Brett & His Typewriter

Adieu

2008-10-02T01:26:00.002-04:00

It's been an awful year, which means it's been a great year for writing. My heart's just not in this project anymore. I still love writing letters, and will gladly correspond with anyone who writes. It makes me smile that the letter with the most vague reference was my last.

I've just had something take the wind out of my sails this month.

Ah well.

Brett Jensen: A fan of bad literary puns, not of seafood.

2008-09-22T16:15:00.004-04:00

Brett writes to his next-door neighbor

2008-09-17T17:37:00.001-04:00

Write to your local congress member. Brett did!

2008-09-16T16:46:00.003-04:00

Brett Writes to FannieMae

2008-09-11T12:51:00.000-04:00

America Needs Chris Berman (No, really!)

2008-09-09T10:29:00.003-04:00

Brett votes for at least 59 cents of change.

2008-09-03T14:26:00.001-04:00

Brett's Gonna be a STAR!

2008-08-28T09:35:00.001-04:00

Brett Joins a New Party!

2008-08-27T15:42:00.001-04:00

An Open Letter Seeking the Position of Truancy Officer

2008-08-25T10:44:00.007-04:00

"Cody" the Whale Died

2008-08-22T14:10:00.001-04:00

Brett is a Girl Gone Wild

2008-08-11T18:29:00.001-04:00

Brett Writes (no joke) to Jesus Christ

2008-08-08T16:45:00.004-04:00

So I suppose this one needs a little back story.

I've wanted for awhile to write a letter to a completely random person. I planned on blocking their name out to protect their identity, and just type them an utterly absurd letter. For reasons I don't care to recall, I did a white pages search for Jesus Christ, and searched here in New York state. Lo and fucking behold, there's someone listed in the white pages as "Jesus Christ" 3.5 miles from where I live.

"Brooklyn." I said calmly to myself, "Yeah, that makes sense."

At this point, there's really no reason to block out his name. If you either were named Jesus Christ, or changed your name to Jesus Christ and are happily listed in the phone book, you've effectively asked for it.

150th Posting Brett Writes to Michael Moore

2008-08-06T15:03:00.003-04:00

Because I know that I'll receive an e-mail about this, I'm letting you all know that "catty-corner" is an acceptable alternative to the "kitty-corner" you all seem to prefer. Additionally, I'm always correct, and you only pass off competence on occasion. Congrats.

Brett wonders if there's life on NASA.

2008-08-05T15:01:00.001-04:00

Lord Brett Epistleizes David Letterman

2008-07-30T18:11:00.001-04:00

Brett valiantly attempts to save a small Japanese town from their certain doom.

2008-07-29T16:09:00.001-04:00

Brett hath not talent, sire!

2008-07-24T23:19:00.001-04:00

I'm sick of writing blog titles for this shit. Just read the letter.

2008-07-23T23:59:00.002-04:00

Brett Writes to Paul Wall

2008-07-22T13:34:00.002-04:00

In the considerably fortunate circumstances upon which you haven't heard of Paul Wall, promptly lose your virginity (and lunch) while watching this: The worst thing ever created.

Brett is dead.

2008-07-19T10:27:00.003-04:00

Brett Writes to Mr. Joe's Portable Toilets

2008-07-15T17:28:00.001-04:00

Great success.

2008-07-07T01:31:00.002-04:00

Good eve, all.

Thank you for your forbearance. I have letters forthcoming.

Also, a question for you all. Am I allowed to feel a bit saddened at the fact that an ex-girlfriend sold a Tiffany's necklace I gave her on eBay?

The answer, as any connoisseur of relational matters will tell you is, "Of course not! Don't have girlfriends!"

Brett re-bought his virginity.

2008-06-22T01:22:00.001-04:00

Brett writes to "Party Croatia"

2008-06-20T01:54:00.002-04:00