A Family, Created

don't know what to do

2009-08-26T18:44:00.002-05:00

J* has really changed over the past 6 months, and I am finally worried enough to have called the doctor at 4:40 pm this evening.

He is explosive. He is angry. He is getting more violent. He is scaring me.

It started out as little outbursts that weren't so bad. We actually thought he was just tired or hungry. We thought maybe he was supressing fear of starting Kindergarten. We thought he was just a brat.

But the outbursts have gotten worse. It definitely stems mostly from jealousy over ANY attention given to Coop (even diaper changes and necessary attention like that). But now it stems from unbelievably mundane things.

The other day, hubby announced it was time to get dressed for school the other morning. J* flipped out, said NO! and kicked him in the nuts. Yes, really.

This afternoon, he was watching an episode of a Cartoon Network show on my laptop, and the screen saver came on after about 10 minutes, but before his show was over. He got aggravated (so quickly, as if a switch was thrown), and started grunting and kicking. Hubby fixed the computer, but he grunted more, unsatisfied in the solution to the visible problem. We asked what was wrong, and all this kid would do was grunt and kick for about 20 minutes. I got overwhelmed and went upstairs to call the doctor, but hubby stuck with it and tried to get him to verbalize his feelings. No go.

This went on, with J* rolling on the floor, grunting and kicking, until he came across a catalog for Halloween costumes. He picked it up and began looking through it. Episode over. Switch flipped.

We realize we have not been handling things right in the past, by punishing him for the kicking or the acting out. Or we'd take away a toy, or turn off the tv or -insert punishment here-. We've tried to bribe him with promises of candy and toys. But it all hasn't worked.

So now I'm reading "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It seems so logical and sensible, but in our effort to employ the ideas of the book in handling J* this afternoon, we failed miserably.

I'm upset and scared. What is really wrong?

Overdue update

2009-08-26T18:41:00.002-05:00

We had an utterly unbelievablly fantastic time with Coop's bio-fam. Lovely. Memorable. Touching. Fun.

Here's a pic of Coop and his bio-sibs, who were all created on the same day in the same petri dish back in 1997. But they are 9, 6, and 2 years old. And they all have their own look, right?

upcoming fun!

2009-07-31T18:39:00.003-05:00

We are having special guests for the weekend! Cooper's bio-family are coming down for the weekend to visit us, and take a trip to the Statue of Liberty! Since we are very bad local tourists, both me and the hubs have never been (despite being born and raised within 45 minutes of the statue). Needless to say, we are all going together. We are excited!

In other news, J* has started Tae Kwon Doe this week. He's really enjoying it! And we are hoping for some energy outlet, and learning of discipline and respect. He has gotten quite difficult in the past weeks . . . perhaps the thought of Kindergarten is overwhelming him?

Here is my big boy, on graduation day from Pre-K.

Five Years

2009-07-10T18:59:00.002-05:00

Five years ago today, about this time of the evening, we got the call. M* was in labor, and we had to get to Florida pronto. Unfortunately, it was a Sunday. He was born 11:50pm, but we weren't there. We met him about 11 hours later when we walked into that hospital room and fell in love.

Five years later, that love has exploded into immeasurable amounts.

Happy Birthday big boy!

First picture with mommy:

The first "moment" . . . .

2009-06-13T20:13:00.002-05:00

of way too many, I'm sure.

One of J*'s 2nd cousins told him he's adopted.

Not such a big deal, but J* didn't understand the word in the context. I wasn;t there, so don't now the situation. I was at a bridal shower and hubby was working. J* was with my FIL and the men of that side of the family at my in-laws pool while we were trapped at bridal shower hell ;)

This 8 year old boy is certainly not malicious or mean in any way I have ever seen, so I don't even know how it came up. My FIL actually didn't tell me until today (saturday, and the shower was last Sunday). The boy said it to J* and J* went to his grandpa to ask why he said it.

My heart broke the instant I heard this.

How many times after this first moment will he have to deal with such a question? It takes my breath away.

Now, it really was just a mishap that J* didn't understand the boy's meaning. J* knows he grew in another woman's tummy. He even knows her name by heart. He mentions her a lot. He knows what state he was born in. He knows his brother came from NH too. He knows the situation . . . just not the word. ADOPTED.

So we talked about it tonight. He understands its just another word for what he has always known. The truth. Just not the label.

An he had the perfect answer to my question of what would he say if someone asked him/told him that again?

"DUH! Of course! My mommy and daddy chose me!"

I love every single morsel of that kid.

true momma

2009-05-07T17:51:00.002-05:00

you know you're truly a momma when you give up front row Yankee tickets so your 4 1/2 year-old son can go to a baseball game with his grandpa.

I'm so grown-up!

words, they come a-tumbling

2009-05-05T05:29:00.002-05:00

The Coop brings home a new word every day now! Horse! Nose! Fruit! Pasta! Manny! (Handy Manny if you're curious).

And he is connecting things in that adorable little brain of his . . . he points to the stainless coffee cup and says Dada! He points to the ratty slippers by door and says Mama! Brilliant, I say!

And of course he can now connect words too - that little overachiever! More bubbles! No Mama! Bye bye Dada! And, of course, MORE PASTA!

It's me!

2009-04-27T15:11:00.000-05:00

I guess I suck even more than I thought! I haven’t made a blog post in over two months. So sorry! (not that anyone is even still reading . . . .)

But if anyone is still checking in on us, you’re in luck! I started my new (old) job last week, and now I can blog again. Actually, its all I can do. Most of the internet is blocked . . . so I can’t Facebook, Ravelry, shop, visit message boards, see Flickr pictures, or look up most other things. BUT, I can blog in Microsoft Word and post it when I get home. So that’s the plan.

Now, on to the interesting stuff! Today is a big day in our house! J* is registering for Kindergarten! And . . . Cooper starts his first day in the big boy room at daycare! Wow, both my boys are getting so big. If you know me, then you know I am quite happy about this. The baby stage is just so hard for me for some reason.

It looks like Coop will be moving to a big boy bed soon too. He refuses to go to sleep in his crib, and if we move him in there after he falls asleep, he screams his head off if he wakes up in the night, and is inconsolable until you bring him to a bed or the couch. Sigh. I have failed twice as this sleep thing. Oh well, at least they eat vegetables, right?

Cooper got a real haircut yesterday too. Now he really looks like a big boy. No more curls! But it looks so much better. Before, he looked like a mad scientist by the afternoon with those curls sticking up! Hopefully I can post a picture later.

Yes, I suck

2009-02-16T17:32:00.002-05:00

Get your filthy mind out of the gutter! I suck at blogging, yo!

Quick note to say hello, and to confirm that its just the same old continuous madness in our household. J* woke up in the middle of the night screaming Ouchie!!! over and over, which meant he had a raging ear infection. Now on ABs and drops and 12 hours of TV, he's doing fine.

The Coop, on the other hand, is the healthy one, for once! Those ear tubes are golden. He is talking up a storm, saying apple, birdie, car, tree, fish, baby, ball, oh yeah, more, and NO! And can this kid eat!?! He SHOVELED in the chopped tomatoes from the Bruschetta at a baptism party last night, and is currently oohing and aahing over ravioli and broccoli.

And least I did one thing right.

PS - that new job is still on hold . . .they froe the hiring to re-evaluate the department's stucture. Will know more on Wednesday.

Facing Another Big Decision

2009-01-22T08:48:00.002-05:00

This one has to do with my career.

I spend 2-3 hours a day commuting into the city for my dream job. I love my job, but it leaves me no free personal time, or time with the boys other than what we spend on dinner, bath-time, and reading before bed. I am worried about when J* starts Kindergarten in the fall, and when they both start after-school sports in a few years. Will I be the mom who CAN'T go to the games?

Its not that I was looking for an immediate solution to these questions. But one popped up yesterday. My old job, which is 4 minutes from my house, is available, and my old boss took me to dinner last night to pursue re-hiring me.

Its not my dream job . . . it'll be a step back in title, and a world away from my current career path (it would be clinical instead of research), but it is an ideal situation in every other way.

So I am faced with the horrible decision of choosing career over family. And its making my stomach very ill.

I think I've done alright so far . . .

2009-01-15T09:21:00.003-05:00

How do you discuss adoption with your children? We read J* a book a lot called "The Day We Met You" and I change some of the words to make it more personalized. I have a book for Cooper, called "Before You Were Born: Our Wish for Baby" that is about frozen embryo adoption. I haven't started with it yet, but I will.

J* remembers the time when Cooper was growing inside me. He says things like, remember when we went to the carnival and I rode the roller coaster by myself, because you had Cooper in your tummy and couldn't go with me?" This kid has a memory like an elephant!

He did ask me once about when he grew in my tummy. We had a short conversation when I explained that he grew in another woman's tummy for us, b/c mommy couldn't grow babies back then. Avery special woman grew him for us, and her name was M*. That was about 8 months ago, if I remember correctly.

About a month ago, he mentioned her name once (and with perfect pronunciation, no less). Last night, my FIL was putting him in my car and was saying how he would miss him while he was in FL for the weekend. The poor man's jaw hit the snowy ground when J* asked him to say hello to M* for him, b/c "she grew me in her tummy, you know".

Unbelievable.

New Pictures

2009-01-06T09:04:00.005-05:00

These were taken last week by Cooper's most loving daycare teacher . . .

J-man and his friend K-man:

Coop playing piano:

Coop eating, then inspecting, his banana:

I'm still here!

2009-01-06T08:37:00.003-05:00

Sorry for the quiet . . . I got overwhelmed with holiday stuff from before Thanksgiving, and am just digging myself out from under it all now.

I am making a NY resolution to blog at least once per week. If I don't, please yell at me!

The boys are doing great . . . Coop is talking more and more, and J* is turning into such a little man and a great big brother. Will post a more detailed update with pictures very soon.

Double pinky swear.

Decision made

2008-11-17T14:08:00.003-05:00

We've decided that we don't want to add to our family anymore. We are happy, complete. And knowing that feels really nice. Thank you all for your comments. You guys are the best!

A big decision

2008-11-04T08:17:00.000-05:00

The quandry in a nutshell . . . Cooper's bio family have been storing 3 remaining embryos. They have decided their family is complete. They have offered them to us, or they will be discarded.

Storage fees are $400 per year. I kinda think we're done too, financially, physically and emotionally. But how can I be sure?

What would you do?

The Winnahhhhhh!

2008-11-01T09:33:00.001-05:00

The winner is Nurse Mommy! I will email you for your address! Thanks to everyone who played in my contest!

Bloggy Giveaway time!

2008-10-28T08:06:00.003-05:00

The Bloggy Giveaway Carnival is back, so I'm offering up the chance to win this hand-crocheted strawberry hat for the baby girl in your life . . . or soon to be! It is made with washable/dryable acrylic yarn, and should fit 6-9 months size.

To enter in my random drawing, please leave a comment here, and be sure to include a valid email address! Entries will be closed on Oct 31st at midnite.

Be sure to check out all the other blogs offering giveaways at The Bloggy Carnival main site!

I have learned my lesson!

2008-10-20T10:09:00.001-05:00

I was changing the Coop's diaper and J* starts dancing around saying he needs to pee. I told him to go (he potties by himself ALL the time), but he wouldn't go without me. He continues to whine when I am elbow deep in baby poop, so I say in my usual snippy, smart-ass response I usually reserve for my husband, "well, just pee in your pants then, if you won't go by yourself". He went back to watching TV, standing by the couch. I thought I bought myself 2 extra minutes.

Boy was I wrong! Yes, he did. He peed himself. And what did I get? "but Mom, you told me too!".

I have learned my lesson. The Hard Way.

Tympanostomy Tube Surgery

2008-10-15T10:10:00.002-05:00

Yep, Coop has ear infection #7, poor little guy. So we saw the ENT yesterday, and he will be scheduled for ear tube insertion (bilateral myringotomy) in about two weeks. Yes, I know its quick,easy and the best thing for him . . . but I'm not worried about him. I'll be a mess, holding my baby as he is put under anesthesia. UGH! Please send all valium this way!

The next Jonas Brothers . . .

2008-10-03T13:32:00.001-05:00

Birthdays, Weddings and Teeth . . . Oh My!

2008-09-17T08:41:00.005-05:00

What a busy month already, and it ain't over!

Cooper only turned one, and he's already celebrating on the Birthday Bell Curve schedule. This is something we came up with in college if your bday fell in the middle of the week. Your Birthday Bell Curve celebration started the weekend before and lasted until the weekend after. Of course, it expanded to a month-long party by the time we were seniors . . . .

Anyway, 3 cakes later, Cooper was officially one-year old. Formula gone. Crawling over. Toddler time has arrived! Unfortunately, so has his 5th ear infection, so he is on close watch. Since he had one a month from June - Sept during NOT primetime sick weather, if he gets one more, he may need tubes. As of yesterday, he had 4 teeth coming in on top - all at the same time. He is still a sweet little guy, despite the pain he must be in! And in grand Coop style, he had an allergic reaction to another antibiotic, this time Cefdinir. It was only a "little rash" this time.

He has a few words/phrases now too . . . Dada, Mama, wha dat?, and Tiger (FIL's cat). He does a mean head shake for a NO! too, LOL!

First cake:

Hubby's sis got married over the weekend, and J* was a ring-bearer . . . in name only. He donned the tux, looked sweet as ever, but wouldn't walk down the aisle. Well, at least we have good pictures.

Happy 1st Birthday!

2008-09-03T07:13:00.001-05:00

Happy, happy birthday to my sweet miracle boy. Cooper, me dear baby, you are growing up too fast! Mama loves you!

mended

2008-09-02T13:18:00.002-05:00

Geez! That Coxsackie virus threw us all for a loop! I finallystarted feeling better on Sunday, 8/31. That's nine days of fever, aches, fatigue and double pink-eye. Hubby and my mom had it too (my mom watched the Coopster on the day his fever was 104.9F, so she got cooties too).

Anyway, we're all better and back to work/school. Just in time for a big birthday celebration around here tomorrow! I can't believe its been about a year to the minute I *finally* went into labor!

It be my birthday, and I'ze be sick

2008-08-25T12:47:00.001-05:00

UGH! Caught the cooties from the kiddos! Happy Birthday to me . . . .

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

2008-08-21T10:40:00.001-05:00

We've had quite a month. We ended July with a week-long stomach bug for both kids. Luckily they resolved just in time for our week long trip to Aruba with my parents, brother, SIL and kids. We had a GREAT time! Jackson learned to doggy paddle without his life vest AND to hold his breath and go underwater! This is a big step for us! Coop loves the water too of course. And we met a baby named Miles that was his twin! My nephew actually went over to Miles when he was crying and said "don't cry Cooper!". It was funny!

Cooper was walking all over the hotel room, and now he is just toddling all over. Its sad to see his babyness slowly going away, but he gets to walk down the aisle at my SIL's wedding in Sept, so that's great! I really wanted him to do that with Jackson, who is the official ring bearer.

On the flight home from Aruba, Jax spiked a high temperature and was screaming that his eyeballs hurt. We got home and he was 104 degrees. Turns out he had Coxsackie virus, with the blisters in his throat and everything. He missed 4 days of school last week. Of course, lo and behold, Cooper got it last Friday afternoon, and has been sick ever since. He went as high as 104.9 degrees. I have NEVER seen that high a temp before! Its so scary! But he's on the mend . . . no fever today, just quarts of snot. Lovely!