Living in Grace

Big news!

2009-06-26T16:22:00.000-07:00

I AM GOING TO BE A GRANDMA!!!

I got the news while I was at work Tuesday. Not exactly the place you want to get the news that your first born is having a baby. I was stunned at first, long pause on the phone.....couldn't say a whole lot with all of my coworkers and customers standing around. Not to mention I couldn't concentrate after that! So many thoughts ran through my head after that. I thought about the fact that M probably won't be here for the delivery. And next I thought about how after about 6 months, her and her baby and husband will probably head back to their duty station - in another state. It's going to break this grandma's heart. Might sound a little selfish. It is her baby, her family, but I want to be a part of my grandchildrens lives. But as the hours and days wore on, joy filled my soul. I want to shout to the world that I am going to be a grandmother. I've looked forward to this day for years! Even when K was dating, I thought of grandchildren.

I think back to when my parents fell in love, and then had children. Or my grandparents. Then B and I. And now, another generation is born. I look forward to spending time with my grandchild. I can't wait to read it stories and give it baths. I look forward to showing it off for the world to see. Walks to the park and out for ice cream, sleep overs, talks about God, hugs and kisses.

I get to do right, what I did wrong the first time around. And once the baby goes back home to mommy and daddy, I can put my feet up and relax.

Being a grandma is going to be so rewarding. I'm already praying for this little gift that God has blessed our families with. My heart is full!

Father's in my life

2009-06-21T16:57:00.001-07:00

Since it's father's day, I wanted to do a post about the father's in my life.

First and foremost, I think of my heavenly Father. Honestly, I didn't think of Him until I decided to journal. Mostly we celebrate father's day for our earthly fathers, but I can't go without being thankful for the One who loves me most. The One who "knit me in my mother's womb" and knows "the number of hairs on my head". He is the one who blessed me with the father who raised me, and and the father of my children. I am so thankful for them both!

Next is my dad, Pa. I knew I loved him much, but the saying is so true "you don't know what you have until it is gone". Oh how I miss him. The sound of his voice, the way he smelled, his touch, the twinkle in his eye. He wasn't the kind of daddy that got on the floor and played with you, but he was never short on hugs and kisses, and he loved to kid around. He helped me to be the woman I am today. I think I get my sense of humor from him. I also think that I am very relational like him. I like to socialize and be with people. He had a tenderness for animals and babies, something I also inherited from him. Probably the best thing that he gave me was the ability to love and be loved - to show affection. I so look forward to the day I get to hug him again!

B is my soul mate, the father of my children. I am amazed that God knows just who is the right person to share your life with. I am also amazed that he fills me with an unending love for my husband. I love him even at his worst. I love him in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, better or worse. I'm thankful that he is by my side in raising our children. Parenting is no easy task, but I love that I have his support. It is comforting to know that he loves my children just as much as I do. I love what he brings to our lives, and the gifts that he has passed on to our children. He shares his artistic talent, his natural ability with computers and electronics, his love for movies and music, his ability to think things through and figure things out, his love of cooking, his sense of humor and that fact that he puts God and his wife first in his life. It is so cool to see how each of the kids has inherited a few of these traits from him.

Father God, I love you. I am so thankful that you first loved me. I praise you for the gifts in my life, for the father you blessed me with. I always knew I was loved with him. Some kids don't have that. Thank you Lord for my dad - give him a squeeze for me. My heart overflows with joy and love for the husband that you have given me, for the work you are doing in his life. We are nowhere close to perfection, but I see so much growth in his life, I see you working in his life. Thank you for blessing us with our three beautiful children. They truly are a blessing, and I'm so thankful that you entrusted them in our care! I pray you be with each one of them. Help them to fully know you, and to share their lives with you. Thank you Father God, for all you have done and are going to do!! Amen

Time with family

2009-06-21T16:17:00.000-07:00

Time spent with family is precious memories!

Friday night my 7 year old nephew S came over to spend the night. This is a special occasion because S' mom and my nephew D are not together and D allowed him to be adopted when he was a baby by her new husband. Any way - the point is, she still allows him to be a part of our lives. They live in Texas because he is in the Army, so I don't see him often. Since we don't see each other often, our time together is special. I love that he adores me, his Auntie. We have a special connection!

We started the night out by going for ice cream at Coldstones. A luxury we can't afford right now, but sometimes you have to sacrifice for those you love! So we all packed in the car and headed out for ice cream. He loves to chat, and says the cutest things!! He's very smart as well. In the 99th percentile for the whole state of Texas, and can read at a 4th grade level! He's going into 2nd grade! (Proud auntie). He was telling stories on the way there, and he cracked B up with a story. Apparently he had a sticker and was pretending to rip the hair off of his leg with it. He told a story about how his mom had to take a bandage or something off of him on his upper thigh, and it ripped his "man hair" off. LOL.

Later he and my 12 year old son J were discussing if the person on the riding lawn mower was a girl or a guy. She was an older lady with a baseball hat on, so it was hard for him to tell. I said "S, she has boobies. A guy doesn't have boobies". To which he replied "my dad has boobies!" :) Out of the mouths of babes!!

The most precious moment for me was when we were getting ready to eat breakfast. Backing up, he had gotten up before I did, and was watching Uncle B play the video game Madden football. He was keeping score. I love how he makes himself at home here. I had gotten up, and he said, "Auntie Char, can I please have breakfast". So polite!! So I made our breakfast and the two of us sat down at the counter to eat. Before I know it he has his hands folded and his little head bowed, and he prays something like this "Dear God, thank you for my cousins and my Aunt and Uncle. Thank you that we could take a trip up here to visit with them. Amen". Awww!! I thought my heart would melt into a puddle on the floor! I'm not real sure where his family is spiritually, but it always seems like he is very aware of God.

After playing a few video games with his cousins J & C (his favorite thing to do with them!) we headed outside. I had some flowers to plant and some wash to hang, and then I promised a trip to the park. My nephew D and his fiance and new baby arrived early, (D is his biological father), so we all headed to the park together. The whole time we are together I get to hear stories about his life. Fights he's had, what his friends say, things he's done. He chatters nonstop.

When we got home from the park the rest of my family was there for a visit with him. Grandma brought lots of food to eat. We grilled hot dogs on the grill, she brought cheese and sausage and baked a cake. She supplied chips and soda and cookies too. Everyone pigged out and visited for the next few hours. I had bought the kids bubbles and stickers, so that kept them partially entertained.

It was a great visit with my nephews and their families, along with my brother, sister and mom. D has a new baby now, so S got so see his new baby brother! And I got some baby time in. :) Nothing fancy or big, just time together spent with family. Those are the memories that last.

My Daddy

2009-06-17T19:21:00.000-07:00

Not sure why, maybe because father's day is approaching? But I really miss my Dad today. I still can't believe he's gone. When I think of him, it still feels like my heart is in a vice grip.

These things describe dad:

1. Old spice cologne

2. Oldie country-western music

3. Pabst Blue Ribbon beer

4. Mayonnaise and onion sandwiches

5. Whiskers

6. The Price is Right

7. Crossword puzzles

8. Big vans

9. White t-shirts

10. Flat feet

11. Gardens

12. Michigan

13. Loud booming laughter

14. Big bright smile

15. Baby blue eyes

16. Big, warm hands

17. Black licorice

18. Reader's Digest

19. The newspaper

20. Old western movies

21. Semi trucks

22. Flat brimmed hats

23. Cribbage

24. Radishes with salt

25. Hidden candy bars

26. Nicknames like Shenna, Joot, Kylie, Molly putz, Corky, Porker B, Muchit, Svelt

27. How Great Thou Art & In the Garden

28. Hairy chest

29. Deedly deedly dee dee dee

30. Flannel shirts or jackets

31. National Geographic

32. Korean war

33. Bald head

34. Crawling in his lap so he could warm my feet up

Don't take your fathers for granted. Reflect on what you love about them, because once they are gone, that is what you remember most. I loved my dad very much.

Love Overflowing

2009-06-16T20:05:00.000-07:00

Lately, despite my struggles, I feel as if I am overflowing with joy. Bursting at the seams. I am finding God more in more in the day to day things. The hug I get from my young boy who is approaching manhood. The news from a friend that "it's a girl!" Sitting among friends at a softball game, cheering for our men. Eating dinner with my family, goofing off. Excitement in my husband's voice about his school schedule. A sweet card in the mail from a friend, just because. Sitting on my deck at lunch, absorbing the sun. Time spent with my sisters in Christ, pouring over God's word.

Fitting that our sermon on Sunday was about the Fruit of the Spirit being Love. God is the source of all love. We can truly love because God poured out His love unto us when He gave us the Holy Spirit. (Romans 5:5) You see, natural love is selfish. Given to benefit/serve me. Supernatural love is selfless. A sacrifice given to benefit someone else.

Only when we begin to comprehend the depth of God's love can we love others. Ephesians 3:18-19 I pray that you may have power to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. The reason people can not give love like they should is because they don't understand what they have received, or they haven't accepted His love.

Here's the part I love. The flow of God's love. John 15:1-17. to paraphrase: I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. (This is the joy I have been experiencing lately). My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Man. When you are connected to God, the love flows right through. Having a hard time loving? Your connection has been turned off. Romans 15:7 Accept one another as God accepts you.

I want more! More love, more power, more of You in my life. (Sorry, broke into song there). I am so hungry for God right now. 3 key principles. 1. KNOW - I am loved & have access to His love through the Spirit. 2. CONNECT - spend time with Christ - abide. 3. PRAY - give me the ability to love like you. Then ask yourself this, "what do they need from me that God wants to supply?"

There is so much joy/love in being a child of God, it's difficult not to love!

Hungry I come to you for I know ... you satisfy
Broken I come to you for I know your love ... does not run dry
So I wait ... for you... So I wait ... for you
I'm falling on my knees...offering all of me...
Jesus your all this heart is living for!

Life catch up

2009-06-09T16:24:00.000-07:00

There is a reason I have not journaled for some time now - life has been very busy! It all started with my baby girl getting married suddenly! That's right, married! I'm still recovering from that one myself. I'm very happy for them. Honestly in the beginning I wasn't thrilled that they decided to rush and go to the courthouse, but in hind sight, it was the best thing. God is so good that way. He blessed it and made it a beautiful day, even if it wasn't traditional! He knew what was ahead!

M was home on leave from the Army before going to his duty station. They felt the urgent need to get married, rather then wait until fall like they originally planned. What this did for them was double his income, provide health insurance for K that she didn't have, life insurance and peace of mind. Low and behold not even a month later he found out he is getting deployed this summer!! They definitely would've wanted to be married before that happened.

So first came the wedding. We had about 2 days to plan it. It is a good thing his mom, Toni, and I are good friends (thanks to our kids!) We make a pretty good team. Originally we were just going to have immediate family. We did only have immediate family at the ceremony, but we had an open house in the evening for guests. It started out just cake and punch, but ended up being appetizers too.

A quick run to Costco, a phone call to the cake place, a stop at a friends for wedding decorations (she just married 3 daughters), round up of tables and chairs, and a call to a friend to take pictures, and we were on our way! The cool thing is, so many guests asked how they could help, and almost every guest brought a dish to share! We didn't think to have a guest book, but I'll bet there were at least 150 people there - with only 24 hours notice! It was cool to see how many people love and care about them, and I'm sure they were encouraged and blessed. It was a crazy couple of days. Thankfully I was able to get off with short notice at work. When I think back now, God took care of so many details!

The ceremony was quaint. There wasn't a lot of emphasis about God and his importance, but the vows were beautiful and did talk about them being one. I believe in my heart of hearts that God was there, and he did bless their union. Their youth pastor could not marry them, because they weren't finished with the premarital counseling yet, so our only choice was the court house. I hope for their sakes, that they finish their counseling - something they may regret if they don't.

After the ceremony, we went to a fairly fancy restaurant at the Amercian Club. A nice time was had by both families. We even clinked the glasses for the traditional kissing! Everyone was just thrilled and it was hard not to smile that day. Some memories that come to mind are the fact that her grandpa was in charge of picking up the cake, and he fell on it and smooshed it - oops. But she is so gracious that it didn't even bother her. I think grandpa felt awful - and now it is something we can laugh about. Before lunch we stopped at her job - Starbucks - rather then the bar. M's parents treated everyone to a coffee drink and they got to celebrate with her coworkers for a few minutes. It was a very rainy morning, but by the time her open house began, the skies had cleared and the sun came out!!

I called upon a friend who I've seen take wonderful pictures with her amazing camera (thanks Elizabeth!) She generously cleared her schedule and came out for the day to take photos. This relieved us from having to focus on it, and she did such a good job. My only regret is that she wasn't able to make the open house, and we didn't get many photos of that night. We were too busy!! I guess weddings aren't meant to be perfect.

The night was like any other wedding reception. We were greeted by many guests and had to take time for each one of them. We hardly had time to breath, and I know B never had a chance to even eat! The night went quickly, but was a joyous time we will never forget.

The original plan was to still have a celebration in the fall, or even on the anniversary date of their wedding. That was until we found out about his deployment. The good thing is, they are completely content with the ceremony they had. If anything, I feel bad for the guests who could not make it on such short notice.

He went off to Kansas where he is stationed, and she stayed back to wait for their celebration. As soon as he found out their plans for him (about a month later), he called and asked her to come as soon as possible so they could spend some of their married life together before he left.

That brings me to part 2 of the saga - a quick road trip to Kansas with my daughter!! To be continued.....

2009-04-11T18:12:00.000-07:00

This time of year is bittersweet for me. I feel such sadness that my Savior had to suffer the way He did. I feel horrible about how he was mocked, spit on, and beat. He loved every one of those who were cruel to Him. He loves each of us though we continue to live in sin, worship idols, and turn from Him.

I wish it didn't have to be. I wish he didn't have to bear the punishment for all that we have done and will do. But He did. We have a God who is good and wise. He knew what He was doing when he devised this plan. He loved us so much and wanted to be with us so badly, that He knew this was the only way we could come before Him. A perfect and holy God.

I want my life to be about Him. I want Him to mold me into that person that makes a difference for eternity. Take all of my money, my belongings, my job... strip me of my earthly possessions and desires. I would give it all up to make an impact on eternity. I want everyone to know what He has done for all of man kind. No one should miss out on eternity.

Now I just need His strength to do it.

Looking forward to the Easter celebration tomorrow. Can't wait to worship with my church family and to sing songs of praise to the only One who deserves it. He is Alive! And oh how He loves you and me!!

Hi ho hi ho

2009-03-01T18:53:00.000-08:00

I am so drained. I know I should be very thankful that I have a job. Thankful that they have been able to give me more then my part-time hours. But I wish it weren't so. I do not feel "balanced" when I work 40 hours. I cannot keep up with my life and my family when I work this much. It makes me irritable and gives me a poor attitude. It really sucks. I never wanted to be a career woman. I've always cared more about my family.

I'm thankful for a husband who does the dishes and cooks dinner while I am away at work. I just never get the chance to clean the house the way I like to anymore. Pathetic, I know, but it drives me crazy. It's so hard when I come home for lunch and he is playing video games. Or when the kids have off of school so the whole family is home - everyone but me.

The weekends are a blur. By the time I donate plasma and grocery shop on Saturdays, it is nearly dinner time. After dinner and clean up, the day feels done. Sunday we are off to church and usually a stop afterwards. I get my Sunday nap and another day is in. The past week we have moved K into her new place. I'm thankful we could help her settle in. I'm just exhausted. Now the weekend is over, and I have to look forward to another 40 hour week.

Tonight I had to pick C up from a convention in Milwaukee. We got on the road late and then took a wrong turn, so we were about 30 minutes late. Because of this, I wasn't able to make my youth leader meeting tonight. I really wanted to be there as they were going to discuss the Jvers - which is where my heart is.

Speaking of youth group - I have not been present for a few weeks now. It's too hard to make the time on Wednesday night when my schedule is so full already. I hate it. My heart is still there, but my body isn't. I feel as if I can see them from afar and I want to be there, but I can't. Even if I were right now, I probably would not be a good leader or effective for Christ.

So tonight I feel frustrated, overwhelmed and discouraged.

B is more then likely going to take the free schooling and go for a 2 year degree since he has not been able to find a job. That is 2 more years of keeping up at this pace. I can't even think about it.

I feel so selfish and ungrateful in the grand scheme of things. So many have it much worse then us, whether it be bad health or no money at all or the loss of loved ones. Some aren't even sure where they will spend eterinity. I've just hit a low spot is all.

Thought I should write about it so that maybe one day I can look back and say - "I remember being in that valley".

Wishing to sign off with a bible verse, but right now my mind is blank.

Valleys

2009-01-16T19:51:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful for my warm house, food in my belly, a husband whom I love dearly, and a job that still provides. Especially this week as windchills hit 30 below zero!

Had to start out on a positive note. I try to look for the positives each day, as I "walk through this valley of death".

It is officially 3 months since B has been laid off. His health insurance has run out. Thankfully I am able to pick it up at my job, but at a much higher cost. It costs me nearly half of my wages. We were not quite making it before, I'm not sure how we will now. I can only rely on my faith in God. He will provide a way, I know He will. We've gone from a $175/week budget for groceries to $100/week to $75/week. Quite a challenge with a family of 5. Doubley challenging when we are trying so hard to eat healthy - there is no such thing as eating healthy cheaply.

I am able to work more hours at my job. Nearly 40, where I used to work 25. Another office needs help, so I work there on the 2 days a week that I used to have off. I put one foot in front of the other as off I go to work. B has been wonderful about cleaning the house and cooking dinner. He gets up every morning and takes the kids to school. I try so hard not to judge his cleaning or his cooking. I've learned to bite my tongue. It is a challenge for a mother/housewife to look the other way and let someone else take care of it. It is hard for me to be gone from home so much, and not something I wish for, but something that is necessary - and I'm thankful it is available to me. Added to the already hectic schedule I'm gone twice a week for about 2 hours each donating plasma. Between B and I, this provides food for our family.

My mom has not been doing well. She is in serious back pain and after a visit to the walk-in clinic, the E.R. and finally the orthapedic doctor, we have come to the conclusion that she will be needing surgery again. 2 of her vertabrae are literally bone on bone. She is in so much pain! I feel guilt often as I can not be there to help her as much as I could when I was working less hours. It is a lot to keep up with - a full-time job, a family, and a sick mother.

My girls don't like me very much right now, and it is hard to swallow. One is ready to flee the nest and spread her wings - and she doesn't want any direction from me. So again, I bite my tongue and watch her choose, some times at my expense. I feel a wedge between us, and it is painful.

Even more painful is feeling as if my 16 year old despises me and makes comments leading me to believe so. She wants to be as far from me as possible, and says hurtful things. I've come to realize she is doing all that she can to be as little like me as possible. She has even dyed her hair so that she looks less like me. I must be an awful person. I want to allow her her space, and am even considering leaving the youth ministry that I work with, so that she can have her space. Not an easy decision, and something I am praying about.

So I am ready for Spring. Ready for warmer weather, brighter colors, and the hope of new beginnings. Hopefully the next time I write, my disposition is 10 times better. In the mean time, I will let thy rod and thy staff comfort me...

Our Christmas News!

2008-12-25T05:39:00.000-08:00

My baby girl is getting married!! He asked her yesterday on Christmas Eve, one year from the day they started dating. They went for a walk in the beautiful falling snow, and he got down on one knee. Married!! How can I be that old!!

I know many will think they are too young, but I truly have peace in my heart about this union. He is a God fearing man who I feel will lead his family in Christ. Our families both get along so well, and it feels like such a natural thing to do.

Don't forget, Brian and I were young too. 16 when we met, 19 when we got engaged, 20 when we got married. We are still happily married. :) Along with his parents and grandparents and our parents as well!

He just finished boot camp in the Army (South Carolina). He will do 6 more weeks of training there, and then we don't know where he will be stationed. They are hoping for a fall wedding, as long as he doesn't get deployed and they have to speed things up.

So Christmas is doubly exciting for our family this year. God has been sooooo good to us. We feel so rich, in a time when I believe we have had the least amount of money. I'll blog more about that at a later date.

From our house to yours, have a Merry Christmas! Unto us a Savior is born!! Rejoice!!!

Sweet 16

2008-12-08T16:24:00.000-08:00

*sigh* I truly can not believe 16 years have gone by since the birth of our second daughter. I think back to the day of her birth. She was such a little peanut. My smallest baby at 7 lbs 1 ou. Not a strand of hair on her head. Just peach fuzz! But oh so cute and little and pink. And she had the biggest dimples I've ever seen on a newborn baby. I can still smell her. I remember the sleeper we brought her home in. White and lacey with little purple flowers all over it.

She's been pretty feisty from the get go. As a babe she didn't like to sleep much. The typical car rides would not put her to sleep - even as a newborn! As a toddler, she kept us hopping and could cry forever if she wasn't happy. I remember once having to have our food wrapped to go at a restaurant before we even took a bite! So different from our first born. She slept a lot, and was calm and mellow.

When she got older, she wasn't your typical little girl. She has always loved to play with bugs and critters and she never minded getting dirty. When her and her sister would play barbies, she would be the animal (beanie baby) while her sister was the barbies.

She's still so good with animals. She will clip their nails and train them to sit, give them their medicine or tend to their wounds. She's not really afraid of any animal - even reptiles like snakes and lizards.

She doesn't really prefer kids and thinks she might have only one some day. She babysits, but only when she's desperate for money. Kids love her though, they love her imagination and her art skills. (See painting below that she did for her sister of her favorite flowers).

I picture her doing something with animals or art for a living. Her art work is AMAZING and I hope that she can pursue a career that will be fulfilling and use the skills God has blessed her with. (She made both fur costumes in the picture below).

She is a teenager right now though. Most def. Her world revolves around her. It's difficult for her to think outside of herself. I pray one day she will mature into a generous, caring and Godly young lady.

One skill she has learned that the rest of our family hasn't is the ability to save. She is so good and saving her money. She is raising money right now to buy a fur suit (costume), which is the price of a small car!! Every penny she earns she tithes and then deposits. She doesn't even keep any cash for herself. This will work in her favor some day.

All that to say, I am blessed. Thankful and blessed. Thankful that the Lord has blessed us with 3 children - trusted them in our care. They are all well rounded and special in their own ways. Today I'm praising God for C. For her smile and the skills He has blessed her with. For the girl she was and the woman she will one day be.

Sweet 16

Praises through trials

2008-11-23T07:45:00.000-08:00

O.k. so I re-read the last few posts, and I think it's time to take a break from being a downer. This past week or two have gotten progressivley worse. Tension levels are high and no one in our family likes each other too much at the moment.

My goal is to post a few praises among my blogging these next few weeks. Praising Him always makes me feel better.

Today I'm praising God for two things. The first is my little (big) boy becoming a young man. He has been the biggest help lately, when we need it most. He helped his Dad all day on Saturday clean up the house and garage and get ready for our company. No complaining or grumbling. That is a HUGE blessing. Then this morning he got up before anyone else, took a shower, made a pot of coffee and some banana pancakes - all by himself! He's 12!! We've also heard recently from his teacher that his behavior has improved greatly and he has been much more respectful and his homework has been on time! It's the little things like that that make life easier when you are walking through a storm.

My second praise is my new friend Toni. She comes to me via my daughter K. You see, K is dating her son. There is a very good chance we will be inlaws together some day, as I sense K and M are very serious. I think God knew I would need a friend like her during this time. It's odd because on one hand we are still strangers, but on the other we can tell each other anything, and we share so much, including our faith in God. I'm so thankful God knows what He's doing.

Now I'm off to praise our wonderful Maker amongst the fellowship of other believers!

Update

2008-11-14T16:45:00.001-08:00

We are still jobless. We found out his company laid off more people so it's looking less and less likely he will get called back. We need the housing market to bounce back first, and that seems grim. His company may never bounce back.

Times are so uncertain right now. Another company near us just laid off 45 people, a jewelry store I've known since I was a little girl just closed down, for sale signs are in front of homes everywhere, but no one is buying. Our 401K accounts are diminished. Jobs are scarce.

For the first time in our lives, B and I have to consider using the area food pantry. We have to not pay some of our bills and that is extremely difficult. We have to sit back and watch our credit go down the tubes. Everyone says - pay your mortgage first so you have a place to live - well our mortgage is almost all of our income. I'd almost rather not have the house at this point. It's a burden. Thoughts of selling it have crossed my mind, but then reality hits - homes aren't selling.

I wonder what the future holds? Part of me would feel free to be rid of all of our material possessions. There is freedom in that. Is that what it is going to come to?

As I seek help from area organizations, the waiting lists are endless - people all over the place are in the same boat that we are. Stress levels are high this week. I think B is getting restless and feeling powerless. I'm tired and stressed from working a lot more hours then I'm used to. Between work and donating plasma, I feel like I'm gone so much. I prefer to be home with my family.

But my faith is still strong in that God has a plan for us and our family and His plans are always good. We'll see what next week holds.

Growing strong

2008-10-28T16:31:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to share a few praises.

I am able to get more hours at work. I'm averaging 35-37 hours a week filling in at other offices. I usually work about 25. I've been able to donate plasma regularly (twice a week). Taking a multi-vitamin to keep my iron up so I don't get turned away. Today was my 6th donation this month, so I got a $20 bonus on top of my fee! :) It's way easier to put in more hours with B home keeping up with the house and the kids and dinner.

B had a phone interview and will probably be getting another call to come in and interview soon. Pray for wisdom. Pray for God to provide the right job for him and our family. He is definitely growing closer to the Lord during this. He shared what he was reading in scripture this week - this is a huge praise!! He usually only opens his bible on Sundays. He gets up with me and the kids in the morning and helps get them off to school. Then he starts on the dishes, etc. Well this morning while he was cleaning up, he turned on Christian music. Usually I am the only one to turn on Christian music!

Unexpected things keep happening. Like we got a $25 refund on a medical bill we overpaid on. Friends from church our showering us with love and prayers and offering any help they can.

I am learning to grocery shop on a much smaller budget. It's become sort of an exciting challenge for me - to see how many groceries I can get for x amount of dollars. I use coupons and store adds and generic brands and our bill is almost cut in half. It's amazing. The down side is that we can't eat as healthy cuz healthy is expensive.

B is trying to figure out ebay so that he can sell some of his collectibles and things we don't need. He also made his very own antenna after returning the $100 one. We got rid of cable but want to get local channels. The store bought one didn't work very well so he did some research on the internet and learned how to make his own for about $5. It gets in more channels then the store bought one!

Most of all I can honestly say I'm thankful to be going through this trial. The other day at youth group our pastor was sharing out of scripture and he mentioned that Jesus usually hung out with those in need and those suffering. The first thing I thought was that if I lived in that time, I would want to be one of those people so I could hang out with him. It's kind of how I feel now - so much closer to him. He is refining each member of our family, and it is exciting to watch!

Answer to prayer or not?

2008-10-18T19:16:00.000-07:00

Pinch me. Is this really happening? Have our finances gone from bad to worse? Did B really get laid off?

Let me share. A few weeks back the "rumor" was there was a layoff coming. Sure I was a little concerned - lets face it, the economy is not good. But I was hoping this was like all of the other "rumors". Just heresay, or that B wouldn't be affected by it. I guess it was our turn. The news was kind of a shock. Well, not kind of, it was a huge shock! In fact when he told me, I thought he was joking! Funny part is one evening my friend Nikki called and asked if he got laid off. Her dad works at the same company and heard of a lay off. I said no, not yet. When B got to work, (third shift) he was told there was a meeting in the morning at 5 a.m. He immediately called me to pray about it. When he walked through our door at 7 a.m. and said he got laid off, I didn't believe him at first. Denial.

That first day was emotionally exhausting. I thought of every possible situation that could happen, every scenario we could do to avoid it, should we do this or that, will we get to keep the house or not, what are luxuries that we can get rid of, should I find a new job or another part-time job. Talk about scary. Insecure. That was the first day. It's been about 3 days now. Don't get me wrong. I'm still scared. I go from one extreme to the other. Scared to death. Completely at peace that God is in control and has a plan for us.

B & I wonder if God hasn't answered a few of our prayers by this.

For years we've been praying for a first shift position so that he can get off of third and function as a normal person. We've prayed they he would be able to get out of the foundary and into the office to use his degree or skills. We've prayed for God to give us wisdom with our finances and our spending habits.

Maybe this is a praise? Maybe God has answered our prayers or is answering our prayers?

What are we doing so far to get by? For now, we have started to donate plasma twice a week for extra income. We are dropping cable and possibly internet on Monday (guess I'll have to go to the library), we don't rent movies anymore, we loan them from the library, we've switched to mostly generic brands (can't believe how much this saves!), we don't waste food - all of the leftovers get eaten. We don't eat out, we don't go out for entertainment. We sit together as a family and eat. We have more conversations.

To quote my husband "maybe this is a good thing, maybe it will help us to refocus on what is important and draw closer as a family". Amen to that.

Please be praying for us as we walk through this valley. Hopefully we come out refined on the other end!

Baby getting big

2008-09-26T16:24:00.000-07:00

So I haven't updated in awhile. Some of you may be curious about our kitty? Well, he is alive and well! Almost 3 months now! We got through the burping and the butt wiping and late night feedings. He's self sufficient now. Goes potty in his box and eats when he's hungry. He's a pretty cool cat. Very affectionate, sort of human like. :) He entertains us often. He makes us laugh. Gives us affection (hugs and all!) We are all very attached. Things have been stressful around here lately, and he helps relieve that stress - nothing like snuggling up with someone/thing when you are feeling blue. We never really named him. I still call him Baby. The kids named him Oscar but nobody calls him that. We thought about Vader since he is black - but Baby is the only thing that comes off of my tongue! We've reached our limit for pets though. We are maxed out. No more!!

Fearfully and wonderfully made

2008-09-24T11:43:00.001-07:00

Ugh. My heart hurts right now. But even as I sit here and try and figure out how to verbalize how I'm feeling, God gave me a verse to dwell on...you are fearfully and wonderfully made. I knit you in your mother's womb.

Fearfully and wonderfully made? It's comforting to know that God thinks I'm wonderful, because I certainly don't feel it.

Today I've hit a brick wall. I think the past few weeks the trials in my life have been gradually snowballing. Today that snowball hit a wall and created a blizzard that I can't see past right now. I know all the right things to do, I know to go to God's word and to prayer, yet none of it seems to bring me comfort right now. I know He loves me and I am His and that alone should be enough, but somewhere I went wrong. Some how I'm missing something.

It's not like I've had a serious tragedy in my life or anything lately, and I feel like such a baby whining about it. I know I should not grumble or complain. I know I should be thankful and count my blessings. Why am I finding this so difficult?

I don't even know if I want to share the nitty gritty of things that are piling up, because I'm not sure if I want to expose myself that much for the world to see. To be that vulnerable. I am a child of God, yet today I do not feel like one! Satan's lies, I know. I can almost see God's hand reaching down to me from heaven, but I can't reach it! It's just out of my reach!!

A major stress in my life is finances. Without all of the gory details, B and I have made some very poor choices over the course of our marriage (almost 19 years!). We've created a mound of debt that I'm pretty sure will be there until the day we die. Not until recent years did I even understand the concept of being a good steward of the Lord. Now the damage is done, and the habits are extremely hard to break. Sometimes I feel as though the weight of it will crush me! So often I pray for the Lord to take this burden from me and to give me financial freedom, but why should He? These are the consequences that we have to pay so that we can grow and learn from it. If I only knew then, what I know now. I wish we would've had premarital counseling and that Brian would've been a Christian before we got married. But that's not how it happened, so now I have to live the life we've created and seek guidance from our Creator. This week we didn't even buy groceries because we were short, and we've been in the habit of charging them. I KNOW that the charging has to stop. That bill just keeps getting bigger and bigger like a big eye staring me in the face!! So we made a choice to not charge the groceries, and to finish what we have in our cupboards. It has not been easy. Yesterday we ate 3 chicken breasts, some fish sticks, and mashed potatoes. We are by no means starving, but we are forced to be thankful that we are taking in nourishment. And just when you get a plan to pay this bill or that bill, another one pops up. For instance, I recently had an MRI done because I am suffering virtigo. Found out my portion of the bill will be around $700!! One bill gone, another one looming ahead of us.

The virtigo I'm suffering is another issue. I do think it is getting better, but I don't know where it came from or if it is going away for good. The MRI did not show any growths or blockage in my ears or head. The next stop is the ENT specialist. When it first began the room would spin so easily for me - if I bent over, if I tilted my head to blow dry my hair, when I laid back or rolled over in bed. It was kind of like when you were a kid and would spin in circles and then stop. Exhilirating if its for fun - annoying if you can't control it. The Dr. gave me some medication to control it. The first day I took the meds I was in the twilight zone. I could not stay awake and wanted to go to sleep forever. After a week of playing with the meds and cutting them back more then half, I found a comfortable dose. As comfortable as could be. I always felt sort of "fuzzy" and unable to focus. I always felt like I could use a nap too. This week I've stopped taking the medication and I only notice the virtigo when I move really fast in one of the aforementioned directions. Next week is my visit with the specialist. Some people tell me they know people who just have to live with it, or they know someone that had it and it went away on it's own, but they don't know what caused it. I don't know if I like either result so I just try to be thankful it isn't a far more serious health condition and wait on the Lord for relief.

My children are causing me pain. Or my lack of parenting is causing me pain. Or maybe my insecurity? I'm not sure. Lately, I've been feeling like such a failure as a parent. I know it is the wrong way to think. Failure. I just did a seminar a few weeks ago about the terrible cycle these feelings of failure can lead to. I need to dwell on God's truth and not believe satan's lies. And I will - later. Lately my kids obedience is nonexistent. I honestly feel as if I'm talking to a wall. I know I don't offer enough consequences, I know I don't keep them accountable enough, I know we don't spend enough time together in God's word, and God is definitely make it clear to me these days. My oldest is 18. She's ready to leave her childhood behind and head into adulthood. In that process, we are struggling with respect. She doesn't seem to understand that we are still her parents and she still lives in our house. My daughter who I hold dear, and our friendship that I cherish, is being stripped from me. THIS is my struggle. I want to be loved by them, to be their best friend, and I KNOW that I have to be their parent first. I want them to respect us and be proud of who we are. Honestly, I don't feel as if we are leaving a legacy at all. If anything, it feels as if they are ashamed of us? More lies - I know. My middle child likes to lock herself in her room, because she prefers her privacy and her space. O.k. but how does that make the rest of us feel that she doesn't want to spend time with us? She's so crabby all the time - like a continual PMS cycle. Now and then a bright light of her true personality will shine through a tiny crack - when she smiles at you, the world becomes a brighter place. And just like that it is gone. And the youngest. Oh boy. He is complicated. He is my tender hearted, sensitive young man. He has no focus, no organizational skills, no concept of enough, and no concern of the pig stye he creates wherever he goes. I love him beyond description, yet lately he drives me INSANE!!! Today I got a call from his teacher. He is doing poorly in school. Turning assignments in late, not trying hard enough, keeping a messy desk where he can't find things, etc. To top it off , his teacher is a friend from church. Not that she is judging me, but it just brings more shame. We have had such a struggle with him since school started. I hound him all night long to do his homework, do his chores, put away the dish you just used, brush your teeth, wash your hair, finish your homework....no wonder he tunes me out!!! But I am at a loss as to getting him to be repsonsible and be obedient. I know he wants to. He means well. He just can't stay focused on a task long enough to do anything. If things don't improve, he will need to be tested again. Her phone call today was the straw on the camels back. The finishing touch to my downward spiral.

I'm unhappy, dissatisfied, and discontent. My house is not clean enough. It needs fresh paint and new carpet. The yard needs weeding and cleaning up. The closets are cluttered and disorganized and I hate it. I cannot function with this much disarray in my life. I need things in order and in control. I want to run but I can't. I want to respond correctly but I'm not sure how. I cannot be used by God right now - I'm sure I can't!

Fearfully and wonderfully made? I think I need to do a little more research into what God is trying to tell me.

Newborn in the house

2008-07-15T18:28:00.000-07:00

Sunday after church we stopped by my sister's house. She lives on a farm. They have this one cat, Pumpkin, who keeps getting pregnant. Well, after he 2nd litter she got ringworm and went blind in one eye. Ever since then, she has been a bad mommy and her litters keep dying. Well, she had another litter out in the cow pasture, and the cow trampled all but one. They found him crawling away for his life. A few hours later we stop in for a visit and she was like - I'm so glad you are here! We need someone to take care of this kitten!

You see, he needs to eat every 2-4 hours, just like a real baby, and they work full-time. My kids are out of school right now, so they figured this was ideal. So, we agreed. How could we not? Can't let the poor thing die.

I explained to the kids that there is a very good chance he won't survive, and if he does, we are NOT keeping it. We already have 2 cats and a dog - that is enough. He will either go back to the farm, or my mom will take him - she could use a companion.

Well....it is really not all that different then having a newborn in the house. Mind you we got him when he was a day old! I don't even know if he nursed at all or not! So we had to buy kitty formula and kitty bottles. We keep a heating pad in his little cage to keep him warm.

This is how the routine goes. "Baby" (this is what I call him and it is fast sticking as his name) starts bobbing around his blanket looking for something to eat - thats our cue. We head for the fridge, get out the kitty formula, pour 1-2 teaspoons in his bottle, and warm it in a cup of warm water. Test it on your wrist - not too warm, not too cold. Wipe "Baby's" bottom with a warm cotton ball to stimulate him to go potty (mocking what the mother's do until they are old enough to go on their own). By now he is usual frantic and "crying" on the top of his lungs. Now comes the tedious task of getting him to latch on to the nipple which usually involves two people. (Unless you are my daughter C who is natural with animals and seems to have it mastered on her own.) Basically it involves psyching him out. Force the nipple in the side of his mouth, squeeze a few drops in until he starts sucking and move the nipple to the front where he latches on. It's usually good for awhile until he turns his head and then you start all over. It takes about 45 minutes to feed him. Half way through you have to stop and burp him - I kid you not! They tell you too. Now naturally the mother cats don't do this, but they aren't feeding the baby out of a bottle that contains air. And he does burp - you can hear it. Problem is while you are burping him he is squaking and squirming for more. Then you proceed to the second half of the bottle. Latch on...latch of. It can get quite tiring. It's amazing how much he squirms - he nearly died when he squirmed his way out of my hands once and took a leap through the air!! When he can't seem to get anymore you wipe his bottom again and then he bobbles around on your shirt looking for something to pacify him. He usually ends up in your neck, and has even been caught sucking the thumb of the hand that holds him - all while purring!! How can you not fall in love.

2 a.m. feedings - yup. Up at 5 a.m. too feed again. Sterilizing bottles. Runs to the store for formula and cotton balls. Washing his blanket every day. I'm consuming more coffee and diet coke to keep my bloodshot eyes open.

For some reason this all seems vaguely familiar. It is my hope that if he can't pull through he dies quickly so we don't get too attached. I am encouraged though because he's gained an ounce in 2 days. He's going to the bathroom, peeing, purring, and thriving.

My biggest concern is when the girls and I are gone next week on a missions trip to New Orleans. Will he be alive when we get back? I hope so. Maybe his eyes will be open too. Stay tuned for Baby's progress.

Graduation Day

2008-06-11T19:47:00.000-07:00

Wow. What a bittersweet day. For one thing it brought back many memories of my own graduation. The excitement. The anticipation. The fear. The sadness. The celebration. But to be the parent sitting in the crowd watching your first born child walk up for her diploma is a whole nother thing. How can it be? How can she be graduating already? An adult. What happened to the years? Just a reminder that our time here on earth is but "the blink of an eye" as MercyMe sings. Such a short time to make a difference for eternity. It reminds me that my focus needs to be off of earthly things and onto heavenly things.

So it is with hesitation that I slowly release my grip on my little girl. She has to make her own choices now. I pray that she learned from us as parents some important lessons in life. To love the Lord before anyone else; love others before yourself; to give generously of time, service, and money; to not lie, cheat or steal; to forgive and forget; to be obedient to authority and elders; to remember where she came from and who loves her most here on this earth.

I am eager to see her choices as an adult. I lift her in prayer often. These next few years in college are critical, and I pray her life honors God and us. I pray that she doesn't forget us as she leads her own life.

It sure is hard to let go. I leave her in God's hands now. He can do mighty things with her!

Father God, thank you for allowing us to have and raise our precious daughter. I pray that we did well. I pray that you guide her steps and keep her strong against temptation and evil. Please keep a hedge of protection around her. I pray that her life makes a difference for all of eternity. Please reveal yourself to her every day Lord and may she always be a part of our lives. In your precious and holy name I pray. Amen

Our Graduate

2008-06-05T18:45:00.000-07:00

Today’s your day you’ve made it through
Dad and I are so proud of you

We’ve watched you grow through the years
Leaned on God with all of our fears

We can’t see the future but remember the past
Our love for you will always last

You’ll leave us now for the next chapter of your story
We pray that you always give God all the glory

Don’t ever give up, give it all that you’ve got
Pray about decisions that’s your best shot

So long high school, hello college
Choose wisely what you do with all your knowledge

No matter what happens, no matter what you do
Dad and I will never stop loving you!

Congratulations to our graduate!

Praise you in the storm

2008-05-17T21:51:00.000-07:00

Well, the weather is a little rough in our house these days. Lately I do not see eye to eye with my teens. Especially one in particular. I know it is a phase. I know this is life. I know I was horrible to my mother at one point in my life. Yet it does not make it any easier. I try to keep my focus on Him rather then the disappointment, discouragement, and hurt. I try to remind myself that the things I give up and do I do because I love them so much, and not because I expect anything in return. I just wish they would affirm now and then that they know that I love them, and that it means something to them, and that they love me too. I wish the fruits of our labor would show a little in their behavior, when right now we feel like total failures as parents.

So, I run to my Savior for strength and wisdom. I lift my children up to our Father even more then usual. I ride out the storm and rejoice that He is refining me and I praise Him in the storm.

Disney

2008-04-29T22:16:00.000-07:00

Has it been a month already? I need to get a life that moves slower! A month ago we were in Florida visiting the parks at this time. We had a great time. God's fingerprints were evident in this entire trip. I've shared how I felt like a disobedient child by not praying about our decision to take this trip, and stretching beyond our means. Yet he was so good to bless us with a wonderful vacation! Before we even left home, I was rummaging through some papers, and I found a $50 tucked in them! It was the strangest thing! Blessing #1

The flight was smooth and uneventful. It was J's first time flying, and he loved it! The girls bus made it safely to Florida. Traveling mercies were ours. Blessing #2

The weather was absolutely beautiful! 70s and 80s almost the whole time with brilliant sunshine to bask in! It didn't rain a drop until we got on the plane to go home. Blessing #3

The first morning there we went to get our Disney and Universal Studio passes. We ordered a 3 day pass to Disney and a 2 day pass to Universal and they upped them both to a 7 day pass for no additional charge. Blessing #4

Even though it was Spring break with lots of people, for some reason we kept getting in a line that promised to be a long wait, yet it would take 1/2 as long as expected! God was on our side! Blessing #5

I was so worried we would not get to see the girls very much, that they would be so busy with their friends and performing for the band. We met up with them several times at the parks and got to ride some of the rides with them. One night we were able to "kidnap" them and bring them back to our condo for awhile. Then on the last night there we got to eat dinner with K and her friends at the Bubba Gump Shrimp restaurant. I was thrilled to be able to spend so much time with my kids who were there with their class. Blessing #6

We love Univeral Studios the most. They had so many movie themed attractions. We were able to be in a movie and see how it is filmed and all comes together. We shot at aliens on the Men In Black ride and got chased by Jaws on the Jaws attraction. The ground beneath us shook like crazy as we took part in the Twister experience. We got to experience 4-D (smell and touch as well as 3-D images) shows like Bugs Life, Shrek, and Terminator. We saw the Little Mermaid show. We ate at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. and were quizzed on our Forrest Gump knowledge the whole evening. We rode the Mummy roller coaster and saw the Blues Brothers perform. It was so cool, and if we ever go back to Orlando, we will definitely do Universal Studios again!

I LOVED the Tower of Terror at Hollywood studios. You climb into an elevator when everything goes wrong and your elevator drops several stories and then goes back up and then drops again - several times. It was awesome!

At Animal Kingdom we went on an animal safari and saw real live animals walking about as we sat in our buses.

At Epcot we got to experience how it feels to take off in a Rocket and see the moon. We also walked through many different countries and got to take in their culture.

We would leave in the morning by 8 or 9 a.m. and not get home until 10 p.m. in the evening! It was A LOT of walking, A LOT to take in and see, and A LOT of good memories. Finally on Saturday I said to B to just go ahead without J and I because I needed some down time. So the 2 of us went down to the pool for a few hours, then back to our condo for lunch and a nap, and then B came back to get us at dinner time to head back to the park. He went and met up with K and got to spend some quality Father/daughter time with her.

If we changed one thing about our vacation it would be a little more down time sprinkled in with our running. I love to lounge by the pool and soak up the sun. Mental note to self.

So all in all we had a blast as a family. We enjoyed each other, enjoyed the parks, and enjoyed the weather. We have a God who loves us and has blessed us. Thank you Father above!!

P.S. I LOVE palm trees! The end.

Spring

2008-04-08T21:50:00.000-07:00

Spring is here. My flowers are poking their heads out from the earth. The dirty snow is nearly gone, and green grass is evident. Spring is a time of new beginnings. I feel the Lord working so much in my life lately - and calling me to so many changes in my life. I have a strong desire to get into shape and be healthy. I long to be a good steward with our finances. I want to be better equipped to share the gospel with those who don't know the Lord. I just feel like He has this awesome plan spread out and ready for me, and I'm so excited to be a part of it.

Thank you Father for working in my life. You are so good to me, right down to the smallest details of my life. I have been blessed and look forward to the blessings to come. I pray that I grow more like you each day Lord. Equip me and give me the strength to be a better steward, to have self control over my health, and to share your love with those who don't know you. It is my desire for you to work in and through my life. Thank you for who you've made me to be. Thank you for Spring and all of your creation. For new beginnings. For the chance to spend eternity with you. You are so good to me. Amen.

Just a short piece of my heart for tonight. Hope to blog about our vacation soon. It was awesome!

What's new

2008-03-22T09:12:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to update before we head out on vacation. I'm finding it harder and harder to get in here and journal, with all that life entails. Plus, I'm addicted to Myspace and Facebook - since I'm such a realtional person, I love to communicate that way.

These last few weeks have been a blur. Usually at least 2 nights a week are committed to the teens at church - whom I love dearly. They are my second family! The other nights are spent running errands such as shopping, kids activities, helping my mom, etc.

Lately we've been getting ready for our trip. We leave in 2 days for Florida to watch the girls play in band at Disney!! They will go down with the band, we will fly in and meet them. I'm soooo looking forward to getting away from winter and into the sun! Just when it was starting to feel like Spring around here, we got hit with a big snow storm yesterday. 15 inches in some areas! So much for an Easter egg hunt.

This trip has been a little bit stressful for us. For one, we didn't consult God before deciding to go. Big mistake. We should of prayed about it first, and that is the biggest lesson learned. It has been a little bit of a financial strain for us, and we will pay the consequences of it for awhile, but I feel that God will still bless us through it with an enjoyable time with our family, and some rest and relaxation!

So much goes into going on vacation. The kids outgrew most of their summer things, so we had to buy new. All of the toiletries and sunscreen and necessities. I was at the store 3 times last week, and we have to go again today. One night I was out until 11:30! There are the lists and and the confirmations, the forms for the girls, packing, making arrangements for the pets and the house. There has been so much going through my head these last few weeks. Sometimes I will just sit in a room and not be able to do anything, because I don't know where to start!

I'm excited to see Disney. I've never been there. I'm a little worried we won't have any down time - which is my idea of a vacation - but we'll have to make sure to squeeze in a day or two of lounging by the pool.

Other then that, we've been spending time with some missionary friends. They are from the Philippines. The 2 teens have been spending a lot of time at our house. B has been teaching my son J guitar. C has wrapped herself around my heart. I call her bug, cuz she is such a snuggle bug. Well they leave to visit other churches around the U.S. this weekend, so we had to say goodbye. It was tearful. I get so attached in my realtionships. Hopefully we were an encouragement to them. Perhaps some day our youth group will take a missions trip to the Phillipines to see them!

Speaking of missions trips, this July the teens are going to New Orleans. I've been praying about whether or not to go, but so far I haven't heard back from God. I feel very neutral about it at this point. K is going to go - she's excited. It won't cost me anything but an occasional restaurant on the way there and back (youth leaders don't have to pay). I would have to use a weeks vacation, and I would have to leave my guys home alone. I've never been on a missions trip though, and I hear they are life changing. So if you think of it, please pray about my decision.

Well I can't end without notice to the holiday weekend. Good Friday has passed and Easter is here. This holiday is always bitter sweet for me. I think about the pain that Christ suffered on the cross, and it hurts my heart. But I rejoice that He rose from the dead, and I get to spend eternity with Him! I really do look forward to eternity. I can't wait.

Tonight we will watch The Passion again as a family. We try to do it every Easter now. I usually sob, but that's par for the course. Tomorrow we will have church, but no real celebration after, as the girls leave for Florida at 5, and we have to prepare for our flight on Monday. I plan to make a cheesy potato/ham casserole. Something quick and easy. I'll have to think of a dessert too.

On that note I'm going to wrap up. Wishing each of you a blessed Easter! He is risen!!

18 years

2008-03-08T20:30:00.000-08:00

Monday (3/10) is our wedding anniversary. 18 years already! We met when we were 15 and 16, so we've been together longer then we haven't. It's scary how fast time goes. I still remember every year of our marriage and our courtship. I think about our first dance, our first kiss, all of the stupid things we did as teenagers. I remember our first apartment and the many to come after that. The pets that we had, the friends that we made. The jobs that we've had. A lot happens in 22 years. Some may think that ours is a marriage that doesn't fit. I know within my soul that it was a marriage designed by God. The love I have for my husband can only come from up above. Though I don't always agree with his actions or words, I always have an indescribable love for this man. I wait patiently for his spirtual growth. He loves the Lord, and for that I am thankful and blessed. My desire is to see him grow and mature in the Lord. This is where the patience comes in. I mean no derespect in sharing this with you. If anything, it is to show how I believe the Lord has a plan and is doing a work in him. Though I don't recommend a marriage that is unequally yoked, I married an unbeliever. I prayed for him for years, believing that the Lord would get his attention, and he did. About 5 years or so after our marriage, he became a believer! It is with that same faith that I believe the Lord will grab hold of his heart and set it on fire for Him. God knew we would be married. He planned it perfectly. Tonight was a sweet reminder that God affirms our marriage. Our "song" is Forever by Kenny Loggins. Not a very common song, one we rarely heard in the 80s. While we were out to dinner tonight, it was playing in the restaurant! It was awesome! I'm so thankful for a husband who loves and provides for us and our family. God is good!