Idle Worship

A Vision of Beauty Revealed in Sleep

2009-11-15T22:28:00.004Z

Did I mention that I'm friends with Ben Cohen on Facebook? have you any idea what it's like to be costantly poked? (in joke). btw was in church AGAIN tonight- the cake afterwards was a lemon curd and mascopony (? spelling) which was suprisingly good, seeing as it looked like a collapsed volcano. The service itself was a little long - far too many "modern" hymms/songs - I longed for something rousing like Jerusalem where i look let rip. Talking of letting rip - someone passed wind during the service half way through a song, silent and deadly, it hung like a green fog in the room, so thick you could cut it into slices. Ah well, the devil moves in mysterious ways.

Oh Sister Where Art Thou?

2009-10-30T20:51:00.003Z

Happy Halloween everybody, thought I'd post a pic taken the other week at the River of Life Community Church in Dorchester! Anyone spot Beast? (clue: trying looking left)

Business as usual here

2009-10-11T17:48:00.008+01:00

Hello Folks! well its been a busy old summer here at Chez Naff. The usual round of parties/funerals openings/closings and work, work, work.

The kitchen is finally done! (only I can't get the plinths back on since the floors been laid, oh well). I now have a induction cooking hob and a fan oven! Everything is peachy, and no major cock-ups on the cooking front - make a lovely butternut squash chilli and baked some shortbread today. What the hell, I might even ressurect Frobishers Country Kitchen. Well, I must get settled for the X Factor tonight! Can you believe Dannii Minogue outed that poor little chap on TV last night? He looked like he was going to cry! (snigger)

Adios!

Driving shock!

2009-07-29T20:52:00.001+01:00

who'd have thought?

Sad Day for British Sport

2009-07-19T11:54:00.011+01:00

More sad news that Freddie (or should that be Freddy) Flintoff has retired from test Cricket. The strapping 6ft 4in Yorkshire player was a breath of fresh air to, frankly, a rather dull and boring game. His role in the game was an all-rounder (can it get any better), but has now decided to retire due to increasing injuries. No stranger to controversy, Freddie stole a pedalo after a late night drinking session in the West Indies and had to be rescued by the Coastguard after falling off (havent we all for christsakes). This resulted in him being stripped of the Vice-Captains job and fined/suspended for a match, which is an outragous way to treat a sporting hero. Still, thanks for the laughs & drinks Freddie, we'll miss you xxxxx.

BTW, sorting through (or thru for our colonial cousins) my photo album I came across a picture of a well-known blogger on one of his "windsurfing" holidays in the Greek islands! Answers on a postcard please . . . . .

There is a God

2009-07-14T09:27:00.006+01:00

POP hunk Duncan James last night confessed his shocking gay secret and admitted: "I'm bisexual. I've been in loving relationships with men as well as women - and I'm not ashamed.

"But even though I fancy men, I still fancy WOMEN too."

The Blue singer's revelation will stun his millions of female fans worldwide plus the dozens of women he has been linked with, including Geri Halliwell, Tara Palmer Tomkinson, Mavis Mountshaft, Martine McCutcheon and ex-Big Brother winner Kate Lawler.

But on the eve of the boyband's reunion tour, the handsome singer says it is time for him to let his fans know the truth.

In an emotional interview with the News of the World he said: "I was living a secret life. I went through a process of asking what the f*** am I?

Well a huge "surprise" here at Idle Worship. Geri Halliwell?? previously linked to George Michael (snigger), famous theatrical fag-hag Martine McCutcheon + notorious coke-head Tara Palmer-T - the clues were all there. Still the appearance the other year on "Dancing on Ice" should have sealed it. I've trawled the net for nekkid pic of Duncan but could only come up with this shapely pic of his foot. Ah well, won't be long before he's doing a centre spread for Attitude magazine.

Well you known the saying Bi today, Gay tomorrow

On a sadder note Mutley the Dog has gone to the big kennel in the sky. Bye bye Mutts.

Make a date in your Calendars!

2009-02-06T22:00:00.004Z

Looks like February is gonna be a busy one. I have a second career as a female impersator called "Mavis"!!!!

On the weather front its fricken' cold - be snowing all week and I have been trapped in the house with only the mangy cat and an oz for company - roll on the Spring, seen a few Snowdrops but there prob. crushed under the snow now. Isn't nature wonderful?

Vote Frobisher

2009-01-21T20:01:00.001Z

Now's the time for all good men
to get together with one another.
We got to iron out our problems
and iron out our quarrels
and try to live as brothers.
And try to find a piece of land
without stepping on one another.
And do respect the women of the world.
Remember you all have mothers.
We got to make this land a better land
than the world in which we live.
And we got to help each man be a better man
with the kindness that we give.
I know we can make it.
I know darn well we can work it out.
Oh yes we can, I know we can can
Yes we can can, why can't we?
If we wanna get together we can work it out.

And we gotta take care of all the children,
the little children of the world.
'cause they're our strongest hope for the future,
the little bitty boys and girls.

We got to make this land a better land
than the world in which we live.
And we got to help each man be a better man
with the kindness that we give.
I know we can make it.
I know darn well we can work it out.
Oh yes we can, I know we can can
yes we can can, why can't we?
If we wanna, yes we can can.

Pope's Christmas Message

2008-12-27T20:19:00.003Z

"Remember, every time you take it up the ass we lose an acre of rainforest"

Merry Crimbo!

2008-12-24T21:21:00.004Z

Don't worry it'll be a memory in a few days time. Christmas - a neverending cycle of misery and despair. Still, try and enjoy yourselves.

Wish List 2

2008-12-08T20:05:00.003Z

Were you as speechless I was when I saw this ad? How lovely, Crafted from genuine hardwood, these high-quality side tables feature charming artwork set under a bevelled glass top, and the legs and edge of the table are handsomely carved for a classic finish. A felt-lined drawer opens to store everything from remote controls to coasters, and the base features a removable shelf - perfect for newspapers or magazines - decorated with a sketch of your choosen breed.

And guess what only £119 plus £4 postage and handling each!

The only thing which is spoiling this Christmas bonanza is Ben Cohen has gone missing! Have you seen him? There has been nothing posted on his website since May.

I'm worried sick.

Christmas Present Wish List

2008-12-04T20:22:00.005Z

I thought I would start to list present I would like to receive for Christmas. Mainly because last year was piss poor:- a bottle of ginger wine (non-alcholic!), X-Men 3 (the worst in the trilogy, and I'd already seen it). A coin purse made from the scrotum of a kangeroo (thanks Beast), various acrylic jumpers (all returned to shops on Boxing Day for cash refunds) & a quilted hot-water bottle cover (which I am rather fond of).

When I was a little boy I remember a shop which had a Mynah bird which used to mimic words, rather clever like a parrot. And also a few years later there was one in a local pub which used to abuse customers as they came through the door. What great pets these birds make! I'd love one, perhaps it would fill the gap left by the tragic death of Coo-Coo. But you just don't see them any more - where have they all gone?

Man Bag Mania!

2008-11-13T20:01:00.006Z

We've all had a good laugh at Beast's grubby little man bag, a rather sad affair - stuffed with items he treasures. It reminded me of a bag left in the school changing room that no-one would claim, not even worth nicking.

Well lets have a look at my bag, in a different league for sure. It's a "Shilton", a by-word for quality for "people in the know".

Would you like to see the contents? Of course you would!
Well, from left to right we have:-

A fun size box of "Curiously cinnamon Cereal" - an essential if your blood sugar level starts dropping.

A can of Stella Artois, Frobi's favourite lager. Again an essential to prevent dehydration.

My Colt Shower Shot attachment. As it says on the box "This water accessory easily installs onto any standard shower for an incredible burst of ater pleasure and cleansing sensation. Soft, Jelly dong screws into the chrome flex hose for a secure mount. Unscrew shower head. Add washers to prevent water leak and screw in hose." This is an essential bit of kit, people still talk of my impression of the Trevi fountain in Rome when I hooked it up to the power shower in the changing rooms of the David Lloyd Sports Centre and shot artistic jets of water out of my mouth!

Red hankie ;-)

Johnsons Baby light oil spray, to give me a sultry glow.

Leather cock strap to keep everything up together and give that "bulge appeal" that women like so much. The male equivalent of a push up bra.

A pink Vivienne Westwood "Fuck your Mother" t-shirt, always a head turner!

Hemp Body Butter, great for dry skin! and smells divine - but I keep getting followed home by hippies.

"Fuckin Criminal" Boxer Shorts (30" waist). Worn with low-slung jeans ala Hip-Hop.

Pro-Sport Jock Strap, well you never know when your going to be invited to a Underwear party!

Roll-on deodorant - we here at frobishersfunpages spurn aerosols cause of the damage to the planet.

Hollow Rubber pipe weighted with lead at one end. Because of all the nutters out there! You gotta look after yourself.

Black balaclava.

Wet wipes.

Machismo magazine - Latino Bad Boy Issue! The Worlds #1 Latino Sex Magazine.

Blackout Eye Pads.

Skipping Rope - for those impromptu work-outs - wherever you might be.

2 packets of king size rolling papers (pure hemp of course) with an eight of Red Lebanese Hash and a quarter ounce of sticky black Afghan cream hash (personal - for medical reasons, my Social Anxiety Disorder).

A big fat wallet stuffed with money and a few sweeties.

You've all been MeMe'd - lets see what ya got in yourbags!

Sad News

2008-11-09T17:27:00.002Z

Alas poor CooCoo

Missing - please help

2008-11-02T14:45:00.003Z

NAME: Answers to the name "CooCoo".

LAST SEEN: Boscombe overcliff in Dorset - heading out to sea.

FAVOURITE FOODS bread, corn, small insects, french fries, hemp seed, KFC (has canabalistic tendencies), peanuts - well will eat anything really.

If you see CooCoo please let me know immediately, he's quite tame and will come if you have food - he will even eat from your hand! There is a substantial reward (POA), so if you can catch him and put him in a box and keep him safe till my arrival. We fell out after a stupid argument over nothing. How I wish I could turn back the clock.

If Music be the Food of Love?

2008-10-27T21:23:00.008Z

Well, First Nations has kicked it up again - here we go with my musical suggestions. Ekletic? hopefully, music is music and I don't want to hang around any dead end or ghettos.

Uh, going to do it in subdivisions prob. cause I'm anal & but its easier too.

POP anything by the Sugarbabes esp. Push the Button. The Feeling - Twelve Stops and Home, one of my favourite albums. Ditto The Pretenders, try The Singles album - everyone a classic. Kylie Minogue! Je Ne Sais Pas Pourquoi, my favourite track of hers. Beach boys - God Only Knows. Anything from ELO. Anything by The Smiths. The Avalanches - Since I left You. Kate Bush - The Man With The Child in His Eyes. Yaz - Only You. Human League the first 3 albums especially.

HIP HOP any Yoda album - the greatest cut and paste DJ there is. Old School - De La Soul & Tribe Called Quest. Destinys Child - So Good. Macy Gray's 1st album. Eminem's 1st & 2nd albums. Old Dirty Bastard - Baby Got Ya Money/Shimmy Shimmy Ya. Eric B & Rakim. Ugly Duckling. BDP. Mystika - Shake Ya Ass. KRS-1 - Soundof Da Police. Slick Rick - Mona Lisa. The Sugarhill Gang - Rappers Delight

DISCO/FUNK Donna Summer - Lucky, Last Dance, Heaven Knows, Could it Be Magic - the woman was a legend. Roy Ayres - Running Away. Sylvester - Dance/You Make Me Feel.

SOUL/GROOVE Soul to Soul - especially Fairplay. Erykah Badu - Back in the Day/Didnt Cha Know. Evelyn "Champagne" King - Love come Down. Chaka Kahn - One Million Kisses/I Feel 4 U/Eye to Eye. Patrice Rushen - Forget Me Nots. D Train - You're the One for Me. Mtume - Juicy Fruit. Anything by Ashford & Simpson especially Found a Cure. India - To Be in Love. Syreeta - I Wanna Be By Your Side. Al Green - Lets Stay Together/All n All. M People - How Can I Love You More. Anything by Loleatta Holloway. And of course Amy Winehouse. Chakachas - Jungle Fever. Got to Give It Up - Marvin Gaye India Arie - Video. MJ Cole - Sincere. Aaron Neville - Hercules. Womack & Womack - Love Wars/Footsteps.

AMBIENTEstelle by A Man called Adam. Lemon Jelly by Lemon Jelly (perhaps the best ambient album). Eno - Music For Airports. Tom Middleton - The Trip. Coldcut - Journeys by DJs .

PUNK the Clash's first album - a classic. Sex Pistols - Never Mind the Bollocks. Patti Smith - Because the Night/Piss Factory. New York Dolls - Personaity Crisis/Jet Boy. Damned - New Rose/Neat neat Neat/Love Song. The Boys - I Don't care. X-Ray Specs - I'm a Cliche/Germ Free Adolescents/The Day the World Turned Dayglo.

ODDS & SODSAlison Krauss - Down to The River to Pray/I'll Fly Away. Duncan Sheik - Something Somewhere. The Band - Look Out Cleveland. Grandaddy - He's Simple He's dumb, He's The Pilot. Mercury Rev - Holes. Mott The Hoople.

Sorry, this has got too stop. Where's the Bowie/Prince/Jackson/Madonna? I haven't even touched Disco properly & house music would take farrrr tooo looong. It's an impossible task, I'm just going back adding more and more. Anyway what do you think of the current crop of beauties on Manhunt cruising site? Glad to be gay? whatdo you think!

Film reviews

2008-10-19T15:48:00.005+01:00

Ugh! what a terrible film - beware of being told its a "feel good movie" - it made me nauseous. One Abba song murdered after another, with virtually no space between them, flimsy story. Nice shots of whatever Greek island it was tho'. Even as the film titles were being shown at the end they managed to squeeze another couple of song in.

They have now released a "sing along" version to the cinemas - absolute hell. Its no wonder people stay in and play on their computers!

Sunday 19th

2008-10-19T14:48:00.002+01:00

test

Another Spanish Post

2008-10-09T20:03:00.007+01:00

I thought I'd better post the some pics of my Spanish break before it becomes a distant memory - it's amazing how quickly you forget after getting back home.

I stayed in a luxury villa high in the Mountains near a village called Alhaurin el Grande, with my old friend Keith being host. Nice quiet location with its own pool and grounds with almond trees, fig trees, pink peppercorn trees & the ubiquitous olive trees. Only half an hour drive to the coast and the fleshpots of Torremolinos and Marbella it was a perfect location.

Not much to do there so read loads, Bright, Shiny Morning by James Frey, a good book but the punctuation was terrible.

It did mean having to travel down to the wonderful Thermos San Miguel for my "jollies" but thats another post in itself.

How do you keep up Frobisher? literaly. Well, Viagra basically. Since my favourite online medication service was shut down by the American authorities I have had to cast my net far and wide. You can actually get Viagra from Boots the Chemist in England without a doctors prescription, if you submit to a blood pressure and diabetes test. Or my favourite is DrThom (www.drthom.com) can prescribe Viagra if you fill in a health questionnaire.

And if things get out of hand try www.viagraholics.com - its only a matter of time.

Right, I must go. I promised I'd go for a dog walk with Beast tonight. So unfortunately the nekkid pics of hot Spanish men must await for another time. I'll leave you with a pic of some thug who lived 5km walk from the villa and constantly made lewd & crude sexual suggestions to me, sometimes up to four times a day!

New post next week!

2008-10-05T20:16:00.003+01:00

Return to Dorset

2008-09-28T19:47:00.005+01:00

This is the new official flag of Dorset

Well the summer is now over, I have decided to return to England's green and (not so) pleasant land. As regulars know I have been "resting" in Spain for an extended period but I felt that the time was right to come back (ran out of money). As usual Spain was fantastic hot sunny days and sultry nights, cheap booze, hot rent boys, sublime scuff and high octaine Colombian coke. What more could you ask for? Pics to follow!

But on a plus side, although Britain has gone down the shitter, September is a vitally important month here in Dorset with Mushroom season! Frobishers' favourite hallucinogenic mushrooms "Liberty Caps". What with the usual British summer - rain, rain & more rain - the conditions are great for Psilocybe Semilanceata (Liberty caps) to show their little nipple like heads.

You'll find the little fuckers hiding amongst grass, in fields, heaths, parks, meadows and sometimes roadside verges. Look for somewhere which has been kept wet throughout the summer (ie Britain). Fields which are in the sun near rivers or low-lying ground are a good place to start looking. They are tiny and you won't notice them walking along, get down on your knees and part the grass. Don't get too pissed off if you don't find any, it might be too early in the season, the wrong spot or the wrong day. If you find one, others will be nearby! They don't grow on dung so don't waste time poking around sheep shit.

Collect your Liberty caps in a cardboard box/tray - DON'T use a plastic bag - they'll end up a watery mush. And don't rip them up, pinch the stalk with your nails so you don't damage the fungi under the ground. Leave the little ones - they'll be bigger tomorrow.

I usually make a "tea" with them, allow about 50 (there only small) per person. It tastes like ditchwater so try and hold it down. Making fudge with them is a great way of ingesting, the sugar takes away the horrible taste. You'll come up on Shrooms much faster than acid, 15-20 mins, first thing you'll notice is your visual field & colours distorting, building up to full trip. Shrooms are much safer than acid and you'll only trip for 4-5 hours tops. You'll probably laugh yourself silly, but be careful, choose a safe location and good company to do them, the visuals can be intense. Going out on them is virtually impossible!

Happy Harvest Festival!!!!!

Hands across the Ocean - Frobishers' Country Kitchen on tour!

2008-07-30T20:19:00.006+01:00

Well finally the Camera has decided to talk to the computer again, I did my usual IT wizzardry and just kept trying again and again till it worked - who needs helplines?

Well after being fired up by reading First Nations Meatloaf recipe I decided to give it a go - I notice no garlic in FN's so I immediately added. Suppose that the great thing about Meatloaf you can pretty much do what you want with it. Curious, I searched the web for more recipes & history. It's not a popular dish in the UK and probably orginated from the German "Fricadellen" and was taken over by German settlers. All went well and got two lovely wenches Hayley & Kate Moose round for dinner. I also did potatoes mashed with milk and butter mixed with refried beans and a few green beans. All this washed down with the finest alcohol Asda could supply!

Other news: I have been headhunted by BomoCreatives! A "social networking for people who want to make Bournemouth a more dynamic, inclusive and metropolitan place"! Wow, although I heard whispers that they needed a token poof. I have been made Treasurer, a role of utmost importance & responsibility, I have been given the task of organising the raffle at the Quatorze Juillet - a French Cultural Celebration, taking place at the Creme Brulee, 4 Landowne Rd., Bournemouth on the 14th. For prizes I thought a big tin of toffees, bottles of Cava (on special offer in Aldi), an egg slicer and a Anal Douche.

Kate relaxes and savours Frobishers' delicious Meatloaf meal, obviously lost for words.

A month passes like a blink of the eye

2008-07-20T10:42:00.006+01:00

Hola! it hardly seems almost a month since my last post, I have been innundated by emails enquiring about my health and wishing me a speedy recovery (one). Well as you know from Beast's tawdry little blog, Cafe Cuntt is up and running. It has been a steep learning curve for everyone involved, especially MrC, but things look like they are taking shape. I keep meaning to take some photos but the digital camera batteries seem to keep running out of juice at a frightening rate. Do rechargeable batteries actually have a lifespan?

So, in a flash of lateral thinking I bought a couple of postcards to give you a feel of Dorchester, where the Cafe is. Unfortunately, glossy postcards don't scan too well. Above is the street where the cafe is located, the photo must have been taken just outside Cafe Cuntt looking down the street. On the left hand is the museum and on the right hand is "Judge Jefereys Restaurant & Coffee House" (now a Prezzo pizza place). The text on the back of the card says "Following Monmouth's defeat at Sedgemoor, the county town of Dorchester was the scene of the infamous Bloody Assizes presided over by 'hanging' Judge Jeffreys. Look it up you lazy sods.

The next postcard is a bit more interesting: ANCIENT DORSET: Ammonites on Charmouth beach date from 280 million years ago. Much more recent, Maident Castle dates from the iron age. The ruined parish church of Knowlton sits inside a Neolithic Henge. The Cerne Abbas Giant stides across the landscape As you can see, we have history up to our arseholes here in Dorset - you can barely walk down the street without tripping over some monument or ancient burial site.

Other news: depressed by the continuing bad weather this summer in England I have booked a holiday in Spain! I have dug out the flip-flops and mankini from the wardrobe and will be departing early September, the Viagra has been ordered over the internet & Mr Stinks (the cat) has been told he'll have to fend for himself in September!

Death and all his friends

2008-06-24T18:55:00.003+01:00

Health News: I am recovering from dental surgery at the mo' - I've had an abscess removed from my gum. It was too deep to get at through the tooth so had to go to the hospital for day surgery. They refused to give me general anaesthetic and only gave me a local, my request for "certain" painkillers or even a horse tranquiliser was turned down flat and suggested I use paracetamol!

This is whats wrong with the National Health Service in this country - they just don't listen to the patients. Still, fingers crossed I didn't contract MRSA. So I am self medicating, long gone are the days when a phone call to (Sir) Dr. Blick would prompt a flurry of prescription forms. He was struck off by the General MedicalCouncil and has apparently set up a private practice in Cyprus now (lucky sods). My online medication service has been apparently shut down by the DEA in America, the owners are on the run (with my credit card details). A thorough search of the medicine cabinet and also under the bed also failed to bring results.

Still, a quick visit to Winty Bantaan's BMW, parked conviently in Burger King's car park in Tower Park, Poole (Mon-Sat 6-9pm, all day Sundays) came up trumps. I manage to purchase a quarter of weed, a heavy-hitting indica - great for pain relief and helping sleep while recovering.

Now - many people use weed medicinally, it can treat a wide range of symptoms, isn't toxic and has a plus side of being pleasurable. If it wasn't fun would it be a legal medicine? Undoubtably. What is it with all this puritanical bullshit?

Anyways, try and give the event above some support if you can. It really is a lifesaver to many people. Me? I shall be far too stoned to leave the house to attend.

Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly

2008-06-15T17:38:00.004+01:00

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly.
I dunno why she swallowed that fly,
Perhaps she'll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a spider,
That wriggled and jiggled and wiggled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
But I dunno why she swallowed that fly -
Perhaps she'll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a bird;
How absurd, to swallow a bird!
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and jiggled and wiggled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
But I dunno why she swallowed that fly -
Perhaps she'll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a cat,
Imagine that, she swallowed a cat.
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird . . .
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and jiggled and wiggled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
But I dunno why she swallowed that fly
Perhaps she'll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a dog.
What a hog! To swallow a dog!
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat . . .
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird . . .
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and jiggled and wiggled insider her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
But I dunno why she swallowed that fly
Perhaps she'll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a goat.
Just opened her throat and swallowed a goat!
She swallowed the goat to catch the dog . . .
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat.
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird . . .
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and jiggled and wiggled insider her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly
But I dunno why she swallowed that fly
Perhaps she'll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a cow.
I don't know how she swallowed a cow!
She swallowed the cow to catch the goat . . .
She swallowed the goat to catch the dog . . .
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat . . .
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird . . .
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and jiggled and wiggled insider her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
But I dunno why she swallowed that fly.
Perhaps she'll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a horse -
She's dead, of course.

I loved this song when I was a kid, any ideas who did it?