Cunt This!

Jesus What?

2008-09-20T14:48:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you've ever been to Saint Louis, but all over town you are constantly bombarded by these JESUS stickers and billboards. Jesus what? Jesus! Jesus? Jesus. Add some fuckin punctuation. What are you trying to tell me by putting these stickers and billboards everywhere? That I should believe in Jesus? That Jesus loves me? What?

I have tried to do some research on who is funding this Jesus crap and I have come up with nothing. If any of you have information, please give it up.

Either way Saint Louis, having JESUS propaganda all over town is not going to suddenly convert me to loving Jesus, so cunt you for think I am that stupid.

GAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY

2008-09-10T10:52:00.000-07:00

Why can't that little continental cunt leave Saint Louis out of his gayness?

You're not black, you're not even American, let alone from Saint Louis. If you came to the STL you'd probably get your ass kicked. Go back to Germany and get a hat with a pretzel on it or something. Cunt.

Bow ''Wow''

2008-08-07T21:46:00.000-07:00

Bow Wow apparently does a sex scene in an upcoming episode of Entourage. Here's what he says about it:

"It was with a porn star. I don't know her name,"

We might have believed him, but then he goes on:

"She probably watching this like, 'What?! I did a scene with him, and he doesn't remember my name?!' Nah, I don't remember her name, but she was bad though. She was baaaaad! I was cool. I was comfortable with it. I was definitely comfortable with it. It is what it is — normal stuff that happens."

Not once, not twice, but three times does he mention that he doesn't remember her name. If you're going to try and big yourself up, try and do it a bit more stealthily.

He later adds that he ''stuns'' himself. I'm stunned too...what a loser! BTW, if it was so 'normal' and comfortable for him, why did he have to say it four times? Trying to convince himself maybe? Heheh.

Can you say 'TRY HARD'?

Hannah Montana Hardcore

2008-08-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

This is what Miley Cyrus had to say about her break up with Nick Jonas:

"At first I bawled for a month straight. I was so sad. I just went into this weird funk. And I dyed my hair black. When we were dating, Nick wanted me to get highlights and so I did that, and I got myself looking great. And then, on the day we broke up, I was like, I want to make my hair black now. I don't want to look pretty; I want to look hard-core. I was rebelling against everything Nick wanted me to be. And then I was like, I've got to be by myself for now, and just figure out who I really am.”

lol!

I just love this part though. ''I want to make my hair black now. I don't want to look pretty; I want to look hard-core.'' Hahahahha.

What a smite to people with naturally black hair. They can't be pretty? Beotch!

Open Letter to Jennifer Aniston

2008-08-06T14:17:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, we hate John Mayer. Turns out he is using Jennifer Aniston as a beard while doing Pete Wentz. Now there are reports that they may be getting married and having a child together.

Which begs the questions "Jen, what the fuck are you thinking?!" Ok, I understand that Angelina stole your hubby and you're never gonna get over it. I mean, how do you get over Brad Pitt? I don't think you can. Now you're (possibly) doing this homo, gonna marry him, and have his child? Come on. John Mayer is much lower on the scale than Brad. Go for George Clooney, he'd love you. Have some standards Jen. Even Vince Vaughn was better. At least he was your age. At least he was funny. What does John Mayer have going for him? Penises up his ass? Seriously Jen, I hope this isn't true. I know there are reports denying this, but let's face it, you're never honest with the press.

John Mayer sucks!!

Separated at Birth?

2008-08-05T11:13:00.000-07:00

Travis is starting to look like Jesus now. Let's just hope he's not going to start singing Jesus songs like Head.

Hmm even Rivers Cuomo grew a handlebar mustache and started to suck.

When rock stars increase their amount of facial hair, they begin to suck. Badly.

Ah well. When Mark grows a beard, then I'll really start to worry.

Barack Obama the anti christ?

2008-08-04T17:06:00.000-07:00

I didn't know about it until just now but some people have been calling Obama the 'anti-christ.'' This particular blog uses reasoning such as Obama 'mesmerising crowds' and people gathering in huge numbers to see him. Apparently those are the signs of the anti-christ.

Shit, I really can't think of ANYONE ELSE who fits that description.

These people need to be quarantined until their stupidity is no longer a threat to the reasonable world.

Medical Marijuana....

2008-07-24T13:33:00.000-07:00

I guess this little guy, Owen, was always really athletic until doctors told him he had bone cancer in one of his legs. After having the leg amputated, the guy was always in a lot of pain and couldn't hold down food without vomiting. No prescribed drugs seemed to help him out. Finally, a doctor named Charlie Lynch prescribed him Medical Marijuana, which is legal in California. The kid got better.

Charlie Lynch now could face 100 years in prison.

This is beyond our usual toolbox of words like staggering, stunning etc,.

Welcome to the freak show.

America: The Greatest Show On Earth!

2008-07-24T12:49:00.000-07:00

All I have to say is that P.T. Barnum would be proud:

If the F-word is evil, I wonder where he ranks the word ''cunt?'' Cunt, cunt, cunt. Just wanted to ensure my place in hell.

The Devil's Sacraments

2008-07-22T13:40:00.000-07:00

So I went to see the Dark Knight at an Imax theater. I'd reserved tickets online 3 days before. Then we got to the theater and drove around in the parking lot for 15 minutes until we found a fucking spot.

Then we got inside and immediately I was REVOLTED by the horrifying god-awful stench that was so fucking thick I felt like I was swimming in a huge fucking tub of lard. This ginormous ass stadium was bulging at the seams with beached whales shoving godzilla splooge amounts of pop-corn in their mouths with fire hydrant intensity and maybe 40 percent accuracy. The sound was so fucking loud, it sounded like Hitler's army marching on eggshells. Then after the crunch crunch smack smack from the popcorn comes the sickening repugnant sluuuuuurrrpp from the fucking SUPER TANKER of coke that they hold in their laps cause it's too fuckin big to put in the cup holder.

Me and Jamie didn't even say a word to each other, we walked out immediately and exchanged our tickets for a later date. There were no two adjacent seats available, but that was actually a minor detail...I fucking abhor popcorn. Wasn't about to let my first Imax experience be shat on by a bunch of fat motherfuckers who should've had a bite to eat before leaving the house.

One day when I'm a millionaire I will start my own theater (cinema), and food of ANY KIND will be absolutely and strictly forbidden. I'm looking forward to seeing the rest of you cynical motherfuckers there. :)

Heath Ledger Tribute??

2008-07-19T14:05:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd heard that there was to be some tribute to Heath Ledger at the end of the credits. Guess I miss read it. Still, how fucking misleading that it's all over the news ''tribute in Dark Knight credits to Ledger!'' Then I sat allllll the way through the credits holding in a MAJOR piss, just to realize that I had already seen the tribute. It was just the words ''in memory of Heath Ledger'' and some other guy. Yup, that's right, Ledger didn't even get the tribute all to himself, he had to share it. Heath did a pretty fucking good job, so I was looking forward to see a documentary type thing at the end talking about what a cool guy he was. But, nope.

I feel duped.

The joker was really outsanding, though. Heath Ledger ruled.

Katy Perry sucks, the rest of you are sickos

2008-07-19T04:54:00.000-07:00

I want to applaud 7% percent of our audience because you indeed hate Katy Perry as much as we do.

However, the rest of you are sickos. Giles Marini cock? Michael Angarano nude? Ew, he's pre-pubescent.

Be careful, we are watching you .... muahahahahah

Lindsay .... Lesbian?!

2008-07-18T17:38:00.001-07:00

I am sick of all these media outlets going on about how Lindsay Lohan is a ... dun dun da ... LESBIAN! O my goodness, lesbian? What could that be? Shield my eyes! Give me a fuckin break.

Why is this a breaking story? According to this, Lindsay's poor heart is being broken because her mother refuses to acknowledge her relationship with Samantha Ronson. O please, both of her parents are wackjobs and I am sure she knows this by now and does not want/need their approval.

So cunt you, media outlets, for acting like being gay/lesbian is taboo when really you just want to sell more copies of your magazines.

Billboard Top 100

2008-07-18T04:33:00.001-07:00

Astonishing, stupefying, dumbfounding and....STAGGERING.

The Ever Redundant Madden

2008-07-18T04:08:00.000-07:00

For some odd reason we keep getting lots of viewers on this site, and even some emails. We've got fans. Granted, you are all probably a bunch of cynical, misanthrope amoral pricks if you're reading this blog, but I still love you. That's why I keep making posts.

I'm going to see Batman today, but I won't spoil it for you just yet...I'll wait a week or two. I think I'm pretty contrary as a person, because anytime I hear people heaping praise on something, I want to rip it apart. However, I did read an article that said Javier Barfem's performance in "No Country for Old Men'' was better than Ledger's in the new Batman. Thanks to that writer, I will probably like the new Batman (I hate Javier Barfem.)

Anyway since My Xbox 360 will be back soon from the Microsoft repair service, I've been looking into which game to get. The last version of Madden I got was the '06. Probably time to update.

Looking at the screenshots, though, they still overlooked one thing:

The fans still look amazingly 2D. The first pic is from Madden 05, and the second from 09. Maybe it's lame, but every year I keep crossing my fingers hoping the next Madden will feature bad-ass sidelines and fans. The gameplay never fuckin changes, so they may as well put a bunch of beer drinking, fat ass belly hanging out 3D fans in the stands, and maybe if you get close enough you can hear 'em belting out cuss words. Now THAT is a Madden I would certainly buy. It'd be so realistic.

Old Fart Kicks a Harmless Pissing Chick

2008-07-14T22:56:00.001-07:00

Talk about failing to appreciate the finer things in life. Obviously this uncultured swine has never been to Mardi Gras. Doesn't know a fine piece of art when he sees it.

The old fart walks right out of the grocery store and sees a chick pissing on the sidewalk. With her tits hanging out, nonetheless. Most old guys would be happy to see such a thing. It is certainly something you don't see every day! I think it would be a nice change from the mundane day to day norm. But what does he do? He kicks her in the ass. What a dumb shit. She may be a public pisser, but he's a party pooper!

You know hes still going to have a wank on that bus while thinking about her and smelling her piss on his shoe.

Angelina is not a Phenomenon

2008-07-13T01:17:00.000-07:00

As we have stated in this post and this post, we hate Angelina. Why is it when I go to latest headlines, the second one is Angelina gave birth to twins, blah blah. Last time I checked giving birth isn't a world event. Women give birth to children every day, why does it matter that she is giving birth?! Why is everyone so obsessed with her anyway? I don't understand the appeal.

Exhibit A:

This picture scares the shit out of me. I don't fucking get it. Why am I supposed to give a flying fuck that shes having twins? Why is breaking news? Ugh. CUNT YOU ANGELINA and your fucking media circus!!!

A Load of Shit

2008-07-01T02:53:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love those celebrities who go around touting their humanitarianism by hopping on their private jets and getting their pictures taken with some skinny kids in Africa? That's just so beautiful. Then they get a press interview immediately afterward and go ''Africa is in bad shape.'' No shit.

I just plain don't fucking buy it. It's just a trend...a bunch of self-important, ego-boosting, empty conspicuous BULLSHIT. I say conspicuous cause I highly doubt they would do it if nobody was watching them, which a ton of people sadly fucking are.

I don't mean to really pick on Ben Affleck, I just saw this article in the news and I got to thinking. If all these celebrities love kids so much, why not adopt one from the States? Hmmm? "Angelina Jolie just adopted a child from East Saint Louis.'' I guess that just doesn't have the heroic, epic/romantic ring to it that Africa does. It doesn't sound quite as noble as saving a kid from the depths of a third world country. Too bad for the little shits who are abandoned in East Saint Louis, eh?

That's what's so sickening about it. People like Madonna, Paris Hilton, Angelina Jolie, Meg Ryan...as soon as they get their little popularity boosts and the adoption fad is over, and they move on to something else like adopting sea turtles, it's going to be right back to ''fuck you, African kids!'' Which is a shame, cause we all know adopting ONE fucking child is the answer to all Africa's problems.

Cunt you, self important, pretentious exploiting fucks!

The Bros

2008-06-29T01:46:00.000-07:00

I guess every nation must have its plague. Much like the chavs of Europe, these dumb motherfuckers dress like absolute tits, seem to have no purpose in life, never mature and just generally annoy the fuck out of everyone. This is a species unique to the outlet-mall ridden land of California. Not 10 minutes will pass on the interstate (or "freeway'') without passing a huge honking outlet mall just filled to the brink with these dumb shits stocking up on their apparel from PacSun and Hot Topic stores. They are known as "Bros.''

If you have never been to California, one of the first things you will probably wonder is why the fuck everyone dresses like a 12 year old. The answer: they are a bunch of dumb fucking 12 year olds! Maturing seems to be somehow curbed at that age, along with intelligence and fashion sense.

At first you'll think everyone is just proud as hell to be from So-Cal, but then you'll realize they're probably wearing those hats cause they're so fucking dumb they forget where they are every waking minute.

Get some sunblock, a better tattoo artist, a pair of shoes other than chucks and stay in school ya big fuckin TRY HARDS!

More Ammo on Katy Perry!

2008-06-28T21:13:00.000-07:00

So Jamie's little sister got back from the Warped Tour talking about how annoying Katy Perry was, cause she played over time making stupid jokes and All Time Low got totally fuckin delayed because of it, and lil' sis didn't get to see them. One other thing she mentioned was the ''London accent'' Perry had was really annoying. We were at the store at the time, so we had a big argument over whether she was American or British.

She's actually American, from fuckin Santa Barbara. (Rich ho!) The fact that she fakes a British accent just reinforces our beliefs that she's a total Lily Allen rip-off. It also makes her about 10 times shitter and easier to laugh at.

On the count of three, everyone. 1...2...3...: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

I'm Still Alive

2008-06-25T22:06:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated this fuckin blog in forever. I've kind of busy and stuck in California for like two months. Can't wait to get home so I can buy GTA4 for my Xbox 360.

Even though I haven't been writing in our blog, I've still been bitching about the pop culture. It still sucks.

I know this is pretty fuckin' random and I'm not even going to comment on their Camp Rock or whatever movie, nor the fact that they're making a fucking sequel, but I'm just going to throw this out there: if I ever see someone wearing fucking cowboy boots on the outside of skinny pants, I will punch them in the mouth. I seriously will, I'll just punch your teeth out right there.
In fact if you're going to wear a getup like that, I think you should have to sign a waiver stating that anyone who sees you dressed like such a cunt will not be held responsible for his/her actions in court.

If you didn't know already, George Carlin died. I've been pretty heartbroken about it for a while. If there was one of those old-fashioned scales with the good aspects of culture on one side and the shitty stuff on the other, George Carlin dying would totally make the shitty side hit the table.

RIP, George.

So I'm about to go to the movies, but I'll make more blogposts soon. You're welcome.

I hate John Mayer

2008-06-17T02:37:00.000-07:00

So I personally think that Angelina Jolie is a stupid homewrecking bitch that stole Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston, despite her adoption of foreign children and that whole UN Ambassador shit. I mean that is so great that you have matured from fucking Billy Bob in a limo and exchanging viles of blood, but I think this whole new mommy and all around do gooder is a load of shit. I am sure she is a nice person or whatever, but I'm not buying her new image.

With that said, why John Mayer Jen? Why? He is an idiot that sings "your body is wonderland" Uh, great I knew that. I mean look at her. She is in shape, she's hot, she could get better. John Mayer is dumbass. He did Jessica Simpson Jen! Jessica-Is that chicken-Simpson. Get real! Even Vince Vaughn was funny. Dump him Jen! Dump him!!!

NAS Is a Rip Off Artist!

2008-06-09T23:15:00.000-07:00

So this is Nas' official video for his new song ''Be A N----- Too''. I wouldn't even bother to put it on here cause its suckage is self-evident, but one thing sort of caught my notice....

The piano sounds suspiciously like the work of Yann Tiersen. Track 4 of the "Goodbye, Lenin!'' soundtrack, to be precise. Don't believe me? Check out the soundtrack here!!

Or here.

I didn't see anything giving credit to Yann Tiersen on Nas' Myspace. Nor was there any sort of information about a collaboration with Nas on Tiersen's website.

I've googled it to see if anybody else picked up on it, but as far as I can tell, I'm the first one to have noticed.

Hmm...was it stolen??

Selling Out, No Matter What...

2008-06-08T02:16:00.000-07:00

Not only is Hollywood out of plots, but actors too, apparently. TI has signed a deal with Sony to make 3 movies. Don't know why every musician thinks he/she can act, and a bunch of actors all seem to think they can sing.

Every rapper seems to be fixated on having the whole world know how hard life was on them growing up, so they finally make movies once they're popular enough. At least get a real actor to play you instead of doing it yourself. How lame is that.

8 Mile and Get Rich or Die Tryin' movie were both laughably lame. But everyone thinks they're the exception....

Retarded

2008-06-08T01:47:00.000-07:00

I guess it's not really her who's retarded, but her church or whoever put her up to this nonsense. Selena Gomez has Joined the Jonas Brothers in making a vow to ''be a virgin when I marry'' in her own words. Why is pop culture being taken over by poppy emo jesus freaks?

She even got her dad to get her promise ring 'blessed' at church.

I think this whole thing will just be a public demonstration that abstinence does not work. Give it a few years. While it's a good thing to not be having sex at such a young age, making an idiot out of yourself by promising the whole world that you won't have sex until your married is just setting yourself up to be ridiculed. Still, it's largely her parents who deserve the ridicule since they're the ones who aren't educating the kid.

Ah...abstinence. What a great idea...I mean, look where it got Britney.