The Erin O'Brien Owner's Manual for Human Beings

Book soup?

2009-07-14T07:13:00.002-04:00

This Thursday, I'll be in Los Angeles for an evening in celebration of my brother John and his work, and to launch his last posthumously published novel "Better." The event will be at 7 p.m. at Book Soup on Sunset Boulevard and will also feature Jerry Stahl and Joseph Mattson.

"Better" is a book of many dimensions. The most compelling of which for me is the metaphorical aspect by which John explores his genetic predisposition to his addiction. I have written an essay detailing what's percolating between the lines of "Better" for the Los Angeles Times, which is slated to run on July 19, 2009. If anyone out there can obtain a hard copy of the article for me, I would very much appreciate it. Here's my address:

Erin O'Brien
P. O. Box 470167
Broadview Hts., OH 44147

In the meantime, for those looking for more on John, I offer some of my in-depth writing on my brother and his work and an associated blog entry with additional pictures and links.

Now here's pix of John and me at Universal Studios in June, 1986 taken by John's then-wife Lisa. We all laughed so hard on that trip. It feels like a lifetime ago. I suppose it was.

Cheap Bubbles

2009-07-13T10:53:00.004-04:00

All this week, Edward Champion will be posting a round-table discussion about Ellen Ruppel Shell's new book Cheap: The High Cost of Discount Culture. Your humble authoress was a member of the panel. You can read my musings as well as a host of others over at Ed's place. If you've read the book or have comments on the comments, you're welcome to gas on about it here or over in Ed's comment section.

If you don't care about any of that, then watch this film of Ed's that I just love, Bubbles: A Consideration because bubbles are free and as evidenced by this effort, they make people happy:

Al Koran Shriners

2009-07-12T09:10:00.000-04:00

The Al Koran Shrine is just a few miles from my house.

Years ago, I did a story about the Shriners for a local paper. They might seem like a strange group from the outside, but the Shriners raise money to fund Children's hospitals that service the very poorest kids with the very toughest problems: severe burns, amputations, etc.

The Shrine itself is quite a place. There's portraits of all the past Imperial Potentates on the walls (the one on the upper left is from 1903), a life-sized stuffed camel in the lobby and a clubby lounge with tons of clown pics the walls. There's fez's all over the place too.

People aren't as drawn to this sort of social/charitable organization as they once were and the Shriners are a fading piece of Americana. But we can love 'em until then, especially those little orange cars that they race around all the local parades.

Here they are at the 2009 July 4 Parade in Chesterland, OH:

Lookie that

2009-07-11T06:23:00.001-04:00

Even revered conservative commentator Peggy Noonan thinks Palin is a moron.

Ivory beacon

2009-07-10T11:38:00.000-04:00

Hello. This is a picture of my soap.

When my soap gets used up to the point when it is nothing more than a thin slip that no longer supplies suds no matter how vigorously I rub-a-dub-dub it, I do not throw it away. Instead, I get a new bar of soap and, after cleansing and rinsing myself, I get the husky new bar good and sudsy again, but only in order to glue the frail old soap fragment to the top of it.

I carefully rinse the old/new soap-bar conglomerate, making sure the suds between the two entities remain intact in order to adhere them together. Then I put the bar in the recessed soap dish for 24 hours of drying time, which will hopefully permanently fuse the bars together in time for my next shower.

After two or three showers, all evidence that the soap was once two parts is gone. Hence, by this method, not only do I eliminate waste, but soap becomes a pleasant continuum in my life, a constant commodity that waxes and wanes but is never subject to absolute end. Simple procedures such as this relinquish me of sin and render me holy in lieu of traditional religious practices.

That is all.

Saturday on Coventry

2009-07-08T10:18:00.000-04:00

At 7 p.m. this Saturday, I'll be at Mac's Backs on Coventry in Cleveland Heights talking about Better, my brother John's last posthumously published novel.

In a foreboding mansion that looms above the glittering lights of Los Angeles, a suave and wealthy host named Double Felix, a hooker named Zipper and narrator William weave their story amid plenty of booze, other housemates, and casual sex. But the story between the lines is all John's.

It only took me 15 years to figure that out, people.

It is absolutely stunning to me that the longer John is gone, the more I continue to learn about him. Better is an odd book, but it's rapidly becoming one of the most important pieces of John's work for me.

So come out to Coventry this Saturday. It's not only the perfect spot to spend a summer evening in Cleveland, you'll also get the inside story on one of this town's most legendary voices.

Before the flame out

2009-07-06T06:20:00.004-04:00

In lieu of original content by Yours Truly today, here's an exhaustive article on Alaska's NonGovernor Sarah Palin by Todd Purdum for Vanity Fair. It's a fascinating read all about poor little Sarah's problems notable for many reasons, but in no small part because it was published just before her spectacular flame out.

The great Republican Governor. Yeah, yeah. She couldn't even tough out one term. Christ awmighty, people, I told you she was a silly little broad from the get go.

Warhol's Blow Job

2009-07-05T12:28:00.002-04:00

Not the original, which was longer and ran at a different frame rate, but evocative and arousing nonetheless. I don't know if a soundtrack accompanied Warhol's original footage, but I preferred to mute the music on this vid anyway.

I wonder if "Blow Job" was part of the impetus for Beautiful Agony.

A good 4th to all

2009-07-04T08:25:00.001-04:00

The best thing about today is that the Statue of Liberty has reopened. Yay!

Clickit

2009-07-03T12:55:00.001-04:00

The funniest online photo gallery I've seen in a long time.

Phone cam round-up

2009-07-02T08:59:00.000-04:00

Prelude to consensual shadow sex with telephone pole.

Shoes for sale, one dollar. No thanks but can I have some water?

Aw, you aren't really gonna sell Gram's needlepoint cats, are ya?

RIP Mr. FrogToad.

Used all the Aseptic Creamers. Throw out the box and bring another up from the basement. Good thing we no gotta refrigerate these mothers.

Sushi for lunch. Yay!

Visual representation of Gift Bag Rejection Syndrome.

Nobody's Inn Cahoots at 7 a.m.

Buffalo soldier.

Somebody lost eight hearts boo hoo.

Doing unto others

2009-06-30T08:35:00.003-04:00

Christian Faith Financial is a "payday loans & cash advance" site that helps you "the Christian way."

"Helping families with Christian financial assistance," says the site. They mean it too. "Elijah" is standing by in a very persistent pop-up box when you try to close the window. Call it a blessed cyberfoot in the door.

Maybe the money you get from these guys glows. Maybe "IN GOD WE TRUST" is in a bolder font on dollars that come from Christian Faith Financial than on regular non-God dollars. Who knows? The good thing about being endorsed by an entity such as God is that he doesn't make a lot of direct comment on said endorsement.

There's even a snappy biblical reference to assure you you're in hallowed territory, "Be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good--Romans 12:21"

This development has put a new spin on what was heretofore one of my favorite terms: Holy shit.

Lunch in the middle of America

2009-06-28T12:33:00.000-04:00

I had some deli roast beef that I had to use up. It was too shitty for regular sandwiches, so I made a packet of "brown gravy," toasted some bread and served up "open-faced roast beef sandwiches" for lunch.

They were exactly like what you get in one of those sleepy little diners in Ohio towns like Fostoria or Tiffin or Bucyrus.

You either know what I'm talking about or you don't.

You would think the goat would protest such a meal.

But he did not. My kid did not. We just sucked it up and ate the shitty sandwiches.

This is the middle of America, people.

There's isn't room for anything else today

2009-06-26T07:49:00.000-04:00

Here's the songs I have on iTunes by him:

ABC

I Want You Back

Never Can Say Goodbye

Rockin' Robin

The Way You Make Me Feel

Human Nature

Do you think Farrah is bitching him out right now in the land of afterlife for taking all her press? Ed McMahon was used to being number two, so he probably got over it pretty quickly, but I'm not so sure about Farrah.

Ciao, Michael and Farrah and Ed.

Blue sympathy

2009-06-25T09:11:00.001-04:00

I might be a libbity-lib, and he might be a rightity-right, but this sort of voyeuristic "journalism" just makes me cringe. What the hell is the point? And no, I didn't read it all, just enough for the cringing to start. Then I was moved to post this entry.

Hot potato

2009-06-24T10:12:00.000-04:00

In my column this week, I give up the secret of a great potato pancake.

If you have something to say about it, you can comment on the article directly (via the above link), or you may tell me off here, or feel free to email my editor Frank Lewis at flewisATclevesceneDOTcom.

Ten things stay at home moms say in the summer

2009-06-23T13:07:00.001-04:00

***

1. Go mow the lawn.

2. Turn it down.

3. As soon as your father gets home.

4. We can make Kool-Aid instead.

5. No.

6. Go play in the sprinkler.

7. Yes.

8. Well missy, I waited nine months for you.

9. I don't care who else is going.

10. Complaining about it won't make you feel any cooler.

***

Croc talk

2009-06-22T08:30:00.000-04:00

Crocodiles and alligators communicate. Dig the "Courtship Bellow" of the alligator mississippiensis, which is similar to the courtship bellow heard in any college bar after 12 a.m.

Here is the page with links to all sorts of reptilian communiqués.

An Australian saltwater croc or "salty" can grow to 20 feet long and weight over a ton. Who said there's no such thing as dragons?

Crocs always look like they're smiling to me.

Alligators have been around for about 75 million years. Crocs have been around for some 210 million years, so I guess the crocs win.

I have eaten alligator. I have never eaten crocodile. I hope no alligator or crocodile ever eats an Erin.

La Dolce Vita

2009-06-20T08:49:00.000-04:00

Leaving Las Vegas was just republished in Italy by minimum fax. It had been out of print there for some years. For any of my Italian friends who have not read the book, it is a very fine novel indeed.

Some months back, the publisher contracted me to write an epilogue, which I did. The contributor copies arrived a few days ago. Seeing John's work and mine back to back was so strange--and in a foreign language no less.

It was very difficult to write the epilogue without falling into a chasm of sentimentality. I tried to follow the model of Tim O'Brien, who so brilliantly scaled the Vietnam War by placing it next to a comic book and a packet of KoolAid in the short story "The Things They Carried." I took John's life, suicide and all the rest of it and scaled it next to his beloved Rolex and a handful of numbers.

Was it right or wrong? I'll never know. I just hope I didn't sully John's fine work.

Bobby Conn revisited

2009-06-19T08:55:00.001-04:00

I have posted this YouTube before, but since it just gets better and better and better with every viewing, here it is again:

I can't decide what I love more, the wardrobe selections for the fantastic dancers, the announcer, the dancing adults (particularly the man holding the toddler), the set, Conn's fabulous make-up or the intensity of Conn's expressions throughout. The interview at the end is so so so worth the wait. I am completely ON after seeing this intrepid performance again.

This, people, is why we have the Internet.

It's Hoosierboy's soapbox

2009-06-18T08:23:00.001-04:00

As promised in the comment section of this post:

Not related at all, so you can delete this if you like. I am OK with that.

What do you make of this poll? I guess I was right when I said conservatives are not as dead as you think.

Link to Gallup Poll

pokety poke poke with the sharp stick, baby. (insert smiley graphic that I really hate here) --Hoosierboy

That 40 percent polled called themselves conservative is a very interesting statistic to be sure. So why did the righties get pummeled in the last two elections? The article asserts the following:
There is an important distinction in the respective ideological compositions of the Republican and Democratic Parties. While a solid majority of Republicans are on the same page -- 73% call themselves conservative -- Democrats are more of a mixture. The major division among Democrats is between self-defined moderates (40%) and liberals (38%). However, an additional 22% of Democrats consider themselves conservative, much higher than the 3% of Republicans identifying as liberal.

The devil's always in the details. There's hella more conservative Democrats than there are liberal Republicans. And the further to the right the elephants lumber, the smaller the party is going to get. Where are all the moderate Republicans? Simple. They're voting Democrat.

Can you say Colin Powell?

The naked truth

2009-06-16T08:14:00.002-04:00

Back in this post, I noted meeting David Lee Morgan, a local sports writer and author of a number of books including LeBron James: The Rise of a Star. David and I were seated next to each other for a book fair back in April. The day-long event might have dragged, but we ended up laughing our heads off.

I quickly learned David is far from a one-dimensional man. Case in point: he participated in Spencer Tunick's 2004 installation here in Cleveland and wrote about the experience for the Akron Beacon Journal.

When I first blogged about David, I was unable to find his writings about the Tunick event online. He has since forwarded me his article with permission to post it, which some readers had asked about. Here are links to high resolution copies with more photos and complete text:

David Lee Morgan on Spencer Tunick part one

David Lee Morgan on Spencer Tunick part two

I just love the picture above taken by Bob DeMay for the Journal, which accompanied David's article. Dig the expressions on everyone's faces. They're just regular guys, only naked, which according to David, was pretty much the way it was that day. After a while, he told me, people pretty much forget about being naked.

Hm. Maybe we should all go buff right now.

Thanks, David!

Phone cam round-up and Great Freight

2009-06-14T09:23:00.000-04:00

Hurry up and get born so's I can shoot ya!

Drill baby drill! on one side of the street.

Don't drill baby don't drill! on the other side of the street.

Please note, dear reader, that your humble hostess has actually endured the consequences of DRILL BABY DRILL in her own goddamn backyard and had absolutely no warning or choice in the matter.

Fabulous footwear from the terrifying Great Freight outlet store.

Fun stuff!

Always posh, always smart: the cosmetic department at Great Freight.

The Clamato juice was brown. Huh?

Savvy shoppers know that volume is the way to value when it comes to hair care products at Great Freight.

Let me out of Great Freight!

Conserving in America

2009-06-12T08:46:00.001-04:00

I'm driving with my kid in my 2003 Mini Cooper, which I purchased when gas was about $1.30 a gallon.

"There's another Mini," she says. "How come there's so many Minis around here?"

"Because this part of town is more liberal than our part of town," I say. We are in Cleveland Heights, close to Case Western Reserve University, about 20 miles away from our White Wonder bread suburb on the city's South side.

"Aren't you a liberal?"

"Yeah."

"What's that have to do with cars?" she says.

"A lot of liberals drive small cars in order to conserve gas," I say. The Mini gets anywhere from 30 to 40 MPG depending on any number of things. "You don't find many liberals driving big cars unless they have a pretty good reason."

"You mean big cars like Dummers?" she says.

"Exactly," I say. "Big cars like Dummers. A lot of your conservatives like your Dummers."

"Don't Dummers use a lot of gas?"

"Yeah," I say.

"Then why would a conservative drive one?" she says. "Shouldn't a conservative conserve? I mean, you conserve everything, so you're a conservative, right?"

"It's the terminology. I'm a liberal, but I conserve. A lot of your conservatives don't like to conserve. That's the irony of the thing, kid."

She considers this for a minute and says, "They ought to call those conservatives the wastetives."

* * *

Wastetive: An American "conservative" who fails to actually conserve anything. The wastetive twists the noble concept of freedom into a selfish and childish lifelong tantrum that swirls around the wastetive's own overblown sense of entitlement and sentimental pining for an obsolete perception of the American Dream shaped wholly from conspicuous consumption.

A wastetive complains about having to drop his or her beer can into a different trash can than their Whopper wrapper and will often refuse to do so. They drive their gas-guzzling SUV to work all by themselves, clogging up the highways while feeling smugly "safe" within their giant steel box whilst their exhaust pipe pours out toxic fumes that poison our future. Many wastetives choose to delude themselves into believing that there is nothing toxic about vehicular exhaust fumes. To them, I ask this: how about you load up the Escalade with your wife, kids and dog Spoofy, park it in your three-car garage, close all the doors and fire up the ignition?

No? Gee, why not?

Oh yeah, everyone will be DEAD in about an hour. Will you believe the fumes are toxic then?

Although a wastetives will never conserve anything on their own, they whine and moan whenever someone else suggests that they pay more for their gluttonous ways via taxes or (gasp) legislation. In such a case you will see wastetives do what they do best: use more than they need. But in this case the resource will be words. No one can gas on like a wastetive who is afraid someone will ask them to conserve.

A wastetive demands that they must have everything they want! while a liberal only takes as much as they need.

Fortunately, the idiotic way of the wastetive is finally garnering proper recognition. No one much likes the wastetives except the Saudis. The wastetives fund a lot of the Saudis' operations and are even building a glittering city in the middle of the desert courtesy of the wastetives. It's called Dubai. Yes, the Saudi's really love the wastetives.

Until the wastetives learn their lesson, the rest of us will just have to tolerate them.

Per request

2009-06-11T11:42:00.001-04:00

And I daresay worth every bit of 2 minutes and 58 seconds. Not sure what's most to love here, Astrud's hair bow, the audience or the guy on the xylophone.