zynfandel

my deep thought of the day

2009-10-21T19:27:00.002+08:00

Me: there's a whole group of women like that
I: very reflective
I: spiritual
Me: reflective to the point of self-absorption
Me: it's like a mirror
Me: wow i feel like i just said something really deep
I: i think its the result of not having much (or any) sex

the problem with facebook

2009-10-15T18:07:00.000+08:00

is that when you want to gloat about something that involves someone else who is your friend on Facebook, you can't. So you have to do it here!

poor car.

2009-10-09T16:01:00.002+08:00

I banged my car today. :( And of course it had to be my dad's car, rather than my own car, because life is like that. Then again if it had been my own car I probably wouldn't have banged it because it's so nice and compact and has no problem taking tight corners.

But I've realised there really can be a bright spot in everything, even the banging of a car. Because of this incident, I now have the contact for a nice car workshop, which is an essential Emergency Number. And I didn't sit down and cry for half an hour, which is what happened the last (and, confusingly enough, first) time I banged my car. So I guess that means I am stouter of heart now, and more apt to blame the carpark pillar than to blame myself. Also two accidents in four years of driving is not so bad, I comfort myself.

Maybe I'm just in a good mood cos the weekend is here and I can finally try to bake my fruit cake and chocolate orange cake! Yay!

i have never questioned love

2009-09-17T11:22:00.003+08:00

Shamelessly stolen from Rachel, who borrowed it from Captain Corelli's Mandolin:

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

wishb

2009-07-30T22:58:00.004+08:00

People have been expressing concern over my last blog post and while I am grateful for their comforting words, it occurs to me that perhaps I should clarify what I meant.

I know that weddings can't be perfect and that the marriage is what really matters. The previous post had nothing to do with that at all. I was simply expressing frustration that people whom I paid to do things were not doing them well, and I hate that. Ordinarily I would just cut my losses and find someone else to do what I wanted, but the wedding deadline makes that impossible, and so this frustration is wedding-related. It doesn't actually mean that I'm unhappy with how the wedding is going. It just means that, as usual, I have to watch as people do things that I could have done better myself. Apart from, of course, my patient boyfriend and eminently capable bridesmaids.

Other than that, wedding prep is going marvellously - thank you to everyone who asked - and we'll see you next Saturday! :)

naming and shaming

2009-07-29T15:46:00.006+08:00

With nine days to go before the wedding, I am so stressed I am sick. These are the people responsible.

1. Bridal Veil by Michelle Huimin

From start to finish whatever positive experiences I've had with them have been overshadowed by feelings of disappointment. The first sketches they gave me for a wedding dress were clearly unimaginative standard drawings that they churn out for every bride, and everything I wanted to change about the drawings would have cost more money. In the end, after a lot of back and forth-ing, I found a dress that I could be happy with. Of course this dress will be replicated ad nauseum for other brides; I've already seen one version. By the time I got round to designing the evening dress I was so worn out I just went with one of their usual designs. I'm planning to wear it for an hour at most. It's plain boring. In order to make it more interesting I agreed to have a longer train, which makes me a sucker for paying an extra $500. This is my biggest single wedding regret.

Not just that, but the make-up artist they assigned to me is lousy as well. She did horrible make-up for me at the trial, which I didn't realise until I hired Liren Neo to do my photoshoot make-up and the difference was so significant I was prepared to pay her an extra $1k so she could replace my (free) Bridal Veil make-up artist. And when I called the Bridal Veil make-up artist to find out when she could come down on the actual day (why do I have to call HER??) it turns out she can only make it 45 minutes before my day's programme starts, because she has ANOTHER bride to do before that. So I either settle for 7.45am and rush the make-up by 8.30, or I have to start at 6.15am. WTF.

Screw Bridal Veil. Nothing but headaches. I tried to complain about them in the Singaporebrides thread but my post was removed because the spineless moderators said it was defamatory. It wasn't. Screw them too.

2. My Mandarin Collar

Worst cheongsam experience ever. This one actually really did come the day before my photoshoot - at 9pm, to boot. It was too loose. No time to alter. Ruined my photos. Also, they screwed up the first version and wanted to charge me for that in addition to the final dress. I hate them.

3. Angelique Boutique at Centrepoint

Ordered my bridesmaids' dresses from here. Not a single one fit on the first try. I've had to go down practically every weekend for the last month and a half just to keep altering and refitting the dresses. But so far I haven't found a single place that makes good bridesmaids' dresses.

People who have made my life easier:

1. Lynn from MySummerScents

The florist decorating my solemnisation venue. She's very nice, and so are her photos. Quick responses and generally efficient demeanour. We'll see.

2. Ng Sen from Marina Mandarin

Absolutely awesome woman. Perhaps the only person I have met in my life who is as super-admin as me.

3. Pretty girl with short hair from ExpressPrint in Chinatown

Did a great job on the solemnisation invites, one of the biggest highlights of the wedding for me.

4. Esther from The Card Room

Also did a great job on the tea ceremony invites, plus threw in these gorgeous shiny thick envelopes for the cards.

5. Helen from Kentrich Printing

Super job on the dinner invitation inserts with next-day completion. Love them.

5. Ted Collection

They are designing a cheongsam for me, which, from what I have seen so far, is set to be my favourite dress out of the bunch. Still, it's only nine days left and I haven't seen the finished product yet. Potential for disaster: 50%.

6. Hun Leng from Raffles Town Club

Efficient and thorough. So far my tea ceremony is likely to be the smoothest event of the day.

Okay that's it for now. But this list is sure to be updated soon.

why this show rocks

2009-06-04T00:50:00.002+08:00

Kitty: (sleepy) Why do all you gay people work out so early?

Kevin: (indignant) "All you gay people"?? *pause* Because after 6 all the treadmills in front of the mirror are gone.

recession schmession

2009-05-23T10:58:00.002+08:00

On Monday, in a tortured fit of curiosity and self-flagellation, I put our new condo up for sale on a property website with an asking price of $30K more than what we paid for it (to cover our costs and make a small profit). I didn't expect much response, but over the next few days the calls kept coming in - although most asked for a discount. But this morning someone matched our asking price (within a week!), so we started looking around for a new apartment to see whether it made sense to sell this one.

And I was really taken aback to find that in the two months or so that I haven't been looking at the classified ads, property prices have gone up again! In our particular condo development, a unit on the #1x floor (I love these property agent tactics) is going for MORE than the price we paid for our condo on the #3x floor! I told our potential buyer that our asking price has gone up and they matched it again - but now I dowan to sell already.

Also our car is now selling at $10K more than what we bought it for three months ago. What is wrong with these people? We're in a recession! They are nuts!

on shoes

2009-05-21T17:54:00.002+08:00

Me: I can't decide between the Louboutin and the Manolo leh

Unnamed friend: every girl deserves a louboutin

Me: every girl also deserves a manolo
i must say i'm not v fond of jimmy choo
not v nice the designs

Unnamed friend: oh please choos are so SATC first 3 seasons

Me: lol

Unnamed friend: blog that !

Me: that is a very long "so"
okok

Unnamed friend: no no
j to the k

Me: you have these really cute phrases all the time
learn from mtv ah

Unnamed friend: some say mtv
some say gep control group in express
...
its whats motivates me to think harder
short dick = buy ferrari, short height = be aggressive, fail gep test = try and be the funniest man in the room

interesting observation of the day

2009-05-18T18:04:00.002+08:00

Facebook shows 7 of my "friends" having birthdays this week - I've never seen so many listed in a single week. But none of them are people I would send birthday messages to. This leads me to the conclusion that I don't really like people who have birthdays in the middle of May. I always knew there was something to horoscopes!

are wentworth miller and luke macfarlane dating??

2009-05-15T22:00:00.004+08:00

OMG I think my heart just exploded with squeeeeeeeeee!!

my favourite thing at bedtime

2009-05-10T02:04:00.002+08:00

is to go to sleep in the middle of a book. I try to avoid finishing a book right before I sleep, because then I don't have that delicious feeling of saving some book for the next day when I wake up. The downers will say all good things must come to an end, but I like the idea that some stories will never be over. If you can sleep every night completely at peace with no ties to the world, there's less reason to wake up again the next morning. Or maybe I have that the other way around - if you have no more loose story ends to tie up, you can die anytime without worry.

But a worry-free life? What fun would that be? :)

cheongsam chores

2009-05-07T16:40:00.003+08:00

I think it all boils down to me being too greedy.

See, I really want a nice cheongsam for my wedding. I was going to wear it at the tea ceremonies at my house and Shiyao's in the morning, so I thought I would get something breezy and light and knee-length so I could show my legs (heehee). So I designed my own and got a shop here to make it. But they screwed it up with the wrong fabric (appears to be a miscommunication) and a weird design at the back (because they said my original instruction was undoable). And now I'm trying to decide whether I should just settle for it or get a new one made, which would cost anything from $500 to $1200 more.

And also my own requirements have changed. Now I'm thinking, maybe I should have made a full-length one so I can wear it at night also, during the goodbye reception. I saw a gorgeous full-length cheongsam at a shop the other day and I can't stop thinking about it. But having to change outfits a second time during dinner (I already have one change: wedding gown for first half and evening gown for second half) means I will have less time to mingle, and if I get all sweaty wearing the cheongsam during the tea ceremony I don't really think I want to re-wear it at dinner anyway.

So now I'm trying to see if the original cheongsam I made is salvageable, in which case I will just wear that for tea and not wear a cheongsam during dinner and try to forget the beautiful full-length cheongsam that flirted with me. But if it turns out that I can't save my first cheongsam, then I can make another one. Which would be too late for my photoshoot at the end of this month anyway.

Sigh I knew it. Plan so far ahead, still got screwup at the end one.

avoiding home has its benefits

2009-05-05T00:05:00.002+08:00

It started off as a crap day - I woke up feeling sick and was late for work, and the moment I turned on my laptop it died on me. When I went to see the doctor I had to wait for half an hour, and then the receptionist let the guy who came after me go in first, which made me so pissed off I walked out. Lunch was a crappy rushed affair of takeaway duck noodles because I had a facial appointment. And although the facial was not too bad, I forgot to pay for the "ampoule" and have to go back on Wednesday to do so. Wrote two forgettable stories and was given a 8.30am assignment in town tomorrow - the worst kind.

But then I had a couple of interesting conversations and a good genuine talk with a colleague during dinner that made me feel strangely sad but happy at the same time. I had time to spare before meeting Shiyao at 11, so I dropped by the Coffee Bean near his house to have tea and read my book. And as I opened the door to the al fresco seating area, tray in hand, Philip was on the other side, and I laughed at the sheer ridiculous coincidence of it all. Later Dom, who had been having dinner across the road, came by.

The little moments that make you feel alive.

happy

2009-05-02T01:19:00.003+08:00

There are a lot of things in this world I have to be thankful for, but primary among all of them are, I think, my friends. I've been told, repeatedly by people who believe they have "better" friends, that my friendships are not as strong or as real as theirs. But time and time again I realise how wonderful my friends are, both as friends and as people, and how lucky I am to have them.

On open-mindedness

2009-04-24T22:11:00.002+08:00

People say being open-minded is a good thing. But they also say you should have values. So how do you reconcile having fixed standpoints on certain issues while saying you're not closed off to all other alternatives?

For a while, but especially recently, I've been struggling a lot with this. And my conclusion, decided only about two hours ago, is that you can only be as open-minded as your intrinsic values allow you to be. At this point I'm sure some people will say there's no such thing - or at least there shouldn't be such a thing - as "intrinsic" values. Individual experience creates some values, society dictates the rest. So values are only as universal as the majority decides at that time.

But I believe that individual values are formed at a relatively young age, say during your teenage years, and that they don't change much after that, barring extenuating circumstances such as a sudden traumatic episode. So you can try to convince yourself to be as truly open-minded as possible, but the scope of that possibility has already been determined fairly early on. By "open-minded" I mean being able to understand, accept, AND adopt the views in question. For instance, if you are "open-minded" about other people having an abortion, but you wouldn't do it yourself; if you are tolerant of polygamy, but you would never enter into a polygamous relationship - that's not "true" open-mindedness by my (deliberately narrow) definition.

The sort of open-mindedness that allows you to let other people have their own views while staying convinced of your own is a compromised open-mindedness, which is what most of us live with. And I think that in order to really feel comfortable with and get close to someone, they have to have a similar version of open-mindedness as you. Having to explain why you hold certain immutable values - pro-choice, pro-gay, pro-monogamy - is healthy, but feeling forced to always justify them to someone who really doesn't understand because he or she doesn't have that value (and, often, doesn't want to) is just too draining to be beneficial in any way.

on writing columns

2009-04-06T19:53:00.003+08:00

When I started writing my column last year, I had no idea what sort of columnist I would be. Of course I hoped I would be a good one, but more than that, I wondered if I would acquire a persona, a character, an alter ego. It's probably still too early to say, but I think the one constant feature I try to put into every piece is humour.

This often makes me come across very flippant. To some extent I think this reflects myself in real life. Very few things in life are so important to me that I take them ultra-seriously and can't see any humour in them at all. In everything else there is wit; tragedy and comedy, after all, are two sides of the same coin.

But with each column that is published, I realise that everything I treat with levity is someone else's deadly serious topic. People are always keen to "put me right" and "set me straight". And despite my best efforts to keep my ego in check, this rankles. The thought that a reader has missed my point and yet condescends to reeducate me is irritating to no end.

Of course there is also the possibility that I'm not as hilarious as I think I am - just because I make myself laugh doesn't mean everyone will feel the same way.

Fortunately (for my ego), for every hate mail I get, I usually receive on average 1.5 fan mails. This means that there are still more people out there who have a sense of humour than otherwise. And I think that is the one thing I've really learned from writing this column - not to take anything for granted. There are lots of intelligent people in the world, and some of them read what I write! And then they write back, and have something else interesting to say!

I realise this entire entry is rather cocky to begin with, building on the assumption that most of the other people in the world are less smart than me. Perhaps I will write a column about that and get more hate mail than fan mail. But in the meantime, the little spark of joy I get every time someone articulate writes in to say they enjoy what I write is probably the closest thing to true happiness I've ever experienced in my life.

blue sky holiday

2009-03-31T20:32:00.002+08:00

The only thing worse than having a bad day is having no one to drink with at the end of it.

Lately I've been having a lot of bad days. I don't know if I've gotten more impatient or everyone has gotten stupider, but I keep losing my temper, especially at work. This morning I shot off an angry email to a copyed who changed my story after I left the office yesterday, and then at night I yelled at an incompetent PR.

Life is getting too stressful. I just need to be alone.

poem rhyme-off

2009-03-05T16:26:00.004+08:00

One of my earliest memories of Shiyao is of him frantically trying to finish writing enough poems in JC1 to submit to some creative arts programme. Chief among those was a poem about milk bottles, which neither of us can remember clearly now but to which we always refer fondly. Today we attempted to recreate the poem in our respective styles (Shiyao: angsty moralism, me: cheap superficiality).

Shiyao:
milk bottle, milk bottle
how i want to throttle
you slim white neck
before i throw you back
and gulp down calcium
that was not in my nestum
but when you are dead and broken
and long forsaken
you still bare your barbs for all
especially those who on you fall
so remember this, people:
a broken milk bottle is still lethal.

Me:
bottle, bottle, full of milk
your liquid goes down smooth as silk
but as a drink you lack some cheer
i should have bought a bottle of beer.

wedding stuff

2009-02-16T23:21:00.002+08:00

Perhaps I'm becoming bridezilla but I find that I don't really have anyone to obsess about my wedding with these days. My mum is still throwing fits over the no church thing, my fiance is, well, a guy, and my bridesmaids are all busier than me.

So I have decided that you, my probably-can-count-on-one-hand blog readers, will have to suffer.

First up: colour theme!!! This is a real headache. On the one hand I would love to have white and red, since it's national day and all, and it's striking, and the hotel has a lovely dramatic red theme. That also means I can have my dream bouquet of dark red roses and carnations or - *cross fingers* - calla lilies. But then it seems not very original, and also maybe a tad overkill to have so much of such a strong colour everywhere.

So then I was thinking white and a lighter colour. Orange, maybe? Yaoyao does like orange and it's quite unique. But orange is a hard colour to pull off for my poor bridesmaids, who will all have to wear orange dresses. Blue would be dreamy but Yaoyao doesn't like blue and apparently every bride and her mother goes for blue. Maybe yellow, it's bright and cheery and easier to handle in general. But imagining a yellow bouquet is very... *non-committal so-so noise*. Then there's Heffalump Purple, which can double with pink, and that could be quite cute. Hmmmm.

Ok colour aside, there's catering to consider. As the programme currently stands, albeit wobbling on shaky legs, we have to hold two wedding lunches-cum-tea-ceremonies, one at Yaoyao's place and one at mine. I'd love to get a caterer that has wedding-themed packages but the minimum is usually 100 people and we don't have that many guests for lunch. Yaoyao is dead set on a cheap caterer with a budget of $6 per head. Sigh. I suppose at a fairly reasonable $1k each lunch this is not really worth agonising over though.

Then there's photos. I don't think we can do table shots for all 40 tables, but then I feel like our guests will feel a bit cheated that there's no concrete product to take away from the wedding. Our hired photographer will probably focus on capturing "moments" and maybe we can squeeze in table shots if we're very very efficient. I wonder if our photographer will mind or if we should get a friend to take table shots - how hard can they be? Lol.

Aiyah I go think about this while I level to 80.

Feedback form to 91.3 FM

2009-02-04T00:21:00.002+08:00

Hi,

I was listening to Hutch's programme on my way home just now, at about 11.30pm, and I was appalled at his on-air manner. When I first tuned in I heard him call a listener (I think his name was Brian) to chew him out about some feedback that Brian had given on Hutch cutting songs short. Brian said it showed disrespect for the singer. But Hutch told Brian that if Brian ever cuts off his songs halfway on his personal iTunes, then it's "hypocritical" to tell Hutch not to do the same. But there is one big difference: Hutch is on air. This is a public playlist. I absolutely agree that it is disrespectful to the singer to cut off the songs halfway. No other DJ I have heard does this as abruptly as Hutch does; the best DJs, in fact, know exactly when to blend the end of the song into another song or some conversation. This is something worth learning.

The other thing I take issue with is Hutch's attitude towards callers - it's downright offensive. Calls are answered with a brusque "Hello?" without so much as a "You're on 91.3 FM." Obviously the caller will venture another "Hello?", at which point it would be nice to say "Yes, you're on air" rather than reply with another obnoxious and obtuse "Hello?"

After enough "Hello?"s have been said, the rest of the exchange (it would be heresy to call such rude interaction a conversation) is punctuated on Hutch's end with curt and snippy syllables: "Ok", "Ok", "Yeah", "Cool".

I heard one caller ask "Can I dedicate a song?" - clearly a polite prelude to the actual dedication - only to receive the scoffing answer "Of course you can, man, it's a dedication show." Surely there is no need to be so sarcastic.

I'm writing in because I like the songs on 91.3FM, and I think it would be a waste if the listening experience was ruined by rude DJs. I hope something can be done about this.

keeping it real

2009-02-02T00:04:00.002+08:00

Judging from my last entry, it's safe to say that while I agonise over crafting my columns coherently and compellingly, I have no such compunctions when it comes to my blog.

Still, one must make the effort, if only for posterity and that certain self-loving kick that comes from reading old entries.

I had an unglam day today. Woke up early to play frisbee with xh at East Coast, then we presented our sweaty stinky selves at 1 Twenty Six for brunch. The food wasn't bad, although my favourite brunch place remains Tin Hill at Sixth Avenue, if only for the memories. And it really is quite hard to finish off four fat slices of french toast, even if they're fairly tasty. If I ever open a brunch place, my menu will offer half-servings of everything so people can pick and choose. Who really eats a mound of pancakes for breakfast without eyeing their friend's grilled sausages covetously?

While we were there a work contact walked in to the restaurant, all dolled up in designer togs with angmoh bf in tow. She waved at me and I, acutely conscious of my untidy ponytail and cellulite-displaying short denim shorts, waved sheepishly back.

Having set the au naturel tone early, I decided to do without makeup for the rest of the day. (I can't remember the last time I went out in public without makeup, apart from the gym etc, but it's been months.) I drove my dad to the airport for his flight to BKK, then had a happy domestic day shopping for cars and buying dinner home for my family. Despite my naturally high levels of insecurity, I found the anonymity afforded by dowdiness surprisingly liberating. If you don't care how you look at all, it does free you up to care about other things. But there's the obvious trade-off, of course.

PASS

2009-01-28T23:05:00.001+08:00

PASS PASS PASS PASS PASSSSSSSSSSS

unmerry christmas

2008-12-26T03:06:00.003+08:00

The thing that still annoys me the most, after all these years, is that editors assign you something and give you a deadline and after you break your back trying to deliver it on time they either kill the story or push it back. Gotta love this job. I'm going to sleep.

"why i hate geps"

2008-12-24T11:49:00.003+08:00

by P, an "express stream boy with complex"

(On X, a mutual friend):

he has this method of talking
that used to irritate me
he likes to be stark
and surprise people with his comments with a straight face
i dont understand
why they have this notion of being offbeat-ly interesting
as if every conversation is another this is to this then that is to that gep test they have to randomly associate out of
ok la jk jk
dont angry
gep good gep good