The Daily Warrior

A Picture Blog of July 4 2009

2009-07-05T18:02:00.000-07:00

We actually participated in our first community event, a parade. We don't even have a stoplight so our expectations were low. Two other couples joined us and our dear blog buddy Annie was among them. Barb and Jeff had a grandson in the parade with his little league team. So off we went with our folding chairs under our arms. My walker was used as a wheelchair, walker and seat.

Fire being our biggest foe up here in the pines, it all started with new and old fire trucks. This huge horse and mountain cowboy was awesome.

Then there were the old cars and I liked this one because I'd never seen one like it.

Smokey the bear headed up the tractor brigade.

The garden club ladies had a floral float followed by the Veterans. They had old army trucks, jeeps and even had an old PT boat. There were clubs, church groups, a band and karate boy and girls, along with little league kids. Everyone in the parade threw candy. We were impressed.

This is our parade posse. From left, Barb, Annie, her hubby Don, me, Dave and Barb's hubby Jeff.

I heard the word cake walk on the way to our seats and yelled stop... CAKE! Dave, Barb and I walked. I won and these were my prize, a dozen cupcakes!

The wedgie walk was my secret weapon in winning. I had many wardrobe malfunctions that day. Notice my sexy shoulder peasant top look, well to enclose my gut, not to squeeze my 36 bust line, I had to get a medium. My bony shoulders are a small. I yanked it up all day but it made every picture.

Our queen is chosen from our elderly. Barb wants to be a Rose one day.

Starbucks strawberry cream delights were cool treats from Annie and Don. The weather was perfect! I wore big shades because I had been losing control of the left side of my face. I assumed it was ALS but my neurologist is thinking Bell's Palsey.

The cotton candy made the whole parade experience even better. I had kids staring because it wasn't a pretty site.

We ended this wonderful afternoon with a picnic in our garden.

This day was the 70th anniversary of Lou Gehrig's farewell speech from the Yankees. The MLB had every player wear a 4 ALS patch on the 4th. Each 1st base plate will be signed and auctioned off to help find a cure.

Next Sunday we are off to Victoria, BC and to see the grandkids, not to mention meeting my buddy Robbin for the 1st time.

Sunday Scribblings - "Toys"

2009-06-28T13:46:00.000-07:00

I just ordered my early birthday gift, a 4.3lb 14" laptop. This is not a need it's a total want. I have a desktop at the back of the house where it gets stuffy during the summer months. I also have a semi mobile computer in my den to help me when I can no longer type or talk. I'm currently banking my voice on it for when needed. It works by simply blinking my eye's. This new laptop is so I can sit in the garden, TV room or travel and not miss a beat.

Being disabled and living up in the mountains has given me a lot of time on my hands. From 10am to 6pm I am blogging, emailing or playing with my new passion, Facebook. I use my computer's for my journal, social/creative outlets, preparation for my illness and as toys. With my new toy I can do that anywhere. Technology has changed my quality of life and makes me feel less isolated. Here's to toys...cheers!

P.S. I promised Dave that I will cut my computer hours this summer for pool workouts. Some concessions must be made. ;)

Sunday Scribblings - "Vision"

2009-06-20T13:11:00.000-07:00

A Spring Vision

I know that spring remembers me,

she cradles me so gently,

spreading out her bright dress, her arms

reaching out to shade and delight.

I sit in silence, a tree by the creek,

nothing between me and the green moss rock

but the water, and it tumbles hard like rain,

downward, to rest into a calming pool.

I can hear her symphony beckoning

me to her side, the birds

and the water coming together in harmony

a concert to sooth my soul.

Each day I sit beside her, in gratitude,

of her serenity and rebirth. In that

moment I see her luminous light

and she fills me.

I have been neglecting my blog and my friends for over a month. In someways I feel like I have been unfaithful. I have fallen for the ease and fun of Facebook. Many of my blog friends are there too. I play open games of Scrabble with bloggers that can take two days or a week to complete. I can give short status updates (like Twitter) and I have been reunited with junior high and high school pals. I've even had a few over to the house. My ALS pals are there too. We all create virtual farms together or decorate apartments in Yoville. We simply play!

I wanted to figure out how to do both but it's summer and vacation is coming in July. I am determined to do both. I am well and my new computer is up and working. I'm still faster than it is so I'll be using my one finger until I can't. Spring was late this year so the pool is still too cold to workout. My face has lost a wee bit more muscle but I'm still smiling. Happy Spring!

One Single Impression - Tolerance

2009-05-18T16:29:00.000-07:00

(click to really see sunset glow)

Two Haiku on lessons of tolerance given by nature. This was a 30ft creek we built at our mountain home. Little did we know that we were the interlopers up here.

Creating nature

beckons the hungry creatures

bare stems bloom no more

Soothing waters flow

croaking interrupts slumber

build it they will come

http://onesingleimpression.blogspot.com/

Sunday Scribbling - "Disconnected"

2009-05-17T13:20:00.000-07:00

My Battlefield

My brain is in command

of the vessel that holds

my relentless soul

working as a front line to

defend and protect

against the attack of ALS.

Muscles come under fire

not receiving their orders

yet they keep on fighting

to survive day after day

while growing weaker

as others lay dying.

My brain was helpless

as it saw the disconnection

unable to stop progression

a new strategy of bringing in

the heart and soul

held the enemy at bay.

They will always choose to fight

because surrendering

is never an option.

http://korshio.deviantart.com/art/disconnected-109318234
http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/

3WW - Trajectory-nervous-bicker

2009-05-13T17:45:00.000-07:00

Vacations

are a luxury few can afford

but the hubster shan't be ignored

He decides our exotic destination

my job is trajectory formation

Buchart Gardens in Victoria, BC

ending at the Empress Hotel for tea

How to get me from airport to ferry

in a chair with a purse and suitcase to carry

Must get a passport card in a hurry

make all reservations so he won't worry

Can I make it without being seasick

I'm sure taking a some drug will do the trick

I picked a studio suite overlooking the harbour

but if he stresses at crowds it will feel like Pearl-Harbor

We may bicker and stress from point a to point b

but in the end we will see the grandsons, gratefully.

Shall I make him nervous with the final bill?

hell no, I want mementos and to eat at The Grill.

One Single Impression - What's It Like?

2009-05-11T18:40:00.000-07:00

What's It Like?

To awake fearless

living without remorse

unaware of worldly evils

no value of a dollar

wrapped in unconditional love

free to play, run and hide

every need anticipated

new adventures awaiting

every tear kissed away

time is irrelevant.

To be three again, like my grandson TK, looks really good to me. ;)

Sunday Scribbling - Healing

2009-05-09T17:47:00.000-07:00

I had thought I would take a few weeks away from blogging to learn how to use my new computer(types and talks with my eye's). I was surprised at how hard it was to learn in just a few short weeks. It was set up by a rep and she showed me how to bank my voice but I had nothing to refer back to. I could not remember every step so she emailed me a few notes. Neither worked so I asked if there was a navigation manual among the 10 manuals it came with. The answer was a suprising no. I don't give up easily so I tried the trial and error method thatt ended up being mostly errors. At one point I just walked away from it and felt defeated.

What I have kept from my blog friends was the fact that my one typing finger is failing me. Typing double letters in every other word and then editing was just making me dread posting. With posting comes commenting and it all just overwhelmed me. To add to my hurdle's spring was taking forever to arrive and lighten my load. It snowed in April and then rained for days on end. I was losing my determination, missing my blog friends and was still in my winter woollies. So how did I finally heal myself? I'm so glad you asked.

I went on Facebook and discovered many blog friends were there, old friends and new friends. I had my social network going but I had no creative outlet. I could not instant message but I found Farm Town. They gave me a virtual $1000 and a plot of land that I spend hours working on. It was creative procrastination at best but it took me out of my funk. Once I had this beautiful, huge and prosperous farm the sun came looking for me.

I called the rep to come back and she let the company know how displeased I was. I'm starting to use my weights, getting out of the house and planning a vacation. Our gardens are springing to life and I'm in a good place. Yes, I'm still editing but I'm warning you some comments will not get edited. I have decided you must use it or lose it and my mind has been my body's greatest ally.

* To get a bouquet of Tulips create three layers of Tulips and dirt. (Dave gave it a try with three clay pots, one is pictured)

Blogging Sabbatical

2009-04-17T11:50:00.001-07:00

My family dropped in for four days and it was wonderful to have them. I must admit it was also a bit overwhelming because it was a surprise (except for my brother). Dave had to work and get a root canal, lucky him. So he missed a lot of the fun. We had a beautiful sunny snow day with a gorgeous sunset. They were all thrilled to get a touch of mountain life in April.

My oldest daughter Michelle brought her hubby and their dogs Sammy and Max. Movies, Cash Cab, eating and Wii were all we did as the weather put on a show. You MUST watch Cash Cab on the discovery channel. It's a triva gameshow inside a cab in New York city, with unsuspecting passengers. I also had my computer rep out here for more training. Whew!

My daughter and I got to bond a bit, which we had not done in awhile. Her new job was put on hold AFTER she re-located. Hence the free time for a surprise visit. She job hunted online for a short term job and got a few hits on her visit here. My kid's don't have Internet access and that's how to find jobs in 2009. She felt comfortable in my home for the first time in five years. Her and Dave have a relationship now that works. They tease each other terribly and he steps aside to allow her to be a caregiver when she wants to. Not to mention she also has fallen for my cozy mountain retreat.

I sit here staring at my new computer and I'm intimidated to play with it. There is so much to learn to be able to blog, FB and voice bank. I need to just take some time to do it. So I am taking a blog sabbatical. I will not be commenting but I'll read my Bloglines every morning. I'll Twitter and FB update on my progress. I'm anxious to get outside on my computer and be able to do all my stuff. Wish me luck as I brave a new frontier.

Have a Wonderful Easter Weekend!

2009-04-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

It has finally snowed on the dogwoods,

the clouds are drifting away

the sky has become blue as the sea.

Welcome spring

as you touch the bare branches

with your sweet pink kisses.

The sun has begun beckoning

the tulips to unfurl,

still damp from winters last cry.

Every sacrifice

to winters call has been resurrected.

It is time for rejoicing!

Dave and I will be having a quiet Easter holiday in the mountains. Australia and Cadillac Records are here for movie night. I'll be adding "Tammy phrases" to my new eyegaze computer and Dave will be planting his Becks summer bulbs. We will indulge in Dove's chocolate bunnies, buttered popcorn and juicy rib eyes. Enjoy your weekend!

Thankful Thursday - Sacrifice

2009-04-09T13:31:00.000-07:00

I am grateful for the sacrifice Dave has made by choosing to marry me despite my prognosis. Having retirement stripped away by the housing market and having to get another job as a custodian. Sacrificing fishing and gardening to cook, do laundry and grocery shop on his weekends. Hustling me to doctor appointments in between everything else. That is sacrificial love.

I am grateful for the sacrifices of our armed forces, police forces, firemen, paramedics and border patrols. They sacrifice their lives to keep our country safe. That is sacrificial love.

I have chosen to go down a long and tough road with a full heart for my family and friends. I will never give up because God has remained by my side. His sacrifice is one I will never take for granted. He is my definition of sacrificial love.

HAVE A BEAUTIFUL EASTER

One Single Impression - Listening Haiku

2009-04-07T12:54:00.000-07:00

Tree branches thrashing

pitter pat across rooftop

squirrels having spring fling

http://onesingleimpression.blogspot.com/

Sunday Scribblings - Celebrate

2009-04-04T16:27:00.000-07:00

What am I celebrating in my life right now? That I am alive, pain free and in a very good place in my life. I feel an awakening deep inside of me that is exciting and full of possibilities.

I had what I thought was a follow up visit with my new Neurologist. What we discovered when we arrived was not just my doctor, but a whole team that will be dedicated to my care. Can you even imagin this, all in one clinic? UC Davis now has a new ALS clinic and I am a part of it

The ALS association was there and I was allowed to offer up ideas to make next year's ALS Walk bigger and better( media,media,media). I was able to offer myself in any capacity, as a face of ALS. They listened and I hope to play a part in raising awareness. I gave them my blog that shows Sarah's video, made in the UK (link to it is at the end of this post. I wanted them to see what a powerful campaign could look like. I will do whatever it takes to help.

The MDA was there to offer $2000 for a chair if I ever needed one and $500/yr for any repairs. That includes my new computer. Yes, it's here and I will start my training Wednesday. I will be able to blog, voice bank and speak, with just my eye's. It even comes with other voices you can speed up or slow down for that sexy twist. I'll use it on Dave "hey big boy wanna get me a drink sometime" in the sexiest of tones.

They had speech therapy, occupational therapy, hand therapy, psych, physical therapy and Orthotics. We had people in and out of our room for quite a bit. Then my doctor arrived and all I could say is WOW. I have a team that, every 6mos due to slow progression, will give me a better quality of life. That is amazing BUT not everyone with ALS can use this clinic. I plan on addressing that on my next visit. Health care should be for everyone.

This doctor has made all pain and discomfort disappear. I believe in drugs for side effects caused by ALS, but on my terms. Many do not want to take drugs and manage pain in their own way. I will only take drugs at night so I am not drowsy when awake. I'm migraine and muscle cramp free, I still am able to walk due to muscle relaxers at night and I sleep deeply. I'm drug sensitive so he goes slow and listens. I was even able to drop a drug because the new one takes care of multiple issues.

Skin cell research is joining in the race for a cure. Stem cell research has taken the lead but it's a good thing to have another option in the race. Skin cell research would use your own skin cells but the research is farther behind. The most important point here is that there is a race for a cure. Woot Woot! I am living in the present but seeing a brighter future ahead. That is something to celebrate in my book. Hey, if I ever wrote a book my story would get its happy ending after all. :)

Sarah's ALS campaign video: http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/educational_and_howto/watch/v17908360hQ9esDsQ#
http://ambyleigh.deviantart.com/art/Celebrate-75611206
http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/

I Love Faces Friday

2009-04-03T19:37:00.000-07:00

Our grandson Ethan holding his little brother Warrick. He protects and loves his little brothers. :) I've had a hectic week but I'll be by your blogs this weekend. Happy Friday!

Thankful Thursday!

2009-04-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

I joined Thankful Thursday because it's a wonderful thing to focus on the gifts in each new day. I'm going to count my blessings every week on my blog. It will help me to remember all the wonderful things I have in my life and help me during the tough times. It's simply good for the soul.

* I'm grateful that my new computer mount finally arrived and that the rep will be here Wednesday.

*I'm grateful that I get to wake each morning to a smile and a "good morning."

*I'm grateful that I have a new ALS specialist that will give me hope and a better quality of life. ( I see him tomorrow)

*I'm grateful to Sarah for helping to bring awareness to ALS aka MND in my post below. See how they made it http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/educational_and_howto/watch/v17908360hQ9esDsQ# 2
*I'm grateful that Dave's mom Ruth was healthy for her 85th birthday on Tuesday.

*I'm grateful we are making it in this economy and could afford taxes.

*I'm grateful that a chest cold quickly came and went this week under Dave's care.

*I'm grateful my friend Robbin took a leap of faith by re-locating and for being cancer free.

*I'm so very grateful for the love of a good man.

See other posts of gratitude here:
http://womentakingastand.blogspot.com/2009/04/thankful-thursdayhope.html

Sarah's Own ALS Campaign Video

2009-03-29T15:59:00.000-07:00

This was made by another ALS survivor, Sarah. She is the woman in the video. This is hard to watch but its power may help bring a cure. Thank you Sarah!

Sunday Scribblings - Aging

2009-03-28T13:21:00.000-07:00

Look a Little Closer

You will see grey hair

shining in the sun

wisdom earned though a

meaningful lifetime.

You will see a lined forehead

full of emotion

opening vertical blinds

letting me shine.

You will see crinkles at my eye's

accenting my face

quoting years of many

happy times?

You will see crevices in my smile

punctuating every word

a bright composition

of contentment.

Look a little closer at all the lines

that frame my face

a portrait of a good life

left unfinished.

http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/

I Love Faces Friday - "No Flash"

2009-03-27T17:18:00.000-07:00

This week it's my 3yr old grandbaby TK (Tuni Kitkawu). His eye's are blue and lashes long but my heart is drawn to the black and white. You can join in at http://iheartfaces.blogspot.com/

3WW - Earnest,layer,reactive

2009-03-25T14:58:00.000-07:00

Unbreakable

When people would ask me what my favorite season was I'd say spring, in earnest. Winter was cold and wet, summer was hot and inconvenient and fall was both. In the winter the bitter cold would seep into my muscles making me stiff as a corpse, afraid of falling. In the summer the heat would transform my body into a rag doll making everything an effort. Since moving to the mountains my body has changed my mind.

Winter is very cold and yet the trees are powdered with snow. It's as if I live in a snow globe called home and rarely venture out. The wood stove is always going and I happily hibernate in my cosy world. Summer and fall blend into one season as bright colors change to hues of gold and red. A kaleidoscope that beckons me out into the long cool days. Swimming, traveling and playing while strengthening my body. Refilling my energy for the winter ahead. The trees cover me throughout the days keeping me cool, with a pine scented breeze, and I am happy.

In spring I am like the daffodils covered by layer after layer of dirt and late snow. Weakened by my cosy hibernation I must fight my way to the sun. My body has been hibernating and is not as reactive as last fall. Spring is the start of my new year, where I must cautiously build back my strength. It brings hope and promise, along with some hard work, that makes every season my favorite. I will break through and thrive, for I am unbreakable.

http://threewordwednesday.wordpress.com/

http://rylanisthecoolest.deviantart.com/art/Unbreakable-95424247

Sunday Scribblings - "I come from..."

2009-03-21T16:06:00.000-07:00

I come from a place of tranquility that flows from one day into the next. I have come to learn patience beyond my comprehension. The hard edges of me have been smoothed over with empathy and compassion. I have come to let go of my fears, as God walks by my side, giving me his hand when I stumble. I am grateful to have come to a place in my life where I can trust and love again.

I have come to know that friends can become your family and you are not defined by your birth family. I have accepted that I did the best I knew how as a parent and my children are their own persons. I come from a place where boundaries are not selfish but necessary. Listening to that little voice, that I used to shove aside, is always the right answer. I come from a place where asking for help is not a weakness. It allows others to be blessed by giving.

I come from a place of contentment and gratefulness for the journey that brought me here to today.

http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/

I Love Faces Friday - "Green"

2009-03-19T16:05:00.000-07:00

I can see an average photograph and zoom in on a whole different shot. I crop, lighten, darken and saturate until I get my own shot. Being able to grab quick candid shots is nearly impossible for me. My arms don't lift and I shake when I try, from the ALS. I'm not into macro, like hubby so a tripod doesn't fit my needs. I love the faces of children, mainly my grandson's. They don't live close so I depend on their mommies to provide my canvases.

I joined the "I Love Faces" network. I can't join in their prompt contests because I didn't take the picture. Normally I'd say "so what" and enter anyway, but there is prize money involved. I do not feel an exception should be made here. I will just play along and visit other face fanatics like me. To view this sight check out my side bar.

This is my youngest grandson Warrick as Yoshi. TGIF

Monday Photo Shoot/ OSI - Winter's Farewell

2009-03-16T13:27:00.000-07:00

(Click to view details)

Farewell to Winter

Farewell to the white blanket

that covered my active mind in quiet

serenity

Farewell to the joy of Christmas

that sprinkled colors with loving family

sentiment

Farewell to another year gone by

that opened our eyes to power's greed and

hope

Farewell to the cosy wood stove

that wrapped me completely in its warming

peace

Farewell to the billowing storms

That made trees shimmy in rhythmic

delight

Farewell to the melting snow

that strewed diamonds on branches

glistening

http://ellipsissuddenlycarly.blogspot.com/2009/03/ellipsis-monday-photo-shoot-29-winter.html

http://onesingleimpression.blogspot.com/2009/03/prompt-55-farewells.html

Sunday Scribbling - "Dear Past Me, Dear Future Me"

2009-03-14T15:14:00.000-07:00

PAST

Dear Tammy,

I'm not here to tell you your future. I am here to give you advise from the only one you trust, you. Please be kinder to your mom because she really does know what she's talking about. Stay close to your brother because despite how he acts he needs you. Your grandparents will love you unconditionally so please do the same. They deserve your devotion. If you make a mistake please say you're sorry and always forgive, including yourself.

Please don't allow people into your life unless they bring you a nurturing and balanced relationship. There are many people that are takers and will use you. Be vigilant. Study and excel in school, you will need that education. Never forget you are worthy and have a purpose for being here. Don't buy into peer pressure for you will be lead astray, I promise you! Sex and drugs can be the death of you. Keep your body strong and healthy, you will need it. I will give you one taste of the future that will make it all worth it. You will have that great love you've always dreamed of.

FUTURE

Dear Tammy,

I hope this letter finds you cured of ALS and restored to normal function. Remember each day all of the people who have supported, comforted, contributed, loved and prayed for you. I know you will pay it forward in spades. I hope that you are showing Dave everyday how much he means to you. You do tend to forget but don't! He believed in you and a cure even when you had doubts. Remember if things get tough his love will carry you through. He signed up for this gig so no guilt! You are lucky to be here, so live like there is no tomorrow. Take your mistakes and lessons learned, to live with purpose and joy. Keep writing no matter what!

http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/

3WW - Cajole - Recluse - Temper

2009-03-11T15:24:00.000-07:00

When I was raising my girl's, as a single mom with ALS, I had to learn fast on my feet. Don't show them fear, don't make them do too much, continue life as if normal and deal with being stared at. I dealt with it all to the best of my ability for 13yrs. My oldest, Michelle, however has quite a temper and is very protective. If anyone stared or god forbid took a disable seat at the movies, she'd find a way to make everyone squirm. This started at about nine years old and continues at twenty five. I tried to explain why it happens and that it doesn't bother me but she never faltered. I saw it as curiosity and ignorance, but they were strangers. I did not look "disabled" back then, I was still somewhat attractive and I was young. Shoot, I'd stare too.

Fast forward 10yrs to happily married, looking disabled, more wrinkles and slowly becoming a recluse. I'm very happy in my world and cyberspace. So then why am I terrified to attend my 30yr high school reunion? My friends Lisa has tried to cajole me into going, yet understands. I have also re-connected with classmates on Facebook that maybe going. So what am I afraid of you ask, oh, you didn't ask, well I'll tell you anyway.

I was a cheerleader, a party girl and my senior year I made the yearbook as class flirt. Need I say more. These classmates are not, for the most part, strangers. If they all knew that I had ALS it would be easier, but most don't. Even if I wore a t-shirt that said "I'm not drunk I have ALS" many don't even know what ALS is. If they come by the table to say hi, walker tucked away, will they think I'm rude for not jumping up for a hug or just a drunken classmate too rude to mingle. People who know me now don't pity me so how will I deal with that flash across those faces. You know the look "is that Tammy? how sad."

Let's face facts, they all got older and we probably won't recognize each other anyway. I'm leaning towards going and enjoying my friends. I'll try and look fabulous and remember it's just curiosity. I could mingle wearing my cheerleader outfit holding a brewski. They won't ask what's wrong with me so I'll just act like I do this type of event regularly. If I go I'll go as me! If I don't go call me a big ole chicken!

http://fishcam.deviantart.com/art/Different-21245720
http://threewordwednesday.wordpress.com/

Ellipsis Monday Photo Shoot- Black & White

2009-03-09T17:03:00.000-07:00

We have four beautiful grandsons. TK (below) is my youngest daughter's son and he is 3. I am always touching, kissing or holding him. He loves it for now so I'm taking advantage of it. TK is so full of personality and charm. Black and white strips the world away for me and tells a story.
I'm always noticing hands in photographs, especially my own. They do not straighten any longer but instead curl around little hands. (A few haiku for emphasis.)

I can't get enough

you are intoxicating

I see who you are

A moment of joy

captured without distractions

heartfelt memory

A child's wonder

innocence changed forever

learning we can see

These are Dave's daughters sons. Ethan is 7, Dimitri is 4 and Warrick is 14mos. The black and white shows me so much more about them on that day. Mom needed a Christmas card photo and with some cajoling got this shot. I made it black and white because I see the protective brother, the shy one and the wiggle worm. Grandkids are my favorite subjects for B & W. I'm also not as scary without make up. :)

See other B&W entries all week at http://ellipsissuddenlycarly.blogspot.com/