Simply Jews

A random wisecrack

2009-07-10T08:00:00.000+03:00

Being a connoisseur of anti-Semitic jokes, I cannot pass an opportunity to make a flippant comment on this post by Norm. He says:

One can't even say of Madoff's crimes that they were acts institutionally or symbolically associated with a collective Jewish body, as when diaspora Jews worry about policies of the Israeli state of which they are critical. Unless, that is, one thinks that financial malpractice is a typically Jewish misdemeanour - not a thought one would expect to find in the Jerusalem Post, that thought being part of the lore of anti-Semitism.

Of course, Madoff is a black sheep in an otherwise healthy family, easily proved by this example and the fact that any Jooish mom wants the boy to become a lawyer or a doctor, never a financier (phooey!).

So, not to argue with the general thrust of Norm's post, but to provide some solace to anti-Semites and to decipher that stupid JP article Norm refers to: of course, financial malpractice in general will not be considered by JP Jooz a misdemeanor (typical to us or not) - it is the unsuccessful financial malpractice by shlemiels like Madoff that will be...

Nikola Tesla, death ray, related wonders

2009-07-10T07:50:00.000+03:00

Seeing as it's the great man's birthday, I was browsing through reams of stuff on the net. Between other things I have stumbled on this article. I don't mind reading another time about the death ray machine Tesla supposedly invented, although I am pretty sure the old man was bluffing - and he's done a pretty good job of it. Even today some major governments suspect that the other side got that doomsday machine somewhere in the basement, just waiting for the right moment...

Anyhoo, this isn't what caught my attention. You will see in the snapshot of this article below (after you click on it to enlarge it) a rubric Possibly Related Posts:

And do you know what: I would rather believe in the death ray machine than in machine intelligence. For crying out loud!

Rapamycin - the Easter Island drug that extends lifespan of old mice

2009-07-09T12:49:00.004+03:00

Just finished that little essay on mice, and here they strike again! The only remaining question is whether after a period of taking Rapamycin regularly we'll start looking like this:

Or like this:

Go figure...

The real rulers of the Earth

2009-07-09T07:30:00.001+03:00

Of course, it is nice to be a part of the Elders' machine and feel that you control this place. But from time to time doubts start gnawing. Or, perhaps, even bite.

Today, for instance, something triggered another chain of FUD (fear uncertainty and doubts) .

A new study shows caffeine reversed memory loss in mice bred to develop Alzheimer’s disease and reduced the level of beta-amyloid protein in the blood and brain.

Haven't you noticed that many a reversal of medical thinking, faithfully and immediately carried out by the media and in a day or two by your doctor, are actually dictated by mice?

Mice tell you the caffeine is good for you, in a few months they decide that it's bad, then they warmly recommend chocolate and a bit later forbid it under threat of this or another malady. They caused an enormous brouhaha with smoking, cooking oils, red meat, chicken, various kinds of fruit, vegetables, you name it.

Mice are fickle and change their august opinions quite frequently. From time to time it even appears that there are several warring groups of mice, giving the media contradictory commands, causing even more chaos in our miserable way of life.

So, after all, Douglas Adams was right and this planet is really no more than an experiment, created and conducted by mice, for their benefit or just for amusement - we'll never know.

Another observation: mice could consume enormous amounts of stuff. Like in the exercise linked above:

In the study, mice ... were given 500 milligrams of caffeine (equivalent to five cups of regular coffee) in their daily drinking water.

So, while being helpless in stopping the mice from ruling and ruining my life, at least I know enough to stock up on my favorite brand of coffee, to be on the safe side. Good.

Testicular torsion and advantages of the Internet

2009-07-09T07:25:00.001+03:00

First you look lazily at Wiki and discover that testicular torsion really does exist and that it isn't just a funny invention of another blogger with too much time on his hands.

Then you look at the related entries on the Internet and find a hilarious remark:

If your physician sent you by ambulance from his office to rule out a testicular torsion, the paramedic stated that your last period was 2 months ago, and then I saw you in the emergency department 30 minutes later and performed an ultrasound showing no testicular torsion, could a good faith argument be made that you are a female based on those “facts”?

All in all, you cannot call the time spent in the above activities wasted, can you?

Rev Al is a racist?

2009-07-09T06:00:00.000+03:00

As these folks and many others claim. I am not sure about that. What I am pretty sure about is that the Reverend is a sharp and soulless politico who is playing the race card for so many years so successfully that it is his nature to produce a scurrilous and false statements like the one quoted in that link.

Scientists claim sperm 'first'

2009-07-08T09:04:00.004+03:00

That's it, fellow males. The end. Kaput. Checkout time. Curtains.

The most bizarre hard core porn scenes of XX century

2009-07-08T08:00:00.001+03:00

That post by Nizo with a vintage video of Arafat's visit to post-revolution Tehran in 1979 turned my wavering mind into a not totally unexpected direction - that of porn, specifically of its more nauseating and bizarre branch. So, the more squeamish and underage readers are invited to skip that "Read more..." and turn instead to other endeavors. Like WSJ or... whatever.

Prelude to the first, relatively innocent kiss in the series:

Here is the kiss itself:

Now the passion is heating up:

So much so that the TV channel transmitting the scene was forced to take measures:

I personally consider the above to be a mild precursor to a more serious affair:

That is real love, I would say. However, let's go back to the issue of kissing. I suggest that the subjects depicted above were nothing but mere understudies at the feet of a giant. Which was, of course, Leonid Brezhnev. No one came close to the art of slobbering over his frequently unwitting victims, like this (unidentified) politician:

Hold them firmly, get close enough and start slobbering all over the guy - not letting go was the ticket. Jimmy Carter got to love it:

Carter obviously caught the kissing bug from LB and later did his puny best to imitate it with many a dictator, but his best was far from being enough, of course. He never came within a mile of that classic (Erich Honecker):

Honecker, of course, deserved any punishment coming to him. But sometimes I wonder whether... oh well.

Yes, XX century has its porn giants. I suspect they've broken the mold since. Of course, we have some attempts at imitation, like this one:

But, in all fairness, it is simply pathetic. Like watching Romeo and Julia after Debbie Does Dallas...

Nah...

Roger Cohen's mea culpa - or Excuse me while I visit the vomitorium

2009-07-08T07:50:00.000+03:00

Cool piece by Richard Landes on the critter.

Netanyahu caves into pressure, cancels proposal on produce tax

2009-07-07T09:35:00.002+03:00

Good. Now, our dear elected government, analyze this:

Between a rock and a hard place

2009-07-07T08:00:00.000+03:00

Opening his front door, a Rabbi found himself face to face with the local priest. "Rabbi, may I have a few words with you?" asked the priest.

"Of course, Father," replied the Rabbi somewhat nervously.

"Rabbi," began the priest, "It must be evident to you that in this town we are plagued by thieves. Scarcely a day passes without one of my flock coming to me bemoaning the fact that his house has been broken into. On the other hand, I have noticed that thieves do not bother you Jews nearly as much."

"Father, you are correct."

"Yes, but why is that?" inquired the priest.

"Look at this little box here on the side of my doorpost," said the Rabbi.
"It's called a mezuza. We Jews believe that when we put a mezuza on the entrances to our houses, the Holy One, may His Name be blessed, protects both us and our property."

"In that case", replied the priest, "I must have one!"

Not wishing to be the cause of an incipient pogrom, the Rabbi reluctantly handed over a mezuza to the priest.

Some two weeks later the Rabbi was awakened by the sound of someone pounding violently on his door. Dressing himself hastily, he made his way down the stairs.

"Who's there?" the Rabbi asked tremulously.

"Open the door! Open the door!" screamed a voice on the other side.

Leaving the door on the latch, the Rabbi cracked the door wide enough to see the priest standing in front of him, his eyes wild with great distraught.

"What happened?" asked the terrified Rabbi. "Were you not protected from robbers?"

"I was! But these people were worse than robbers!" screamed the priest.

"Who?" asked the rabbi.

"Fundraisers"

Source unknown. Hat tip: BB

Patrick Tracy Burris - serial killer offed

2009-07-07T06:48:00.001+03:00

So the murderous rampage has ended:

Gaffney, South Carolina police are in Gastonia, North Carolina looking into "similarities" between a burglar who was killed by North Carolina police July 6, 2009 and the South Carolina serial killer suspect. The dead burglar matches the physical description of the South Carolina serial killer suspect and a champagne colored Ford Explorer like the one Gaffney officials are looking for is parked outside the North Carolina crime scene.

Good. But regarding the match:

I am not sure that it was possible to get the suspect based on the that composite drawing (on the right). Besides, I am not at all sure that it's a good idea to use my mug every time a crime is committed somewhere.

Sahel Kazemi, Steve Mcnair, Mechelle McNair photos

2009-07-07T06:00:00.000+03:00

Mechelle or Michelle - whatever, all these photos are of no interest here. So, as usual, you get a cooling down opportunity. Watch the picture for a few minutes.

See how much better you feel now? Without ghoulish scenes, too...

From Girls Aloud to Anne Frank

2009-07-06T15:15:00.001+03:00

Uhu...

George S. thinks that the argument is chosen for a reason. I would suggest that the subconscious won again. But whatever.

Anastasia Michaeli is 1st MK to give birth during tenure

2009-07-06T07:50:00.001+03:00

The history has been made in Tel Hashomer maternity ward on Saturday night. Not only Ms Michaeli is the first MK to do it, but the child is the family's number 8. They are going for a football team, obviously.

Some male MKs seem to be slightly annoyed by a young, inexperienced and female to boot MK besting them.

The Knesset speaker, Ruby Rivlin, was picked up by the microphone (see above) that wasn't turned off, mumbling "Yes, we can..." several times after the news of the baby reached the Knesset.

On Obama's silence re Cynthia McKinney

2009-07-05T13:52:00.005+03:00

Pak Alert Press blog (no links, search yourself) published a post on St. Cynthia under a headline:

Israel keeps ex-congresswoman McKinney in custody – Obama is Still Silent!

I guess I fully understand Obama's silence. I would keep shtum too, as long as she is as far away as possible.

On the other hand, she is displaying signs of a dangerous delusion, according to this:

I am being held in this prison because I had a dream...

Oy vey. Better let her go, so dear POTUS - please ask for her. Please...

Saudis give nod to Israeli raid on Iran - Sunday Times

2009-07-05T09:05:00.010+03:00

The head of Mossad, Israel’s overseas intelligence service, has assured Benjamin Netanyahu, its prime minister, that Saudi Arabia would turn a blind eye to Israeli jets flying over the kingdom during any future raid on Iran’s nuclear sites.

Of course, it's incomparable Uzi Mahnaimi that brings the scoop. This time, though, he missed some juicy details, so, with permission from the Elders' HQ I am allowed to publish here a part of the IAF itinerary on the way to Iran. See the map:

Click to embiggen

August XX, 13:10 (Jerusalem) - Light lunch, speeches by mayor of Jerusalem, PM, various MKs and, of course, Shimon Peres. Takeoff.
August XX, 15:10 (Saudi desert) - landing, welcome by the local tribes' chieftains, madrasa's boys' choir performance. Coffee for all. Takeoff.
August XX, 19:25 (Saudi desert) - Landing, welcome by the local tribes' chieftains, camel races, dinner with belly dancers and camel milk non-alcoholic beer. Bedtime at 11:00 PM.
August XX+1, 09:25 (Mecca) Landing, welcome by the senior Saudi heir to the throne, visiting holy places in Mecca, speeches, light lunch. Takeoff.
August XX+1, 11:25 (Saudi desert near Shell gas station). Landing, refueling, replenishing provision on board, speeches by local dignitaries, takeoff.

Tickets to some of the events still available, call 1-800-mahna-bluff.

Update: due to successfully negotiated appearance of American-pole-dancers team, flown in fresh from Vegas on loaner plane from somewhere in Houston, TX (thanks to SpaceyG), the departure from the last landing point is moved back to 14:13. With apologies to Iranian air defense and Air Force.

Haveil Havalim #224 - The Fourth of July Weekend Edition

2009-07-05T08:30:00.000+03:00

Rocks on A Time of the Signs today. Enjoy.

Bar Refaeli's naked photo shoot in Israel

2009-07-05T07:50:00.001+03:00

Where to get nekkid if not at home? Watch. Drool. Envy.

Wife blows MI6 chief

2009-07-05T06:45:00.001+03:00

's cover on Facebook.

(I was told to avoid long headlines, so...)

Anyway, here comes Sir John Sawers (uncovered):

Oops, a printer's error. Here is the right one:

Gosh, I hope he doesn't take that mistake personally. He could send that other guy after me, and then what would I do?

Update: he wears Speedo. Oh boy...

"Jewishes" and a deficient Head

2009-07-04T08:30:00.003+03:00

JC released a soppy tale of homegrown antisemitism flaring up at an Infants’ School in Paddington – an apparent multi-faith, predominantly Muslim primary school.

The Head Master, at Hallfield Infants’ School, one Philip Eaton failed to ascertain the origin of this racist outbreak, noting that "… There is a bigger issue of where they [children] are getting this from and it must be somewhere outside.”

This of course raises a few questions as to what Mr. Eaton meant by "somewhere outside". Is this infantile racism a consequence of environmental issues such as Global warming? Pollution? Could this be part of the Swine (no offence intended toward the parents of the racist puerile subjects of the kingdom) Fever pandemic?

I guess that we won't really ever know:

"Mr Eaton said he had wanted time to work out a strategy for dealing with the problem “because children of this age have very short memories of what they are saying."

Really Mr. Eaton? My own particular Two and a half year old would easily prove you wrong, being able to quote himself weeks later. Any child psychologist would confirm that the recall in a Four year old would easily be up to the job. Moreover, by the age of Four, a Normal child has already mastered the art of deception, and as demonstrated, when faced with an incapable school master, can even excel. So Mr. Eaton strategize away, but I suspect that by the time you will have worked out the situation, these infants will have finished their Masters degree.

Happy Independence Day

2009-07-04T07:50:00.000+03:00

To all our American friends.

Mexican midget matmen, rabbit-obsessed woman, screaming mom etc.

2009-07-04T06:00:00.000+03:00

This weekend seems to be extremely fruitful where strange quirks are considered.

Two Mexican Midget Wrestlers Killed by Fake Prostitutes

Autopsies are being performed on the two midget wrestlers, one of whom went by the name "La Parkita" — or "Little Death" — and wore a skeleton costume in the ring. The other was known as "Espectrito Jr." Authorities say two women were seen leaving the men's hotel room before the bodies were discovered.

I don't even know where to start commenting on this one. You would think wrestlers could take care of an assault...

Rabbit-obsessed woman sent back to jail

Police arrested Sakewitz on 16 June after she called a maintenance worker to her room in the Portland suburb of Tigard to fix a broken television set. The worker saw and smelled the rabbits, some of them hopping free.The woman's legal problems began in 2006 when police found more than 150 rabbits in her home and dozens more bunny bodies in freezers.

At least she didn't collect TV repairmen...

Teenagers who mishear sex noises attack woman's lover

US police say a teenage girl overheard her mother's screams during sex and thought she was being assaulted, so she rounded up some friends to attack the woman's lover. A 16-year-old girl misinterpreted the woman's amorous screams, and she and four other teens went to the woman's bedroom in the Torrington home, police Lt. Bruce Whiteley said. One of the teens beat the 25-year-old man with a bat and others punched him, police said. He suffered a black eye and several bruises.

Two remarks: a)More sex education in Torrington; b) Lock you bedroom door to avoid mishaps; c) Muffler?

Staff strip naked to improve morale

David Taylor, a business psychologist, told workers at design and marketing onebestway, in Newcastle upon Tyne, that a Naked Friday idea would boost their team spirit.

This David Taylor bloke - wasn't he a slightly gay person with an old-fashioned haircut and lisping voice?

And now back to midgets:

This one wouldn't succumb easily to no fake prostitute, after all he learned all the tricks by now.

North Korea Fires 7 Missiles Off Eastern Coast

Obviously to join the celebrations of Independence Day in US...

Cool.

New Israel Fund - oops?

2009-07-03T11:10:00.007+03:00

The New Israel Fund (NIF) works to strengthen Israel's democracy and to promote freedom, justice and equality for all Israel's citizens.

This is what NIF site says. Admirable goals indeed. And then, as it appears, while pursuing these goals and spreading around significant amounts of monetary aid, NIF folks don't even take a minute for a breather. Or a second to say "oops". So someone else (Samuel Sokol and David Bedein) decided to help NIF with that oops:

American Jews fund anti-Israel organizations

One of such organizations is I’lam. The Middle East Forum recently commissioned a report on I’lam by the Center for Near East Policy Research which can be found online. A quote from this report:

I’lam and its staff members have promoted:
The notion of a massacre in Jenin during Israeli anti-terror operations in 2002.
The calumny that the recent incursion in Gaza was a massacre.
Comparisons between Nazis and IDF service personnel.
Unsubstantiated accusations of cold-blooded murder of journalists.
Accusations of Israeli security personnel acting as death squads while enforcing the law with the Israeli-Arab public
The Palestinian “Right of Return”.
Jerusalem’s status as an Arab cultural capital as well as a soon to be political capital by right as opposed to a Jewish capital
The Palestinian identity of Israeli-Arabs and the solidarity between Israeli-Arabs and the Hamas led Arabs of Gaza
The ideology that the creation of the State of Israel in 1948 was a disaster (Nakba)
The very idea of a Jewish state is racist.
The position that national service is illegitimate for Arab citizens of the state of Israel
Hamas as the legitimate representative of the Palestinian people.
The replacement of Israel with a Palestinian state
Their right to express disloyalty to Israel and to demand their rights as citizens of Israel.

While there are many worthwhile Arab, Druze and Bedouin organization, NIF sometimes choose strange targets for their money. Surely they could do better?

Sleeping with the cockroaches

2009-07-03T10:57:00.003+03:00

Regarding the stream of whining by the members of the latest ship of fools:

How much do you want to be Gilad Shalit [who] would give just about everything to be left penniless and without his ‘belongings’ at the central bus station in Ashdod?

Yep.