A Fresh Breath

Entering Hannah's World Part 2

2009-11-09T08:23:00.004-05:00

Before I continue with Hannah's prayer, I found this song on a friend's facebook page and I think, at least it captures her time of crying out that we looked at in 1 Samuel 1.

I hope it's a blessing for you. It's such a peaceful and desperate song. Good way to end the week, I think. "Have mercy on me please."

Hannah's Prayer (Part 2)

So we walked through the first half the powerful words- worshipping God for who He is, declaring victory in Him, expressing joy.

The Lord kills and brings to life; he brings down to Sheol and raises up. The Lord makes poor and makes rich; he brings low and he exalts. He raises up the poor from the dust; he lifts the needy from the ash heap to make them sit with princes and inherit a seat of honor. For the pillars of the earth are the Lord's, and on them he has set the world.

I clump these three verses together because they all are dealing with the same theme-same character of God- He is completely in control. Life is in His hands, he determines the way things should go in this life. Now, this separate from the first half of this prayer has the potential of seeming emotionless and distant. But remember the joy of Hannah? The joy of seven sons?! The salvation that God provided through opening her womb? This God of ours is deeply intimate, knows what is best for us. Do you think her praise would have been as deep-her relationship as intimate if she was "normal"? Coming from someone who has a couple abnormalities (that's such an ugly word), no...it wouldn't have been. I personally have learned how profound it is that He is our perfection. As in, we do not have the ability to be perfect and in that lack thereof, we have the opportunity to receive HIS gift of perfection that He works in us throughout our lives. The circumstances we have in this life, if we choose to look to the Lord, give us even deeper insight into who He is and thus result in deeper joy. Don't believe me? Check out Lydia's story here: http://lydiaeileen.blogspot.com/.

“He will guard the feet of his faithful ones, but the wicked shall be cut off in darkness, for not by might shall a man prevail. The adversaries of the Lord shall be broken to pieces; against them he will thunder in heaven. The Lord will judge the ends of the earth; he will give strength to his king and exalt the power of his anointed.”

How precious is it that the Lord guards the feet of His children. Again, think of where Hannah was and how true she felt this to be. God has completely restored her and it was HIS work that brought her to this place. "Not by might shall man prevail"- the strength of an enemy, or even the works of the righteous are not what brings victory. No, it is the power of the most High God who lives and reigns. Our God is strong, He is intentional ("he will give strength to his king and exalt the power of the anointed), and he brings life. And, even more so, he defeats those who come against Him. So for those who trust in His name, there is protection in His power. Do you claim it?

The next prayer I'll work through is David's prayer in 2 Samuel 7:18-29. Thank you for being on this journey with me.

-Amy

Entering Hannah's World Part 1

2009-11-05T21:15:00.004-05:00

I had a really sweet time today during my lunch break. I sat by a stream in the middle of campus, ate my pizza and then began reading about a woman by the name of Hannah. For those of you who haven't heard the story, it starts in the first chapter of 1 Samuel. Here's how I would envision her telling us about her story and talking to her God...

Another year has passed and we're here again in Shiloh. My husband is faithful servant of Jehovah. This should be a time of holy worship, of peace and of rejoicing. But each year we come, while my dear Elkanah is making the sacrifices, Peninnah, his second wife chides me about my empty womb. I know it is out of jealousy- I know women well. I see how it angers her when Elkanah bestows upon me double the amount of food and drink. She's cruel, I tell you! I can barely even think about eating when I see her and her children together. I can't bear this pain of not providing my husband with a son. He is so understanding too. He truly loves me. But still, what a dishonor not to be able to offer this gift. Peninnah continues to taunt me. Here come the tears again...

Oh, Lord of hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of my life. He will be yours Lord. I will not allow his hair to be cut, to signify that he is yours.

In the middle of my quiet prayer, the high priest Eli came to me. I must have been moving my mouth while praying. He begins rebuking me for drunkenness. Really? I sigh, and then in earnest sadness explain that it is out of sorrow that I weep and pray. Then, he softens and says, "Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition that you have made to him." I left the temple feeling a sense of peace I had not had in years.

(Some time later...)

What a truly faithful Lord we serve. I say this with utter joy and humility as a hold my son, Samuel in my arms. It is almost time to return to Shiloh, and I have told my husband about the vow I made to the Lord. Tomorrow I will go and present him to Eli. He will be a servant of the Most High God.

It was during that moment that Hannah presented her treasured son to Eli that she began to pray as Eli worshipped the Lord. I posted the prayer in the previous blog and just want to walk through each part of it. This will spill over into another post, as the prayer is 10 verses long. I'll take the first 5 tonight. Before I do though, I want to note that I see a delicate intimacy in Hannah's relationship with God. It's this very private, very valuable. She is a daughter crying out to a father. I just love that image of her silently praying-that connection of intimacy in the midst of pain. I feel like I know that place well.

"My heart exults in the Lord; my strength is exalted in the Lord. My mouth derides my enemies because I rejoice in your salvation."

The exultation and worship-the power in this first bit brings the attention the One who has provided. The strength that she has comes from Him. The second piece- her mouth derides (or scorns) her enemies...because she rejoices in His salvation. He has redeemed her by providing this son. She has found new life in the ability to provide it. And those who oppose her (remember the 2nd wife?) now are shamed because of what He has done in her and through her. That is cause for celebration!

"There is none holy like the Lord; there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God."

This declaration of who He is- I feel like this is missing a lot in my prayers. So often I just come with requests, but part of being in relationship, I think, is verbally acknowledging and celebrating who the person is! And what a way to lavish love and praise on the Lord, but to declare the truth that none is like Him. Amen and amen.

"Talk no more so very proudly, let not arrogance come from your mouth; for the Lord is a God of knowledge and by him actions are weighed."

In other words, "Lord, keep us from arrogance-shut us up in our pride!" This exhortation for us to be silent in our pride-for the Lord is the one that measures our actions and our deeds. How often does pride infiltrate into my relationship with God? He knows all things and judges all things perfectly. She's getting ready to declare what the Lord has done- and she does it in beautiful and eloquent poetry. Do you sense the spirit of strength in her?

"The bows of the mighty are broken, but the feeble bind on strength. Those who were full have hired themselves out for bread, but those who were hungry have ceased to hunger. The barren has borne seven, but she who has many children is forlorn."

Here she specifically addresses what the Lord has done for her and I love the way she does it! Not only has He blessed her with a son, but the joy she has is the same as if she were blessed with seven children! In addition, those who opposed her no longer have the power over her. They are put to shame in seeing what the Lord has done.

I'll continue with part 2 soon, but what we can take from here about prayer...

1. Prayer is intimate. The value of intimacy with the Lord-and knowing that that comes in the knowledge of who He is. We often actually see this in great pain, because that is when we feel need deeper.

2. Prayer is a response. Hannah responded in pain and responded in joy. Both moments, she cried out to God. One was pleading, asking, based on His character. The other was joyfully declaring His character. In addition, the Lord wants for His children to have joy. He provides for that. Not always in the way we understand it or think it should be, but He has made us to rejoice in Him. How incredible that His power brings us joy, thus Him worship.

3. Prayer helps us remember. We must remember who provides the blessing and declare it often. The moment we forget who provided, we lose sight of purpose. And prayer is one of the ways we can continue to remember His works.

Be blessed,

Amy

Prayer: Introduction

2009-11-03T22:03:00.005-05:00

Recently, the topic of prayer has come up quite a bit. Makes me think that God's trying to get my attention on the subject matter. Can't blame Him, can you? "Learn about talking to me." So, hopefully in the next few weeks, I'll have learned more about what it looks like to engage in conversation with the Lord. I've begun reading this book, Life in Christ. Reading this first chapter began this process of thinking about prayer. Lloyd-Jones says this one thing (on p. 16) that really hit me (and at first annoyed me). He says,

"Therefore, (after talking about the truths we know as believers in times of danger) in a situation of difficulty and of crisis, the first thing we must do is to make sure that we have grasped the New Testament teaching. I do not want to be controversial, and I am particularly anxious not to be misunderstood, but if I may put in a phrase, in order to call attention to what I have in mind, I would say that in a situation of crisis, the New Testament does not immediately say 'Let us pray'. It always says first, 'Let us think, let us understand the truth, let us take a firm hold of the doctrine.' Prayer may be quite useless and quite void. The Bible has a great deal to tell us about prayer and as to how it should be made. Prayer is not a simple thing in one sense; it may be very difficult. Prayer is sometimes an excuse for not thinking, an excuse for avoiding a problem or situation."

That last line left me irate when I first read it over. How can prayer be useless and void? But then I began to think about it-for about a week. How often have I made a struggle or issue larger or used prayer as a means for disobedience? When I know that there has been action needed to be taken and I've simply continued to pray about it out of fear? As if to confirm that I needed to pay attention to this, I randomly decided to listen to a sermon from Thaddeus Barnum at Church of the Apostles from July 12 entitled "Yes, Lord I will." In that sermon, he talked about the simplicity of obedience. "I don't have to pray about whether or not I should pay someone under the table, cheating the government," he says, "the Bible SAYS what I need to do."

Now, I want to be careful, thanks to a reminder today. He said, "I would just say, don't hold back because you think, 'oh ... I shouldn't be praying for this.' Look at the Psalms - David prays for plenty of things that he knows are true already. He recognizes his human inability to desire rightly or act rightly, and so he asks God for help. I'm not saying not to listen to what these sermons/books are saying, but do err on the side of complete disclosure to God instead feeling like you need to tip-toe about in your prayer life."

What I'm pretty sure Lloyd-Jones is not saying is that we shouldn't pray when we are worried, sad, just because we know that God is comforter, in control. But what I think he is saying is that we DO have access to the Lord's word and His truth. So rather than getting stuck in this pit of despair and agony, we can open His word to gain guidance-holding fast to truth. This is a very active relationship, I'm realizing.

These next few posts hopefully will include some of what I'm learning about prayer, in the hopes that it will bless and actually serve as a means for accountability for me. I'm going to look at different prayers in Scripture in the hopes of uncovering more about how to talk to this God who loves me. This next post (in the next few days) will take a look at Hannah's prayer. I've posted it below for your convenience. Thanks in advance for your patience with me as I go through this. I am slightly reluctant. But I've learned that reluctance in studying His ways and His truth usually means that that is exactly where I should be.

1 Samuel 2:
And Hannah prayed and said,
“My heart exults in the Lord;
my strength is exalted in the Lord.
My mouth derides my enemies,
because I rejoice in your salvation.
2 “There is none holy like the Lord;
there is none besides you;
there is no rock like our God.
3 Talk no more so very proudly,
let not arrogance come from your mouth;
for the Lord is a God of knowledge,
and by him actions are weighed.
4 The bows of the mighty are broken,
but the feeble bind on strength.
5 Those who were full have hired themselves out for bread,
but those who were hungry have ceased to hunger.
The barren has borne seven,
but she who has many children is forlorn.
6 The Lord kills and brings to life;
he brings down to Sheol and raises up.
7 The Lord makes poor and makes rich;
he brings low and he exalts.
8 He raises up the poor from the dust;
he lifts the needy from the ash heap
to make them sit with princes
and inherit a seat of honor.
For the pillars of the earth are the Lord's,
and on them he has set the world.
9 “He will guard the feet of his faithful ones,
but the wicked shall be cut off in darkness,
for not by might shall a man prevail.
10 The adversaries of the Lord shall be broken to pieces;
against them he will thunder in heaven.
The Lord will judge the ends of the earth;
he will give strength to his king
and exalt the power of his anointed.”

A Song I've Been Searching For

2009-10-13T20:12:00.003-05:00

When I was younger, I used to sit at the piano and play this one part of this song over and over again. I loved it because the music soared, but I didn't know the words. I just knew the concept of the first verse and the bridge. Tonight, by the grace of God, I found all of the words to the song on some random blog. And it came at an incredibly timely moment- a needed reminder of the beauty of His love and how it clings to us. I've included a musical version of it. I pray that you be blessed. Here are the words:

Oh wondrous love that will not let me go–

I cling to you, with all my strength and soul.

Yet if my hope should ever fail

This wondrous love will never let me go . . .

Oh wondrous love that comes to dwell in me–

Lord, who am I that I should come to know

Your tender voice assuring me

Your wondrous love will never let me go.

I rest in you, the everlasting arms, in the ever faithful heart, the shepherd of my life.

You carry me on your mighty wings of grace keeping me until the day I look into your eyes.

Oh wondrous love, oh wondrous love, wondrous love, oh wondrous love . . .

Oh wondrous love that sings of Calvary–

The sweetest song this sinner’s ever known–

The song of your redeeming Son,

Whose wondrous love will never let me go.

Oh wondrous love that rushes over me,

I can’t escape this river’s glorious flow!

You overwhelm my days, oh Lord.

Your wondrous love will never let me go.

Will never let me go . . .

Can Students Help End Global Poverty?

2009-10-06T11:20:00.002-05:00

I received the below question in an email from a colleague and I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. I'll share mine in a later blog post! I'm excited to hear your answers!

Q: Why do we believe that student engagement will hasten the end of poverty? In other words, what is the theory of change or the causal chain of reasoning that links student engagement and the end of poverty?

Working It Through

2009-09-18T21:10:00.003-05:00

It's been about two months since I last wrote in this thing and probably with good reason. I've not had a lot to say that is honest, committed to truth. I could start it off with saying how incredibly full my schedule has been. I'm involved with much and therefore don't have a ton of time to give to spiritual conversation. Or I can say that school just started up again and it's been really difficult readjusting to academic life. I could give a list of reasons. However, I'd prefer to stick with what's true. Because if I'm learning anything, it's that this relationship with God that we seek, if we seek it, is a constant part of our living and breathing. It's not something to "work in", it's the reason we even have the day to work with. So here's honest, no Christianese and I hope it blesses you.

Recently, I've been rebellious to listen to the Lord, to be in His presence, to even attempt to seek Him. And it's pretty ridiculous because my life is absolutely blessed. I was reminded of this today when I read through an update of a family that is hurting right now. They are going through processing the devastating knowledge that they're going to lose their little baby. And their response? "We are blessed..."

There are times that I wake up and realize the extreme amount of "me" and my life that swims through my thoughts. I get so consumed with what's going on in my life, a career choice, a romance potential, a friendship, that I forget the very reason I even have any of those blessings...is HIm. And it's not as if I don't already know Him. I've tasted joy in His presence. There is such clarity and rest found in His will. But time gets busy, I get overwhelmed, or whatever the excuse may be. You see, the truth is that the purpose or reason for any good thing done on this earth is to bring the Creator glory. And when we actively participate in that truth, we receive joy. It's pretty unreal.

I was talking today with a colleague about how systems are perfect and wonderful, until you put people in them. Communism, government, business, the institution of the Church. All examples of imperfect and failing systems. But when does the Church fail least? When do we actually declare God's love and saving mercy found in Christ? I find that it is when we answer Christ's call to get outside ourselves and serve Him and others in thought, word, and deed. When's its less about the grandeur of people's involvement and more about a commitment to excellence in loving, serving, forgiving, extending grace.

So this is me reprimanding myself (don't you love that?). I'm not perfect. I don't claim that ever. I'm not even good on my own. BUT I have access to goodness and life in this God who is good and is Life. This apathetic cycle of ignoring God's voice, not seeking His will, gets old after a while. We start complaining about nothing. It's ugly and heavy. That is not life we've been brought into in our King. We have been brought into such a heart beat that we have the mind to see the widowed and orphaned, the rejected and abused, we hear people asking for deliverance.

I recently wrote a song with those words, and then realized that I forgot something in that song. We (humans) are not the brighter way, but rather those that bring news and reflect the light of The Brightest Way. We, in and of ourselves, aren't purpose, but we bring news of the One who is...and not only that, but He is identity and stability and salvation. We have the power of a voice, a mind, a heart, and action-oriented plans. When wed with the life of Christ, it is then that we begin to solve problems and offer true freedom. And we bring that deliverance...not of ourselves, but the gift of God in the form of education, water filtration systems, microfinance, AIDS relief programs, poverty awareness, and most importantly prayer. Deliverance is found in Christ alone- a simple answer manifested in various ways for a complex and complicated world.

It's easy to get overwhelmed by the issues...how will we ever solve them all? I heard this amazing quote today that I think conveys the answer to that. "Don't tell God how big your storm is. Tell the storm how big your God is." And that telling is in the form of committed and passionate service. We serve a mighty and victorious God- One who is mighty to save.

Here's what I'd like to end with...a victory song from Hillsong:

I see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes

I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing

Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest!

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees

Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest!

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest!

I think this one was a long time coming...He is purpose. For this, we sing.

Delight in Relationship

2009-07-30T11:57:00.002-05:00

"But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere"~ James 3:17

As I've been walking through these past months, I've had the delight of experiencing this relationship with God-truly seeing how he is integrated into every part of our lives. It's easy to categorize, of course, but if I've learned anything this summer, it's that His presence in each "category" of our lives is what makes them beautiful, joyful, and profound. How blessed I have been to see Him in friends, two different areas of work, and new experiences!

My dad asked me if this was the best summer I've had in my life. I don't think I would say that, but I would say that this summer has profoundly impacted my perspective, my knowledge, my network, my understanding, and my passion for what I do. The people I've met, the movements I've joined, contributing to the fight to eradicate poverty, have all deposited a new blessing of wisdom that results in powerful growth. That is the Lord's hand in all of this. Seeing Him in a very real, awe-inspiring role in each area of my life. I think this is what they mean when they say to make the Lord your priority...or rather what they mean to say. Having this relationship with the Lord means seeing Him in each area of my life. And then worshipping Him.

I think for a long time, I viewed this Christian life as religion. But it's not. It's life, infused with grace, simplified through salvation, and ignited with passionate commitment to His glory. It's alive.

What I've been up to these days

2009-06-19T10:25:00.005-05:00

Dear readers,

I thought it might be worth sharing with you what I've been up to since I last wrote. It's been a very powerful season in my life- busy and exciting. I wanted to share an article I've written about a project I've been working with- Imagine This! TV. After reading, I'd encourage you to check out the trailer. It's worth your time. You will find it here: http://su.pr/8r6c0H.

Two years ago, actor Eion Bailey had an idea. He had a love for cinematography, a passion for culture, a heart for people, and desire to foster change. His dream soon became what would be the new reality of reality television. Eion, along with a team of Hollywood producers, artists and field experts, travelled to Peru to meet the need of hundreds of children who endured a grueling 8-hour daily walk to school. Coming together from around the world, the team rewired a bus to run on vegetable oil, providing a sustainable solution for the children and the entire community. The team built an amazing playground, bringing a new joy to these little ones. This was all captured and produced on film as the pilot episode of Imagine This! TV.

“I have always had a desire to inspire people to greatness,” Eion said, “and this is a perfect example of how anyone can use their skills and passions to better this world.”

Imagine This! is more than just a show to watch. It is a show to create. It is an ever expanding network of filmmakers and storytellers, activists and environmentalists, inventors and engineers, doctors, artists and many others dedicated to creating sustainable, life-altering projects for communities around the globe. With the power of an interactive website (www.imaginethistv.com), members have the opportunity to suggest episodes, comment on potential ideas, and tell their stories. Some of these stories and projects will be chosen as episodes of a television series that shows the world as a canvas of creation where everything and everyone is inextricably connected.

On June 10, the pilot premiered at an advanced screening at Project Butterfly in Los Angeles. The response was overwhelming. Eion and the other producers answered questions about the show, the vision for their work, and the impact they hope to leave on both the communities and the viewers they serve. The episode received a standing ovation, confirming for Eion and his partners, that Imagine This! has the potential to revolutionize reality TV.

Currently, the Imagine This! team is looking to increase their website membership to over 10,000. “With this demonstration of public support,” said Rafael Monserrate, Executive Producer and Director, “we will show the networks that this is the kind of television people want to see. The kind that celebrates culture and changes lives.” Anyone can sign up at www.imaginethistv.com.

Filmed with breathtaking cinematography, Imagine This! will journey to multiple exotic destinations — from a sacred valley to a holy land, from the mother of all jungles to the grandfather of all deserts, as well as few of the United States. At each stop there will be a community in need, a mission to complete, and a week to make a difference.

All are encouraged to join the movement, said Eion. “The adventure begins now.”

Thanks for your support! And please continue to pray for me as the busyness of this life continues. God is glorious, faithful and worthy to be praised.

Visit Imagine This! TV

The Simplicity of the Cross

2009-04-05T21:29:00.004-05:00

"Make me to know your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long."~ Psalm 25:4-5

I was lead to this passage of scripture this evening thanks to a sermon on my home church website. The sermon, called "Fix your eyes on Jesus" from March 9, 2008 comes from a Bishop within the Anglican Mission in America. As he spoke and as I have been contemplating on what it is that Jesus has done, I was struck by the grand but simple nature of Christ's sacrifice. He brought salvation- grand, immense, unfathomable. Through forgiveness of sins-forgiveness-it is not complicated or chaotic. It's simple. Profound, yes. Complicated, no.

I recognize how complicated I make things. I think and think and think and consider until the circumstance is dead. Can you identify? A dear friend recently reminded me of this habit I have. And tonight, as I was listening to a short sermon from Erilynne Barnum, she said "When we don't understand something, we attempt to exert control over it." That sounds so complicated to me! And it is. This habit of pulling things apart, and then trying to put them back in to place is 1) not my job, 2) not fruitful. It leaves me obsessed with something else other than life. Other than truth. Other than Christ. Which leads me to the point of this entry...

Tonight, I was thinking about how to do this Christian life. The list can get pretty long, can't it? We focus on not saying this; not doing that; being this way and so on. But as I listened to the words of this Bishop, combined with several seeds of planted thought, a refreshing truth came over me. The Bishop said, "Fix your eyes on Jesus means focus closely on Jesus." Focus closely, don't allow anything to sidetrack us or distract us. And then I realized how simple that is: the concept of focusing on someone. I am capable of focusing on an individual's character, responses, thought processes. I've done it numerous times in this life. So focus on Jesus. Learn His ways, meditate on His character. Learn who He is through serving- as He served in John 13.

Why do I do this? Because in Him is life, freedom, simplicity. Did I mention freedom? I've never been one who loves drama. My preference is a relationship in which I can be completely myself. I have the freedom to be forthright, open, not coy. Real. Drama is complicated; manipulation is deceiving. And it's tiresome. Focusing closely on Jesus demands simplicity in thought, grace in words, and love in action.

I was singing this song tonight- one I've sung multiple times. Here are the 2 lines that stuck out:

Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.

In each movement, action...moving at the impulse of the Love of God. Think about that for a second. That takes radical focusing on Christ- knowing how He loves (fully and perfectly). I know that prayer, when I sing, is one that I've yet to understand. Lord, let each movement I make, each action, be one filled with Your pure love. Wow.

Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee.

Another big one. I think about the stuff that comes out of my mouth on a regular basis. Yikes. So, Lord, may each sentence that comes from my mouth be from Your word. Again, wow.

Both of those prayers take a knee-bent, eyes-lifted approach to the Throne. And the only way to do this, is through knowing Him, thus, knowing His word. I've spent too much time away from Him lately (translated: I've not been reading His word faithfully), and it's shown.

So, for those of you who read this, I'd like you to take up a challenge with me. For the next 30 days (May 10), read 1 verse/passage of Scripture in the morning, with the specific intention of focusing closely on our Savior. Fixing our eyes. That simplicity of Christ, this refreshing simplicity reminds us of what He has done for us-thus, who we are. We are made in need of a Savior. That we might know Him...what Life will come.

"He leads the humble in what is right and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies."~Psalm 25:9-10.

Such Love, Such Grace, Such Life

2009-03-12T23:17:00.003-05:00

"The Lord is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayers of the righteous. The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, and good news refreshes the bones. The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise."~ Proverbs 15:29-31

My dear friends, I wanted to write to you this evening to share with you the wonder that was this day in my life. I have experience such the sweet presence and blessing of the Almighty God today- his blessings are abounding.

I had my ninth surgery today on my ears. For those of you who may not know, I was born with a deformity that meant I was without middle ears and had unformed outer ears. Since 1992, I've had nine surgeries in effort to repair this. Needless to say, it has been quite the process. I've had the incredible blessing of being surrounded with powerful prayer warriors and church family who have devoted themselves to loving me in and through this. In addition, God provided access to the absolute best doctors in the field, ensuring that these procedures were done excellently. My life story, in this regard, is filled with blessing and provision.

Today was the first surgery I had as an adult. It was a different experience, of course, as the surgeon addressed me, rather than my parents, I had to sign the papers, the surgery was my decision. This entire past weekend/week has been saturated with brutal attacks from the enemy. He's been relentless in effort to discourage and distract me from this circumstance. Even yesterday, during the first pre-operative appointment, my family and I met with the previous surgeon (he did the last 3 surgeries), who has since retired. The actual surgeon was unable, at the time, to meet with us, which gave great tension to both my parents and me. Sparing details, we left that appointment emotionally distraught, tense with each other, and discouraged. However, later that evening, the actual surgeon made time to meet with us, describing the actual procedure, allowing me to fully understand what was going on. Peace began to come.

The surgery was scheduled at 12pm this afternoon. Prior to checking in, a family friend met us in the lobby of the hospital and shared with me that she had had vision. She saw the glory of the Lord encircling my head, recognizing that the Lord's protection and power was (and is!) present. Blessing #1 of the day. After getting up to the waiting room, I had some time with my parents, talking with them about all of this. Blessing #2. But after the IV nurse came in, the reality of the procedure set in. I began to sadden as I recognized that this was really going to happen. It's tough stuff-never fun. Tears poured down. But as if on cue (Blessing #3), two dear family friends- my second set of parents, if you will, came into the room. Mark came over, anointed me with oil, placed his hands on my head, and began to pray. He shared that in his dreams the night before, he saw Jesus with his hands over a man's ears speaking Aramaic, "Be open". As we waited for the doctors and anesthesiology team, Mark began stroking my hair (a great source of comfort for me) and we all began to talk. Mark and Yolie are children of joy and laughter, which began to fill the room. So when the other physicians came in, I was in such a place of joy and peace. The sadness and mourning had left, replaced by the Holy Spirit's presence in His people.

I woke up around 6pm, after being in recovery for an hour. I was groggy, of course, but I realized I felt very different than the prior 8 times. My throat was dry, but not in pain, my head wasn't throbbing, and I wasn't nauseous. Within 20 minutes of being "awake", I asked the nurse if I could use the toilet, rather than the typical bedpan. She was surprised, but wheeled me to the restroom, which I used with ease. Over the course of the next hour, the groggy feeling completely left. I drank 3 cans of ginger ale, used the bathroom again, and ate crackers with no problem. And again, no pain, no nausea, and I was completely coherent. The surgeon came to meet me around 7:30 and told me, based on the way I was looking and feeling, that I could go back to the hotel! I know this may not seem phenomenal, but this was the FIRST time in the 18 years of surgical experience that I had this option. I would always stay the night to monitor pain and nausea. It's about 1AM right now, and I feel wonderful. I ate a full dinner (complete with coffee ice cream!) and have been able to walk around with no dizziness or pain. Miraculous.

My heart is overflowing, right now. I can't really explain with words the peace and joy that has come with this day. But, I know that this whole process serves as testimony to the greatness of my God. I pray that in your struggles and the frustrating times, you would see them as preparations for great joys set before you. It is so easy (and I know this!) to get bogged down by the harsh reality of the enemy and his despicable attempts to destroy children of God. But it is just not possible when we are in the strength of Yahweh.

This song has been the echo of my heart today. I pray it blesses you as it has me.

With love and such rich joy,

Lily

Victory

2009-03-09T07:21:00.003-05:00

"When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:

'Death is swallowed up in victory.'

'O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?'

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."~ 1 Corinthians 15:54-57

When the perishable puts on the imperishable...death is swallowed up in victory. When we receive the power of the Lord through His resurrection, the sting of death and sin no longer holds us. I love the image of "swallowed up". Death has not chance in the battle of death and victory and Jesus demonstrated this when he rose in power.

Something that has resonated with me recently is the reality of the battle we fight against an active enemy. Looking at Job, we see an evil destroyer, that I believe we tend to disregard in our daily lives. Just think about it for a second. He is deceitful...and good at it. He's mastered deceit in such a way that we forget he hates us. I forget he hates me. I'll find myself battling against temptation, apathy, laziness, questioning where this is all coming from, reaching a conclusion that I have to draw more lines, set more boundaries, write more laws to conquer this circumstance-as if I am a conqueror on my own (Romans 8:37).

But the way to defeat this, is to recognize and worship the King. In the power of the Holy Spirit- in the self-control He provides, cut off the sin that entangles and immediately turn to worship the Lord. It is in Him that we have power, in Him we have life, and in Him all find rest. There is mighty power in the name of Jesus Christ.

The mighty God, our Father, our Savior, and King, has conquered and defeated our enemy. It is finished...end of story. And we have access to that through Jesus Christ. Recognize the presence of an enemy, rebuke it in the name of Jesus, and then rejoice in the power of victory!

Choosing freedom...and walking in it

2009-01-27T11:31:00.005-05:00

*I previously wrote a post on this passage, but after some very interesting thought, I choose to revisit it.*

"And there was a woman who had had a disabling spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not fully straighten herself. When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said to her, 'Woman, you are freed from your disability.' And he laid his hands on her and immediately she was made straight, and she glorified God."~Luke 13:11-13

This story mirrors the joy of freedom in finding our identity in Christ. When I think of how the Lord has touched my life, setting me free of "disabling spirits" which have so crippled my very day-to-day process, I'm brought to a place of awe.

Not too long ago, my Bible study had a discussion about this very passage. I posed the following question. "What if you were there that day when this lady was healed and then a few months later, saw her bent over once again in the streets? What would you say to her?" The responses were as expected, "Why are you not walking as a healed woman? Don't you know that Jesus healed you? I saw it with my own eyes!" Take the circumstance now and make it analogous to our own lives. As Christians, we are set free from that which held us captive. We can walk straight. However, disability can be comfortable, can it not? Maybe that woman was used to the bent over way of life. I mean seriously, think of the implications. Healing is life changing/altering and from the little that I know of human nature, we are generally change averse.

I was sitting in my strategic management class today and my professor drew out this complex theory of the process of problem solving. The individual responsible for this model had considered so many areas of this process-he highlighted the implied nature of outcomes, the importance of perspective, and the relationship between administrators and the value they produce. However, he did all of this under the assumption that the individuals operating within this model are 1) rational 2) willing to fulfill their roles as citizens in considering the public good and 3) value focused. Have you met an individual, including yourself, who is perfectly rational, chooses greater value over lesser value in terms of the "whole" and actually is living their life under the general question of "how can I make things better for others"? I am not this way and I have yet to meet someone who is perfectly this way. We, as humans, do not act within our own self interest, really, because we have no idea what that really is!

And this is not depressing, but so incredibly liberating! Because if we recognize this fact, we begin to look outside ourselves and find that in Christ, through the power of the Holy Spirit, is found what is best. And we are given instructions on how to walk in that in Scripture. Simply put, God glorified is what is in our best interest. Walking straight is in our best interest. The woman glorified God. She knew her healing had come not from herself-she could not make herself walk straight, but it came from Christ, the Savior and Redeemer.

Continuing in this healing is a simple, but multi-level process. First, know your God. The more we discover about His character, the more it brings us to our knees in worship. The less we understand about Him, the more prone we are to once again becoming our own "savior". Pursue Him through the reading scripture, prayer, worship, and discipleship. Second, surround yourself with individuals who know of your healing and can testify to His work in your life. That family of fellowship allows for encouragement when it seems more comfortable/makes more "sense" to go back to what you know. And third, rejoice. Actually take the time to praise Him for who He is.

Choosing this healing demands life change, but much like the joy that accompanied Pilgrim in John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress when the load was loosed from His back, that change brings with it a life that is "Life indeed".

Come Adore

2008-12-12T12:54:00.003-05:00

“Thus says the Lord God: On the day that I cleanse you from all your iniquities, I will cause the cities to be inhabited, and the waste places shall be rebuilt. And the land that was desolate shall be tilled, instead of being the desolation that it was in the sight of all who passed by. And they will say, ‘This land that was desolate has become like the garden of Eden, and the waste and desolate and ruined cities are now fortified and inhabited.’ Then the nations that are left all around you shall know that I am the Lord; I have rebuilt the ruined places and replanted that which was desolate. I am the Lord; I have spoken, and I will do it."~Ezekiel 36:33-36

Merry Christmas! Allow me to provide you some options on how to celebrate it well.

1. Angel Tree-give Christmas to a child
2. Advent Conspiracy- give water to a village
3. Compassion International- give education/provision to a child
4. Opportunity International- give resources to an entrepreneuer in a developing country
5. Rescue Missions- go serve

These are just 5...but I think you get the idea.

Three Things

2008-12-02T23:37:00.003-05:00

First:

There is a holiness to the name of God. I can actually see how frequently in my life I've forgotten this. His will is holy. Something else I forget. You see, often I'm that person that says "God has shown me..." or "The Lord has directed me..." and it has become a means by which I keep people out of my business. It's this safeguard, if you will. It has become quite convenient in my decision-making process. I simply stamp that statement on my explanation as if to convince myself and those to whom I'm speaking that I have this all figured out...and it's from God...so it's right. But I'm learning something. This has become a dangerous habit. Not only does it not require me to convey my true feelings about something, but it doesn't allow people to really see me, or guide me. It's rebellion.

I used it recently to end a relationship I was in. "God wants me to let you go." When the reality of the circumstance was that time, distance, and other barriers were not permitting us to grow together. We can't force something to work that isn't. Right? So yes, God gave me the brain to observe, think and see that something needed to change. But I took it from there and made it this emotionally charged "spiritual sacrifice". I was seeking to fix this unrest in my spirit. And I did not want to be wrong. So put the "God-stamp" on it. And it resulted in what I sought after, but with much less ease and grace. Action brings peace right?! Of course not. God brings peace-in His time-in His will. And peace is not emotional.

My pastor, in his book "Never Silent" tells the story of walking on the beach with his wife. They had just moved to a different state and "realized" they had disobeyed God. How did they realize this? They had no peace with the direction. Sometimes that merits trying doors, but other times, I believe God stirs our spirits in order to keep us alert. As it turned out, they were there in the very place where a mighty work began to establish truth in the church. It just did not look the way they expected it to.

If you look through the Psalms, David is VERY honest with God about his emotions. He bares all. And in that, He is able to see God's character-beyond his pain. He can see that God is faithful-and has been faithful. He doesn't use a sugar-coated phrase of "God just has me in a humbling place right now". No, he mourns, cries out. As did Jesus. So today I'm confused, overwhelmed, sad, and seeking. I'm functioning.

Second:

Buffering my convictions based on the response of other people is NOT the way to live. It only drowns out your ability to know what you truly believe and feel about a circumstance. Only then can we really bring this stuff to God. I've not had a huge problem with confrontation in my life. Most people who know me know that I'm bold-when it comes to others. It's a very plank-speck concept. But it has begun to take root in the way I express myself-or rather, the way I do not. It stems from a fear of rejection- a sick a habitual mindset that keeps me from actually stating what my heart feels. My agendas and emotions are coated in practical logic, action oriented thought and people-pleasing words. The approval of others, without even knowing it, has become something I thrive on. Again this past break-up serves as a wonderful example.

I came back from Mexico immediately met with the responses of people in my life. Some were extremely supportive of my decision, others sad, others still had their own responses. This is to be expected. But the problem was that in the whole sweep of returning, I forgot to actually take the time to think about how I felt about it. How can I pray about something if I don't know where I stand on the issue? Even if it is a place of confusion? In this, it is SO important to really take the time to own where you are on a matter of the heart. Because from that comes honest prayer. I haven't been able to "figure anything out" or come to some great epiphany, but I have been able to have a conversation with the Lord about it. And it has been me and Him.

Third:

My life is richly blessed...and I forget it every day. This evening, I was frustrated because I forgot to buy a toothbrush earlier. I begrudgingly put on my coat and made my way toward the store, but something came over me as I walked through the glass doors. I collected the items I needed and made my way to the cash register where a woman was checking out. I had a few heavier things I was unloading and saw that she had her purchases divided up into multiple purchases. And then I saw the food stamp checks. She had a few bottles of baby juice, 9 cans of formula, milk, a carton of eggs, some baby snacks, 2 packages of cheap meat and not much else. I watched her grace. She wasn't the typical image associated with food stamps. Problems kept happening with the machine, but she just smiled and gracefully apologized for the wait. I kept assuring her I didn't mind. During one of the delays, I asked her where she was from. She smiled and said "Afghanistan".

I checked out, swiped my card, went to my car, and drove home to a heated apartment- overwhelmed that I had $35 to spend on "stuff to pack for lunch". It's not a guilt thing. We have blessings and should receive and be grateful to the Lord for them. But it is so important to remember what He has provided.

Know that you are blessed.

Undone

2008-11-21T11:39:00.003-05:00

"I heard an unknown voice say, "Now I will take the load from your shoulders; I will free your hands from their heavy tasks. You cried to me in trouble, and I saved you; I answered out of the thundercloud and tested your faith when there was no water..."~Psalm 81:6-7

"What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings. They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Zion."~ Psalm 84:5-7

It's been a bit, I guess...and change happens quickly. As I've been sorting through the recent trip to Mexico, which resulted in some difficult decisions, my heart break has come not from this sense of being separated from a man. In all honesty, I have found myself desperate for the presence of the Lord. For that reason, I am grateful that He cares enough to pursue me. I could write a long laundry list of things I've learned in this experience. And they are all positive and necessary lessons, but perhaps the greatest, is how much we need the Lord.

Take this song as my prayer.
(by Steve and Vikki Cook)

Come weary saints, though tired and weak
Hide away in the love of Jesus
Your strength will return by His quiet streams
Hide away in the love of Jesus

Come wand’ring souls, and find your home
Hide away in the love of Jesus
He offers the rest that you yearn to know
Hide away in the love of Jesus

Hear Him calling your name
See the depths of His love
in the wounds of His grace
Hide away

Come guilty ones, weighed down with sin
Hide away in the love of Jesus
The freedom you long for is found in Him
Hide away in the love of Jesus

Hear Him calling your name
See the depths of His love
in the wounds of His grace
Hide away

Come, hopeless hearts, do not despair
Hide away in the love of Jesus
For ten thousand joys await you there
Hide away in the love of Jesus.
----

My desire is to hide in Him for a while...and strength will rise as we wait upon Him.

Walking forward...Standing Straight

2008-10-27T18:17:00.003-05:00

"Now he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. And there was a woman who had had a disabling spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not fully straighten herself. When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said to her, 'Woman, you are freed from your disability.' And he laid his hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and she glorified God. But the ruler of the synagogue, indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, said to the people, 'There are six days in which work ought to be done. Come on those days and be healed, and not on the Sabbath day.' Then the Lord answered him,'You hypocrites! Does not each of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or his donkey from the manger and lead it away to water it? And ought not this woman, a daughter of Abraham whom Satan bound for eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the Sabbath day?' As he said these things, all his adversaries were put to shame, and all the people rejoiced at all the glorious things that were done by him."~ Luke 13:10-17

I had the wonderful opportunity to lead a Bible study this week based on this passage. The concept here paints a beautiful picture for those who have been healed by the Lord. This is an issue of obedience-choosing God over our perception of this world, our circumstances, and our relationships.

I'd like you to imagine for moment, if you will, that you were there on that day the woman was released from this spirit. You saw the way Jesus touched her, the miracle of her newly straightened back. And you saw the way she glorified God. This, of course touched you and you were among the people rejoicing in the many glorious things done by this Jesus. A week or so later, you're walking in town and you see that same woman. She has returned to her original, known stature. Shocked, you approach her and ask her what had happened. And she replies, "Oh, I'm just more comfortable this way, it's what I've always known. It's easier." What would be your response?

If you're anything like me, I would challenge her. I would rebuke her. "Woman, you've been healed! Walk like it!" But as soon as those words were to come out of my mouth, I would have to reconcile myself to my pride and how many times I've gone about my day acting as if I have not been restored by His grace-healed by His power and blood. It is so easy to be weighed down by the ways of this life. A friend of mine who attended the study mentioned how the image of this woman was perfect...because when we focus on this earth, we, by default, lose site of Jesus. We're looking downward when, as the psalmist says, we should lift our eyes. So what does this mean?

I could end it right here and say "Don't be negative, declare God's glory in all circumstances, and choose to be an instrument of His joy." But that would imply that we are capable of doing all of this within ourselves. And that is false. There is a reason that Jesus left us with the Helper-God, the Holy Spirit. For by His power, we can bear fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. We have ACCESS to this power through Christ's sacrifice. So in the deepest and darkest of times, joy can still exist, because God exists.

How do we walk through the hard times without the plastic smiles? Remembering that joy is not happiness. We don't have to respond to negative things with a cheer and jubilee. The psalms are dripping with cries of agony and pain. But as another gal pointed out-it always comes back to 1. Recognizing who God is and 2. praising Him for who He is. We don't be gleeful, but we do have to declare God's glory. There is a call to obedience where we must listen to the Word and do as it says (James 1:16-27). We must call upon the Lord in our weakness...counting the trials as joy for what is to come.

Something else to note. It is NOT comfortable to walk in God's power initially. We associate so much with feelings, so it may not feel any different or better. In fact, returning to the old life may actually seem more beneficial to us. Allowing ourselves to just be in the murkiness. We enjoy the clouds around our heads...not because it feels good, but because it's easier. But, the result of walking straight up, eyes toward Christ, is peace-lack of chaos and strength.

This is something I have to remind myself of a lot. I have been healed by the work of the Holy Spirit. My old and chaotic self has been crucified with Christ. He lives in me and I am His child. That is joy! But I am also a sheep-stupid and wandering. There's a great line in a song by 10th Avenue North that says, "Satisfy me, Lord of all. I begging you to help me see you're all I want, you're all I need. Oh, satisfy me, Lord." He helps us see that we have been healed...regardless of how we feel.

We are different because of Jesus. And you can continue to be different by His power. "You have been healed...so walk like it."

Dancing While Learning the Steps

2008-09-22T17:39:00.004-05:00

"For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."~Psalm 62:1-2

That verse really doesn't need a follow up. I mean, He's our rock and our fortress...strength, protection, power, foundation, stability. I could go on. Change is pretty incredible-it's never quite easy-heck, I even have issues when my day-to-day schedule shifts from expected. And this has been such a rich and real time of change for me. In grad school, in a relationship, changing fellowship, not leading much at all, spending most of my evenings at a local coffee shop while immersed in public management or finance reading. So much has changed. I'm also not 15 any more. I'm not pulling the "I'm old" card, but I'm getting older...meaning things are changing there too. So there's a lot of shifting and adjusting and it's ever present. It does feel sometimes as if I'm dancing while actually learning how to dance. The the One I dance with happens to be the best lead in all of time.

There's this beautiful thing that happens when a strong leader takes a partner and begins to dance. The lady doesn't have to really think about what she's doing. She has to make a decision to trust the lead and relax in the strength of his arms...both of which take faith. However, once that happens, it feels like you're flying. I can only remember a couple times when this kind of phenomenon occurred. One was as a young girl in high school where the lead in the school musical whisked me around stage to illustrate/teach the type of dance we'd be doing for a specific scene. The second was this past summer as I danced with someone to whom the Lord has opened my heart. Both instances left me feeling at peace and filled with joy. And I think that's how it's supposed to work with the Dancer. In fact, I'm 100% sure of it. The fruit of Him is joy...and peace...among other things.

So this point of my life requires a lot of gathering and re-gathering myself in order that I won't forget that He knows the steps, knows how fast I like to go, and what kind of songs touch my heart. And He whispers the truth in my heart...much like Manny did this summer, whispering "1, 2, and 1, 2". These are moments cherished, and there are many to anticipate.

Ah, to bask in the beauty of His song. He holds out His hand daily to me, asking, "May I have this dance?" And I say yes...not because I know what I'm doing, or because I know the music...but I know the Pursuer of my heart. Faithful from the beginning of time, whose love knows no bounds, the Strength holding fast, and He's really good at twirling me around, reminding me of how beautiful I am in His sight. He made me, after all.

Take a moment, dear ones, and dance a long waltz of praise. 1, 2, 3...1,2,3...

Finally Understanding Ourselves

2008-08-16T10:09:00.002-05:00

"This saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost."~ 1 Timothy 1:15

I'm in the midst of reading a pretty awesome book. It's called "When Sinners Say I Do" by Dave Harvey. I enjoy reading books on relationships, but this book is by far the most unique and I would venture to say one of the most solid of the bunch. I was expecting another "How To" book on relationships, eager to see how yet another person views marriage- which is usually accompanied by a 10-step list. But in this book, I have found an earth-shattering simplicity that continues to change my perspective on things.

So what's the premise? We're all sinners. I know, I know. That's kind of a "duh" statement, right? But in considering the way we interact, I think it's quite profound. We don't actually act on this truth. Think about it. I know countless situations where I've responded to the person as if he or she should be perfect. Thoughts like "they should know that hurts me" or "I don't deserve to be treated like that" or "did he really forget to tell me again??" This attitude communicates a very humanized and twisted theology that I tend to hold. First, it communicates that I don't know who I'm working with. First, that I am a sinner...really...so it truly is by GRACE that I am even typing these words. Second, the person across from me is a sinner LIKE ME, so I am obligated to grant them the same forgiveness as I've been shown. And third, I don't even come close to recognizing the significance and necessity of God's grace and mercy...in fact, I don't see the power in it. At least, that's how I live.

This misconception REALLY burdens me with time. Because I don't recognize who I am without Christ, it is difficult for me to understand who I am WITH Christ. If I don't get the depravity-or at least live in a humble understanding of where I've been, how can I fully rejoice in where I am and even where I'm going?

So how do I fix this? The amazing that this has brought to my attention, is really showing me how to pray. Because I can only be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle, faithful, self-controlled by the power of God, the Holy Spirit. And the Bible says that we have His power within us-all those who believe. So I can call upon Him. But again this understanding that I am "sinner" saved by grace, crafts my prayer. So rather than praying "Lord, please help so and so to treat me like such and such" my prayer becomes, "Lord, what a wretched woman am I! And what's more, I realize that I am only righteous by YOUR works. Nothing I have done, or ever will do will be enough to bring from this state. In light of this truth, Lord, I call upon you for mercy. Penetrate my heart with a deep loving-kindness, that I may approach people in that mercy. Lord in every thought, word, deed, may your Spirit guide me. I trust you with this day and trust that you will be my strength. Thank you for setting me free from the bondage of sin and allow me to approach people in a deeper understanding of that freedom. Amen."

To close, the writer, Dave Harvey, took an image that Christ gave us and illustrated it further. In regards to the plank and speck analogy found in Matthew 7:3-5, he says, "Imagine a husband, railroad tie protruding from his face attempting to remove a dust particle from his wife's eye. He will have whacked her silly long before he can address the speck. Just approaching brings pain."

Holding my Father's Hand

2008-07-16T13:08:00.003-05:00

"The steps of a man are established by the Lord when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand."~ Psalm 37:23-24

I'm starting into the last few weeks of my summer here in Connecticut. It's been pretty amazing, to say the least. I've learned so much about what it means to be his daughter, to trust Him in each decision, and rejoice in times of preparation. This spirit of freedom, and joy comes from none other than the Holy Spirit Himself.

The above verse really spoke to my heart in a recent decision I had to make. With my current study of Ruth, discipleship and prayer, I saw this beautiful image of walking with my Father, still a toddler in my faith (though growing). I'm clinging to His hand right now in my daily walking and decision making. At times my feet trip up, but I don't fall to far, because He's holding me. In fact, though my feet my get a little scrapped up, I my life doesn't change. He pulls me up when he senses me tripping. I'm walking with Him and it's awesome.

Additionally, I've had the incredible opportunity to witness a few amazing women of God as they grow and develop into even more mature daughters of His purpose. (Yes, Apostles Youth ladies, that means you!) To see how they each see the Lord in very different but very powerful ways inspires me to discover more of His character. We were looking at Ruth together a couple weeks ago and while one would see her emotions as committing, another would see the pain and brokenness. Both ever relevant and both necessary to see the complete picture.

I've also had the chance to read some powerful books that are actually reshaping my convictions, deepening my faith, and reminding me of truth that isn't always in the square front of my mind. Thaddeus Barnum, Ian Cron and Elisabeth Elliot have all written books on waiting and living in the Lord. All three, in their works, convey a time where the path and plan was not clear, but a pursuit of Christ brought clarity and understanding...in time. That piece is also important as I move on to this next area of my life. My new ministry is found at SPEA-to delve in and pursue the Lord in excellence in this as I see Him prepare me for what lies ahead.

You know, I've been single for the past 2 years, but it was not until this summer that I began to cherish and deeply understand the importance and relevance of a time of reprieve from relationships. That time may very well come to a close soon, but the richness of my time with Jesus...and with Him only...will not be forgotten. This summer has changed and continues to change my life. Being fashioned for His purpose is quite the trip, that's for sure. But it's life-giving.

I recently told a friend in Indiana that my relationship with God is that which gives me joy. It is not the methods, strategies or disciplines in and of themselves, but the outcome of those things. Reading the word, praying, being in discipleship and worshipping all result in God's glory...which in turn results in my growth and joy.

Returning to Indiana for another 2 years isn't exactly celebratory for me at this point, but I'm holding His hand, walking with Him. He establishes my steps, so I'm going to keep moving forward, trusting in His perfect knowledge of all that is past, present, and to come. What peace.

Experiencing the Intimacy of God

2008-06-21T14:55:00.003-05:00

It really has been a while since I've allowed myself the time to write here. Over a month, maybe? Anyway, what an amazing, precious and sweet time I have been in here at home. Wow. The Lord has allowed so many beautiful and rich blessings in the past month that I find it almost sobering. I have this picture of being tucked away at the side of my Father, while being loved on is such a way that it revives and renews the spirit. Daily, I'm reminded of the rest- the gift of being still before the Maker in order that we have time to understand more about who He is.

It's interesting. I've been single for the past two years by choice and commitment. But shortly after the time of "commitment" expired, the Lord blesses me with this powerful time of being with Him-undistracted and sweet. The past two years of committed singleness had been a bit of a battle. I found myself in this tug between emotions and truth. And I now realize the sweetness of how He protected me. I mean seriously, the Lord did not let anyone near me. And I think that caused me to run to Him this summer-tired of fighting, needing to learn Him all over again...needing to be in relationship with this God I call my Rock and Salvation. We're so forgetful and stupid (hence the parallel to sheep so often), aren't we? I actually, at some point this past year, convinced myself that my time in ministry was actually enough-sufficient to serve as my relationship. But that, perhaps, is one of the easiest lies that the enemy spins. And as I have allowed for daily study, prayer, and worship, I find myself in this new understanding of what it means to be His daughter...and the one He loves.

He's manifested Himself in the many things in which I'm involved. Be it time with family, time at the gym, time with the high schoolers, voice lessons, time with both mentors, I see His hand all over each moment. I am in love with this Lord of mine. I am watching, in amazement as He shows me things of my heart that I never knew-or could never materialize. And it is interesting how He is testing my faith-showing me the importance of working at trusting Him in a new, unparalleled way.

Much of me actually doesn't anticipate the return to school. I want to hold on to every thread of time possible here. But there in lies another distraction, which I have to bring to Him. He's teaching me to live in each day-cherishing each moment I have. That's pretty difficult for a planner-especially a detail-oriented one, but I trust Him. And it may seem impossible that I would be ready-and joyful-about returning to school in August. But I know my God reigns. Amen? :)

A Wall of Fire

2008-05-19T22:34:00.002-05:00

"And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord, and I will be the glory in her midst." ~ Zechariah 2:5

I tried to find a picture that illustrated a wall of fire, but all of them fell short of this image ingrained in my mind. As I read that last night after quite a day, I received some comfort and even deeper humility thinking about how the Lord illustrated his protection of Jerusalem.

Because I'm a girl, I love it when the Bible uses the pronoun "her". Even though I know it was referring to a city at the time, when I memorize it, I actually picture the Father surrounding me with this protective wall. I talked to my mom a bit today about it, and she pointed out that not only is the Lord protecting, but fire refines. And that is probably the perfect way to describe all the happenings in my life right now. He is protecting me, but man, is He refining me too!

The next part of that verse also brings a smile to my face. The Lord is going to be the glory in my midst. One of my biggest struggles, I would say, is pride. It's super subtle, but at times, I find myself excited about what I can be doing or what my plans can be. But that's not what I want, really. I have experienced the utter chaos that accompanies claiming ownership/pride in something that does not and will not ever belong to you. It's quite humiliating. I know that the Lord is my glory, and I've asked Him to take that place in my life. And He will do it. So in everything I do, it must come back to my King-the way He loves, the way He serves, and most importantly as of late, the way He leads.

I'm in this place of drawing nearer to the Lord-spending time with him daily, and seeking him in the plans I piece together. It's not about me, but this time is about us-my relationship with Him. He's granted me this summer to be in close fellowship with Him as a training for the days to come when quiet is not so available.

I'm back home this summer with an incredible opportunity to work with some amazing high school kids, college kids and "young professionals". It's a beautiful time for the Lord to work in and through me. I'd like to ask you to pray with and for me as I continue in my time here. That it would be nothing short of a blessing.

I am being refined. And I am protected by a mighty God.

A Yearbook Entry

2008-05-02T22:48:00.006-05:00

"We put no obstacle in anyone's way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything."~2 Corinthians 6:3-10

I drove home tonight from being with my family, overwhelmed with love for my Savior. Seriously though, I was listening to this song that keeps recognizing Jesus as the holy One. The thought that He considers us His. Wow.

I'm graduating college tomorrow afternoon. That's a bit nuts to me, I think. It doesn't feel different or "strange" per se, but it doesn't actually feel like it's happening. I can reflect on the past few years, I can see Him intimately working in all that I've done...and left undone. And as I begin this next phase of my life, I can't help but wonder what the Lord may have. He's SO intentionally brought me here. My Dad says I'm the kind of person who comes into a situation and makes waves...and I'm excited to make them, with His power.

I really enjoy reading through my High School Senior yearbook. At my school, each member of the senior class had a paragraph addressed to the reader, it concluded with nicely packaged statement. So I figured I would do that again, for old time's sake. But this time, I'm not 17, and rather than concluding with a statement, I chose a verse (the one up above). Because, I have found the only strong foundation is truth...and Jesus is truth. Here it goes...

"By the time most of you will read this, I will be graduated, my diploma will be in the mail (because that's how we do it at big schools), and I'll be taking 500 pictures with friends and family. I still remember sitting down at the piano in the Landes lounge in Read right after my parents left me to my first year of school. A single tear trickled down my cheek, signifying the separation. This was a new day, a new time, and I was embarking on the most formative 4 years of my life. It would take much longer than a paragraph to thank the many people that have blessed and changed me throughout the years. From the obvious love and devotion of my parents and family to the seemingly insignificant "random" conversation with a stranger in Starbucks...God has been busy.

I, of course, owe much of my growth and deepening as a child of God to ECC, my home church. Through Connexion, the children's ministry, missions, social events, Bible studies and discipleship, God has provided a strong community of believers. Being a part of that church in many ways allowed for me to finally become a woman of God who knows why she believes...in a way that was unique to my individual commitment to Jesus.

I won't be going far. Just down the street, actually, but as I enter this different phase in my life, I pray that each and every one of you know that God has used you specifically in my life to form me into the young woman I am now. I have MUCH growing left to do...as we always will, but I have that much more of an understanding of my Savior because of you. So, thank you...and for those of you who know and love Jesus, claim the above verse as a part of your mission statement. This an unapologetic and loving walk. It's time to put the next foot in front of the other."

~Lily

For the Joy!

2008-04-22T22:21:00.000-05:00

Hey there!

Andrew allowed me to take a moment to write to you and I am so so grateful because tonight, the Lord reminded me of the power that comes from the Holy Spirit. He brings JOY to the mediocrity of our lives. Amen? This past year, Renovo Ministries has gone through quite a bit of adjustment and change. It has been pretty amazing to watch how the Lord has used this year to prepare and equip us for what is to come!

This summer, by His grace, Renovo lunch will continue and we will be returning to Trinity Episcopal Church, which in the past has served as an amazing place of joy and fellowship for our weekly lunches. I am SO excited about this move! Additionally, the children's ministry at Crestmont will also continue in some capacity. This amazing group of folks has monthly been going to the Crestmont community on the North side of Bloomington to serve and love the children there. So if you're going to be in Bloomington and want to be involved, please email us! renovo.ministries@gmail.com.

Recently, it has been really clear that many of us have been trudging through a spiritual swamp. Apathy and laziness have plagued us and it has been extremely tiring, hasn't it? But the Lord speaks to this in Isaiah 43:18-19 reading, “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Declare that with joy, children of God! He is doing a new thing in us and through us.

Here exists a chance for you to pray, serve, and grow in the blessings of our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. It has been a while since I personally have tasted the fresh life of Jesus, but I was reminded tonight through watching the Renovo Ministries video.

Check it out and be blessed! Come and serve with us! Our aim is to glorify God, love each other, and learn what it means to actively live out this precious faith that we have been given. He came that we might have life and have it to the full! There is restoration, brothers and sisters. We have been set free...it's truth. Hope to see you soon!

~Amy, Renovo Ministries Co-founder

Laughing!

2008-03-31T22:58:00.004-05:00

"Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the time to come."~ Proverbs 31:25

The Lord has taught me a lot about laughing recently. As I reflect on the character of this wife of noble character, this portion never really stuck out until these past few weeks. The time to come, in this case, is something light enough, drama-free enough to laugh about! And you can laugh because you are secure in the fact that our God reigns. He is victorious thus our future is set.

A lot has changed even in these past few days that merit laughter. We form plans, but by His grace, I have been in a place allowing me to be open to His direction. So I am no longer going to grad school, contemplating certain other situations that are so clearly placed in my life by His hand. And all I can manage to do is laugh...chuckle at the days coming because I truly have no idea what they will bring. But I do know what He has. And in that, I rest...and laugh. This has so many...even endless implications: the way I approach each day, relationship, and career choice. I know He has this in His hands. With this, I cannot deny the responsibility to be excellent. So I try doors, but the key is not to fret if one closes. Not to be anxious, but to trust Him and in that take joy.

Its just amazing the freedom you feel with this perspective...just laughing knowing that the issue is so minute, so insignificant in light of His glory and grace. In fact, its Him who gives anything meaning...so maybe this is why we're called to have faith like a child. Children laugh...a lot.

So there you go. Laugh!

See it :)

2008-03-26T15:49:00.002-05:00

One of the team members put this together...check it out!

Slideshow :)

The slide show plays one of the songs we taught the church...although we did not do the five minute version.

Blessings!