Stand UP Speak OUT

It's time to spring clean your closet, step out, and never look back as PRIDE is celebrated throughout the country.

2007-05-25T14:00:00.000-07:00

When we took our year long journey, Gay Into Straight America, our key question that we asked every single person we met was "Do you know a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender person?" It was 100% "Yes." Invariably, the person they knew was a friend or family member. Sometimes, however, it was only an acquaintance, or a person they were aware of, but didn't know very well.

Near the end of the journey, we thought we had discovered ONE PERSON who didn't know a single gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender person. Jeaneane in California, "General J" as she called herself, initially said, "No." When we started jumping up and down, excitedly telling her "Oh, my goodness, you are the first person we have met," she said, "No, now wait just a minute. Let me think." Then she said, "Yes, there is a woman at work who is lesbian." Isn't it amazing? She didn't want to be the "first!"

Different from the Pew Research percentages, our personal interaction with everyday people showed an even higher number of people at least "know" a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender person. The point is that everybody knows one of us, whether or not we are family or friend to the person who knows, so remaining silent serves no useful purpose except to keep other people uninformed about the critical issues which impact our everyday lives. Their knowledge that we exist meanss the time has come to "spring clean our closet for good" and step out in the light of day to claim the power of the gift of who we are, ridding ourselves of the last vestiges of our own internal homophobia and transphobia.

The variation in the percentages is that the Pew research asked people if they had a "friend or family member," who is gay, lesbian, bisexual and/or transgender, and we asked people if they "knew anyone" who is GLBT. Anyway you look at it, we are here to stay and we aren't going away. We are beginning to live authentic lives more and more every day. That is allowing people to get to know the whole of who we are, and discover, "You can't hate someone whose story you know." Remember, that works both ways!

If hiding has been your MO (mode of operation), why not consider doing some late spring cleaning. Not only that, consider a permanent change, and leave that closet empty for good. You won't have to spend energy each spring, finding ways to rearrange the crap that is in there, trying to make it look clean and pretty. Take out the garbage that is in there now, throw it in the trash, and keep the good stuff!

You will feel a lot better and, in the long run, so will those around you. Living and interacting in authentic ways benefits you, others and society at large. Why not truly have some PRIDE?

To your freedom, Dotti

Click here to read entire article from Diversity Inc.

Jerry Falwell & Yolanda King...Two Individuals who impacted society

2007-05-21T15:28:00.000-07:00

Last week, I was at presenting at the transgender conference, Esprit, when I first heard that Rev. Jerry Falwell had died. When I heard the next day of the passing of Yolanda King, I couldn't help but think how, in different ways, both had so profoundly impacted my life. Yet, with my daily schedule last week of offering groups to SO's (significant others) and transgender couples, plus activities at night, there was no time to sit down and pen my thoughts. Perhaps it was better that way. I needed to mull my feelings and sit with them.

One day apart, we lost two humans who impacted our society in major ways. Now you might not see any connection between the two, but the best way I can describe it is through the words from a great song by Aretha Franklin, where she says,

R E S P E C T…
Find out What It Means to me!

Communicate with respect if you want others to hear you. The essence of Unconditional Respect is:

Everyone is as they should be.

Every human’s identity is LIFE, their form is HUMAN, respect
that.

Don’t try to respect toxic behavior. Try to understand toxic behavior. Then you can learn how to stay unattached to a specific outcome regarding both situations and people, and choose to reside in the space of love vs. fear, thus enhancing your opportunity to feeling expanded and open vs. feeling disappointed, depleted, and closed.

Reality is a shared space. Control of that reality is also shared. Everyone has a subjective reality that appears “real and right” to them.

Jerry Falwell and Yolanda King had different subjective realities. Jerry's, though harmful in many ways to me and people in my community of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, seemed real and right to him.

I respect Jerry's human identity, while also understanding, rather than respecting, his toxic behavior that denigrated, without sound reasoning, an entire community of people.

Dont miss this blog we also wrote: Jerry's Kids: How Falwell empowered the GLBT community.

Al Gore recently quoted an African proverb at the Tribeca Film Festival that says, "If you wish to go quickly, go alone. If you wish to go far, go together." Then he builds on it. "We have to go far, quickly." He was introducing a series of environmental films that will be shown at Live Earth. "We have to make it through an uncharted region, to the outer boundaries of what's known, beyond the limits of what we imagine is doable." Then he recited a famous line from the poet Antonio Machado: "Pathwalker, there is no path. You must make the path as you walk."

The reporter writing the article said, "I once heard him get tangled in that line during the 2000 campaign, but this time, he wasn't trying too hard."

Gore continued, "We must find a path that we create together, quickly," he said. "With truth force. To seize the opportunity that lies before us."

The reporter continued, "His words were simple, direct and powerful. One clue to how he found that power lies at the end of the poem, in a line Gore doesn't recite, as the poet reveals his desire 'to be what I have never been ... a man all alone, walking with no road, with no mirror.' "

What Gore said could also be said about the journey of our community (including allies) and those who would disagree that equality for people, inclusive of those with sexual and gender variance, is a civil rights issue.

I believe that we need to walk quickly together in this arena as well. But I believe that we can each be one another's mirror, sometimes reflecting who we are not, so that we can become who we were meant to be. Jerry Falwell, like my family, offered the perfect mirror for me to evolve and grow into my authentic skin.

It all began with Gandhi, a major political and spiritual leader, who pioneered "Satyagraha"(truth force or soul force), the resistance of tyranny through mass civil disobedience, firmly founded upon "ahimsa" or total non-violence, which led India to independence and inspired movements for civil rights and freedom across the world. This philosophy extended to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. who worked to free our country from its archaic separation of people due to race. It deeply influenced his daughter, Yolanda King, and the journey she would take in her life.

Yolanda King urged people to be a force for peace and love, and to use the King holiday each year to ask tough questions about their own beliefs about prejudice.

"We must keep reaching across the table and, in the tradition of Martin Luther King Jr. and Coretta Scott King, feed each other," she said.

The non-violent "satyagraha" philosophy was then embraced by Rev. Mel White, who used it to begin the organization Soulforce, confronting the spiritual violence of Rev. Jerry Falwell.

As Mahatma Gandhi so eloquently spoke,"Action expresses priorities."

Jerry Falwell's actions spoke volumes about his priorities. So did Yolanda King's. So do Mel White's. And it is clear that their priorities are entirely different.

May your priorities be reflected in actions that reach across the divide to bridge the polarization of any differences that separate us, offering equality and justice to all people.

The irony of Jerry's misplaced priorities is a lesson for all of us.

Namaste, Dotti

Jerry's Kids...How Falwell empowered the GLBT community

2007-05-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

Jerry’s Kids. Perhaps you initially thought I was referring to Jerry Lewis and his kids?

No, this is different. We are the "new" set of "Jerry's Kids." This is about how Rev. Jerry Falwell, aptly labeled in 2000 by John McCain as an "agent of intolerance," actually empowered an entire community (includiing allies) to discover their voice.

Where would we all be without Jerry Falwell? Let's check out the "bigger picture," which in this case is a powerful one when we get beyond our anger at Jerry Falwell's toxic rhetoric that was continually spewed against our community.

This is what we know. The connecting threads weave the irony of how, in the end result, Jerry Falwell empowered the very community of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people he attempted to denigrate.

Yes, for all of his anti-gay remarks and dishing of mis-information (of which he was also a victim), Jerry Falwell probably single-handedly introduced more people in the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and ally community to one another. Without him, many of us would have never known each other, as our lives were woven into our individual communities in different parts of the country.

God bless him.

A personal story often best explains situations, and this is no exception. Having presented this past week at Esprit, the transgender conference in Port Angeles, I shared that I would not have been there if it weren't for Jerry Falwell.

What makes me say this?

Without Jerry Falwell, Soulforce would have never been birthed as a response from Rev. Mel White and Gary Nixon to his oppression of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community.

Click here for list of podcasts and listen to our podcast interview with Mel White.

Without Jerry Falwell, I would have never been a part of the initial Soulforce gathering in 1999, and therefore would have never met Mel and Gary.

Without Jerry Falwell, I would have not met transgender woman Judy Osborne, who I met in Lynchburg in 1999 when I took a seat at a lunch counter.

Without Jerry Falwell, I would have never met and married my spouse, Robynne Sapp. I met Mary Lou and Bob Wallner (evangelical Christians who lost their lesbian daughter to suicide) in Lynchburg in 1999. That ignited their spiritual journey in a new way, leading Mary Lou to write a book, The Slow Miracle of Transformation. They speak at conferences throughout the nation. At one of those, Robynne met Mary Lou, who was the keynote speaker. As they say, the rest is history when Mary Lou introduced me to Robynne.

Without Jerry Falwell, Roby and I would have never taken our year-long journey, Gay Into Straight America, committed to bridging the polarization in our country regarding people's understanding about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons. We would never be planning the second project of Stand UP Speak OUT, Inc. In 2008, we will embark on that project, The Great American Roadcast, and we will recall Rev. Jerry Falwell as we seek to build inclusive community in our country and beyond.

Without Jerry Falwell, countless gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and ally brothers and sisters across the country would have never met. That much is a fact.

Shame on all the misinformation that Jerry Falwell perpetuated against our community, and for all the horrific tragedies that occurred because of the misinformation. In the end result, however, we found our voice and our empowerment through looking him in the eyes, and saying, “No more! I am who I am!” For that reason, our gratefulness should override our anger.

Jerry Falwell is a man who used the misinformation that was taught to him to teach others that same misinformation. His death means that one less individual is perpetuating that misinformation about a group of people. Jerry grew to have a different understanding about race; he never crossed the abyss of his misunderstanding regarding sexual orientation and gender identity. A teacher is a teacher, and sometimes the information is bad. Beware. That is how it was with Jerry.

I hold Jerry Falwell accountable for the spiritual violence he perpetuated. I am simultaneously thankful both for free speech and the consequences of free speech. It allows us to grow and evolve.

As Rev. Mel White often said about Rev. Falwell while he was alive, "Jerry is sincere, but he is sincerely wrong."

He was then, and it remains so today, even in the shadow of his death. But let us celebrate the inspiration and mirror he provided for our own transformation, bringing forth our voices in celebration of ourselves.

God bless you, Jerry Falwell. May you rest in peace, a peace that escaped you in this life. For diminishing and denigrating others can never bring peace.

The light in me sees the light in you, Jerry Falwell...Dotti

Why isn't Spitzer running for President NOW??

2007-05-09T14:40:00.000-07:00

Who? What? When? The "who" is Governor Spitzer of New York. The "what" is for President. The "when" is now. Yes, we wish Governor Spitzer was running for President in 2008, and not waiting until 2012! Ok, we admit we are ambitious and optimistic. It has been said before about us, and it isn't the worst thing we have heard about ourselves. Check out the article, Gay Rites Will Help Families, which begins as follows in the New York Times:

Legalizing gay marriage would "only strengthen New York's families," according to Governor Spitzer, who laid forth his most detailed argument in favor of recognizing same-sex relationships in a legislative memo.

Mr. Spitzer, who late last month became the nation's first governor to propose legislation legalizing gay marriage, articulated a legal and moral argument in defense of the bill in a two-page "statement in support" that is being distributed to lawmakers.

Click on the following link for the rest of the story: Gay Rites Will Help Families, Spitzer Says...New Memo Discloses Governor's Case

Ok, do you have any better ideas? None of the other choices, on either the Republican or Democratic side, are willing to fully embrace us. How can we increase the creative tension that can impact this situation with our politicians? What can you, as an individual, do?

The most impactful thing is to share your authentic life with friends and family. Live as the gift that you are. You, your friends and your family are the ones who create the wind that changes the direction for politicians who hold up their finger to see which way the wind is blowing before deciding their stance.

The light in me honors the light in each of you, Dotti

FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO...Do you believe it?

2007-05-09T09:05:00.000-07:00

We heard from our friend, Dan Karslake a couple of days ago. He wrote, "I wanted to let you know that my film, FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO, will be screening in the Seattle International Film Festival on June 3rd and 4th. I’ll be there for both screenings so I’d love to see you! I know that you travel almost constantly, so I won’t be surprised if you’re somewhere else during that time…but just in case, I wanted to let you know!"

The good news is that we will be in town and are going down for the screening! Dan's film was one of only 16 documentaries accepted by the Sundance Film Festival this past year. Check out the Seattle International Film Festival for the details about the screenings.

Every time I hear the title of his movie, I love it, and also think, "When will our community actually start believing it?" Dan's movie is a great step in helping folks who are "wrestling" with their understanding. These folks who are attempting to reconcile their beliefs and understanding of homosexuality with who we are, no matter what their sexual orientation. Toxic religion has impacted people of any sexual orienation, making it difficult to either accept others or to accept oneself. Either way, it is a shame that God's words have been used in such a manner.

Speaking of the Bible...Lars Clausen in his book, Straight Into Gay America, says it best...

I'm loving this DC week. Inside the beltway, inside the nerve center of our country, I'm finding edges all over the place, feeling at home here. My Sunday morning unicycle ride ends at Luther Place, a congregation known across the country for putting justice at the front of its mission. They have shelters for homeless. They started the nation-wide Lutheran Volunteer Corps. They advocate for queer inclusion. On a stone outside Luther place is a quote from the Bible, from Leviticus, from Rabbi Namath's Old Testament. Not the gay-bashing quote. It's not the condemning biblical reference I've heard all through this ride, about men lying with men being an abomination. No, this quote comes from the very next chapter. A second benediction.

When strangers sojourn
with you in your land,
you shall not do them wrong.
The s trangers who sojourn
with you shall be to you
as the native among you,
and you shall love them as yourself:
for I am the Lord Your God.

What if...what if...what if...we chose this verse to hold as literal truth?

Yes, "What if?" May each of you see the light within that can then shine out upon each of us, helping to light our path. Dotti

What’s the difference between Imus and Dr. James Dobson?

2007-04-25T09:49:00.000-07:00

Imus lost his career. Dr. James Dobson still has his.

Connect the dots. Both spew toxic rhetoric that is erroneous and harms and vilifies people. Imus’ career received the death sentence. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, receives a national media platform.

As a former women’s basketball coach at the University of Kentucky in the early 80’s, I am familiar with many fine young women and dedicated athletes. I feel grateful that Coach Vivian Stringer and the Rutgers women’s basketball team had the courage to confront the erroneous and abusive comments by Imus, inspiring our country to engage in an important and deeper conversation. Our organization, Stand UP Speak OUT, names these courageous voices our newest Wind Changers, recognizing the Power of One to access and impact the Power in All of US.

While others held up their finger to see which way the wind was blowing before they spoke, these important voices of Coach Vivian Stringer and the Rutger’s Women’s Basketball Team automatically did the right thing. Without flinching, they held Imus accountable. They didn't ask that he be dimissed from his show. They let others supply the pressure by asking him to recant his diminishing remarks. They became Wind Changers, exerting their wind to alter the opinion of those who sought to discover their direction by holding up their finger. We hope their actions help each of us understand how we have failed to embrace Dr. King’s words, “None of us are free until all of us are free.”

Using Gandhi’s and King’s non-violent process to confront Dr. James Dobson regarding his abusive and toxic rhetoric, we recently suffered arrest as part of Focus on the Facts, a campaign by Soulforce at Focus on the Family in Colorado Springs. Few cared, fewer noticed, and Dobson’s comments, as vile and harmful as those of Imus, continue unchecked as he receives a national media platform for them. Where’s the public outrage?

Prominent scientists Dr. Carol Gilligan and Dr. Kyle Pruitt recently voiced their concerns, publicly challenging Dr. Dodson’s misuse of their research to validate his point of view regarding same gender parents. Dobson’s tactics for verbally abusing and diminishing our community have a long and sordid history. Where is the media scrutiny calling for accountability? Where is the public outcry against Dr. Dobson’s comments?

No one suggested that Imus be given a platform to validate his comments. His act of accepting complete responsibility by meeting with the attacked and offering a face-to-face apology saved him from being further ostracized, even if it didn’t save his career. Recanting the misinformation was our specific request of Dr. Dobson. Surely a man of his moral stature should be willing to take that step. Instead, Dr. Dobson continues speaking to 40 million people daily, his toxic rhetoric against our community causing barely the lift of an eyebrow, and his Love Won Out conferences being invited by churches to fill their sanctuaries. Rather than exhibiting moral integrity by acknowledging those who pointed out the lack of connection between his comments and their research, he did an about-face and vilified them, accusing them of being “gay activists.”

In Citizen’s Link, the newsletter arm of Focus on the Family, Imus was taken to task for his comments by both Tom Minnery and Gary Schneeberger.

Imus Dishonors Remarkable Women (April 10, 2007)
by Tom Minnery, senior vice president, government and public policy

It's Hard Out Here for Decency (April 11, 2007)
by Gary Schneeberger, senior director
Don Imus is being lambasted – and rightly so – for recent hateful comments. But he's just a symptom of a larger disease: the increasing coarsening of culture.

Can you get the obvious disconnect here? Don Imus is pummeled for his comments. Focus on the Family and Gary Schneeberger, who came out to tell us that "Dr. Dobson doesn't ever want to meet with you" feels that there is no problem with Dr. Dobson's comments about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons.

Each song, film, TV show, Internet or print article and talk-show comment that enters the pop culture mainstream has the potential to do good or ill. To build people up or tear them down. To offer hope or despair.

Don Imus long contributed to the latter half of those equations. But he is hardly alone. A society truly outraged by his remarks would do more than realize that – it would do something about it.

James Dobson should take a lesson from Imus, own his mistakes, and accept responsibility for the harm his words have caused gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons. Indeed, Dr. Dobson, Tom Minnery, Gary Schneeberger and Focus on the Family have the opportunity each day to build people up or tear them down. To offer hope or despair. We will give them their due by saying that, in many cases, they do lift people up. Unfortunately, all they have offered our gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community is despair by continually tearing us down, implanting false information into the hearts and minds of those who trust Dr. Dobson.

Dr. Dobson has received a national media platform to present “the other side” of the argument every time the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community stands up and speak out for ourselves. Indeed, they have contributed to the latter half of those equations of tearing us down. Indeed a society truly outraged by his remarks would do more than realize that—it would do something about it.

It has taken 40+ years since the passing of civil rights legislation for racist comments to become unacceptable. Yes, even though they still occur (as evidenced by Imus and others such as comedian Michael Richards), today there is a stigma attached to being a racist. The quickness with which both the public spoke and corporations withdrew sponsorships, thus costing Imus his career, shows that there is now a stigma to heterosexism in combination with racism. But there is still no stigma to being homophobic.

Our gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender community can help to shorten the time table it takes for the development of a stigma for being homophobic by living as the gift that we are. Let’s empower our own community by encouraging one another to live authentic lives. Until we turn the corner and make toxic homophobic comments about our community as unacceptable as racist ones, no one is truly free. Let’s eradicate the homophobia that is alive and well in our country, and expressed on an ongoing basis by James Dobson, and supported by Gary Schneeberger, who couldn’t understand why we asked Dr. Dobson to recant remarks. Dr. Dobson's comments that aren't just hateful, they are literally eroneous. They are more than "This is my opinion." They are untrue AND inflamatory...just like those of Imus.

Is anyone listening? Does anyone care? How we get others to connect the dots and say, "No more!"

We need more love, not fear. We need more love, not less.

Thanks to each of you who are opening your hearts to more authentic connections, deeper conversations, and more love.

Dotti and Robynne

What lessons do Imus, Dobson, Va. Tech and the war in Iraq offer us?

2007-04-24T20:40:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is our first blog during April. A lot has happened in our world during the last few weeks...from people's feelings about our confronting Dr. Dobson being a hopeless situation, to more deaths in Iraq, to our own travels and speaking in Oregon, to more deaths in Iraq, to the Imus situation, to more deaths in Iraq, to the killings at Virginia Tech, to more deaths in Iraq, to many people questioning whether or not the media should have aired the video from a killer who so desperately wanted a media platform for his manifesto that he overnighted his package containing perverted violence in between the first shootings and his second rampage, to more deaths in Iraq. When will it end? Are there lessons to learn?

During this time, we have written and and written, and then stopped short of finishing some writing, feeling at times overwhelmed. We back up now to share some of our insights, as well as some responses to comments from folks.

In our March 22 blog, KNOW WHO YOU ARE, we shared comments from a friend, acknowledging the importance of her questions and conversation. Clarification and understanding regarding "why" we approach Dr. Dobson is necessary and important.

Her comments from that blog began with

Well ladies ....I hate to break this to you, but with Dr. Dobson you are screaming at the deaf."

Her comments remind us that Dr. Dobson has indeed refused to meet and/or talk with us; however, but we also recognize that the deaf can "hear us" if we continue to implement creative ways for communication.

We've also since discovered that we aren't the only ones with whom Dr. Dobson is not talking. Cara DeGette first wrote this article, More Skirmishes Likely At Focus HQ, the week after our arrest on February 19, 2007.

A comment in the article from Gary Schneeberger, and repeated below, provides the very "monologue" that we have been hearing for over ten years, as Focus on the Family refuses to have any dialogue with Soulforce.

"We’ve heard what they’ve had to say, and they are not interested in dialogue — they are interested in monologue," Schneeberger says.

Sounds like the same tactics that Rev. Ted Haggard used. Call attention to what you don't like by calling it exactly what you are doing.

The above article then led to her next one, Focus on the Burning Bridging, detailing how she has been shut out, permanently it appears, from Focus on the Family speaking with her any longer.

Cara says,

"I’ve been 86’ed by Focus on the Family. Again. That’s right, after a sometimes on, mostly off-again 14-year relationship, the Christian ministry and media empire has notified me that it will never, ever, ever, deign to be interviewed by yours truly again. I’ve burned all my bridges, I’m told, the ones that connect readers with the massive ministry that is headquartered in northern Colorado Springs.

My crime? Well this time I really did it. I accurately quoted their spokesman. That's right. Accurately.

Here's how it happened: Last week, Colorado Confidential reported on an incident involving two lesbians who were hauled away by Colorado Springs cops on Feb. 19, after they refused to leave Focus on the Family. They wanted a private audience with the ministry's founder James Dobson, to talk to him about his position on homosexuality."

So, check out Focus on the Burning Bridge to read "the rest of the story." Her article was later also carried in the Colorado Springs Independent.

Michael de Yoanna, with the Colorado Springs Independent, interviewed us when we returned to Colorado Springs to face the judge. You can read his article, Focusing on ...Focus: Recent Soulforce arrest at Springs campus portends campaign to come.

Amazingly, when we wrote our blog, KNOW WHO YOU ARE, the Imus incident had not happened. Who could have foreseen the national conversation that would happen?

That is why it is important for us to continue being the gift that we are, whether that be with Dr. Dobson or with friends and family. We never know when the tipping point will happen. Hindsight will simply inform us that it has occurred as we observe the results of it.

And how could we have known that Russell Simmons, the founder of Def Jam Records who brought hip-hop into the American mainstream, was about to release his book, Do You! 12 Laws to Access the Power in You to Achieve Happiness and Success when we wrote that blog? Our theme of Live Authentic...Whatever It Takes! resonates with his belief that "It's the practice of listening to your inner voice," not the money that matters.

Russell says. "I think that all of us know that there's a source that connects all of us. You can call it God if you want, or whatever you call it, the idea is that there's a voice inside you. There's something that connects us all and when you're in touch with that, it allows you access to anything in the universe."

Our hearts feel heavy for all that has recently happened. The Imus situation has been handled, with the impact of his toxic rhetoric publicized for all to see, and for him to feel through an inperson meeing with Coach Vivian Stringer and the Rutgers' women's basketball team. Those who supported him in the past said, "No more!" and we got to see up close and personal that sometimes there are consequences of such rhetoric that diminishes others. Unfortunately, people are not yet connecting the dots between the poisonous rhetoric of Imus and that of Dobson. While Imus lost his career, Dr. Dobson continues to receive a national media platform to bolster his toxic rhetoric. There is a stigma to being both racist and heterosexist. There is no stigma to being homophobic and heterosexist. The killings at Virginia Tech were abhorrent, but are over, though the impact of them will continue forever. That more deaths in Iraq continue to happen daily seems like there is no end in sight to a senseless war.

What lessons are we learning? What lessons are you learning? We must each search our hearts for understanding.

That's it for this blog. We will catch up more tomorrow.

May you seek peace through love, leaving fear behind...Dotti & Roby

Unsung Heroes

2007-03-29T10:17:00.000-07:00

Unsung heroes are similar to Stand Up Speak OUT Wind Changers in that they truly made a difference. What is unique about them is that they are no longer with us, and the impact of their lives often has gone unheralded. They were Stand UP Speak OUT Wind Changers in their era, the unsung heroes throughout history. These people went the extra mile to create equality and justice for all people, even when it created personal hardships because it wasn't the popular thing to do. Below are a few we have discovered. Some are individuals who are part of the discriminated group; others are allies for those who endured discrmination. An article about Unsung Heroes by Howard Zinn, a columnist for The Progressive, gives examples of historical figures we can truly admire and emulate.

Juanita Hairston, on April 1, 1944, made a name for herself and helped start a movement. Read how Civil Rights Came Slowly, Softfly to Colorado Springs. It might have been April Fool's Day in 1994, but Juanita was no fool. She was smart enough to take action for justice years before it all began in other parts of the country. She is a new hero to us, and a reminder of why we do what we do.

Obed Dickinson was a pioneer preacher of First Congregational Church in the 1850's and 1860's. His 14-year tenure was embroiled in controversy because of what was referred to as "Negro sympathy." What was he doing that so infuriated some folks? He invited black into the church, baptized them and married them. He was criticized for being so brazen. And, to top it off, he continued to preach about the sings of slavery, despite recommendations that he stop. Click here to read the "rest of the story."

We feel so inspired by these individuals...They were truly people ahead of their time in making a difference for us, for you, for everyone. It is often easy to get wrapped up in what is not happening the way we want it to happen, getting attached to a specific outcome, creating fear and disappointment. When we read about Juanita and Obed, we are reminded of the importance of staying the course, planting the seeds of change. When they come to fruition is not something we are privy to knowing. Doing the right thing, regardless of the consequences and unattached to a specific outcome, propels us forward each day.

Contact us if you know of an unsung hero who needs highlighting. Or, if you know of a great person who is truly a Stand UP Speak OUT Wind Changer, let us know about them!

Peace...not just for tomorrow, but for today. Dotti & Roby

When are we going to quit shooting ourselves in the foot?

2007-03-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

Time and again, people in our community want to have our cake and eat it too. When we are with a partner, some have children together in a relationship they profess to be a "life-long commitment." They work for marriage equality and rights for their partner to adopt, etc. THEN...they break up and the biological mother attempts to deny the partner the opportunity to continue being part of the child's life. Some try to work the system both ways. In mixed gender relationships, this doesn't fly. In order for our community to gain credibility, this has to stop. We can't have it both ways.

Read this article about what happened in Georgia, where a lesbian woman is fighting her former partner in an attempt to keep her from having visitation rights with the child.

WHEN WILL IT STOP? United Methodist Church continues to "say one thing" and "do another."

2007-03-28T09:38:00.000-07:00

The Methodist launch a 1.5 million dollar ad campaign.

The TV message is entitled “Finding Yourself,” and is the latest component of The United Methodist Church’s “Open hearts. Open minds. Open doors.” media campaign.

“Through this commercial, we are encouraging people to find themselves as they show others what’s really going on inside. In doing so, they can find a path to God within a loving community – the people of The United Methodist Church,” said the Rev. Larry Hollon, chief executive of United Methodist Communications.

The commercial features various people exhibiting one face to the outside world, but wearing a screen that functions as a window to their hearts and shows what they are really feeling.

It is designed to appeal to thoughtful, intentional spiritual “seekers” 25-54 years old.

Ok, there are two ironies here...one is that they continue to "claim" "Open hearts. Open Minds. Open doors." How can they make such a claim when the United Methodist church supports inisters who have said to gay people (like myself), "You can't join our church." The other irony is that they are wanting to appeal to "thoughtful, intentional spiritual 'seekers' 25-54 years old." Well, I am indeed a spiritual seeker in the sense that it is the core of who I am, and will be for the rest of my life, as I continue to evolve and grow in my spiritual nature. AND...I AM 53 YEARS OLD! Yet, they have said, "No, you can't be a part."

Hey, I don't make this up. These are just the facts of what has happened. You draw your own conclusions. I am tired of groups that "profess" one thing and do another. At least I have been willing to be honest about who I am. It is more than I can say for the United Methodist church and their hypocrisy.(as a whole...not individual churches are are welcoming, affirming and celebrating us, nor those individuals who are doing the same). I know that those inside who feel this way are just as tired of this scenario as I am. When enough of them, however, get tired of the position in the back of the bus, they will stand up and speak out, and the power of the multitude will bring down the wall, just like it did in Germany.

Let the United Methodist church hear from you! Blessings, Dotti

Giving light to a dark situation

2007-03-27T10:07:00.000-07:00

Frank Lockwood, who interviewed me regarding my situation of having being denied membership at Centenary United Methodist Church in Lexington, KY, in 1999, gave me the opportunity to write more about it on his blog. Here's what I said:

Frank Lockwood first contacted me in December, 2006, regarding my situation of having been denied membership by Rev. David Thomas at Centenary United Methodist Church in Lexington, KY. Though the experience no longer lingers in my mind on a daily basis as it did when it first happened, Frank's unexpected call jolted me like a time machine back to 1999. As difficult as it was, that experience served as a spiritual marker for moving me to places emotionally and spiritually that most likely would have remained unknown had it not happened. For that, I feel grateful. Some of my life situations, which have sparked a personal evolution to a higher understanding and consciousness, are not ones that I would have willingly chosen, but I feel truly blessed for the end result. Don't we all sometimes want an easier path? I am living the life that I always imagined, one that is far richer than the religious box within which I was raised and within which the United Methodist church as a whole exists even today. I did not feed the need to defend my self worth as a sacred part of our universe; I filed the complaint to hold the United Methodist church accountable. Using biblical scriptures to spiritually violate people and wield control over them is never ok. Every day, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals encounter similar situations, and yet, many simply turn away in either shame or anger, without voicing their pain of being diminished and silenced by a group that claims to lift up and empower people.

I know that my journey has taken me deeper into my relationship with the divine nature of God, because I have not allowed anger and disappointment with the United Methodist church to steal what is most precious to me...a deep and abiding faith in the goodness of people, life and God. I often call upon my understanding of Jesus and what he faced when friends and family betrayed him, knowing that I am capable because he and others like Gandhi, King, Alice Paul and Rosa Parks paved the way for me. In the end, Jesus went to the cross because He wouldn't shut up. He was one of the first "radical activists," acting from a place of love that few understood then or now. My kind of man, yes...Jesus is my kind of man. The impact from my involvement with Soulforce and non-violent process since 1999 is indisputable, and has much to do with the difference between where I am today and where I was then. My desire is neither to humiliate or diminish the United Methodist Church. I hope that I am a person with ubuntu.

Ubuntu: " A person with ubuntu is open and available to others...affirming of others...and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished." Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Click here for the details and importance of this situation in shaping my life, and to learn how I respond today regarding this situation.

Bible Belt Blogger

2007-03-23T16:51:00.000-07:00

Nearly seven years after the fact, the rejection of Dotti's application for membership in Kentucky's largest Methodist Church hits the media.

Dotti says, "Rejection of gays and lesbians isn't confined to Kentucky and Virginia. There's no telling how many times it happens. Most people tuck their tail and leave. They either live in shame or in anger. Fighting the decision often seems futile. It took a lot of time and energy to go through that process."

Berry says she's gone public with her story for a reason. "The point is not to embarrass and humiliate anybody. It's to call attention to the harmful rhetoric because it really does harm people," she said.

Please check out http://www.biblebeltblogger.com for the full story, and for more interesting stories!

Know who you are!

2007-03-22T15:08:00.000-07:00

Dotti: I will admit that I lean more toward jazz (Diana Krall) than deep-throated heavy rock, but there is one thing that I can lean toward with Chris Daughtry, who apprently placed fourth in the 5th season American Idol. His comments caught my eye in a USA Today article on 3/21/07. Not only did he negate his "losing" by "winning" with his 1.9 million in sales, far surpassing that of Idol winner Taylor Hicks' 653,000 in sales, his other comments transcend music and ring true:

"If people say something rude or off-color, you have to take it with a grain of salt, because they don't know you...Nothing on the show hurt my confidence. Part of that is knowing who you are. It's harder to be consistent, because you'll keep changing to please a certain judge. Then nobody knows who are. They're trying to figure out which is the real you. I made sure that didn't happen. That's one reason I did so well. I didn't let them sway me or change me in any way. I think that's the key to anything in life: You have to know who you are."

Can I learn from a hard rocker? You bet! Can't we all?

We know who we are. Dr. Dobson doesn't, and therefore doesn't define who we are. We are sticking with who we know ourselves to be, rather than concentrating on who he isn't. If we each do that, all of the potential within us will be manifested.

This provides a great segue into an email we received from a friend today. We love these opportunities to clarify and create understanding. Why? Because this discussion is important to understand exactly "why" we would go inside Focus on the Family to lovingly confront Dr. James Dodson and why it is necessary.

Well ladies ....I hate to break this to you, but with Dr. Dobson you are screaming at the deaf. He can't hear you and bullies don't liked to be pushed ....frankly we could all hang out on the lawn or in the building for the next several years and without a divine intervention...total change of heart and mind...we are all just one more of those pesky Soul Force "homosexual activists" that are harassing and out to get him. He probably talked about it on his radio show and rallied the troops with a long version of "I am Poor misunderstood Dr. Dobson". The great and mighty powerful OZ. Just remember while change comes to many, he has a lot to lose...that empire needs an emperor. He likes his kingdom too much. Please save your money and trips to court...we'll pray from afar...I'm just glad they didn't throw the book at you, It probably would have been one of Dobsons!

We can't force people to love us or like us....we gotta love ourselves and just know that God loves us as is,,,,when that sinks in who cares what Dobson thinks. He's not God! He will probably continue what he has been doing forever...but we can hope and pray but trying to force him into submission is futile. He is a very stubborn man. Please take care of yourselves and stay outta jail! He's not worth it.

Our response back?

Please keep in mind that we don't go to change Dr. Dobson. We love ourselves enough to go and risk the potential rejection, because we know it is the right thing to do. We go to transform ourselves. And it is worth it. Why? That is the essential core of non-violent process. To give up hope (he's not worth it) is the greatest act of violence we could commit against Dr. Dobson. The uninformable (Dr. Dobson and those who believe like him who have not chosen to be open to another understanding at this point) are not our focus.

Our journey around America has been dedicated to the movable middle, the uninformed (which includes our own community who are silent), who, with new information and understanding, will shift to the "informed." So, we address and lovingly confront the uninformable as a tool for educating the "uninformed" in the movable middle. Understanding the dynamics of this core principle is the key component in understanding the use of creative and constructive tension; otherwise, one would get frustrated at "Dr. Dobson not changing" and feel fear and disappointment when that specific outcome did not materialize. Since that is not our goal, what happens with Dr. Dobson and Focus on the Family does not trigger us in any negative way. The very act of doing what we do (to transform ourselves) removes that potential negative trigger, along with the desire that Dr. Dobson must "change." To believe that what we are doing is trying to "force him into submission" really misses that inner workings of non-violent process.

As it has worked through history, creative and constructive tension eventually causes Dr. Dobson and others to come to a new understanding, and make a new choice out of their own free will, not from being forced into submission. Forced submission never changes anyone from the inside out, and that type of change is the kind that sticks.

Bring back Dr. King, Rosa Parks, Alice Paul, and others and ask them if they should have saved their money and trips to court, and I believe you know the answer. Dr. Dobson is merely another in the line of history, playing the same role of those from the past, such as George Wallace. He is Saul stumbling along the path, not "seeing" that what he is doing to harm others. When he has his moment, and his conversion to Paul happens, it won't be because of any type of forced submission. It will be his enlightened understanding that helps the scales fall from his eyes. His potential is there.

The wall in Germany needed the same dynamics. When the movable middle people left behind their "uninformable" status, the mass of people became educated and understood, and they created the change, and no emperor or system or anyone could stop it. It created a momentum of its own, like a snowball going down hill, picks up steam and causes an avalanche. The "old way" lies burried beneath the rubble, with the light of dawn ringing in a new day when it all settles.

The same happened with George Wallace and the same "potential" lies with James Dobson. Why you believe we are doing the "Focus on the Facts" campaign is colored by your perspective, but for us, how you see it is not based in our reality of why we are truly doing what we are doing. Hope this continues to explain and help you better understand. We believe this is an important discussion and clarification process.

She wrote back to say that, bottom line, she wrote her email when she was feeling "tired, frustrated, and spent." Hey, we can relate! And this is how we wrote her back:

Thanks for your response. This is why we (all of us sharing back and forth) have to remind each other, so that we can lift up and support one another on those frustrating days ... I thank you for the opportunity, because it allows us to help clarify for others "why" we are truly doing this! In fact, it gives us a great way of sharing with others, since they be have similar feelings that you expressed. That is why this discussion is SOOOOOO important, so we thank you from the bottom of our hearts! The more we all understand the power of unified spirit and its impact on the potential of the journey upon which we have all embarked, the better! I know your frustrations are felt by each of us at times. Thanks for articulating them.

Don't let Dr. Dobson steal one ounce of your precious energy.

We encourage ourselves and each of you in the same way. Don't let ANYONE steal your energy. KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

The light in us honors the light in each of you, Dotti & Robynne

Rev. Al Mohler causes a firestorm with comments

2007-03-18T00:17:00.000-07:00

To say Al Mohler's blog article on March 2, 2007, Is Your Baby Gay? What If You Could Know? What If You Could Do Something About It? caused all "hell" to break loose on both sides is an understatement. Why? The evangelicals accused Mohler of conceding that "homosexuality" is genetic, which is what the evangelicals count on not being true so that they can say we "choose" our "homosexual lifestyle." (Note the quotes around "homosexual lifestyle" and click here to see how the religious right and others have co-opted this term to denigrate gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons). The GLBT community accused Mohler of wanting to "genetically" tamper with babies in utero if it was determined that the unborn was going to be gay.

Then an Associated Press article, Furor Over Baptist's Gay-Baby Article, by David Crary, AP National Writer, followed on March 14, 2007, brought it to national attention in newspapers throughout the country. We read it in the Colorado Gazette while we were in Colorado Springs to "face the judge" for our Feb. 19 arrest at Focus on the Family for an act of civil disobedience.

Mohler denies that either side has it right and wrote a follow-up article on his blog, Was it Something I Said? Continuing to Think About Homosexuality. He seems flabbergasted at the firestorm, starting out the article,

"I must admit much frustration about the way many in the media have handled the issue. Headlines proclaimed "Seminary President Says Babies Born Gay" -- something I neither believe nor said. Other articles and reports claimed that I suggested that homosexuality may be genetic in origin and that genetic therapies should be used to create customized and corrected babies. I never even mentioned genetic therapies or germ-line experiments, and I am adamantly opposed to genetic therapies of such a sort -- real or hypothetical. Reading these reports and headlines was a painful and exasperating experience. If I believed those things attributed to me, I would not agree with myself and would condemn myself."

For some of you, this might be like saying "Who's Waldo?" when everyone else was playing that game "Where's Waldo" as they looked for Waldo in a picture. So, if you are thinking, "Who's Mohler?" keep reading. He is the president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Ky.

How do I believe we need to approach this situation? I have said for a long time that our argument that "we are born this way" is the wrong one. Why? The truth is we don't know WHAT causes sexual orientation, homosexual or heterosexual, or gender identity. True, most of us become "aware of who we are attracted to," and that natural attraction (which, indeed, is not "chosen," but is an aspect of ourselves to which we become aware) defines our sexual orientation as being either homosexual (attracted to same gender) or heterosexual (attracted to opposite gender) or bisexual (if we are attracted to both genders). Likewise, gender identity happens "between the ears." It is the sense that we have of ourselves as either male or female. Sometimes, that sense of ourselves does not equate with the biological equipment with which we were born.

Why am I mentioning this? I have encouraged our community to elevate the arguments above the level in which they are normally rooted, the one of saying "We are born this way" so that people will not in any fashion be able to accuse us of "choosing" either our sexual orientation or gender identity. The problelm with this approach is that we are feeding right into the hands of the religious right. This week, we got a glimpse of how that is starting to shape up.

I believe that we need to rise above the hooks and triggers to say, "It is curious to understand more about how sexual orientation and/or gender identity occur, but it doesn't matter HOW it happens, discrimination is wrong...period!" Cut to the chase. I don't become defensive if people say I have "chosen" to be who I am. It doesn't bother me at all. Frankly, I feel that "who I am" is a gift to the world, just like it is for any other person, and that I honor and respect myself. A person should not be discriminated against merely on the basis of sexual orientation, whether that is homosexual or heterosexual, or on the basis of gender identity...period...no matter "how" it occurs. Again, discrimination is wrong...period!

Back to what has happened this week. If you missed what caused the "flap," read what Mohler said at the end of Is Your Baby Gay? What If You Could Know? What If You Could Do Something About It?

"Christians must be very careful not to claim that science can never prove a biological basis for sexual orientation. We can and must insist that no scientific finding can change the basic sinfulness of all homosexual behavior. The general trend of the research points to at least some biological factors behind sexual attraction, gender identity, and sexual orientation."

My thoughts? Well, I think that Mohler stays abreast of ALL the current research involving homosexuality. He and others now realize that they are losing the battle regarding society (especially young people) accepting AND celebrating people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender, just like they would any other human being. They are losing control and they don't like it. That means that they now have to change direction regarding their approach. They are now pitting "moral" choices against one another. See how he weaves that in his response article which I previously mentioned, Was it Something I Said? Continuing to Think About Homosexuality.

As long as he is considering the dynamics involving weeding out a child for being gay, it brings up other questions. What if people want to "choose" a gay child. What happens if they turn out to be heterosexual? Will they be able to sue their doctor? Or, vice versa. Wayne Besen of Truth Wins Out makes gives some great food for thought regarding some of the dynamics that Mohler might want to re-consider, now that he is opening up Pandora's box. Click here to read.

In another generation, this will all be over. The majority will come to realize, much like the civil rights era, that this over arching disminishing of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people was a horrific tragedy and unnecessary in a free country. As in the past, there will be apologies.

One last article that he has written is called The Compassion of Truth: Homosexuality in Biblical Perspective. I don't know about you, but if this is "compassion," I don't need any.

Check out the articles and let me know what you think.

Namaste, Dotti

Tarnishing my reputation...a reminder from my mother

2007-03-17T23:13:00.000-07:00

Today is a special day. Five years ago, Roby and I spoke by phone, and never quit talking. We initially met on December 8, 2001, but life situations for both of us did not create interest in one another at that time. When we spoke on March 17, 2002, something changed. It was the first time we had spoken by phone since we met.
As they say, "The rest is history."

Roby and I left for Colorado Springs on March 12, prepared to “face the judge” on March 14 for our act of civil disobedience at Focus on the Family on February 19, 2007.

As we were approaching the airport in Seattle, I called my mother to let her know the details of what was gong on. At one point, she asked, "Why do you want to tarnish your reputation like that?"

Her comment gave me food for thought. I replied that I believe I am insuring that my “reputation” will be a good one, following in the footsteps of those like Alice Paul and Lucy Burns, Dorothy Day, Gandhi, Corrie Ten Boom, Nelson Mandela, Rosa Parks, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and Jesus, each refusing to be silenced when justice for all is at stake. I treasure the opportunity to stand in the tiniest shadow of these individuals, for my path is not nearly as difficult as theirs, but it is mine. And I can do what I choose with that path. I am creating my own legacy with which I can feel hopeful about our world. A "tarnished reputation" never felt so good!

Later, I came across a sermon, Investing our Lives, by friend and Quaker minister, Philip Gulley, causing me to think more deeply. He asked,

“What would happen if instead of resolving to make our own dreams come true, we invested our lives in making the dreams of others come true?”

Philip went on to say,

“This is what Jesus did. To read the Gospels is to encounter a man whose chief aim in life was enhancing the lives of others. He did this with such single-minded devotion and joy that people who later studied his life said that if God were to ever become a person, Jesus is what God would look like. This is true of all the great spiritual leaders—Buddha, John Woolman, Gandhi, King, Dorothy Day. Their chief aim in life was to enhance the lives of others. You do that, and when you die, people are going to say that God was fully alive in you. What a legacy that would be!

Think of the joy this world would know if instead of resolving to make our own dreams come true, we invested our lives in making the dreams of others come true.”

This is the legacy to which I aspire…making the dreams of others come true as I do Whatever It Takes to create equality and justice for ALL people, inclusive of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons. Having criss-crossed the country during the last year and a half, I have heard many, from all walks of life, talk about this dream of equality and justice, not as a theory, but as a reality. They spoke their heart dreams of celebrating unique differences, while not allowing those differences to separate us, admitting that they sometimes were not sure how to go about achieving that. That they were dreaming of the possibility is enough to motivate me. Ironically, investing my life in making this dream of others come true, also makes my own dream come true. Isn’t that how it sometimes works?

When we returned home, a note from our faithful friend and ally, Peggy Campolo awaited us. She reminded us to read Romans 15:13.

Ironically, I looked it up on the internet (much easier than going to my Bible when I was already online) and found the following picture with the verse, appropriately displaying a rainbow, and sent a “heart card” to Peggy from us.

Peggy’s note took me back to my conversation with my mother. Mom replied that she was “old,” when I asked her if she realized that a senator’s wife, Emily Leighton, risked arrest and jail to fight for her right to vote. The law, finally passed in 1920, was three years before my mother was born (she will be 84 on March 28, 2007, and is fit as a fiddle). Mom replied “Yes, I do.” I then asked her, “Mom, do you think that that lady ‘tarnished her reputation?’ ” Mom said, “Oh, it was so long ago, I can’t remember everything about it.” I said, “Mom, you don’t have to remember the details of what happened, just that it did. You admit that you remember the situation. I am asking you if you think she tarnished her reputation by being arrested and going to jail so that you could have the right to vote.” I told my mom, “Mother, you may consider yourself ‘old,’ but I do not.” A person is never too old to learn, unless they refuse to learn. I then thought about all of those historical individuals who used their Power of One to access and impact the Power in ALL of Us, risking their reputation, “tarnishing it,” in order that others, such as Marilu Johnson (my mother), and me and all the rest of the world might have freedoms. Indeed, as Dr. King said, “None of us are free until all of us are free.”

Click here for a link to a Social Studies lesson plan for grades 5-8 about women’s right to vote, a law that was passed three years before my mother was born in 1923.

If kids aged 10-13 can “get it,” shouldn’t my mother be able to learn something new, by connecting the dots to understand this how this basic civil right relates to the one that I, as her lesbian daughter, seek?

At the end of our conversation, I asked my Mom if she would have fought for the right for women to vote. She momentarily hesitated before replying, "That's not my nature." I agreed with her and said, "But, Mom, it is my nature. I would have been out there with the Iron Jawed Angels, risking arrest, jail, and my 'reputation' to insure that you could vote." Because these women did risk all, not only can my Mom, Marilu Johnson, vote, but her daughters, Dotti Berry & Becky Grant can vote. As well, Becky's daughter, Julie can vote. Additionally, my brother's wife, Vicki, can vote.

None of us is ever too old to learn. None of us are free until all of us are free. Thanks to all of those who have gone before me, investing their lives in making the dreams of others come true.

Namaste, Dotti

Dotti & Roby arrested in act of civil disobedience at Focus on the Family

2007-02-20T10:53:00.000-08:00

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY HEADQUARTERS

Yesterday, representing Soulforce, we initiated a non-violent act of civil disobedience after several years of attempt to meet and dialogue with Dr. James Dobson.

We want to share about our decision and why it is now imperative that we increase the tension.

Click here for the press release issued by Soulforce about the civil disobedience in which we participated.

Click here for our newsletter that was sent out yesterday, giving details. You can read out statements that we offered, as we handed our a video, Dear Dr. Dobson. You can also link to Dr. King's Letter from Birmingham Jail, in which we outselves as preparation for our spiritual purification before taking this action. In that newsletter, we also outlined Dr. King's steps for non-violence and what those entail. All of those steps had been followed before taking this particular step.

The following is a two part video on You Tube of what happened.

Part I

Click here to give your comments and feedback.

Part II

Click here to give your comments and feedback.

Roby: There has already been much written about our direct action and civil disobedience at Focus on the Family on February 19, 2007. I’m tempted not to say more, but everything you may have read thus far is, well… media. Apart from the Soulforce press release and the video created by Kate Burns, everything else is media, and while much of it is accurate, it doesn’t go into detail about our action and experience. Please read on for more details. We will be providing a comprehensive list of links to all the media pieces out there, but since it’s 11:30pm on Wednesday, and we’ve been traveling all day, we’ll post more of those links tomorrow.

Since our CD (civil disobedience) we have had many interviews, both television news, Sirius OutQ Radio, The Advocate magazine, GLBT Newspapers around the country, as well as the Colorado Springs Gazette and The Denver Post. Wednesday morning at 5:30 (7:30 EST), we were on live with Sirius OutQ Radio. We were laughing at ourselves and each other as, at 5:25 a.m. we were gulping down some caffeine to try and wake up after only about 4 hours of sleep (yes, we got to bed late) and warming up our voices so that we wouldn’t sound like we just rolled out of bed. So there I am, in the bathroom brushing my teeth and getting some water, and I hear this strange noise coming from the hotel room. It sounded like a cow bellowing her mating call. I listened closely again, and then with a little bit of trepidation, I came out of the bathroom and discovered Dotti sitting on the bed “warming” up her voice. I laughed, and then sat down on the bed beside her and decided she had a good idea, even if it was strange and funny. So just imagine the two of us in our pajamas, sitting on the bed in the hotel at 5:25 a.m. doing cow calls. I wonder what the neighboring hotel guests thought!

The outpouring of love & support toward us has been nothing short of incredible. We feel so blessed to have so many wonderful friends and allies. Thanks to each one of you who wrote a kind note, and/or gave a donation to help with our bail. We love you all and we appreciate your thoughtfulness and generosity!

So... WHY DID WE DO THIS??? Here's why: Because Dr. Dobson's anti-gay teachings, misinformtion and misrepresentation of us is killing people. It nearly killed me (Roby) in 2001, and it is harming families--ours included--the very families he claims to value. We cannot sit idly by while Dr. Dobson continues to speak untruths that harm people. Just like most of us would not readily give the KKK or Hitler a platform for teaching or preaching hateful and damaging rhetoric, neither are we going to sit back while Dr. Dobson takes advantage of his platform to tell lies about us, and distort the work of prominent researchers to try and support his agenda.

The night before our CD, we took a walk around the perimeter of the Focus on the Family campus. We did this because we wanted to continue to surround Focus in Love and Light and prepare our hearts and minds for the action planned for the next day. Other ways in which we prepared for this action included reading Dr. King’s Letter from Birmingham Jail, visualizing Dr. Dobson in his wholeness, and praying for hearts & minds to be ENGAGED. The evening after we got out of jail, we again, circled Focus on the Family and again surrounded the campus with Love and Light.

On February 19, 2007, we entered the Focus on the Family Headquarters Administration Building. We went right up to the reception desk and started conversing with the ladies at the reception desk. We confirmed that there would be an 11:00 tour, and proceeded to sign our names on the list for that tour. After that, we went over to the Welcome Center, where we watched the latest TV clips of Dr. Dobson on Larry King Live, where Dr. Dobson spoke about “the Ted Haggard Scandal,” abortion, and the “gay agenda,” among other things. From there, we went to the bookstore and looked around. While looking around the bookstore (and waiting for the eleven o’clock tour) Roby was rehearsing her sound bytes, and what she was going to say to the Focus Staff as we started the CD.

At 10:45, we went back over to the Admin building for our tour. Shortly after we entered the building, our friend, Diane I. saw us and greeted us with a warm hello and a hug. We told Diane that we were going to take the next tour. She said, “You’ve been on the tour before… come with me, and I’ll show you some new things.” We actually think Diane may have been onto something, because she so intently swept us away from the others (including Bill, Chris and Kate… our Soulforce supporters and film crew, who we were deliberately ignoring.)

It turned out to be perfect, because Kate, Chris and Bill went on the tour with Diane #1 (we call her Diane #1 because she was the Diane we met our first visit to Focus, and she used to live in Bellingham—her husband was on staff at The Firs, and they were involved in Geneva Community Church.) While they were on the tour with Diane #1, we were having deep meaningful conversation with Diane #2. Diane #2 is so sweet and kind, and we feel that she really cares about us and is genuinely interested in our lives and our stories. In the course of the conversation, we discovered that Diane #2 has a lesbian God-child, and a lesbian niece, both of whom have life-partners, and both of whom she loves dearly and seems to celebrate.

After our walk around and conversation with Diane #2, we three walked back downstairs, and Diane said, “Well, what are you gals going to do for the rest of the afternoon?” That is when we said this: “Diane, to be honest, we’re going to stay here. Dr. Dobson and Focus on the Family have been misrepresenting gay and lesbian families, couples and individuals, claiming that we are sinful, dangerous, un-fit to raise children and undeserving of equal protections under the law… and that must end. In addition, in the December 18th issue of TIME Magazine, Dr. Dobson wrote about Mary Cheney’s pregnancy and plans to raise a child with her lesbian partner, Heather Poe. In this article, Dr. Dobson completely distorted the work of prominent researchers. Those researchers are doing what they need to do to set the record straight and make things right, but we are here on behalf of our lesbian, gay, transgender and bisexual community to demand that Dr. Dobson stop lying about us, and to demand that he publicly recant his false statements and issue a public apology… and we’re not leaving until he does.”

At that point, Diane, seemingly surprised by our request, said, “Well… Dr. Dobson isn’t here today.” Roby said, “Diane, you know how to get him on the phone.” She then said, “Well… I’ll go see what I can do.” When she did that, we then saw Diane #1 and exchanged hugs, and began to talk with her, sharing the same information regarding our intention. Here's a picture with Diane #1 below, along with her supervisor, Heather (who we met for the first time) who was evaluating Diane #1 that day!

After about ten minutes, Gary Schneeberger, the Media Relations Director and Special Assistant to Dr. Dobson came out to meet us. He introduced himself and asked how he could help us. While this was taking place, Kate was filming. See the video for what happens… Gary Schneeberger told Kate that she needed to stop filming, which she did… but she kept the audio on, and captured what Schneeberger said. Please watch the video! Click here to see that!

We told Schneeberger why we were there, and that we were not leaving until Dr. Dobson issues a public statement and apology. He told us that Dr. Dobson does not want to and will not meet with us today, tomorrow or the next day, and that “he’s heard your rhetoric before and he’s not interested in a dialogue… because he doesn’t feel it would be a dialogue, but a monologue, and he’s not interested.”

We told Schneeberger that we were not going to leave. He then said, “Well then, you leave me no choice but to turn you over to security.” We said, “We understand.” We then immediately sat down on the floor.

A security guard came and asked us to get up and leave. We said that we would not leave until Dr. Dobson issued an apology and recanted his false rhetoric about us. He then said, “Well then, you leave me no other choice but to turn you over to the Police.” We said, “We understand.”

The Colorado Police arrived – we hear there were five police cars out front, and they even put up a barricade to keep other visitors from entering the “crime scene.” They would not allow Channel 11 news to come on the property and video.

Our friend, Den Patterson (head of security at Focus on the Family), approached us with the Police Officers. Den looked at us and said, “Ladies… what are you doing?” We told him. He said, “Why don’t you take your message and do this work out there in the political arena where maybe you can make a difference, because it’s not going to change anything here.” He then said, “Come on… I really don’t want to have to do this to you… don’t you want to just get up and walk out of here?” We said, “No, Den. This is an acute issue, and we are not leaving until there is some action taken by Dr. Dobson.” Den then said, “You know I’m going to have to turn you over to the Police.” We said, “Yes, we know and we love you anyway.” The Police Officer then stepped up to us and gave one more chance to leave without arrest. We peacefully refused. He then said, “You are both under arrest…” They then asked us to come with them, as they escorted us out the front doors of Focus on the Family, asked us to put our hands on the police car and get a pat down to check for weapons, then put us inside the back seat of the car. By the way, if you haven’t been in the back seat of a police car, the seat is really HARD, so you want to ease yourself down so as not to bruise your tailbone!

As we were transported away from Focus, Kate and Chris were at the entrance taking video and photographs. We waved at them from the police car, and gave them the peace & victory sign, and the love sign.

After our arrest, we were taken to the Falcon Division of the Colorado Springs Police Department. There, we were put into a room with another police officer (to watch us) and then another officer came in to start processing us. We had to wait awhile for the Focus on the Family police report to come back to the station before they could finish our process and release us. During our “stay” at the Police Department, we had enjoyable conversations with several of the Police Officers. They were all very kind, gentle, and congenial. Interestingly enough, we were not handcuffed, nor were we locked up into a jail cell. When we asked why, they replied that they felt certain that we were not a threat and we were not dangerous, and they saw no need for those measures.

We were released with a citation for “trespassing on private property and refusing to leave the premises even after repeated requests.” We do not yet know how much our fine will be, as we have been summoned to return to Colorado Springs on March 14th to appear before the judge to plead our case. At that time, we will receive our “punishment,” which we hope will just be a fine. Thanks to all who have contributed thus far.

The day after our civil disobedience, we took roses and cards to Diane #1, Diane #2, Den Patterson (head of Security), Dr. Dobson and the Falcon Division of the Colorado Police Department. It was our way of saying, “The Light in us honors the Light in you.” When we gave the roses to the Police officers, they said, “We really do appreciate your cooperation and the manner in which you conducted yourselves yesterday. It makes our job so much easier.” We told them “they were the nicest police officers to ever arrest us.”

Check out the video and the media links.

Again… Thanks to ALL OF YOU who have stepped up to help us, support us, and encourage us!

We love you!

Roby & Dotti (and Rylee Joy even though she was able to go with us).

Simple Pleasures!

2007-01-24T10:03:00.000-08:00

Rylee was so tired last night at bedtime, (ours, not hers) that she didn't want to get up out of her crate to go potty. Now, if Rylee doesn't go potty after say 7pm, I can almost be certain she'll come to my side of the bed in the wee hours of the morning, asking to go out. She did just that this morning at 5:00.

I usually don't like getting up at 5 a.m. unless there's are really good reason to... such as going to the airport for an early morning flight to Kauai, or to learn that I've won the lottery. Since that doesn't happen very often, I take the little pleasures... like a strong cup-a-Joe. Anyway... this morning at 5 a.m., the coffee wasn't yet ready, nor did I have a flight to catch, but that's ok, because I did enjoy a simple pleasure. What? I saw the stars! What's so significant about seeing the stars? Well, it means there's a clear sky, which means when the sun comes up, there will be blue sky and some SUNSHINE, and believe me, we NEED some SUNSHINE!

Last night, while out on a walk, Dotti said, "Honey, this is the last year I'm going to be here during the winter. Next year, we're going to be in the SUN!" Hey, that works for me! :) It just so happens that this winter has been the worst in terms of weather, in the past five years, and we are SO ready for Spring!

So as I sit here watching Rosie O'Donnell on The View (our daily 10 a.m. coffee break or exercise ritual), I glance out the window, and what do I see? BLUE SKY and SUNSHINE! Not only that, but it's supposed to be 50 degrees today. Heck, I might even be able to go out for a walk without my neck gator and gloves today!

Spring is in the air... and Life is Good! Enjoy the SIMPLE PLEASURES of life!

Separation of church and state...Why are religious institutions inconsistent in its application?

2007-01-13T09:18:00.000-08:00

Finally! Opposing sides agree on SOMETHING!

New Jersey Attorney General, Stuart Rabner, recently ruled that clery cannot be forced to sanctify same-sex civil unions. It makes sense to us that the separation of church and state would confirm this situation.

At least Rabner is consistent is his application. The attorney general issued another opinion last month saying mayors and other non-clergy who regularly perform marriages cannot turn down gay couples who ask to have civil unions performed.

Those officials, he said, will have to perform the unions in New Jersey or stop doing all weddings. To perform any marriage requested but then turn down civil unions would be a violation of the anti-discrimination law, he said.

So, what's our beef? Our beef is that the Catholic church (and many other religious institutions) don't seem to be able to grasp this consistency.

For example, consider Andrew Walton's comments (he's a spokesman for the Archdiocese of Camden). He told the Philadelphia Inquirer that the opinion "affirms the obvious."

Requiring priests to perform civil unions, he said to the Inquirer, "would violate, in a fundamental way, the First Amendment of the Constitution, which exists to protect religious organizations from the state on these kinds of matters. The state cannot dictate the religious, liturgical or sacramental practices of any religious organization."

Duh, now!! So why don't they understand this in reverse? If they did, they would not oppose giving same gender couples the "civil right of marriage," understanding that it does not threaten them in any way, and does not inhibit or impact their practice of their religious faith.

Leaders of Garden State Equality told the Inquirer that Rabner's ruling was "of no surprise to us, nor of any upset." Note that they say "nor of any upset." Why? Because they understand what most in our community understand and support. The separation of church and state protects religious institutions. Now, that doesn't mean the members within the church bodies won't have to "duke it out." After all, what's a church if there isn't a lot of fighting about whether or not to support equality? It is a historical battle! (: Seriously, members within the church would have to confront those decisions, the very issue that many are already dealing with today.

"We've always said that clergy don't have to perform ceremonies against their conscience," said Steven Goldstein, the group's chairman, to the Inquirer.

Let's rejoice that the opposing sides are finally on the same page about SOMETHING!

Leave it to the wonderful consitutionality of the separation of church and state to provide the bridge for bringing sides together to agree! Hmmmmm...we may be on to a great idea whose time has come! I wonder if it would work with Iraq?

I simply don't get it when the religious institutions don't understand this law in reverse. Hello Catholic church and other religious institutions fighting against the "civil right of marriage." Garden State Equality understands the consistent application of the separation of church and state. Proof?

The gay-marriage bill Garden State Equality is pushing (utilizing the term "marriage" to create equality vs "civil union") would not require religious leaders to officiate at ceremonies.

It's mayors and other public officials, Goldstein told the Inquirer, "who cannot have a double standard."

May our community continue to be consistent in understanding and application of the separation of church and state. And...may our community continue to be a beacon of light and a bridge for helping others understand.

We believe that is our role in today's society.

Well...that's my opinion, and everybody's got one! Let me know yours! Dotti Berry

2007-01-12T02:37:00.000-08:00