Adult Acne

My God...

2009-09-02T13:35:00.005-05:00

Read the stories and join the Virtual Candlelight Vigil. This is serious. These are real people and they are suffering, uninsured or barely insured, and they are afraid for their lives or the lives of their loved ones.

I pity the cold-hearted and the willfully ignorant on this issue.

Acquainted with Presumably a Darwin Award Contestant

2009-09-01T19:30:00.004-05:00

I learned this afternoon that a colleague at work decided THIS was a good idea - being photographed with her wedding dress set aflame.

Now hospitalized with burns over 12% of her body, I'm hoping the following was NOT her inspiration:

Bride On Fire
Prophetic Word From Lana Vawser (Perry)

I saw my wedding dress hanging up today, and when I saw the dress a vision began. All of a sudden I saw the most brightest, hottest and purest fire I have ever seen fall from heaven and engulf this wedding dress. The wedding dress didn't burn and singe, ruin like it would if you literally set a garment on fire. The more the wedding dress 'soaked' up the fire and allowed this fire to engulf it's every part, the more the dress shone so brightly, so white and sparkled in a way that I have never seen. As I saw a quick glimpse of this vision, I felt an leap in my spirit that what I was seeing was indeed for the body of Christ today.

Oh, there's more if you can stand reading it without rolling your eyes or vomiting or both. (Gave me a headache.)

So my first question was, "Does she have any children?" And my second question was, "Is she trying to win a Darwin Award?"

Did she have any qualms about this when she put her dress on? When she soaked it with accelerant? When someone lit the match? When the flame was touched to the fabric?

We gossiped about this briefly at work. Our little gaggle was in awe of the breathtaking stupidity of an otherwise smart woman. The most preposterous yet befitting comment (under the circumstances) was "Thank God she wore her hair up."

Well, if she is a bat-crap crazy Jesus freak, then she would probably reject the Darwin Award, because Darwinism is of the devil.

Personally, I think stupidity is of the devil. Perhaps while she's getting skin grafts, she might make some strides in the IQ department.

I've never found myself laughing at a burn victim, until now. I mean, how can you not?!

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008)

2009-08-30T19:51:00.001-05:00

How cool is this?

Yeah, I'm still around

2009-05-07T19:12:00.005-05:00

And I admit to being lazy.

Stuff that's happened:

Gorgeous, fun, lovable, huggable, squeezable niece turned three and even more gorgeous, fun, lovable, huggable and squeezable.
Passed the Series 66. (Oh. My. God.)
Decided on paint colors for my living room, dining room and kitchen. (Corn Husk and Cloudy Day.)
Completed a full year at my new job. I guess I can't call it a new job anymore.
Paid off big TV.
My new president totally and completely ROCKS!
My sister slowed down the frequency with which she calls me. (Yay!)
Stopped eating sugar back in January.
Stopped eating bread and obvious wheat two weeks ago.
Had a uterine biopsy. It was negative. (Yay!)
House devalued by more than 10%.
Became president of my homeowners association.
My best friend's baby boy turns eighteen at the end of May. Eighteen. Jesus, that went fast. Better not be that damned fast with my gorgeous, fun, lovable, huggable, squeezable niece.

That's about it for now.

2008 Meme

2009-01-01T10:59:00.003-06:00

Well, Ellen did this one, so I feel obliged to do so, as well.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Canvassed a neighborhood and called total strangers in support of a presidential candidate.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Made no resolutions in 2008, but for 2009, I resolve to get back to a weight loss program that includes walking.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My sweet dog, Ricky.

5. What countries did you visit? None this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Less debt.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March 24th (my new job’s start date), November 4th (election day), November 5th (the day I put my dog down), and November 13th (the day I passed my Series 7).

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Passing the Series 7.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not staying with Atkins after losing 15 lbs.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Plantar fasciitis in both heels, GERD, gigantic ragweed hive from an allergy test.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Flat-screen televisions.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My brother and sister-in-law, because, after one very bad evening which led to an arrest, they actually went to counseling and have been working on their marriage.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The above-mentioned bad episode.

14. Where did most of your money go? Paying off debt and creating more debt.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The Barack Obama rally in St. Louis, my new job and the election results.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? American Prayer

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? About the same, emotions-wise. Fatter. Poorer, and yet, richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Walking.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Spending money.

20. How did you spend Christmas? At a good friend’s house, eating, playing games and laughing.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008? No.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Countdown with Keith Olbermann and Supernatural.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? The Wasilla Hillbilly, Sarah Palin, and any sap who thinks this complete imbecile is worthy of high political office.

24. What was the best book you read? When I had time to read, it was Why the Jews Rejected Jesus by David Klinghoffer. It’s a provocative look at the roots of Christianity (and Islam), and the idea that Christianity and Islam might never have come about had the Jews accepted Jesus. Pretentious in its prose, but interesting to contemplate and definitely makes an open-minded reader think.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? That Ellen enjoys shaming you for not listening to lyrics.

26. What did you want and get? Large flat-screen television.

27. What did you want and not get? Nikon 35mm SLR digital camera.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? “Michael Clayton” was quite good.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I didn’t do anything on that day, and I turned 49. It’s really weird that I am older than my dad ever got to be.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Waiting until November to roll my 401(k) into a mutual fund.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Trying not to outgrow my wardrobe.

32. What kept you sane? My beautiful little niece and my friends.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Barack Obama, but “fancy” only in the sense of admiration.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? The election.

35. Who did you miss? Tim Russert, but mostly, my dog Ricky.

36. Who was the best new person you met? My new co-workers.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one." ~ John Lennon

No dog poetry please...

2008-11-05T23:34:00.004-06:00

My boy Ricky, the best dog that ever was or ever will be. I always said he'd break my heart one day, and today it is indeed shattered. Rest in peace, sweet boy. I will love you always.

Barack on TDS Last Night

2008-10-30T09:55:00.002-05:00

Bill Maher was lamenting last Friday night in his New Rules segment that it might be a challenge to lampoon President Obama (God willing) because of his race. Somehow I think as long as there are comedians like Jon Stewart, we'll manage to needle him well enough.

The Wasssuuuuuuuuuuup Guys are Back!

2008-10-24T22:15:00.001-05:00

And what a great video!

And yet even more...

2008-10-23T22:55:00.000-05:00

Even better...

2008-10-23T19:00:00.002-05:00

Love this one...

2008-10-23T17:55:00.001-05:00

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

I Enjoy Being a Jew...

2008-10-21T22:47:00.001-05:00

My people are so funny, even when we're being serious.

Is it any wonder God chose us?

I Made History Today

2008-10-18T18:08:00.004-05:00

1 of 100,000, a new American record. A very friendly, fun, joyful, exhilarated and hopeful crowd.

We are apparently so awesome, we drew the admiration of the United Kingdom's Daily Mail!

I said it before and I'll say it again...

2008-10-15T17:59:00.003-05:00

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have the best satirical minds today. Jon's writing staff is by far the best in the business.

The buzz about "the Internets" was that John McCain had a fiery new speech, with which he would speechify and dazzle the crap out of us with his speechification. But was it really new?

Take a look:

Where's the "new" part John?

John Cleese on the "Funniest" Palin

2008-10-15T06:23:00.001-05:00

For the intellectually curious...

2008-10-10T17:15:00.002-05:00

...who for whatever reason are listening to McCain's retarded "Who is Obama?" question after this nation has been vetting Obama for more than 20 fucking months:

McTwistedSickFuck

2008-10-09T18:41:00.003-05:00

My neighbor and I were discussing not a couple of hours ago, the notion of John McCain having deep psychological problems. The man has admitted in one of his books that he has a temper. He copped to the fact that when he was a child, he used to have tantrums, holding his breath until he fainted. His classmates at the Naval Academy called him McNasty.

Okay, so he was a prick before his imprisonment in Vietnam. But a prick with psychological trauma in charge of the nuclear codes?

This is from Brave New Films, and Glenn Greenwald is a genius.

You can't fix stupid

2008-10-08T23:14:00.006-05:00

I cannot, for the life of me, fathom how anyone can be undecided at this point in this election cycle. There's only one answer I can think of, and it's mind-boggling to consider in the 21st century.

Jon Stewart and John Oliver are their typical brilliant, insightful selves in this:

I'm not ready to be comfortable to call this race for Obama yet. In spite of his fantastic polling numbers, McSame's awkward and angry debate performances, and the breathtakingly strange selection of Sarah Palin as running mate, I think this will go all the way down to the wire.

I agree with Bill Maher: Never underestimate the stupidity of the American people.

"Maverick" starring John McCain

2008-10-05T23:25:00.005-05:00

Since the McInsane campaign has made known that its tactics in the last 30 days until the election will consist of smears, lies, innuendo and character assassination about Obama, there is a timely 13-minute video highlighting McCain's connection to the Keating Five scandal that will be released Monday October 6, 2008 at 12pm EST on the website keatingeconomics.com.

Here's a taste:

If this doesn't scare you about Grampy McSame, maybe this comprehensive article from Rolling Stone will.

That is one scary mother fucker.

Happy New Year!

2008-09-29T22:23:00.003-05:00

Okay, Sarah Silverman, and her Great Schlep, has just gone up a couple of notches in my estimation.

And this is my prayer for the new year, both Jewish and Gentile...

I heart Jack Cafferty

2008-09-26T23:40:00.002-05:00

The man is correct. Anyone who votes for McCain with this in-waaaaayyy-over-her-head wingnut saddled to his campaign really needs medication and a good therapist.

If, God forbid, McCain gets elected, he better get a food-taster.

Sarah Palin and her Witch-hunting Pastor

2008-09-25T22:52:00.003-05:00

Ah... Just what I love to see - more complete ignorance from the religiously-retarded.

Sarah Palin's pastor, Thomas Muthee, the guy who managed to chase a woman from a Kenyan village claiming she was a witch, laid hands on Sarah Palin a while back and prayed for Jesus to "make a way" for Sarah.

In addition to praying that Jesus remove all witchcraft from her path, he had this little tidbit to say in that same lovely sermon:

The second area whereby God wants us, wants to penetrate in our society is in the economic area. The Bible says that the wealth of the wicked is stored up for the righteous. It's high time that we have top Christian businessmen, businesswomen, bankers, you know, who are men and women of integrity running the economics of our nations. That's what we are waiting for. That's part and parcel of transformation. If you look at the -- you know -- if you look at the Israelites, that's how they work. And that's how they are, even today.

Yes, Israelites.

Lieberman loves it, but will it play in south Florida?

P.S. Israelis and Israelites are two different things.

An Educational Comparison of the Candidates

2008-09-23T22:57:00.005-05:00

After all that has gone on over the last eight years, I still am staggered by the blind insistence that some feel they cannot vote for anyone other than a Republican. No matter how rash that Replican is. No matter how alarmingy dotty he is. No matter how monumentally unqualified his running mate is.

But forget that the man has survived (so far) four - FOUR - different kinds of skin cancer, some forms are quite serious and tend to recur in time. Forget the increased likelihood that (God forbid) in the event McCain becomes ill and dies in office if elected, we will be saddled with someone who is entirely incapable of running a country. But forget all that, let's look at their education, shall we?

Obama:
Occidental College - Two years.
Columbia University - B.A. political science with a specialization in international relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude

Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in history and B.A. in political science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)

vs.

McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank 894 out of 899 (Like George Bush, McCain was at the bottom of his class)
Crashed five aircraft as a Navy pilot

Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University- 1 semester
North Idaho College- 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in journalism

I don't want a president I can sit down and have a beer with; I want him or her to be waaaaaaaayyyyy smarter than I am.

Who's on welfare now?

2008-09-22T17:08:00.003-05:00

The party of "small" government, my left tit. Funny how it's okay to ensure that big corporations and their officers don't have to be held responsible for their debts, but the little guy has to suck it up.

Anyone who bitches about "welfare mothers" can expect an earful from me.

And this is why...

2008-09-14T13:43:00.003-05:00

...I fear Sarah Palin may be president in a year or two should McCain win the election (God forbid).

I've been holding out hope that McCain as president (God forbid) would revert back to the real maverick he was in 2000. But his medical history is a serious concern.

I don't wish anything bad on McCain, but there are certain realities about skin cancer, as well as the other conditions he's being treated for apart from his advanced age, that I think many Americans have to pull their heads out of their asses and take a serious look at. Caribou Barbie wants to be president and this might just get her there:

Joe Liebermann may be optimistic, but his M.D. credentials, as well as his grasp on reality, are seriously lacking.