The Greatest Blog Ever Written...

Curtain Call

2006-12-01T20:52:00.000-05:00

Let's face it......this blog has lost some of it's lustre of late.

I was going to refurbish this blog when I switched it over to Blogger Beta. Unfortunately, when I went to make the switch a couple of days ago, it wouldn't let me.

Alas, I started a Blogger Beta account anyway.....and a new blog was born.

I'll keep The Greatest Blog Ever Written (now switched over to Beta) open for the old posts. But my new home is......

....wait for it....

......HERE.

The Dangers of Underage Drinking

2006-11-19T09:22:00.000-05:00

I was out on my daily stroll with Rudy at about 8pm last night. While making our way down a desolate and poorly lit stretch of sidewalk along the main roadway, I stumbled upon a 3/4 full mickey of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum laying on the sidewalk. Given that it was Saturday night, I assume that some local youth dropped it out of his pocket/backpack/pantleg while on his/her way to wherever they had intended to imbibe the contraband. It seems to be the most logical explanation. So I picked it up and dumped it out at the roadside, lest some minor come upon it.

Yet another fine example while those underage aren't responsible enough to drink. They aren't able to hold their liqour.

Emasculation 101

2006-11-19T09:10:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had one of those moments where you are doing something without thinking, then suddenly realize what you are doing and say to yourself, "What the hell?"

For example, if you're out grocery shopping and you discover yourself singing along to the music being piped through the store speaker system, which happens to be Hold On by Wilson Philips. And you're singing out loud. And you're a guy.

What the hell?

Synergy

2006-11-18T11:35:00.000-05:00

Has anyone else noticed the (not-so) subtle marketing being employed by Sony?

If anyone has been to the movies lately you may have seen the Playstation 3 ad preceding the trailers in which a boy walks up to the roof of his apartment building (in New York presumably) and everyone is looking up in the sky as a '3' casts a shadow over the city. When I first saw it, I though it was a preview for Spider-man 3.

Slick.

Passing A Stone

2006-11-16T19:57:00.000-05:00

Most days, sometime shortly after dinner, I put on my shoes, throw on my jacket, grab the leash and take my dog out for a walk. It has become a time of day where I am alone with my thoughts and allow my mind to wander. Quite often, my wanderings lead me towards blogging. This may be blogs I have read and perhaps want to comment on, or topics I want to write about. The ideas come easily, and in my mind I compose entries that are things of beauty. I think to myself, "Self....this is a great idea. In the immortal words of Van Wilder.....write that down."

Once home, I sit down at my computer, log onto Blogger, crack my knuckles and.....

......nothing.

Words fail, desire fades, time dissipates. Nothing is written. The entire process causes me no end of aggravation, and no doubt is dissappointing to those who still bother to check in here. I suppose the addition of Alexandra to our family and the demands that she places on myself and Tam has played a significant role. On days that I work, I'm away from home for 12 hours at minimum, so that doesn't leave a lot of time for other pursuits. I've also found that contrary to my theory that putting the computer in the same room as the t.v. would increase my productivity (the two-birds-with-one-stone principle), the exact opposite is true. My attention is pulled between the computer and the idiot box resulting in my not really enjoying either. My blogging delinquency is not to be attributed to lack of ideas, though. Here is but a sampling of topics bouncing around my head:

An Interview With Myself
Religion...Hooah: What is it good for?
Recipe for a Great Commute
Why Galactica Would Completely Frak Up The Enterprise
Random Christmas Gift Ideas for my Family (vol. 1 - x)
Review: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
A Letter To My Favourite Teacher
Alexandra: Crying, Eating, Pooping, Sleeping
Things I've Learned From Watching The Ultimate Fighting Championship
The Story of Herschel Wilson
Identity Crisis: Blueteeth, Tattoos and Baggy Jeans
Television Sucks (But I Watch It Anyway)
It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time

My memory presents those for your consumption, but rest assured there have been many, many more. If you have a burning desire to see any of those come to fruition, please let me know. Alternatively, if you have an idea for a post, it may just motivate me to write, so fire away.

Something else which has been hampering my ability to write lately is the fact that this is post 100.

Whoop-dee-doo!

I've done the math, and I average out at about 9 spectacular posts a month, or 1 ever 3 1/2 days. And some are cop-outs like this.

Anyway....there you have it. Number one hundred. Hope you enjoyed it.

P.S. I wasn't invited to TomKat's wedding. I'm sooooo not sending them anything.

Remembrance Day

2006-11-11T12:00:00.000-05:00

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

-John McCrae-

Eviction Notice

2006-11-06T19:51:00.000-05:00

Remember this?

Well friends....there's been a new development. As it turns out, the poor buggers living in the fence in my backyard who faced the business end of a can of wasp killer may have been innocent. (Did you see that? Did you see what I did there? Buggers? I slay me.) While I was outside this afternoon doing some yardwork, I made a startling discovery.....

...a big honkin' wasp nest located in a cedar in the front yard right where I suffered my tragic injury. I present this startling photographic evidence as proof.

A little hedge trimming leads to a shocking revelation.

Peek-a-boo.

Presenting the evidence.

Luckily (for them), the previous tenants had vacated. Nevertheless, I made the eviction official, lest they come back and set up shop next season.

I am wise to your tactics, wasps. When next we meet on the field of battle, I shall not be duped so easily.

So Sue Me

2006-10-31T13:17:00.000-05:00

I'm back. Just not very motivated.

Parenthood, Paintball and Peter's Query

2006-10-22T22:38:00.000-04:00

I'm tired and I desperately need to get some sleep, but I feel obligated to write something since it will be the better part of a week before I get another chance.

Life at the homestead has been exciting but tiring as the wife and I explore parenthood. Luckily we've had live-in help for the better part of the month (thanks moms) which has made the transition a little easier. It's amazing how fast the day goes by when you have a little person to take care of.

That being said, I did manage to weasel out of my fatherly responsibilties yesterday morning to go spend a few hours playing paintball with a couple of the old high school chums. That makes one outing this year and once last year. I definitely need to increase the frequency, because it was a great time (as usual).

So high school chum Peter says to me, "Hey Dave...nice blog. What's the deal with the chick you're promoting?" The question sounded a bit familiar. I believe that he is talking about Jessica Stover. I gave him the two second response before we were interrupted by someone or something (probably Darren barking orders about filling loaders or something). In any event, Jessica recently did and interview with Eventful that explains a lot about her project. There is also an interesting thread being discussed on her site about the new television show Heroes and movies and other such business. Check it out. Perhaps when I get back I'll write something more about why I support Jess' projects and how I got involved.

In the meantime, enjoy a picture of Alexandra (with a few more added to Flickr).

Later, skaters. (no funny business while I'm away)

Fatherhood: Week 1

2006-10-14T14:53:00.000-04:00

It's little wonder that my readership is so small, given my frequency of blog entries.

I suppose I have a bit of an excuse of late (who would have thought having a child was so time consuming?). Regardless, perhaps it's time for an update.

As per my previous post, Alex was born at 2:49 a.m. on October 5th. We actually went in to the hospital at 7:30 a.m. on October 4th for our induction, but it turned out to be a long process. Gels were applied at around 8:45 a.m. and again around 1:00 p.m., but it wasn't until about 6:00 pm. that Tam's water broke (a messy affair in the birthing unit hallway as we were out for a stroll). Then the labour began. She was in a lot of pain. I did what I could to comfort, but there wasn't a lot of fun to be had. Around 9:00 p.m. they decided to give her an epidural. This lessened the pain significantly (or so I'm told). Things didn't progress quite as well as hoped, and the doctor decided in the early morning hours of the 5th that it would probably be best to proceed by way of a Caesarian section. I called home as they got her ready to be wheeled into the O.R.

Once they were prepped and had started the surgery, I was allowed into the operating room. Tam was shaking uncontrollably from the epidural, which is apparently a normal side effect. I kept her company as the docs did their work. Around 2:49 a.m., I heard a cry, and we were soon treated to a view of our daughter before they whisked her away to clean her up and so forth. Shortly thereafter, I was given our bundle of joy to hold as they needed to stitch up the wife and monitor vitals for a while. We proceeded to the special care nursery where they did a "heel prick" to test the blood. Alex's blood sugar was low, so they supplemented her with some formula and would have to monitor her overnight until they had 3 tests over the acceptable blood sugar levels. She had a quick visit with the grandmothers and her great-uncle Bebe who had come to the hospital to say hello. Mom didn't get to hold her daughter until a couple hours later until she was back in her room and the effects of the epidural had started to wear off a bit.

Due to the C-section we had to stay in the hospital until Sunday afternoon. Alex spent a while on the "tanning bed" as she was showing some signs of jaundice. We had a number of visitors from both sides attend the hospital to meet the newest addition to the family. As we had a private room, someone was able to stay overnight with mom and daughter. I did so on Thursday and Saturday night, with the mother-in-law assuming the duty on Friday night.

Things have gone relatively well since being home. The pets, while perhaps a bit jealous, haven't tried to attack the little one, and mostly ignore her. Alex sleeps a lot, and through just about any noise. However, she seems to get extremely aggravated around 11:00 p.m. (gas?) and persists in her cranky state until usually at least 3:00 a.m. Thankfully, after that she seems to sleep fairly well.

She's absolutely adorable, and I'm in love. Taking care of her takes so much time, but it seems well worth it. Overnight, it's as if priorities have shifted. It is incredible how one little person can have such a profound effect on your life. I'm sure there will be many more stories to tell in the days, weeks, and years to come.

Keep checking My Flickr page as I will update new photos there with some regularity.

Daughter

2006-10-05T13:41:00.000-04:00

It's official. My life has been forever altered.

At 02:49 a.m. on October 5th, 2006, my wife and I welcomed into the world our daughter, Alexandra Emery Ruth Grant. Delivered by Caesarian Section at 37 weeks, she weighed in at 7 lbs. and 14.9 ounces and measured 21.5 inches long. Both mom and daughter are doing well. If all goes well, both will be home by Sunday. Here's a picture of our little "Alex". More to be posted (check Flickr) as time permits.

So Scary It's Funny

2006-09-30T13:03:00.000-04:00

7 Days

2006-09-27T20:20:00.000-04:00

It was recently brought to my attention that I had not posted anything for a while. Taking the matter under advisement, I decided to investigate. It appears that they were correct. It has been a while. The root cause for this delinquency is that I have been extremely busy both at work and at home as I get ready for the birth of my daughter in seven days.

I'm going to let that sink in for just a moment.

Seven days? Seven freakin' days!?

Where exactly did the last 9 months go? I'm sure my wife would be able to provide a detailed accounting, but for me, the time has gone quickly.....maybe above the speed limit. It seems like just yesterday it was Valentine's Day and my wife was calling me at work with a "Guess what?" question. (When I said Valentine's Day, you thought I was going somewhere else, didn't you? For shame.)

Sometime over the last 8+ months I've come to terms with the fact that I'm going to be a father (though the prospect continues to terrify me a little bit). We've had ultrasounds, doctor's appointments, prepared the nursery, had a baby shower, installed a car seat and thrown around possible names (only a bare few we seem to agree on). And now we're in the home stretch. Next week at this time, I will most likely have joined the ranks of fatherhood.

So for any of you father's out there, if you have any words of wisdom to impart......now is most definitely the time.

Expanded Horizons

2006-09-17T21:07:00.000-04:00

As one of the perks of my current employment status, I've recently been afforded the opportunity to see and do things that in the normal course of events I never would. For example, this past week I had the chance to attend the opera.

Yes. The opera.

In any normal circumstance I wouldn't have any desire to see the opera, nor would I be able to afford it. However, I am of an open mind, and given that I was in a position where I didn't have to pay I thought, what the heck?

The Opera in question is Die Walkure which is the 2nd part in a 16 or so hour opera commonly referred to as The Ring Cycle by Richard Wagner (pronounced Vagner). This particular opera was serving to open the Canadian Opera Company's newly minted Four Seasons Centre of Performing Arts in Toronto. I heard it referred to as the Superbowl of Operas.

If by that they mean a hyped-up, long drawn out disappointing event in which the best part is the intermissions.......then yes, I concur.

Granted, I only watched one act of Die Walkure (my partner seemed to take to it a bit more than I, so I conceded him the 'privilege' of about 5 hours of it), but it became quickly apparent that it wasn't for me. I really gave it a go, though, because the story was right up my alley. Gods, heros, sword fights, etc. Not to mention it was directed by Atom Egoyan, a film director whose movies I've enjoyed. But, at the end of the day, the singing drove me nuts.

I'm sure opera singers are very talented, but to my uncultured ear, a happy bellow sounds the same as a sad bellow or an angry bellow. In truth, I don't think anyone really likes the opera. People have just been trained to think that appreciating the opera makes you smart and sophisticated, and gives you the ability to talk snootily. For example:

[with thick British accents]

Chap 1: [clapping] A fine performance. Bravo!

Chap 2: Magnificent. Truly magnificent.

Chap 1: I quite enjoyed the staging. And the voices....exquisite.

Chap 2: Verily, I must agree.

Chap 1: Shall we retire for some tea and crumpets?

Chap 2: May we use the fine china, holding it delicately whilst extending our pinky fingers?

Chap 1: Just so!

Chap 2: Then count me in, good sir.

I don't know. Perhaps people really do enjoy it. I just don't understand why. Much in the same way I don't understand why people like musicals. For the love of God, why musicals? I'm not trying to bash the theatre.....I like the theatre.....just not musicals. I don't even like the musical montages in The Family Guy.....they piss me off. Unless the singing is part of the story (i.e. Walk The Line), then let's leave the singing for the radio.

But maybe that's just me.

It's Funny Because It's True

2006-09-16T16:00:00.000-04:00

Addendum

2006-09-16T14:43:00.000-04:00

Okay....so it's time to update the list. (Not to be confused with The List).

*Let me just say that watching Sarah McLachlan perform from backstage, about 15 feet from where she sat at the piano, was awesome. Her voice was flawless, and she is surrounded by an aura that makes her absolutely stunning.

The Greatest Movies Ever Made.....

2006-09-10T17:14:00.000-04:00

....that I've seen*. In my opinion. No particular reason. Just because. Some funny, some thought provoking, all good. At least to me. But as they say, there's no accounting for taste. ;)

Braveheart
The Crow
Lost in Translation
American Beauty
Seven
The Thin Red Line
Office Space
Napoleon Dynamite
Grosse Point Blank
Forces of Nature
Playing By Heart
The Matrix
Star Wars: Episodes IV to VI
American History X
Spiderman (and 2)
Super Troopers (not to be confused with Starship Troopers)
Bad Santa
Band of Brothers (yes...it's a miniseries, not a movie. Whatever)
The Professional
Almost Famous
Memento
Legends of the Fall
A Guy Thing
Suicide Kings

* I've probably forgotten some. Undoubtedly.

Decisions, Decisions

2006-09-09T08:28:00.000-04:00

Serious consideration has been given lately to replacing our old desktop computer (on which I write) with a new laptop. We've decided on a laptop not because we need excessive mobility, but to reduce on clutter (get rid of the desk) and the idea of not having to be chained to one corner of the house. The problem now is, I'm not sure exactly what to get. I've been seriously looking into and considering an Apple Macbook (or Pro) even though I'm an old PC guy.

What is prompting this possible defection? I suppose it's the fact that Mac's are said to be more secure (i.e. viruses, spyware, etc) and it seems that Mac users are fanatically loyal, whereas you only ever hear PC users complaining about the problems they have with their systems. So let's break it down.

Apple Macbook (or Macbook Pro)

Pros

Increased security - fewer (no) problems with viruses, adware, spyware, etc
Testimonials - people who have Macs love them
iSight - webcam and microphone built into screen frame
iLife - comprehensive media package (iMusic, iPhotos, iWeb, iDVD, iChat)
Sleek design - they're purty

Cons

Price - Macs tend to be more expensive
Knowledge - Would need to familiarize myself with a new operating system
Compatability - no video/audio chat available with MSN at this time (AOL/Yahoo work)

So....I'm looking for some input if anyone has any. And for your viewing enjoyment......

Lazy

2006-09-08T23:17:00.000-04:00

Dear Readership (yes, both of you),

I've been delinquent in my blogging frequency. I could offer up a multitude of excuses for this, but in the end it boils down to laziness. I wasn't quite sure how to overcome the lull. Until tonight.

As is my routine, I took the dog for a walk after supper this evening. In truth, it's more the dog's routine than mine, but by default it has become mine*. Along our customary route, I spotted a girl leaving her house dressed in a Sobey's (grocery store) uniform, presumably on her way to work. I then watched her get into her car and drive to work.

When I say I watched her drive to work, I mean exactly that. From Point A (her house) to Point B (Sobey's), her vehicle never left my sight. I estimate that door to door, the distance from home to her workplace is approximately 150 metres/yards.

Puzzled, I tried to run through my head possible scenarios which would explain this. The only one that was remotely plausible was that it was for security reasons assuming her shift ends at a late hour. However, given the distance and the fact that we're not exactly in a high crime area, I still don't quite get it. I am left to assume that the true reason is sheer laziness.

Given this new perspective, my blogging truancy doesn't seem quite so bad. Does it?

*TANGENT:

Joanna: "Hey, what were you guys celebrating last night?"
Peter: "Oh, uh, I'm not really at liberty to talk about it. (She looks at him) I really can't. (Still looking) Alright, so when the sub routine compounds the interest, right, it uses all these extra decimal places that get rounded off. So we simplified the whole thing and we just-- we round 'em all down and drop the remainder into an account that we opened."
Joanna: "So, you're stealing."
Peter: "Uh, no. No, you don't understand. It's uh-- it's very complicated. It's uh-- it's aggregate, so I'm talking about fractions of a penny here. And, uh, over time they add up to a lot."
Joanna: "Oh, okay. So, you're gonna make a lot of money, right?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Joanna: "Right? That's not yours?"
Peter: "Uh, well, it becomes ours."
Joanna: "How is that not stealing?"

-Office Space-

The Tree

2006-08-31T21:55:00.000-04:00

Every so often I stand in the breakfast nook of my kitchen and gaze out the window which looks out on my front yard. Peering over the crest of the overgrown globe cedars which threaten to devour my view, I gaze upon the tree that those who owned the house before me decided to plant.

Is that not the sorriest looking tree you've ever seen? I feel like I should be wrapping a blue blankey around it like Linus in A Charlie Brown Christmas. Will it look better if I shower it with love? Does anyone even know what kind of tree it is? Honestly, I'm clueless. If you happen to be an expert when it comes to coniferous or deciduousness, please feel free to drop me a line, because quite frankly, I don't even know if it's SUPPOSED to look like that.

However, I think I did figure out why they decided to plant a tree in the middle of my postage stamp sized front lot. Take one generous sidestep to the right. There you go.

Remember that time....when we watched Gymkata....about the dude with wicked skills in Gymnastics and Ninjitsu....that was Awesome!

2006-08-20T21:28:00.000-04:00

The memory is a funny thing.

Have you ever remembered seeing a movie that you thought was really cool when you saw it a long time ago, and then upon seeing it again question your own sanity? Or worse.....did you talk up this movie to friends, saying things like, "You've got to see this movie. It's AWESOME!" And through your insistence, you were able to get them to sit down with you and watch said movie, only to realize about 10 minutes in that you've made a grave mistake.

I have.

Twice.

In both instances, the unfortunate saps who listened to me were my buddies Cory and Daryn. The offending movies were Gymkata and Prayer of the Rollerboys.

Seriously....what was I thinking?

Of course, every once in a while memory serves you correctly, such as in the case of Playing By Heart which I just located at MusicWorld a few days ago (after repeated searches of DVD racks in stores across Canada). I'm glad I have it to add to my collection. It's worth checking out.

Really. It's way better than Gymkata.

Now That's Unfortunate

2006-08-20T11:08:00.000-04:00

Lately, the wife and I have been discussing possible names for our soon-to-be addition to the family. It reminds me of how important it is to pick a good name that hopefully won't result in your child being the butt of jokes and so forth. It is also probably wise to consider the context of the name in other cultures.

For example, I was at a Tim Horton's near the airport in Toronto about a week ago and saw an East Indian lady working the drive-thru. As I glanced at her nametag, this is what I saw:

MANHOOR

Whoa. That's a pretty unfortunate name, I thought to myself. Kids in the playground could have a field day with that one. I thought for certain that I had misread, so I paid careful attention the next time she came around. Turns out I was right......it wasn't MANHOOR at all.

It was MAHNOOR.

Yeah. No joke to be made there.

Me And My Peeps

2006-08-17T00:18:00.000-04:00

Attention!

This is an emergency broadcast of The Greatest Blog Ever Written. You are instructed to proceed directly to the following site:

25peeps.com

If you see this picture......

....click on it.

Don't ask questions.

Do it.

Hey, isn't that....???

2006-08-14T22:28:00.000-04:00

Being from the small city of Sudbury, Ontario, where the claim to fame is being the birthplace of Alex Trebek, celebrity sighting was never something that I was ever exposed to.

With my job these days, however, I at times find myself rubbing shoulders with people I never would have guessed I'd see anywhere other than on television or the silver screen (or on a stage from a distance). This past weekend alone, I was in contact with:

Bill Gates
Richard Gere
Sandra Oh
Alicia Keyes
Chantal Kreviazuk
Raine Maida

And let's not forget her and these two.

I'm not the kind of guy to stand in awe of celebrities. They are just people, after all. Nonetheless, it is pretty cool to be in the presence of people who are so well-known.

I Know That Guy

2006-08-13T08:52:00.000-04:00

Let's try and push those maggots a little further down the page, shall we?

I was working yesterday....standing outside the main entrance to the Toronto Zoo, dressed in too many layers of clothing and baking in the heat. As I stood around waiting (which my job provides plenty of opportunity to do), I started to watch people coming and going from the zoo. After about an hour of this, I saw him.

[squint]

Heeeeey........that's KENNY!!!

[beat]

[beat]

Who the hell is Kenny? I know him, but I can't remember how I know him. But I think he's from the Sudbury area. I think my sister knows him.

Kim.......who is Kenny?

Also, I saw someone who looked like Dustin Diamond (Screech from Saved By The Bell) downtown. It probably wasn't him, but I just thought I'd share that.

And some paparazzi asked me if I was guarding anyone important, because he was waiting to snap a shot of Mariah Carey. I tried to catch his nose in my power window, but he was too quick.

Back to work.