... He Was Fragged For Our Sins.

Dun dun duhhh!!!!1111

2006-03-01T11:46:00.000-05:00

Well, today is my last day on blogger/blogspot. I bought a domain, and moved my blog and all accessories to that domain. Without further ado, I direct thee to...

www.fraggedformysins.com

Your funny link for today will be located there, so don't try and get all roxxor on me.

We look like large cheese people =(

2006-02-28T07:52:00.000-05:00

(after I typed that title, I discovered that its likely that at first, many of you will misread/misunderstand the title. I considered changing it, but that's no fun.) Last night, the dear wife and my sister and I went to go grab some pizza. We went to this little pizza parlor near where we now live, sat down, started looking at deh menu. At this particular establishment, you can order pizza by the slice, w/ whatever toppings your heart desires. When it's time to order, the waitress appears to be one of those hotshots who doesn't have to write anything down. I say she appeared that way not because she looked like she had an exceptional memory, but because... she just didn't bring anything to write on. So since there's no possible way my wife and sister and I could agree on toppings, I order a single slice, and rattle off a few toppings. The wife orders a single slice, and as she rattles off her toppings, mid-sentence the waitress interrupts her and says... "Wait a second yall. Yall looked like large cheese people, didn't think I would have to write anything down", implying that we appeared to be the sort of people that would order a plain, large, cheese pizza. My mind begins to race. What is she trying to say! Are you trying to tell me my family looks plain?! Why not just come out and say it! Where I come from, "yall look like large cheese people" be fightin' words. Anyway, we'll probably go back. The pizza was decent. Pencil Carving Gallery

Deh Aquarium.

2006-02-27T08:05:00.000-05:00

So, the wife, 13 students from the English Language School we teach at, our leet bus driver, and I went to the aquarium. Now, I could post lotsa pictures, but, uhh, I didn't take any. Instead, I want to discuss the whale sharks that live in the aquarium, and the cushy lifestyle they enjoy. You who have not been to the aquarium (from hereon out, known as the "unaquariumed", as a commentary on the fact that I dislike the word "unchurched", as is going to church is what we're attempting to achieve in trying to share the Gospel. Hmm it seems I've gotten slightly off-track in these paratheses, I better just close 'em off), the unaquariumed, have not seen the luxury these animals endure. You see, they spend the day swimming around, and twice a day, aquarium workers bring large scoops of krill and dump them near the mouths of the two whale sharks. From there, they just inhale the water and krill, digest the food and flush the water out. I was entertained that the little video made SUCH a big deal that the two whale sharks had different-colored scoops that this food was delivered to them in, and they knew them apart by the color. whatever. ANYWAY, I've decided that is the way to get your daily food intake. Therefore, I'm in the process of trying to find someone to...hmm..."render"... this same service to me each morning and afternoon. Basically, someone would need to get a scoop w/ a long handle on it, then each morning while I shower and each afternoon while I sit in my cubicle, dump a serving of steak over the shower curtain/cubicle wall. I've already asked my wife and coworkers, and they have refused. If you'd like to apply, please post a short comment about why you're suited for this momentous position. thx. Funny link: Shakespeare Insult Kit, thou loggerheaded ill-breeding miscreants!

RECAP: February 20th - 23rd.

2006-02-24T07:51:00.000-05:00

As previously promised, it's time for the first Recap of the week. What did we giggle at this week - We giggled at this this week. This is what Eric looked liked ten years ago. We also giggled at how a scizophrenic, fictitious black woman "fought" over the sweet hotness that is me. What did we learn this week - Whew, this week was alot more about learning and less about giggling. The hallmark in things to actually take something away from is certainly my post from yesterday. Other than the fact that I enjoy being an entertainer, it will give you insight to what I think about through the days, and what my goals are. The one post to read this week if you don't read anything else - Again, yesterday's. Make sure to check out the comments too. Feel free to tell me what you think as well, even if you think I'm wrong. Funny link: wee a puzzle!!1

My country, tis of thee...

2006-02-23T16:22:00.000-05:00

As I said a long, long time ago, I tend to come down on the critical side of issues and ideas. That is, if I can either be too soft or too harsh on a issue of controversy, too harsh is my tendency. Keep that in mind. That said, today's post is about our great country, the United States of America. The land of opportunity. The land you find yourself living in (unless your Britt), right now. Consider the following situation: There is a horrible car wreck. One car is on fire, and you only have the time to rescue one of the two occupants of the car. You know that one of them is fully aware of their situation, and knows good and well that they will die if they persist in staying in the car. The other is unconscious, and therefore unable to know that the fire is even present and a danger to them. Which person do you attempt to rescue? [for purposes of this discussion, the conscious person is able to get out of the car themselves, should they choose to. There are also a horde of people working to get the conscious person out as well.] Now, this analogy has a few holes in it, but the idea I am trying to convey is this: the people of America represent the person in the car that is fully aware of their situation. They may argue it, fight it till their death, do all they can to deny it, but the facts (that is, the Gospel) are on the table, the writing's on the wall. That is to say, the warning that the way of sin is the way of death is ever-present in the USA. More importantly, the way to faith in Christ is thoroughly published, printed, recorded, it's everywhere. Any person who does not find their way to faith in Christ will not be because there simply wasn't enough information out there about Christ. But that other person, the one who has no idea they are about to perish... they represent the countless peoples of the world outside the U.S. that have no immediate witness to the truth. If they die, it's without faith in Christ, because no one told them that it was an option to them. Do you care? Does this even matter to you? I'm angry. Forget angry. I'm pissed off, physically shaking, in tears. For I care more about getting cable internet service to my new place of residence than about the man who died Christ-less as I type these words. Let's look at this another way. You can argue the theology about what I've said so far. But consider the human needs of these people. They're starving, RIGHT NOW. They're dying of thirst, THIS MOMENT. They are dying and becoming maimed by diseases and conditions that a 15 cent shot of medicine can cure. DOES THIS MATTER TO YOU? Do you even bat an eyelash to any of what I say? HOW DARE I sit here in a air-conditioned cubicle for one minute longer than it takes to have my life and my wife's life where I have no pending financial or moral responsibilities due to anyone (loans, contracts, educations, etc.) and get out of this country. The people here are fed. They are clothed. Even the poor among us have ways to get relief (hell, the poor here are richer than large numbers of the middle class in other places). So that's me. Where does it leave you? Do you see America as your place to live, your place to live out your days in blissfulness? The place where you were raised, married, had your own kids, retire, collect seashells on the beach, and when you die, and present your seashell collection to God as the witness of the last 15 years of your life? (blatantly stolen example from one John Piper). I reject that choice, that lifestyle. I'm done with this country. I would go as far as saying that unless you feel a specific calling to STAY in this country, it is selfish to remain. I mean, if you aren't called to stay in the U.S., and you know the needs of the world and consciously make the decision to not go to the world and instead live in this country, what other word is there to describe your actions? This country is safe, it's comfortable, its a country of lavish luxury. What do any of those things have to do with the life Christ has called us to? I know some of you do feel called to serve in other nations, and are only waiting for the door to be opened for your place to serve, or to finish serving responsibilities and commitments you made in this country. I know some of you feel called to stay here to support those that go and to minister to those who live here. I know others of you have never seriously considered leaving this country for another, and just always assumed this would be your home. Please listen to my plea. I am trying to speak for the oppressed, those who have no voice of their own. They need YOU. If not you, then who? On that note, I am drained. I have said all I can on the topic, and if you feel I am as wrong as the sun is purple, let me know in the comments down there. I said I would be harsh at the beginning, I hope I delivered on that promise enough to reach your heart, but not enough for you to write me off as a nutcase. And if you want more on this topic, and to read an article that greatly influenced me, consider this link. It gives a much more... level-headed view of the topic, and answers common objections: Why You Should Go To The Mission Field. FL: Telephone Songs - If you can't be bothered to read all my words when I actually am writing about something that is meaningful, here's a funny link for you. Go learn to play Frere Jacques on your cellie and leave me be.

Fun Eric Facts

2006-02-22T14:09:00.000-05:00

Mind is all dizzied up right now, lots of thoughts. If you want meaningful discussion, roll on over to a recent post by Ms. Gina. 23 delicious comments worth of thoughtful discussion. In the meantime, here's some odd facts that I find entertaining: - When there is a stack of unused styrofoam cups in a public place for usage, I always pull one of the cups midway down the stack. This is especially true if the cups are sitting open side up. I don't know why I do this, I just do. - On my Gmail, I organize my contacts list to a ridiculous degree. I believe Mr. Ben is the only one to ever experience the oddness of it. It's not so much how they are sorted, its more the little informative tags I put for each person. It's almost like if I were to lose my memory and still had access to my email, anyone I would have to interact with, if I knew their name, I could at least wing it for a few days based on the info recorded therein. - I have woman hands. What I mean by this, not that it justifies it at all, is that I don't like my hands being dirty. Even alittle. Slightly. Any dirty, stickiness, grease, whatever, no sir-ee. This wouldn't be a problem if I was a computer guy in a cube farm for some corporation... no... I have to work at a hardware store. Dirtiness-for-your-hands abounds at hardware stores. Woe is me. That's all I got for today, folks. Well, that, and your funny link. Since we're being all introspective today, and stuff, here's somethin' for ya to nibble on: This Is the Title of This Story, Which Is Also Found Several Times in the Story Itself

Gosh!

2006-02-21T12:56:00.000-05:00

Not much to say today, other than that I'm the original Napolean. Check that date out. 1996, Bay-bee! I've been very guarded with that photo, but hey, I can sacrifice dignity for a laugh with the best of them. Funny link: That crazy British Military. This apparently is a spoof of another comic relief video done by Peter Kay. I found the original after some thorough searching, but I think this link is entertaining enough to stand on its own. And I kinda like the song anyway =(. The Royal Dragoon Guards present "Is This The Way To Amarillo?

FFOS Guides - How to read this blog, based on how much free time you have.

2006-02-20T12:17:00.000-05:00

The more I blog, and more I learn about people who actually read all these words, the more I realize that some of you simply don't have the time to read all of this. And I understand! I wish you did, but understand you don't! So, with that in mind, I've prepared the following guide to give you guidelines on what you should and shouldn't read, given time constraints.

If you have more free time than you know what to do with, and are looking for stuff to read: Read the whole blippin' thing. All the posts, all the funny links, all the comments. Have little discussions in the comments sections, a dialogue if you will. Sky is deh limit. If you have some free time, maybe able to check the blog two to three times a week: For a given week (well, the 5 days in a week I post), scroll down through them and notice which ones interest/titillate/excite/whatnot you, and read those. Ignore funny links, unless they catch your eye either. ALTERNATIVELY, if you think I sux, open up only the funny links, ignore posts =p. If you are able to check the blog at most once a week: I'm going to start using Friday's as a recap for the previous four dayses posts. It will sort of be a "what did we learn" or "what did we giggle at" post. It should be sufficient to maintain your course credit standings for EFIZ 1980, and much more importantly, allow you to not fall under the wrath of comments such as: "someone hasn't been reading my blooo-ooogg..." or "you make me sad when you don't read my blog, sadface =("

So there you have it. Look for the first Recap this friday! Funny link: Chinese Watermelon Sculpture - further evidence that being azn (third definition) is leet.

Saw a bumper sticker recently...

2006-02-17T10:53:00.000-05:00

It said...

Who am I to try and confound such a direct command. So, on that note: One love, one heart Let's get together and feel all right Hear the children crying (One love) Hear the children crying (One heart) Sayin', "Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right." Sayin', "Let's get together and feel all right." Today's funny link is absolutely astounding: The Sequel to Rock, Paper, Saddam, "The Painting". Props to Mr. Allen Harris for graciously providing this powerful link. Here's your teaser for it: Saddam:
Oh, no, it's one of those combo deals. Koran goes in the front, decorating tips in the back.

Re: my parents

2006-02-16T08:14:00.000-05:00

So Valentine's Day occured. Not sure exactly when that was, but it happened. The wife and I agreed to move it back to this weekend, after we moved in, given the lovely stressors that entail moving. Given that it was V-Day, my mother sent the wife and I a big ole box of homemade cookies. This rox. What roxed almost as much was the card she sent. The front of it had a black and white photo of these three old ladies. Each of them had a speech bubble over their head, with one saying "How can you tell?", the next saying, "No way!", with the third saying, "I can just tell." The text on the front of the card read, "Bev's friends were amazed with her ability to tell when a man was going 'commando'". The inside of the card read, "Have an amazing Valentine's Day." Wow. What made this more entertaining was what my parents had written on the inside of the card:

Love, Dad and Mom - (I picked the card out!)

So there you have it. While my parents aren't yet quite as awesomely awesome as, say Emma's, they have to start somewhere. And that card was certainly one place to start. Today's funny link details the proper way to write a paper for college: wee.

SCANDAL - BATHROOM WARDEN EXPOSED!

2006-02-15T08:56:00.000-05:00

ATLANTA (EFIZZ) - Tensions run high as the highly guarded floorplan of Bathroom Warden's #721 new rental house was leaked to the media. It was a day much like any other. Eric Hendersºn, also known as Bathroom Warden #721 was critiquing the design and setup of local area resturants. But then this image was leaked to the media:

As is plainly obvious, the hypocrisy of Mr. Hendersºn living in a house with horribly designed toilet/door placement cannot be ignored. On Tuesday, when the story broke, there were widespread calls for Eric's resignation as a highly coveted Bathroom Warden #721. ---------------------------------------------- Okay, okay, enough with the news-story approach to blogging, its kind of lame. Basically, the house the wife and I move in to in 3 days is really, really odd. Things are designed with no thought what so ever, most walls aren't straight, the floor isn't even reasonably flat, and some of the cabinets must have been designed by monkies. Other than that, its great! The toilet issue is of special concern to me. Basically, no matter how you, uh, use the toilet, your gonna get smacked by that door if someone opens it. This will cause several problems, of course, depending on how your using it. My thoughts on this matter are... there's gonna be alot of peein goin on w/ the door open, that's all I'm sayin. F to da' L - DuctTapeFashion.com - This stuff is elite. Yes, you can lose man points for buying duct tape produced items instead of making it yourself (yes, its happened to me, aww =( ), but I let the masters handle what they are masterful with. And for these guys, its duct tape. Or something.

Leet speak.

2006-02-14T16:14:00.000-05:00

Today's post is about today's funny link, which is the Parent's Guide to Internet Slang on Microsoft.com. This is especially important as I have an extreme tendency to randomly use such leetspeak in casual conversation. Let's dig through this guide with some scrutiny:

- "pwn": A typo-deliberate version of own, a slang term often used to express superiority over others that can be used maliciously, depending on the situation. This could also be spelled "0\/\/n3d" or "pwn3d," among other variations. Online video game bullies or "griefers" often use this term. - I take offense to the fact that it says bullies and griefers use this term. I use it to say my wife pwned me when she somehow logic bombed me, or that a stapler pwned me when it wouldn't go through a stack of 23 pages (well, I guess technically the papers pwned me). -Mistakes are often left uncorrected. Common typing misspellings (typos) such as "teh" instead of the are left uncorrected or sometimes adopted to replace the correct spelling. - Total agreement with this one. It is deh true. "w00t" or the smiley character \o/: An acronym that usually means "We Own the Other Team," used to celebrate victory in a video game. - I've never heard it as an acronym, it's just a celebratory phrase. woot!

I'm tired. Getting ready to go put this IKEA thing together, should be fun.

IKEA

2006-02-13T14:13:00.000-05:00

So I'm sorry I didn't even try to backdate a post to Friday. Didn't have anything to say/didn't have any the attention span to..uhh.. say that which I didn't have anything to say about. Anyway, so yeah. We went to IKEA. I was dazed, awed, roxxored. Afew comments about it before I go attempt to construct some sort of storage unit thingie:

1. Its like a big casino: There is only one exit. It's hard to find. Other than in the clocks section, there are very few clocks throughout the store. Both of these facts are shared by casinos. Both casinos and IKEA trap people in and put away some major bank because of it. 2. I dig Swiss design, or something: I'm all about the general style of stuff they sell. Not all decorative, just simple, functional, or something. 3. Every item in the store has a name that is all European (please stop peein', thanks): examples: Ringum, Magiker, Agnellrassmussenzon. Ok I made the last one up, but it could be one.

All I got for today. When all was said and done, the wife and I got about 2/3 of what we planned to buy, and it totalled $285.00. It's cool stuff. FL: The Human Clock - this is crazy awesome. Includes the: Human Clock, Analog and Digital Versions, and the Human Calendar.

Poor self-esteem. pets

2006-02-09T13:46:00.000-05:00

So, my self-esteem took a slight beating last night. Here's the scene: its English Language School time, Eric is preparing a devotional. I've got a whiteboard, and with a dry-erase marker I draw something close to this on the board: I think we can all agree that this is *PLAINLY* a picture of a ship. Or boat. sea-going vessel. you get the idea. I was standing in front of the whiteboard as I drew this masterpiece. I hear the voice of Mitsuo, the 60-something Japanese gentleman that comes to ELS with greater consistency than anyone I've ever known. He says, "move out the way. I can't see the animal." At that moment. A part of my MSpaint/whiteboard/whatever artist-soul died. Why I Will Never Have A Girlfriend - Poor guy. Some guys say this, but this guy proves it. Bummer.

I heart my wife, for reals.

2006-02-08T09:54:00.000-05:00

I'm so for serious. My wife rox. There's all the plainly clear reasons: her personality, her beauty, our friendship, and many such other things. But those things aren't the topic of this post. The topic of this post is about song lyrics. I heart my wife because, within 10 minutes, she complete the two following lines of these songs if I sing em:

Eric says/sing: Yes, they’re sharing a drink they call loneliness... (pause) The wife answers back: ...but it’s better than drinkin’ alone. Lyrics from Billy Joel's Piano Man

So that, in and of itself, is not that remarkable. If we couple that with this...

[note, this refers to the incredible paint job on Ludacris' "ride"] Eric raps: and when I pull up to the club, I get all the affection... The wife sort of raps back: ...cuz the women love the paint and they can see their reflection Lyrics from Ludacris' Act a Fool [note, this has nothing to do with paint or cars] Eric raps (who am I kidding, Eric says:):Some say that sex is overrated... The wife replies:... but they just ain't doin' it right. Lyrics from Jamie Foxx and Ludacris' Unpredictable

So yeah. I'm blown away. She rox. As a sidenote, the last song right up there ^, is pretty dang good, and fairly clean (in a use of bad language sense, I mean, the song is basically about makin love to your lady. Big surprise there.) Anyway. I guess you whities' need a funny link. Let's have a look what I got in my bag o' tricks. Yeah, this'll work. Futureme.org - You can send an email to yourself (or anyone else) with a future delivery date, out as far as the year 2036. If you send it out that far, I can't promise it will deliver, and neither can they. Anyway, have fun. Maybe you guys could send me one every friday reminding to blog before 11:45pm. bleh.

A crossroads, or something.

2006-02-07T15:48:00.000-05:00

So whenever a comment is posted on my blog, I get an email. I probably shouldn't have told you this, as now when I wake up tomorrow, my email header will read "Gmail - Inbox (35), or something absurd like that. Anyway, this is a recent comment/email that was graciously given to me:

Sinyard said... Friday's funny link is remarkably similar to Thursday's. I expect two funny links on Tuesday to make up for it.

So now I have to come to a decision. If we look back to one of my first posts, it says this:

In one of my first posts, I made a campaign promise of sorts - every post I made, there would be some link that could be described as funny, or entertaining - this of course predicated on the fact that you find the first funny link, about my license plate, to be funny.

Note that it never says the funny link would be a unique funny link. I could post the same one every daggum day of the week if I wanted to. But I'm better than that. I aim to please. Or at least yall think I do, as I have so far (I hope). I guess I will bow to the will of the masses this time. Enjoy your linx: How To Dance Properly - Title says it all. Freedom Ship - the City at Sea - these guys are nuts. But if someone wants to buy me a uhh... house... or something, that's no problem.

Jason comes through once more.

2006-02-06T14:36:00.000-05:00

Jason sent me the following email this weekend:

so i look at pictures from about 40 or so photoblogs on a fairly regular basis, and i found this diamond in the rough for you http://www.thenarrative.net/archive/001165.php

If we follow that lovely link (and edit it down alittle), we come up with... Magnafique. I am tempted to argue with the theological basis which this marquee draws it "umphf" from, but I cannot say with any certainty whether (and to what extent) God loves the platypus. Does God love the platypus because it is jumbled? Does God's love for the jumbled human being stem from his love of jumbled things? Am I wasting my time even considering what a marquee says seriously? Anyway. Today's funny link is one of those unique gems of "oops" in the world. With no further introduction, I give you... The Mineral Cummingtonite. It was named this as it was discovered in Cummington, MA. They probably could have come up with a better name, in my opinion.

Blogger sux.

2006-02-03T23:18:00.000-05:00

It's like its trying to force me into only posting Monday - Thursday. I posted at 11:15pm on Friday night. It was pretty funny. It was there when I viewed the blog a few minutes later. It was there the next morning. It's gone now. I guess I'll try and repost it as close to the original: So on Friday I was helping setup for an event at the church. People were starting to mill in to the sanctuary, and the leaders wanted some background music to play. We scoured the sound booth for anything, and came up empty-handed. I tell the guy I was helping that I would run to my car and pick up a few CD's. I dash out there, and can't find my stupid case of CD's. I look in the armrest-between-the-two-front-seats and find the following three cd's. Keep in mind as you read that I have to pick one of the following CD's to play to roughly 700ish older "church people."

1. Honeymoon CD made for the wife and I, by Brad Wright and his wife. 2. U2's How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb 3. Passion - Hymns: Ancient and Modern

I think you all know which one I chose, but I won't give the surprise away. Let's just say that they all got a hefty helping of "cent, five cent, ten cent, dolla." If that reference makes no sense to you, you're probably better off anyway. Today's funny link is especially entertaining to me, and I spent what likely could be described as way too much time on it. Dictionaraoke - The Singing Dictionary. I can't describe it better than the creators, so, pulled from their site:

Definition: Audio clips from online dictionaries sing the hits of yesterday and today. The fun of karaoke meets the word power of the dictionary

I hope you enjoy.

Wee, radio!

2006-02-02T16:16:00.000-05:00

So I was driving in Buford/Sugar Hill, GA today, w/ the radio on some random station. It was really fuzzy. A song ended, and they said "your listening to blah blah blah, the Carolina's numba one station for all your rap hits" or something like that. Let's do alittle geography lesson real quick: For the map reading-impaired, the place where the pink arrow (yeah its pink, don't hate) is where I was. The red line is where the end of Georgia is, and the beginning of South Carolina is. For me to hear a station for both Carolina's (and NOT Georgia), it would actually have to be further... uhh... inland from the border, or something. All I can say is, I'm impressed with them boy's ability to transmit a signal. Roxx on, whoever you's is. For more entertainment, here's some rap lyrics I was tickled at today (entertainingly, heard on the station that was mentioned aboved). Keep in mind that since the FCC is tightening up restrictions on langage on the radio, that the rappers have gotten alittle more clever in figuring out new and inventive ways to say "me and a female I am attracted to engaged in sexual intercourse." That said... hereya go:

hotter than a bisquick biscuit out the oven your baby mama go on missions to get this lovin we kissin and huggin she never pick her phone up You be lookin for her while we doin the grown up

You can thank the fine lyricists of Pretty Ricky for that gem. Yeah, thats the name of their group. No, none of them are named Ricky. No, I won't comment on whether I think they are pretty or not. For what its worth, song title is "Your Body." Funny link is musically inclined as well. I think this one will go down in history (hahahah) as one of the classics in funny-link-dom. Basically, people take pop songs (well any type of song), and then have those voices that read words out loud to you from online dictionaries try and sing the song, using different tones and both genders. If you know the song, I highly recommend AQUA - "Barbie Girl" as a starter one to listen to. Dictionaraoke.org - The Singing Dictionary

Moving Karma

2006-02-01T08:01:00.000-05:00

In this world, there exists a certain balance (either positive or negative) with every person you meet. It starts out at 0, until a key event occurs - you help them move all their earthly possessions from one place of habitation to another. Helping someone move moves the slider into the positive for you, and therefore negative for them. This is what we like to call Moving Karma. When you help someone move, you accumulate Moving Karma with them. But many things can effect how much Moving Karma (from here on out, "MK") you get. Consider the following questions:

How much heavy furniture was involved? Was it sorta heavy, real heavy, or how-in-the-world-did-you-get-this-in-here-in-the-first-place heavy? How many goofy doorways or corners are there in either the moved-out-of or moving-in-to house are there? Watch for single doorways that need doors removed to get items through them, corners halfway in a stairwell so you have to do a 180 to get up the stairs, low ceilings, etc? What volume of items were involved? Is it mostly boxes, furniture, expensive fragile crap (lamps, paintings, etc)? What was the person moving's "Readiness To Move" Quotient? This value is determined by a simple formula: When you first arrive, look at every item in their domicile that can be carried by one person. Are more of those items in boxes, or still sitting in their house loose? The further the boxed items outnumber the unboxed items, the higher the "Readiness To Move" Quotient gets. Editor's note: Low RTM Quotients make Eric sad. How long did the move take? Was it a wham-bam-thank-you-maam 3 hour move, a very arduous 6 hour move, or a full-on, dragged-out, sunrise-to-sunset move? Were you, and if so, to what extent, fed by the people being moved? Were you hydrated as well? Many options here. Pizza? Homecooked? Taken out to eat? Fast food?

I know this is a long list, but I hope you understand the significance: when its time for you to move, you can control some of these, and its important to do what you can to make the experience as painless as possibile for the people who are doing backbreaking labor for you, for free. I say all this, because of one important fact: The wife and I are moving! On Febuuarurarary 18th! We'd love for some help, and we promise that we're even now taking the steps to do all we can to make sure our Readiness to Move Quotient is truely roxxor. Be looking for an email coming soon w/ details, if you live near enough to help, and I have your email address. Today's funny link: Microsoft Interview Questions - Funny only in the sense that compared to interview questions I was asked ("Name a time in your life when you've felt challenged?" lol), these are funny hard. Especially since without this list, you'd be put on the spot, bad.

Cars suck.

2006-01-31T15:35:00.000-05:00

Today, the wife didn't make it out of the parking lot before the realization that there was something very wrong with her poor little 98 Saturn (besides the fact that its a 98 Saturn, which is an ongoing and painful problem). Sputtering, the inability to change gears without massive rumbling (feeling and sound), the RPM meter doing alittle bouncy action, all sorts of fun stuff. She drove the sweet camry, I took the saturn to work, and subsequently to the shop. 300 bux to fix some valve, including labor. meh, whatever. Funny link: Rock, Paper, Saddam! - since he's been in the news lately. I truely hope someone showed this to him, because you never know when TIGER HAND and PEN MISSLE are gonna come up in a game of rock, paper, scissors (note: some profanity in the FL. Saddam gets alittle upset, what can you say).

Yeehaw.

2006-01-30T16:25:00.000-05:00

The stage was set. Me and deh sunday school class went bowling. It's my turn to bowl, second roll of a frame, and here's how the pins are setup: Given that I suck, I'm righthanded, and lanes were so slick that I couldn't spin the bowl at all. The other four doods that were there (Josh, Jason, Todd, Jeremy, if you know or care), concluded (either audiably or not) that theres pretty much no chance that I will pick up a spare. The following bet is made: if I picked up the spare, left-handed, ALL four of them were gonna ride the ball return machine. For you visual learners, lets do some math. Riding the ball return is the sum of these two images: (note: this one has a sissy plastic guard on it. Real men don't need that): + Needless to say, alot was on the line. This is further compounded by the fact that Jeremy said he was gonna ride the ball return if he got a double strike, and he did get the double strike... but was shot down by his wife when going for the act. Very sad. So I find the lightest ball (think it was 7 poundeds), take it in the palm of my hand, stand way off to the right side, and then put a nasty spin on it, aiming about halfway down the lane toward the left gutter. The spin is beautiful. The curve is beautiful. It's coming across the lane, hugs the gutter so all the haters who roll their bowling ball straight can see true leet skillz, and starts coming back toward the pins. My heart basically stops, as I consider in the moment when the four gentlemen's fate is still unknown how great a blog post it would be if they all ended up riding the ball return machine. The ball curves back across the lane, and misses all three pins by about a foot, and the spin finally brings the ball across to the right gutter. Weeping occurs. Funny link: An interesting comparison... not the funniest link evar, but a bit of humor if your part of the computer industry in any way, methinks.

Addendum.

2006-01-27T23:59:00.000-05:00

Just a quick addendum to a post this week: this one. The good Mr. Jason Dean called me with a slight update to the marquee he had seen at that church. Instead of... the sign actually says (used diff sign cause more words won't fit in it): As you might remember, Jason couldn't remember the last words on the sign. I guess he drove back by and was abit more noticing or something. I could offer commentary on the updated version of this marquee, but frankly, I don't think that would turn out very well for the sign. i.e. its much sillier/worse now. In other news, backdating is unfair to some. Today's funny link comes courtesy of guest poster Sinyard. He thinks that my blog deserves to have a cow go poo-poo on it, and instead of going all the effort of dragging a laptop out into the country and finding a cow, he sends us this: sadface

Balance

2006-01-26T12:54:00.000-05:00

Balance is a good thing. Some days, you need a long, involved post. Other days, you need a short, funny post. Or a long, funny post. Or a short, involved/serious post. You get the idea. Today's post leaves you with two choice quotes: 1. CNN.com. The little subheader for the Anderson Cooper (or Cooper Anderson... whatever) show on CNN had this to say last night at 11:00 pm. Note that this is verbatim, no changes in formatting or text was made:

Are there people who kill to get a thrill? Plus, is someone listening in on your phone calls?

As if people needed something to freak out about. Obviously, during the show, these two segments will be split up. But together, chalk this up to the "one more thing to worry about" section... I wonder if someone is listening to my phone call, who kills to get a thrill. That seems like it would sux. 2. I've become something of a sucker for Chuck Norris jokes. I try to show restraint, but I can hold back on this quote:

Chuck Norris has won the Super Bowl twice, a World Series, 7 PBA Bowling tournaments, 46 Olympic gold medals, 5 Stanley Cups, 3 World Series of Poker championships, 1,712 pie eating contests, 4,832 pillow fights, and took second at the Westminster Dog Show in 1982.

Four-thousand, eight-hundred, thirty-two pillow fights. Who knew?! Funny link: Error Message Generator - pretty geeky, but look what simple fun you can have with it:

Doh.

2006-01-25T08:28:00.000-05:00

So this typically isn't my style, but whatever. Was reading this yesterday:

Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter.[a] You have condemned and murdered innocent men, who were not opposing you. James 5 : 1 - 6

Now, I'm the kind of guy who realizes a few things: 1. Crap, I'm rich. I'm not pullin' down 6 digits or anything, but pullin' down 5 digits provides a standard of living many, many, many times greater than 75% of the population of the world, which qualifies me as "rich." 2. James starts by saying this, "...you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you."... this means I'm gonna need a pretty sweet loophole to not be applied-to in this clause. 3. Where's my loophole? Flippin' sweet, there it is! "The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you." and "You have condemned and murdered innocent men, who were not opposing you.", woohoo! I don't have any workmen, and I have not condemned or murdered innocent men. But then I realized something. It doesn't have to be my workers. Every time I swipe my good ole' little credit card and buy something from a company that does this type of behavior, if I have means to know about it (which, given the Internet, seems likely), I'm just as guilty as they are. Don't get me wrong. This isn't a namby-pamby rallying cry that all businesses that make money are horrible, and we should go do protests at anyone who's stock price went up by 0.1% today. Believe me, for a long time, I simply believed this sort of problem (which are listed below), weren't my problem, and that the black eye companies would get as exploitative stuff like this got exposed would be enough of a threat to prevent it from happening, or at least from happening to extreme degrees. It's just not that simple. The American culture is completely insulated from the rest of the world, and its quite easy to not know (or care) if oppression resulted in the production of the item I bought last week. In fact, if it was, how would anyone find out? The oppressed have no voice, THATS WHY THEY ARE OPPRESSED. "Voting with your wallet" is such a cliche', but what other options do we have? Here's an example (which alot of you probably won't like, and will likely be up in arms about), Ten Reasons Why You Should Never Accept a Diamond Ring from Anyone, Under Any Circumstances, Even If They Really Want to Give You One - before you click this link, keep in mind that a third of these reasons (reasons 1-3), right off the bat, are just diamond companies being shrewd, and developing a desire for their product. The other two-thirds - if even half-truths - are heartbreaking - especially if the diamond I purchased for my [at the time] girlfriend just over two years ago contributed to such things. Now I don't want to get bogged down in this link, it makes its point well enough, but it's point isn't MY point. My point is this - just because we don't crack a whip on a room/mine full of underpaid, exploited workers in a distant country, doesn't mean we are immediately absolved of responsibility. What we can do? Much. How that plays itself out in our own lives may vary - for example, consider these guys - The Fairtrade Foundation - they work to ensure farmers receive a fair value for their goods, which on this site include: fruit, coffee, cotton, rice, wine, beer, tea, sugar, and several other products. They then have those products sold in certain locations, which you can lookup on their site (note this is the British site, I'm sure there is a U.S. equivalent). As for diamonds... lets have a few moments of honesty. Even if you read the link about not buying diamonds, it alone is probably not even gonna come close to preventing you from buying/receiving a diamond ring if you had already decided you wanted to. You can come up with 100 justifications about how your one diamond doesn't matter, you couldn't see the jeweler you bought your diamond from allowing such horrible things to happen, you think the people who wrote that link have an agenda that isn't stated... whatever your reason, if you aren't married yet, chances are, you're gonna end up buying or giving diamond in the future. So where can you responsibly buy a diamond? Keep in mind, looking up this information, per jeweler, took about 3 minutes. On the Jared - The Galleria of Jewelry site I found a link to the The Council For Responsible Jewellery Practices, as well as this statement:

For any product fabricated from rough diamonds mined from January 1, 2003 onward, the seller warrants that the diamonds have been purchased from legitimate sources not involved in funding conflict and are in compliance with United Nations Resolutions. The seller hereby guarantees that the diamonds are conflict free, based on personal knowledge and/or written guarantees provided by the supplier of these diamonds.

That is just a statement, but its better than not saying anything. It also addresses several of the numbered items (items 8-10) in the list of why to not accept a diamond. Sadly, a thoroughly perusal of The Shane Company's policies online (note: this is where I bought the wife's diamond) only turned up this statement:

We support all sanctions on countries that sell diamonds to fund civil wars. We will NOT do business with any person or company who does not share this commitment.

Again, I suppose its better than nothing. It's not real reassuring to me, because typing something and doing something are worlds apart. This stuff is getting to me. It makes me want to weep to know that something that caused my wife such joy (her ring) could have even potentially caused scores of people much pain and misery. How can that be? How can we be so insulated from the world in the U.S.? How could I have gotten so wrapped up in settings, and how to propose, and the color, the size, the cut, the clarity, and it never even occured to me to ask about how the diamond was obtained and processed? I've spoken on this long enough for one day. It does however lead me into another topic - besides making responsible purchases, there is something I can do, and that's go. I may not be able to stop the practices of companies who exploit and oppress their workers (that is, sin), but I can make a difference in the lives of the individuals being sinned against, by serving to their basic human needs. Water, food, medical care - you name it. More on this in a few days, or tomorrow, I don't know. Not really feeling like a funny link, so heres something that falls into the informative/kinda morbid/strangely funny/etc category, if that can be a category - oops.