Confessions of a Proud YP

<_<

2008-07-24T22:41:00.000-07:00

I hate standard. Hate, hate, hate it. I can drive it though, and I held up my side of the deal, and I now officially own a 2005 white sunfire :) I started driving it to school today, and it wasn't very much fun! I was going up Alder (hill) and apparently your supposed to lower your gears on a hill but I didn't know that so I stayed in 3rd gear and the car started like shaking and going really slow : There were cars behind me to and I could see in my mirror that the guy behind me wasn't impressed. I was freaking out because I had NO IDEA what to do! I just turned into the city building to stop and take a breathing and some how make it up that hill. I called my step dad, he said not to go pasr second gear until I'm up the hill.

I made it to school in one piece but I did stall a few times on my way up. I hope I get the hang of it soon, its really scary driving standard for me right now. When I'm coming to a stale green light I have this little freak out in my head "DON'T TURN RED! IF IT TURNS RED I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN STOP FAST ENOUGH" etc. andI also hate turning, I'm kind of slow to start and at getting to 50 so I don't like to turn unless theres no cars for awhile. I'm sure cars behind me don't appriciate this but oh well.

When I dropped Telesa off at daycare today I did my usually *waves* "Bye Telesa, I love you! *blows kisses* and then she looked at me, smiled big and waved! She can also go from laying down to sitting up and is doing this weird, but still a crawl, crawl! Summer school is already almost over! I'm continually doing well, right now I'm at a 'B' but I'm working on an 'A'!

Photoshoot :)

2008-07-20T12:51:00.000-07:00

I love these pictures :) Some of the bigger images appear to be a little pixelated, because I saved these to my computer from facewbook, then uploaded them on facebook, and then these pictures are from links from facebook. So trust me this post doesn't do these pictures justice! If you havn't already, add me on facebook and have a look at them! They look much better there :) But when your adding me leave a note saying your a blogstalker or I might not know who you are! I tend to send messages to people I don't know and I always feel like a bad person for not knowing them! lol, search Ellie Parton or my e-mail el_03_3@hotmail.com and don't be shy to message me or comment here :)

I Just Want to Know Why

2008-07-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

Now that I've had some time to breath from my negative experience on saturday I can discuss what I was mostly upset about, in a less angry way. What I really don't understand is why the rude lady, we'll call her Deb for the heck of it, was so negative to begin with. I realize and regret that a mojority of teen moms are sterotyped as being bad, unfit, uncaring, unprepared, selfish, (the list goes on), parents, and I hate it. Call me crazy but this feels nothing short of racism to me, assuming I'm a bad parent because of my age doesn't seem much different to me than assuming a black person is in a gang.

A great mommy blogger BT Stars was told while pregnant by another rude lady that she was disgusted in her "flaunting" her "situation" when really she was just pregnant and in no way flaunting anything. What I want to know is why do women do this to begin with? What are their motives? What do they hope to acomplish with their rude remarks and snide glares? I mean really, what good can come of it?

Thats what makes ME really upset, is that its totally unnessacary. I can understand why they wouldn't agree with it, as some people have very strong moral beliefs, and I respect that, I really do, but I may not have the same beliefs as you or the next person and one of my beliefs is that "to each his own". Let me live my life the way I want to, and you can live your life the way you want to. We don't need to agree with lifestyles or choices, and that's okay. Whats not okay with me though is making someone feel less of themselves for making choices or leading a life that you consider "bad" because of your beliefs. I realize my situation is not "ideal" in any way and I am also a big believer that waiting to have children is a better option but you can't change fate and I was just ment to have my daughter young.

That does not make me a bad person, or a bad mom. That does not make me some trailor trash low life who will live off the government for the rest of my life. Contrary to what "Deb" and other women like her may believe, it has made me a stronger and better and more well-rounded person. I actually care a great deal about school now and attend daily on time and do homework and I give it 110%, something I never could have seen me doing before. I was going down a road I shouldn't have and my daughter set me straight and I am so much happier because of it.

I can understand why someone wouldn't agree with the life I live, but why make me feel worse for it? Why on Earth would anyone want to bring me down for taking responsiblity for my actions? In my opinion it is a much better route than abortion and I felt and still feel mature and responsible enough for the task of parenting even though you may not agree. What good can come of such a negative attitude? The answer is none, so please any "Deb's" reading this, stop with the harsh judgements and negativity. You just add more stress and sadness and its not okay to do that to anyone regardless of your beliefs. If you don't agree with it, thats okay, but you can still be kind and nice and still not agree with it. You can tell me I have a cute baby, and you can compliment her wardrobe, and even offer advice like "They grow up so quickly". By doing so, you'll feel like a better person because of it, and I will walk away in a better mood than I did before our encounter, and guess what, you still don't agree, but atleast some good came of it.

This is a New One

2008-07-12T16:33:00.000-07:00

I've heard people say a lot of things regarding me being a teen mom, but this one is new. I was at superstore today browsing the baby clothes when this lady and her toddler came by. Her toddler got excited "BABY!" and the mom replied "Yes, a baby..." and then turned to the lady she was with, her mother I believe it was, and said "Babies (speaking in a foreign language) (speaking in a foreign language) teenagers". Now I may not have understood most of what she said, I don't even know what language she was speaking, but I heard the two most important parts loud and clear. "Babies" and "teenagers", shes clearly talking about me. Did she honestly think she was fooling me by speaking another language, as if I didn't understand what she was saying? By her tone and what I understood, she was being a judgemental b*%(#, to say the least.

First of all, what the hell gives her the right to judge ME? She doesn't know anything about me or my situation. She can go to hell. Yeah I'm young, but excuse me WHEN DID AGE BECAME A MERIT OF GOOD PARENTING? Oh thats right, it didn't, she just ASSUMES the worst because of my age. Didn't her mother ever tell her when you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME? Please get off your high horse you old hag, or it'll be a lonely pedestool up there.

Like honestly, how can someone judge someone just based on age? I don't think she would like it if I made assumptions about her because she was clearly a foreinger. She has NO RIGHT to make those assumptions, and only God can judge me. If she took the time to actually get to know me, she would see I'm a GREAT mom whos going back to school, and is going to be going to college/university and and doing everything in my power to provide the best life possible for my daughter and that I love her more than all the fishes in all the oceans and all the stars up in the sky. That she is truly a blessing and the best thing that ever happened in my life and that I am so happy to have her. Of course she wouldn't know any of that though her nose was far to stuck up to see anything beyond her harsh judgements of a situation she knows nothing about. She needs to take that stick out of her a$$ and join the real world where life isn't perfect and doesn't always go as planned.

the 10 moth not being peed on by your baby record, whats yours?

2008-07-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

I was peed on tonight! I'm actually surprised I made it this long without being peed on yet, I mean shes almost 10 months old that's got to be some kind of record! Don't be jealous though, I've been pooed and puked on to many times to count. To be honest I would much rather be peed on. It was after her bath, she was still in her towel and we went to grandmas room to say night nights when I felt an unwelcome warm sensation trickling from my stomach to my toes. 'Uh Oh that's gross' I thought, but I didn't really care all that much, I mean shes my baby. I did have to pass her off to Grandma though so she could get her dressed while I showered. I didn't mind being peed on but I wasn't about to sleep in it!

I also had that math test today that I was talking about in my last post. I got 14/20, which is 70%, so I got a B on it. I was hoping to get at least 80% but that means I will have to try harder next time. Last night I didn't even have time to finish even half of the review questions, I know I will be more prepared the next test we have. We started a new unit today and I'm very thankful that so far its easier than the last unit and I'm having a much easier time understanding it.

Time? What Time?

2008-07-07T21:43:00.000-07:00

I need more TIME! There honestly is not enough time in a day for everything I want to do! Its crazy I wake up and before I know it, its time for bed. I'm so jam-packed busy between school and Telesa and just everything in between that I don't know where the time goes. For example, Telesa will be ten months old on the 17th, uhm what? When did that happen? How is my little new born baby suddenly 10 months old? Oh right, time, hmm... that went surprisingly fast, yet somehow surprisingly slow at the same time. Its hard to explain haha, it feels like forever ago that I had her, but also like I just had her, am I crazy or do you other moms ever feel like this too?

I'm getting off topic tough, back to my issue with not enough time. I want to finished principles 10 and Social Studies 11 by august 2, I know I'll finish principles 10 by then because its a class, but SS11 is at my own pace and because if my time shortage I only got half a chapter done. Not only school wise, I haven't hit the gym in about two weeks! I have every intention of going and I really do want to, but I just can't find the time! My room is an absolute mess, same with my bathroom. I don't even have time for this post that I'm writing, I should be doing math homework. I think I'll go do that actually, I have a big test tomorrow. I'll let you know how I do, wish me luck!!!!!

Being Happy kind of Scares Me

2008-07-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

Today I had what I would consider a really good day. I have absolutely no complaints about today! Telesa didn't have one fussy moment and was good for me all day, I even got to shower and had time to straighten my hair. My mom took her to a soccer game so I had some time to do math homework, and then I had a math tutor help me and I'm actually starting to really get it. Once I started to understand it, it kind of got fun! My friend came by to show me her new car! It was really nice, I think it was a civic, she got a red one. We drove around for a bit, had a good time. When it was time for bed Telesa was all smiles, and didn't cry when I was getting her dressed or anything like that. We just enjoyed quiet play and then I nursed her and then rocked her to sleep with minimal effort. I even transferred her with hardly a startle (for the record, shes a hard transfer, I usually have to be in super stealth ninja mode when I'm laying her down and I usually fail in my first attempt).

So what, why, how can I possibly be worried today of all days, on this particularly good day, you might ask? Well, I believe you have to pay for your good day. On average it's one good day for every three bad days. I'm worried about how the next few days are going to be if today was so good. Whats going to happen, why I got to have such a good day? I know, this doesn't sound like my happy optimistic self here but really no one can have a good day every day. Your probably thinking I should just shut up and enjoy my good day while I have it, and your right, but I can't help but think about those days that are sure to come. You know what I'm talking about, the days where nothing seems to go right, your plans fall apart before your very eyes, your baby wants you and no one else, and is extremely fussy no matter what you do.

Sometimes I kind of wish that there were no bad days, but that would also mean no good days. It would be just days where nothing bad happens but nothing good happens either. I think the good days are pretty worth it though, those days where you can't stop smiling and everything seems funny. Yeah, being stressed out to the point of just wanting to crawl in a hole for say the next ten years isn't fun but if you didn't have those days sometimes you could never appreciate those good days for what they really are: great days.

Schools out for summer!!!!!! -- NOT

2008-07-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

I started summer school today. I forgot how hard math can be! I'm doing principles of math 10, which is the hard math. I took essentials in grade 10 and 11, which is the easy math but you can't go anywhere with it. If I want to go to college, which I obviously do, I need to upgrade. Good-bye summer fun at the lake, hello being stuck in a hot classroom haunched over a calculator. Oh well, it will be worth it. One day when I'm making big bucks as a nurse I'll be glad I worked as hard as I am right now.

Anyways I'm going to keep this post short, because I have lots of math homework to attend to!

FREE car?

2008-06-30T05:41:00.000-07:00

If you read my post from Friday, you'd know that I drive my moms car to go to school and that she really wants it back. Well, in a desperate attempt to reclaim her car, we made a deal. My step dad has a white sunfire from around 2004. Its an okay car, it looks nice on the outside, I can't say the same for the inside though. The big problem for me is that it is a standard, and that I can't drive standard.

However, if I can successfully learn to drive standard in two weeks, she will give me the sunfire. As in, put the car in my name and have it for free, it will be MY car kind of deal. That sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me and I'm totally up for trying. I took the car out yesterday and successfully drove it around the reserve without stalling! However I did stop on the slightest inclination of a hill (it could hardly be called a hill) and even then I started rolling back! I'm not sure what you call it, but it started like shaking a few times to and I may not have stalled but there were some close calls.

I will keep practicing, because a free car is way to good of an offer to turn down. I just hope I can get good at a standard in two weeks. I don't think I made it clear how bad I am at standard, I am horrible at it. I would not trust my driving standard with Telesa in the car, its mainly a safety thing, and that its not. I'll keep you posted though.

When routines bite you in the butt

2008-06-29T21:26:00.000-07:00

I'm really good when it comes to following Telesas bedtime routine: bath, book, song, then bed. Most of the nights I'm more than happy to do all of these things, some nights I'm tired and only do them because I have to. Tonight was either of those nights, I was so tired and just feeling really lazy after a long HOT day. It was her bedtime and she was really tired and super fussy so I knew bath time would be more of a chore than fun play time tonight. I decided to do something I do once in a blue moon: skip the bath.

I read to her and sang to her as usual, and I tried to rock her to sleep and she only got more mad. In a desperate attempt for quietness I nursed her hoping that would put her to sleep. Nope, that just refreshed her and she was more awake than before I nursed her, great. I don't think I've mentioned this before, but Telesa can be very determined when it comes to staying awake if she doesn't want to go to sleep. There's stubborn, and then there's Telesa, my little trooper.

I love bed time routines, don't get me wrong. I think their great for teaching babies about when its bedtime and routine is awesome, structure is definitely a good thing. The problem is I think it was a little to effective in my case. My daughter refused to go to sleep without that dang bath! I tried to get her to go to sleep for over an hour and a half and wasn't any closer than when I started! Finally, at quarter to 9 (way past her bedtime I might add), I figured I'd just give my little monkey a bath even though she didn't need one because she was swimming earlier and its not like I don't bath her every single day. In the tub, she finally started yawning and rubbing her eyes lots like I wanted her to for awhile. After her bath, it took only ten minutes to get her to go to sleep. Wow, I learned my lesson!

I love my Maja (thats "mother" with an accent, btw)

2008-06-27T20:52:00.000-07:00

I think its time for a post about my awesome mom. There are so many things shes done for me and countless things I want to thank her for, but for this post I will stick to how shes been helping vehicle wise. When I was pregnant, she had a mustang. That car was her baby, and she loved it. Unfortunately it was a two-door and definitely not a family car suited for a baby. She decided to trade it in for a Pontiac Vibe, which we all like, but its just not the mustang. She has to pay more for it and her insurance has gone up in order for me to drive it.

In order for me to go to school, I obviously needed a way to get to school. I don't think I'd be able to go if my mom didn't let me use her car. I can't afford my own car right now, so I just help out with the insurance and we take turns buying gas (which has ridiculous prices WOW but that's a different post entirely). My poor mom, she was excited for summer because she thought I would have the summer off from school and she could have her car back. Well, I'm doing school all throughout the summer... so I still need the car.

I know your a blogstalker mom, I just wanted to say thank you for all the sacrifices you've made for me and Telesa. We love you!

Prom 2008

2008-06-25T16:35:00.000-07:00

PROM WAS SO MUCH FUN! Sorry for the lastness on the post, I've been ~~procastinating~~ busy with school! The day started with getting my hair done, my dates mom was a hairdresser, so naturally I asked her to do it! She did an amazing job, it looked beautiful! I had it down and curly :) As I was going to pay, she told me she would take care of it. I thought it was just the sweetest thing ever, she is honestly just the sweetest and nicest person ever! I also got fake eyelashes, they were subtle and not in-your-face long, the looked very natural.

I totally rocked my dress. It was a beautiful emerald green, strapless, and just suited me perfectly. Once I was all dolled up we went to the foreshore (park) for picture taking. I don't have very many pictures with my camera because my date had a hardcore nice camera so we took pictures with his mainly. I'll post a few up, mainly as a preview. Once I get all the pictures and get a chance to edit them appropriately, I'll do a post with them.

I went to the prom at 6:30, and dinner started at 7. They called different table numbers to go up and get food. Our table was number two, so I assumed it went in numerical order. Wrong. They called random numbers, and ours was called closer to the end. Apparently I was a lot hungrier than I thought, because I couldn't wait to go up and get food. I sat beside my date and his parents, and my life-long friend Richelle and her date, and she has a big family who I'm also related to so I sat by them but not close enough to realy chat with.

Our theme was "Phantom of the Opera". I think my faourite part of the decorations was this chandillier. It was really cool, and they had this empty frame for us to take pictures in. I got one with Huy (date) but the first one the flash didn't go off so you couldn't really see us. Good thing we got a second, where we did a little pose. During the dinner I tried on Richelle silk gloves, and I felt so fancy wearing them. The dinner was awesome, it was really good. I really enjoyed my time, had a lot of fun chatting with Huy and his parents and Richelle. Unfortuneately, Huy had to leave after the dinner because he was getting his black belt the next day (which he did get by the way! Yeah, my prom date was a black belt!). I stayed a little later, after the dinner they did a promonade, where everyone basically walks around and people take pictures. I decided not to participate, because it was mainly for the grads and since I technically wasn't gradding and m date who was wasn't there, it wouldn't be a good idea to do it. After that, they did a "friends slideshow". It was a good slideshow, except it was kind of all the same people. I was in it a few times, it was mostly old pictures that people uploaded to facebook. After that there was some performances, I got kind of bored when they were reading a ton of awknoledgements, and at that point was seriously missing Telesa. I decided it was time to call it a night, my feet were already killing me and I wasn't in a dancing mood.

When I got home my mom was pretty surprised to see me so early. Nevertheless, she gave up her babysitting duties with joy and went to bed because she was really tired. That day was the most time I've ever spent away from Telesa so it was really hard. While it was a nice break, I really missed her at the end of the day. I probably could have went to one of the many after prom parties, but the responsible parent in me said I just really missed Telesa and I should stay home with her.

So, blogspot isn't the best for displaying photos. If any of you blogstalkers has facebook, add me: Ellie Parton (el_03_3@hotmail.com) and you can see pictures of prom and theres also a TON of pictures of Telesa. When you add me just send me a message saying your a blogstalker, if not if I don't recognize you I'll ask who you are haha.

Prom is tomorrow!

2008-06-20T22:18:00.000-07:00

Prom is tomorrow! I am so excited! I don't know if I posted about my dress yet, it was going to be white but I changed my mind last minute and now I'm wearing this stunning emerald green colored dress! Its strapless and its to die for, I can't wait! I know I picked an awesome date, because he went out and bought an emerald green tie to match, even though he hates to wear green! What a trooper eh? lol, I thought it was pretty cute though!

My mom did a "practice" night with Telesa last night, seeing as how shes never watched her at night before. She did a really good job and I don't think she will be needing me at all tomorrow night and I think I can enjoy prom without to much worry!

I was thinking about it, and prom is kind of sad. Like, I know it'll be a ton of fun, but at the same time it will be the last time I will see many of the people I grew up with, the people I've been going to school with for years. Sure, I'll be going back to highschool next year but they won't. I won't be seeing a ton of friendly faces in the hall, only younger people I don't really know. My life long best friend Richelle will be moving to Ontario, because shes going to Queens University (side note: SUPER PROUD OF YOU RICHELLE! You are so smart, and you will do amazing things in your future!). For my blogstalkers who live far away and don't know where I live or where Queens is, lets just say its hundreds of miles apart, basically opposite sides of Canada.

I'm excited, nerrvous, happy, sad, and everything in between! I will probably post sunday on how it went and I'll add pictures as i edit them :)

I'm allowed bad days

2008-06-18T22:35:00.000-07:00

Miss. Overly Optimistic here, bummed to report I'm bummed today. Despite my feeble attempts at seeing everything with a silver lining, the forecast calls for slightly cloudy with a good chance of rain. Why? I'm not sure. I can tell you I'm really starting to feel the stress of school and well, you guys are my blog stalkers, you know... I'm sure you can imagine some of the things I'm stressing about. Prom is this Saturday and I'm really worried about it yet excited at the same time. Money is a big concern, hair, make-up, and everything else adds up amazingly fast! Also, Telesa hasn't gone a night without me I don't know how she will handle it. I don't know how I will handle it. Will I be able to enjoy my prom or will I be picturing a crying baby? I'm trying to get my mom to do practice nights so they get used to each other and so I feel confident leaving her, so I can actually focus on having a good time. Hopefully it'll be a great night, and not a night filled with stress. Either way, I'll look stunning in my dress with my hair did, and I'll be sure to take lots of pics and post some here for all of my faithful readers, whoever you are :)

Oh, and don't worry about me. Sometimes I have days. Not many, but I'm human and I'm allowed to be sad sometimes. I'll probably be my usual the glass is half full self by the morning (I hope).

The glass is half full.

2008-06-15T09:43:00.000-07:00

I think its important to take a moment to reflect on all the good things I got going for me and look at the positive aspect of not to good things. Well I think the best and most obvious thing is that I have a beautiful daughter who I love more than life itself. She brings me so much joy, I am so much happier now than I have ever been in my entire life. Every time I think it couldn't be possible to love her any more than I already do, she does somethings that makes my heart swell with pride .

I have good friends and good family, who I know would die for me. Sarah is HOME and she has been there for me from the beginning, she was the first person I told about the pregnancy. My mom has been super supportive and helpful whenever I need her going above and beyond my expectations.

I'm a young mom, and a lot of people might see that as a negative thing but I love it. I'm a better person for it and I have high hopes for my future. When I'm forty Telesa will already be graduated and moved out. I may have lost my "young years" but it was more than worth it and I get to really enjoy my "old years".

I'm a single mom, and sure being a single parent has its hard spots but there's a lot of positive aspects to it. I got to choose Telesas name, no arguments, no settlements, no one to 'veto' my favourite names. I get to decide how to raise her. No one to tell me that co-sleeping is bad or any of the other decisions I made as a parent. I can raise her as I see fit. It sucks that I have to pay for everything but at the same time I can take pride that I am the sole provider for my daughter. See that cute outfit shes wearing? I bought it. That toy shes playing with? I bought it. You get the picture. Plus I know I won't be single forever, I'm a pretty good catch in my humble opinion. I'm easy on the eyes, nice, somewhat funny, and overall I have a good personality and after college/university I will have a great career. Plus, I think I have a good attitude about life, I try to ignore the negative and focus on the positive! Best of all I get Telesa ALL TO MYSELF and there's no competition for love, we both love each other more than anyone else.

ZOMG sarahs home!!!!!!!!!

2008-06-11T21:50:00.000-07:00

SARAHS HOME! If you read my fast track page, you'll know exactly who Sarah is. Shes my best friend, Telesas Godmother (who she calls Aunty) and for lack of better terms the baby daddy, not litterally of course, but all throughout my pregnancy till she left for Mexico, she definitly played that roll. She left in November to volenteer at an orphanage and had plans to come back around now but changed them until September when I was expecting her back. Imagine my shock when I seen her today! It was a total surprise! I couldn't even help myself I yelled "SARAH?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and gave her a big hug and started crying, and told her shes never allowed to leave me again.

She is going back, I think shes going to Alberta at some point to. I'm not to sure, I'll have to get the details from her tomorrow. She brought back the most beautiful dress from Mexico, its really dressy but I'm gunna dress Telesa in it tomorrow. I'm thinking thats what she can wear to my prom pictures. Speaking of tomorrow, my poor girl is getting more shots. They are seriously never ending. I know they are for her best or whatever but it makes my gut sink all the unknowns about vaccinations, what if down the road they discovered vaccines are more damaging than helpful? I guess all I can do is hope for the best.

I feel pretty stupid asking this, but I'm still fairly new to the blogging world. I'm still figuring out my RSS feed thing, but I think I have it figured out. What I'm confused about is what exactly is a blogroll? A recent commenter (who happens to be one of my favourite bloggers) is adding me to her blogroll, and I want to add her back. But I don't have a blogroll. Theres a few I want to add actually, like jessicaclaire.net! I love looking at her wedding pictures.

"Wow, thats sucky..."

2008-06-09T20:56:00.000-07:00

So, I was talking to this person in the library today, and I just kind of assume everyone knows I have a baby because its high school, right? Well, apparently this person didn't know somehow, and I brought Telesa up I think I said "my daughter" or something to that effect and he just kind of looked at me stunned and confused. Then I got confused because hello, who doesn't know I have a baby in this school? It really threw me off guard.

He was all "What?" and I was all "yeah I have an 8 month old..." and hes like "whoa why'd you have a baby so EARLY:"

He was all in shock and I was all thrown off that he didn't know and just his general shock. I muttered and mumbled but couldn't really figure out what to say. I mean I know I had her young but I'm really happy about it and I'm not used to people referring to her as "sucky". Its not like my grandpa just died, no need to bring out the "s" word.

It REALLY threw me off if I didn't make that clear enough, I just said something about how she was a good thing and got me on the right path or something, because that's all I could think of to say at my time of extreme-off-throwness (that's so not a word, I realize this, but we can pretend).

Now I kind of want to go back to him and be like "I love my daughter more than I even knew was possible and she makes me happier today than I have ever been in my entire life. She gives purpose to my life and a reason to be a good person. Being a young mom is the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done and is the furthest thing from "sucky" I can think of." or something along those lines.

I really hate being thrown off like that.

Pick Cha's

2008-06-06T19:48:00.000-07:00

Back in March the Young Parent Program (YPP) had a photo shoot for us! I just got the pictures today, and wanted to share them with my blog stalkers! On probably wendsday ish I'll be posting pictures from my shoot with Alaina from yesterday :)

On another topic, I finished earth science with 88% and English 11 with 86%! YAY! I jut started family studies 11 today, if I work super hard I can get it done before summer so I can work on family studies 12 over the summer :)

Anyways, here are my favourites from the YPP shoot. Enjoy.

Oh My Jeeze, I Must Be CRAZY!

2008-06-03T20:17:00.000-07:00

HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS? Is what I have been asking myself over and over. Today, I realized I want to be a nurse, not just a nurse, I want to be an RN, and I want to go to UVIC to get my bachelors of science in nursing. I took the easy math so I will be going to summer school to get math principles 10 (the hard one) so I can take principles 11 and 12 next year. My class schedule looks something like this: First semester A) Biology 12 B) Principles 11 C) Geology 12 D) English 12 and Second semester A) Chemistry 11 B) Physics 11 C) Principles 12 D) Social Studies 11. Can you say FULL LOAD? My easiest class with be geology, oh boy, what have I gotten myself into? But I really want to go to UVIC and this is the only way I'll meet their requirements! If I don't get accepted though I'll go to NIC because their requirements are super easy compared to UVICs.

Either way, its a four year course. This will be SO hard I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around HOW I'm going to do it all. Hey moms, got any good time management advice? My main concern is how I'm going to find time to do homework and study for the next five years!

Its about time

2008-05-29T20:23:00.000-07:00

Sleep Training. Oh. My. God. It is hard work. I just keep telling myself "short term work, long term reward" and so far its been keeping me going. There are so many ways to sleep train your baby its not even funny, it took me so long to start because I've spent hours reading about the different ways trying to figure out what was good for us. There's two main ways: Cry-it-out and non-cry-it-out, and many variations on each. I am an attachment style parent so I decided non-cry-it-out would be better for me and Telesa, although I hear cry-it-out works wonders for some family's. After reading the many variations and approaches, I finally made a plan and I'm sticking to it.

Telesas main problem is she relys on me to go to bed (by "me" I mean my boobs, she almost always needs to be nursed to sleep). Not only does she not take the bottle so she can't eat without me but she can't even sleep without me, two things that babies are all about! Can you blame me for feeling a little trapped sometimes? I can't see her budging on the bottle thing, but on Monday night I refused to put her to sleep by nursing or ever again. I am proud to say she no longer needs the boob to fall asleep! It was hard work though. I'm going to repeat to make sure you understand: It was hard work. HARD work.

I started off with our bedtime routine of a bath and then topped her off with the boob and got to work. I starting walking and swaying and patting her bum to get her to go to sleep. Once she realized she was falling asleep without ~~boob~~ me she started crying. That was the first time I've ever let her cry and wow was it hard. It broke my heart to hear her cry for me and it took all my strength not to just nurse her but I knew in the long run this was better for her. She cried for about 45 minutes before she gave up and fell asleep. When she woke up, I'd rock her back to sleep. I'd only nurse her If I thought she was hungry, and would take her off before she fell asleep. The second night it took 30 minutes, the third night 20, and tonight 7 minutes. At daycare shes starting to nap better and without me. I've managed to get Macbeth done as a result of my extra time in school for her not needing me to sleep. I can now safely go to prom without worrying about my daughter not sleeping without me. I have a little bit more freedom. It was hard work but totally worth it.

Beauty and the Beast

2008-05-23T21:38:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone reads my blog on a regular basis but if you do, I'm sorry its been so long since my last post I'll try to post more frequently from now on. I don't even have an excuse for not posting lately, things haven't been any more havoc than usual.

Tonight I went to "Beauty and the Beast" put on by my schools musical theatre class. I tried to bring Telesa but I think shes to young for plays, because it really scared her. She was totally fine out in the halls but as soon as i brought her in the dark loud room full of people she would start fussing, and I can't say I blame her. I called my mom, and it was Grandma to the rescue. She picked Telesa up for me to watch until the show was over, at least, that was the plan. I got a call during intermission, she was crying and was inconsolable. By the time I got home my poor baby cried herself to sleep. For the record, I'm an attachment style parent and for my daughter that is not okay. Needless to say when I seen her sleeping yet clearly distraught I felt absolutely terrible. I felt really bad, like a really selfish bad mom.

Then I felt bad for Huy who I had to leave behind at the play so I could attend to my daughter. Thankfully hes a really understanding guy, and I respect him that much more for it. Its just really hard sometimes, because every time I try to have somewhat of a life this happens. I really need to start getting more time to myself for just me. I feel really selfish saying that, but I think I'm slowly losing myself right now. I'm becoming less "Ellie" and more "mom" everyday and I'm afraid one day I won't recognize myself. I'm having a hard time describing this feeling, but its like I am so wrapped up in taking care of Telesa its hard to find time to take care of me. I didn't really know who I was exactly before I was pregnant and now I'm even more confused. What I do know though is that I'm a very strong and determined person, who loves her daughter to the moon and back.

She hates crawling, but loves rolling.

2008-05-15T20:35:00.000-07:00

DON'T Call Me a MILF Please

2008-05-11T23:32:00.000-07:00

I would much rather someone tell me I'm a good mom than tell me I'm "hot". It's not hard to be pretty, but being a good mom takes a lot of effort and work. Is it just me or is the MILF thing getting old? I always take it as "Mom I'd Like to Facebook". I really hope guys don't consider that a compliment, same with "Yummy Mommy". I guess one of the downfalls of being a young mom is I'm a hot mom, or *shudder* "MILF". I don't know why but I'm almost insulted by the term. I prefer "beautiful" or something like that. But my best and favourite compliment is always about my parenting skills, or about Telesa. Basically any compliment surrounding Telesa makes me happy :)

Aww shes so cute shes starting to sleep on her side and she looks so sweet right now. I wish you could see adorable she looks right now. Not that she doesn't every second of every day, but especially right now :)

Trips to Emerg., Delicious Dinner, and My First Mothers Day

2008-05-11T20:28:00.001-07:00

What a hectic weekend! I had to take Telesa to the hospital on Friday! It was so scary! She vomited EVERYTHING in her stomach, and about 15 minutes later she started dry heaving and puked up this mucusy stuff. She kept doing it and had diarrhea. She dry heaved another 5 times in the period of two hours and afterward she was so tired she couldn't hold her head up and kept falling asleep. I took her to the Alder medical walk-in but the lady said it'd be about an hour wait and to go to the superstore walk-in. Big mistake. When I went there, this RUDE receptionist tried to tell me she wasn't covered by MSP or something. I tried to tell her she was full status and she does have coverage but she said unless I could fork up $63 before I see the doctor I need to leave. I felt so low at that moment, like one of the poor people in that documentary "Sicko" where people couldn't afford health insurance where greedy hospitals turn down even the sickest people.

I was furious but didn't have the money so I went to the ER because they can't turn you down there and I needed to make sure she was okay. She was fine once we got to the hospital, as it always is, but I was happy she was finally herself. When I went to get a new blue card for her at the front desk, the lady confirmed she was in fact medically covered and there was no reason the superstore walk-in should have turned me down. I officially hate them now. I got to the ER a little after 4, and didn't see the doctor until after 7. I was so not impressed. I was however impressed with how good Telesa was waiting, even not considering the circumstances. It wasn't until 7 ish (close to her bed time) that she got really fussy and cried a lot. I walked around the nurses station with her while she was crying, let Telesa tell them to hurry it up already. She was fine when the doctor seen her and didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know. I pretty much wasted my time there but it was important just to rule out anything serious. He wasn't able to tell me what was wrong with her but I suspect she had a stomach flu because she had the exact same symptoms I did when I had the stomach flu a couple months ago. Poor baby girl!

I went for a Mothers day dinner with the other young moms on Saturday, it was lots of fun. We went to Kotos, a delicious Japanese restaurant. Then today I had a really awesome first mothers day! It was really exciting :) I got the spray on tan I wanted! Well, a certificate for one, I'll be making an appointment tomorrow. I went swimming with Brock and Richelle. Telesa had a blast, although she was a little unsure what to think of it in the beginning. I got lots of pictures, but I am now waiting to get them from Brock's camera, so I can't show you them just yet. I also went to the farmers market and went shopping with Brock and got gas. Gas prices really suck.

"I Eat because I am Unhappy, and I'm Unhappy because I Eat"

2008-05-09T14:41:00.000-07:00

I am going to lose the last ten pounds before my daughter turns 1. It has been my goal since giving birth to lose all of my "baby fat" before she turns one. I weighed 120 before I was pregnant, and just over 180 a week before delivering. I didn't weigh myself shortly after for fear of what the scale would say but a few weeks after her birth I weighed 155 (this was after losing weight in the first few weeks, I don't want to know what I weighed right after). After that the pounds seemed to fall off for me. In the matter of months I went down to 135 without even dieting or exercising. I thought "at the rate, I might even be skinner than before"! Wrong, I just stopped losing weight and started gaining again, I'll blame it on the nachos. I have been trying so hard these past few months to even just get in the 120's but alas I weigh about 133 now.

My plan: Work it off. I joined the gym today, and will attempt to eat healthy. But I don't eat vegetables, so that will be hard. It wouldn't be the end of the world to me if I never lose the weight, but the thing is, I bought my prom dress a little to small back in Febuary as motivation to lose weight by my prom this June. Crap, that's in what? Six weeks or so and I need to lose about ten pounds to fit it nicely. Worst comes to worst I can suck in and it'll just be extremely tight. I mean who needs to breath, breathing is so last season.