tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182908352009-11-22T19:43:25.078-05:00There are some words in the English language that convey profound meaning through their sheer ambiguity. Assclown is one of them.tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.comBlogger181125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-58273479242087765242007-07-18T05:12:00.000-04:002007-07-18T04:52:14.852-04:00

Did you know that you can paid to blog? Really. All you have to do is sign up with a service like payperpost.com or Blogitive and post about selected products. I was dumfounded when I realized how much I could and should be making from this otherwise fruitless endeavor. Thus, I have accepted a commision from the tourism industry to promote international travel. Now don't get the idea that I've

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com57tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-17738897989263807152007-07-12T17:47:00.000-04:002007-07-12T18:26:55.787-04:00

Remember back in 2004 when George W. Bush and his handlers were desperately searching for an excuse to invade Iraq. It's interesting that nobody of any significance has yet to ask why we're really there. Regardless, part of the "justification" that was provided to the American people was that Iraq was trying to obtain WMD. Of course, none we're actually found, but one of the myths that were

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-13964959832634426012007-07-11T21:20:00.000-04:002007-07-11T21:14:49.649-04:00

It appears that I've become quite the matchmaker lately, since things between Sassy Blond and Doodoo Brown have gotten serious. Consequently, as an ordained minister, I will be the officiant at their wedding and have prepared the following vows:Reverend TFG: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness an event of an unparalleled holiness: The matrimony of myself and the reception's open

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-39540790786473538752007-07-08T18:16:00.000-04:002007-07-08T21:09:29.331-04:00

I consider myself to be an honest person, sometimes brutally so. I have a deep dislike of people who lie to me and I usually know when this is happening. Thus, most salespeople are already pre-qualified for my personal Douchebag Bin sight unseen. The reason why I mention this is that I've spent the last two days car shopping.In my mind, the customer/salesperson relationship is one of pure

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-82658879785701457962007-07-05T06:43:00.000-04:002007-07-06T05:12:17.330-04:00

Yesterday, I was talking to my father on the telephone. True to form, we covered one of my favorite topics; the state of my inheritance. Despite the fact that I constantly remind him that daily eating is unnecessary and that doctors are for pussies, he still manages to squander my fortune at an alarming rate. In this instance, he informed me that he spent approximately $600 on lawnmower

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-38698768013561813942007-07-03T05:33:00.000-04:002007-07-03T05:36:56.286-04:00

Observed in Baltimore city yesterday. :

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-53418641857301543332007-06-24T13:08:00.000-04:002007-06-24T14:08:07.701-04:00

If you aren't from Baltimore, this won't make a bit of sense. If you are from Baltimore, the same should hold true.Emo KidsA cloud hung over the local scene,and some had been adjudged too mean.Others may have been quite vain,and now suffered the mortal pain.Oh, the anguish. Oh, the grief.This injustice is beyond belief.Curse the grievous injury,from those who refrain from "Yay for me!"Marshal the

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-47547139118395813062007-06-17T22:51:00.000-04:002007-06-18T11:33:43.572-04:00

Ask any old-timer about what is wrong with the youth of today and you will inevitably hear the same complaint: Youngsters nowadays have nobody to look up to. Celebrity icons such as Brittney Spears, Barry Bonds, Tom Cruise, and Eminem can hardly be portrayed as good role models for the younger generation. You would think that with all of the media hype that permeates our culture, there would be

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-23404422604530446792007-06-13T00:35:00.000-04:002007-06-13T00:22:19.737-04:00

I've been rather busy lately. Consequently, this post will provide a veritable cornucopia of crap: 1. New RobotPictureThingy. I'd like to thank Corn Dog for the new and improved robot on my profile picture. Notice that the robot is now smoke free, as am I. Nice bit of photoshopping there:2. Yuppies in da Hood. Silly white folks, nobody said being edgy was going to be easy. The people down there

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-45813625520318960002007-06-06T06:04:00.000-04:002007-06-06T06:27:20.314-04:00

First, we had Karyn Bosnak who is credited with creating the phenomenon of cyberbegging. She was a 20 something TV producer who turned to the worldwide information super-tubeterwebs for financial assistance. As you may already know, Bosnak created a website where she solicited small contributions to accommodate her $20,000 in high interest debt.In that tradition, we had The Greedy Pig Wishlist

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com47tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-21137121055695703502007-05-31T22:34:00.000-04:002007-05-31T22:16:08.956-04:00

Last weekend, I returned to Baltimore via Louisville International Airport aka Standiford Field. After clearing security, I spied a teen aged boy sporting an offensive, yet amusing t-shirt. I smirked and thought, "Wait and see how funny it is when they don't let you on the plane with that." We were both walking through the concourse in the same direction, when he joined a group that was

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-43970640241529493162007-05-29T22:47:00.000-04:002007-05-29T23:07:48.289-04:00

The Queen of Hyperbole introduced the internet to a new word that was created by her kindergartenering daughter. The Princess's discovery was: Fuckorama. Upon discovery, she proceeded to proclaim it loudly about the playground, which is what any one of us would have done given the same circumstances.Unfortunately, the post left us hanging because the Princess of Hyperbole has yet to provide a

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-90175602525202141302007-05-25T05:29:00.000-04:002007-05-25T05:27:00.133-04:00

I had planned to leave the previous post up over the holiday, to allow you to contemplate one of the more visible signs that capitalism is clearly running amok. Sure, American society is careening headlong into an economic catastrophe of unmatched magnitude. And, yes, within the next 25 years, I believe that the world will see levels of warfare and famine sufficient to make Revelations look like

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-55857778587627117152007-05-23T20:38:00.000-04:002007-05-23T20:31:07.194-04:00

This is what I mean when I say things like corporate campaign contributions (and public stupidity) have rendered the American public impotent at the voting booth. Currently, we have a newly minted Democratic majority in Congress. Yet, the petroleum oligolopy is confident enough in its purchased power to undertake some of its most blatant gouging ever. The following chart shows the monthly,

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-78749718855005920662007-05-21T23:34:00.000-04:002007-05-21T23:14:22.045-04:00

As I've mentioned, I started a new job recently and, so far, the job has turned out to be fairly copacetic. So, last week, I agreed to do some part-time work for a former employer. In fact, I giggled like a little girl at the prospect of referring to myself as a consultant. The hilarity was short lived due to an emergency at my primary job that has been requiring me to work 12-16 hours/day. Thus,

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-64397564150449469312007-05-13T21:25:00.000-04:002007-05-14T07:08:43.613-04:00

I hope you don't take offense, but I'd like to kill you. It's not that I have anything against you personally, it's just that I want to kill every single thing on this planet, with the exception of dogs. Now, you are probably thinking that this just sounds like a typical day in the life of Mr. Sunshine-Rainbows-and-Kitten-Farts, but I can assure that is not the case.The cause of current foul

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-8854094341425822322007-05-09T22:05:00.000-04:002007-05-10T04:30:51.281-04:00

If you follow Malnurtured Snay's blog, you know that he is about to graduate from Towson University with an English degree. In fact, he'll be celebrating this accomplishment by attending graduation commando with his tassel tied in a most inappropriate manner. When the dean hands him the diploma on stage, I suggest that he make the sheepskin exchange a quid pro quo proposition, to liven things

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-10447134353393375432007-05-06T16:34:00.000-04:002007-05-06T16:25:42.670-04:00

Today, I will tackle a question that has been plaguing humanity for centuries. No, I won't be providing the meaning of life (I've already taken care of that on myspace), but I can assure you that it will be just as enlightening. As the title of this post alludes to, I am trying to determine whether certain females truly believe that size is important.Obviously, it's not just a simple matter of

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-12937410746166836862007-05-01T21:37:00.000-04:002007-05-01T21:24:41.521-04:00

No matter what I do, I can't stop going back to The Ramblings of a Sassy Blonde to see this picture:I predict that doggy shopping is in my immediate future.

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-43292688353162990012007-04-30T12:21:00.000-04:002007-04-30T20:38:56.035-04:00

Remember the good old days, when you'd have to sneak off in a disguise to a seedy part of town to purchase your orgy butter. Apparently, door-to-door dildo sales have arrived:The sign clearly states, "For Women Only." I am curious as to why my doubledong dollar isn't as good as the next gal's. Oh well, I'll guess I'll stick to the dull, traditional romantic gifts like wine, flowers, and

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-81566193407149377802007-04-25T21:21:00.000-04:002007-04-25T21:06:32.222-04:00

Here's a quiz for you:If you have a $100k/year job, 25 years of seniority, and nobody really makes you work too hard, do you:A. Lay low and ride it out until retirement and pension disbursement?B. Bust your ass and set an example for the less experienced guys?C. Threaten a coworker with a knife over foolishness?C is the correct answer--welcome to my world. It gets better, though.If you are

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-44026531209363200272007-04-22T20:29:00.000-04:002007-04-22T20:19:58.418-04:00

For years, I did what they said couldn't be done. Much like Thomas Edison or the Wright brothers, I ignored the naysayers and persevered. No, I didn't discover electricity or flight. I didn't something infinitely more difficult. I had intimate relations with live, attractive, human females on a twin sized bed. Moreover, the degree of difficulty of this feat was magnified by the fact that I had

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-57361985593851961522007-04-18T05:25:00.000-04:002007-04-18T05:09:37.593-04:00

In lieu of PA system at my workplace, we have a plant wide radio system. I overheard the following on one of the maintenance channels:Mechanic1: How long until we can turn the hydraulics back on?Mechanic2: I need a part first.Mechanic1: What do you need?Mechanic 2: I need a dual connected fluid conveyance apparatus.Mechanic1: What?Mechanic2: I need a dual connected fluid conveyance

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-34101481052266885172007-04-15T16:10:00.000-04:002007-04-15T16:04:05.975-04:00

Depression is a malady that affects over 18 million Americans a year. Some people deal with feelings of sadness by self-medicating with illicit drugs or alcohol. Of course, this only provides a temporary solution, the problem still remains after the individual sobers up. Counseling has proven to be therapeutic for some who suffer from depression--having a trained professional listen to your

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-69698951841274318932007-04-09T17:19:00.000-04:002007-04-09T17:15:54.661-04:00

I'm sure that most of you are familiar with those lame motivational posters that are a decorative staple of many mid-level managers. It's also quite likely that you've seen the Demotivators® series of posters, which spoofs the motivational posters. The Demotivators are funny, but I've come up with several potential additions for them:I'm glad that I could serve as an inspiration for you all. What

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com32