the X&Y tour at the Reebok Stadium, Bolton. Morning Runner and The Doves were supporting.

What is a good memory you have involving 2?
"Hopes and Fears" carries lots of good memories: Discovering new friendships, hugely positive life changes and two amazing Keane gigs, including an unforgettable one in Las Vegas!

Is there a song of 8 (Cherry Ghost) that makes you sad?

"People Help The People" has some melancholy associations due to lots of work crap going on at the time which directly affected the whole team.

What is your favorite album of 5?
"Hunky Dory". Pure, classic Thin White Duke throughout.

What is your favorite lyric that 3 has sung?
So many, but, "Two icy-cold hands conducting the way / It's the Eskimo blood in my veins / Amid concrete and clay / And general decay" just about nabs it in the 4-bar excerpt stakes.

What is your favorite song of 1 (Elbow)?
Ask me another day and you'd get a different answer. Today it's "Scattered Black and Whites", but "Fugitive Motel" would be my single Desert Island Disc.

What is your favorite song of 10 (Lloyd Cole and the Commotions)?
Probably "Are You Ready To Be Heartbroken?", though I love pretty much their whole back catalogue. Heartbroken's opening riff is just gorgeous, almost lo-fi in its simplicity while the lush picking sets it apart.

How many times have you seen 8 live?
Never, but again I'd like to. I'm waiting for the next album so would go then.

What is your favorite album of 1?

Tough call here, as they all have equal strengths and it just depends what mood I'm in. Right now it would have to be "Cast of Thousands" .

What is a great memory you have related to 9?

An obvious gig one. Not sure it's great as in 'wonderful', but it is funny: As mentioned before, we watched Coldplay at the Reebok about 3 years ago and got fairly near the front. Unfortunately, we were stuck near a group of plummy young twunts who didn't appear to be fans at all, judging by the hurl of hardcore abuse directed towards Chris Martin. The twunts were generally dishing out verbally and physical grief to other folk in a 10-deep radius. Despite most of us batting it right back, they were so seemingly out of it, any attenpts at retaliation just didn't sink in. About 30 minutes later, some benevolently jaded snack buyer indicated his displeasure at Top Twunt by successfully lobbing a half-eaten meat and potato pie onto chief Twunt's 'Toploader' lead-singer like hair. After we all cheered in triumph, he sloped off with his toady mates pretty quickly.

What was the first song you heard by 8?
"Mathematics".

What is your favorite cover by 2 ?

They did a mean version of Elton John's "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road". Tom Chaplain's voice really lends itself to highly-emotive, heartfelt material.

Photo Finish

2009-01-09T19:19:00.015Z

For someone who loves messing with gadgets, I'm rubbish at doing anything with my mobile photos. During the Christmas clear out, I found some pictures from - ahem - July, then got a chance to fill up the card over New Year: The digital equivalent of using the last of your holiday 35mm on the cats.

From summer's Steam Gathering, here's the luvverly olde worlde funfair. It has everything from a Old Penny arcade with loads of ball bearing bagatelles, vintage Waltzers, Big Wheel and even a Wall of Death, which incidentally is nowt like Alan Davies' vision with loads of mice running round a bucket ; )

This is Laal Bear who was working at her stall that weekend. Check out the lacework shawl behind her.

Core to the Steam Gathering is it's huge collection of classic vehicles. Here's just a few to please surf dudes and hippy dippy chicks:

A beautiful Vee Dub splitty with an immaculate recon job.

This is the best dashboard drumming ever seen:

There's more quirky vehicular kicks to be had on Flickr, including a caffeined-up Smart car and its 1960s predecessor.

And finally, Esther, we saw Hank Hill's Missus on New Year's Day.

All together now: "Pro-pane!!!"

Last Chance T'Moon

2009-01-09T19:08:00.006Z

The old adage, "If Event X happens, I'll show my arse in Woolies' window" had its swan song with a flourish here just over a week ago.

Realising it would be their last chance to deliver on failed verbal bets, some badass set up a photo opportunity to outshine anything the local rag could come up with, assuming* they would've had the balls to do it:

Cost of a 99-year old High Street institution going out of business: £Thousands.
Cost of a good scrub, freshly ironed pants and a nice black top: £1.46

Unashamedly shocking passers-by with your pale, pimply backside: Priceless.

*The operative word here

Happy New 2009

2008-12-31T23:53:00.002Z

There isn't much left of 2008, so I wish you a very Happy, healthy & downright brilliant 2009.

Mrs Woman x

Festive Fifteen

2008-12-28T16:32:00.005Z

Like thousands of fans still mourning his passing, I really miss John Peel's affable, shambolic nature and intuitive good taste. While 'Margrave of the Marshes' sits with cracked spine on the shelf and 'The Olivetti Chronicles' barely unwrapped, what little vinyl I've hung onto looks like a slimmed down 'best of' the bands who appeared on his sessions. Even my MySpace page sported a 'Peel is God' badge for ages, until its image link got taken down.

In a similarly blasphemous vein, this intermittent obsession surfaced again on Christmas Day during Dr Robert Beckford's 'Decoding The Nativity'. As you would imagine, it included interviews with various befrocked ecumenical types, including Dr Richard Chartres, Bishop Of London with his spooky resemblance to Peel:

Photoshop-free doppelgangers aside, one of the most iconic pieces of John Peel history has to be his Festive Fifty. If you've never come across this annual treat, the idea was that Peel would invite listeners to nominate their three favourite tracks of the year, which he would distil into a chart of the most popular half-hundred.

By way of half-hearted tribute, here's fifteen loosely indie favourites which unlike the real chart include some 2007 tracks which only registered with me this year. OK, here's the note excusing my tardiness Sir...

15. I Will Possess Your Heart - Death Cab For Cutie, 'Narrow Stairs'
14. That's Not My Name - Ting Tings, 'We Started Nothing'
13. Last Po' Man - Seasick Steve, 'Dog House Music'
12. The Age of the Understatement - The Last Shadow Puppets, 'The Age of the Understatement'
11. Chasing Pavements - Adele, '19'
10. Ladies of the World - Flight of the Conchords, 'Flight of the Conchords'
9. Thou Shalt Always Kill (De La Soul Remix) - Dan Le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip, original version on 'Angles'
8. Gideon - My Morning Jacket, 'Z'
7. Ali in the Jungle - The Hours, 'Narcissus Road'
6. Some Riot - Elbow, 'The Seldom Seen Kid'
5. Time to Pretend - MGMT, 'Oracular Spectacular'
4. Is There a Ghost - Band of Horses, 'Cease To Begin'
3. Going To A Town - Rufus Wainwright, 'Release The Stars'
2. Galaxy of the Lost - Lightspeed Champion, 'Falling Off The Lavender Bridge'
1. Mykonos - Fleet Foxes , 'Sun Giant EP'

And What Have You Done?

2008-12-28T14:07:00.008Z

Ugh. Don't you hate those post-modern portmanteau words like 'Twixmas'? Rubbish name or not, here we are in that hungover no-man's land between long-anticipated, soon-dissipated Christmas and the forced repentance and/or revelling of New Year.

Despite sounding like a mardy old cow, it's been a good Christmas here, one that Goldilocks would be happy with: Yunno, not too much X, not too little of Y, so it's worked out just right. Hope yours was too. Very quickly, we've somehow done all the necessary social stuff with parents, straggler family members and friends. After yesterday's two wildly contrasting parties - think wacky warehouse-at-home kidsville, then depraved, drunken shenanigans in a wonderful vintage den of iniquity - we now get to curl up in carb-induced stupor, augmented by time-shifted TV, radio and 'tinternet delights. If that sounds tempting, there's still room on the sofa, no questions or social niceties asked.

What else did I do? I enjoyed spinning up some of LimeGreenJelly's roving

and carried on reading Stuart Maconie's 'Pies and Prejudice', which Mr W swiped off me mid-read last year. As a kid I'd devour books in hours while these days I struggle and pick at paperbacks with the enthusiasm of a macrobiotic monk at McDonalds. Julian Clary's "A Young Man's Passage" recently helped regain shreds of the reading mojo, so maybe 11-year old literary habits will kick in again soon, uncanny and unnatural as they were.

As much as I hate social pressure to do anything en masse, the forces of New Year reflection have relentlessly worked their way into those remaining brain cells. It's been a long time since the day job has been right, so after a decision that amounts to an economically defiant 'f*ck it!', big changes are finally in progress. One side benefit is already materialising as simpler living, something that's been hard to stick to these last few years without a big kick up the arse. Ah yes, discipline. I'd love to be disciplined, but sometimes I just can't be bothered... ; )

Mostly 'armless

2008-12-27T00:15:00.003Z

'Tis still the season to get off yer 'ead as pubs here are still doing good trade over the Christmas period, credit crunch or not. Here's what may be a cautionary tale from Auntie Beeb's NE News:

A Tyneside taxi firm is seeking the owner of an abandoned false arm.

The prosthetic limb was discovered by a Noda Taxi driver when he checked the back of his cab after a late-night shift on Friday.

Keith Gallon said at first he could not believe his eyes when he saw the arm and hand lying on the floor.

The company, which operates from Newcastle Central Station, said it had not been able to identify the owner, and appealed for information.

Contracts manager Jimmy Blake said: "We found all manner or things in the back of our cabs over the years.

"We've even had people leave their children in the back seat but this one was completely new to us.

"We're pretty used to having legless people in our cabs, but not armless."

Stone Love

2008-12-26T20:32:00.011Z

After the tradition and hedonistic heights of Christmas Day, Boxing Day can be anything from a time of protected, peaceful recovery to store sale chaos. For me, December 26th has added significance as it was ten years ago today Mr W and I officially got together as a couple. Hardly a whirlwind romance, we'd actually met two years before and gradually spent time together for months as muso mates, but there you go.

Back on Boxing Day 1998, our first 'date' was a trip up the Wycham Valley to see Swinside Stone Circle, otherwise known as Sunken Kirk. W had just got hold of Julian Cope's Modern Antiquarian so a walk up to some ancient rocks guided by an old rock star sounded much better than an afternoon of football on telly.

Fast forward a decade: To mark the occasion we made our way up again to the 56-strong circle up on Thwaites Fell.

Swinside is noted as one of the most complete British circles in existence, featuring an entrance marked by two pairs of stones about six feet apart. It's such a calming experience to step inside the circle and ponder its purpose. Someone had assembled a kind of shrine in the centre with stray stones and wool from the sheep grazing feet away, while other folk had left more modern offerings such as a chocolate football. I guess they didn't think on to bring a Creme Egg which should be in the shops about now.

We Wish You a LOL Christmas

2008-12-26T20:23:00.002Z

Season's Greetings and all good wishes for 2009 from Oop North . Just to prove you can't celebrate without the whole household getting involved in the festivities, here's some amateur LOLcat goodness.

I'm Coming To Get You!

2008-10-25T15:55:00.005+01:00

Big Brother used to be must-see TV in our house for years until the rot took hold. Questionable abuse of telephone voting, blatant abandon of the supposed zero tolerance towards abusive housemate behaviour when it suited viewing figures and the whole Jade debacle pretty much killed off any enjoyment value from this genre-defining programme.

On one level BB's fall from grace felt vaguely analogous to dumping a significant other who'd long become a lost cause, then going on to miss their family. While I don't miss the programme one iota, both me and Mr W used to post on some of the BB forums, particularly Mrs Lovely's. Bring on the well-observed, subversive discussions and wicked Photoshop jokes. It was the online equivalent of occupying the Horseferry Road bars beloved of C4 luvvies, only to take the piss out of them on their own ratings-savvy terms. The absence of 'teh crap teen posts 11111!!!!!' didn't hurt either. If any of the BigBro2050 crowd are reading this, a big hearty hello folks.

So when the first teaser trails for Charlie Brooker's "Dead Set" screened, my post-modern 'meeja tart' heart leapt with joy. Brooker has to be one of the most astute TV critics and journos around, with an unrestrained acerbic wit that makes lemon juice look like golden syrup. His love-hate relationship with reality television goes a little further than the average media insider as he's a director of Zeppotron, a subsidiary production company of the very same Endemol who create Big Brother for real.

Dead Set's premise is based on typical Big Brother dynamics with an unexpected twist beyond anything Endemol producers would dream up, which - frankly - would have to be pretty outlandish: House mates anticipate leaving their insular world on eviction night as expected, only to be thrust out into a London where zombie armageddon has created an inescapable wave of pure horror. Even Davina McCall gets caught up in the chaos. At least the blood and gore won't show up on her usual wardrobe of black, black and black...

Brooker's love for zombie flicks has been combined with what's become the most derided format on TV in a bizarre genre-crossing idea worthy of the Grauniad's "Pitchers" strip and it all kicks off on E4, Monday 27th October at 10pm. Can't wait.

iBall

2008-10-24T22:35:00.013+01:00

It's almost thirty years ago when Citizens' Band radio first took off round here as an exciting, slightly illegal way to make new friends. Of course, today's equivalent of internet chat rooms didn't exist back then, but when you'd spoken enough times to a previously complete stranger on the CB to actually want to brave meeting them face-to-face, that slightly scary process was known as 'going on an eyeball'.

Fast forward to today's abundance of web forums on all manner of themes and you have countless ready-made communities of like-minded folk who chat away online day-in, day-out. Sadly, it's a slightly more paranoid world we inhabit these days when it comes to meeting kindred spirits in the flesh, but it can still be a real buzz to connect real, live people to handles or usernames. Instead of the restricted, very local radio range associated with Citizens' Band 'eyeballs', the act of meeting people you've come across online generally requires a bit more travel and so adds that extra level of enjoyment.

Thursday and Friday had us taking time off to trog down to Manchester with two different eyeballs included in the plans. First up, we were off to see Elbow again , this time at The Apollo, with a pre-gig meet arranged with six other 'Elbow Room Only' forum folks. In the end, we only caught up with MagicalTrevor and Mrs MT in that favourite pub amongst musos, the Apsley Cottage next door, partly because we and the MTs had no idea what everyone else looked like!

After a couple of rounds, we all went through and watched the concert from near to the sound desk. I'd never seen sound engineers and lighting directors at work during a gig before: Being a audio and video geek, I was fascinated by what they were using and doing, but not enough to distract from the performance itself.

This leg of the Elbow tour is nearing it's end and the sound was superb, possibly the best I've ever heard at a gig. A Radio 6 video documenting their tour setup explains that Elbow use a digital desk for their live work, so their sound gets better with every performance.

While it's hard to pick out favourite numbers, banter highlights include when their Mercury Prize winning status was mentioned. Trying to make a point about only Manchester having the musical kudos to bring home the gong twice, Guy asks the audience how many cities there are in Britain. The answer being "One!" Definitely a case of 'So good to be back home again...'

Sharing their celebration of what has been an amazing few months since the release of "The Seldom Seen Kid", the band got everyone in party mood during One Day Like This with a streamer cannon and a huge balloon net.

Next morning after breakfast and checkout from one of Travelodge's £19 advance specials, we made our way over to Stockport Art Gallery for eyeball no 2. A couple of months back, I got a request via Flickr from Mark who wanted to use some of my location photos for their Life On Mars exhibition, which I was thrilled about.

The power of sharing your work online for all the world to see really hits home when you get someone wanting to use it in theirs: I've only ever had a travel guide ask permission for one of my West Coast USA holiday snaps, so being a big fan of LOM, this was quite a thrill. We'd planned to go see the exhibition anyway, but Mark mentioned that when we do visit we should ask at the desk if he was in that day to say hello.

The exhibition has been on since August, ending on 1st November and is only a DCI's leap away from Stopford House, the MBC council building used as iconic police station on the show. Understandably, the exhibition has been a favourite topic at the "Railway Arms" forum, where fans have shared photos and ideas for development. One such suggestion was to add in a location guide, which is where my pics were used. Celebr8, the arts organisation who created the exhibition, have combined early 70's memorabilia with actual production stills courtesy of Kudos, creators of the programme. Stockport's own art students also contributed an installation, depicting key cultural images from the era with video which evokes themes from the show. Even the new US remake gets a nod, while the Visitor's Memory Book - covered in 70's wallpaper, nice touch - includes an approving comment from Claire Parker, Producer of 'Life On Mars' itself who visited a couple of weeks ago.

We went a bit beserk taking pictures of the set pieces, panels and many canvases, some of which were life-size, but afterwards had a good natter with Mark who shared little gems such as the wallpaper they'd managed to locate at great expense was the same as that used by Kudos for Sam's bedsit. Mark also said how Claire Parker was a really sweet lady, genuinely pleasant and pleased at the how the displays had worked so well. As a very kind gesture Mark gave me given three mint, flat posters advertising the exhibition, so I'll be hunting down some frames for those to take pride of place near the DVDs.

Now that we're back home, sat watching the rain with a cuppa, things feel very mundane. In the words of the Manc Lion himself, I think I'll go detect us a nice packet of Garibaldis.

Little Scratches

2008-10-07T12:45:00.005+01:00

Our town bus service isn't bad, but after impatiently bombing off what seemed like too long a wait, I walked up a back street short cut to be met with this thought-provoking little graffito:

"Your TV is slowly making you mute"- except the word 'mute' was actually the little symbol you see on TV remotes. Fair comment mate, with 10/10 for contextual wit.

They do have a point: Apart from all the research evidence on alpha brain waves induced by watching telly supporting that statement, output from the Square God hasn't really done much to increase social trends to speak out and challenge the status quo, even on an individual level. Probably quite the opposite, with ITV1 as a prime candidate.

Not long back, a knowledgeable workmate relayed that these days instead of cooking, more and more people just watch the sexy food programmes only to then nuke a ready meal for their tea. Sadly, it feels like this trend also applies to current affairs and 'big issue' documentaries.

Thinking on the lack of socially conscious messages, I got a sudden pang of nostalgia for the great and good graffiti which used to - um - 'adorn' our town. We used to have such gems as "Maggie Thatcher, the job snatcher" protesting about that demented employment & milk thief. Predictably enough, our mostly Labour council never bothered to remove it for years, so the slogan could still be seen well into Blair's first term. Various other pithy examples of satirical - or just plain funny - wordplay existed without interference too, as if the place silently approved and took them on board as part of its identity. But no more.

We don't tend to see much of the more contemporary 'urban artists' spray-can ghetto thing here either. Maybe there's not enough bold, artistic teenagers left with the inclination. All I can say, in the words of the old kids programme, is switch off your TV and go do something less passive instead.

Economical Incorrectness

2008-10-04T13:08:00.010+01:00

The new 3P iPhone

In these credit-crunched times, a bit of stoic humour is infinitely preferable to fretting about 'leccy bills and the prospect of living off Value custard creams and pasta twirls forever more. Here's a few of the better jokes doing the rounds:

Is it any wonder our economy's in such a mess when 5 out of 3 people cannot understand fractions?

I hear that the credit crunch is even affecting fairgrounds. My friend's a dodgems operator and he lost his job this morning. He's suing for funfair dismissal.

I was at a Halifax cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.

Bumper sticker seen in the City: My other Porsche is for sale.

Overheard at Canary Wharf: What’s the difference between a Lehman’s trader and a pigeon? A pigeon can still leave a deposit on a Ferrari.

I have an uncle down at Wall Street. He used to have a corner on the market. Now he has a market on the corner.

Following concern with Lehman's, HBOS and Bradford & Bingley, economic uncertainty has now hit Japanese banks: In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank are soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank are reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'
'Go away,' I said. 'I haven't got any money. I'm broke!' and proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.
'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.'
I stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a bloody good appetite; they cut off my electricity this morning.'

Due to the credit crunch I'm now shopping at cheaper supermarkets.
Have you tried the new Korean meat balls from Lidl?
I tell you they're the dogs' bollox.

Tri Pod

2008-10-01T22:39:00.006+01:00

There's a definite sting in the tail to being an early implementer, especially if you're one who can't run to upgrading your latest gizmo every 5 minutes. Everyone can appreciate the giggle-ability of an old photo depicting 80's yuppie clutching a Motorola breeze block, but these days you can get a similar reaction from bringing out a Nokia 3310 - even in polite company.

Four years ago I succumbed to Steve Jobs' pocket-sized white revolution and shelled out nearly £300 for a used third generation iPod from eBay. It didn't take long for Mr W, another music obsessive, to lust after one, so a few months later I got him a new 4th Gen for his 40th. Kind of numerically apt, I suppose.

I think of my now ancient 3G like a beloved great-aunt: Not brilliant on her feet, totally unfashionable in certain ways, but great company none the less. Mine's had the usual battery transplant, but otherwise served me pretty well until a few months back. After some minor recurrent hiccups and the odd restore nightmare, I finally realised poor 'auntie' Pod's number was coming up when I use it to record notes at a meeting . Cue much embarrassment when a trendy manager laughed how he 'used to have one of those', after which the damn thing crashed right on cue. Hmm.

Last year's iPhone launch tempted me into an Apple Store while we were on holiday in the 'States, but uncertainty about networks, contracts and a paltry 8gig memory just wasn't enough to make the switch. The recent 3G version with a roomier 16gig is better, but isn't a great replacement for a 40gigger, even if it is a brick. Like Goldilocks, the third option was just right so I now own a 32gig iPod Touch. Fantastic!

If you're in any way geeky, I heartily recommend one, especially from Amazon as they've got a great deal on at the moment. Forget the sophisticated delights of adding 'just' video to iPod, with a Touch you've pretty much got a whole laptop's worth of computer fun and functionality in your hand. Now, if I can spot some free wifi hotspots in my usual hangouts, my nirvana will be complete!

Mercury Rising

2008-09-18T21:25:00.008+01:00

It's gratifying to come back from holiday and find that the most deserving nominee has bagged the Mercury Music Prize for once.

Probably the most amiable blokes in British music, Elbow were first nominated eight years ago for their debut album, "Asleep in the Back". Walking away with the gong at last week's ceremony has, at long last, helped to catapult them into wider public awareness after being one of indie's best-kept secrets.

Elbow's fans are already speculating on the future effects of mainstream recognition. With another album mooted for release in the next 12-18 months, lead singer Guy Garvey has already announced it will present a more 'rocky, bluesy' side of the band.

As their core remit, Mercury Prize panelists are tasked to seek out the most diverse and innovative in British music with a broad choice of nominees from across the genres. 'Token folkies' stand alongside hip-hop artists, together with less contrasting elements of the contemporary continuum. This aptly-named Mercurial accolade has also attracted criticism on occasion: Some quarters have questioned the criteria used to select winners, accusing the panel of opting for style over artistic substance. Elbow needn't worry about such snipes, with 18 years' experience of being in the business, their sound has consistently delivered rich, mature sounds to the listener.

Can't Get Used To Losing You

2008-08-31T23:08:00.005+01:00

It's Sunday night and I'm so relieved to say goodbye to the week as it's been a sad, synchronous meditation on endings.

Firstly, the planned ending: After weeks of waiting for all the red-tape to settle, my lovely friend and room-mate at work, M finally left her job on Friday to work in Preston. She'd not had much choice but to find a new job, as her boss hadn't included her in this year's restructure. We do allegedly work for a caring organisation, but tangible evidence becomes scarcer as time goes on. Friday was M's last day and she wanted a low-key exit, despite the protestations of traditionalist types who get rattled by anything which isn't the regulation meal out. In the end, we had a lunchtime Jacob's Join with womenfolk rattling on about cleaning in the nude and elephant's feet cream cakes. I've lost a great colleague but gained a true friend as we've talked about anything and everything during the last seven years. The only thing that takes the sting of missing her is the planned teatime catchups and daft emails to come.

Next came the ending with a strongly-hinted twist-in-the-tail. Hmm. Can't say a lot about this, save to say there was a sudden, acute breakdown in our close circle of friends recently. It's been sadly compounded by some outlandish rumours which were either confirmed very publicly this week, or were at least coloured by some extremely poor judgement by the friend concerned. You know who you are and if you're reading this, I would like to get the reality of the situation straight as the last time we spoke you said nothing. If the whole thing is 100% how it appears, it saddens me that you either couldn't bear to tell the truth, or are simply not bothered about those who had the balls to say they cared. The whole sorry matter seems to illustrate how the same life choices can turn out so differently according to the reasons why we make them.

The shock ending. This week saw the funeral of a popular friend, who died much too young. The service was very moving, especially with so many visitors who had made the effort to attend. More sad stories emerged as the day went on including one about a undeclared secret joy, but that's best dealt with by support and sympathy to the person who's left. And as for you mate, rest in peace. You'd have enjoyed the Challenge Cup; it was a good game.

In contrary to this short, sharp bottleneck of woe, I wish you all a good week ahead. Take care out there.

Gigs We Have Loved

2008-07-09T12:36:00.007+01:00

Sometimes certain topics keep coming up, no matter who you speak to: A meme in the true cultural influence sense, if you will. One recurrent theme of late has been the passion experienced when seeing bands live, quite possibly prompted by festival season being in full swing. In the interests of adding to the thousands of trivial lists out there in cyberspace, here's twelve of my all-time favourite gigs in no particular order:

The Flaming Lips, Empress Ballroom, Blackpool November 2006
Oklahoma's finest are the best party band in the world. Fact. Not only that, but Wayne Coyne is the perfect ringmaster to the most entertaining psychedelic shindig you'll ever have the chance of enjoying, so I heartily recommend them to anyone. Even if you've never heard them before, you'll love them like blood brothers by the end of the night. On the cold, windy night we saw them in Blackpool, they were fascinated by the bleakness of such a dreary off-season resort which also just happened to possess the world's largest mirrorball. Very typical of them to appreciate such a juxtaposition.

The Cure, "Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me" tour, Birmingham NEC Dec 1987
My first big gig as a student. It was difficult to see friends and other members of the audience as so many wore regulation black that night! Robert Smith was still at the height of his highly-animated pomp and the band delivered a set worthy of Goth 1.0 Heaven. Just Like Heaven in fact...

Del Amitri at Edwards No 8, Birmingham 1988
Memorable as one of the smallest, most intimate gigs I'd ever been to. Del Amitri's first album was only just out, so the glorified pub that was Edwards bagged itself an early booking coup. Beloved mates and fellow music-obsessives Sarah & Arlene came along, so we perched at the very front like expectant little songbirds. I don't care what you say about Scottish folk rock, Justin Currie has a great voice and is particularly easy on the eye especially when he's singing right at you.

Moby, 'Hotel' tour, Hard Rock Hotel, Las Vegas, 2005
You know those advertised arena concert trips to Europe which cost a fortune? While there's no doubt many devoted fans will go anywhere for their favourite artists, I've never been on any of those. They seem so... hardcore and extravagant, I suppose. On the flip side, when Mr W was organising our wild week's holiday to the city of Lost Wages a few years ago, he'd spotted two gigs there within the same week. Moby was one of those.

The Hard Rock Hotel is a very cool place to go, as it's reputedly a bona fide hangout for celebs. The downside to this is that being the 'States, we wouldn't necessarily have recognised any home-grown rising stars even if they were in that night. Why am I telling you this? Well, bearing in mind I was doing as much of a killah rock-chick impression as my wardrobe and baggage allowance would permit, I got my picture taken by some woman while washing my hands in the Ladies' lav. Totally dumbstruck with surprise, I walked out puzzled and dazed before I even thought to ask who she thought I was. To this day, I still have no idea who may have a vague, unfortunate resemblance to my pasty Northern fizzog.

Anyway, Moby performed a stunning set, with so many hits and underground anthems accented by an excellent light show. The venue isn't huge - maybe a bit smaller than Manchester Apollo - and despite other's criticism of Moby's music being 'sterile' it was full to bursting with an unmistakably energetic atmosphere.

Prince "LoveSexy" tour 1989
Unlike Bill Oddie, I'm only a casual fan of Symbol, or the Artist, or whatever he's calling himself these days. Nevertheless, when the leg-end announced a date in Brum, I was there. As you can imagine, Prince's show is very much about the spectacle, the experience. For instance, rather than being focused at the front, the circular stage was right in the middle, very much an 'in-the-round' type of setup. At the start of the fun, The Tiny One descended from the rafters and emerged out of a classic white limo. Understated, eh? His female entourage sans Sheena Easton was in attendance too, with lots of startling costume changes while he pranced about to the delight of the audience, me included. #Gonna party like it's 1989...#

10,000 Maniacs, Birmingham Uni Student Union Bar 1987
Again, the magic of a tiny gig where you're so up-close and personal you can almost see the artist's epiglottis can't be beat. This was a night dominated by the ethereal beauty of Natalie Merchant's voice. Memory fails slightly, but it must have been to promote 'In My Tribe' which stands up well after all these years. That night, there were many girls in long skirts and lads in long coats swaying along in appreciation, albeit slightly drunkenly.

Keane 'Hopes and Fears' tour, House of Blues, Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas, 2005
The second of the US holiday gigs. On the night we saw them, it was Keane's second or third ever American date and were still somewhat anxious to please the transatlantic punters. That 'Break America!' challenge was still very much ahead of them, at some earlier point before America nearly broke the band. God knows what the first dates were like, but their night at the House of Blues was genuinely a triumph, thanks in part to the hordes of fellow British holidaymakers who'd also scored tickets. We'd only got balcony seats, which didn't matter as the venue was again on the small side and the whole of our tier seemed to be loud 'n' proud word-perfect all the way through. Union Jacks and Saltaires aloft, Tom Chaplain exclaimed at one point during Everybody's Changing, "I can't f****ng hear myself sing over you lot".

REM 'Green' tour, 1988
An indie version of the Stones, REM are something of a rock institution and despite disappointing later albums, they do a fantastic live show. That said about the later dross, 'Accelerate' is pretty good, but it hasn't tempted me to see them this year only because it's a similar set up to the last time we saw them in 2005. The 'Monster' tour in 1995-6 was worth the trip too.

1988's Green tour was the first time they made it to these shores, and in retrospect they were probably at their height of their creative drive before Warner got their hooks in. Every time I see a stacking metal chair, I get an image of Michael Stipe hitting it with a stick... Disturbing memories aside, they're not in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame for nowt.

Yazoo at the Palace Theatre, Manchester 1982
Included purely for nostalgic reasons as it was my first ever concert. I was a sweet and tender hooligan of 14 years old and with a longish, late journey back my Mam insisted on going as well, so it wasn't quite as rock 'n' roll - or synth pop 'n' crackle? - as I would have liked. Still, the incredible thrill of being a gig-virgin no more worked its magic for months. Funny enough, Alison Moyet & Vince Clarke have not long been on tour together again, their first time in over 25 years.

Elbow, 'The Seldom Seen Kid' tour, Delamere Forest June 2008
OK, I've only just posted about this here, but it deserves a place after too many missed opportunities to see this until recently much-underrated band. Way back, Mr W bought the first release of 'Asleep in the Back', even before the title track was on it - no idea, don't ask - so I've been happily indoctrinated by his good taste ever since. Take it as read I love their snapshots of life set to the most moving music, but they all seem like such great blokes to boot, the sort who would actually have a crack with you in the pub should you ever stumble upon their watering hole of choice. Gentleman Guy Garvey especially. For any eclectic music fans reading this, his Radio 6 show is essential listening.

Peter Gabriel, "So" tour, Birmingham NEC 1986
This was just on the cusp of 'Big Time' (!) commercial success in his own right, after a high profile career in Genesis and subsequent but niche solo acclaim. Gabriel is pretty unique as a live artist, and has always been an innovator. His superb voice makes numbers like 'San Jacinto' and 'Here Come The Flood' even more moving live than on record. However, a bit like the rest of Genesis, it's well documented that he can't dance. God bless you mate.

Last but not least...

Amnesty Festival, Milton Keynes Bowl June 1988
My first festival, with The Stranglers, Joe Strummer, The Damned, Michelle Shocked, Big Audio Dynamite, Aztec Camera, Aswad and Billy Bragg (I think) amongst others. You can't beat a good festival, especially when it's in a good cause, a dry field and not too vast. One other memorable part about this weekend was, on arrival at the railway station Sarah and I got lost in the faceless suburban landscape that is Milton Keynes. I've no idea if it still is a bit spooky like that, but after an inordinately long time spent wandering carbon-copy streets, we had to get a taxi to rescue us. Luckily, the music healed any traces of trauma ; )

Five Thingies

2008-06-25T08:46:00.002+01:00

It's Wednesday and I'm on a day off: Gr-eeeeaaaat, as Tony the Tiger would say. Time to catch up online. Jo has tagged me with the 5 Things meme, so here we go.

The Rules: Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

1. What I was doing 10 years ago:

I was working as ...I so wanted to say "a waitress in a cocktail bar", but that would be untrue. (I did have three jobs on the go at an earlier point, with one as barmaid in a dodgy 'niteclub' but that doesn't count here). At that time, I was a Deputy Manager in an ace health food & supplements store, while my evenings were taken up by practicing and playing for the covers band I was in. It was a bit of an odd mix of music, a bit of indie (my choices), blues, rock, country and topped off with a poppy chart number. Eeesh.

2. What 5 things are on on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):

Upload some row counters, stitch markers and whatever else is left to Etsy
Make further progress on sock No 2 of Crusoe
Post a packet
Ring the dentist to ask about my enamel rubbing away: Underbite effects, yuk.
Practice this month's choice of covers on geeetar, just for fun - pop pickers.

3. Snacks I enjoy:

Salty pretzels
Soft licorice
Anything with white chocolate (Sorry Paul; cue the 'white is not real chocolate' debate)
'Millionaire' Caramel shortbreads
Reece's peanut butter cups

4. Things I would do if I was a billionaire:

Open a funky, friendly coffee and craft shop, with Stitch & Bitch meetings on weekday evenings and bands playing at the weekends. There'd be a free pamper room and therapist available for stressed out friends and family. We'd offer yummy fresh homemade cakes 'n' bakes with the best coffee in town. Oh yeah, and nice teas and pop too.

Bank roll an animal rescue sanctuary

Sort out family and friends' finances to give them security for the rest of their lives

Go to Japan and do the Jonathan Ross Tokyophile thing. That or the Beatrix Kiddo samurai trainee scheme. Can you get an NVQ for that, I wonder?

Promote some deserving bands from a small but perfectly formed, chic city centre office in Manchester.

5. Places I have lived:

Birmingham City Centre
Clapham
Barrow-in-Furness
Bournville (not the posh bit!)
Edgbaston
Oldbury
Carlisle

So, I tag La'al Bear, Grumblemag, Wrenmeister (get that blog going, *nag*), CraigIKL, Elena12 and CheckMyInevitables if you're up for it.

In other news, I might not be able to get up to Woolfest on Saturday. Boo. Mr W has been asked to fill in on an urgent worky thing, so might not have the day off to chauffeur us up there. It'll take me forever to get their by bus or train, so it looks like it's gonna have to be next year. Hopefully I'll get some supplies from Ursula at the Steam Gathering in the meantime.

In other actual news, I heard some content from the day job go out on telly this morning which made for some amusement. It's not the first time it's gone out, but I'm not normally about to hear or see the results. Arf.

Mantraluna!

2008-06-19T06:53:00.005+01:00

Saturday saw us trogging down to Cheshire, to see Elbow at Delamare Forest. Neither of us had been to a forest gig before so there was a bit more circumspection than usual about what to wear and take with us.
Friday's fuel strike was very evident from the drive down the motorway, judging from the exceptionally light traffic. That said, it was great not getting into any snarls and being able to go with the very smooth flow.

We arrived just after gates opened at 6, and parked up in the huge car park. To anyone thinking of going to other Delamere gigs, do! They're very well organised on site and the stewarding was superb both in and out of the venue, so I'd definitely recommend it as a great, well-managed venue.

The concert area reminded me of a mini MK Bowl, with a great natural(?) amphitheatre which held 5,500 on the night. Bearing in mind the original headliner for this date was James Morrison who cancelled, the place seemed pretty well full.

Manc favourites I Am Kloot were supporting, and went down very well. Elbow's Guy Garvey shared vocals with mate Johnny Bramwell on their last number. After the break, when we spotted Pete (Elbow's bass player) meeting some mates & fans, the main act kicked off with "Starlings" with a two-piece string section and the band 'playing' trumpets.

Richard Hawley guested - as per the new album - on "The Fix", and looked the epitome of cool as someone else mentioned: "Look in the dictionary for a definition of 'cool' and there'll be a pic of Richard Hawley". There's a minute of it here.

All in all, it's was a really good night. There were many highlights, not least a proposal relayed by Northern Romantic Guy "to Helen from David". Guy asked everyone to be quiet and 'pay attention' while he asked for Helen to identify herself. A predictable 'I'm Spartacus' routine ensued for a bit, but eventually the lady concerned accepted the proposal and the crowd roared in approval. Guy also asked the crowd to do something a little bizarre, but in the interests of keeping it an in-joke (see YouTube for the craic) I won't say any more apart from it was almost a full moon. In fact you could 'read by the moon' but sadly they didn't do 'Fugitive Motel' or 'Powder Blue', but did do many other favourites and the whole new album.

It was really heartening to see how happy Guy, Craig, Mark, Peter and Richard were to be playing so close to home, especially the day before Fathers Day. We were stood quite near the performers' access gate so saw partners and small people to-ing and fro-ing, no doubt looking forward to 'seeing daddy play'. It must have been a welcome chance to touch base midway through the world tour. It certainly blew apart the 'Northern miserablist' label they sometimes get pinned with.

Elbow are doing a double appearance at Glastonbury this year so for those few(wer than usual) who are going, you're in for a very special treat.

May the 4th be with You

2008-05-04T22:15:00.006+01:00

On behalf of all the other old sods remembering their star-wars-struck childhood memories watching Blue Harvest on Beeb 3, have a happy May 4th - or what's left of it!

Keep Calm and Carry On

2008-05-04T20:22:00.015+01:00

Some good advice spotted in a Manchester shop window. It's been six weeks or so since my last post, so this will be a combined round-up and catch-up - hopefully without sounding like a virtual rodeo...

Overall, it's been a weird time thanks to a visit to the Neuro in early March, whose advice I purposely didn't start to implement since after Easter when there wasn't as much going on. He decided I wasn't holding up on the first lot of AEDs (meds), so started me on another drug as well (Keppra).

On the flip side, there's been a fair bit going on worthy of mention. Starting off with the more subdued end of the spectrum, my 40th was celebrated in fairly quiet style, with the exception of some ace cards and a funky cake. Can't have a birthday without one!

On the day after Mr W & I went to Manchester for some window shopping and a treat meal at Wagamama which was great fun. We had a nosey in Selfridge's too, with a peek at their Yo! Sushi bar:

A day later, workmate M & rellie P took me for lunch at M's local foodie pub which was a nice, relaxing break. M surprised me with a giant box which turned out to be filled with helium balloons, including one which played 'Wild Thing' when you hit it!

Birthday celebrations continued with a lovely fibre surprise from Ursula; some blueface Leicester fibre and Kool-Aid sachets. Thanks U! It didn't take me long to spin it up and now have an ace multi-coloured crocheted scarf as well as some left over handspun which I don't quite know what to use on just yet.

Suffice to say, it's been tucked away with the other hand-dyed wools for special use. Possibly a special bag to felt or a groovy hat of some kind.

My beautiful Lendrum wheel has been put through its paces, as I've been using it a lot throughout. While I've already spun up all the fibre I can lay my hands on, I've mainly been doing a ton of plying as it was a long overdue task to put together the many weird stash yarns into something much more knittable. Hand on heart, I think I've actually managed to finish the job, combining everything that was 'odd' into something much more interesting: See the pic of what's left after some keen try-out knitting up.

Etsy has yielded some surprises too. Sales from my shop have been growing gently and I've experimented with trading with three very creative folks. Jen traded some fun and beautiful goodies from her two shops, dvrdown.etsy.com and jennleejewelry.etsy.com, while Amber swapped for some of her excellent bags from bendawndavis.etsy.com and Mai-ling of alphaomega.etsy.com traded one of her hand-painted wristlet purses for some of my work. Thanks to all three!

Once things steady out somewhat with my daily routine, I'll be listing on Etsy more regularly, with more knitting accessories and woolly finished objects for sale.

M threw two ace parties over the last few weeks too, one of which was a surprise do for her Dad's 60th birthday. I was asked to be official photographer of the moment when he realised he's been dragged in under false but fun pretenses, and got a cracking snap but it's on her camera.

Talking of cameras, Mr W dragged me out the house yesterday and chauffeured us round Manchester and Stockport. Why? Well, if you're into 'Life on Mars', you might well appreciate what iamian, RAMC181 and the good folks at The Railway Arms have done in identifying locations from the show. To see where we went, clicky here to see the pics on Flickr.

The Not-Long-Enough Good Friday

2008-03-21T13:46:00.005Z

I heart Easter weekend big-time: You don't need an excuse to indulge in a near-fatal degree of chocaholism, Nature starts to urgently burst forth like a muscly, bare-chested Fireman and it's the first of many Bank Holidays that exhort you to take official quality time off.

Even though I'm on holiday this week anyway, I've actually been pretty busy with all manner of gratifying but needful tasks, in particular selling on eBay like a woman (dis-)possessed. All the nail extension kit must go as 'false nails' - as my Mam would say - have been a complete non-starter unlike the facials, waxing, manicures & pedicures which are still on offer. And I need to free up space to accommodate wool stash and craft addiction apparatus before an intervention by Environmental Health.

So today is a proper day off with no work of any kind. While Mr W catches up on "Zooper-Lee-aggue" on telly, I've had Radio 2's Mark Radcliffe and Lisa Tarbuck providing generation-appropriate anthems like Lloyd Cole's "Perfect Skin" and Keane's "Somewhere Only We Know" while I stuff my fizzog with Hot Cross buns and ovoid shaped, vegetable fat-filled delights.

W's demob-happy state last night triggered this orgy of indulgence, when home cooking was spurned in favour of a fish & chip supper treat once seasonal chocolate had been delivered to rellies and mates. When idle channel-hopping turned up the Grey's Anatomy season 3 premiere on five, I was doubleplus happy. The new series was supposedly turning up in February but finally it's here. Ahhhhhh... Hello M by the way, my SIL hospital-drama pusher.

Still on the theme of telly delights, "Ashes To Ashes" has grown into a favourite despite initial misgivings. Like other viewers, I wasn't sure about openly trotting out the same premise once more, which inevitably dispenses with any vestiges of the surreal mystique which made "Life On Mars" unmissable, but the writers have made up for that with crisp development of established characters and yet another cracking soundtrack. Who cares if it panders to the thirty-and forty-somethings remembering their youth? Jumping on a bandwagon somewhat slower than his beloved Quattro, I've finally joined the ranks of women like workmate Mel and succumbed to the chauvinist charms of Manc Lion Gene Hunt. How can you fail to fall with lines like "You are surrounded by armed ba*****ds! and "I'm his DCI, not his bloody Akela!".

And finally Esther, just a quick gratuitous plug for my Mad March Hare Etsy sale. From Monday 24th March, there's 40% off 40 items in my shop for a week so swing by, grab a bargain and if you mention the blog on a 'conversation' (Etsy message), I'll chuck in a freebie too.

Wheely Good

2008-03-15T10:03:00.005Z

The lovely Lendrum DT arrived late on Thursday, so that evening and the whole of yesterday developed into one long, blissful learn-to-spin-on-a-wheel session.

Let me introduce you to the newly dubbed 'Wheel of Justice': All together now - "# Spin, Spin, Spin the Wheel of Justice, see how fast the b*****d turns...#"

Please excuse the crappy photography; I'm just getting used to my new phone, a bargain £60 Sony Ericcson from Tesco to replace my geriatric 4 or 5 year old Nokia 3650. Shame, it was a great phone but just won't hold a charge despite two replacement batteries.

Anyway, the wheel comes with a 3-bobbin lazy kate with tensioner which is a string & hook arrangement; nicely simple but it works, plus the jumbo plying head and fast flyer. I'd got the complete package - the wheel deal (groan) - with as I've loads of fine weight yarn due to sock obsession, some of which would be much better plied up. The Lendrum was ordered from P & M Woolcraft and they'd kindly put in a selection of practice roving to play with in a mix of bright colours without having to worry about ordering some separately or ruining expensive stuff.

Like the Lendrum Saxony, its traditional sister model, The Wheel of Justice is made from finished Canadian maple and feels very sturdy. The bearings are very smooth so everything moves very quietly. When swapping to the jumbo head for bulky yarn or larger-capacity plying you need to change the drive band for a larger version, but this is easier than it sounds. Simply slot out the circlip securing the footman (drive batten attached to the wheel itself), slide out the drive cable and replace with the larger band, then slot back that circlip. Other users keep the larger band on according to various forum posts so that's something to bear in mind.

Due to not knowing anyone local with a wheel, I'd never actually had a go on one before hence all the ponderous trawling of reviews and asking online spin friends for info. When the wheel arrived there was a bit of head scratching to suss out the scotch tension so that the bobbin would simultaneously rotate and take up the yarn evenly with a decent amount of twist but this was sorted out by Thursday bedtime.

The basics sussed, yesterday turned into a road test for the fast flyer with its higher ratio whorls:

Here's a bobbin full of plied up pink cotton, very light linen in green, a white & red lace weight and a slubby space dyed tencel, a good strong colourful yarn which will probably end up as a bag.

After lots of practice plying to get used to adjusting everything and learning the difference between ratios, I finally had a crack at spinning some roving. A few times I lost the end of the fibre with treadling too fast, so there was some repeated rethreading to do. Ne'er mind, it helped me understand what I was doing wrong. After a few more adjustments, I ended up with this strange mix:
As you can see there's a lot of variance between the fine stuff and what's getting on for bulky weight so that's an obvious area for improvement: I'm really looking forward to learning how to draft and spin at consistent rate like the experienced folk out there in Rav land. Meanwhile my short term mission is to get enough hand spun to make a keepsake scarf, the fibre equivalent of infant school kids making their first gaudy coloured clay bowl.

It's great having the wheel now so I can get some serious practice during the break, alongside planned de-junking and knitting activities, all of which are in the words of Judge Nutmeg himself, "Always a pleasure, never a chore".