DOCK GREEN

Chickens. Home. Roost.

2009-11-14T12:45:00.002Z

Devon and Cornwall Police are cross. Some thug vandalized one of their patrol cars in Exeter recently - and despite there being loads of witnesses, no-one has come forward.

Gee, I wonder why.....

Three little words

2009-11-14T08:19:00.001Z

Three words of advice for Lorraine Elliott, who lost her £150,000 job because her vicious ex-husband falsely accused her of forging a signature, enabling the KP Nuts (formerly Kent Police) to seize her DNA and add it to the definitely-not-a-national-DNA-databse that the 43 constabularies definitely aren't maintaining illegally. Suing the government would be a total waste of time.

Sue. Kent. Police.

Senseless in Surrey

2009-11-14T08:11:00.003Z

I'm sorry, but Surrey Police have finally and irrevocably lost the plot. When ex-solder Richard Clarke found a shortgun left in a bin-liner dumped in his garden, he did the sensible thing and took it to a local police station (yes, he could have phoned, but we all know what police response times are like). He was then duly arrested and charged, and now faces up to five years in jail because some senseless plod decided to enforce the letter of local policing policy rather than anything approaching common sense. Surrey Police should be ashamed of themselves - but as experience shows, they have no understanding of the concept.

Not of course

2009-11-13T09:37:00.002Z

Apparently some Greater Manchester Police officers are unhappy at a new course to teach them how to be polite. Quite right. Such a course is a complete waste of money. Any plod who can't manage Basic Manners 1 with the public should be disciplined, not sent on a jolly at our expense.

Keep pedalling!

2009-11-12T21:18:00.002Z

The Metropolitan Police. Three words that usually come with seven others attached - what on earth have they done now? This time a group of 'well-meaning officers' have come up with a guide on how to ride a bike. Ninety-three pages worth of it. I'd really like to think the Met aren't stupid enough to need such a guide, but then again....

Crime pays!

2009-11-11T21:32:00.002Z

At least it does in West Yorkshire, where the clueless constabulary have taken to handing the proceeds of crime onto the criminal's family. You really couldn't make it up!

Deck the moors with LP folly...

2009-11-11T21:27:00.003Z

... fa la la la la, la la la la! The Ebenezers of Lancashire Police have got their humbugs ready early this year. Officers in Penwortham are handing our cards to people to put in their wondows to discourage carol singers. I only hope some group is brave enough to perform outside the local police station, where they would doubtless be arrested as terrorists and have their DNA stolen.

Wriggle room

2009-11-11T21:24:00.002Z

Well, well what a surprise - not! ACPO is to continue to instruct chief constables to refuse to delete profiles from the DNA database as this fag-end of a government wriggles to keep as many people on the database as possible. Not that the Tories are any better; give our police forces any wriggle room and they'll find excuses to keep thousands on the database by various illicit means. For example, it might seem okay to keep terrorists' FNA indefinitely - but you just know the polcei will twist that to include protestors as well. Sorry as I am to say it, they simply cannot be trusted.

Fenland Failures

2009-11-10T21:35:00.003Z

Cambridgeshire Police know how to target the real criminals in the Fens. At least, I presume they do. Or perhaps they are as stupid as their arresting DNA'ing and holding grandfather Thomas Catcheside in a cell for six hours for - oh, it's almost too horrible to mention - using a swear word to a rude council official. I mean, doesn't he know that council officials have feelings? No brains, no sense, but feelings! And Cambridgeshire Police now have another addition to the definitely-not-a-national-DNA-database that they're definitely not building. No understanding, no public support, but a larger database.

Targets

2009-11-10T09:35:00.002Z

Will, presumably, be held to blame for the news that 111 cases of admitted rape, including shockingly 66 of child rape, ended with the police services in question letting the perpetrator off with a caution. Presumably some bleeding heart in each case thought that sending the perpetrator to jail would be a Bad Thing, so much better to let them off a chalk up another police 'success'.

The Stasi live!

2009-11-10T09:24:00.003Z

A spokesman for Staffordshire Police said: 'Our officers aim to act in the best interests of everyone they come into contact with.'

Really? So the officer who responded to a 999 call by a woman who was nearly run over thought it was in the 'best interests' of the victim to report her to social services for having a semi-decorated home? Hah! Twenty years after the fall of the Berlin Wall, it seems the Stasi are alive and well and operating in the Potteries.

More Met madness

2009-11-09T21:03:00.002Z

The Metropolitan Police are pleased to announce that there will be no more incidents of gang-rape in the capital. Not, of course, because they're putting any extra resources into solving it (that's so passe, darling). They're just redefining it as 'multi-perpetrator rape'. Because, being the Met, they think that 'gang rape' is just too racist.

Remember, it's our money used to pay for this foolishness.

Hopeless in Hants (2)

2009-11-08T09:43:00.002Z

A woman whose child threw a tantrum in the supermarket made the grave mistake of threatening her son with a smack if he didn't behave. Nothing illegal there, you may think - except some sad off-duty Hampshire plod, taking a break between hiding behind bushes with a scamera and finding other excuses not to go out on the beat, promptly reported her to county social services, and two of its fellow wastes of space somehow found time in their 'busy schedules' to vist her and threaten her with further action.

It's now over 20 years since my aunt was robbed of her precious jewellery. Hampshire Police don't seem as keen to work off-duty in her case.

Hopeless in Hants (1)

2009-11-08T09:39:00.002Z

Two blasts at my own excuse for a police 'service', Hampshire, today. First an incident when I was going shopping the other day, and saw a Talivan parked at the roadside. Nothing unusual there - we all know Grabby Gordoom needs the dough - but written on its side was 'Road Safety - Community Reassurance'. You what? 'Reassuring' us that the police have nothing better to do than skulk under trees just the other side of a hill and a long bend to raise money for this discredited government? Pathetic!

They're innocent - they say so!

2009-11-07T10:13:00.002Z

Over 5,000 complaints have ben made against Scotland Yard's riot squad, mostly for oppressive behaviour - yet less than 0.2% of them have been upheld. So what impartial organization cleared them of the remaining 99.8% of charges?

The Metropolitan Police, based in - Scotland Yard.

I smell whitewash....

I have a bridge I'd like to sell...

2009-11-06T21:02:00.002Z

... and a large wheel, both in London. I'm hoping Dyfed-Powys Police will buy both, as they were gullible enough to waste £20,000 of taxpayers' money on an investigation into a suicide, on the grounds that some psychics - or was it psychotics? - claimed to have received messages from the dead man on the other side. It really beggars belief!

Gimme Gimme Gimme

2009-11-05T21:29:00.002Z

Less than three years ago, Ian McPherson 'kindly' agreed to become head of Norfolk Police. Apparently the £126k a year slaary wasn't enough, because he also demanded and got (hey, it's only public money!) a £70k resettlement grant. Now he's up and left for a job with the Met - but he's keeping all the lolly.

I know some 646 people in a London building who must be green with envy at such blatant troughing.....

The tit is gone, the stupidity lives on

2009-11-05T21:24:00.003Z

Uberfuhrer Dick Brunstrom may have left North Wales Police, but his ghost lives in. The force were delighted to rake in some £18,000 from a speed trap on a road near Bala since March (Dick only left in July). Then some bastard of a motorists spotted that the 30 mph limit they had broken was in fact a 40 mph limit - so Dick's Dodderers must hand back all that lovely lolly. Everyone say aaah!

Lookie there!

2009-11-05T21:21:00.002Z

Tayside Police spent more than a year looking for drug courier Benjamin Clayton. Lord only knows the costs involved. Then, some bright spark finally suggested trying the one place the plods had so far overlooked.

His home address.

Sigh.

Inhuman rights

2009-11-05T21:15:00.003Z

Time for more moronicity from Dumb & Crap (aka Devon & Cornwall) Police. When local thug Ben Hill went on a wrecking spree, two of his many victims, shopowners Dennis and Christine Lusby, wrote 'Damage done by Ben Hill' on the boards used to cover their window. Enter, stage left, DCP, who informed them that this 'breached the thug's human rights' (don't you have to be human to have those?). I bet they're regretting it now, though - the Lusbys are standing firm, leaving Dumb & Crap looking - well, pretty dumb and crap. As usual.

Cobblers!

2009-11-05T09:08:00.002Z

Mark Lacey, a detective superintendent with Northamptonshire Police, has told the public that shows such as CSI have raised expectations too much, and they should stop whining. I mean, his farce have always proved perfectly capable when investigating crimes, haven't they?

How tyring!

2009-11-03T21:12:00.003Z

Some years back, I suffered a tyre blowout on the A34. In the pouring rain, I had to pull over and change the dratted thing. However, it seems such activity is beyond the Metropolitan Police farce, as they have now been instructed to sit in their cars and await rescue. Still changing a tyre can be tricky. It's not like it's shooting innocent Brazilians and covering it up afterwards, is it?

One rule for them, part 5,249

2009-11-03T21:08:00.001Z

In 2007 David Micklethwaite, a Thames Valley moron, accidentally shot a colleague whilst demonstrating how not to use a weapon. However, TVP havge managed to protect him by drawing out the investigation for two years, so he can now retire on a full pension.

One rule for them.....

A misunderstanding?

2009-11-02T21:06:00.002Z

Nottinghamshire Police claim that there was a 'misunderstanding' over the refusal of an Arnold police station to allow the Royal British Legion to place a poppy collection box inside. I think the RBL understood the police attitude quite well...

The Towering Stupidos

2009-11-01T08:39:00.003Z

November starts with strong gusts and Suffolk Police being as stupid as ever. IN order to stop Great Yarmouth youngsters from trick-or-treating, which of the following do you think they did:
a) arrest any of them who harrassed local people?
b) spend £1,000 of taxpayers' money to take them on a trip to Alton Towers?

Hint: Suffolk Police.