Dice Six

In Hong Kong you would.....

2009-03-17T09:11:00.003+08:00

Gangster1- Triad, originally uploaded by Lloyd W.

Who does not remember Mel Gibson and Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon? The chaos cop and the orderly cop have been an entertaining combo in the late nineties. But do you also remember the villains? The villain I remember the most from this franchise was Jet Li with his dagger looks. I especially recall the scene where he has a quiet but intense disagreement with his triad boss uncle Benny. He then stares down at him and calmly says in Chinese: “In Hong Kong you would be dead!”

My reaction was: “Oooooh! Mufasa!” But then I wondered: Why so? During that time I didn’t live in Hong Kong nor had I ever been there before. Now that I actually live in Hongkers I still do not know the answer to that question.

Hong Kong has one of the lowest crime rates in Asia. But Jet Li made it sound like there are armed triads lurking in every dark shadow, ready to jump at you and make you smoke cheap opium. The worst thing I’ve seen in a shadowy corner was stinky tofu which has been marinating there for maybe one or two decades. And the tattooed people who look like triad low-lives seem to be very focused PSP players, ambitioned DVD sellers and according to the government poor ketamine addicts who have neither a proper control over their bladder nor over their bowels. I therefore tried my own, more truthful awe inspiring versions of “In Hong Kong” phrases.

In Hong Kong the people are so good in Math; they only have calculators to make you feel good.
In Hong Kong there is no sleep only stand-by.
In Hong Kong your phone is always outdated. If not then you must be Japanese.
In Hong Kong you must have no mercy. Press the damn close button in elevators. Slow people have the time to take the stairs.
In Hong Kong you must learn how to dodge flying nail clippings while riding the bus.
In Hong Kong even the maids have Luis Vitong bags
In Hong Kong girls can survive on a teaspoon of mango pudding and a monthly 50 free SMS subscription for a whoooole day.
In Hong Kong looking natural means you have no money for makeup.
In Hong Kong 15°C indoors is way too hot. Sweat can only be fought efficiently when it already freezes inside your skin.
In Hong Kong you would be deaf!

Guess Who's Moving In?

2009-03-13T17:32:00.004+08:00

big comfy couch, originally uploaded by jwlphotography.

There are some people who own slices of burned toast resembling Elvis. There are also some people who have acquired a five pound white truffle. And there is moi who has de facto managed to entertain a good relationship with her ex. It’s a masterpiece actually. He’s still part of the family and my little sister still thinks she has a right to demand chocolate gifts from him for her good will.

It’s amazing how we stayed in each other’s lives even after the relationship ended. My parents still give him the too huge portions of rice whenever he drops by and we talk about trends, movies and bitch about celebrities who deserve to be banished to another hell dimension in steel pants. Come to think of it, he’s the elder fab lesbian geek sister I never had.. except that he’s male, a Chin-Viet, bristly (hair, face and personality) and would look totally un-kawaii in ringed knee socks.

So it should come as no surprise that when my parents decided to move to the Philippines (that's another story) they made the suggestion for him to move in with my sister so she won't be alone and could save money. Better it's somebody from the family, they reckoned.

Problem was to explain this to his brand new girl-friend who is Chinese, non-geek, straight (hair, style and sexual orientation) and who would look cute in ringed knee socks. Now the problem with the new girl-friend is well.. she's new and does not know our jolly troupe yet and therefore probably will, like many others, have the tendency to think in clichéd patterns. As following words will prove.

"What? But she's the sister of your ex?" (*Note: We split up almost 6 years ago, I'm a married woman who uses cheat codes in every game and he likes Tony Braxton and bought braces/ suspenders because he thinks they're trendy. See what I am saying?)

"Yup," he admitted "she is the sister of my ex. But see it this way: You will benefit from this as well. I live closer to your place and sleep-overs would be much easier.... etc." She relented and my sister later complimented him on his negotiating skills. "No." he said dismissively "I did not negotiate. I only clarified my position. I do not negotiate with Chinese." *insert bristly gruffy looking face here*

Anyhow my sis is happy. Not only won't she be alone and safe money, but as she has so delicately put it: "I will also have access to a 50 inch flat screen, a PS3 and an Xbox.Whoopiii!"

Some matches are made in heaven.

Hong Kong? Rude?

2009-03-11T16:55:00.004+08:00

Hong Kong, originally uploaded by bartpogoda.

After you have lived in Hong Kong for a while you will ask yourself the inevitable question: Are Hong Kong people rude? Or to be more precise: Are Hong Kong people less courteous?

My simple definition of courtesy is doing small nice things for people no matter if they are strangers. That includes standard gestures such as opening the door for people, offering elderly people your seat in the MTR or telling the woman in front of you on the escalator that she forgot to remove the price tag from her Uniqlo shirt.

I am pretty sure that Hong Kong people have a similar idea of courtesy. If you have ever been out with your Hongki friends for some Dim Sum you notice the pouring of the tea into each other’s cups and the putting of the hargow into each other’s bowls. They do it because it’s nice and probably because you suck at grabbing squidgy chicken feet with your chopsticks, endangering the light fabric wearers at your table

But we all heard the stories and experienced them ourselves:

People pressing the close button of the elevator while you are rushing toward it and they’re starring you right in the eye.
You already have hardened stomach lining due to the many elbows which have made friendly contact with your abdomen in the MTR.
The woman in bus with the 130 decibel Giordano voice who dictates her last meal into her mobile phone while clipping her nails.
Funky sounding burps from tanned construction workers who do not know how to wear shirts properly. (Poor things think they have to roll up the hem up and tuck it under the fold of their man tits… if available)

And as expat you just snort snidely, try to lower your blood pressure and think: “How rude!”.

Or….

Or maybe Hong Kong’s just jaded. I mean, there’s nothing such as a 30 hour working week, a sack of rice has gotten more expensive than a well made Gucci fake. Additionally Hong Kong’s population density is equal to an E. coli colony in a Shenzhen toilet. We are getting more by the minute. One method to not go gaga is to keep to yourself and pretend you’re the only organism in this big loo. We are all a bit overworked, no energy to smile at each other. And if somebody in Hong Kong smiles at us we only react sympathetic to following demographic groups:

toddler : “It's dressed in a panda/pig/tigger costume. Aww.”
ancient: “Uhm, I haven't finished my newspaper yet, but sure you can have it, you cute little troll with long earlobes.”

Strangely these are the ones that who’s gender’s you really cannot tell apart, who cannot eat solid food and are of no threat because they can’t take your rice away. Those are the ones you give your seat in the MTR.

All the smilers from the other demographics have hidden issues, lurking behind the corner of their smiles just to prey on us. They’re potential money earners = competition = evil rice eaters. Better press the close button. Quickly!

Review on Froggy Diver PADI Theory Class or How I Proved that My Attention Span Can Be Stretched

2009-03-09T13:23:00.004+08:00

Froggy Diver Course 2, originally uploaded by dicesix.

As promised in my earlier post here's a review about Froggy Diver. Just made it through theory so far. We'll be diving in two weeks and I'll write a review about that as well.

The Froggy Diver Center is located in a small building in Tsim Sha Tsui. It consists of a small office, small shop, small kitchen, small balcony, very small classroom and smells of dog. Well two larger dogs actually (a German shepherd mix and something that looks like chubby Golden Retriever). The dogs are actually the only thing of bigger size in the venue. You might encounter them in the hall in the shop, even during class. They’ll wink at you or lift their chin approvingly, curl up in a corner and fall asleep. They’re pretty well behaved, chilled out and don’t jump up on you.

Everything at Froggy is so laid back that orderliness has not much to say in these 4 walls. My Monk husband was probably silently freaking out by all the clutter and the ancient carpet that consisted of 80% dog hair. But since I was a creature of chaos myself I considered this all quite likable. It reminded me of these cluttered apartments shared by surfers. Marketing- and aesthetic-wise the whole facility was a disaster. Nevertheless you immediately got the feeling that “it” did not care since it only cared for diving.

Elizabeth owner of the shop and instructor was just like her dogs: Nice, calm, a bit bleary and uncomplicated. She tried to accommodate all our schedule wishes and gave us a 40% discount on the diving gear since we were now students at her diving shop. She also offered us a ride for the dives which will be in Sai Kung.

We wanted to save time and decided to do the theory part in one sitting and do the exam on the same day. My friend H. for instance did theory and the confined water dives together on two Saturdays. Well, to be able to finish theory in one day we had to read the PADI learning manual at home. With the review/ homework you will probably need ca. 3 hours/ chapter, 5 chapters total. It’s not difficult to learn all the stuff since a lot of it is common sense. The quick questions through out the chapters already indicate what will be important for the exam. If you want to save time then focus on those quick questions and you’ll probably pass the exam just so. The exam consists of 50 multiple choice questions and you’ll need 75% to pass.

Now theory: People who followed my Twitter that day will know that I and my butt suffered. Elizabeth estimated that it would take 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. to finish theory and the exam. The class room part is basically structured like the book. We’ll get to watch PADI documentaries which cover the same topic/ chapters in the book. After having watched a chapter Elizabeth would review everything important in a power point presentation. Then we’d have to take a quiz with 10 multiple choice questions. As you can see most of the stuff is pretty repetitive. But because of that important stuff will stick to your brain like a thirsty leech.

Well, we were out by 8 p.m. It was partly to the fact that some of the class mates still needed to do their chapter reviews although they had to be done at home or some needed longer for the quizzes. After the exam we had to buy diving masks because it was the only equipment Froggy will not rent to us since it was to fit well and snugly.

Fazit: The hardest thing during such a power session is not amount of knowledge you’ll encounter but to stay awake yet this is probably related to any diving theory class. If you decide to take the course at Froggy’s I really advice you to read the book in advance. Elizabeth seems to be competent but although she does not look like it, she’s more of a diver than a teacher. She’ll gladly explain you things if you have any questions, but because English is not her mother tongue there might be a risk misunderstanding each other. I also found that as the teaching day progressed her explanations became more hectic.

Nevertheless it was still ok and everybody in our class (Total: 5 people) passed the exam.

H. Has A Say About the PADI Diving License in Hong Kong

2009-03-06T14:47:00.001+08:00

P1000751, originally uploaded by Aimlessli.

Here's another helpful review my friend H. wrote me through facebook. He went to the diving company Splash HK. I've picked up this name on several expat forums and they seem to have a good reputation. H. gave me a good idea what to expect and explained to me why learning how to dive in Hong Kong (although the water's murky) has its advantages. Here we go:

>>It's so good hearing from you and even better hearing that you are thinking of getting your Open Water Diving License ;) Diving is a wonderful experience and once you get your license; there are now no limits to which you explore the underwater world :)

So there are two ways in which you can get your PADI Open Water Certification:
1) You can do it for cheap in Thailand or the Philippines or
2) You can do it here in HK but it will definitely cost you.

I chose to do mine in HK. The reason for that was because it was out of not only convenience but also because of its recognition. If you do your course in countries like Thailand or the Philippines who have a record of not training students very well, it is not uncommon to be asked to retrain when you go diving in other countries like Australia.

I have met a few diving instructors whilst on travel before who have confirmed the shoddiness of some of these training centres in SE Asia. If you really only want to dive in SE Asia I guess that would be okay but since diving is quite serious and not just a game, I decided to pay more for peace of mind. Getting your license is a great experience so either way, it is up to you where you do your course.

I did mine with a company called Splash HK. The guys at Splash are great! Just ask for a guy named Darren -- he runs the place and is really cool. With Splash HK, I did it over two weekends where each Saturday you do pool and theory work at South Island High School and then Sundays you are out in Sai Kung diving in the ocean :) I must admit is quite time consuming but you don’t get something for nothing.

Diving is really easy and they really do teach you everything. All of it is pretty repetitive but all they are trying to teach you is how not to panic. The theory is kinda tiresome as you have to do loads of it in your spare time before the weekend classes but once you get your license, you never have to worry about it again ;) Here is Splash HK’s website will all the details including cost on it.

http://www.splashhk.com/owd.html

All the best with your course, guys. You are doing it at the right time too -- just before summer! :) Once you guys get your license, let's all go diving together!<<

Things I would have never done if hadn’t moved to Hong Kong: PADI Open Water Dive

2009-02-28T10:53:00.012+08:00

Wheeee!!!!, originally uploaded by graspnext.

(For all those I haven't tagged in FB for this post: Either you do not live in HK or I believed that either you are probably not interessted or have a diving license already. Usually my judgement is pretty good.... especially during months ending with -y or -er)

Hong Kong basically lies in the heart of Asia and is therefore surrounded by countries known to harbour wonderful beaches. Germany on the other hand is mostly surrounded by landmasses with countries on it where all foreign movies are dubbed…. except the Netherlands.

It only makes sense that learning how to dive doesn’t make much sense in Germany. I imagine that diving in the coastal areas in Germany is like an advertisement for a toilet cleaner: Not really interesting and you can’t see shit.

In Asia though I believe you get to see fishies and corals as gaudy as an animated kids movie in Technicolor (that or you’ve got too much nitrous oxide in your breathing tank). You’ll get to be immerged in nature’s most colourful creation surrounded by funny floating creatures without ever resulting to ecstasy. Nevertheless you’ll need a diving license.

There are several accepted licenses from different diving associations. The most well-known are probably the PADI Licenses (=Professional Association of Diving Instructors). PADI is most likely the VISA of diving licenses – mostly accepted by all diving schools.

Hubby and I have opted for the PADI Open Water Diving license. It’s a beginner license and allows you to go on dives up to 18 meters deep with a diving buddy.

To acquire the license you’ll have to go through 3 modules:

five theory lectures -- can be completed in 9 hours
five enclosed water dives (e.g. a pool) -- can be completed within a day depending on the school
four open water dives -- can also be completed within a day depending on the school.

The modules are splittable meaning that you could finish theory and the enclosed water dives at your local school, get a referral and finish your PADI course by doing the open water dive at a school in Koh Samui while you’re on vacation. We were actually planning to do that for our Easter vacation in Boracay but we found out that it was more expensive. We have checked with two Hong Kong diving schools recommended by a friend: Froggy Diver and Pro Dive. For a list of other schools in Hong Kong click here.

Version (original plan):
a. Theory + exam+ enclosed water diving at Froggy Diver school in Hong Kong: HKD 2000 (ca. USD 258)
b. Open Water at a Boracay diving school: USD 250
***The schools in Boracay require the pic card to finish the PADI course: Diving schools in Boracay offer pic cards for USD 70, Froggy in HK offers the pic card for HKD 150 (ca. USD 20) , but will wave it if you sign up as a group of min. 2 people
= Total cost ca. HKD 3900 (ca. USD 510)
Version (preferred):
a. Entire PADI Open Water course at Froggy Diver school in Hong Kong: HKD 3050 = ca. USD 390 (incl. learning material, equipment, PADI pic card)

We have chosen Froggy Diver because when I called there I had a Chinese woman on the phone called Elizabeth. Her English was good and her knowledge about the program was even better. If you sign up in a group of min. 2 people Froggy Diver will waive the fee for the pic card and you can set up your own schedule since the courses listed on the website are mostly in held Cantonese.

The guy at Pro Dive could not give me more precise information except the price of the course (more expensive than Froggy). He said he had to talk to an instructor and would call me back the next day. Never happened.

I will later write a review about Froggy Diver and if it was any good. We will start our PADI course sometime at the beginning of March. So stay tuned.

One more thing: We might get a better discount as a bigger group. If you are interessted to join us please let me know before 3. March. Here would be our rough schedule:

Timeframe from 4-8. March: Pick up learning material, payment, final discussion about schedule
Timeframe from 9-15 March: Studies and Theories
The school told us that if our English is good we can study at home; later submit the homework and do the exam at the school
Weekend 21/22 March: Diving (enclosed & open water) at Sai Kung Diving station

My Way Of Saying: Thanks For Being There

2009-02-25T20:07:00.005+08:00

Tomodachi, originally uploaded by Cimoetz.

There is that time every few moons where you just stand still and look back. You wonder if there is still enough material for Sex In The City 2, speculate how long the financial crisis will cause the price of salmon to rise, notice that Brad's Angie is getting "lean-a" and less jolie and admit that you, no matter how hard you try, will never get off chocolate.

You also realize that for weeks you have been recovering.... recovering from your last vacation Germany, because it was just great and you hear a melancholic Barbara Streisand singing whenever you reminisce.

Ok, Germany might make you think of Tom Cruise and an eye patch or well made cars. But Germany used to be something I wanted to move away from since I thought it was a drab, dreary, pollen- and Big-Brother infested country. Now I've got to admit that I like it, no I miss it.

Although a bit upstage, people can be nice and helpful, who are more relaxed, who won't ring you during the evening news unless it's really necessary and who go to bed by 10:30. In hectic Hong Kong even children won't go to bed before 11 p.m. since they have to wait until the stock market in Sao Paolo closes. No wonder Hongkers are a bit bitchy and can't walk in a straight line.

But I like Germany mostly because of the people who bother to make time for me although they just see me once a year. Those are the people I can call around midnight even if nobody died and it's not their birthday. They clearly qualify as family and/or friends. Beside Apple stocks family and friends are the best assets you can get. And unlike stocks I have those friends for a very long time despite the long distance.... or precisely 9161 km linear distance from Germany to Hong Kong.

So I look back and see that a Hong Kong bakery managed to make decent almond-apple danish rounds which are sold for a paltry HKD 7.5/pc and I am surrounded by people who still care for a jet-lagged and sometimes anaemic old friend from Hong Kong who's German has devolved a bit.
Yeah, life is good.

All Ye Changeful

2009-01-21T09:52:00.001+08:00

IMG_5498, originally uploaded by lindsey swanson.

My body must know that it will be subjected to colder temperatures in the coming days since my legs are literately sticking to the ceramic heater although it's 20°C outside. Maybe it is trying to store more heat for Germany (-4 to 7 °C by the way)

At least my heart got warmed up a little by the thousands and thousands of freezing Americans who waited for hours in the cold to see their new president being sworn in.

A little warmth and a little hope is a good way to start the day.... and it's a good day to leave a sort of skittish Hong Kong. America has a new president and the Hongki Tonks be it Expats or locals are getting ready for Chinese New Year.

It indeed feels like the beginning of something noteworthy like a journey. Well literally for me it is a journey.

The Return Home

2009-01-20T12:11:00.006+08:00

Right now my brain is just screaming "Maaaaaaaaaaaah", a very immature way to express impatience. According to my countdown it's 1 day and 7 hours until I can leave for Germany. Don't know why I actually installed a countdown widget on my iGoogle page. I must have thought it would make the anticipation more enjoyable... but *meeep* no.

Although I'm not very fond of the cold.....

(Quote from Germany: "Oh, It's not that cold anymore but more moist instead. It makes the cold creep into your joints.")

..... I can't wait to see my family and my friends.

Last time I was too much of a jet lagged mess to even help out with the dishes at my parents place. It seemed that my engergy gauge was directly linked to the temperature which was barely above zero last year.

But I've made some preparations: I have packed a lot of vitamin pills and some sleeping pills so the jet lag won't drain me as much. I'm watching German tabloid shows to be up to date again and I even lost weight so that my Filipino Godmother won't have the chance to say that I got fat.

I feel like I'm ready.

Eeeezy-Breezy-Freezy-Meezy

2009-01-14T22:47:00.002+08:00

Keiner soll frieren, originally uploaded by Blickdicht.

My first post in 2009... wow. It's just fitting that it's also my sister's birthday today.

Happy Birthday, you little muffin! (You know what the pic refers to)

Oh my, I can't wait to see my family and friends again. Chinese New Year is just a few days away and that means that our trip to Germany is close as well.

Currently Germany is experiencing the coldest winter since the early eighties (-15 °C). And in one week we'll be flying to Fridgermany. During my daily skype sessions with my sister I constantly inquire about the weather: "How many layers of clothes will I have to wear, you reckon?"

I have to confess that Hong Kong has weakend my resistence against cold weather. It was around 9 degrees this morning and I was contemplating about drinking a bottle of tabasco before leaving the flat. But I had to toughen up for Germany somehow.

The most popular German way is the Kneipp therapy named after the monk Sebastian Kneipp. Basically it's waddeling through very cold water. It was said that Kneipp himself walked through freezing mountain creeks which made him as healthy as a horse.

The only thing that's going to be healthy with that method is my right big toe.

Nah, I prefer to layer up until I look like a padded turnip and until the core (that's me) is all warm and toasty... my movements might remind people of a sumo in a fat suit... but hey, vanity evaporates under super cold temperatures.

A Now Thought

2008-12-29T22:52:00.003+08:00

ways I, originally uploaded by pfn.photo.

Isn't it amazing,
   that when tilting your head
   a little
   how
   a little bit more
   interesting
   minor things
become.

Macau Christmas Holiday

2008-12-26T23:39:00.004+08:00

Macau Christmas Holiday from dicesix on Comiqs

What should be mentioned (in no particular order)

It's cheaper to shop in Hong Kong than in Macau
If you fall asleep in a Casino it takes the Venetian security around 15 minutes to spot you, send someone down to the casino and shoo you away
Bacarat is a weird game
I ate too much
Zaia of Cirque du Soleil is only interessting if you're close enough to see the muscle definition of the dancers
I think I gained two kilogramms just from the buffet marathon
I got yelled at by an Indian Westcoast Gangster at the minigolf course
I suck at minigolf

Current Status Update

2008-12-21T16:01:00.002+08:00

Project Paper
Still 2000 words to go
Deadline: 2 days from now.....
*Eeeeeeek*
Marketing Management Exam
Have not started studying yet
Exam's on 10. January
Enough time to slack, panic and to totally freak-out

The New One

2008-11-20T20:55:00.004+08:00

Tokyo - harajuku, originally uploaded by tr[n]ty.

Finally I'm fashionable again. After weeks and weeks envying my friends who were able to update their facebook profiles via fancy mobile phones, Kar-Wing transported me back into the in-group by giving me an HTC Diamond for my birthday.

Now I proudly own the love child of the black monolith from Space Odyssey and KITT. (Imagine me posing to this)

Kar-Wing showed me what that thing can do and how it can make my life easier. I believe that this is a nifty gadget indeed. But I got to admit that all I was eager to do was to check out if the Solitairecards looked different and to copy a very funny Japanese songs on the phone as ringtones (aka ADHD smurfs on helium extacy).

What greatly annoys me though is the transition time one needs to get used to such a smart phone. If it's too smart it makes you look stupid. I was actually dumbfolded by the short hiccup vibration the phone makes to signal you that the person you were calling actually picked up.

The learning curve is also slowed down by the fact I have been together with my old phone for 1 year. For Hong Kong standards that is like a 5-year-lasting-marriage in Hollywood, an eternity. And I parted with my mobile phone like in a relationship. It lost its glamour, it bored me, I thought it was too big and I started to eye other prospects. I therefore set out for something thinner and younger.

Now if you excuse me. I gotta get to know my baby a little bit better.

Lunch, Chopsticks and Sex Talk

2008-10-06T21:27:00.004+08:00

Hong Kong shopping malls 2004, originally uploaded by Laura Liverani.

Ah-Man sits in the cubicle beside me and is my Hong Kong translator and survival guide. Thanks to her I know why Honki men tan and why 'yes" in Hong Kong often means "no" as in "I don't kNOw." We usually trade knowledge during lunch break and often it looks like this:

*passing by a cinema on the way back to office*

Ah-Man: *using my Chinese name* Say, Ma Lok Mei. Have you watched Cantonese movie?

Ah-me: Hmm, yes. Kung Fu movies and "Lust Caution" with Tony Leung. *spotting a movie poster with estatic looking bold woman* Uhm, Ah-Man.... What's "Sex and Chopsticks" about?

*both carefully approach poster and squinting at the title like near sighted grannies.*

Ah-Man: Strange the Chinese title is not equal to English title. Why did they take this English title? Does 'chopsticks' have a *makes wiggly-hand-sign* meaning in English?

Ah-me: Noooo! Chopsticks only means chopsticks. This title would seem strange to many Westeners. We associate chopsticks with food like dimsum. Imagine: Hargow, chopsticks and humping... so wrong! *shudders* ... So, what's the movie about?

Ah-Man: Is a Cantonese movie. But no Cantonese actor wants to play. She *points at estatic looking bold woman* is from Japan. The movie is about old Chinese sex story. You really want to know?

Ah-me: Hell yeah!

Ah-Man: Ok there is a rich family. They have a son. He is intelligent and curious.... how to say in English?

Ah-me: So he's a good kid.

Ah-Man: No, no, not good kid. When he turns 18 he is curious about sex. So his father agrees to teach him and hire many uhm... gai!

Ah-me: Prostitutes!

Ah-Man: Yes! Prostitutes. And he learns a lot. Later he goes on adventure and arrives at temple for women... like the woman on poster.

Ah-me: Oh, a nunnery like in Lantau.

Ah-Man: Yes. And he there he meets temple woman...

Ah-me: A nun!

Ah-Man: And he has sex with the nun. And the nun gets pregnant. But later he falls in love with another very beautiful married woman. So he trades the nun. But the married woman's husband is very angry. The woman's husband is a very small .

Ah-me: You mean *makes the below-1-inch gesture*

Ah-Man: Ha, ha. Maybe but I mean he is a small person *stretches her arm towards ground and holding hand parallel to the ground*

Ah-me: A midget!

Ah-Man: Right. And the small husband wants to fight because of wife. But he is too small. So his brother fights for him. The brother is normal tall, not a widget. Then they fight.

Ah-me: What happens next?

Ah-Man: Sorry, forgot. Maybe this is next Cantonese movie for you to go to cinema?

Ah-me: Suuuureee! "Sex and Chopsticks" for one, please!

Just A Normal "Conversation"

2008-09-28T00:48:00.010+08:00

*Couple watching Sex And The City The Movie on DVD*

Scene: Carrie returns to the penthouse flat to retrieve her Manolos from that shop showroom of a closet. As she enters she finds Mr. Big there, getting the Manolos for her.

Carrie [off]: "It was not logic. It was love." And then she runs over to him, throws her arms around him and kisses him instead of ramming the Manolo heels into his skull.

Wifey: *irritated and accusingly pointing at the TV* "She ALWAYS forgives him"

Hubby: *nods*

Wifey: *full of strong conviction* "I would never forgive you. I would beat the shit out of you.... and then maybe forgive you."

Hubby: *tries to imagine* [1 sec later] *laughs like a gnome*

A Possible T10: The Fury In Nuri

2008-08-21T13:41:00.005+08:00

Taifun, originally uploaded by Sun&Art.

The weather is shitty. Nevertheless everybody in the office is in a good mood.

“It’s going to be at least a T8 la!”
“Nooo, sustained maximum winds are forecasted to be148 km/h! That’s a T9!”
“Actually, it’s a T10.”
“Wow.” Now that was me.

My colleagues and I were excited about taifun Nuri which was closing in to Hong Kong in a fast pace. It’s probably the Mercedes E-Class of a taifun. Big, powerful and swift. It might hit HK tomorrow. If it is then categorized as a T8 taifun, we (like most of Hong Kong) will get the day off. But it’s probably going to be stronger.

Our merc-assistant Mo is now checking the HK Observatory site on an hourly basis and watching for any sign that the precautionary signal T1 is raised to T3, meaning the taifun is getting closer and weather will be become even shittier. Even now the air feels heavy and humid. You can literally feel the taifun approaching to unload itself on the land.

But I am excited about a possible T10 as well. I’ve been living in HK for 4 years now and it was already a highlight if we ever got a T8 once a year. Though this year we had two T8’s, and now my first T10 is approaching. That’s an awful lot of taifun. Of course I quickly came up with my standard explanation “Inconvenient Truth”-style: Global Warming. But our accountant told me that during her childhood there were many T10’s.

“I remember how we all sat at the window, watching people pass by, constantly being pushed to the side by the strong wind. They had really funny faces. There was not much to do since we had to stay inside, so they were our only source of entertainment.”

Today it’s still the same. Not much to do, 80% of public transportation down which means you’ll have a hard time to go to a pub. And you cannot even watch people being blown away on the streets since most of us live in high-rise buildings. Thank God I have an unwatched DVD Box of Sex And The City. But it would be my first T10, wouldn’t it?

I should celebrate, go out, tie myself to a lamp post and take pictures of the cows flying by.

Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure the HK Observatory will make it a T10. They have to. For the Olympic horsies and Olympic tourists. Give them people some excitement. A taifun cannot get stronger than a T10 and therefore a mini-ulitmate experience. Once the tourist get home they can tell tales not only about overbred horses but also that they’ve witnessed an E-Class kind of taifun with cows flying by.

I can imagine this British bloke tourist back home at his pub in Liverpool:

“A T10, mate! A T10! That’s like a trillion in horsepower!”

Hellboy 2 Golden Army

2008-08-20T17:32:00.001+08:00

Hellboy 2 Golden Army Movie Photos (22), originally uploaded by divxplanet.

Finally the another Guillermo del Toro movie that I've finished watching. I wanted to watch Pan's Labyrinth but I succumbed to a bad habit of mine: I went to Wikipedia and read the plot in advance. Dang!

Well, I still think it's a good movie, but I also know that there's a lot sad, mean stuff happening.... and I am a wuss. The same thing happened with Mimic

Back to Hellboy 2.

2 things I liked most:

1. The new character Johann Krauss:
He's German, who for once is on the side of the good guys. He's German, who for once displays some sort of humour ("Suck my ectoplasmic Schwanzstücke!"). He's German, who for once is not blond or has a beard. But he still has the inability to pronounce the English "th". But zat's ok, ozawise people would not know zat he is German.

2. Prince Nuada:
Kick-ass, superfit, superfast elven version of Lucius Malfoy. There's nothing fairy about that elf.

There you have it. Two good reasons to watch the movie. There are actually more good reasons. But these are my big two. The rest is icing on the cake.

Talk The Talk or Isalita Iyung Salita (Wahaha)

2008-08-14T13:27:00.009+08:00

Pinoy Fest 078, originally uploaded by gcrgil.

A chat my sister and I had on skype yesterday.

JAZZ: I had a long talk with our parents last night. It was funny…
First there was an argument about the fact that I do not speak Filipino and
Mum takes it absolutely personal.

ME: Har Har What did she say? And how did you justify your Filiipino strike?

JAZZ: I said, that I think it’s daft. Just kidding. Anyway, Mum said that being able to speak Filipino is such a huge advantage. I just did not agree.
Then she said, that if I ever end up in the Philipinnes by myself, I’d be pretty helpless. Yeah, right. I replied, that if I ever end up in Spain by myself the chances are higher of me being helpless.
Mum does not think it’s good that I’m denying my roots and that I act more German, but that my blood will always be Filipino.
And I said: ‘Mum I do not want to deny my roots. I can’t deny them because
I do not look German.’
And she replied: ‘That’s the ridiculous thing about it: You can’t speak Filipino.”
I have never regretted being not able to speak Filipino….
....Except when gramps talked to me and all I could do was listen.

Yeah, gramps. He never wanted to reveal his real age. We all thought that he died at the age 88 until the village elder told us that he died at the age of 96! “Think about it,” the elder said. “his eldest daughter (our eldest aunt) was around 75 that time.”

So gramps was THAT old. When I was seven he was already THAT old to me.

And he did not change… to me at least he did not. I did though. With seven my Filipino was fluent. My sister was five at that time and almost forgot her German and almost only spoke Filipino. When we went back to Germany we were forced to learn German again and our Filipino degenerated.

As teenagers we even refused to speak Filipino because we did not want to be like the other kids who spoke the language and seemed so goody-goody while smoking and spliffing behind their parents' backs.

When I moved to Hong Kong though I happened to hear more Filipino spoken than I ever did in Germany. In a country where you have not much clue about the language and the culture hearing a language you roughly understand was a comfort. On Sundays when all the Filipina maids have their free day and have their outdoor salu-salo at Hong Kong’s public spaces, I used to get homesick because their chit-chat reminded me how my parents used to have little Filipino gatherings with their friends in our living room where they would have merienda, gossip and (to my horror) sing karaoke for hours.

And then I happened to make Filipino friends. It started during a Geoexpat BBQ when I introduced myself to a Hong Kong girl as German-Filipino. “You’re Filipino?” I heard from afar and another girl rushed over and almost body checked the Hongki girl in front of me. She took my hand and said: “Hi, I’m Daphne. I’m also Filipino.” That’s all it takes. And once you bond with one you will bond with more. They will teach you the hip Filipino words and tell you that words such as “tarantado” are so out (Jiki) or that “kubeta” is associated with a filthy toilet (Dona). Then I got to meet non-Filipinos who are more enthusiastic about “Bebot, Bebot” and “kilikili power” than me. And as cultural-German-Filipino-hybrid you stop and think: “Why did I ever go on strike?”

There is one big advantage if you can speak Filipino though. Since many Filipinos work in the the Hong Kong service and entertainment industry, with a smile and a few correctly pronounced words, you might get into Hong Kong clubs or bars for less or free. Waiters chat with you, give you bread for free, get you a nice table and give you an discount on that extra curry you have ordered. Rowena told us that she got into some sports class in a popular gym for a low price (low according to all the girls taking yoga and pole dancing classes) because the trainer was Filipino.

Hanging out with out Filipinos tought me what I already knew from my parents and their friends. Filipinos are a very social and sometimes a very chaotic bunch. Sometimes they make you wait for an hour, but they bond so easily with you just because you look like José Rizal / Tony Leung or have eaten adobo and sinigang with them.

James (Filipino) to Sabrina (Chinese) after a Pinoy brunch
James: You’re Filipino?
Sabrina: No. I’m from here (=Hong Kong)
James: You like the food?
Sabrina: I liked it a lot.
James: That’s all it takes.

Are You Honkers?

2008-08-10T10:12:00.005+08:00

Hong Kong shopping district, originally uploaded by Robinofthehood.

Holger, Kar-Wing and I were quickly marching through Elements at Kowloon Station. Holgers's wife, Tintin, was waiting for us at the Austrialian restaurant Woollomoloo and you just don't let a pregnant woman wait too long.

As we joined her at the table, Holger noticed the latest HK magazine issue at Tintin's side. The coverstory's title was: Chinese or Hong Kong? We were all Hong Kong expats, longterm Hong Kong expats. Is this question directed to us as well?

Whenever people ask me what I am, I am comfortable with answering that I am a German Filipino. But after almost four years living in Hong Kong, this country/ city/ special administered region has rubbed of on me. I could not say that I feel a bit chinesey, but I do sense the honki force in me.

How many dimsums must an expat have eaten to call him/herself a Honki?

The answer, my friend, is only lying partly in food. Of course you will always keep the cultural identity you grow up with but who says that we cannot cultural morph as adults?

I noticed that I started to be more honki when it was ok for me to nag about the city but it was not ok for Non-Honkis to do so as well. No outsider could just bitch about my city, my home after just having been here for a week.

Ok, it's sometimes stinky, sweaty and crowdy, but it also takes you in, speaks English to you, let's you buy lots of stuff on sale, has decent beaches and cooks wonderful, wonderful food.

Another indication of my honkiness was during our first New York trip this July. I was still a little jetlagged and overwhelmed by the gigantic assortment of stuff in the Century 21 outlet. Suddenly I heard two salesperson speaking in Cantonese and I strangely felt comforted. I do not consider Cantonese being the prettiest language but there in the midst of shopping frenzied tourists and mountains of marked-downed designer clothes I suddenly had the strength again to extend my elbows and fight that woman from Newcastle for that CK blouse for 29 USD. I'm from Hong Kong. I know how to shop during sales!

Hong Kong makes it easy for expats to get around and know the territory. All it needs is a little bit of curiosity, English coupled with a pinch of Cantonese and some time. You start to roughly know the MTR stations, learn how to say your address in Chinese to the taxi driver, haggle at the markets, find your regular restaurants/ shops and make locals laugh with your crappy pronounciation of 'Mh goi'.

And presto: You're a little Honki.

Give Me The Boot!

2008-06-25T17:26:00.002+08:00

Gucci Rainboots, originally uploaded by dicesix.

Two weeks ago after having been drenched 2 times on my way back home or to work I decided to follow a Hong Kong trend and buy rain boots. But I did not want any that had those cutsy-pantsy patterns on them. No way la!

I wanted to have sturdy fashionable boots that would tell the world “Look the person who is wearing me is neither a Hello Kitty fan nor mentally 5 years old.” The problem is though that if they look too sturdy I would end up looking like from some wet market or Café Coral kitchen.

A colleague gave me a tip where to get nice boots in acceptable uni-colours. “AIGLE has very nice boots. They have a shop at Harbour City”. So on that day I called my husband and told him that we would have dinner at Tsim Sha Tsui. But before dinner we went to the shop of course. Mais, quel scandale! The shop was already full of women sticking their feet into my boots.

I quickly turned to the salesperson and asked if they still had stock. “No stock, la.” So when will there be stock? “Sorry ah. Don’t know. Maybe one month.” One month?! By that time my feet would have evolved and developed webs! All I could do was to write my name down on their waiting list which was already several pages long. Bloody hell! These are just rain boots not an Hermes Birkin.

I gave up hope until today. Taifun Feng Sheng passed over Hong Kong, storm signal 8 has been lowered to signal 3 and it was still pouring like in canto pop music videos where the girl leaves the canto poopi behind and they need lots of rain as dramatic tool because the singer can barely sing and cannot act nor cry on command.

So there was looooots of rain which reminded me that I was boot-less. But then Kar-Wing’s colleague mentioned during lunch that Gucci is selling rain boots as well. Gucci rain boots! It’s like hearing the angels sing.

I admit it’s a bit decadent. But at the risk of sounding like Carrie Bradshaw:
They are GUCCI!

Note To Me: Just Can't Help It

2008-06-24T14:50:00.003+08:00

Hong Kong用这个城市的速度刻度爱- 街道 Street, originally uploaded by Jing Ying.

I have promised my friend Sonja that by the end of this month I’ll have finished 3 articles about China/ Hong Kong for a German website. All I have to do is basically jot down stuff what expats think is significant about these countries. While brainstorming my brain jumps to last Saturday.

Marta, Anthony, Kar-Wing and I met up at the seating area of the IFC City Super bakery to have a quick breakfast before going to the jewellery fair in Wanchai. Kar-Wing and I arrived earlier and were able to secure a table. But who would have thought that this would be a siege where people would conveniently forget their English just so they could “innocently” plant their butts on an empty but taken chair? This was war!

After having lived in Hong Kong for quite a while it does rub of on you and you get the rough and tough demeanour of an urbanite. “Don’t you dare take that chair!” our eyes said. “Or I’ll cut off your finger… or worse… pour coffee over your Gucci medium Babouska tote with double handles!” That tactic does not work well with children and elderly people, though. Both demographic groups use their ability to vulner as competitive advantage. You know, puppy eyes, quivering lips, wrinkles, disproportionately large heads, etc.

[Note to me: The “vulner-ability” gag does not work in German…. Probably also not in English.]

Finally Marta and Anthony arrived strengthening our defences. They quickly fanned out to get themselves some food. Marta came back first with a strawberry danish and a bewildered look on her face. “I just ordered Caffe Latte at the bakery, “ she said. Excellent choice, I thought. “And the woman at the counter asked me: ‘With milk?’”

How to react to that? Culturally sympathetic or stuck-up European (I KNOW that Latte is Italian and I KNOW that Italy looks like a crooked boot from above. Ahahahahaha!). I opted for the latter by snorting.

[Note to me: Chinese can’t speak Italian.]

I pause with my brainstorming coming to the conclusion that my German readership does not really want to read that. They probably want action, the mysteries of Asia. Again my brain takes over and shows me scenes of action: Central station during rush hour. Me in the MTR… trying to alight first before I get run over by a stroller and feel the elbow of a very skinny girl wearing neon-green Crocs. Ok, no action then….

[Note to me: Not really action though, but the popularity of Crocs is a global mystery.]

What do we have for mysteries of Asia? I first try to follow the beaten path and see the beautiful Wong Tai Sin temple before me. There are incense sticks and fortune tellers. But again there is nothing much mystic about the smell of burning mothballs and people with squinty eyes making less sense than Mr. Miyagi.

Now, the biggest Asian mystery I have ever encountered is my mother-in-law who has the ability to always pick the profitable slot machines of every Casino in Macau.

[Note to me: Definitely cannot mention that.]

That's Why It's Good To Be A Girl

2008-06-22T09:10:00.007+08:00

What happens if you have a bunch of girls (most of them Filipinas) in a room full of living fish?
Click the vid to see the answer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dOTU1coW-A

Now With A Little Bit ...

2008-06-18T12:33:00.002+08:00

bunnies and cranes, originally uploaded by dicesix.

.... more time on my hands. I am:

- mastering the art of folding origami bunnies
- reading "After Dark" by Haruki Murakami
- watching "Sex And The City" Season 4
- listening to the "As I Am" album by Alicia Keys

Useless French That Made Me Laugh

2008-04-30T15:10:00.002+08:00

slow food or fast food?, originally uploaded by A.J. French.

Currently I am reading a book by Jeremy Clarkson. He’s British and whole Europe knows that a Brit’s French is rubbish. Nevertheless it’s always good for a laugh and sometimes even creative.

This is what he said to a waiter when he found a slug in his bowl of lettuce:

“Regardez, je trouve un …. umm... un escargot sans maison dans ma salade.“

Just brilliant.

Uhm.... gracious.... I need to get out of the office.