Nothing to Crow About

Take Good Care Of Your Wife

2008-06-03T02:02:00.003+08:00

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Last Sunday, I was sitting on my deckchair, drinking a beer and watching my wife mowing the lawn.

Cherie, my ‘sei paat por’ neighbour saw us and was so 9 upset that she came over and tiu 9 me. “You lazy bastard!! Sitting there drinking beer while your poor wife pushes that blardy ancient lawn mower around. Get off your arse and give her a break lah.” She yelled.

I thought; “Niamah..sei paat por” and took another swig from my can , licked the froth from my lips, belch loudly, stared directly at this nosey bitch and said; “Piss off and mind your own husband lah. My wife has green fingers wat…she enjoys gardening wat…kenot meh? Tiu!”

After a few days, I felt really bad so I went out and picked up a really good deal on a ‘ride-on mower’ which I bought her…just to show how much I larp her. I am so proud of the deal I got. I am also proud that my 'loe por' can now sit down while mowing the lawn.

Yes, guys. Afterall, we should really take good care of our missus….that way, they’ll take good care of us.

I have attached a picture below…

I do worry though that maybe I’m getting too soft on her, and next thing she’ll be demanding for 10-speed gear on it!

Wordless Wednesday....Beautiful Nike Shoes

2008-05-28T01:17:00.002+08:00

Weekend Cheers...Election Day

2008-05-23T00:36:00.004+08:00

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One fine day on the way home from a car show, Ah Beng asked his father….

Ah Beng: “Deddi, deddi what is election?”

Father: “Well son, it seems like you are still caught up with the election that happened 2 months ago. Although you may be too young to understand it fully, I’ll try my best to explain.”

Ah Beng: “Err…ok”

Father: “Election is democratic process held every 4 years to select the rakyat’s representatives to hold office and represent them in parliament.”

*Ah Beng looking blurred puzzled*

Ah Beng: “I can get elected?”

Father: “Of course not. Not now anyway. You’ll need to study very hard and serve the community before you are eligible”

Ah Beng: “But I oredi got elected jor”

Father: “In your Boys Scout movement? Well done my son!”

Ah Beng: “No, no… not in the scouts. Just now in the car show”

Father: “huh?

Ah Beng: “Just now the lenglui jie jie peluk-peluk me my kukujiao elected jor….”

Weekend cheers...Hetch Pee tack sapot!

2008-05-10T15:32:00.002+08:00

Ah Beng: “Wei? Hetch-Pee tack sappot ah?“

HP: “Good afternoon, sir. Yes, this is tech support and how may I help?”

Ah Beng: “My plinter no working”

HP: “What’s wrong with it?”

Ah Beng: “Mouse jammed jor”

HP: “Err...the USB cable of the mouse should be connected to your computer's USB slot and not to the printer.”

Ah Beng: “Aiyah!! Mouse jammed jor lah!!”

HP: “How is that related to the printer?”

Ah Beng: “Wait! Wait…I take peetchure and e-meow you”

My First Humsap Magazine

2008-05-02T16:53:00.005+08:00

Back in the 70s, buying 2^nd hand porn mags from mamak newsagents was one of the scariest things a young man had to go through. These days you internet-generation kids will never understand because you just have to download it. Back then it had to be precision planned, and executed to perfection.

When I was about 14, I grew tired of borrowing porn mag doing the rounds at school to finally reach me, and when it did, half the pages would be missing, and I didn't even want to think about all the gooey spermy fingerprints and pages stuck in between. Ewwww!! I always wanted my very own collection and didn't want to give it to anyone else afterwards. Here I would like to relate my very own experience the process of buying porn from a 2^nd hand bookstore dealer:

GETTING SERVED:
It all started when I was visiting my cousins in Penang. I was a big lad, so acting like a 16-17 yr old was a good chance of getting served, but it was still a gamble. Speaking the street slang would’ve enhanced my chances to sound like a veteran. These techniques apply equally well to the purchase of ciggies and alcohol when one is under the legal purchasing age.

“Dey Mamak! Ada BAGUS mia magazine kah? Neh..itu lu simpan bawah lantai mia”

Yes, those days, to avoid raids by the authorities, mamak newsagents kept them under the wooden floor planks.

CHOICE OF MAMAK NEWSAGENT:
Perhaps this is the toughest choice in the operation. Familiar stores in the neighbourhood were out of the question for two main reasons: the storekeeper would probably know my uncle, the Ayer Itam’s Dam chief warden back then, or knowing him, he could have already sapu all the latest issues of Playboys & Penthouse. Hahaahhaha!!

Dodgy small corner-shop newsagents in the next neighbourhood were by far the better choice. They had a much wider selection of magazines and smaller customer traffic. So which shop to choose? Choose the one you couldn't be recognised, but within cycling distance. Don’t compromise on this due to sheer laziness, I tell you!

Neighbourhood kaypohs, your yi mah gu chehs can be a big problem. Often a complete stranger would stop me in the streets of Ayer Itam to say, "Hey, you're Cocka! I know your mum, aunt and uncle! I can see the family resemblance." Then the next day my aunt would say in hakka, "Oooh, so-and-so the sum gu loke por said she saw you wor..." As you can imagine, my paranoia over these kaypohs that threatened to destroy the entire operation. They could be anyone. They would know me and I would be completely unaware. Therefore, the mamak newsagent got to be completely empty of customers when I made my purchase.

RECCE AND TEST-RUNS:
First, visit the mamak newsagent several times and pretend to purchase other items, such as sweets or newspaper. This was valuable for checking out the following factors:

1.The layout of the shop where you could hide in a corner and take your sweet time to make your selection;

2. a quick assessment of the friendliness of the mamak; this is vital if you’re to befriend him to reserve the latest issues for you.

3. Customer traffic at different times of day, how often the shop is empty of customers.

MAMAK OR TANGKACHI AT THE COUNTER?
Obviously I would ABORT the operation if for some reasons the mamak has to tend to errands and left his wife or daughter to jaga the shop. Malu mah….

ACTION PLAN:
I would cycle to the newsagent on a weekday, around 3pm was the best timeslot, when everyone else is back at work after their lunch break. I would cruise past the mamak newsagent several times until a perfect timing when the shop is empty and no other customers are approaching. Then, I would park and lock my bicycle which was borrowed from my cousin, and walk in to greet the mamak. If any complications arise, press ABORT button. If it's tangkachi behind the counter, press ABORT button. If another customer enters, press ABORT button.

TRANSPORTATION OF MERCHANDISE:
After making your selection and paying, the mamak would usually wrap it in old newspapers, hence, drawing even greater attention to the mystery package.

I chose instead to bring my own bag. This comes handy for bulk purchases too. Besides, imagine what my aunt is going to ask if I went home with magazines wrapped in newspaper and rushing upstairs to my room to avoid detection. So obvious, right?

SURMOUNTING MY FEAR:
Fear is a terrible thing of the mind. It threatened to destroy all my efforts. Fear was the cause of several aborted attempts. I had to convince myself that my fear was illogical.

I challenged myself with several logical arguments:
"The mamak newsagent wants to sell you porn. That's why they have it for sale. Why would they make you feel uncomfortable about buying it and admiring women’s anatomy? These are beautiful creation of the Maker and tastefully captured on camera. These small mamak businesses need to sell porn to stay afloat, to feed their families and my patronage helps alleviate their livelihood. And hey, everyone has sexual needs and I’m only normal.”

CONCLUSION:
It got easier as time went by. I also became a pro when negotiating for best purchase prices and resale values. Thanks to my cousins, I even got access to my uncle’s hidden cache of past issues, special edition etc. Over the years, I only kept those collectors’s edition featuring celebrities like Madonna, Princess Fergie and the Australian women soccer team . Thank God for the internet that these teenage adventures are now made redundant although it’s still applicable to the purchase of humsap DVDs.

Enjoy the song. I’m certain that most of you humsap lous can identify with the chorus. Hahahaa!!

Dear Penthouse: By Rodney Carrington

Dear Penthouse: I’m a freshman at a small Midwestern university
And I never thought something like this could happen to me
When my teacher with the dynamite ass,
asked me to stay after class
And she started to undress
I can’t forget the statement she made
If you drop your pants I’ll raise your grade

(Girl) Dear Penthouse: I never thought those letters were really true until
I was on a fishing trip and I met a girl named Jill
We had a little too much to drink
I couldn’t believe what I was starting to think
So we headed to her tent, there’s nothing like eating out
Though the next morning my breath still smelt like trout

Chorus:
Read every issue since 1974
The first two years behind the bathroom door
I poured through every Penthouse I could find
Even though my mom said I’d go blind

Dear Penthouse: I’m a seaman first class at an overseas naval base
It’s been seven long months since I’ve seen a woman’s face
When I saw your recent issue,
I took a box of Kleenex tissue
And I locked the barracks door
Thanks to you I’ve gotten a grip,
please excuse my jerky penmanship

Chorus

Dear Penthouse: Doing sports on the radio has always been my job
I’ve never wanted a man until I noticed BOB
When we’re close I start to perspire
His little buns set my loins on fire
And I dream about the day he’ll say, “Chick” lets get undressed
Name and address were held upon request

Dedicated to Suituapui

2008-04-24T00:41:00.001+08:00

PERKS OF BEING OVER 60 or, if you're not over 60, this is what you have to look forward to .

1 . Kidnappers are not very interested in you .
2 . In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first .
3 . No one expects you to run--anywhere .
4 . People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you???"
5 . People no longer view you as a hypochondriac .
6 . There is nothing left to learn the hard way .
7 . Things you buy now won't wear out .
8 . You can eat dinner at 4 PM .
9 . You can live without sex but not your glasses .
10 . You get into heated arguments about pension plans .
11 . You no longer think of speed limits as challenge .
12 . You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room .
13 . You sing along with elevator music .
14 . Your eyes won't get much worse .
15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off
16 . Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service .
17 . Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either .
18 . Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size .
19 . You can't remember who sent you this list.

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience

Traffic Question

2008-04-16T01:51:00.005+08:00

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Traffic Question

Most men will get this right!

Q: You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING sign posted, and you come upon a bicycle rider. Do you:

(a) Follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 2 miles, or

(b) Do you break the law and pass?

Which is the correct choice? Scroll down ............

A: Why take unnecessary risks and get a ticket?

Wine vs Water

2008-04-01T01:21:00.002+08:00

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To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health.

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.

Thursday cheers...Another Of Einstein's Theories

2008-03-27T01:53:00.015+08:00

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Einstein's was born March 14, 1879. He would be 128 if he were alive today.

Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.

At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was so well endowed.

He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA connection.

This came to be known as…. Cheng cheng cheng cheng!!!!
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Einstein's Theory of "Relative Titty"

Oh, quit groaning! I don't write this stuff, I receive it from my other warped friends and then post it here.

Good Friday Cheers

2008-03-21T02:00:00.006+08:00

A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest Spoke. 'Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim."

'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two."

'I agree," says the Father. "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?"

"Anything, Father."

'I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."

"Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm."

The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

"Sister, would you mind if I touched them?"

She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.

"Father, could I ask something of you?"

"Yes, Sister?"

"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"

"I suppose that would be OK," the Priest replied lifting his robe.

"Oh Father, may I touch it?"

The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling, he was sporting a huge erection.

"Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life."

"Is that true Father?"

"Yes, it is, Sister."

"Oh Father, that's wonderful ... Stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!"

Post Election Talk Cock- My Rocket is Better Than Yours!

2008-03-16T01:47:00.002+08:00

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If you’ve been missing me lately, that’s because I was out partying the whole week after watching BN reeled from last Saturday’s bloodbath.

Yep, Cocka voted for fellow blogger in PJ Utara together with thousands of 'like-minded, rational, impartial citizens' and booted out the ‘Fried Meehoon’ (Chow Mai Fun) by a whopping 19,900 plus majority!

On another note, this ‘lansi, poster boy’ took a swipe at the Rocketeers while on one of his rally rounds with Bodowi prior to the elections by saying; “BN rocket has lifted off, but we have yet to see DAP’s rocket fly” … something to that effect.

Cocka’s Tiu….Listen here you belacan-breath, gasing-spinning, swell-headed, wet behind the ears, fit-for-Colgate-advertisement-smile, typical UMNO-ego kaki-bodek!

Don’t think it’s a farking big deal going to space because first, Malaysia did not develop that rocket you flew in. It’s the ruskies’!

Second, it’s farking taxpayers money that made your space travel possible and that means taxpayers from all walks…including those from the opposition camps. Dig?
The money could have gone to the poverty eradication program!

Anyway, with the poll results, it looks like YOUR rocket is the one that won’t be flying for a long long time!

Here’s a dedication to the Rocketeers!

Well done, lads! Cheers!

Election Talk Cock...Part II

2008-03-04T01:46:00.004+08:00

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These few days, one could never miss the BN's war cry aired over and over on national TV...

“We are on the right track. Let’s keep moving forward”

Cocka's take: Really? Are we?

I rest my case.

Election Talk Cock...

2008-02-26T01:08:00.003+08:00

Since election is round the corner, Cocka also kena election fever liao.
So this post, Cocka is gonna hentam one Toyol guy claiming that Selangor can be compared with Kiasuland in terms of development, economy & quality of life.

MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!.............What a joke!

He said the ONLY things that Selangor is lagging behind were public transport, IT facilities and urban services.

Really? Are those the only areas? Pegi dah! I can write a book on this you know?

Hello? Aren’t you forgetting about safety too? Kiasuland hardly hear of snatch thieves, car-hijackers, Mat Rempits which we seem to be churning out more rapidly than anywhere else. Crime rates have skyrocketed over the last 4 years!

Their cops are squeaky clean while ours are still rotten to the core. Frankly, these days one can’t tell the robber from the copper.

Comparing Changi with KLIA?

Hello? People are still getting lost in KLIA. The farking signs are still very misleading.
Some international carriers are deliberately avoiding KL and landing in Bangkok or Singapore thanks to your exorbitant landing charges.

He added that both Selangor & Kiasuland have about 2 million foreign populations.
Oi! Kiasuland’s 2 million foreign populations comprises of professionals and skilled labour lah.
Selangor mya foreigner populations are made up of mostly of illegal Indons, Banglas, Nepalis, How to compare?

Toyol said that the state gomen will be putting in more effort into improving the service industry.

Cocka’s advice: Yeah, you can start with the banks. Kiasuland banks counters are fully manned during lunch time.
Ours? Lunch time only 1-2 counters open and all tellers go for lunch. And you are talking about being a financial hub? Chettiars' hub also kenot lah.

Here are 2 funny fellas with some election hits. Yep, Allan and Indy just love poking fun at the Bodowi administration..

Look, they even poke fun at our favourite karaoke song….

The Greatest Love Of All...

2008-02-14T02:16:00.010+08:00

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To me, the greatest love of all this season is not measured by the bouquets of roses or the glitter on that diamond ring.

Its made of twigs, straws and dried leaves.....painstakingly weaved into a cosy home for his mate & offsprings.

flutter , flutter, weave weave weave .....

This incredibly amazing ‘labour of love’ started 4 days before the lunar new year outside my window.

He busied himself tirelessly, chirping cheerfully, shuttling to & fro gathering all the construction material as his impressed pregnant mate watched from a nearby perch.

Occasionally, there would be a gang of rowdy mynahs cackling loudly reminding the little fella of his intrusive flight path. This is where I play God and exercise divine intervention using my broom to scare them away.

Alas, today the nest is finally completed and her mate moved in.
This must be the best Valentine’s Day gift for her.

For those of you unattached tonight and no where to go …the 'love nests' in Chowkit are open til 12 midnight.

Enjoy the song....

Hahahahha!!!

Happy Valentine’s Day all!

Tahun Baru Main Judi...

2008-02-09T15:24:00.000+08:00

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Yesterday Suitapui sent me a SMS;

“Hali busat sudah mali,
Beli nimau satu loli,
Satu tawun satu kali,
Wa mikin silap, wa veli soli
Itu ampau sini mali”

Cocka replied ;

Ini tawun, manyak kes-kes terjadi
Lori sama nimau kena hijack oleh mangkali
Sikalang lady luck pun tarak teman gua judi
Nampaknya angpow kena tunggu 1 tawun lagi

Gua pegi jamban tangan mesti ada cuci
Kalau tidak nanti mahjong tiles bau tahi
Gua memang shiok tengok amoi mya red undies,
Tapi mana tahu satu ah moi tarak pakai hali ini
Bilang undies merah dia sudah kasi cuci
Gua pun tersilap nampak dia mya puki

Gua pun tarak pannai main gin rummy
Sebab distracted oleh amoi pakai skirt-skirt mini
Bila mereka duduk, sengaja lipat-lipat kaki
maciam itu ‘Basic Instinct’ mya movie

Ahhh! mungkin masih ada satu cara judi lagi
Gua lipat kertas lambor 0-9 ke dalam tin besi
serta goncang itu lambor bila amoi buka kaki
Sudah dapat lambor , gua terus pegi beli 4-D

Kung Hei Fatt Choy!!!

2008-02-06T02:14:00.001+08:00

Cocka wishes all you humsap, sampat, ting-tong, sot-sot tey, hiao hiao tey readers a Happy & Prosperous Year of the Rat!

As with all Chinese new years, the auspicious colour is red…so 4-D punters, mahjong kakis, gamblers etc, make sure you have your red undies on, yeah!

This year, the corset is back…thanks to CSL’s personal friend, so make sure you get one too. With all that binding and squeezing, even a hippo would look sexy, trust me!

For those of you, who find it hard to get your red undies from your usual outlet because of your odd sizes, (Suituapui are you reading this?)

try the Reject Shop. LOL

Back to the pineapple tarts…

We miss you...

2008-01-28T19:53:00.000+08:00

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You were an angel sent from above...
You’ve touched the lives of those around you and delighted them with your wit & infectious laughter...

You were always generous with your hugs and kisses...
You brought so much joy to your parents and those who know you all these 6 years...
You were an inspiration to them who tended to you because you responded to treatment...

Why didn’t you fight on?

You filled our hearts with unspeakable sorrow, anguish and a deep sense of loss that day...
We were angry at those who said that you will heal; at those who assured us over and over again that your chances are good.

Why did you give up?

But if that is your choice, go on Lil’ Sophie…. go to grandma
She’ll take good care of you for now

Goodbye Lil' Sophie...
Unker Cocka & your parents will miss you very much.

Suatu petang Di Jalan Gasing….

2008-01-25T01:34:00.000+08:00

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Cocka : Amah, where are you waiting?
Amah: I’m waiting beside the Assunta school.

Cocka: Are you the one dressed up like a naughty little school girl? *drools*

Amah: Lei jau siong la!!!

We proceeded to a residential house for our sumptuous dinner…

We bloggers are so 9 femes that even ah por wants to snap our pics with her kick-ass camera!

Dinner started without her, as she was still trying to prove that by driving against the flow of traffic would be faster…

Hello! Only Winnie can do that, ok!

The two lovebirds whacked all the carrots on the poon choy…

Why? Got scientific proof that carrots possess aphrodisiac properties meh?
Hmmm…maybe hor! Like the saying goes; “Breed like rabbits” or was it “Bang like rabbits”? Hahaha!! No lah, Just kidding! His face got so many pimples is proof enough that he didnt release wan. ROTFLMAO!!!

Amah went on to entertain us with her apoh story….

And her phone rang with hiao-hiao melody….

We were hoping that she’ll pull a couple of Rose Chan’s gyrating moves, but unfortunately…

She finally arrived, worn and haggard…fuming and cussing all the way to the toilet where she spent another 20 minutes pee-ing.

After dinner we adjourned to Damansara Utama for coffee…but for some reasons Amah got damn blur and went to the outlet in section 14 instead. Hahahha!

Angeles finally saved enough stickers to claim 75% of her diary while yours truly owns 25%....(as with everything else on her.)

More jokes and history lessons from her…
Nope, Christopher Columbus did NOT discover America! *Gasp* Amah has the details.

She also told us how bananas got their names… Kakakakakaka!!!

Verdict on the evening:
Cocka: "So did you have a good time or what?"

Ehon: “You KL bloggers damn happening lah. Ya really enjoyed myself. Pssst! Kuching bloggers hor, damn boring wan”

Niamah Fulat!!

2008-01-20T01:39:00.000+08:00

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Ah Nel...thanks for the 'Miss A Bit' YouTube video....it couldn't have come at a more appropriate time.

MCH! KNN! Tim kai??? tim kai ah????? *tearing hair*

Lin-Cocka-Wingz Farkkaoty of Communication

2008-01-18T02:10:00.000+08:00

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Kata-kata aluan dari Pengarah Lin-Cocka-Wingz University of fine Yamade.

Ladies & gentlemen,

Once again, I’m proud to announce that our university of fine yamade recognizes the rapid growth in the world of vulgar communication increases the ‘bonds of brotherhood’, eliminating international conflicts and enhances human relations through the art of fine ‘tiu-ing’. No matter how terror one's talents are in a given field, the inability to ‘tiu’ properly & effectively will jeopardise one’s chances of building relationships especially with the Hongkies or canto speaking community. Realising the importance of vulgar communication as an essential component of individual success, this programme prepares students to meet the challenges of day-to-day ability to ‘tiu here, tiu there’ without reservations.

Professional ‘tiu-ing’ communication is also designed to enhance communication skills and techniques in preparation for employment in hawker centres, Petaling Street vendors, pasar malams, wet markets, construction sites or even preparation for further education in the field of profanities. The programme provides students with theoretical as well as practical knowledge of professional communication.

Entry requirements

Must be able to speak Cantonese
Priorities given to Ah Bengs & Ah Lians with spiky ‘dragonball’ hairstyle or blonde hair with contrasting black eyebrows with terror names like Apple Kok, Fish Leong, Rolex Tan, Dion Wong, Rain Tee or any other unpronounceable fanciful names.
Ability to regurgitate phlegm disgusting loud and spit more than 5 ft away would be an added advantage.

I now present to you our visiting lecturer….Professor Danny Wong.

And The Winner Is......

2008-01-14T00:15:00.000+08:00

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It was certainly great to see so many good entries and I must say that it was quite a task to pick out the winning entry.

But, there can only be one winner, (unless he/she wants to invite you to lunch) and it shall goes to the entry that made me laugh the most.

Ladies, Gentlemen, humsap participants and readers, may I announce the winner of this contest goes to Suitapui!!!!

Yes, the judges that include representatives from the health ministry has unanimously voted your entry the best!

(Note to other readers: Looks like he won't be inviting anyone else to lunch with him coz he alone can whack 2 portions wan. They don't call him tuapui for nothing! LOL)

Suitapui, please send your forwarding address to doodle.cocka@gmail.com so that I can mail the voucher to you. Congratulations and well done!

To those of you who didn't win, thank you for taking part and do watch out for future competitions that I'll be hosting from time to time.

Cheers!

Lucky Wednesday.

2008-01-09T00:19:00.000+08:00

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....and here's a final word from our former health minister.... (click below)

Since Cocka is still in a festive mood, I thought why not hold a competition to gauge my readers' creativity?
Send in your funniest caption on the above picture and stand a chance to win a set lunch voucher for 2 persons at The Prego, Westin Kuala Lumpur.

Final 2007 Tag....The Letter 'C'

2007-12-31T02:13:00.000+08:00

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This itchy backside doctor decided that I should kena 1 more tag before the year is up. She’s gonna kena injection from me when I see her next time.

1. Famous (Humsap) Singer: My favourite humsap singer that starts with ‘C’ at this moment is Mr. Carrington. Yep, Zewt! We love this guy, don’t we? This one is dedicated to you. LOL

2. Four Letter Word: C*nt

3. Street: Chowkit..where you’ll find lots of c*nts in all shapes and sizes.

4. Colour: Yeah, they come in different colours too!

5. Gifts/Present: Sure, as soon as you learn to gift wrap it, I’m sure c*nts make pretty cool gifts.

6. Vehicle: Cub-cai. I was an ex-Mat rempit mah…..sure got sentimental attachment wan.

7. Things in Souvenir Shop: Canine (Same answer as Lokter's but my dog looks tastier)

8. Man's Name: Charles…some says he looks like a horse.

9. Woman's Name: Camilla. Cocka says she looks like a horse’s arse.

10. Movie title: Carmen Elektra’s Aerobic Striptease- Platinum Edition

11. Drink: Campari & 7Up.

12. Occupation: Char guat piaomeis from Thailand.

13. Celebrity: Carmen Luvana. Yes, I’m very sure she’s a celebrity. She acts in porn wan. Don’t believe me visit here http://www.clubcarmen.com

14. Magazine: Club

15. U.S. City: Ermm...US is Ulu Selangor? Declared city status already meh?

16. Pro Sports: Chasing after cars. This one is Alex Yoong’s favourite sport also. Hahahahaha!!!

17. Fruit: Cherry...wild ones some more.

18. Reason for Being Late to work: Cherry popping all night!

19. Something you throw away: Cherry stalk…after you’ve eaten the fruit.

20. Something you shout: Char koay teow….Curry perng….chai tao kueh!! Check out this song. Sure makes him & her homesick. LOL

21. Cartoon Character: Calvin & Hobbes….my favorite

Who to Tag? Charles and Camilla lor.

Cocka like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy & Prosperous 2008!!

2007-12-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas to all my friends and loyal readers! 4 days ago on Dec 20^th , marks the 2^nd anniversary of Nothing To Crow About. Thank you for the friendship and the inspiration! I love you all!

Sorry for not updating or dropping by your blogs as frequent as I would like to. This is due to my super busy schedule lately and it looks like it’ll stretch til June. Tiu lor!

This festive season, I can’t help but remember a Scottish friend whose only son is serving with the Argyll & Sutherland Highlanders Regiment. Being posted to Afghanistan after graduating from Sandhurst, her mum confides how it makes her shudder from the constant reminders on the news channel of those mindless attacks on British troops there. I assured her that they are there for a cause and a great part of that is to keep in check those extremists who would not like to see the rest of us in the free world keeping our way of life…our freedom to worship or our right to choose the religion of our choice. They are there so that we can continue to live. I pray for his safe return.

Someone forwarded this poem, and I guess this is the most appropriate time to post it in honour of them.

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
HE LIVED ALL ALONE
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE
I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE
AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE

I LOOKED ALL ABOUT A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE
NO TINSEL NO PRESENTS NOT EVEN A TREE
NO STOCKING BY THE MANTLE JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS
WITH MEDALS AND BADGES AWARDS OF ALL KINDS
A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH MY MIND

FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT IT WAS DARK AND DREARY
I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY
THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING SILENT ALONE
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME

THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER
NOT HOW I PICTURED A LONE BRITISH SOLDIER
WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I'D JUST READ
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO THE FLOOR FOR A BED

I REALISED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT
SOON ROUND THE WORLD THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY

THEY ALL ENJOY FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR
BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE
I COULDN'T HELP WONDER HOW MANY ALONE
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME

THE VERY THOUGH BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY
THE SOLDIER AWAKENED AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE
'SANTA DON'T CRY THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE
I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM I DON'T ASK FOR MORE
MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY COUNTRY. MY CORPS'

THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP
I COULDN'T CONTROL IT I CONTINUED TO WEEP

I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS SO SILENT AND STILL
AND WE BOTH SAT AND SHIVERED FROM THE COLD NIGHTS CHILL
I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD DARK NIGHT
THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOUR SO WILLING TO FIGHT

THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE
WHISPERED 'CARRY ON SANTA ITS CHRISTMAS DAY ALL IS SECURE'
ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT
'MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT'

Note: THIS POEM WAS WRITTEN BY A PEACE KEEPING SOLDIER STATIONED OVERSEAS
THE FOLLOWING IS HIS REQUEST I THINK IT IS REASONABLE.

PLEASE WOULD YOU DO ME THE KIND FAVOUR OF SENDING THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN CHRISTMAS WILL BE COMING SOON AND SOME CREDIT IS DUE TO OUR BRITISH SERVICE MEN AND WOMEN FOR OUR BEING ABLE TO CELEBRATE THESE FESTIVITIES.

LET’S TRY IN THIS SMALL WAY TO PAY A TINY BIT BACK OF WHAT WE OWE!

What? That obviously didn’t sound like Cocka hor? So 9 serious. Ok, ok! I’ll throw in a few Christmas songs to liven up things, yeah!

To me the true meaning of Christmas is reflected in this song…..

Time to Wreck The Malls….

Chicky icky icky

Humsap Christmas Medley…..

Enjoy the songs and have a good holiday season, everyone! Cheers!

P/S: My tree leng mou?

T'was The Night Before Christmas....

2007-12-22T22:19:00.000+08:00

.
T'was the night before Christmas.....

.....Santa went berserk.....

He couldn't take it anymore.......grabbed his gun and ammo.......

....strung and shot his reindeers......

.....................spanked the good kids and spare the naughty ones.....

got pissed as usual.........

shit on your chimney......

flashed at your grandma and made her real horny.....

We have no choice but to call in the SWAT team....

....so kids, there won't be a Christmas this season!

Too bad! Muaho ho ho! Enjoy the song.....