Bluefish Canoe

Newer Posts!

2009-11-21T10:31:00.000-05:00

New posts baby! This week we cure malaria!

Two mini posts and I regular sized post

2009-11-01T21:00:00.003-05:00

As the title says, there are two mini posts and a regular sized post at the new site.

New posts

2009-10-15T10:45:00.001-04:00

I hear there are new posts at this site.

More BFC

2009-10-10T17:28:00.000-04:00

New posts here. Get your new posts.

New posts...

2009-09-30T13:52:00.002-04:00

New posts, better than ever...

New Post

2009-09-23T15:16:00.001-04:00

We got a new post. Also anonymous commenting has been made possible thanks to our friends at Earshot!

http://earshotpresents.com/wp/category/contributions/bluefish-canoe/

BFC bought out

2009-09-21T13:02:00.001-04:00

BFC inc. has a new home. All new posts will be at:http://earshotpresents.com/wp/category/contributions/bluefish-canoe/. We're big time!

Strange Map

2009-09-11T13:12:00.002-04:00

But yet another great Strange Map. How do I get on the Waterslide of Weak Morals? It looks awesome.

Rahm Emanuel Piven

2009-09-10T00:41:00.002-04:00

Sometimes when I hear Rahm Emanuel I think Jeremy Piven. That's just dumb.

How Mike Boddicker Saved America

2009-09-04T11:48:00.004-04:00

Here I present a scenario whereby Mike Boddicker, a major league pitcher from the 1980's and early 1990's, saves our beloved country. Part 1 of the scenario is historically factual, and Part 2 is a projection into the future based on thousands of simulations (in my mind).

Part 1: The Past
In 1988, Lou Gorman, then General Manager of the Boston Red Sox, trades Sox prospects, Brady Anderson and Curt Schilling, to the Baltimore Orioles for Mike Boddicker. Brady Anderson goes on to spawn rumors homosexuality and steroids, and have a pretty good career for an Oriole. Curt Schilling has a Hall of Fame career, and after proving he can win World Series and beat the Yankees, he returns to the Red Sox via trade in 2004. Schilling is heroic for the Sox leading Boston to 2 World Series victories. However, because of his long absence from the team he's always viewed as an outsider, a hired hand; true fan-player love is reserved for homegrown players, or at least players who made their name in Boston.

By August 2009 Curt Schilling has retired, and beloved senator Ted Kennedy has died leaving a Senate seat vacant. Curt Schilling has used his status as a baseball player to publicly voice his conservative political opinions, and Schilling coyly suggests the possibility that he might run for Ted Kennedy's vacant Senate seat.

Part 2: The Future
Schilling responds to the call from The Masses and enters the Senate race (though it turns out The Masses consist of only him and his many calls to Sports talk radio). However, because he never really was a Boston guy (he was born in Alaska for Christ's stake!) he loses the race for Senator. Historians conclude that if he had spent his entire career in Boston he would have won the Senate race, and but for the trade for Mike Boddicker, Schilling would have gone on to take down healthcare reform and destroy America. Thus, Mike Boddicker is revealed as the true hero that he has always been.

Woman Fired for All Caps Email

2009-09-02T10:22:00.001-04:00

this is kind of cool i think.

Natgeo genetic map show

2009-08-31T10:24:00.001-04:00

I watched this show last night. It's pretty good.

The Polliwog

2009-08-25T21:41:00.003-04:00

The Smoked Salmon had a wonderful little, ehh, Polliwog (?) the other day. When The Smoked Salmon was pregnant old dudes approached me all the time and said things like, "oh, man, it's all over...you're life is over." The female version of this was worse. Women approached The Smoked Salmon and launch into unsolicited descriptions of the horrors of their spawning.

So far none of this is has proven true. The delivery was painful but bearable thanks to modern medicine, and for the moment, I am alive.

Anti-hippie website

2009-08-13T09:33:00.002-04:00

Check it out. It's a website designed to prevent hippie genes from disseminating in the wider species pool. A little heavy handed, but I can see where they're coming from.

Why some people suck

2009-08-11T00:22:00.004-04:00

I've been thinking recently about how it's possible for a certain person I know to suck so wholly and with such great magnitude. He's not an angry man, nor particularly difficult, yet in douche bagary he's off the charts. His day from beginning to end seems to revolve around asserting himself as the alpha male, and all around jackass.

He couldn't always have been like this. To get to his station he must have been hard working and thinking at one stage. How is it that with some people age brings them a cautious wisdom (or at least the craggy looks that would suggest such), and some just become asses? I have a theory that in his youth, insecurities acted as a filter blocking some of his more douchie behavior as well as his weaker, hack thoughts. When he concocted some ridiculous thought, nerves caused him to second guess himself and delayed him from acting. With some reflection, he may have been able to see the error of his idea and move on to something else. His brain may have imposed its own natural selection of terrible ideas until finally he stumbled on a reasonable one.

Now he's old and in a position of power. He's accustom to positive feedback and he's internalized it. He's conquered the insecurities of youth and gained confidence. Ideally, this is a good thing--certainly it's a nicer way to live for him--but there are no longer any mental evolution. Thoughts akin to giraffes with short necks or large stupid flightless birds are proliferating. We're in an ice age. We can't have a quagga in charge.

I should note that if this theory is in any way true, then insecurities although not pleasant are actually a good thing. Some of the smartest people I know detest themselves. Think of the converse. Take comedians like Eddie Murphy who start off good and tormented, and then grew old and made fat suit movies. Take rock stars. There was a moment in the late 1980s documented in the Raddle and Rum album/tour movie where Bono added the lyrics "all I have is a red guitar, three cords, and the truth," to the already mediocre, All Along the Watchtown. Could one find a better way to announce a complete loss of self awareness?

Happy Birthday Obama!

2009-08-04T11:03:00.002-04:00

Happy birthday Barack Obama! BFC LLC. has repaid our Federal bailout to commemorate this occasion. Obama is 48 years old.

T&G

2009-07-28T20:27:00.006-04:00

I'm studying for an oral exam tomorrow, but I would like to make some points. Firstly, I will reiterate my love for the Worcester T&G sports writers and my distaste for the leaches at the Boston Globe.

But the T&G is more than just a resource for sports. The Worcester T&G owns the url: www.telegram.com which is commendable in its own right. Moreover, the T&G has the most telling web page nesting structure known to man. From the left, its main subcategories are, "home," "news," (a category regarded as non-redundant), "local," and then "deaths." As a subcategory within deaths we have my favorite section other than sports, the court records section. The court records have a special place as Worcester's answer to facebook. It appears members of the Campos clan have been in trouble--a youth for driving without a license, and a Campos in his prime on an assault and battery charge.

For reasons that are unclear, as another subcategory within deaths, we find World News.

Celebration

2009-07-18T21:19:00.002-04:00

I just celebrated moving into a lead paint free apartment by licking the wall. It tasted ok.

Move

2009-07-18T21:01:00.004-04:00

The most recent drop off in postings is due to a move the Smoked Salmon and I recently undertook. We got movers who were of the skater-punk sort. One had a tattoo of a naked woman surrounded by bottles of whiskey and heroin needles. Naturally, I entrusted all my stuff to them with some reservations, but they turned out to be great movers! The best I've ever worked with. They could carry two boxes of books stacked up, behind their backs--amazing.

Baseball Games Not Independent: Streaks Maybe Real!

2009-07-05T13:40:00.004-04:00

It was long thought by stats nerds that streaks in sports were not real, or at least could be attributed to chance. Any sports fan down to his or her core of course believes in hot hands, hot bats, etc. The statisticians made their argument based on a statistical analysis that assumed that each game was independent of the next. However, it was recently shown by some dude named, Trent Macadder (who I can't find on the Internet), that the games themselves are not independent. This lack of independence throws all the stats out the window, and streaks may again be beyond what can be explained by chance--at least according to the awesome podcast, Radio Lab.

It's here: essential Joe

2009-06-22T22:17:00.003-04:00

Joe Biden Shirts

2009-06-13T23:38:00.005-04:00

Last summer in the throws of Obama zeal, I signed up for emails from the Obama campaign with perhaps too much earnestness. I check the boxes indicating that I am a white, married, American male who is over 30. From that moment forth, my inbox has been the welcome recipient of many, many emails from Joe Biden, or just "Joe" as I've been encouraged to think of him. I've found Joe to be wonderfully relate-able, not just because the Obama campaign's computer algorithm correctly identified us as a demographic match, but because I feel the Joe glow. It's a special radiance that says 'look at me guys, I'm hanging out with the cool kids.' Joe knows the cool kids are just letting him hang out because of his fake id, but he doesn't care.

I've found a tee-shirt that expresses my feelings about Joe Biden as well as a tee-shirt can. It reads "Joe Biden is my homeboy" and for only $3 extra I am able to order it in mint green.

Newly Found Freaks

2009-06-11T08:42:00.002-04:00

Some new underwater freaks were discovered in a trench near Tasmania. For some reason, living in the deep seas makes one evolve see-throughness and/or spikiness.

Murry Hill Song

2009-06-04T07:55:00.001-04:00

This is funny. Also the BFC fantasy team scored 10.5 points last night! I didn't even know that was possible in the post-June 1 era.

Don's Seats at Fenway

2009-05-28T07:06:00.002-04:00

My father's friend Don, a man of great energy and industry, has access to a woman who's family has had the same season tickets to Fenway on the 3B line since the park opened in 1912. My father and Don recently took in a game from these seats I understand.

Fenway's centennial is coming up. As a sox fan, part of me fears how the Boston sports media will gushingly laud people with 100 year old season tickets as part of an overall strategy on the media's part to make the centennial as cheesy as possible.