A Special Hell

Now Opening

2006-02-17T06:06:00.000-08:00

This is a weekend for hot redheads -- Alyson Hannigan and Julianne Moore -- but sadly, even their extreme hotness can't save us from the suckitude that is this weekend's opening movies.

Date Movie: Satirizing movies that weren't all that funny to begin with. I'll just wait for the unrated, uncorked, special edition DVD -- that way, my torture will be undiluted by the MPAA.

Eight Below: My wife wants to see this. She will cry at the end. So will I, but for completely different reasons.

Night Watch: The only good one on the list. In "Limited Cities", which means, no, no movie for you, Mr. Arkansan.

Freedomland: Julianne Moore emotes. Samuel Jackson wears his hat all cool-like. Together, they fight crime.

Now Opening

2006-02-09T19:52:00.000-08:00

Firewall: Rich white man protects his money. Bad guys with accents kidnap his female and the spawn of his seed. His inner badass awakens. You will walk away thinking you've seen this movie before.

Final Destination 3: You have seen this movie before, but this time, it's bigger, louder, more convoluted, and ten times bloodier. I am sooo there.

Pink Panther: I like Steve Martin. I like the Pink Panther. I like Jean Reno. Yet somehow, the three combined makes me weep and want to kill precious doe-eyed things. Didn't we learn anything from the Roger Moore Pink Panther fiasco? May St. Peter forgive us.

Curious George: Monkey is bad. Catch that bad monkey with both hands and spank it hard. Bad monkey!

London: This movie has invisible subtitles. You can't read them, but this is what they say: "I'm not just a pretty face, I'm an actor, really, see, I'm in an indie flick, I'm like arty, and stuff."

My last name is now Ewing

2006-02-04T10:16:00.000-08:00

I just got back from a very long week of work in Dallas. Met some good people there, except for the one yokel in Chili's who kept insisting that just because he hated minorities that it didn't mean he was racist. Minorities were racists against him, and that's why he hated them. And apparently, I'm a bigot against bigots, whatever that means.

I spent a lot of nights reminiscing with my good friend Tom Collins, and then let the hotel ductwork drone me to sleep. I have never been happier to be back in Little Rock -- so screw Wolfe, you can go back home again.

So here I am catching up on news for the week, only to discover nothing has really happened. Alito got confirmed, like that was shocking news. Here's some interesting tidbits I've been able to comprehend as I wait for my venti, triple-shot, skinny mocha to take effect.

While reading this article, did you hear a gust of wind and a shrill cry followed by a loud wet thump? That was the sound of a zillion midlife wannabe filmmakers throwing themselves off the nearest high structure in a fit of bitter jealousy. Luckily, I survived the fall, having landed on the soft bodies of those who descended before me.

And if it all comes out well, this camera will change the world of independent filmmaking forever. That is, if the price comes out okay.

This article exposes how fake reality tv is. Duh, you say, but it's still intriguing to learn the techniques that they use. I love the term Frankenbites. I think I could say it all day long. Frankenbites, frankenbites, frankenbites. Okay, maybe not.

This year's Slamdance has an online short film site. Sites like this and Triggerstreet are a great way for us filmmakers out in the boonies to learn their craft. Watch, critique, and study.

And lastly, Filmthreat absolutely skewered this Sundance film that was shot in Arkansas last year. I know some of the crew, and they had some interesting stories from that production.

Potty Mouth

2006-01-24T07:40:00.000-08:00

Check out this list. I don't know how people find enough time in the day to actually count these sort of things, but God bless 'em.

Fahrenheit 101

2006-01-13T06:36:00.000-08:00

I worked briefly as a camera assistant and co-director of a short documentary film on homelessness in Little Rock, AR. I found that despite the chaos of a shooting day, I had much more control over a narrative film. Any magic could be manufactured. Documentaries require you to find the magic beneath the layers of regular mundane existence. The arched eyebrow, the impromptu smile, the silly walk, the strange turn of phrase, the quiet moment. You tend to shoot much more footage, because you don't know what gems you might accidentally capture.

Documentaries were also much more challenging legally. In a narrative film, you can always fall back on, I just made it up. In a documentary, you are capturing and rearranging pieces of reality. And sometimes, reality is not something people want exposed.

I found this lovely site that discusses some of the legal issues documentary filmmakers face. There are some excellent examples of Fair Use, which is vital to making a documentary that doesn't consist solely of talking heads spewing facts.

Shoot-out at the HD Corral

2006-01-12T10:11:00.000-08:00

Many of you won't care, but for those filmmakers looking at getting an HD cam, this shoot-out at DVXuser.com is a godsend. It compares the Sony HDVs, the new Panasonic HVX200, the JVC HD100, and the new Canon XLH1, and the results are surprising. Even more surprising, since the site is heavy on the Panasonic love bone.

The shootout makes me feel better about buying the FX1, despite the fact the Sony doesn't perform as well comparatively. (The FX1's images are very similar to the Z1U being tested.) For the price, the FX1 would put up a good fight.

Read the whole thread, because more information is provided throughout. Try to ignore some of the more snarky posters. Camera fanatics can be rather evangelical about their brand choice.

Addendum: Apparently, there is some controversy that the tests on DVXuser may not be completely accurate. There's talk that attempts were made to make the HVX200 seem superior, instead of having an unbiased test. I personally have no idea, although I wouldn't be too shocked to find Panasonic favoritism on a pro-Panasonic site. They're not big fans of the other brands.

I personally like all the cameras, since they tend to have enough different features to make me want all of them. They each have their strengths and weaknesses, and the final image within their price category is truly subjective. I find this camera snobbery somewhat amusing, in a waste-of-time sort of way. After all, there's plenty of 35mm film purists who scoff at us video "filmmaker" enthusiasts anyway.

Nuclear Family

2006-01-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

Lately, it seems like you can't start your day without a big bowl of crazy. A really big bowl of crazy, with loony sprinkled all over the top. Nuclear ambitions in Iran, saber rattling from the special ed kids in Washington, the international community in a conflicted tizzy. The Axis of Evil vs the Confederation of Stupid -- it can only end in tears.

Perhaps, I'm turning into an old fart, but reading the news is not a good way to start the morning. Next time, I'll just jab a pencil in my eye. It'll hurt less. Has the world stage always been this way, like a play written by a dyslexic sociopath? I'm sure the Left Behind people are creaming their shorts at the joy of this, one more day closer to their self-fulling prophecy of annihilation.

And after watching the farce that is the Alito Supreme Court "hearings," I think it's time that the cockroaches took over. Here are the keys to the house, my invertebrate friends. Turn off the lights when you're done.

Ha! #1,614

2006-01-11T13:45:00.000-08:00

Not mine, but something people are passing around via that lovely Internet e-mail thing. Why post it? Dude, it's got He-Man. And I posted He-Man's crotch a few days ago. Can you say, serendipity?

He-Man, I wish I knew how to quit you.

Film is made from oil, and sometimes it burns

2006-01-11T11:47:00.000-08:00

This movie will probably never, ever come to this town, but I would love to see it... Watch the trailer and prepare to be flabbergasted. That's right, I said it, flabbergasted. As in, your flabber will be gasted.

I love filmmakers who wield a movie like a warhammer, crushing everything in sight. Even if it doesn't turn out good, god bless the fire.

Crotch Rocket

2006-01-07T16:53:00.000-08:00

So...

...I'm checking out the stats for the new Crowfeather site (and they're through the roof by the way, despite not doing any promos). The stat service I use allows me to check out where everyone is from by tracing their IPs and their favorite pages. (Which means I know exactly how long my friends actually visit the site -- you know who you are.)

For some reason, I get a lot of visitors to The Undergraduates film portion of the site. At first, I think it's because they just like the amateurish violence of the movie (yeah me!), but really, the truth is far simpler.

They like crotches.

They really like crotches.

Apparentally, since the page has the word crotch on it, and since Crowfeather Films is a movie site, the two together means I rank high on search engines. Put in "crotch" and "movie" and the Undergraduates movie page pops up. It's no wonder though that the same crotch-seeking cruisers never stay long. Someone from a Department of Defense military server in Iraq, a couple of people from China, and someone from Canada all found my site seeking "crotch + movie" but left, sadly flaccid.

Somehow, I feel dirty.

"Lingering LSD Trip..."

2005-12-29T21:54:00.000-08:00

This is not my post. I copied this directly from a post on the NY Craigslist board. Funny stuff, but I only think filmmakers will find it amusing in a painful sort of way:

I was an aspiring filmmaker, got some cash to blow and got some real good equipment. But after a year and a few months of slaving over craigslist for bullshit jobs and non paying jobs in hopes of "transportation, food and LOADS of experience, WOW" To all you filmmakers out there, QUIT I currently work in retail now and frankly, Im loving it. Nice stable job. money comes in every week, you cant ask for more with a crappy film degree like yourselves. Forget it people, film isnt what it used to be... if you find yourself slaving over craigslist every 10 min looking for that ONE job that millions of others New Yorkers and NJers have found, you need to fucking wake up and realize film was once a golden gate of creativity and dream and now is a dirty unthankful piece of shit now. Its over, Im sorrry... film went out with Rotary phones and the food pyramid. its a lingering LSD trip that lives on with people paying nothing that take advantage of. Quit I did, and I am finally happy Good luck

There's some kernels of hardcore truth buried in this rant. As true in Arkansas as it is New York. Not enough to make me quit, however. :) And from another Craigslist post:

taking a huge-ass risk, succumbing to the power of fugly and getting your heart stomped on

If that doesn't describe filmmaking, I don't know what does.

Vanity is my second favorite sin

2005-12-29T18:53:00.000-08:00

The new improved Crowfeather Films website goes live today. I spent that past week teaching myself CSS, and I redesigned the entire site. CSS is great, but the browser quirks were driving me insane. I had to go strangle a cute little puppy just to unwind. (Just kidding! It wasn't all that cute.)

There's even new info posted, including the short films, "TV Dinner," "The Mermaids Singing," and "My Hero." You can even download "TV Dinner" to watch at your own leisure.

Prufrock is a putz

2005-11-24T11:26:00.000-08:00

Uncorrected stills from my recent short film:
A deep, introspective, brooding moment for our hero, the writer. Get out your filterless cigarettes and black turtlenecks.

Ooo, pretty.

The lovebirds enjoy a moment of fantasy before the crushing iron boot of reality destroys everything. Or something like that. Oh, wait, I'm talking about my life, not the movie. Ahem. Next picture please.

The great Tucker Steinmetz. If I had my way, he would be in every movie I make.

Special effects shot. Turned out pretty well. Note, however, the camera bag in the corner, which I'll have to crop out of the final version. Few LCDs on video cameras show the entire picture. If you're a filmmaker, err on the side of caution. Don't trust your LCD. It lies.

Special effects shot. The light shifted so this was a pain to deal with. See if you can find the line where the footage was matted together. It's there.

The film should hopefully premiere at the local art theater on December 6th. I have no idea how people will react to it. I'm just hoping that no one throws rotten fruit and vegetables at me.

Ghostworld, St. Louis

2005-11-22T06:52:00.000-08:00

Pictures from a recent business trip. From my balcony on the 20+ floor, a little bit south of God.

Nights like this makes me contemplate the most ephemeral things: spirits, old memories, and of course, most predictable of all, the red emotions. Everything seems sacred again.

Directly across from me, the hive is silent. Hundreds of dreams with their wings folded in, sleeping.

The city is haunted by slow shutter ghosts.