A Wise Woman Builds Her Home

The Hopechest

2008-10-14T07:15:00.007-05:00

Recently a dear reader asked:

"I have kind of a silly question, but I just don't know (I wasn't raised in a Christian home). What exactly is a Hope chest and how do I make one for my daughter?"

Certainly this is not a silly question at all, hope chests of the past have been replaced with modern store and online bridal registries but there is no reason why we cannot create and bless our daughters with a beautiful gift of a hope chest today. Hope chests were originally used to store items for a daughter to be used after she is married to take to her new home.

Whatever your budget is you can begin today to begin saving and collecting items for your daughter's future home. Traditionally items were kept in a cedar chest to preserve items and keep them safe, but if accumulating an actual wooden hope chest is not any where in your near future (if your husband is handy, he could even make one), don't worry! You can begin gathering items and placing them in a box or plastic tub in the attic or garage as long as the items are stored carefully. Here are some ideas of what to begin collecting:

Books-

A family Bible
childhood books
cookbooks
inspirational books
practical books
religious books
family pictures and history scrapbook

Linens- (you might want to embroider some of these or handmake to add personal touches, what daughter wouldn't want something her mother made?!)

Pillow cases
sheets
dresser scarves and table runners
towels and dishclothes
aprons, tableclothes, cloth napkins
kitchen accessories

Quilts-

Friendship quilts, theme quilts, wedding quilts, baby quilts, memory quilts, wall-hanging quilts

Miscellaneous-

family heirlooms, letters, recipes, scrapbooks, antiques, practical items, baby items, china and the list goes on...

I, personally, have started my oldest daughters hopechest---I even had let out the word that I was doing this and her aunt and grandmother have added their share of items during Christmas time and birthdays--my daughter was very grateful to receive the gifts and know that they are for her future home. Even if a daughter does not marry, if she eventually leaves the home she can still use many of the items stated above.

An excellent resource of which I compiled most of this list from is this book:

The Hope Chest: A Legacy of Love by Rebekah Wilson

She gives the history of the hope chest, practical ideas that you would never think of, how to throw a shower for your daughter to add to her chest, how to make a hope chest for sons and how to care for a chest and pack it. She also has a chapter on caring for cedar wood. In any case, this book is invaluable and worth the read if you plan on preparing this beautiful and timeless gift to your daughter(s). You will not just be giving her a material gift, but an invaluable one of love that will last and be passed on to the next generation.

Homemaking Daughters-Part 2

2008-10-13T07:58:00.000-05:00

Raising daughters who enjoy homemaking can be a wonderful adventure for both mom and daughter. There are many areas in which you might be able to teach different skills outside of the ones I have listed in my previous post. Here are some others you might want to consider:

basketweaving
calligraphy
candlemaking
ceramics
cross stitch
decoupage
doll making
drawing
embossing
flower arrangement
latch hooking
macrame
needlepoint
oil painting
photography
quilling
rubber stamping
stenciling
food preservation
budgeting
scheduling
computers
soapmaking
organization
foreign language
poetry
teaching
writing
storytelling

Certainly, the list is endless! I'm sure you ladies can think of many more things to add to this list. Some books I recommend would be:

Keepers at Home- A Handbook for Young Ladies--Keepers of the Faith (this book gives categories like listed above, a how-to-do section, and a check off section as you go with scripture 'to support. They also have 'Little Keepers at Home' for ages 4-6 and they have a book also for boys-'Contenders for the Faith')

Polished Cornerstones--Doorposts (a mom and daughter study on being a Godly woman, homemaker, etc.)

So Much More--Elizabeth and Sofia Botkin (great book for vision for daughters and turning hearts toward home)

Raising Maidens of Virtue-Stacy McDonald (contains vision and a study for mom and daughter to do together)

I think vision is so import to explain to our girls---just as it is so important to know the 'why' behind all the work that we do so we are not discouraged, our daughters need just the same, if not more. The culture we live in strives to pull them away from the home more than ever before, and mothers today take on new challenges as we try to equip and pass on strong, biblical vision the next generation of daughters.

Here are some great (and very convicting) questions to ask ourselves regarding our daughters that I found from the site Homemaking:

Do you take the time to include your daughter in the home and show her skills?

Do you keep her close to you in most of the things you do?

Do you think it saves time IF you do it yourself and this way keeps down the mess?

Are you keeping those valuable family recipes for her, that someday she can have them for a hopechest?

Do you grumble in front of your daughter/s about how hard it is to maintain the home?

Are you training her to be a sloth?

Are you training her to prepare and carry out meals for your family now, so that she will be ready to go when she has her own kitchen?

Are you diligently passing on the torch of being a keeper of the home to your daughter/s?

So as we can clearly see---we have a mighty and noble task before us...let us pull up our sleeves and get busy with passing on the torch, breathing fresh vision into the new generation and empowering our daughters to learn to live a godly life for Him!

Homemaking Daughters

2008-10-11T09:28:00.009-05:00

Virtuous daughters on the homefront has been quickly abandoned today and exchanged for empty, shallow pursuits such as hanging with peers, mall strolling and text messaging. While these things are not sinful in itself, it is a shame to see girls wandering aimlessly without any sense of who they are and ultimately having to 'find' herself (sometimes tragically and sadly)in a circle of foolish friends who lead her astray. We truly must help our daughters to redeem the time that is being idly lost and make wise use of their precious youthful years.

Parents will be wise to direct their daughters when they are young to fill their time with godly pursuits. When they are little to read stories about the love and joys of homemaking (Amish readers are good for this). To set the example for them as they go about celebrating the days at home that they might see mom enjoying and rejoicing in her work and to point their hearts in the direction of God and toward home and family. Mothers will be wise to include her young daughter in tasks around the home such as cooking, baking, cleaning, dusting and gardening with her as she performs them and begin cultivating the love for homemaking at an early age.

Some simple ways to entice an older daughter who has not really learned any homemaking skills would be to find out where her interests lay. I highly suggest praying if you have an older daughter who you are trying to cultivate a love for home arts that the Lord would direct your steps as you carefully and eagerly teach your daughter new experiences on the homefront. If you have several daughters, like I do, you will want to find out where giftings and strengths lie---sometimes a daughter might not be interested in embroidering but might be interested in cake decorating. Oftentimes, I have found, you might find that if one daughter has enthusiasm in an area the other will follow suit and 'jump on the bandwagon' so to speak and both will be simultaneously learning in the same area. Our family has been blessed to see older examples of girls who are quite accomplished and creative in the realm of home. This had been a wonderful contributing factor in inspiring my girls along with setting a high mark for them. As a mother, I like to empower them by saying things like 'Wow, look at this blanket/dress/cake! Isn't that incredible? You could do that---I know you could!"

As a young girl, I was very blessed to have a mother who took the time to teach me some of the basics of how to sew, cook, clean and run a home. When I was a newlywed, I did not have to struggle as much as some because I was taught by my ever-loving mother. Surely, I have had to learn alot more on my adventure of having 8 beautiful children, but priceless was the time invested in me. Likewise, we must remember the time you invest in your daughter(s) are eternal and our efforts and surely not in vain.

My two older daughters (10 and 15) have learned to do many things around the home. I want them to be well rounded so I have taught them how to do all kinds of things--cleaning, cooking, making crafts, teaching, painting, embroidering, flower pressing, taking care of little ones, sewing, gardening, painting, scrapbooking, decorating, hospitality, ministry from the home, learning an instrument or two, baking and on the list goes. A recent project for both daughters was to assemble and sew a fabric book from the craft store which they both did (pictures coming soon) which helped them to gain more confidence in their sewing skills. They have already sewed quilts and clothing and do most of the mending in our home. They also have recently started taking crocheting & knitting classes and use most of their spare time practicing their newly found skills. I also have a five year old, and as she watches her older sisters she so badly wants to learn to try her hand at it all also. What a blessing to have older daughters who are learning to be accomplished in the domestic arts! We still have a long way to go, but we are definitely off to a good start.

It is ever important to shower your daughters with praise and be ever patient with them as they try new things. Kindly and patiently instruct. Teach them with example as well as with words. Encourage, encourage, encourage---that is key to fanning flame into fire and igniting a love for learning and building a vision that entails a love for the sacred home that one day they too, will govern.

"Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace." Psalm 144:11-13

(Stay tuned for Part 2!)

Weaving A Tapestry of Beauty

2008-10-09T14:37:00.003-05:00

"Weaving a tapestry of beauty in our home calls for action. To successfully make the home of my dreams and God's call a reality, I have to be there, working and weaving on it every day. I have to plan the picture and select the colors, threads, and textures. I have to know what I want the finished tapestry to look like, and I have to pay attention to details along the way.

Understand the beauty and blessing of God's will for you. God is teaching us His will when He calls us to be homemakers. And I figure that, if God calls me to serve at home, to be on top of things, and to see that my housekeeping chores get done, then I want to do that. So I resolved (and you may want to do the same) to be at home
more often."

-Elizabeth George

Hard Times

2008-10-03T06:53:00.014-05:00

Hard times are upon many of us in America today---if you watched the vice presidential debates last night you know that 'Main Street' is struggling--and many of us have to choose between food and gas or medical care. I know there are many of you wondering how to make ends meet---just as the rest of us are. As we are waiting for 'reform' in Washington, here are some ways we can save money in our homes today...

1. Resolve not to spend. Period.

2. Learn contentment---Paul, the apostle knew how to be content with much and little. Contentment goes hand-in-hand with thankfulness. Isn't it great that we are learning some character through it all? The other day I was teaching my children about needs and wants and how the Bible says our needs are basically Him, clothing and food. What a short list compared to our frivolous endless 'wanting' and 'coveting'.

3. Cook from scratch---there are so many great books out there that teach us how to do this, it is literally a never ending process. I am currently reading through 'How to Feed Your Family Healthfully for $50 a Week'. Not to mention it is healthier than eating processed, packaged foods.

4. Shop at the lowest priced stores. In our area there is Aldi and Walmart, it took a while for me to change my shopping habits and shop at these stores, but eventually I made the shift. Don't forget the bakery thrift store either! I personally try to stay out of the super warehouses as I find I am tempted to spend more on unnecessary items. Not to mention the fact that you have to pay an annual fee to even shop there. The little that I do purchase there does not make an annual fee worth it for me. When our year is up, we won't be renewing.

5. Shop at produce stands. We have one less than a minute from our home---huge pumpkins are only a dollar! I just bought one at Wal-mart for $3.87 (I actually thought I was getting a deal since the pumpkins at another produce stand was way more than this!) That is highway robbery! Can I please take it back for a refund? Just kidding--but you see, if you shop at these stands you can get amazing savings, savings that beat even Aldi! Just last week they were selling a 25 lb. box of tomatoes for $4 and yesterday a 25 lb. box of plums for $2. If you know how to can this is a great investment to stretch it out over the winter--or you could also just freeze it.

6. Do garage sales and have one. Don't tell me you don't have time, most of us don't. I have 8 children whom I homeschool full time and I make sure I MAKE the time to do this. I want to help my husband as much as I can financially and this is just another way I can do this. Finding clothes at 25 cents a piece is a steal and a wonderful way to save. Dave Ramsey suggests selling all our things with 'gazelle-like intensity' in order to get out of debt and/or save money. I am still exploring this option! Also, when you shop at thrift stores, find out when they have their 1/2 off sales.

7. Stretch your meals. Once I read in a book how to stretch a chicken out for 3 days. The first day you use the breasts in a meal, the next in a casserole and the last in a soup. Unfortunately, that is hard to do in a home of 10 with just one chicken---I could probably do 2 days. But the principle still applies to other meals. I just bought a 5 lb. package of hamburger meat that I stretched out for 3 days. The first night we had tostadas, the second a casserole and today soup.

8. Live Simply, Eat Simply--Back in the old days people probably had 2 or 3 outfits in their closet-- certainly not packed up high and overflowing (what's this? I'm being convicted once again by my own post?!). They ate simple meals like beans and cornbread or potatoes and squash and food that was in season. I think it is so important to eat simply as well. We don't have to be persuaded by glitzy television cooking shows that try to convince us to try this gourmet recipe or that. Many of them have too many expensive ingredients. If we live simply we will have more time to truly enjoy life around us.

9. Go Meatless---choose to eat less meat in the week and do rice and beans for a week instead. Here is another great post with great bean ideas. Soups are easy, great for fall and rich in vitamins. This year gardening has a wonderful experience for my family. This winter I plan on learning alot more about this amazing and natural way to feed our family and double our plot and harvest for next year. My thrifty friend has some great ideas here too-at this post called 'Bringing Home the Bacon'.

10. Make do with what you have. Decorate for fall with what you have on hand at your home. Start thinking today about the holidays and gift giving. READ, READ, READ how to be a better steward of your things, food, time and money. If you do all these things in this list you will probably be able to put aside some money to help make some ends meet.

Here are a few helpful links:

The Dollar Stretcher---very complete! Love this site--has everything you can think of.

Miserly Moms--she's written some great books too

Mega Families--how to feed the big family and run a home on a budget.

The Aldi Queen--A mom pulled together this site that shows recipes, meal-plans, gift-giving and more from Aldi.

Surely you have read all this before. This is just a small reminder and encouragement to help us through some hard times. We might have to do without, and we might have to get out of our comfort zones--

but we CAN do it!

What Is A Mother?

2008-09-30T11:12:00.003-05:00

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.

~Washington Irving

On My Christmas List

2008-09-29T17:20:00.001-05:00

I always said that I thought they should write a book!

Now here it is!

The Rich Man

2008-09-27T09:35:00.009-05:00

I don't care how poor a man is...

if he has family--

he's rich.

~Dan Wilcox

First Day of School

2008-09-26T10:47:00.001-05:00

I don't usually post many pictures of our family on here (I leave that up to my daughters blog) but I just couldn't resist--so even though it was last month here they are:

We started the morning off decorating our special 'first day of school pancakes'. Then after we filled our school boxes and browsed through and labeled our new schoolbooks, we proceeded with our first day of school party of which the theme this year was borrowed from the Olympics, inspired by Brenda (thank you for all your help!)

Here are our Olympic torches.

We painted Olympic rings and hung them in our new homeschool room.

We tried our hand at our first-ever lapbooks.

We cut and pasted---not bad for trying to show six children how to do it all at one time.

This flap opens up and there are surprise pockets underneath. Isn't that neat?

Some of us slept through it all.

Then our outdoor games began. This is the high jump for the smaller children, can you see the rod between the chairs? (Don't mind the wilting tomato plants in the background)

The twins also thought they would try their hand at this event.

Stephen took our Olympics very seriously as you can see. He was wearing his 'Michael Phelps' shades.

Here is the javelin competition. We substituted large branches.

We also had relay-race events.

And we couldn't forget the gymnastics category!

"Stephen, are you okay?"

For gymnastics they had to do two tumble rolls, two cartwheels and end up in the 'splits position'. I think that was the funniest event for me to watch! We were all in stitches!

In the end everyone received their Olympic medals...and were all richly awarded with various gifts and goodies!

Thank you for viewing of first day of school pictures!

Home Is....

2008-09-25T10:32:00.000-05:00

Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule.

~Frederick W. Robertson

Remnants of Ike

2008-09-24T16:29:00.006-05:00

I know this is a little late getting this up (remember I have eight children!) but I wanted to share how the front of our home looked two weekends ago when we were supposed to receive the remnants of hurricane Ike----a few cities in our area were declared disaster areas because of the overwhelming amount of water they received. We were lucky not to get any water in our home.

In the front of our home there is an intersection, it was filled to capacity from an overflowing ditch. Also there is a man-made lake across the street stocked with fish that spilled onto the road. Cars were dying out everywhere.

Above is Ravi showing you were the street once was. Thank God our home is on a slope!

Here's the view from inside. Isn't it lovely? The water rose even higher than what you see here. That whole area in front is usually all grass, that day we could have swam across it!

Cars did their best to get by but some were no match for the water.

Too bad Nana isn't here, she'd probably like to go fishing right about now. (See the cops in the background trying to block oncoming cars?)

When a poor soul would die out from the flood waters, my husband Steve jumped in the van and ran to the rescue (and he loved every minute---he is really my hero!). He helped push alot of people out of the water like this guy above who had to wait until his car dried out to start it again. Steve also helped people well into the night. (Is there any wonder why I am enamored with him?)

We were very fortunate, however, we do have family in Galveston, Texas who were not as lucky. Please pray for our family who are trying to rebuild their lives and all the others there as well.

Thanks for viewing my flood pictures!

Purity

2008-09-23T07:29:00.006-05:00

Impure images barrage America on a daily basis. Television overflows with scantily clad men and women and billboards attempt enticement likewise. We must be careful even as women to live pure lives. Here are some areas we need to protect ourselves and our families from:

1. Romance novels (even Christian novels)

2. Children novels that discuss unbiblical sex at an early age. Ex: Judy Blume

3. Impure television shows, movies, magazines with unacceptable pictures

4. Sales flyers (models in underwear), posters

5. Radio shows, music, friends or anything that has a low value of purity

6. Exercise videos (I realized this early on with little sons in the room) I make sure all the videos are now modest! (example: Stormie Omartian has great modest workout videos)

7. Internet (pornography is rampant, images are everywhere--from you tube to art stores--make sure you have controls!)

8. Suggestive clothing

Obviously this is not exhaustive--we want to protect ourselves and our sons and daughters from the assault on purity that is so prevalent today. We all know that once an image is branded in our minds, that it is there forever. We need to teach our children how to handle being bombarded with these sexual assaults.

I also think that it is important for those of us who have been defiled by the world (and honestly now, who hasn't?) that we make firm choices to think purely. "Be holy, for I am holy." exhorts the Lord. Yes, wrong thoughts or images can flash through our minds but we are the ones who controls what stays there. It is false to say that a man is more tempted than women are, I believe, unfortunately, we all are tempted in our own ways.

Wives, we need to protect the marriage bed from becoming defiled, this includes thinking wrong thoughts and/or thinking about others. We shouldn't be thinking about other men--period. That also includes men in novels, movies real life or fantasy. Just because you are thinking about it in your mind where no one knows about it, does not mean that it is not sin! It is just as dangerous and sinful.

Most importantly is to teach ourselves and our sons and daughters the tools of self-control against images seek to grasp their souls and rule them. Train them to look away, teach them to not pull up images in their minds, give them the weapons of warfare-- Scripture regarding impurity and holiness, talk to them about grace, mercy and compassion on those who are partaking in such things. Teach them what they should be looking for in a spouse (godliness, meekness, character, humble, etc). Point to living examples around you so they know godly people exist and that they can also live in a pure way. Pray together as a family for things you've seen and/or talk about what you have been exposed to in the day.

And before you train your children, be sure to train yourself first! Talk to your husband and share what you can do to make purity a priority in your family--for you are both their primary examples, what they see you both do, they will also do.

Be sure of it.

FIREPROOF

2008-09-22T19:51:00.004-05:00

This movie will be out in four days, it is from the same producers of 'Facing the Giants'. My daughter has been waiting for this one to come out. To view the website for more info check out:
www.fireproofthemovie.com

Time for Self Examination

2008-09-16T10:22:00.009-05:00

TWENTY-TWO SELF EXAMINATION QUESTIONS

1. Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am

better than I really am?

2. Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?

3. Do I confidentially pass on to another what was told to me in confidence?

4. Can I be trusted?

5. Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?

7. Did the Bible live in me today?

8. Do I give it time to speak to me every day?

9. Am I enjoying prayer?

10. When did I last speak to someone else about my faith?

11. Do I pray about the money I spend?

12. Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?

13. Do I disobey God in anything?

14. Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?

15. Am I defeated in any part of my life?

16. Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful?

17. How do I spend my spare time?

18. Am I proud?

19. Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the

Pharisees who despised the publican?

20. Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize hold a

resentment toward or despise?

21. Do I grumble or complain constantly?

22. Is Christ real to me?

These are the 22 questions the members of the Holy Club, to which JOHN

WESLEY belonged, asked themselves each day as a part of their daily

devotions.

From Eternity Assurance.blogspot.com

Quality of Life

2008-09-11T17:30:00.006-05:00

Today in my daily women's devotional I looked to find this lovely thought awaiting me:

The wise women builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1

Who is responsible for the quality of life in that place where the family lives? The woman!

She sets the mood and maintains the atmosphere inside the home. In fact, this proverb teaches that if the woman is wise, she diligently and purposefully creates the atmosphere. She doesn't just hope it will happen.

Managers of Their Schools

2008-09-11T16:58:00.001-05:00

I have been blessed by the Maxwell family's ministry over the years. I have been challenged, inspired and have implemented many of their ideas into my homeschool and life that I use to this very day. We have seen them teach in person and my children also enjoy their music ministry as a family.

Some of their books that have been a great blessing to me are Managers of their Homes, Managers of their Chores, Keeping Our Children's Hearts and as of late I have noticed that they have a new book out..

Managers of Their Schools

If this is anything like their other books, I will have to make some room on my shelves again to accommodate! I still use much of what I've learned in those other books to run my school day smoothly with eight children underfoot--and this is a mighty task! The books are worth the money!

And if anyone is tired of the lack of quality readers out there for their children, I highly recommend Sarah Maxwell's (daughter to Steve and Terri) Moody Family Series. There is scripture to guide the children, strong family relationships and excitement. My daughters loved all four.

Other books of note from this family:

Homeschooling with a Meek & Quiet Spirit
Preparing Sons
Just Around the Corner

You can receive encouraging email newsletters from them by clicking here.

Raise Them Up

2008-09-10T16:40:00.002-05:00

"To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society"

~Theodore Roosevelt

The Child-Centered Home

2008-09-05T16:45:00.018-05:00

A reader recently commented:

I've been reading your blog for some time now. And I really admire you. I'm a stay at home mother to my 4 year old. I feel absolutely frustrated and maybe that is why now, I'm reaching out for help.

I am ashamed to admit this, but maybe someone can help me restore peace to my home.

My 4 year old runs our home. Literally. And I am at my wits end. As is my husband. I have always considered my self a gentle parent, a patient mother, who gives alot of time and attention to my child. I believe that this is my highest calling, and I cry when I think about how I am the one who must be doing everything wrong.

My daughter throws horrible tantrums. She screams at me and my husband. She tells us she hates us. She refuses to stop talking over us, when my husband and I are trying to talk with one another. She engages her father into arguments, and constantly upsets him. She wakes up in the morning and demands breakfast and cartoons. Sometimes the day begins with a tantrum. She has no respect for us. She constantly back talks.

We have removed TV, Toys, and I have let my home go, so I can spend more time with her. You see, a therapist tried to tell me that my daughter was fine, that it was me that had to bend to her will and give her my full attention around the clock.

She's going on 5. This has to stop. I don't know what to do. I don't know what information to turn to that could help bring peace into our home. It is to a point where my husband and I cannot even enjoy our home or time together when he comes home from a 10 hour shift at work. He is a patient loving father. A good husband. But all of these stresses are starting to cause cracks in our foundation. We even find ourselves arguing now with one another when the stress is high. Our home feels divided on most days. My husband and I cannot figure out how to solve the problem. He and I have talked this out almost on a weekly basis.

I'm reaching out here for anyone to please help me. I feel like I'm at my wits end. I pray so hard for something to change, and maybe I just don't have the tools or the know -how. I just want my daughter to be respectful and the tantrums to end. I cannot even function on some days that are bad.

Please help. Anyone.
Thank you.

Dear Reader,

1. Pray to God for wisdom, change,patience and tough love as you and your husband embark upon turning your home around.

2. Read Scripture about child-training and get a good book on child-training (Proverbs is great). I recommend Biblical Parenting by Don Gilchrist---read together with your husband or share with your husband the highlights of the book when he get home from work if he doesn't have time.

3. Don't listen to that therapist. In fact, don't ever go back again!

4. Let your child know you are sorry for not training her in the past and from now on things are going to change. When she yells or talks back--let her know it is unacceptable. If she does not obey, there needs to be discipline. Train her to obey you the first time. It takes time, but it is possible. Do not allow her to disobey. This is crucial to the peace of your home, your sanity, your marriage, and to raising her to one day obey God. If she cannot obey you she will have a hard time obeying Him.

5. Anger sounds like it is an issue here. Where is this little child learning all this anger? Is it from within the home? Friends? TV? You must teach your daughter self-control and how to use her anger for good. Outside of reading the Bible on this issue, I also highly recommend 'The Heart of Anger' by Lou Priolo.

6. As you begin learning how to properly train her---I encourage CONSISTENCY. I know this will be hard at first but absolutely essential if you want to gain any ground. If she sees there is a weak spot in the wall, she will go for it every time.

7. Be united in your parenting with your husband. Discuss how you will parent her and be on the same page, letting Dad take the lead. Be sure she does not try to divide you or manipulate you and your husband. She must see that you two are parenting as a team. If you disagree with anything, talk with your husband in private in the other room out of earshot. Also, know you will probably be responsible for the bulk of the training if you are at home with her most of the time. When your husband is home, let him take the lead in disciplining, etc.

8. Shepherd her heart. As much as we need God to shepherd ours--she needs her shepherded too. Teach her God's word and show her how it applies to real life. Love her with an unconditional love, but also with a tough love that doesn't want to see her perish because of her anger and lack of self-control.

9. Don't get discouraged. It is not too late. You can turn the tide. It will not be easy but you can do it. Children most of all need boundaries and feel secure when these exist. Provide these things and see your home do a complete turn around!

There is no need for the child to rule the home---peace CAN reign, but it takes God, hardwork, time and love. Know that you and your husband are doing the right thing both for your daughters sake and your home. While I cannot address all I'd like to on such a broad topic such as parenting in one post---I hope this little bit helps.

May the Lord bless your parenting endeavors!

To She Who Has Given Up

2008-09-05T08:37:00.002-05:00

"I am giving up. I cannot go on any longer. Things cannot continue to go on like this. I can't take anymore. It is just better for us to be apart."

My heart was torn apart as I firmly replied:

"Do not give up. You have continue to fight. For your marriage and your children. Satan wants to steal, kill and destroy your marriage. You are the only one in your home who is holding the walls up because of God. Deep down inside you know this is what God wants you to do. He doesn't want you to leave. He hates divorce."

"I don't know. I just don't know anymore."

"No, you do know. You have to get focused and keep your eyes on God. You are in the midst of a storm right now and you must hold on to the Rock. That is what will keep you standing."

"I don't know. I can't."

"If you give up, just know that there is still someone fighting for your marriage. It's me. I will be praying for you when you can't pray anymore. You are like a runner in a race--when they get close to the finish line they are weary, they feel they can't make it. Then someone runs in next to them and starts to yell 'You can do it! Don't give up! Your almost there! Don't stop now!' Well, I am that person and you cannot give up. There is total devastation when divorce occurs, not peace. That is a lie. God can make things change in a marriage right when we think there is no more hope."

Dear friends, if any one of my readers are going through something similar--this post is for you. Do not give up on yourself, your husband or your marriage. God can take the worst of marriages and redeem them and make them the most brilliant work in His tapestry.

You must stand and fight with all that it takes because so much is at stake. Your choices today will impact generations tomorrow. To believe the world's lies that things will be better on your own is a mistake. Don't buy into the lie. I have seem God do miracles in marriages because He has done that in my own life and it is all to his glory.

I will be quick to add that many marriages going through distress need wise and godly counseling--and just as importantly it takes God, time, patience, steadfastness, courage, humility, support, and faith. It takes knowing the word of God and willing to apply it even when the other party is not.

So stand firm, dear one, God has not forsaken you, He is with you every step of the way. For the scriptures declare:

"He is close to the broken-hearted and he binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

Materialism VS. Thriftiness

2008-09-01T08:45:00.011-05:00

I stumbled upon a great study from Peggy at HomeMAKING, she challenges us with these questions:

The Thrifty Wife: Using money wisely and cutting where able

Do we enjoy yard sales, thrift sales, Goodwill Shops?
Do we use coupons when we can?
Are we wise shoppers?
Do we make a grocery list and stick to it?
Do we make as much as we know how to from scratch to save money?
Can we accept hand me downs?
Do we try to pinch corners where we can to save some of our husbands hard earned money?

Here are my thoughts:

American wives today need to be more frugal. We need to plan ahead and better organize our homes. We often buy too much in the name of saving our husbands money. Instead I think our husbands would appreciate if we just did not spend so much to begin with. We justify our purchases by insisting it was an irresistable sale--saving our family loads of money but later finding that we hardly used the item at all and now we are wondering why it is taking up precious space.

What if we just lived simply? If we just drowned out the voices of the world to purchase more and more and instead listened to the still quiet voice of God convicting us to be better managers of our homes and children? We manage our time quite inefficiently and squander so much of it on trivial pursuits. Shopping is a sport in America and it seems we are training for the Olympics!

What would it be like to come home to a simple home--a simple meal--a wife who didn't have to spend the entire day managing and decluttering their possessions or spent hours accumulating more and more. She had clarity of mind to focus on her husband and not that mess that was accumulating throughout the home from her shopping sprees. Dinner would be on time, she didn't over buy on food because she knew just what she had in the pantry (she even used some leftovers because she knew what was in the fridge and didn't want to waste perfectly good food) and she actually preplanned meals so she wouldn't be put in the last minute 'what are we going to do for dinner' predicament. She would have more time to spend with the children because she wasn't gone 'shopping' all day (all over town or on-line) and her home would be ordered because she would have spent time at home and not in the mall.

This boils down to self-control. Self control to stop being out-of-control 21st century consumers and buying into the propaganda of retailers who insist that we need to have it all. We need to not believe the lies of insisting we need the _____ for this reason or other especially if we cannot afford it.

I believe we would find true happiness because we would learn the true meaning of contentment. Scriptures state '"Godliness with contentment is great gain." and Paul had learned how to be content in every situation--having plenty and having nothing. When will we learn this as wives and mothers? It is our time to start saying "No."

Shopping can become an addiction that give us a temporary 'high' that eventually ends in discontentment---but clearly our responsibility as Christian wives and mothers is to redeem, esteem and model the biblical virtue of contentedness.

Parents of the Year

2008-08-28T12:07:00.005-05:00

Our favorite family is the Duggar family--this past summer these phenomenal parents to 18 childen were nominated "Parents of the Year":

We recently received an invitation to their older son-- Joshua's wedding.

Congratulations, Joshua! May you be richly blessed as you start this new journey in life with your new wife and family!

Here is a glimpse of Michelle's Duggars inspiring patience:

I believe she inspires so many woman around the world with her gentleness, patience, love for the Lord and organization---wouldn't you agree?

Thank you for being so courageous and generous in sharing your life with us, Michelle and family!

Moms With Small Blessings

2008-08-26T07:46:00.004-05:00

A dear reader recently commented:

"I have been struggling with feeling depressed being home with my two toddlers, plus one on the way. I asked my husband if I could get a job in the evenings because I feel like I've got to get out - like I'm going a little crazy. Did you ever go through this? Some days I just feel like my four walls are closing in on me - literally - we have a small house and I feel stuck sometimes. Everything you wrote about I have a heart for, it's just really really hard sometimes."

Dear Sweet Mother With Small Blessings,

I can remember the season of my life with many small ones, one right after another and feeling just how you felt. You are a not alone. A wonderful little magazine came into my life called 'Above Rubies' which I highly recommend you subscribe to (used to be free, I'm not sure if it still is), which helped me gain perspective on this blessed time in my life and helped change the way I viewed my season of raising little ones. Here are some thoughts:

1. Seek God. He will refresh you, give you strength when you are weary, He will refocus you on your calling as a mother and He will give you wisdom on just how to do it. Pray earnestly to Him and He will help you.

2. Embrace this special time in your life. They will only be little for a short time. Make the most of it. Relish it and enjoy it. Do all that you ever wanted to do with them and revel in this precious time. Try not to think negatively, surround yourself with friends/godly woman who will encourage you in your role and season that you are in. Sometimes if you surround yourself with the wrong people it actually can hinder your thoughts and your mothering!

3. Establish a routine at home. Since you have so many little ones you will want to look for pockets of rest or down time so that you can rejuvenate yourself. Train the children to have their own downtime--have them go sit on their beds and look at a book or lay them down regularly for nap time. Naptimes are wonderful because great things can happen when a mom who is rested! Establish a regular 'quiet time' in your home. Don't try to do anything that would stress you out that other moms might be doing--understand this season of your life and take it joyfully one day at a time.

4. Train your children when they are small. Scriptures declare "Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul." If small children are not trained they can wreak havoc on a home and even on the best of moms! And remember that this is an on-going process so don't get discouraged because training is for 'the long haul'.

4. If you need to get out, try going on walks, go to the park, meet with friends who have little ones like you. I personally didn't try to get a job because I knew that my energies were needed at home and also heard so many stories of woman who just found themselves more exhausted and unhappy because they could not 'keep up' with work and their responsibilities at home. In the end, it just did not seem worth it for me. I decided to just tweak some things at home and understand what season I was in and practice the virtue contentment. When I began to learn motherhood was a high-calling, I was determined not to leave these little darlings for anything--unless I absolutely had to. (I am not saying it is wrong to work, especially if your husband has asked you to do this, then by all means do submit to him--but if it is just a need to get out, I would highly suggest other means.) Could you wait until your husband got home and then plan an outing just for yourself? I leaned more on doing something like that and it helped immensely, knowing that I would have special time for rest later.

Motherhood is a precious, special time in our lives. We are not alone in this precious journey--mothers from all walks of life share our same struggles and challenges. May the Lord help us all to stay focused and be the kind of mothers He desires for us to be through thick and thin as we faithfully raise the next generation for His purposes.

A Woman's Heart

2008-08-23T08:59:00.001-05:00

"A woman's heart should be so close to God that a man should have to chase Him to find her."

---C.S. Lewis