Ava Von Snarky

Here Snarky Snarky

2008-04-28T20:56:00.000-07:00

I leaned the wrong way and fell of the edge of the planet again and therefore have completely missed posting. I keep falling off the edge of the earth or so say my friends. I keep getting e-mails of "What happened to you?"

I'm here. I just keep circumventing the Bay Area on a daily basis in the name of training.

(Slumps over and starts snoring)

Spam-tastic!

2008-04-10T15:05:00.000-07:00

Yahoo, I know you are out trying to shop your self around to the highest bidder. You have your high heels on, your push-up bra, and you are walking the streets of acquisition looking for the right price. Yahoo, I must tell you that you have a gigantic hole in your fish-net stockings, it's called spam.

Internet e-mail seems to me to be one of those no-brainer things. I have had an account with you since 90's, so we have been together almost ten years. In ten years of me using your (granted it's free) e-mail, I am amazed at how you have never been able to figure out how to block spam. See I report all the evil spam that I recieve to you in hopes that you will pull your crap together and learn how to block it. I have reported the same 7 chicks that e-mail me millions of times. If I report the same names over and over again - don't you think Yahoo that means that I don't want to receive spam from then and ergo you should not put it in my main mailbox. For god sakes it says "Sexually Explicit" in the subject line. Is that too hard to identify?

On top of all the sexually explicit spam I get, I am lucky enough to receive solicitations for prescription medication. Yahoo are you trying to tell me that I should drug myself and watch porn? Because this is the crap that you send to my Inbox - along with fake lottery winnings. You have turned my Inbox into a cesspool and not matter how much reporting I do, you still can't pull it together and block the crap. I have to wade through all the nonsense just to get to the two legitimate e-mails that I get a day.

I have been using Gmail for quite some time, and it has superior spam blocking super powers. And we all know that Google's search engine is so much better. Yahoo, in my humble opinion, you need to apply another layer of lipstick and not ask for too much.

Processing

2008-04-08T08:54:00.000-07:00

All last week Drew was in our bed. At two am he would come in looking for some cuddling and since I can't resist. He woke up the next morning, rolled over, looked at me and said, "Mom, what is your favorite part of the potty training process?"

What is my favorite part? None of it. But I can't say that, can I. Quick, think of something supportive yet drives the point home. "Honey, I like the part where you go all by yourself and have no accidents".

Horder vs. Nagger

2008-04-07T15:04:00.000-07:00

You know us as Ava Von Snarky & Mr. Von Snarky. But what you don't know is that we have a double life. I am also know as the Nagger and Mr. Von Snarky is known as the Horder. Mr. Von is a recovering horder. See, he makes the mess and then I nag about it until he wants to shoot me.

I should have known that when we first met that it was an issue when I went to his apartment the first time and I could not walk in it. Everything in the apartment was filled with crap to waist high level. There was a small and narrow path to his bedroom, to the kitchen and to the bathroom. You couldn't move anywhere else due to all the CRAP! He said he had just moved in (which he had) and I bought it.

Needless to say that the hording got so bad that our house was filled and we had 2 20x20 storage units, filled with CRAP! We couldn't find the crap we really needed because there was so much CRAP! I knew that he had a problem and we figured it out. It took 5 years to clean out all the crap. Every week we would have a 64 gallon recycling bin filled to the brim - for 5 years. Our garbage and recycling man hated us. I used to tape tips to the cans to ease the pain. We eventually cleaned out the house on got rid of the two storage unit.

How did it get so bad? I didn't realize how bad it was in the first place and it took over the house before I knew it. I was unable to organize that amount of mess. That and our house had no closets - and that complicates things when you have CRAP and nowhere to hide it. Well soon I went from the Enabler (living with it) to the Nagger. I the Nagger was taking away his precious CRAP and therefore I was the enemy. It has been a long road back to organized and clean, but we have gotten there. We have no storage unit, and if we buy something new, three old things go out.

I can't say how proud of I am of Mr. Von Snarky for coming as far as he has. When he is not paying attention, he starts to hord and we have to put it in check. So after getting rid of all that crap we are left with a lot of projects. We can't get rid of more CRAP until these projects are completed and these projects take a long time to complete. However this weekend, we went into the office to dig him out again. He has been hording around his desk again. What was supposed to be a quick clean-up turned into us gripe fest between the Horder & the Nagger. The reality that we have quite a ways to go before the mess is over was quite a blow.

However the Horder has been very diligently chipping away these projects. His dilligence is astounding. It it was up to me I would have loaded everything into the car and taken it to the electronics recycling center - A LONG TIME A GO! But since he has gotten rid of so much and worked so hard my only choice is to help him. So I can't be the Nagger with the foul tongue, I must transition to the helper and do it his way. After all he has complied with me 150%.

Evicted

2008-04-01T12:26:00.000-07:00

He sauntered in all innocent like: all sleepy and warm with his blanket at 4am this morning. He exclaimed innocently that he wanted to cuddle. In the most authoratative voice that I could muster at 4am I said sure, but just for a little bit because I was going to be sending him right back to bed. He settled in between Mr. Von Snarky and I. And I fell back asleep.

At 5am I wake up to find that someone had invaded my pillow space. It's cool little one, you look so cute angelically sleeping there and I can share some pillow. I have still maintained the majority of my spot on the bed, I can spare some pillow.

However at 6am as I was hanging on to an inch of my pillow and the side of the bedI see that I had been very strategically evicted from my own soft warm bed, that I so kindly shared at 4am. You see the guy had slowly put masterfully stolen all of my pillow, then turned himself at an angle so as to eject me from the bed and kick his dad in the butt.

You see I am shocked since I am the primary blanket and bed stealer in the family. If there is a comfy spot, be it couch or bed, I will consume all of it and without apology. I was quite taken aback at the cunning of our three year old. Next time I am not falling for, "Can I cuddle?"

Thank heaven for underware

2008-03-31T15:46:00.000-07:00

I see London, I see France, I am so thankful to see my 3 year old in underpants. While I was busy applying more rubber to the road all over the Bay Area, Mr. Von Snarky took the bull by the horn and sent Drew to Preschool in underpants. And guess what? They came back dry!

And then over the weekend while we were home, he didn't have an accident the whole time. (wheep, sniff) You see I am just so damn thankful I will not have to wipe poo for a while until I see a plump, sweet-smelling baby and decide I have to have another one. It's so great not be trying to get the largest size diaper they make to fit on your 3 year old that is as tall as a 5 year old. We had to get him out of diapers, because they weren't making them big enough anymore.

Thank you! Thank you heaven for no more smelly pants!

Thanks and Thanks a Lot

2008-03-20T20:23:00.000-07:00

Thanks Mr. Von Snarky for reporting my whereabouts. I have not runaway with a tall swede. Thank you for hanging in there with me, I started a new job this week with Mega Bank, which is turning out to be a great thing for me. They even gave me an office, which I feel totally uncomfortable in, see I am a cubicle monger. I am hiding behind my desk as we speak thinking that the office police are going to come in and take their office back. See they must have made a mistake in thinking I was adult enough for an office. Does this mean I have to act like an adult? Because farts still make my laugh.

So here comes the snarky "thanks a lot". With my new job I have been going to different banking locations and closing them down. Part of that requires me to pack up their credit files. Because this is such a cumbersome task I have been going from location to location logging, packing, security seals, logging some more, taping and cursing. This one location begged me for their help, said they had tons of files, and they were just so busy, and to please save them from file boxing hell. I arrive and find that they only have 8 drawers to box ( Where did the other 10 million that they were complaining about go?)

While I am feverishly packing away files on the second floor of the bank with no idea what is going on downstairs, I didn't realize that the bank closed at 4:30pm. I go to take the elevator down at 4:45pm and realize that I can't get down the elevator into the branch to exit the bank. I called downstairs and got no answer. I frantically looked for an emergency staircase which to my amazing luck exited outside the building. I look in the window of the bank and there is no one in there. Well gee thanks a lot for locking me in the building. I probably set off the alarm when I went out the emergency exit. And when I got back to my car, I had a parking ticket.

Things are going better this week, however I am all over the place.

Jet Setting

2008-03-20T10:11:00.001-07:00

It has come to my attention that my favorite blogger has been absent for a bit.

The lack of phone calls, emails and other such contact from her might otherwise lead me to believe that she has run away for holiday with a well built swede, if I didn't find her plastered to the floor in exhaustion every night.

She is in fact alive, wishing she were here.

RIP IPOD

2008-03-14T10:13:00.001-07:00

We gathered here today to honor my beloved IPOD, who died a tragic death at the bottom of my briefcase when I bottle of water popped itself open and drowned it's poor electronic soul. Mr. Von Snarky fought hard to save your life, by opening you up and using canned air on your little parts to revive you, but to no avail. You finally went off life support last night.

To say that you will be missed is an understatement, you are practically a limb to me. You have performed well for being dropped almost daily, thrown, stepped on and carried everywhere. You have been squeezed into the bottom of purses and been banged around in coat pockets. I bought you every accessory known to man to make up for the abuse. But in the end it was my negligence that caused your death.

Now who will do dishes with me? Who will go on long car drives with me? Sit with me while I do accounting? Fly with me on planes? Your sweet sound and unending play list will be sorely missed. You served us well. Rest in peace in electronic heaven. However, your body will be going to the electronics recycling place, but RIP just the same.

In the last 24 hours

2008-03-10T20:13:00.000-07:00

I have...

Cleaned a whole role of toilet paper out of the toilet
Washed a whole mess of Vicks Vapo Rub off my child that he thought was sunscreen
Had three glasses of champagne
Been locked in a closed bank
Gotten a parking ticket

At this point, I would like to repeat the three glasses of champagne.

Gasping for Air

2008-03-04T09:11:00.000-08:00

Life is moving way too fast at the moment (panting) and I can't seem to catch up at the moment (falls on the floor in a pile of sweat). Been traveling for work, lot's of changes, meeting new people (gulping water). Will post when I can form thoughts (does face plant into floor and waves).

Grocery Fondler

2008-02-18T10:35:00.000-08:00

On Sunday I was in line with the weekly groceries, I had placed in my cart some South Beach Diet Chocolate Raspberry Protein Bars. I am going on a business trip in a few weeks and I hate to be caught in an airport with temptation food court looming.

The checker was zooming along checking everything out when she came to a dead stop at my South Beach Diet Chocolate Raspberry Bars. She turned the box every which way and actually read the back of the box. Then she actually licked her lips and said "Yum". After she was done fondling my bars she reluctantly passed my bars down the bagger. Being that she worked there, you would figure she would be up on the latest food that is in the store. Don't they pass inside tips on the latest and greatest stuff in the store? I can't believe she stopped to have an intimate moment with my bars. We are in a grocery store for chris'sakes! Get your own damn bars!

Red in the Face

2008-02-18T09:56:00.000-08:00

Foolery had a great embarrassing story. Not that I laugh at other people being exposed, but she offerred it up. It got me ruminating about some of my most embarrasing moments. Luckily I got most of my most embarrasing stuff out of the way in Middleschool, one of the most awkward stages in my life. At the time I was rocking thick glasses, braces and an afro. See my mother thought it was a good idea to cut my hair and then perm it. I am convinced that my mother was intent on making me as ugly as possible because afros have never looked good on twelve year old white girls.

I was in middleschool and I was battling horrible acne. My mother had dragged me to dermatologist and asked for the strongest stuff they had. That would be maximum strength Retin A. She smothered it into my face before school and sent me off. As the day wore on my face hurt more and more, but I didn't have a mirror. In between classes kids were laughing at me. I thought it was the usual, my hair, my glasses and or my braces. When I went to the bathroom I looked in the mirror and was horrified to discover that my whole face was burned and bright red. I looked like someone had left me out in the desert for a year.

I waited for the bell to ring for class when no one would be in the halls and I ran to the nurses office. She looked at me very concerned and asked me what I was on. I told her my facial drug of choice and she called me mother. My mother walked into the nurse's office, she gasped and then starting laughing. The heartiest laugh I have ever heard out of her. I get that is was funny, I know that it looked like I had given my self a facial with tomato sauce, but I was like in actual pain, had been laughed at by my peers, I was actually looking for some sort of comfort from my maternal parental unit. My mother finally regained her compsure and took me off to the doctor, see my Mom had missed that little part on the label that said "Don't expose to sun". Apparently they were quite serious about that warning, seeing as I had 2nd degree chemical burn on my face.

It was funny, and I can laugh about it now.

One Too Many Times

2008-02-18T09:32:00.000-08:00

I was sitting at a stoplight when a man pulled up beside me and was yelling something inaudible at me. See I wish people would give the universal sign for rolling down your window and then yell inaudible things at me. What I deduced from this kind gentlemen's garble was that I lost my hubcap at the corner. My hubcap?

I spun around the corner to look for my hubcap which happened to have fallen off at the VERY busiest corner in my town. There it was, waiting patiently for me leaning up against the curb. Totally annoyed I chucked my hubcab into the back of my car and headed back home. Anything car Mr. Von Snarky deals with and that's because anything laundry I deal with. Division of labor is necessary in our life.

Mr. Von Snarky was kind of enough to reattach my hubcap for me. He was perplexed because the car is only two years old, it was a brand new car, and how could a hubcab be totally trashed. By trashed he means that of the 14 clips holding the hubcap on, 7 clips are completely destroyed as in missing. The other 7 are holding on for dear life, and apparently when I turned the corner the other day, they just couldn't anymore. The affected tire is my back tire on the passenger side, the one that always hits the curb. I see now that I have hit the curb one too many times.

It's true, I have abused my back passenger side tire. There is this little blind spot in the grocery store parking lot that is really hard to maneuver around and I hit it normally, hard, because I am in hurry to get out of the way. Sometimes if I am parking I kind of use that tire as my guide as to where the sidewalk is. I am totally guilty of mistreating it. And now when I take it in for service I have to purchase a new hubcap. I honestly thought it could take a beating and keep on ticking. Hopefully it won't be too expensive. In the meantime I am the only car in the parking lot sporting the one hubcap missing look.

I will be more gentle next time, I promise.

Sixteen Candles - Two Different Takes

2008-02-15T09:00:00.000-08:00

I was home sick with Drew yesterday AGAIN. This time the kid has an upper-respiratory infection. We were hanging out watching TV. When he woke up from his nap I was watching Sixteen Candles, one of my favorite movies. We are cuddling watching the end of the movie. We get to the most awesome scene in the whole movie where Jake and Samantha are sitting on the dining room table with the cake in between them.

The lean over to kiss and in my head I say, "Awwww". Meanwhile out loud Drew says, "Oh". Could we be thinking the same thing? Am I raising a sensitive and sweet little three year old guy who knows how to treat women? Then he says, " Is that Birthday cake? Mom, that looks like really good birthday cake. Can we have some birthday cake?" We were clearly not in awe over the same things.

Valentines day was good, even though I had tried to cancel it. Mr. Snarky was especially sweet with hiding cards all over the house and bringing me hot chocolate. He even ordered his own Sona Pillow. I think more for self preservation than anything.

Happy Valentine's Day - Stop Snoring

2008-02-14T07:48:00.001-08:00

I'm not proud of it, but I actually did try to smother Mr. Von Snarky on vacation this past year. Staying in a hotel meant that there was no couch to kick him on to when he started his fantastic impression of a wilder beast in his sleep.

Things have been so crazy that unfortunately this year Valentines day is going to be just an after thought. However if I was going to get Mr. Von Snarky a gift, other than my undying love, I would get him this Sona Pillow from Brookstone - It claims that it can stop snoring.

The Sona Pillow for snoring and sleep apnea seems like it would be a gift for him. Mr. Von Snarky would get better sleep because I would not be pushing him onto his side to stop snoring and I would not be tempted to smother him with the pillow again. Okay, Okay, it would be a gift for me, but think of how refreshed I would be in the morning having not being woken up 20 times a night. I might actually be nice.

Happy Valentines to you!

Loss for Words

2008-02-08T09:20:00.000-08:00

This week I am literally at a loss for words. I woke up Monday with no voice and have been struggling to speak all week.

It's been interesting, sometimes I can only whisper and other times I got into a deep sexy voice. The only good news is that I can sing, " Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows my sorrow" in full baratone glory. I saw Space Balls last weekend, I love that movie.

Just because my vocal chords are on hiatus doesn't mean that my brain and fingers are not working. You would think they would make up for the jaw flapping that is not happening, but oddly enough, this week I have not wanted to say anything at all. It takes so much energy to try and talk that I feel worn out from wanting to even form thoughts.

Here is hoping next week I will have something to say out loud or on paper.

My First MEME!

2008-02-05T09:42:00.000-08:00

Thank you Foolery for tagging me for a meme. I am totally honored. I don't know six other bloggers to tag, but once I do, I will be sure to tage them. Here we go!

6 Non-Important Things about me

1. During the winter I am never without a scarf. Since it is considered unprofessional to bring my blankie to work, it's like a mini-blanket wrapped around my neck. I sometimes sleep in them, which Mr. Von Snarky has informed me is dangerous. Whatever!

2. I have gas. A lot. Better out than in I always say.

3. My mom calls me and asks me what she should wear over the phone. She describes her closet over the phone to me and then asks me what she should wear. Then she always wears the exact opposite of what I suggest to her. Meaning she wears the most inappropriately revealing frock for a 60 year old woman, with most amount of loud flowers on them. I keep trying to tell that black suits are sexy, but she doesn't believe me. This makes me want to bang my head on the wall repeatedly. I have asked her to stop to no avail.

4. I read 4 books at a time. I keep flipping back and forth. I can't seem to commit.

5. My Netflix list always seems to be 50 movies long. I love movies. I am in a race to catch up to rentals.

6. I baked red velvet cupcakes because I wanted to see why everyone raves about red velvet cake. I was highly dissapointed that the hype was only about the red food coloring. Damn the hype! The only thing that redeemed it was the cocoanut sprinkles on the icing.

Driving Conversations & Hemp Farms

2008-01-31T12:28:00.000-08:00

The hemp comments from the commentors in my last post has to do with a dinner conversation we had on Tuesday night at our house. I was saying how on these long drives up to see my parents in Paradise, CA which is above Chico if you are familiar with California. If you are not, it's way the crap up there in the mountains.

On the way we drive past farm, after farm, after farm. I wondered one drive, if I was a farmer, what would I grow? After much discussion my husband and I decided we would be bamboo farmers or hemp farmers. Why? Because we would totally want to grow something sustainable and useful. Besides, if we had bamboo, I want to try and fly around in the bamboo like "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon". My Grandpa has an amazing green thumb, he is the plant whisperer, and I always wondered if somehow I was genetically encoded with this DNA. By the array of dead plants around my house, I would say no. I would need some practice.

Now if I was a farmer I would totally want to get into it. Overalls, long braids, funny hats, and brightly colored shoes. I know real farmers don't dress that way, but I would be my own version rural chic.

If you were a farmer, what would you grow?

I did it again!

2008-01-30T10:03:00.000-08:00

It is really hard to find good help these days. And by good help I mean a reliable tote bag. Not sure what made this one blow out this morning. Was it the addition of the box of tea bags? Because I am having trouble seeing how something that weighs NOTHING, would make my bag up and quit on me. Because that was the only additional item that I threw into by bag this morning and the straps disintegrated on the way down the stairs. Luckily I caught it in time before the contents of my life were strewn everywhere. Another one failed under the pressure and apparently the weight of me.

So do I head to TJ Maxx again and pick up another $20 special knowing that I will crush it in a matter of months? Or do I invest in something a little bit more sturdy? You know something with some grit and titanium handles.

Attributes that my new bag must have:
-Must be black. I work at a bank and black is always in style at a bank. Besides which, black is most often my color of choice, because it goes with the rest of my closet, which is black. Takes the thinking out of getting ready in the morning.

-Must be able to tote around 100 lbs at least. I have a lot of important stuff that I need to carry around. Like plastic frogs in scuba gear, copious amounts of paperwork, perfume, tampons, a book, whatever toy my son has slipped into my bag for safe keeping, various medications, spare change, and lunch. Must also be able to accommodate sons lunch box and art work from the day.

-New bag must be okay with being thrown down, swung over the front seat in a hurry, banged on the elevator, kicked, pulled, and stepped on. And must do it with a smile.

-Must maintains it's looks while being thrown, banged, kicked, pulled and stepped on.

-If new bag should feel the need to quit it's duties, then I need two weeks to thirty days notice. Quitting on the fly is so unprofessional, especially for a professional woman's bag. I don't claim to be a professional, I just have a professional bag as part of my camouflage.

You did what? To a Naked Moll Rat?

2008-01-29T09:11:00.000-08:00

Every now and then when I scan the news a story make me a little uncomfortable. Like this on Yahoo news about a Naked Moll Rat that is resistant to pain.

First of all, where do you even find Naked Moll Rat? So they find this poor naked, cold blooded creature and then what do they decided to do with it? They decide to determine it's pain levels. Doesn't this poor creature have enough problems?

They took him out of his "oxygen starved burrow" in East Africa and threw acid on him. They are hailing this as a big break through for blocking pain in humans.

I'm just saying that is not cool to go after Naked Moll Rats, that's all.

Things that make me go @#$%!!!

2008-01-25T15:05:00.001-08:00

Rolled out of bed at 4:30 AM this morning to get child out of bed who was crying. The reason child was awake was because I apparently did something to his soccer ball, ergo nightmare. Whatever! Child got in bed with us, sleep half-way resumed. Got up and got me and child ready to go for the day. Made lunch and all that crap.

Creeping down 101 this morning and cell phone rings.

AVS: Hello?
Mr. Von Snarky: Did you pack Drew's lunch?
AVS: Yes...why?
Mr. Von Snarky: I looked everywhere and I can't find it.

I look over into my book bad and @#$!!! There is Drew's lunch.

AVS: @#$%!!!, @#$%!!! @#$%!!!
Mr. Von Snarky: It's okay. Can you turn around?

Can I turn around? I can't even go forward at this point the traffic is so bad.

AVS: @#$%!! @#$%!!! I can't believe I took his lunch with me. I will have to get to work and then run it to him at lunch. @#$%!!! @#$%!!! I can't believe I did this!

Mr. Von Snarky was kind enough to make him another lunch so that I didn't have to run it back. It irritates me that I do this. I get everything ready so everyone will have a smooth morning, and then I screw it all up by not paying attention.

I'm just full of expletives this week. I am hoping to sleep this weekend.

You have a good weekend!

Oh Canada!

2008-01-24T11:53:00.001-08:00

One thing you should know about me is that I have never left the country. When we were in San Diego for vacation this past summer Mr. Von Snarky graciously offered to drive me to Tijuana, Mexico. Being shoved across across the border in a hurry was not my idea of having an international experience. We live in California, I have extensively experienced Mexican culture. I love their food, I can get into their music, I love their strength and determination. So going to Mexico does not seem foreign to me.

I have been aching to travel for a very long time. I can't wait to do it. I want to experience lots of different things. Mr. Von Snarky wants us to audition for The Amazing Race. I don't want to rush around the world, I want to see it, smell it, taste it, and revel in it. I want to hear the little stories and backgrounds. I want to wander around the Louvre for a few days. He keeps trying to cheap out on me with traveling. His version of seeing the world is on a beach, warm beach. I think he would be happy if we only went to Hawaii every year. Don't get me wrong, I love the beach, but I want to go to Ireland and see if I can find a Leprechaun.

So this year we are attempting to go to Canada, Vancouver to be specific. However I do not want to fly into Seattle and just drive across the border. I am insisting on an international flight. I am insisting on a stamp in my passport. Before we have another baby, I want to experience another county. Just one, just for four days is fine. I just want to get whet my appetite just a bit. It would do me a world of good. In exchange for Canada, I am willing to go next year to the beach. Belize would be nice ;)

Fresh Start

2008-01-23T14:51:00.000-08:00

Now that everyone is well and marital bliss has been restored, we decided to get the carpets cleaned on Monday. Drew was off from preschool, and I was working from home for MLK day. Now that clean carpets has anything to do with the fight for civil rights. But I was fighting grime.

So this is the first time that I have paid someone to clean our carpets. Normally in the past we have been broke and had to drag home a big monster cleaner from the grocery store that I am convinced does not clean your carpets, but grounds dirt further in. The carpets look so fresh and so clean. I had them do the couch too. Somehow I thought that when they cleaned the couch they would use some magical solution that would smell like a fresh meadow. No such luck. So I am going to have to douse it with Febreze, get my scent on and go from there. It bothers me that the smell never sticks when I use Febreze.

Until then, everyone kindly remove your shoes. I would like to savor the cleanliness for as long as possible.

Say what?

2008-01-21T16:48:00.001-08:00

Everyone is on the mend in the Snarky house. However too much time under one roof and extended illness has worn on me and Mr. Von Snarky.
With so much going on we lost the ability to speak to one another in the same language. I was speaking Crabby Bitch and he was speaking Dickhead all weekend long. It was long weekend of misunderstandings, rude gestures and slammed doors. No matter how hard we tried we just couldn't communicate. It got so bad that I left the house looking forward to being jostled around Trader Joe's searching for food I know they ran out of. I was thinking of running away, for just an hour or so but I couldn't think of anywhere worthwile to go that didn't involve spending lots of money. So I came home determined that I would not speak to Dickhead, that I would keep Crabby Bitch to myself. Last night, Sunday night, we finally started to speak to each other in the same language.
It happens every few months or so, we turn into other people and battle it out til the death, pointing fingers and giving looks that would make fur fall off a cat. This is certainly not the example we want to be setting for our son. Poor thing is so not prepared for when this happens because we don't speak Crabby Bitch and Dickhead on a regular basis. It was so bad the three year old was trying to mediate. And in that moment I went from feeling like a Crabby Bitch to a big jerk.
Everything is returning to normal, we are beginning to see eye to eye again. Thank you for all the lovely get well messages.