THE FUTURE MRS. ANONYMOUS

"Last Lecture" Professor Randy Pausch, 47, Dies

2008-07-25T13:16:00.003-04:00

Sometime last fall or winter, I stumbled upon this YouTube video:

I just read in the paper that he passed away today, so I am re-posting his Last Lecture to remind myself to strive to live a good life.

Love and Marriage

2008-07-24T15:46:00.002-04:00

I don't know why people don't like weddings. Ok that's a lie. I know why. but it doesn't make any sense to me. There is dancing! and love-celebrating! and all you can drink whiskey! and CARAFES FULL OF MACARONI AND CHEESE!!!

Why hello there. I didn't see you standing there looking all gorgeous.
We flew into Cincinnati Friday night and met up with Tyler and Kat. While we were waiting for Kat's plane to land, I went to the bathroom. I was so stinking excited about gathering for the first time since Milonye, I peed in my pants. No literally, I stood up before I finished peeing and peed IN my pants.

I slid my underwear off and tried to dry them under three different hand driers. All of which were broken. And so I am standing there, all commando in the Dayton Ohio airport, with pee underwear in my hand. And I think to myself, this is going to be one very good weekend.

This is me right after we arrived at the Dayton airport but before I peed in my pants.
It was a drier, happier time.
The rest of the weekend in Ohio went the way many of our weekends together go: drinking before noon; multiple hours of mafia playing; and watching Donny further perfect the white man's overbite on the dance floor – a.k.a. a perfect weekend.

He knows exactly where the beat is. It is in his heart. It is in his soul.
I took a lot of glamour shots pre-wedding while we were hanging out in our very beautifully lit hotel drinking 7&7's (in honor of me). Donny and I were mafia twice in a row and killed off charley first both times because…well, we didn’t have a better reason besides that it was funny and tom hadn’t yet arrived. Mr. Anonymous defended us both times, saying it couldn’t be adina because (1st time) charley was behind me and the person on the bed didn’t feel me moving to point to him (I used my toe) and then (2nd time) I am not that much of a cold hearted bitch to kill charley two times in a row (I am). Oh honey. Your adina love has blinded you to my evil mafia ways.

BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE DIE FIRST.
Jennifer had generously offered to be the designated driver for the wedding (which started at 5:30 pm) but then got drunk at like 2 pm. Even while drunk and passed out on our bed, she kept on muttering, “I’m the DD! I’m the DD!” They ended up taking a cab.

oh jenn honey. you could never have been the D.D. You were drunk on sight.
The church was intensely beautiful and miraculously did not get struck by lightning while Donny was reading from the bible ("It's not like I haven't gone to church drunk before"). The ceremony was really sweet and ended in Thom and Mo kissing! I have never seen them kiss before! And can I just say IT IS REALLY CUTE! They did it like 5 more times that day, and I swear to god my head almost exploded.

Here is the church. Here is the steeple.
I don’t know the rest of this rhyme because I am Jewish.

The right hand pic is the back of their ceremony program.
It is from xkcd.com. It reads:

Guy: What are you doing?
Girl: Spinning counterclockwise
Each turn robs the planet of angular momentum
Slowing its spin the tiniest bit
Lengthening the night, pushing back the dawn
Giving me a little more time here
With you.

Yes, those are their Wiis. Yes, they are geniuses.

Gah! Kissing! Cover eyes!

Mo throwing it away, Thom couldn’t be happier

I seriously don’t think I’ve ever seen Thom this happy.
Even during Bonye when he called us all stupid.
(how could I not mention it???)
My favorite memory from the wedding was when some Motown song started to play (I can’t remember what song it was, but we all knew the lyrics), and a few of us started to grapevine. And then a few more joined, and then a few more. Until we were all grapevining. And I am grapevining in a giant circle of some of my closest friends, and we are all smiling and in sync. And occasionally someone would spin within the grapevine circle, never missing a beat, just casually spinning. And then maybe someone else would, but just whenever we felt the urge to, you know, spin. And I am looking at all my friends, grapevining and spinning and smiling, and I couldn't have been happier. It might have been the happiest moment in my life.

How did I get this lucky

18A…and associates
…although I was really happy when I saw the carafe of macaroni of cheese.

I couldn't not post this picture again. It was just so pretty. So very very pretty.

Congratulations Thom and Mo! Biting the bullet never tasted so much like whiskey!

A long overdue HELL YEAH

2008-07-22T07:00:00.002-04:00

Dear Jackie, it has been two months since you got engaged (!) to Steve. Holy crap. First off, let me repeat that in all caps: YOU ARE ENGAGED, HOT PANTS. You are not going to die alone. And if you do, at least you’ll be riding the alimony pony to your grave. And what girl doesn't love a good pony ride.

I have been struggling with what exactly to say in my congratulatory blog post since you are not a huge fan of broadcasting online the minutia of your life. I thought about recounting the time we ---- or the time that you had to ----- and then I ---- and oh god remember when ------ and then you passed out? oh man those were some good times! but it seemed so unrelated to the situation at hand. Like I was inserting myself in to YOUR special time, a time when you get to obsess over the color of the linen for the buffet table and the curve of the calligraphy on the inside envelopes of your invitations.

And it IS your time, Jack, way beyond the fact that you are now engaged. You are a master of speech pathology and a future Baltimorian and you are as smart and charming and stunningly beautiful as the day I met you if not 1000 times more so. You are marrying a man who is completely in love with you and will stand by your side no matter what. He has a gold heart and a decent bocce ball arm. That egg you got there, it is a good one.

And so I guess I just wanted to say that I am here for you. Obviously for the wedding planning and the constant self doubt that comes along with it (do green and pink really compliment each other? should my bridesmaids wear matching shoes? WHAT IF IT RAINS???), but also beyond that. The questions and concerns that come along with marriage, the shit they don’t tell you on theknot.com. The heart palpitations that you will get every now and then from all the stupid decisions you have to make. The freaking big ass fancy pants party you are now responsible for throwing even though you would much rather just invite everyone over your place for some beer chicken and Taboo. The life part, the up to and after part and the every inch in between part. I am going to be there for all of that. I am going to be YOUR girl. Any way you want to look at life, I will stretch my tiny neck as far as it goes and I will look at it all with you.

So let’s do this babe. Go grab a Pabst (something blue) and let’s get you married.

love, adina

I never meant it to be so linear

2008-07-21T07:00:00.000-04:00

This week I plan on discussing the following:

- an engagement
- a marriage
- a divorce

Stay tuned.

Twitter: rhymes with "time suck"

2008-07-18T07:44:00.005-04:00

So I bit the bullet and started to twitter (for those of you who do not know of twitter or do not understand why one would twitter, watch this video). I'm not going to lie, the main reason I signed up is because I knew Abi was there and I hadn't been able to get in touch with her through our regular channels. And no offense to Alexia but I swear to god if I have to look at those freaking sweet potato fries for one more day, I am going to kill someone. Or go eat some sweet potato fries.

So to everyone but Abi: if you are on twitter, twitter me! And if you are not, well good for you for attempting to save what is left of your offline personality by avoiding complete online identity submersion. I mean, it's futile bitches but I respect you for trying.

And to Abi: I was really worried about you until I saw that you were twittering about eating ice cream in california. and then I was just jealous.

I can't decide whether or not this was a "had to be there" moment. but it was so funny to me that I have to share it.

2008-07-17T07:00:00.000-04:00

Barbara and I are making small talk with a guy from the 4th floor. his name is jason. he has dreads and a little bit of a belly. he is sort of adorable, in a i-used-to-smoke-pot-everyday-and-when-say-used-to-i-mean-i-totally-still-do kind of way.

barb: So my professor tried to convince us that Mt. Airy is considered part of Philly.
jason: isn't that in New Jersey?
barb: exactly.*

* If you are not from around here, click below for a quick geography lesson.

Mamihlapinatapai

2008-07-16T07:00:00.000-04:00

Me too kottke.

When it is time to accept that you have no real sense of what is "normal"

2008-07-15T09:00:00.000-04:00

When your husband grills 20 burgers (freshness questionable) on a George Forman in your kitchen all for himself and it doesn't even phase you.

don't answer that question, it is a trap

2008-07-15T07:00:00.000-04:00

mr. anon: Did you do anything today?
me: ...define "anything".

Quipping

2008-07-14T19:38:00.004-04:00

I officially declare it quip week. This will give me a chance to catch up on some outstanding projects while stile satisfying your adina fix. Because you all know you can't live without it, even though you say you can stop whenever you want to.

I'll be here all night ladies and gentleman

2008-07-14T16:10:00.002-04:00

From my notes from my last Board meeting: "...these subjects will not be in a position to have sex and thus birth control methods do not need to be discussed..."

I never learn although I always regret

2008-07-10T21:33:00.001-04:00

I am at a meeting with many of the top physicians and researchers from the university, including an oncologist, an infectious disease physician, a neuroradiologist, a rheumatologist, two translational medicine specialists, and a dentist. We are discussing our ethical and safety concerns of cutting edge research.

My hair is slightly sunkissed (or as sun kissed as jet black asian hair can get) and my face is looking pretty damn thin (or as thin as a giantly round flat asian face can look). I am feeling fairly pretty and normal. I never feel this normal.

And then the plate of extra creamy rigatoni pasta starts turning in my lactose-hating stomach. I look down and remember that I am wearing ultra white capri pants. These are some brand new very white pants. I am talking Katie Couric white, Cate Blanchett white, Tilda freaking Newton white. Yeah I know, that is super duper white.

Crapping my pants is not an option.

Dancing

2008-07-08T12:38:00.004-04:00

No matter where I am or what I am doing, watching these videos always make me cry a little. I just think they are so stinkin' beautiful.

(watch it in high quality on YouTube, it is way better)

I've been so busy with other things, I forgot what is really important

2008-07-07T18:12:00.004-04:00

Gchat with Chris Chau (aka marley42)

marley42: yo, its 7 on 7 day!
marley42: :D
me: ?
me: oh my god
me: it's 7&7
me: how did i miss that
marley42: OH YEA!
me: i can't believe i didn't even think of that
me: i am so disappointed in me
marley42: its ok, drink more, or start drinking at 7:07, then you get double 7&7!!!
me: hmm
me: good point
me: i will do that

Relativity

2008-07-03T14:00:00.000-04:00

Things that I am afraid of
1. the moment the plane’s wheels stop touching the ground
2. making the wrong decisions
3. forgetting my priorities
4. loved ones dying
5. vampires
6. getting my teeth knocked out
7. getting pregnant before I am ready
8. heights
9. getting raped
10. mice in my house
11. not appreciating what is right in front of me
12. scary movies
13. root canals
14. not being able to sleep at night
15. being alone in the dark

Things I am not afraid of (but maybe should be)
1. getting shot
2. dying
3. getting hit by a car while riding my bike
4. falling (on my face, while roller skating, out of a tree, etc)
5. eating from the food carts
6. getting lost in Camden, NJ
7. losing my job
8. the fact that I do not know my family’s medical history
9. getting really dirty
10. being disliked
11. germs
12. turning 30
13. admitting that I am wrong
14. taking care of myself
15. terrorists

50 Things that are Important to Me (in no particular order)

2008-07-03T06:00:00.001-04:00

1. clear sinuses
2. my great aunts and uncles
3. slightly overcooked noodles
4. my memories
5. challenging conversation
6. spontaneity
7. mr. anonymous
8. children laughing while running
9. good huggers
10. the perfect room temperature
11. classic movies
12. walking barefoot
13. seeing my mom and dad holding hands when they walk
14. friends who dance with their whole bodies
15. food served hot
16. wind in my hair
17. finding a supportive bra
18. my favorite neighborhood ladies: Miss Crosby, Rakaya, Amaya, Miss Valerie, Miss Ida
19. my sister’s smile
20. facing the ocean
21. my macbook
22. my americorps team
23. the way the night feels in the country
24. learning the life stories of my cab drivers
25. sassy stilettos
26. warm challah bread
27. real life hilarious names (e.g. Stacie Secreto)
28. reading the Sunday comics while pooping
29. stability
30. change
31. hot dogs
32. the internet
33. foreheads touching
34. contagious laughter
35. tenderness
36. open air markets
37. all you can eat crabs
38. my friends
39. being part of a family
40. biking downhill
41. silver linings
42. scrunched up noses
43. the smell of garlic
44. the fact that my father always cries at Its a Wonderful Life every Christmas
45. engaging writing
46. realism
47. sassiness
48. making double plays at second base
49. boggling
50. being human

Signs

2008-07-02T14:00:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I just wish that there was a giant sign in front of me that informed (preferably in large flashing lights) me what my next move should be. “TURN LEFT AT THE STOPLIGHT.” “DO NOT EAT THAT CHEESE QUESADILLA, YOU WILL REGRET IT TONIGHT.” “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, BUY NEW UNDERWEAR.”

Maybe a blinking sign is too distracting, Maybe something more subtle, like personalized, life-specific fortune cookies. Or maybe a person who you see every day – a homeless person or a bus driver or a security guard – locking eyes with you and delivering your daily dose of good advice to you.

And I wouldn’t want it to be open to interpretation. No “make a change in your life” crap. I want specific directions, the recipe for a disaster-free day/life. “When Joe from accounting asks you to lunch, say no. Because it will lead to a few romantic dates but then will ultimately turn into 4 years of passionateless dating followed by a sad and bitter break up that will leave you disenchanted about love and human beings in general.”

And if this person or fortune cookie or whatever came with a glass of seven & seven, well that would be just ideal.

Fear and Loathing...but mostly Loathing

2008-07-01T22:00:00.000-04:00

I am really not a self loathing person. There are a few things I am a bit sensitive about. For instance, I am very conscious that my face is round and flat (thanks to my dad for rubbing my face and calling me flat face when I was growing up). I am also overly aware of the fact that I carry most of my excess weight in my belly (calling them love handles is not cute – it is obnoxious and makes me want to tweak your nipples until they bleed). And I guess I do not love being teased for my need for constant reaffirmation (I am adopted goddamnit, give me a freaking break).

But aside from those and maybe a few things here and there, I generally am pretty proud of who I have grown up to be. I was a baby without an identity or home, left on the steps of the Daegu police station outside of Seoul. A family found me, wanted me (despite my flat face), brought me to my homeland (New Jersey) and proceeded to love me unconditionally. Yes, they were crazy. But whether the crazy was genetic or learned, it turned that I too was a bit uneven.

At first the crazy manifested in me imploring fellow elementary school students to put their buttery noodles in my little sandwich bag. So I could eat them. Because obviously I was a sad little asian wasting away from carb deficiency. Then I started to jerk suddenly, whipping my braid around my head to form half a num-chuck heading straight for your face. Finally, it reared its ugly head in the form of an unpredictable desire to hide in closets for long periods of time and the inability to keep it together.

I am sure you know by now that I take meds for this. And the crazy, it’s not so bad anymore. Yes, I still accept noodles sent to me in a Ziploc bag (as long as they are shipped on dry ice). But closets no longer beckon to me like a light at the end of a dark tunnel, a safe haven from a world that is painful and stupid.

Except (and there is always an except in these types of posts) lately, I’ve been feeling a bit…uncertain. Uncertain that I can get through the day without saying something particularly off the wall or without doing something I will regret (giving my boss a wedgie, washing pop rocks down with soda, etc). Uncertain of my ability to do my job well, to be a good friend or wife or daughter, uncertain that I am good enough or deserving enough for all the blessings in my life. Uncertain as to whether or not I am unhappy or just a little bit lost.

If I am lost, if all I need is a bit of direction, then I could make that happen. I could sit down, reassess, make an excel spreadsheet, and be on my way. But if it is something larger, something deeper, than I am not sure where I should start. It sounds so vague, so undefined, but it is because it is vague and undefined to me.

Or maybe it’s not.

Euu, mystery! Intrigue!

Navel-té

2008-06-30T06:00:00.000-04:00

I haven’t had much time to seriously blog these past couple of weeks. I kept on giving little snapshots of my life – past and present – without any promise of a post that dug a little bit deeper, got a little bit dirtier, or at least talked in even more depth about my noodle obsession and my distaste for all things green.

But as I sit on the cold hard floor of Philadelphia Airport (in an effort to keep my Mac juiced at one of the conveniently placed electric outlets) and revel at the deep gray skies metaphorically flipping me off, I think to myself – what better time to blog!

Not like I have internet. Because heaven forbid airports provide you with one luxury, free of cost. They give you free toilet paper! and free oxygen! And free windows to look out of! What more do consumers want for their $300 one way tickets to Dayton freaking Ohio?!

All pseudo bitterness put aside though, this extra time is a bit of a blessing. I was hoping to catch up on some blogging, write a few HER reviews that I have had on reserve in my brain/on my tongue, and also do a bit of prep work for my upcoming board meeting. When I thought I was going to do this, who knows, considering I planned to arrive (a bit tipsy) at the airport an hour before take off. Now I get to really dig down deep into my navel for a tastier, more profound look at my life and what has come of it.

So maybe you can consider this post an introduction to a series of posts (all written in the next two hours but posted intermittently throughout the next week) of me really taking a step back and taking a good hard look at my life. And maybe figuring out what I am doing wrong and then maybe being honest with myself and thinking up some viable solutions. All without actually telling you what I really am thinking or feeling. Because I wouldn’t want to overshare. That would be embarrassing.

We could call it Navel-té (get it?). or I’m not leaving on a jet plane (get it?). or A pathetic excuse for a week of blogging (get it?). I personally like Navel-té; I think it is kind of clever and not as self loathing as the last option.

Thinking

2008-06-26T13:34:00.005-04:00

- One day, I want to say something really meaningful. So meaningful that people will start quoting me, and then misquoting me, until what i originally said is reduced to a one liner on a website featuring inspirational quotes. Only then will I be sure that I have truly made an impact in this world.

- I really really love softball. My new chant goes: "What do we love most in this world? Family! Friends! Beer! SOFTBALL!" Because you have to be true to your priorities.

- I am not getting to the beach nearly enough this summer. It is already the end of June and I have gone once. ONCE. I should get my Ocean City seasonal beach tags revoked because I do not deserve them.

- I feel up and down a lot lately, but mostly down. As a result, I have upped my therapy appointments from every other week to three times a month. I suspect all of that touchy feely crap will ultimately be too much for me to tolerate, but I am going to try in an effort to be proactive. and because I refuse to be unhappy in my life. And I think I am unhappy right now.

- I wonder when the hell crab season is going to get here, for the love of god.

- I lost ten pounds since the beginning of the summer. But I cannot seem to get past that 10 lb mark. Maybe I should start cutting out the carbs in my diet...hahahaha whooo that made me laugh.

- How can such a little nose produce so much snot?

- I wish you could see more stars in the city.

impulsive

2008-06-24T13:17:00.002-04:00

I keep on having alternating impulses to deep clean our apartment and to nap in my underwear.

after all these years - are my parents finally trained?

2008-06-22T06:00:00.000-04:00

6/13/08 chat

me: i have too much on my plate
Daddy: i know, but we were keeping our mouth taped shut

but we always eat at buffet...

2008-06-21T06:00:00.001-04:00

6/13/08 chat

Daddy: what do you want to do Sunday????
Daddy: By the way-HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13th
me: what do YOU want to do on sunday?
Daddy: Dinner at least
me: what kind of dinner? BUFFET?
Daddy: I'm really trying to lose weight
me: why? to fit into your bathing suit?
Daddy: no to get rid of my gut I hate guys w/large overhanging guts

grim reality

2008-06-21T06:00:00.000-04:00

5/27/08

Daddy: how is the car?
me: great
me: shiny
Daddy: the shine wont last

who needs hurricane schwartz

2008-06-20T06:00:00.000-04:00

5/11/08 chat

me: i had a nice time with you and mom tonight
Daddy: same here
Daddy: get a good nights sleep
Daddy: remember, cold & rain tomorrow