Life as an intern

New Cynical Cinema reviews today

2009-06-29T18:13:00.003-04:00

Stone of Destiny - Some Scottish kids steal a stone from Westminster Abbey in 1950. Kate Mara is all hot and stuff, but I'm bored to death.

Columbus Day - Val Kilmer phones in his role as a thief who has pulled off a big score. And I actually mean phones it in. He spends almost the entire movie on the phone. And I'm bored to death. It happens on Columbus Day. Which is some American thing.

Home - A really interesting, really strange French film about a family who live an idyllic life until the freeway gets built next to their house. Then they slowly start going insane, one by one. Absurd, but if you speak French it's worth taking a chance on this one. Some good nudity too, from Adelaide Leroux.

La Jeune Fille Et Les Loups - Again, a French-only movie. Again with some good nudity, this time courtesy Laetitia Casta. However, the movie sucks. And there is not enough boob to make it even close to worthwhile.

Galapagos: Les Iles Qui Ont Change Le Monde - Again, French-only. How tough would it have been to add an English narration track on this nature documentary? Really. The filming is spectacular though, in any language.

The best reason to hate the 24-hour news cycle - Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T02:17:00.002-04:00

Yesterday my girlfriend ran downstairs to tell me that Michael Jackson was dead. Well, not really dead, or not yet, but maybe, and probably, and he wasn't breathing, or at least she thinks, and possibly in the hospital or perhaps not and he may or may not be in cardiac arrest. She wanted me to come upstairs and help her watch television, since I know what channels are all-news. A "Breaking News Announcement" had interrupted whatever Oprah-related show she was watching, then disappeared. So I started flipping between CNN, MSNBC and FOX "News". At the time, there wasn't much happening except for the news ticker at the bottom of the screen. Wolf Blitzer was wheezing his way through a piece about Iran, Chris Matthews was taking a deeper look at the philandering Governor Sanford, and Glenn Beck was having a "who's-crazier contest" with the (possibly) equally insane, (and definitely more stupid) Michelle Bachmann.

As the Michael Jackson story took off, Blitzer was the first to switch to constant coverage. Still breathless and wheezing, he turned the screen over to a few people who may or may not have had any information about the incident. All they really knew was that he had been taken to a hospital, and that there was a chance he wasn't breathing. However, they had to fill the next half hour. So I got to see an animated explanation of cardiac arrest. There was this big artery on the screen, you see...and Blitzer was going through the various things that could have caused Michael Jackson's cardiac arrest, if he had indeed suffered a cardiac arrest, but of course we still don't know for sure...

Then I started seeing people comparing Michael Jackson to Farrah Fawcett, who had also died earlier in the day, and how "we Hollywood watchers" were expecting the death of Fawcett, but not the illness of Jackson, and he was thinking about a comeback so we all thought he was OK...blah blah blah...you can find pundits for everything. I do feel bad for Farrah Fawcett though - this was a pretty big upstaging here. But seriously. How many times can people tell me that Michael Jackson's Thriller was a popular album? Or that he was once acquitted of child molestation? Or that he was famous for his white glove? I know this. I don't need it forty times while the networks wait for an actual story to develop. Go on with your scheduled programming until you have an actual story.

I ended up going to bed long before he actually died. Or, at least, long before his death was actually reported. And the long, boring coverage had apparently been going all that time. Now I see, this morning, (on wikipedia!) that his cause of death was "cardiac arrest". Seriously. Thanks, wikipedia, but "cardiac arrest" cannot possibly be the cause of death. Something else has to cause the "cardiac arrest". How do I know this? From Wolf Blitzer's helpful little animation! Cardiac arrest is merely the stopping of the heart, which happens during death anyway, but could be caused by a myriad of factors - heart attack, bear attack, snack attack, stroke, lung failure, skin failure, shock, rattlesnake bite, eating rat poison, or a few other things. Thanks Wolf Blitzer! The only thing I hate more than your 24-hour news cycle is wikipedia.

My backyard is so full of life.

2009-06-25T16:37:00.002-04:00

There is a lot of wildlife in my backyard. I think the lady who in my house before used to be all about feeding the birds. I think this because when I moved in the trees where jammed full of bird feeders and there were birdbaths in the corners. I'm quite the sleuth, aren't I? Now, the birds keep coming because the bugs are everywhere, and I don't have to remember bird feeders, so everyone wins. (The bird feeders appeared to actually be squirrel feeders anyway - maybe she was all about feeding the squirrels, and I'm not a brilliant deducer after all). So I've got bugs (which my dog eats), birds (which my dog chases), chipmunks (she stalks those), rabbits (she scares them) and squirrels (they scare her).

But now, I have two favourite animals in my backyard. One is a crow that often sits on top of my shed. This bird, although it's a crow, and they're pretty darn ugly and unpleasant and they sometimes chase the cute little chipmunks which distresses my girlfriend, is awesome. It's awesome because it has become the nemesis of my dog. And Muffin desperately needed a nemesis. She has several protectors, several subservient rabbits and chipmunks, and a couple of rabbits who occasionally join her on play dates. But my dog is an angry, barky little jerk, and she needs a nemesis, a wisecracking alter-ego, a Joker to her Batman. And this crow fits the bill (no pun intended!) and then some. It sits on top of the shed, and it barks at her. In fact, it sounds almost exactly like my dog. And Muffin barks back. And the crow looks down, (way down - she's about seven inches high) and cocks it's head, laughs at her a bit, then barks some more. And it's hilarious.

Come to think of it, my little dog, if she were a huge dog, would be a savage maniac. Perhaps she's the villain here - like, she's Moriarty and the crow is Sherlock Holmes. Wow, that was a weak analogy. The other animal I love in my backyard scares the hell out of the dog. It's a bumblebee, which is pretty normal, but it's the size of my fist. My girlfriend recently commented that she could see this bee all the way across the yard. I thought that was an understatement. I could see this bee from space. It's monstrous. It was in the basement, flying around, when we met the first time, and with some help from the kids, I managed to trap it in a Maytag box and release it outside. Now, it hangs around and I see him every day. And for such a large bee, it's pretty sneaky. I would think you could hear it flying, like a Spitfire buzzing the tower, but no. It's stealthy. Which means it sometimes flies right past my head, and I think someone's throwing a baseball at me. And the dog takes off across the lawn as though Freddy Krueger just showed up in the backyard. (Freddy Krueger, I assume, started with dogs like all serial killers. I also assume that Muffin knows this.) And the crow laughs at her some more.

This is great too.

2009-06-25T05:16:00.002-04:00

Thought I'd throw this video up too - hilarious. some of the most memorable sports press conference moments, mixed down into a song. Fantastic!

Playoffs? Practice?

Unbelievable.

2009-06-25T03:56:00.003-04:00

I have a Guitar Hero video game at home because the kids like to play it. I like it too, if only because there are some good tunes. And it's fun to play with the kids. Even if they keep skipping over "Holiday In Cambodia". I don't have this Rock Band thing though, because I figured having one of the two was good enough. I'm starting to think otherwise, though. I think I may have to pick up Rock Band, at least when the Beatles version comes out. It would be worth it just for this:

http://www.thebeatlesrockband.com/cinematic.php

That's what they call the "opening cinematic", I guess the screen that loads up when the game begins. It's directed by the guy who did all the animation for the Gorillaz - remember the "Clint Eastwood" video? Probably not...I'll throw that in here:

All of this is pretty cool. Looking forward to The Beatles: Rock Band in a big way - you catch the yellow submarine in there? Or the "Blue Jay Way" poster? Very cool.

Here's a thought...

2009-06-24T06:31:00.002-04:00

I was reading this morning that Ryne Sandberg, one of my baseball heroes growing up, has suggested that Sammy Sosa does not belong in the Hall of Fame. Not that there's anything particularly newsworthy about that statement in and of itself (Sandberg points out that the word "integrity" is right on the Hall of Fame's logo and seal, and that's about the only thing that stood out about his comments). But I read the story, and I thought, of course Sosa doesn't belong in the Hall. Of course McGwire and Bonds and Palmeiro and Clemens and Rodriguez and Ramirez and every other superstar in baseball over the past ten years do not belong in the Hall of Fame.

But then again, it's going to become a big issue, and soon. With McGwire up for election, and the others to soon follow, there will be a massive number of tainted superstars vying for a spot in Cooperstown. However, I'm not even thinking about the superstars now. I don't think any of them will get in, and so it should be. But now I'm thinking about those who ought to be in there, but won't be. Greg Maddux and Randy Johnson and Tom Glavine are shoo-ins, and I don't think there's anyone suggesting they used steroids. But what about the guys who were just pretty good during the steroid era? Pitchers who were just good pitchers? Hitters who were pretty good hitters? They had to play against steroid-fueled monsters - if you had to bat against Clemens in the last few years of his career, you were playing against steroids. If you were pitching to Barry Bonds, you were pitching to steroids. That's going to affect your numbers, in a big way.

So there's no way to know who the true greats were in the era. What if Mike Mussina or David Cone were the very best pitchers not on steroids? What if Larry Walker and Nomar Garciaparra were the two best pure hitters who did not take the juice? The chances of those guys making the Hall of Fame is slim, because they played in an era where there numbers didn't stand out against the eye-popping figures put up by Clemens, Bonds, McGwire, A-Rod, and the rest. Not that I'm saying those guys are clean. Because who knows, really? But what's going to happen here is that not only are the biggest names in the game not going to make it to Cooperstown, the guys who should have been the biggest names in the game, who would have made the Hall of Fame in another era, will be forgotten. Maybe that's the saddest legacy of all in the steroid era.

Maybe twitter is useful, after all.

2009-06-24T04:49:00.004-04:00

Or at least entertaining. I use my twitter to let people know when there are new Cynical Cinema reviews, or new Breaking Rock News stories, or new blog posts - check Twitter! I will have posted a link to the very post you are reading right now! Most of the time, it lets us know who has a rash, or who is tired, or who has discovered the joys of Skippy peanut butter on Royal Gala apples. In short, it's boring. But sometimes, it is totally worthwhile. Like, in Iran right now - not only are young Iranians taking to twitter to add emphasis to their protest over the rigged elections, but yesterday there was an Iranian blogger who sent a question, through twitter, to a reporter who was at Barack Obama's press conference, and Obama then answered that man's question from thousands of miles away. That's pretty cool.

Then, there is Perez Hilton. Who is a sizeable douchebag who runs a celebrity gossip site where he takes existing stories and then draws cocaine on pictures of Lindsay Lohan, or pictures of junk going in her mouth, all using a John Madden-style telestrater on his incredibly juvenile and yet somehow popular website. And then he says the meanest things he can think of on that website. And then over the weekend he got punched for it, by the entourage of the Black Eyed Peas. And the world thought "oh. Good." And then he posted this incredibly hilarious, tearful video complaint about the incident. Oh - and back to the twitter - while he was being, apparently, savagely beaten by this thug, the police told him that they had real emergencies to deal with, and that they might get there eventually. So he took to twitter. And the police department was flooded with phone calls from as far away as Singapore as people leapt to this idiot's defense. More on twitter in a second - first, you have to see the video.

OK. Now that you've watched that, and laughed, here is the benefit of Twitter. I am no fan of John Mayer's music, but he's worth following on Twitter, because he's dang funny. And he too has no time for Perez Hilton. (Full disclosure - I lifted this twitter exchange off the Rolling Stone website, they have the full story posted here.) It's pretty funny when it's just Mayer and Hilton exchanging barbs, but when Kirstie Alley for some reason gets involved, it's priceless. A sample :

Mayer: I love that @perezhilton uses his cellphone to log on to twitter to post a tweet to ask his followers to call the police for him.

Mayer: Last year P!nk kneed me in the nuts outside Chateau Marmont. I was pissing blood for days. Did I make a scene?

Mayer: @perezhilton’s video statement is so long that by the end of it his cut healed.

Perez: @johncmayer That’s real funny! Ha ha! And I’m sure you also think I “deserved” to get hit!

Mayer: @PerezHilton Not true. In fact I’d like to train you in Krav Maga. Then you’ll have the situational awareness not to get in someone’s face.

Mayer: @perezhilton I also want to train you in an old martial art called “Never Call A Black Dude a F****t Jitsu.”

Mayer: @PerezHilton agreed. So let’s meet up this week and I’ll give you your first krav maga instruction. We’ll break the event down and learn…

Perez: @johncmayer Ok.

Mayer: @perezhilton people don’t want to see you hurt, they want to see you experience something equalizing.

Mayer: @PerezHilton by understanding the genetics of a violent incident you can learn to avoid them. And if you can’t, you will learn to end them.

Mayer: @PerezHilton this will be the last public mention of it. You know how to find me. Words have cause and effect, even if the effect is wrong.

Perez: @johncmayer Dude, I get it. I GET IT. But it’s not f*****g funny to me. Karma would be me losing my site and going bankrupt or what have u.

Mayer: @PerezHilton Yah, you’re not getting it… OOH! OK. It’s like the Matrix. You live in the Perez Matrix. You wrote the program, you can fly.

Perez: @johncmayer Karma is NOT getting punched in the face!

Mayer: @perezhilton from the heart, what you experienced these last 24 hrs is a profound lack of control. You can’t blog the world, my friend.

Mayer: @PerezHilton then you leave the Matrix, and oh, what the hell, you’re not gonna get it. You’re a sweet guy though.

Perez: @johncmayer I can never tell if ur being sincere or not. It doesnt matter. Have Harley email me contact info for this so I can do on my own.

Kirstie Alley: @iamtherealwill [Will.i.am’s Twitter] WHAT EVER HAPPENED..YOU ARE MY HERO.. LOVE LOVE LOVE TO YOU…AND MORE LOVE…LOVE, KIRSTIE

Kirstie Alley: Perez…in the future…must only duke it out with lentils…leave the black eyed peas to the big boys

Perez: @kirstiealley I’m 31 years old. You’re 58. But it seems like you have the mental maturity of a 13 year old. Way to go!

Perez: @johncmayer I cant DM u and Im not trying to play this out publicly. B well. I dont wish u harm. I talk sh** but I sincerely wish no 1 harm.

Perez: @johncmayer And people DO want to see me hurt. That’s what I’ve been reading over and over again. But it’s cool. I’ll be back 2 normal tomm.

Mayer: @PerezHilton you might have a gash on your face for a few more days, but the real healing? It’s happening right now.

Perez: @johncmayer Once again, we agree! I live in my own world. And in my world, I would never punch someone. And in my world, that’s illegal!

Mayer: @perezhilton now you sit down behind that Tandy computer and you hash out a Doogie diary. Be sure to pause, think, and keep typing.

Mayer: @perezhilton because today, the fourth wall came crashing down. Mario, you are human. I call upon Twitter to be kind to you. #perezisokbyme

Perez: @johncmayer I’m not human! I’m a monster! Good night, John Mayer.

Mayer: @PerezHilton Good night Perez, you dumb sh**. #perezisokbyme

Kirstie Alley: JOHN MAYER…you are in the wrong biness…you funny, singer boy…you real damn funny…

Kirstie Alley: @johncmayer I have comedy CRUSH on you…you are one funny singing sensation…I heart your timing…love, K

Cyincal cinema - movies coming out tomorrow

2009-06-22T07:19:00.002-04:00

Crossing Over - It wants to be Crash, but instead it's crap. And Ray Liotta is botoxed up a lot.

Inkheart - A seriously flawed movie starring Brendan Fraser that has terrific moments.

Inside the Koran - One of the most thorough religious documentaries I have seen.

The Bible Unearthed - How much is based on fact, how much is invented? Fascinating.

Frost/Nixon - An amazing movie, some terrific performances, real tension.

The International - Decent action-intrigue flick about murderous international banks. And Naomi Watts.

This is pretty cool.

2009-06-18T06:32:00.002-04:00

OK, to that one guy who keeps emailing and commenting about Gov't Mule - it does, indeed, look as though they are not coming. Too bad, because they're great - and they were on the official press release that was sent out by Bluesfest before the acts were all officially announced. But they are no longer on the website. So you can give up on seeing them. But you can now see a ton of acts not previously announced, most of which are awesome. Not only some small, after-hours club shows and jams and the like, but seventy totally free concerts right in the middle of the market. I'm excited about George Clinton, having seen him at Bluesfest a few years back. My review of that show can be read here.

But mostly, I'm excited about the addition of Lee "Scratch" Perry, the legendary reggae star from Jamaica. No idea yet on the dates of the performances, but I plan to come back from my honeymoon for this one. Time permitting. And wife permitting. Of course. Lee Perry is one of the most influential and important reggae artists of all time, basically creating the reggae sound we know today. Primarily a producer, he worked with absolutely everyone in reggae music over the course of his career. Read more about him here, and go see him.

Busy week, busy weekend...

2009-06-18T02:45:00.002-04:00

It has been a busy week. Studying for math (he did well on the exam - success!) Monday and Tuesday, yardwork and haircuts and so forth. Haircuts because I have Woody's wedding coming up on Saturday, and we all just discovered that we have to wear suits, which means that I will have to reach deep into the chair in my bedroom to extract my suit from between the cushions and then hang it on the back of the door until Saturday to get the wrinkles out. Yesterday was the annual general meeting for Operation Go Home, which was held in a giant church and just went over the successes of the past year and so forth.

Congratulations, however, to Pierre Belanger who won the Street Guardian of the Year Award. Pierre is the chariman of the board, and was re-elected to that postition shortly after the AGM thanks to his tireless efforts and hard work on behalf of the organization. Pierre is close to becoming a man of God - he is going to be a deacon - and he knows not to make me upset because I have some pictures that might make the church folk think twice...you do one Rocky Horror event and it haunts you forever...

Today, we are launching the new look and vision of Operation Go Home - it will have a new name and a new logo and a new campaign - all of this will be revealed at the breakfast at the Courtyard restaurant this morning. that will be going from 7:30 - 9:00, and I will be there during the show today. Then it's off to Loch March golf course for the Soloway Jewish Community Centre golf tournament - last year they raised a huge amount of money, and it was a great event. Looking forward to this one too.

Tomorrow, it's Rock Band at Bayshore, with all those great prizes and some solid video game action, which will be fun, and then Saturday I have that Woody guy's wedding. My girlfriend is already laying out my clothes for that one. Mrs. Woody was right - it IS the women who get worried about that sort of thing. Maybe I'll wear my suit golfing today, just to shake those wrinkles out.

I don't think I like this

2009-06-17T03:17:00.002-04:00

I have been helping my step-son with his Grade Nine math through most of the year. He struggled early on, but as we identified the problem and sat down with him for an hour or two each night he made a marked improvement (100% on his "angles" test!). His big final exam for the class is tomorrow, and I spent a couple of hours yesterday doing some studying. Algebra and geometry and so forth. I bought an easel and a white board for the purposes of studying and teaching and such and such, because I'm a nerd and I like the white board.

What's good is that I still know this math, and I'm still able to do it, no problem. But you know how they say those that can't do, teach? I'm pretty sure the second part of that saying is "those that can do, should probably not teach". Because although I have been helping him for pretty much the entire year, it was only today, just in time for the final exam, that I realized what the problem was. In Grade Eight, he was very good at math. Got great marks, did really well, really understood it. Now, not so much. And it finally occurred to me that the reason is that he no longer remembers that math from the eighth grade! Multiplying and dividing fractions, and that sort of thing - all the stuff you need to build on for Grade Nine.

And I think this is because he is in a semestered school. When I went to high school, I had eight classes, and they all lasted all year. In a semestered system, you get four courses at a time, spend twice as long in each class, have more homework in each one, and try to cram all that learning into half the time. I would get distracted with a period that was twice as long as the ones I had in high school too. It feels like overkill. But more importantly, with the semestered system, the fact that he had math in the second semester meant that he spent almost a full year not thinking about math at all. So now he has forgotten the basic building blocks for the math he is supposed to learn.

His class started on Chapter 2 of their textbook, because Chapter 1 was just a grade 8 review. Well, that was kind of essential. His friends seem to be having the same problems he is - I have seen them struggle with the same stuff. I'm just kicking myself for not realizing until the last second. We did the most important calculation of all though - what mark does he have to get on the final exam in order to pass math for the year. It turns out he can pass the year even with a zero on the final exam. So I told him to bring a book to the exam room. And some candy. And maybe an iPod. Don't even bother writing stuff. And next year I'll be sure to do some rehashing of the basics the week before math starts. I assume the school won't be doing that.

Today's Cynical Cinema reviews

2009-06-16T02:23:00.003-04:00

That new Friday The 13th movie hits DVD today. Which means there were an awful lot of reissues of old Friday movies this week. Which meant I spent the entire week watching some painfully bad movies.

45 R.P.M. - Canadiam movie about music, the cold war, and coming-of-age in the 1960s.

Dough Boys - Quite a bad movie about hustlers on the mean streets and bad guy gangsters.

Operation Valkyrie - A German movie from 2004, out because of the Cruise flick.

Trailer Park Boys, The Complete Series - Best Canadian show ever.

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, Deluxe Edition - Terrible. And not the final chapter at all.

Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning, Deluxe Edition - Slightly better. But still awful.

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives, Deluxe Edition - Maybe the worst of all.

Friday the 13th Part 2, Blu-Ray - Before the subtitles and roman numerals. Dreadful.

Friday the 13th Part 3, Blu-Ray - Totally silly and awful. But at least it's in 3-D.

Operation Go Home graduation and...a plea for funds!

2009-06-12T04:55:00.002-04:00

To all Ottawa business owners - there is an opportunity for a free breakfast! Operation Go Home is hosting their annual Breakfast On The Rideau at the Courtyard restaurant 7:30 next Thursday. Dave Smith is involved, serving up a terrific breakfast, and there will be guest speakers and a few of the success stories to come out of Operation Go Home in recent years. I'll be there too - not that my presence sweetens the breakfast any - doing the show live from the Courtyard. We have had some success this year convincing potential donors to attend the event, but less than in previous years. Which means we're taking late registrations, and you can do so through me at eric.bollman@ottawaradio.rogers.com

The event will be two things - first, a fundraiser. And second, a big media event where the new direction of Operation Go Home will be unveiled. I believe that's all I can say about that for now. The funds raised will go toward programs like the Achievement Centre, which provides the homeless kids of Ottawa a place to take courses, learn skills, and in many cases graduate. I just attended, yesterday, a graduation ceremony at St. Brigid's church downtown, beside OGH. About ten kids were there, receiving diplomas and certificates for the completion of courses and some for graduating high school. School officials from Lester B. Pearson and elsewhere were in attendance, creating a celebratory atmosphere.

And it really is a celebration - first of all, these kids don't get a prom when they graduate from high school. They just get the satisfaction of having done so, and a leg up in life. But for someone in these circumstances - no family support, no money whatsoever, sometimes abject poverty and sometimes substance abuse problems - to actually graduate high school is no small feat. It really is a bigger deal than it was for, say, me to graduate high school. All I had to do was show up in order to graduate. These kids have to fight just to show up at all. But with the help of the dedicated volunteers, and teachers, and tutors who work in the Operation Go Home classroom, many youth are able to succeed in this daunting task. And it's through donations from the community that such things are able to be done. So come on out for a free breakfast next Thursday! You know, if you're one of those corporate types.

Alice Cooper tribute show tonight at Lone Star

2009-06-11T04:27:00.002-04:00

Tonight, at the Lone Star near the St. Laurent shopping centre, Gamut is putting on an Alice Cooper tribute show with special guests Cl!ck and The Perrier & Birtch Jam. They sent me a big poster and a bunch of information on the show, but I can't attend because of a prior Operation Go Home commitment. So I thought at the very least I would give their show a plug - 8:00 tonight, Lone Star 1211 Lemieux Street, $12 cover charge at the door. They also sent me four tickets, which I will be unable to use, so I will leave them at the reception desk today. First person to ask for them gets them. To see more about Gamut and their show, click here. I am told, in the note that accompanied the tickets and poster, that they do the full theatrical Alice Cooper show. Should be fun!

Today's Breaking Rock News

2009-06-10T05:51:00.002-04:00

Breaking Rock News, or at least the website that allows me to post stories on Breaking Rock News, is not working this morning. So I will post the stories here, for reference sake. Here goes:

It turns out Brett Michaels was, indeed, hurt fairly badly by the descending set piece at the Tony awards on Sunday night. While the show's PR reps suggested that he had nothing more than a minor scrape following the accident, Michaels' reps now say that he suffered a broken nose and three stitches to his lip. Michaels has now lashed out through a representative, criticizing the Tonys and host Neil Patrick Harris, who they say acted inappropriately following the incident. Harris joked about doing shots with Michaels backstage during the telecast. Their statement reads in part, “Sunday morning at rehearsals, Bret was never informed that the descending set piece existed let alone would be moving into position as he was exiting the stage. I feel had this incident happened to Liza Minnelli, Dolly Parton or Elton John the Tonys would have at least issued a letter of concern. It is unfortunate that the show’s host made light of the situation without having any knowledge of the severity of Bret’s injuries. Comments that Mr. Harris was doing shots backstage with Mr. Michaels and that Bret was completely fine were untrue considering Bret never saw Mr. Harris prior to, during or after the Tonys but in fact was being attended to by medical personnel backstage.” Shortly after making the statement, Michaels had his "rock star" card revoked. Although it has been a suspended license since 1988.

Singer-songwriter Kenny Rankin, who played guitar on the 1965 Bob Dylan classic Bringing It All Back Home, has passed away from complications related to lung cancer. Rankin was a favourite of Johnny Carson, appearing on The Tonight Show more than 20 times. Carson wrote the liner notes for Rankin's album Mind Dusters. Rankin's solo career peaked in the mid-70s with the album The Kenny Rankin Album which was recorded with a 60-piece orchestra. Paul McCartney so liked his version of the Beatles' "Blackbird" that he asked Rankin to play his version at the ceremony where John Lennon and McCartney were inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame. Rankin died June 7th at the age of 69.

The cast of Cherry Bomb has been filled out. Breaking Rock News previously reported that Twilight's Kristen Stewart had been cast as Joan Jett in the Runaways biopic, and War Of The Worlds' Dakota Fanning has been cast as 16-year-old singer Cherie Currie. Now the final piece is in place, as the part of Lita Ford will be played by Alessandra Torresani, and Stella Maeve (who appeared in a few Gossip Girl episodes) will play drummer Sandy West. Torresani is a 22 year old actress who has appeared mainly on television since the age of ten. The filming of the movie will begin next week, and it will be in theatres in 2010.

It worked! Anvil: The Story of Anvil has landed the Canadian band some work. The documentary, which hit theatres recently, depicts the band as a sort of real-life Spinal Tap, refusing to give up on the dream of rock and roll stardom. And now - it has all paid off. Anvil has been invited to open two shows, July 28th at Gillette Stadium in Boston and July 31st at Giants Stadium in New Jersey, for AC/DC. The dream lives on!

ZZ Top had the crowd rocking as they taped an episode of VH1 Storytellers on March 31st. It was a celebration of the band's 40th anniversary - ZZ Top hold the record for longest enduring line-up of all original members of any rock band. The episode they filmed is coming to the air soon, on June 27th, on VH1.

Spinal Tap are coming to late night TV. The "band" has been confirmed for the Conan O'Brien show for June 15th. They will be performing on the show, but there are not yet any further details about their appearance.

It was feared, going into the elections for the European Parliament, that incredibly low voter turnout would open the door for some bizarre parties and crazy fringe groups to get elected to a seat or two. Well, it has happened - following the European Union elections on Sunday, the Pirate Party now has a seat. The Pirates managed to get 7.1% of the Swedish vote, good enough for one of Sweden's 18 seats on the 785-seat European parliament. Why is this story in Breaking Rock News, you ask? Well, partly because it's awesome fun not to be reported everywhere. But also because the sole platform of Sweden's "Pirate Party" is the plan to abolish copyright laws in order to protect internet piracy for music and movies. So, internet piracy could be totally legal in Europe in the next few years. You know, if the Pirate delegate can convince 392 other elected officials.

A few years ago, seeing a jewel-encrusted Mr. Potato Head being sold for an exorbitant price, comedian Lewis Black was heard to remark "that's it! They have officially run out of things to jewel-encrust!" Breaking Rock News wonders what Mr. Black's take would be on this. Mr. Potato Head, always looking for a new promotional opportunity to remain relevant in today's video-game culture, has partnered with KISS. Yes, there will now be a series of KISS Mr. Potato Head dolls. They will have interchangeable parts, and all four members will be represented. You know, the Demon and the Spaceman and the Catman and the Starchild. We would like to say that KISS has officially run out of things upon which they can put their faces, but we know full well that this will never be the case.

Chickenfoot is not Van Halen. We all knew that, even though half of the supergroup is Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony, formerly of Van Halen. When asked if the addition of Joe Satriani and Chad Allen helped avoid comparisons to his former band Anthony said "I really do. It wasn't like we reacted to what anyone else was saying or doing, it's just a group of gifted musicians getting together and doing what they love to do. It just so happens that those jam sessions lead us to some creative common ground. We're extremely proud of what we've done in our pasts musically but for the initial stages of the tour we are consciously staying away from doing any Van Halen, Chili Peppers or anything from Satch's amazing solo catalog. This project is all about a new band presenting new songs; what makes it even more exciting is the prospect of playing them live for the fans. On this little Club Circuit tour, we've been tearing through the entire album along with the bonus track "Bitten by the Wolf". For the encore we've been kicking around a couple of oldies that we thought people might like to hear, "Highway Star" by Deep Purple and "Bad Motor Scooter". While the latter is a tune Sammy wrote with Montrose it's the perfect song for him to strap on the guitar and slug it out a little with Satch on stage, it's been an absolute riot."

If only...

2009-06-10T05:00:00.003-04:00

So, the former owner of TRM Technologies pleads guilty to charges of bid-rigging, along with several other people, in a scheme to rig the bidding process for ten government contracts worth $67 million. He pleads guilty, and is ordered to pay a fine of...$25,000. Seriously. 25 grand? Isn't that a drop in the bucket, especially after he got, I don't know, a large portion of the $67 million? I swear, if the only punishment for assault was a six dollar fine, I would be punching way more people.

Dany Heatley wants a trade.

2009-06-10T04:27:00.001-04:00

So...let 'im go.

I just bought $5,000 worth of meat.

2009-06-10T03:03:00.004-04:00

My girlfriend somehow got in touch with these people who deliver meat to your house. They sent a representative to my house on Monday for a meeting, which was kind of like one of those Tupperware-type deals that I understand strange people do. Only this one was cool, because it was about meat. All the meat these guys provide is from local farmers (within a 100 km radius of Ottawa) which is important to me - good for the environment, good for the local economy. The meat is all grain-fed and corn-fed. Well, that's not true. The cows and pigs are grain-fed and corn-fed. The meat comes from them. Which is important too - no hormones or chemicals and other bad stuff. Which is good for the ol' health. And of course I am now a health nut. The meat is flash-frozen, which is best for retaining flavour, and that's good for the ol' tastebuds.

They're bringing me a freezer too, which is terrific. I don't have the cubic foot capacity in my little fridge-freezer to accomodate that much meat. And soon, I will have enough beef and chicken and pork and...other stuff I can't remember...to last a year. I can't remember because I got a little excited and ordered some strange and exotic things. Ox, and the like. What's great too is that the stuff I keep around for days when I'm too lazy or busy to cook anything elaborate (which happens about once a week), I get that too - Kraft dinner, cereal, pasta, sauce, salsa, condiments, and pretty much anything that could concievably last a year. Which means that as soon as my order arrives, I will be shopping only for milk, cheese, bread and fresh vegetables. And I'm paying far less per week than I do right now.

This is the greatest idea ever. Support local farmers, help the environment, get better tasting meat, save money, boost the local economy and have food at your fingertips year round. The only problem I can see is that I ordered several different types of steak, and a lot of it. And there is a (very) good chance that I will eat steak. Every day. Until it is gone. Which, considering I will have that much steak around, could last more than a week. I could be out of food and 400 pounds by the time September comes. Not only that, but if I'm having a party or something I can order a ton more meat for that particular event, cheaper and better than stuff in the grocery stores. Which again seems dangerous to me. I've eaten all my steak, I'll just order more! I remember one summer (1998, I believe), when I was making more money than I had ever seen in my life, I went out for steak with my co-workers every single night. I put on 40 pounds that summer alone. This summer, I will be careful. Probably.

These guys are, at the moment, too small to advertise I think. It appears to be a thing that becomes known entirely by word-of-mouth. So if anyone is ineterested in getting a year's worth of meat, send me an email and I'll put you in touch - eric.bollman@ottawaradio.rogers.com - I can't yet vouch for the taste, because my food hasn't yet arrived, but I can vouch for a good presentation.

Thank you, Marc-Andre Fleury.

2009-06-10T02:19:00.002-04:00

There are two days in the sporting calendar that are terribly bittersweet for me. The Super Bowl and the Stanley Cup Finals (for some reason I capitalized both those things) both represent the culmination of their respective seasons, and therefore they are the moments for which I have been watching hockey and football all year. But they also mean no more hockey and no more football, hence the bittersweet nature of the two events. In fact, what with the NBA Finals (also, for some reason, capitalized) coinciding with the Stanley Cup Finals that means that coming up is the longest stretch of nothing interesting in sports until the CFL season begins. Not that I don't like baseball, but I can't get into a regular season game in June when there are 110 games left to go in the season. I'll watch the Red Sox and Yankees. Because I'm a Boston fan and they are the top two teams and there's a rivalry and...well, whatever. (By the way, nice job last night Sox. Take that, pinstripes.)

But baseball is not like football, where I will watch Cleveland play Oakland if that's what's on. Or hockey, where I will watch Tampa Bay play the Kings. But I'm not watching the Washington Nationals play Kansas City on a Tuesday afternoon. I'm just not. (Unless Zack Greinke is pitching. That guy is good.) On the plus side, as soon as the NBA finals are over, I will be far more productive until opening day of the CFL season. (July 1st, for those who care.) At any rate, I just wanted to write a post here thanking Marc-Andre Fleury for that incredible performance in last night's game that allowed me to spend one more night watching hockey this season. Game Seven? Friday night? When I can stay up and actually watch, should there be (cross my fingers) an overtime? It gets no better than that. Go Penguins!

New Cynical Cinema today

2009-06-09T04:00:00.005-04:00

Gran Torino - Clint Eastwood at his badass old-man best.
Nightwatching - Martin Freeman plays Rembrandt. Carnage, chaos and a funny movie ensue.
Sunny And The Elephant - A Thai-French movie about elephants. And a kid.
Fatal Attraction (Blu-Ray) - Glenn Close gets all scary. Rabbits run and hide.
The Cleaner Season One - Benjamin Bratt stars in one of the worst shows on TV.
Perry Mason Season Four Volume One - Still cool, still unnecessarily split into volumes.
Indecent Proposal (Blu-Ray) - This movie always sucked. Still does.
Blue Gold - World Water Wars in documentary form. Eye opening.
Killer at Large - Documentary about how being fat is killing us all.
Addicted To Plastic - Documentary about how plastic is killing us all.
The Bodyguard 2 - Sequel to The Bodyguard One! Tony Jaa returns, briefly.
The Bodyguard - Tony Jaa makes a cameo. That's the best reason to watch.
Nothing But the Truth - Kate Beckinsale goes to jail. Really good movie.

What do I do now?

2009-06-05T11:09:00.003-04:00

For a long time, I kept hearing about women being "attracted" to "powerful" men. And I thought it would be a good idea, maybe even a great one, if I became the only man on earth who was attracted by power. And I tried. I really did. I made a serious effort to be turned on by Oprah. And the Queen of England. I bought "O" magazine, but there was no centerfold. I bookmarked Queen Elizabeth's official website. And I tried. Lord, how I tried! But I could just never get past the fact that Oprah is obnoxious and not very pretty. And the Queen is 141 years old, and not very pretty. I thought, I may not be shallow enough to be turned on by power, but I AM, certainly, shallow enough to go for looks above all else in my public fascinations.

Then, yesterday, here comes Forbes magazine to the rescue! Oprah is no longer the most powerful woman in the States! That honour, based on a series of criteria which seem to me to be random at best, has now been bestowed (by Forbes) on Angelina Jolie! I have no idea how this list is made. Little of it makes sense to me - witness, Beyonce is #4. Barack Obama is #49. But whatever. Finally, the most powerful woman - Angelina Jolie - is one I might actually lust after. But I realize, now, too late. I am hot for Angelina Jolie because she is hot. And I would still take Kate Beckinsale over Angelina Jolie, even though Kate Beckinsale doesn't even make the list. And I must concede my dream. I will never be attracted to powerful women. Only hot powerful ones. Except Sarah Palin. So, Carla Bruni, and Swedish princesses, and...Beyonce?

Fun.

2009-06-05T08:06:00.003-04:00

My cousin just came into town and stayed with me for a day. He had been organizing a symposium in Iqualuit, and he told me about the local man who dressed as a superhero. This man, Polarman, dresses as a superhero. Every day. For the past fifteen years or so. He never goes anywhere out of costume, and he spends most of his time running around and striking poses, buying into his persona completely. I admire that kind of dedication to craziness, and so I looked up Polarman on youtube. Here are a few videos that I felt I must share of this amazingly committed individual in action:

And...awesome!

Guitar Hero: Van Halen trailer

2009-06-05T05:00:00.002-04:00

The trailer for the upcoming video game Guitar Hero: Van Halen is up on the net now. Yes, video games have trailers. The trailer for The Beatles: Rock Band is up on Doc's blog, I get Van Halen. Well, here it is:

Video game comes out "later this year".

Something worth seeing.

2009-06-03T04:53:00.003-04:00

Does anyone know the name Paul Di'Anno? Not me...apparently he was once the lead singer of Iron Maiden, and the rumours are that his split with the band was due to his heavy drug use. Well now, he is still touring as a solo act. One I've never heard anything about. He is currently in Argentina on that tour. He had a press conference. And he went off. First, a clip of them playing:

Now, a clip of him losing it, which is far more interesting:

Anyway. That guy was once the lead singer of Iron Maiden. I'm told.

Perhaps it's time to shut down FOX News for good.

2009-06-02T02:35:00.002-04:00

Is there any doubt that FOX News, the most visible and influential of the right-wing media orgainzations in the states, and their constant use of the term "Tiller the baby killer", are in a big way responsible for the assassination of Dr. George Tiller yesterday? There is a difference between attacking public, elected officials on a television program, but vilifying a private citizen like Dr. Tiller, and attacking him with a name like that, is going to incite violence. And it does. And it did.