Fire & Hammer

Testimony of Unanswered Prayer

2009-11-20T18:30:00.000-05:00

I have a short list of unanswered prayers. Probably not what you expected in the first line of a testimony but when we tell others about God we should tell the truth. The truth is God has not answered a few of my prayers. Is there something wrong with these prayers? No, in fact God has confirmed His agreement with the requests. Yet He still has not answered. If you think that is funny you will really be amused when you hear that I am perfectly okay with His not answering. By leaving my list unanswered God has made prayer a tool which in His hands has done the perfect work of making me a better person.

At times the process has been nothing less than a frustrating pain. As I patiently endured trying to figure out why God would delay His answers, I suffered with doubt and at times became angry. I questioned God, wondering what kind of being would receive my prayers and respond with a simple, “Not yet.” I begged and asked Him why I had to wait if He agreed that these requests are good for His Kingdom. You see, while one of the requests has to do with a personal situation all of the rest have to do with the furtherance of the kingdom; as if I could dictate to God what is best for His ministry. And there in lies the reason why He says I must wait and why I am now thankful that He did not answer.

While the ideas over which I prayed were good, my motivation was off base. My focus was on what I could do for the kingdom and not on the King to whom the kingdom belongs. Plus I was still carrying some baggage from my past, leftovers from a life of co-dependency (many of these I have mentioned in previous posts) and those bags would have slowed my progress towards God’s goals. God did not answer my prayers because He had another project in mind, the one where He works on my heart. Thank God for doing things His way.

I believe it is God’s will to answer every prayer on my unanswered prayer list. But He will do so in His perfect timing, not my timing. He will do so when my heart is ready to receive from His hand, and He will not wait one moment beyond that time. The testimony of unanswered prayer is the testimony of the wisdom and power of God. Yes He hears our prayers but he also knows what is best. When God says wait and even when He says no, trust in him. This is His opportunity to demonstrate His true nature to you, revealing His best. Avoid the temptation to become angry and frustrated. Do not give in to doubt. If you submit and obey God you will one day see the reason for any delay and you will thank Him for how He handles you and your prayers.

An Email Reminder of the Power of God

2009-11-19T18:30:00.000-05:00

Something awesome happened the other day. God revealed His power via email, with a reminder that He is in complete control. I received a very important email which subsequently disappeared from my inbox. I think I may have deleted the email and did not notice until after I had cleared the deleted email folder. Hoping I had not made such a stupid mistake I rechecked my inbox but that very important email was gone.

Unfortunately I did not have the email address of the person who sent the email. Knowing that I had a few days before the deadline on which I would have to act upon the information, I made a note in my PDA reminding me to find the address so that I could ask for another copy. I logged out of the account hoping the senders address would be readily available. It was not. That is when God stepped in.

The next morning I logged on and checked email. Plowing ahead with the business at hand I read my new email, determined to clear my inbox. After hitting delete on the last new email I was surprised when the text of the missing email appeared. My inbox did not list the email even after reading the information on this second day. Yet, I was able to read and forward the email to another account.

I cannot explain how an important email that was erased from my inbox could suddenly reappear. Techies and geeks will probably point to some glitch in the email system. One way or another God was watching out for me and found a way to restore what I had lost. Be it miracle or fortuitous e-hiccup, God’s sovereignty and power were revealed as He showed how He takes care of those who focus on Him.

Rifqa Barry Update

2009-11-17T18:30:00.000-05:00

Now back in Ohio Rifqa Barry awaits her next court date and the decision as to where she will live for the next few months. Originally scheduled for the 16th the hearing has been moved to December 22nd.

Meanwhile supporters staged a rally outside the court in support of Barry. According to written reports speakers at the rally framed the case as an issue of religious freedom (see report in Columbus Dispatch). The rally was a continued call for the courts to protect Barry who fears for her life after converting to Christianity.

Please continue in prayer for Rifqa Barry, asking that the courts get this one right. As you pray, remember to put your trust in God and not in man. In foster care or back with her family Barry is still under the divine authority of God and we must trust in His sovereignty with a firm conviction that this will go according to his perfect plan. Pray for Rifqa Barry to receive God’s peace as she lives daily. Remember to pray for her parents and for other members of her family and community. Pray also for those who live under religious persecution around the world, as there are countries where people suffer daily and many are killed because of their faith in Christ.

Finding Direction in Christ

2009-11-16T18:30:00.000-05:00

I have always admired people who know where they are going in life. A strong sense of direction and the confidence to stick to the path are such powerful indicators of character as to become something very attractive in a person. I suppose I am drawn to this trait because it has been lacking in my own character. The fact is I am the double minded person spoken of in the Bible, unstable and driven to and fro by the waves of life. This is not something I am proud of, trying for years to hide giving the impression of confidence. Having accepted the truth of my double mindedness I was forced to ask, “How does a double mind learn to focus on a single purpose?”

A lack of direction and the insecurity of double mindedness are the norm for co-dependency. Inherent to the drunk-sober cycle of the addicted family is an ever changing sense of reality that does not allow for a life based on a foundation of truth. Without truth it is difficult to find direction or to maintain the confidence to follow any given path. While I could focus great amounts of energy on a project for a relatively short time this is not the same as being headed in a specific direction. Most of the time my life was made up of a series of responses to circumstance, like an animal acting out of instinct there was no real human life.

Looking to the Bible for direction lead me to one conclusion. If I focus on seeking God, putting aside all else that I might know Christ, He will order my life giving me direction and a single mind. Again and again the Bible says to put God first: “In all your ways acknowledge Him,” “Delight yourself in the Lord,” “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.” Each time the message is simple: follow God. Each time there is a promise: He will make you…” In revealing the nature of God the Bible instructs us to look for God with the knowledge that we will find life.

As I seek the face of God I find the door to new opportunities opened. Anchored by the Gospel I find that the winds and waves remain but I am no longer tossed to and fro. With new energy and vigor I am finding new opportunities on the horizon, each aligned to allow me to succeed at God’s plan. I now know where I am going and confidence builds with each step. What had been a long term problem is removed by an ancient solution. As I seek God first, I find direction in Christ.

I’m Not the Only One

2009-11-13T18:30:00.000-05:00

Every now and then I find that God has orchestrated my day in such a way as to establish a sort of theme. This past Thursday had a theme best described as “I’m not the only one.”

As a teen, locked in the prison of co-dependency, I thought I was the only one holding a losing hand. I stood trying to hide the dark family secrets kept behind the immaculate public persona so carefully crafted by my mother. But while I kept her public image in tact I suffered deep wounds at the hands of the one who was called by God to protect me. I thought I was the only one enduring the battles that are a natural part of living with addiction and as an adult I thought I was the only one who struggled with the emotional landmines left waiting to be triggered by some innocent bystander who said the wrong thing. Thursday was a day of reminders, each telling me that I’m not the only one.

Thursday morning I was treated to the testimonies of a group of people who learned to forgive their parents for wounds inflicted during youth. Focus on the Family International ran a program on “Healing Family Wounds.” The guests and even the guest-host spoke of how their parents left them with such heavy baggage as to almost cripple them, keeping them from moving forward in adult life. One panel member called his mother “psychotic” which helped me realize that there are others who deal with the truth that their parents had major issues. As I listened to the program I felt a little less alone in the world, knowing that my abnormal childhood was not a one of a kind deal.

While still digesting the revelations from the radio program I read a blog post written by Michael Hyatt (CEO Thomas Nelson Publishers) in which he admits to sometimes saying things he later regrets. The numerous comments on the post show that there are others trying to learn the lesson of hitting the pause button in “The Space Between the Stimulus and the Response.” How many times should I have hit the pause button? I’ve lost count and it does not help that other Christians treat me as if I am some dangerous backslider just because I lost my cool once or twice…or maybe more. Reading Mr. Hyatt’s post and watching people share their own experiences is a powerful reminder that I’m not the only one and I am not beyond help.

Is this a case of ‘misery loves company?’ Not at all, just a case of needing to feel normal after many years of feeling like a wart on the body of Christ. Yes that is how I felt and the well meaning words of better than perfect Christians did not help. Being told to get my act together, stop being angry and remember to protect my ministry did not help me solve the problem I could not pinpoint. However knowing that others deal with the same problems helps me become comfortable with facing those problems and with finding the root cause. The testimonies of those who have been successful in dealing with these issues lets me know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m not the only one and neither are you. What hinders your life, causing you to fall short of your dreams? Is your background one of co-dependency, abuse, or some other family wound that still cripples you? Do you struggle with anger issues or with a tendency to swallow your foot down to your ankle? Do you struggle with loneliness, depression, etc…? You are not the only one and you are not alone.

P.S. Christians say they are delivered by God, his gift of salvation. Even as a Christian I found myself wondering, “Delivered from what?” The easy answer is we are delivered from sin and death, no longer destined to live eternity separated from God. There is an additional bonus included in God’s gift to you: the Spirit of God working directly on your heart and my heart to set us free from co-dependency, from loneliness, from all of these things that would pull us down. I thank God for delivering me from my past. Have you let him work to deliver you?

Veterans’ Day 2009

2009-11-11T18:30:00.000-05:00

As a young child I thought the word “veteran” only applied to solders returning from Vietnam. I was too young to understand what was going on in the war but I remember having a sense that the returning solders, these veterans, were not to be embraced. This view would change when I learned that several members of my family had served in the military and that people I loved and looked up to as a child had fought in both Korea and Vietnam.

Today there are members of the American Family fighting overseas in the Middle East. Many more serve our country on bases at home and on foreign soil. As we were reminded last week danger can visit even on our own land, on our own military bases. We need to pray for all of our solders. We should be willing to salute them, to thank them, and to support them and their families no matter our opinions of the current wars.

To those who volunteer(ed) to serve: Thank you!

See also: “Celebrating Lives of Sacrifice”

When God Strikes

2009-11-09T18:30:00.000-05:00

There are times when God steps in and royally messes up my schedule. As someone who is, well to put it mildly, a bit anal when it comes to being on time I often struggle when God strikes right at the heart of my perfect timing. I’d ask Him to stop, my pride showing its ugly head, but the simple fact is that when God shakes up my schedule the outcome is always something good. On God’s timing I always find that what He wants to accomplish is right on time.

Last week a series of events lead to me being late for my son’s football practice. As a result my usual parking spot was taken and I had to park on a different street. This left me with a slightly longer walk than I wanted. Bothered by my own tardiness I never stopped to think that God had me and my car exactly where He wanted us, when He wanted us. God knows the future and He knew I needed to park exactly where I was. Fortunately He was also patient with my complaining, bearing with me until His plan came to light.

At the end of practice, after most of the kids had left, we turned off the lights on the field and the coaches headed to their cars. Because of where I parked I had to head in a different direction from that which I would have normally taken when leaving on other nights. This different way put me at an angel where my headlights swept across the practice field. It was but a flash but as the rays of my lights moved across the green grass I caught a glimpse of a uniform number. As it turned out one of our kids was left alone on the field in the dark, his parents not yet there to pick him up. Had I not been facing the wrong way, had I not been late for practice, this child may have been left there to stand all by himself. I truly believe God orchestrated my schedule to make sure I was in position to see this child and to stop for his sake.

When God strikes at the heart of my schedule He is always up to something awesome; something that reminds me that His will is perfect. How do you respond when God points you in a different direction or when he delays you just enough to throw you off your routine? Pride would cause us to focus on the disruption. A heart of humility, molded by the hand of Christ, will cause us to look up and ask God what He wants to accomplish. His ways are not our ways and His timing is not our timing. But we can always count on the fact that God’s timing is perfect.

Fathers: Teaching beyond Your Family

2009-11-03T18:30:00.000-05:00

I find that as I live beyond my comfort zone I move into situations where I can influence several of my children’s friends. In particular as an assistant coach of my son’s football team I find myself challenged with opportunities to help a great group of young boys see their own potential. These are not opportunities I seek for myself but doors opened by God, with an expectation that I will have a positive impact. An incident this past weekend really opened my eyes as to how important it is for today’s father to be ready to teach not just his own children but his neighbor’s children as well.

One of my son’s teammates found himself being teased by other members of the team after their game. I did not witness what happened and only learned of the seriousness of the events after they were over. By the time I came upon the scene the child was crying and began to speak of how he wanted to quit the team. The Lord was gracious and gave me the words to encourage the child to continue playing and to talk about not letting others take away his dreams. I hope he thinks about what was said and I thank God for putting me at the right place at the right time.

We live in a time when single parent families are common and a lot of single moms are doing their best to prepare their children for the future. It would be nice to hide behind my own door and say these children are not my responsibility. Doing so would shine as a great example of selfishness, ignoring the need our communities have for men to stand beside the many children who live without a strong male presence. These children are often wounded and/or left adrift, hungry for someone to come along side with a word of encouragement. Eventually they will become our leaders, acting without a clue as to what leadership and/or masculinity should look like.

I know of this need from my own childhood. I know the pain of being teased or feeling like an outsider and not having someone at home to teach me how to deal with life. I remember quitting because of a lack of support when I needed the strength that comes with a male shoulder. Yet, even as I knew this pain, I chose to hide thinking I had nothing to offer. Now with God challenging me to step outside my comfort zone I find that He provides the tools I need to make a difference. What He wants to see is a willing heart.

What does God see in your heart? Does He see a heart willing to reach beyond your own four walls? The opportunities to teach and to be an example are out there. Open up and let God use you to touch the lives of our future.

Prayer for Rifqa Barry on Her Return to Ohio

2009-10-30T18:30:00.000-04:00

As has been widely reported, a judge in Florida has decided Rifqa Barry should be returned to Ohio where she will stay with a foster family while waiting for a court hearing. I encourage readers to continue in prayer. We need to pray that the Ohio court ruling is based on fact and not on political correctness or on a knee jerk reaction to an emotional issue. Pray also for peace for Barry who, based on reports, still fears for her life.

I know many Christians believe that returning Barry to Ohio brings her a step closer to her death. That could well be true. However we must remember the God we serve: the God to whom Rifqa Barry professes her faith. The Bible is filled with men and women whose lives were threatened because of their faith and/or nationality. God was able to protect them and he is able to protect Rifqa Barry.

Let us also remember to pray for her family. If Rifqa Barry truly believes in Christ there is nothing her family can do to her that measures up to what happens to those who deny the truth of the Gospel. Pray that their eyes will be open and that they will see the truth.

How Do You Know God Is Listening?

2009-10-28T18:30:00.000-04:00

I Kings 18:21-29

The world has a number of religions, each calling on a higher power with the expectation that someone is listening. Some even claim to call upon the same God, though they believe different things about him. Some claim they can pray directly while others must pray via angels or dead ancestors or by using the names of past believers. So what is the basis of the Christian claim? How do we know that God hears when we pray? What would you tell someone if they asked how you know that God listens when you pray?

When asked how they know that God answers prayer I find that most Christians begin to talk about all the great things they believe God has done. They testify to great miracles, speaking of people being healed and problems being swept away. Songs are written and whole sermons preached on how one person’s debt was cleared while another was spared from some accident all because they called upon the Lord. These testimonies are important as they encourage others and show our dependence upon God, but at the same time there are people of other faiths (or with no faith at all) who can claim similar experiences: people who follow other religions and are just as sure as we that their god hears their voice. The corner stone of the foundation of the Christian belief in the power of prayer is the death and resurrection of Christ and his promise that God will answer.

Matthew 27:50-51

When Jesus died on the cross a barrier was removed. This barrier stood between righteous God and sinful man. Christ’s death opened a door and in his blood we are cleansed, allowing us access to stand before God (Hebrews 10:19-20). The resurrection is evidence of his victory over sin and death, the declaration that God’s plan of salvation is complete. With this declaration comes certification that the promises of God will be kept in Christ. Thus by his word we know that whatever we ask in the name of Jesus God hears and will respond according to his will (John 14:13-14).

Because Jesus died and rose on the third day and because he promised our prayers would be heard, the true follower of Christ is able to know for certain. Even the voice of mustard seed sized faith is heard by the Almighty. This is the system established by God that we should have no doubts, able to walk daily knowing we have his attention. Testimonies of answered prayer are the physical manifestations of the work of God but they are not the bedrock on which we should lay our faith. The testimony of Christ and the historical record of his death and resurrection are the answer to the question: the reason we know our prayers are heard.

See also: “God’s Emphasis on Prayer”
“Prayer, Our Way of Connecting with God”

Prayer for Ethiopia (the Federal Democratic Republic of Ethiopia)

2009-10-26T18:30:00.000-04:00

Twenty-five years ago 1 million people died during a massive drought in east Africa. News reports of famine with pictures of malnourished children were routine on the evening news in the United States, with Ethiopia becoming synonymous with starvation. Today the region is again faced with drought and the possibility of a large number of deaths. As a result the government of Ethiopia has called for enough food to feed 6.2 million people.

The lack of rain is a major problem for a nation of people who are heavily dependant on the land for sustenance. This year’s harvest is expected to be small and the cost of supplementing the lost crops is very high due to a spike in food prices during last year’s world economic crisis (See report at wsj.com). The nation has not prepared for this crisis and has not made the needed investment in infrastructure or in the agricultural base that would allow the people to weather such a storm. Its people must again depend on the United States which, according to the Wall Street Journal, represents 70%-80% of the aid received by the Ethiopian people.

Prayer Needs:
The people of Ethiopia need food. While it may be too late for this year’s crop, I suspect they need rain in order to help with next year’s planting. They also need non-food aid such as help with building wells and storage systems for keeping food for emergencies. The nation needs medicine as well as help with preventing malaria. With elections coming in 2010 the nation’s government is also an area that needs prayer.

This week I ask that you join with me in praying for the needs of the people of Ethiopia.

Should Megan’s Law Extend to the Church Pew?

2009-10-23T18:30:00.001-04:00

The people of North Carolina are witness to a collision between the duty of the government to protect its citizens and the duty of the church to extend the Gospel to all, even those who have committed crimes. James Nichols was arrested after attending Sunday church services (See FoxNews.com). A convicted sex offender, Nichols is barred by state law from coming within 300 feet of any childcare center. He did not realize he was in violation of this restriction when he visited a church which offered babysitting services for parents during services. Should the government, in the name of protecting children, be able to extend the reach of Megan’s Law to the church pews?

I personally believe any person who is not incarcerated or the subject of an arrest warrant should enjoy the liberty of being able to attend church. That being said the pastor should receive a Megan’s Law notification prior to a convicted offender visiting the church. Notification would give the one who should best know his congregation the opportunity to decide on a course of action. The church doors should remain open without government interference with the appropriate attention paid to the details needed to protect families both in and around the church building.

Prior to Megan’s Law the members of the church had no way of knowing about the convict sitting next to them. Megan’s Law should be used to protect children but there must be a way to do so without isolating a broken person from the benefits of the Gospel. After all we Christians claim that there is a great deal of power in the Gospel, the power to set men and women free, and I believe each individual church should have the right to prayerfully decide how to deal with those who cross the threshold without interference from the state.

For the record I do not think every church is prepared to handle a convicted sex offender. Such a situation would call for a level of spiritual maturity, where the members of the church are able to see people as God sees them. The leadership of the church must be willing to extend the love of Christ while exercising the wisdom we are told to receive from God, understanding the duty of the church to protect the vulnerable. Churches that are lead by the Spirit of God to welcome someone who has served their time should be allowed to do so. We should when ever possible avoid government barriers that would keep people from the truth.

God’s Example of Discipline

2009-10-19T18:30:00.000-04:00

Genesis 3:22-24

I wish I could say my kids are perfect. But they are normal children who sometimes don’t do what is right. So I find myself looking for examples of how to handle my less than perfect little angels. I appreciated the examples set by older parents and their advice. Also, there are some great examples found in the Bible, starting with our Creator. How God responded to Adam and Eve after their sin gives us a great example of how we should handle our children when they do wrong.

Adam and Eve disobeyed a direct command from God. In His response God gives them the opportunity to own up to their transgressions. He then delivers his punishment. There is no attempt at psychology nor does he spend a lot of time in long discussion. God did not worry about Adam’s or Eves’ psyche. He simply punishes without debate. In verse 22 we see his reason for reacting as he did.

In verse 22 we see that God is truly concerned about the well being of Adam and Eve. I suppose we could read this verse in a way that gives the impression that God is simply out to keep the two people from becoming like gods, but this is where we must keep the verse in the context of the entire Bible. God is described fair and just. If this is true than God would never hold something back just to keep us from becoming our best. Thus I think it safe to say that Adam and Eve had to leave the Garden of Eden for their own good. This is in line with the explanation given in the Bible for why God chastises his children.

Hebrews 12:11

God acts for our good. When he chastens his actions are pinpointed to bring about righteousness in the lives of his children. His goal is not to tear down the person or to make someone feel bad. He works to mold us in his image, working to break off those aspects of our character which do not align with his design. God does not discipline out of anger or out of spite. He reacts to us out of love and with the desire to make us better. This is the example we should follow as parents.

What will best help our children learn from their sins and prepare them for the future? That should be the goal for every parent when having to deal with negative behavior. We must look for ways to replace bad with good. We must train the child and not simply punish. Parenting is a call, holy and righteous in the eyes of God. We must make sure we answer this call in a way that builds up without tearing down. The goal must be to do what is best for the child, without giving in to the fleshly desire to simply do what is convenient.

Bush Ignores EPA Email. What Else Did They Ignore?

2009-10-16T18:30:00.000-04:00

A relative recently asked if I still follow politics as closely as I had in the past. I do but I do not blog about politics as often. There are many reasons for this. Mainly I find I am unable to tell who the good guys are as I watch our leaders drift away from the ideals of the common good, taking up whatever position best suits their personal agendas. As exhibit ‘A’ I present reports of a Bush era EPA email that was conveniently ignored (see AP report).

My biggest problem with the global warming crowd has been the tendency among its most vocal adherents to attempt to squash debate. Rather than encourage open scientific debate the greens stoop to name calling and personal attacks. But it was clear even before the latest revelations that those who spoke against global warming were also in their own way attempting to avoid open and honest dialogue. By ignoring an EPA email the Bush administration sent a clear message that their agenda was the only one that mattered, even if the truth told a different story.

This latest revelation is one of many which have left me disappointed in the former administration. These sorts of tricks make it difficult to know who is worthy of my support. It was politics as usual and I suspect that continues to be the case no matter which party is in charge. This might be good for television ratings but is it really good for our nation?

A Look in the Mirror

2009-10-13T18:30:00.000-04:00

Every now and then God delivers a message that can only be interpreted as time to stop. I received such a message yesterday which is why I missed the scheduled Monday blog post. When I finally listened and stopped to see what God wanted he held up a mirror. At first I turned away, figuring I already knew what I look like. But God was persistent, leaving me little room to maneuver until I gave in and looked.

At first what I saw in the mirror was a shock. However, as I thought about the reflection I realized that I knew the truth all along. As much as I would like to boast of my faith my Christian walk is not where I would like. There are areas where I have tried to get God to take a back seat, having my priorities completely reversed. I would claim ignorance but the truth is I simply did not want to let go. Fortunately God holds up the mirror in order to give me the chance to decide on a course correction.

What do you see when you look in God’s mirror? Perhaps I should ask if you have recently taken the time to stop and look in His mirror. There is a good chance you will not like what you see but be encouraged. God does not reveal the truth to tear you down, nor is he looking for opportunities to point a finger. God’s mirror is designed for one purpose and one purpose only: for you to see the truth and respond in the freedom to choose the right path.

See also: “How God Deals with the Heart”

It’s Friday: What I am working on for next week

2009-10-09T18:30:00.000-04:00

Partly cloudy and in the seventies: what a wonderful day it has been. Between work family and the weather I have not had time to work on a post for today. But I will be back on Monday and here is what I am working on for next week:

For Monday I am studying God’s handling of Adam and Eve, searching for guidance on how parents should react when our children are less than perfect.

Later in the week I hope to ask if the government should be able to keep criminals out of the church. A court challenge down south asks this question in the context of a man who is guilty of sexual misconduct involving minors. Should he be barred from attending church service?

Also, for next week I hope to look at the cultural shift in the United States where more people running away from organized religion while still claiming a belief in a higher power. Has Christ lost touch with modern man or has his church lost its message?

See you all next week. Have a great weekend and remember to thank God for all of his blessings.

Breaking the Curse of Co-dependency

2009-10-07T18:30:00.000-04:00

Luke 4:18

Alcoholism and addiction tend to run as a family trend, a curse following generation after generation. So when I, as a college student living in the south, decided to never again touch a drop of alcohol I thought I had won a major victory. I had avoided and perhaps beaten the addiction, declaring myself a victor where others in my family had failed. But the curse of alcoholism is not in the physical aspects of the disease. The real curse lies in the mind and in the heart where the co-dependent embraces the philosophies which created the addiction in the first place.

I believe alcoholism is but an external symptom of something going really wrong on the inside. As I look back I see in my mother signs that she had quit on herself long before her disease became evident. She had internalized a series of negative thoughts which she proceeded to pass on to me. I also internalized thoughts of failure, low self-esteem becoming a way of life for me even as I hid behind layers of mediocrity. I have not been drunk since college but my mind was derailed by the curse of bad thinking that is the root cause of alcoholism.

Today I can be brutally honest with myself, recognizing the series of squandered opportunities littering the path behind me. I can admit that I am unable to break a curse which has buried many a victim before me. But as I look forward I find hope for a better future with my mind being set free in Christ. The power of the Gospel has brought me liberty, the one thing on earth that consistently turns lives around. Alcoholism is a curse that continues in the mind of the family even when the bottle runs dry. Fortunately Christ specializes in setting the mind, heart, body, and spirit free.

See also “Co-dependency and Negative Self Talk”
“The Power of God on a Personal Level”

Stepping Off the Co-Dependent Path

2009-10-05T18:30:00.000-04:00

Proverbs 14:12

What would you do if you were a passenger in a car which was slowly being driven by a loved one towards the edge a cliff? Naturally you would say something to the driver to make sure they understood the peril that lies ahead. You may even attempt to turn the steering wheel or perhaps knock the car out of gear, anything to avoid the catastrophe that lies ahead. But what if your attempts to stop or redirect the vehicle failed, the driver determined to destroy both the car and lives inside? There is a point where most of us would probably jump out of the car, knowing we would be leaving a loved one to their doom. However for the co-dependent jumping from the car is not an option as the fear of switching paths is often too much to bear.

We all know the alcoholic is on a path to destruction, much like the driver in the example above. Though made light of on old television programs (think Otis on the Andy Griffith Show) in reality the alcoholic is suffering in a way that a night sleeping it off in jail will never heal. But what we often overlook is the affect the alcoholic has on family, those passengers whose only reason for being “along for the ride” is those ties which are difficult even impossible to unbind. For these co-dependents the destruction to come is inevitable and instead of trying to change course they often enable the driver to accelerate down the path.

The co-dependent does not know of a better path. To them that road toward the cliff is the only way to go. It is the path that seems right, the way to maintain some semblance of family or of ‘love’ which is a necessary part of human development. The co-dependent is paralyzed by the thought that what’s outside the car might be worse than what is in the car, better to face destruction with a loved one than to face the possibilities of choosing a different path. The co-dependent mind is locked, needing something more than the familiar reminder of how their lives are different. Simply put, no matter how brutally painful the path of co-dependency may become it is seen as the right way and/or the only way: a path not easily forsaken.

There is good news for the co-dependent. There is one who was sent to set people free, including the co-dependent. There is one who offers a different path, one that is real and offers a truly better way. He specializes in setting captives free and includes the co-dependent on his guest list. It may seem odd to the co-dependent but this deliverer does not ask for heroics, nor does he expect the co-dependent to carry the world in order to be saved. The demands to which the co-dependent has grown accustom are not a part of God’s formula, as he offers his love without condition. His is the path away from destruction; the path to eternal life and to fulfillment and joy. All he asks is that you believe in him and receive him according to the will of the one who sent him to die on the cross for your sake.

It would take years to describe the freedom I have experienced in Christ. I am not perfect but I am changed, and the old chains of co-dependency no longer direct my path. Where I once saw only the misery of life’s lowest points I now know the hope that comes with a relationship with the creator of all things. While there may be pitfalls in my path, I walk knowing there are no more cliffs. I am no longer bound to a legacy of destructive acts, free to find the truth and to avoid continuing in the way that only seems right. This is the message of the Gospel and I have seen it in my own life as the Lord has rolled up his sleeves and taken on the task of making me free.

I could never leave co-dependency on my own and no mere words could have changed my course. The power of the Gospel has changed my direction according to God’s will. He offers to use his power in the same way in the lives of all who call upon him by faith. Have you accepted the invitation to walk the path of truth?

Men: The Pillar in the Home

2009-10-02T18:30:00.004-04:00

Malachi 4:5-6

Chicago’s Museum of Science and Industry and the Field Museum of Natural History: two buildings that hold a special place in my heart. As a child I looked forward to family and school trips to the museums, and to the opportunities presented to see the world beyond the streets of my home town of Gary Indiana. From the Field Museum’s Woolly Mammoth to the coal mine at the science museum, I never grew tired of visiting and learning nor have I ever overcome awe felt when standing among the collection of God’s handiwork and of man’s God given ability to grow. Yet as impressed as I was (am) at the exhibits inside, these two buildings were (are) testaments to greatness in their own rights.

I could spend hours just staring at either of the two buildings. Even as a child I loved the large columns worn by the two, especially the ones at the Museum of Science. Originally a part of the 1893 World’s Columbian Exposition, the building was first called the Palace of Fine Arts. According to the museum website Philanthropist and Sears, Roebuck and Company chairman Julius Rosenwald pledged $3 million toward the creation of the museum and chose the Palace of Fine Arts for its location. I must say he made a great choice in buildings.

(Photograph taken 9 April 2006. © Jeremy Atherton, 2006. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.)

Most of the museum’s columns are based on designs from the Greek Ionic Order. They are tall straight columns with scrolls on top. While these columns are found near the entrance, the museums’ windows have columns which are sculpted into statues of women and I remember trying to imagine what would happen if these columns came to life. I figured they could simply crush anything in their path, sending museum visitors scurrying in every direction. In my mind these statues would chase only those children who were naughty and believe me a large woman made of stone was reason enough to mind your manners. As I think back on that childhood dream (nightmare?) I realize something was missing: men.

While the museums’ columns served wonderfully as pillars in the buildings’ façade, the family was designed by God to have two very different types of pillars: a father and a mother. Yet today I see many families like the one I grew up in, households lead by single/divorced women. Even when the father is present he often falls short, leaving the woman to stand as the major pillar keeping the family from collapsing. Many women today are doing an outstanding job serving as both father and mother to their children. But there is something missing and the Bible warns us that this path is one fraught with many a problem.

I believe Malachi 4:5-6 is both a promise and a warning. The promise comes from God, speaking of how he will send (has sent) one with the offer of repairing the father child relationship. God warns that the land will be cursed if this repair is not made. In examining the state of the family I fear we are already suffering the curse. Our lack of male pillars in the family is already taking its toll on our communities and we need to change course immediately.

I can do nothing about my past but I pledge to stand as a pillar leading my family and my community today. I pledge to follow the Lord that he can use me as a pillar reflecting the glory revealed when he himself stood as a pillar before the nation of Israel. I challenge other Christian men to join me in this pledge. It is time for us to stand for the sakes of our families, our communities, and our nation.

The Secret to Finding the Right Path

2009-09-30T18:30:00.000-04:00

Exodus 13:21-22

I often meet Christians who are caught in a struggle, trying to find the ‘right path.’ When faced by a fork in the road they stand trying to figure out which way God would want them to go. Motivated by a desire to follow God at all times, they have difficulty recognizing his will for their lives. This leads to frustration and failure, causing them to become stagnant in their faith. Why do God’s children have such a difficult time deciding which way to turn? I believe this inner struggle is the result of focusing on the choices at hand instead of keeping our eyes on God.

When leading the nation of Israel out of Egypt God provided a pillar of smoke by day and a pillar of fire by night. This pillar was the presence of God going before the people and guiding them on their journey to the Promised Land. The pillar remained present during most of their journey, giving the people a tangible sign of God’s direction. The people of Israel did not have to worry about maps or about punching the right address into a GPS unit. They only had to focus on God and they would have remained on the right path.

Unfortunately this journey did not end well for most of the adults. When they reached the border of the Promised Land the people chose to focus on the choice instead of on the pillar. Given the option of fighting giants or returning to Egypt they chose to return and forfeited God’s promise (Numbers 13:25-14:23) They got so caught up in trying to figure out what was right for them, the people forgot to consider the power of God.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

Proverbs 3:5-6

I do not believe it is our responsibility to discover the right path. Instead I believe we, like the people of Israel, are called to follow the pillar. But while they had something visible to follow we are called to follow one who is invisible. In promising to direct our path God tells us we must do two things. First we must trust completely in God. We must be willing to follow him even when our own understanding causes us to question the path he has chosen. Second we must acknowledge God in all circumstances. Put him first in your heart, recognizing his true nature and you will be compelled to recognize his authority in every situation.

Life has its twists and turns, and our free will allows us to make choices. Don’t waste time agonizing over which path is right. Turn your eyes to God and focus solely on him. He has promised to lead you according to his perfect will.

See also: "God’s Vision or the Pizza I Ate"
"Following God’s Vision"
"Acknowledging God: The Promise"

Serving God on the Weekends

2009-09-25T18:30:00.000-04:00

Colossians 3:17

It’s Friday. We move into another weekend. For many this means a break from work or from school, an opportunity to unwind and do something different. As you enjoy your weekend remember, if you are a true follower of Christ your service does not stop at 5pm on Friday. We should strive to make sure what we do and say on the weekends is done in the name of the Lord. Even when we are reading a book or watching television we should be thankful, acting with consideration of how our activity brings honor to God.

As we close out this week let us remember those who have endured flooding in the southeastern United States.

Would I Turn Rifqa Bary Away?

2009-09-24T18:30:00.000-04:00

I believe I owe readers an answer to the question: Would I turn Rifqa Bary away if she had shown up on my doorstep? The answer is no I would not. Now before making charges of hypocrisy please read the rest of this post.

If any child came to me expressing fear, stating they would be injured or killed if they returned home I would want to look that child in the eyes and talk with them to establish the seriousness of the threat. Based on what the child said I would pray and move forward as lead by the Lord.

When I mentioned the Biblical command to honor father and mother my intention was to address the actions of those who were in Rifqa’s life prior to her running away, specifically those who baptized her without her parents’ knowledge or permission, as I stated in an earlier post. As for the Lorenz family, I offer an apology. I was under the false impression that they were connected in some way with events in Ohio. I now believe they did not know Rifqa until after she began to express her fears. I give the Lorenz family the benefit of the doubt that after meeting Rifqa they believe her story is credible.

So what was the point of my post about Sharia Law? My point was that Christians do not need to look there to justify their actions. If I believed a 17-year-old’s life was in danger I would not need a document from Egypt to compel me to act. I can find just cause in the Bible to protect the child and to stand up for her rights. All I would need is her testimony of what she experienced in her home.

What I see on blogs are a lot of people who have no idea what Rifqa faced or what the Lorenz family was told to cause them to fear for this girl’s safety. I see a lot of people who are not in the courts and not seeing what the judges are seeing. I see a lot of people who are stirring up hysteria and then calling those who want to know all of the facts “foolish.” The only justification given in many (not all) of these posts is what the writers believe Sharia Law says. It is this hysteria that prompted the earlier post.

What if the Bible Says Send Rifqa Back?

2009-09-23T21:42:00.001-04:00

In a previous post speaking on the Rifqa Bary situation I asked:

"So if we as Christians truly trust in our Lord why are we looking to Sharia Law as the motivation for our response?"

In a comment on the post a reader said:

“If we know that her parents would murder her under Sharia law, and we send her back, we become accomplices to her murder, that's why.”

But what if the Bible says Rifqa should be sent back? Does the fear that she might be murdered justify disobedience? After all if God is the Almighty as we in the church claim he is, then he is more than capable of protecting the young girl even from her parents. Shadrach, Mechach, and Abednego survived a dip into a fiery furnace. Daniel survived a night in a den full of lions. Each of them knew that obeying God would cause them to face the possibility of death. They obeyed God and survived. The Bible is filled with the stories of men and women who faced death by obeying God and found his protection more than sufficient. Why is it we lack faith in God today that he could protect a 17 year old girl if the Bible says send her home?

We are looking at Sharia Law and letting the Quran dictate the path this girl should take because we are afraid of what might happen. Think about that: Christians basing their reactions on Islamic Law reacting out of fear. No wonder the world questions the Christian faith. What if God wants to do something magnificent in showing how he can protect this girl? That protection could come by keeping her away from her parents or it could be by keeping her alive even while protecting her at home. Either way the answer will not come by looking to something other than his word for direction.

I was always told to trust in the perfect will of God and to look to his Bible for answers. That is what I called for in my post: Christians making sure we are not being manipulated by teachings that are not of our faith. I trust God to direct the outcome in the Rifqa Bary case. I trust God that he knows Rifqa’s heart as well as her parents’ hearts. I trust that he knows the truth of what happened in that household. I believe he has authority over the courts and over what happens in Rifqa’s life. I trust that he will do what is right and just. I accept that his way is not the way of man but it is the best way.

We dismiss the possibility that God may want Rifqa to go home because in our human understanding her return means certain death. We base this upon what is said in the words of another faith. The Bible tells us to trust in the Lord with all of our heart and to lean not on our own understanding. What is God’s call on Rifqa’s life? I don’t know. But I do know it can be found in the Bible.

Exhibiting a Bold Faith

2009-09-23T18:30:00.000-04:00

It seemed such a minor thing yet it sparked a major conversation. For Constitution Day last week my son’s teacher asked for each parent to write a short discussion on which freedom we most cherish. I cherish them all but the first to come to mind was freedom of religion. My son read what I wrote and then made an interesting comment, one that lead to a discussion on his rights as a student and on how we can model the faith when our culture says we should not.

My son said he was surprised but at the same time not surprised at what I wrote. He was not surprised I wrote on freedom of religion because he knows where I stand in the faith and how Christ is important to me. But he was surprised because he thought such a response was against school rules. We discussed how my answer was in fact acceptable as it followed the context of the question asked. I was able to explain how he was free to express his faith in Christ even inside the school building. I think he was relieved to learn what the law says as opposed to what others think the law says but he was more impressed that I would be so bold as to declare my faith without hesitation.

As a true follower of Christ the most important desire I have for my children is for them to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. I hope they choose the faith and live boldly in the name of the Lord. If I am not willing to set an example I become an obstacle standing in the way of the very thing I desire for their lives. I want to see bold faith in my children and that means I must exhibit bold faith in my own walk. I must do so, not for show, but out of genuine conviction.

By God’s design parents are the first example of the Christian faith children see. How we relate to Christ (true bold faith, indifferent belief, outright rejection) will set the tone for how our children approach God. If you are a true follower of Christ live the faith boldly both when your children are watching and when they are not. You never know what sort of fire you may ignite.

Are Christians Manipulated by Sharia Law in Rifqa Bary Case?

2009-09-22T18:30:00.000-04:00

I have noticed an interesting trend to the calls for a Florida court to protect Rifqa Bary from her parents. On blog after blog I see descriptions of how Sharia Law calls for Rifqa’s death, implying that her parents would have no choice but to carry out this mandate if they are to follow their beliefs. I have seen photos of a document explaining the fatawah that calls for death to apostates, all of this being used to defend the belief that her parents should lose custody. This trend is interesting because of what I have yet to see: a defense based upon the teachings of the Bible.

Let me state for the record that I hope the courts conduct a thorough investigation of Rifqa’s claims. If we take religion out of the mix we are left with a teen runaway who has expressed fear for her life, something I hope the courts in Florida and Ohio will take seriously. Human decency says this child should be protected. However, the decision on how to best protect her must be based upon fact not emotion. That said, I do not know all of the facts and cannot comment on the truth behind Rifqa’s claims nor will I presume that the courts will take her claims lightly because of a lack of understanding. What I do know is that some in the Christian community are in an uproar, acting in response to what Sharia Law says without looking to see what the Bible says.

As I mentioned in my most recent post on the matter, the Christians who are directly involved with this case appear to have violated Christ’s call to honor father and mother. By aiding and harboring a runaway without contacting authorities the Lorenz family (the pastor and wife with whom Rifqa was living in Florida) have disregarded the Bible’s call for respective of authority. Unless they can show where an investigation established the need to hide a runaway there is no justification in the Bible or under U. S. law for their actions. (I understand there are situations where hiding a runaway is justified but that will have to wait for another discussion.)

At the risk of repeating, let me say that my point in this post is not to argue for or against Rifqa returning to Ohio. I want to express my belief that the Christian response to this case should be based upon what the Bible says and not upon what the Quoran may or may not say. God’s Word does address this situation in very clear terms. We cannot avoid what the Bible says just because we fear the outcome. Obedience is about trust and we will not see our Lord glorified if we are not willing to exercise our faith in him to direct this case according to his will. So if we as Christians truly trust in our Lord why are we looking to Sharia Law as the motivation for our response?