As Yet Untitled

On Hiatus

2008-10-03T07:27:00.001-04:00

I'm taking a bit of a leave of absence from the blog, while I work on some other projects.

Namely:

I'll still be writing my regular column over at Literary Mama, and I'll be posting Mama, PhD events and other writing-related news on my website. Just taking a break from the blog.

I have six different Mama, PhD events scheduled for the month of October, and I'm in the process of scheduling November, so hopefully I'll get the chance to see some of you there!

A Bedtime Story

2008-10-02T07:17:00.000-04:00

So my daughter has been falling asleep to the same story, every night now for longer than I can remember. (This is the story that comes after the reading of books and the nursing of baby brother and the standing on of heads, etc.)

It started as a retelling of some duck book -- Little Duck Lost? The Fuzzy Little Duckling? Little Quack's Hide-and-Seek? -- there are so many books about lost ducks, it's hard to keep them all straight. And then the story kind of merged, to have elements of each.

And then it took on a life of its own.

I'm not saying this is great writing -- much of the details have been added by my daughter, which is not to say that she's not a great writer, only that she's three -- but it's become a family tradition. It evolved to a point where she was apparently satisfied with it, and there it has stayed.

I know this story like I know the Nicene Creed at this point, and at night I close my eyes and listen to the rhythm of the words while my daughter, in true liturgical fashion, calls out her responses. It's no creed, our little duck story -- for one, it lacks the beauty of the language, and, well, the whole theological underpinning -- but nevertheless, here it is:

The Story of the Mama Duck and the Baby Duck

Once upon a time, there was a mama duck and a baby duck. And one day, they decided to play hide-and-seek. So the mama duck said you hide, and I'll try to find you. And she covered her eyes and counted one...two...three...four...five! Ready or not, here I come! And she swam off to look for her little baby duck.

She swam and she swam through the reeds and the tall grasses that grew alongside of the pond, and as she swam she called out: "Baby duck! Baby duck! Where oh where is my little baby duck?" But there was no answer. So the mama duck swam on.

She swam and she swam until she came to where some frogs were resting on their lily pads, eating some grapes.

"Little frogs! Little frogs!" called the mama duck. "Have you seen my little baby duck?"

And the frogs said, "Ribbit, ribbit. No! We have not seen your little baby duck. Would you care for a grape?"

"Oh, no thank you," said the mama duck. "I am looking for my little baby duck."

"Perhaps you should ask the fish," said the frogs.

"Thank you," said the mama duck. "I will try that."

And so she swam off, looking for her little baby duck.

She swam and she swam until she came to where the fish were leaping and darting through the water, eating some blueberries.

"Little fish! Little fish!" called the mama duck. "Have you seen my little baby duck?"

And the fish said, "Splash, splash. No! We have not seen your little baby duck. Would you care for a blueberry?"

"Oh, no thank you," said the mama duck. "I am looking for my little baby duck."

"Perhaps you should ask the birds," said the fish.

"Thank you," said the mama duck. "I will try that."

And so she swam off, looking for her little baby duck.

She swam and she swam until she came to where the birds were nesting in the trees, eating some apples, and some oranges.

"Little birds! Little birds!" called the mama duck. "Have you seen my little baby duck?"

And the birds said, "Tweet, tweet. No! We have not seen your little baby duck. Would you care for an apple, or perhaps a slice of orange?"

"Oh, no thank you," said the mama duck. "I am looking for my little baby duck."

And she swam off, looking for her little baby duck.

She swam and she swam until she made it all the way back home to her nest. And she swam up to her nest, and she peeked inside, and...what do you think she saw?

It was her little baby duck, eating some toast!

And the mama duck scooped the baby duck up and said "Oh, my little baby duck! I am so happy I found you!"

And the baby duck said "Quack!"

And the mama duck said "Oh, my little baby duck! I love you so much!"

And the baby duck said "Quack!"

So the mama duck and the baby duck cuddled up together and had some toast. And then they snuggled in tight, and went to sleep.

The end.

(I found the baby duckling picture here, isn't it cute?)

Guest Blogging for Cindy Green

2008-10-01T11:09:00.003-04:00

Caroline and I are guest blogging today for romance writer Cindy Green, on the topic of Mama, PhD and book publicity. Here's an excerpt:

"So you’ve written the book. You’ve gotten an offer, you’ve signed the contract, you’ve edited yourself cross-eyed. Now all you have to do is wait for publication day.

While you’re waiting, this is the perfect time to start thinking about publicity—the bridge that will span the gap between you and your readers, the tool that will bring your book to your buyers. Here are some tips to get you started:

1. Create a website for your book, whether you buy a new domain specifically for the book, or simply make a dedicated page on your author website. (What? You don’t have an author website? Stop reading this, and go make one. Now!)"

Click here to read the rest!

MomCentral Spot Shot Blog Tour

2008-09-30T07:03:00.000-04:00

There's nothing like getting a package in the mail, is there? My children get all excited, dropping whatever they're doing and running to the door, and then there are the cries of "Open it! Open it, mama!" (And, on the occasions I have trouble opening said package fast enough, "Get a knife! A big knife!")

You gotta wonder what our neighbors think about us.

Anyway, so the other day we got a package and after all the bouncing and squealing and yelling for knives, I finally got it open and realized it was a bottle of Spot Shot from MomCentral, since I'd signed up to do the tour. Cool, I thought, and pulled it out.

But the box wasn't empty. Reaching inside, I also pulled out -- is this a carpet square? Paintbrushes? A little bottle marked "chocolate"? What on earth....

So I read the directions, also enclosed. The chocolate, the paintbrush, and the square of carpet were there for me to create my own stain, so I could observe how well Spot Shot cleans them up.

You have got to be kidding me. I live in a house with two preschoolers and two cats. And a husband, for that matter. Stains? I got yer stains right here.

I didn't paint the carpet square with the chocolate (I gave the paintbrushes to my children, and threw the chocolate away after, disappointingly, I noticed that it was marked "Not for Consumption"). So I can't vouch for how well Spot Shot works on non-consumable chocolate -- but for real stains? On a real carpet? Works like a charm.

(Just one note to the folks at WD-40: the next time you want to send me some chocolate to create a stain? Make it consumable chocolate. Better yet, make it Godiva.)

Happy Birthday, Baby!

2008-09-28T21:09:00.004-04:00

My little boy is two years old today -- and so far, so good with the "terrible twos" thing. Then again, we've been at this less than 24 hours.

I love two-year-olds, actually -- it's so fun to see them at this stage, really starting to come into their own, with so many glimpses of the little people they're becoming. My own little guy is just so yummy (ask him -- he'll tell you: "I'm so nummy!") that if I had the power, I would almost want to press pause and just hold him here for a little bit. But if this parenting gig has taught me anything, it's that -- so far -- the best is always yet to come. It just keeps getting better.

And I can't wait to see where the future is going to take you, baby. Happy birthday!

Book List

2008-09-19T07:57:00.001-04:00

It's been a while since I've done a book list, so I thought that might be kind of fun.

Every night, my husband reads to my daughter while I nurse my son. It sounds all lovely and idyllic, and sometimes it is, but other times it's "Read this book first!" "No dis buk fust!" "No this book!" and etc., and then it's fighting over who sits where and next to whom, and then insisting on nursing and being able to see the pictures at the same time, and on and on and on.

Anyway. It's idyllic some of the time.

When my husband finishes reading, he drops the book on the floor next to the bed before there can be any other requests, and I quick snap off the light. And there the books lay, (I thought it was "lie" but my husband says "lay," and he's usually right about these sorts of things) until I pick them up. It's amazing how fast they amass.

Here, from the past -- week? maybe a smidge more? -- a list of the books lying -- laying? -- next to the bed:

Dump Truck
Hello Kitty Hello Shapes
Winnie-the-Pooh Opposites (I couldn't find the link for this exact one, out of all the books with the exact same name!)
First Tomato
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
Joshua by the Sea
Maisy's Morning on the Farm
Little Cricket's Song
Dinosaurs Galore!
The Cat in the Hat
Curious George and the Birthday Surprise
Pooh's First Clock
The Tale of Peter Rabbit
Buy Some Mung Beans, Mama! (This is entirely in Chinese, and that's the only link I could find -- we kind of make it up based on the pictures)
Isabella Abnormella and the Very, Very Finicky Queen of Trouble (autographed)
Olivia
Curious George Goes to a Costume Party
Baa Baa Black Sheep (I have strong feelings about this book upon which I will not enumerate -- suffice it to say, my children do not share my feelings, and so we read it often)
Stranger in the Woods
A World of Wonders: Geographic Travels in Verse and Rhyme
Curious George in the Snow
The Itsy Bitsy Spider (ibid on my note for Baa Baa Black Sheep)
Meet Biscuit
Maisy's Big Flap Book

And then, we (meaning I) picked them all up and put them away! Goodnight children, everywhere.

MomCentral Ringling Brothers Blog Tour

2008-09-17T20:10:00.006-04:00

Remember my birthday? The one I spent lying on the couch drinking pedialyte, while my whole entire family went to the circus -- my erstwhile birthday present -- without me?

Yeah. Well.

It's been months, and my children are still talking about the circus: Remember when we went to the circus? With grandma and grandpa and daddy? Remember when we went to the circus with grandma and grandpa and daddy? And...and then a pause, a confused look. Where were you? they seem to be asking.

I was lying on the couch, drinking pedialyte, I say.

It happens.

MomCentral is doing a blog tour for Ringling Brothers right now, and participating bloggers get to receive a souvenir brochure, a souvenir DVD, and a whole bunch of bright red clown noses. Sign me up! I said. And actually, I already have the souvenir brochure. And the souvenir DVD. Because my family brought them back to me, after they went to the circus. Without me. While I spent the day lying on the couch drinking pedialyte. (We keep coming back to that, somehow.)

Our circus package arrived in the mail, and the children tore into it. The circus, mama! The circus! Remember when we went to the circus? With grandma and grandpa and daddy? Remember when we went to the circus with grandma and grandpa and daddy? And...and then the pause, the confused look. Where were you?

I won't say it again, we all know where I was by this time.

So we looked at the brochure and watched the DVD and played with the clown noses -- which took me forever to figure out how to work, and you wouldn't think they'd be that hard, right? I mean, come on: plastic clown noses. This doesn't exactly require a graduate degree. Yet, graduate degree notwithstanding, I couldn't figure them out. But eventually I did. And all were happy.

I have to say, as someone who didn't get to go to the circus, the DVD is a lot of fun. And the part about the circus train, where performers and animals actually live -- fascinating. I could have watched the train segment several times over, it was that interesting, were it not for the chorus of little voices in the background: The circus! Remember when we went to the circus? With grandma and grandpa and daddy? Remember when we went to the circus with grandma and grandpa and daddy? And.... Where were you?

Just can't get away from it.

Ringling Brothers is most likely coming to a town near you -- on the cool train -- and if, unlike me, you're lucky enough to decide to go and not coming down with the barfing bug, I have a 20% off discount code you can use! Actually, you can use the code regardless of whether or not you come down with the barfing bug, so I suppose that's neither here nor there.

The tour schedule is:

Indianapolis, IN - Sept. 4-7, 2008
Kansas City, MO - Sept. 10-14, 2008
Grand Rapids, MI - Sept. 18-21, 2008
Denver, CO - Oct. 2-13, 2008
Boston, MA – Oct. 8-13, 2008
Cleveland, OH - Oct. 24 - Nov. 2
Chicago, IL - Nov. 6 - 30, 2008
St. Louis, MO - Nov. 6-9, 2008
Auburn Hills, MI - Nov. 12 - 16, 2008
Highland Heights, KY - Feb 27 - Mar. 1, 2009
Cincinnati, OH - Mar. 4 - 8, 2008

And the code is MCC, redeemable online. Have fun!

MomCentral Noodleboro Blog Tour

2008-09-15T19:53:00.006-04:00

We like board games around here. My husband proposed to me over a game of Scrabble, my daughter is now quite the aficionado of games like Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, and of course, Candy Land.

So when MomCentral sent out a call for bloggers to review Hasboro's latest line of games intended to help teach preschoolers manners, I signed right up.

Our Noodleboro game, the Learning about Manners Picnic Basket Game, arrived on a not-so-good day. You know, the kind when everyone (including me) is crying "When is Daddy going to be home?" and it's only 8:00 in the morning. So when the package from MomCentral arrived in the mail, we ripped it open right away.

I didn't attempt the game -- board games with my son "helping" aren't any fun for my daughter or for me, or for him, actually -- but the Noodleboro games also come with a storybook and a CD. So we opened the book, and popped in the CD.

I had mixed feelings about the book and the CD, but not my daughter. She loved them. She memorized them. She became particularly attached to the "bad guys" in the story, and their catchy, bad-guy song.

Hasboro would do well to take a page out of Big Idea's book with the debacle of The Bunny Song.

Suffice it to say my husband got home that night to be greeted by a little girl flying at him yelling, "That's mine! Give it back! Gimmie gimmie gimmie gimmie gimmie!"

"To what do I owe this wonderful display of good manners?" my husband asked.

"To the new game we got today," I said. "The one that was supposed to teach manners."

"Gimmie gimmie gimmie!" yelled my daughter.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

The game itself, once we got to play, was fun -- although I wasn't sure the "teaching manners" part was all that brilliantly executed. It basically consists of making players say "please" and "thank you" as they take their turns, and really, couldn't you do that with any game? Beyond that, though, it's a matching game, which my daughter loves, and it has a really cool plastic picnic basket that you can either use to play the game, or keep out for various other picnic-type play, as my daughter chose to do.

The end result? She loves Noodleboro. She's read the book and listened to the CD so many times my son has it memorized, and we play Noodleboro just about every day. She's even appended the bad-guy song, sung to Freres-Jacques, to the grace she sings at every meal to the same tune. This is how it goes:

Thank you Jesus
Thank you Jesus
For this food
For this food
You are very good to me
You are very good to me
Thank you, God
Thank you, God

and then, much, much louder

Crabby grabby!
Crabby grabby!
Give me some!
That's my crumb!
Ants don't ever ask nice
They just grab the biggest slice
Give me that!
Give me that!

And at the end of all of this, she adds a rousing "Amen!" which my son then echoes.

I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

But for better or for worse, I have visited Noodleboro upon our family. I'm not sure about its ability to help out in the manners department, but for sheer entertainment value, it's a definite win.

Mom Central is raffling off 200 Noodleboro games; sign up through the link below to enter to win! http://www.zoomerang.com/Survey/?p=WEB2285CWRZFAU

Something to Read

2008-09-06T16:27:00.002-04:00

My good friend Tara Koup has a piece in the current issue of Metrokids that's both funny and poignant. Check out A Jealous Mom's Confession!

(And the mom in the piece with the almost-four-year-old who still naps? Yep, that would be me...although sadly it's not for lack of sugar, or because we listen to lots of classical music!)

For Your Own Good

2008-09-05T19:25:00.002-04:00

My daughter has discovered the joys of books on tape -- or CDs -- specifically, the read-along sort where you can follow along in a book while you listen to the story. So when I saw the Curious George Complete Adventures anthology and CD set, I had to get it for her. I couldn't even wait until her birthday.

We are still pretty much obsessed with George around here, (I think at last count we had 21 George books? And all of the PBS Curious George DVDs?) but most of our George consumption has been of the new George (in all his various incarnations -- it's fun to see how George changes through time). So I was a little hesitant about introducing her to George, the original. The pipe-smoking doesn't bother me, even though I know it gets a lot of other people upset -- but the man with the yellow hat isn't quite so friendly in the opening book what with basically kidnapping George and all, and there's the bit with calling the fire department, and oh yeah did I mention George goes to prison? "We will have to shut you up," George is told, "where you can't do any more harm."

My daughter, however, doesn't seem all that upset by the book. On the contrary. The other morning, as my son was tumbling through the day leaving the usual tide of destruction in his wake, I suddenly saw her with her hand on his arm, gently but firmly marching him into her room.

"Little buddy," she said firmly but not unkindly. "I will have to shut you up where you can't do any more harm."

And it was so hard not to laugh, because sometimes, you know, I feel the exact same way. And he was marching along with this big old smile on his face, all sure, whatever, big sister! Happily trotting off to be shut up in her room.

I rescued him, of course, and my daughter and I had a little chat, and all's well that ends well, I guess, until she tries to call the fire department.

Mama, PhD MotherTalk Blog Tour, The Wrap-Up

2008-09-04T19:07:00.021-04:00

I've got a bunch of links to post here, so bear with me! Thank you all so much to everyone who participated, commented, or otherwise played along at home -- I loved getting to read your thoughts about the book.

First up, Black Belt Mama gave Mama, PhD a black belt! I'm as excited as if I, myself, actually suddenly possessed advanced martial arts prowess. In addition to the black belt, Black Belt Mama writes:

"My story is not unusual. In Mama PhD: Women Write about Motherhood and Academic Life, I read essay after essay of similar experiences and feelings toward the wonderful world of higher education. In this collection of essays, women explore their role in educational institutions and their role as mothers. Overwhelmingly, the two don't seem to mix. Many of these writers have made it work, but it hasn't been easy. Others put their career first and got tenure, but have to give up the dream of having children. Most comment that the way colleges and universities are set up, as patriarchies, there is no room for women pursuing children, just women pursuing tenure. Scholarship. publications, and teaching duties are the only measurement for success."

21st Centuty Mom says:

"I sort of skipped around in the book both reveling in and mourning the experiences of the almost 40 well educated, articulate, very intelligent women who contributed essays. To a woman they do what we all do - they prioritize their lives, splitting their time between work, family and self and finding the best possible ways to leverage the places where they intersect."

Crunchy Granola says:

"The collection is a smart, funny-sad-crazy making-amazing-wonderful set of pieces that had me nodding as I read. The authors come from a variety of fields, and a range of institutions. This collection is well-worth reading for anyone considering an academic career, and also for any administrator mentoring faculty."

Tales from the Diaper Pail writes:

"The perspectives presented in this book once again unearth a theme that is salient in pieces written by mothers who work outside the home– the pull between worlds and the pressure to, as one writer expressed, 'perform childlessness.' The stories often draw from humor, sometimes dark, to highlight themes of loss and triumph through various stages of the academic path. Several themes resurface - the mind-body schism that seems even more poignant in an academic career as well as the feeling of 'never enoughness'. The stories are well-written and at times, heartbreaking...Although these pieces are particularly relevant to mothers pursuing or in academic professions, I found themes through the book that were pertinent to women in all professions, where the pull to 'perform childlessness' is quite real. "

Third Culture Mama says:

"We, professors included, never discussed motherhod beyond our right to be defined as more than just mothers or potential mothers, to be defined beyond the family unit. Of course I didn’t notice any of the latter until I got pregnant. Mama, PhD hit so close to home."

Mama(e) in Translation writes:

"And now comes the really hard question: how can I simply review a book in which I could have been published, but wasn't? So, there is only one thing to do, and I hope you (or the folks at Mother Talk who selected me as a reviewer) don't mind -- I just have to share my contribution. Here, and now, since I was unable to post it on the day of my dissertation defense the way I had dreamed about."

(And might I add: her post is beautiful and well worth reading, beyond the review. Go on, go read!)

Review Planet says:

"I'm in love with the new book Mama, Ph.D. It’s a collection of stories from academic mamas who lay bare their souls about the hard times, the good parts, the special challenges (pumping in a maintenance closet — and then the dean walks in!), and why it’s all worthwhile. I think it’s also a good casebook of the situation today in many departments, and I hope that it will be used by someone or somegroup to start making changes. I hope."

Writing in the Mountains says:

"Mama Ph.D. features essays by an amazing set of women, mothers and academics exploring blending family life with the academic in different personal situations, but with generally the same outcome. The academic is not particularly accommodating to mothers in general and mothers with young children in specific. In reading this book, it is painfully clear that something needs to be done to close the inequality gap and open up opportunities for fair pay, support in childcare and plain respect."

Everyday Stranger writes:

"Mama Ph.D., is a collection of stories by women who had children while in graduate school or while studying for their doctorate. It was well-written and engaging, and more than once I wanted to raise my fist in the air and shout "I know where you are!" (I wanted to say "Amen, sister", but am aware of the idiocy in further contributing to stereotypes. Still, first thoughts and all that.) "

And finally, Viva La Feminista wraps it up with this:

"That said, most of the essays are hopeful. Mama PhDs who thought that the flexible schedule of an academic would make motherhood easier than for someone with a 9-5 job but soon realized that the pressure to write a book and change diapers was far different. Mama PhDs who worried endlessly that the time they spent away from their children and the travel required made them bad mamas only to have their children tell them otherwise. Mama PhD is heart wrenching and heartwarming at the same time. It shows how far we have to go as a society to truly value families and the contributions of working moms."

Two Pictures

2008-09-02T19:58:00.005-04:00

I've been away from all the MotherTalk Mama, PhD blogging for a bit, because we've been traveling. Rather than tell the story of our trip in words, here are two pictures:

My son's shirt, the morning of our first travel day:

My son's shirt, that evening:

Any questions?!

Mama, PhD MotherTalk Blog Tour, Day 9

2008-08-26T18:43:00.004-04:00

Two more reviews!

First, from Fictionary (whose post is titled "Mama, PhD...no womb at the university?" -- isn't that awesome?):

"This book is a must-have for any woman who intends to pursue motherhood and academics. In truth, it should be required reading IN the universities for everyone–male and female–in education.

My first child, my son, is now 31, with two daughters of his own, and I still remember arriving at school in the mornings looking like a raccoon, mascara puddling on my eyelids, the wet sorrow of peeling myself away from him.

This book is one I’m ordering copies of for my own daughters, not because they’re mommy/academics, but because the stories of the struggles are honest and funny. They’re written by women who know that sometimes the solution is equally problematic, but who recognize that balance is a goal…not a given."

And then from They Grow in Your Heart:

"This book gave me a great deal of encouragement because so many other women have decided to forgo teaching full time - like I have. And there was a continuing theme that it’s okay if motherhood takes over the academic side of your life. OR if you decide to pursue your career. But, at the same time, it’s sad. It’s sad for our students and for our schools that so many women feel forced to choose between having a family and being an educator.

Mama PhD is a great read for anyone in academia considering motherhood, any moms in academia looking for a better way, and for all administration in schools everywhere. Actually, maybe it should be required reading for administrators!"

And for a brief detour from all things Mama, PhD related (I had to get that link in there somewhere!) my latest column is now up on Literary Mama:

"Baptism. It seems like just a moment ago we were driving to church on the first Sunday after Epiphany to celebrate the Baptism of our Lord and to baptize our baby daughter. Yet here we are, driving to church once again for the Baptism of our Lord, and this time, to baptize our son. It's been two years. Two years in that Mobius strip of time with small children that feels like forever and only a day."

Click here to read the rest of Christ's Own Forever.

Mama, PhD MotherTalk Blog Tour, Day 7

2008-08-24T20:06:00.006-04:00

Today we have one more MotherTalk review for Mama, PhD, followed by a review from On Campus with Women!

First up, Literary Mama's own Susan Ito, on her blog ReadingWritingLiving, writes:

"The writing in this book is alive, often very humorous, often fraught. The quality of these narratives is uniformly excellent. It’s creative nonfiction at its best: true stories that often read like fiction, with compelling narratives, and characters for whom much is at stake...Truly, every piece in this collection is strong, provocative and gives much food for thought. I’ve been turning these womens’ stories over and over in my head for weeks, having silent debates with them and myself, and I suspect the conversation is going to go on for a long time."

And from On Campus with Women:

"Unlike similar studies that focus primarily on mothers who have “made it”--i.e., those who have remained in the professoriate--Mama, PhD provides a balanced perspective from mothers who have opted to pursue other career options, from part-time contingent positions to non-academic writing. Celebratory but realistic, these essays illustrate the multitude of choices available (and still unavailable) to women and the great rewards (and considerable pitfalls) of fitting motherhood into the academic mold. In offering concrete suggestions to improve institutional support for women with children, the anthology connects personal experience to systemic change and gestures toward academe’s potential to provide truly family-friendly workplaces. Its stories will be of interest to young scholars contemplating motherhood, to current parents who feel isolated by expectations that they “perform childlessness,” and to anyone wondering how mothers are faring within the academy."

And there's more good stuff from both reviews, so check them out!

Mama, PhD MotherTalk Blog Tour, Day 4

2008-08-21T20:45:00.005-04:00

Two more Mama, PhD reviews came in today on the MotherTalk blog tour...one reviewer enjoyed the book, the other, not so much.

First up, from Life in the Hundred-Acre Wood:

"I was shocked (and a bit horrified) to read about such a thick glass ceiling. Actually, it's more like a glass floor. Because in many cases, these mother-scholars are prevented from even raising their feet off the ground. Though the anthology paints an honest yet bleak picture of academia, it is not all gloom and doom. Some women do find ways to make it work (though a few had partners able to share equally in the child care). Others, such as the single mothers, are down right heroic in their abilities to balance their work hours with raising a family. But the essays that tugged at me most, were the ones where the unrelenting demands of academia had permanently derailed these brilliant and talented mothers from attaining the holy grail -- a tenured position at a major research university. These pieces were an unpleasant reminder of the number of brain cells lost to society when we don't accommodate parents."

For Here We Go Again, Mama, PhD just wasn't her cup of tea:

"In general, I didn't hate this book. I didn't like it much either. I wouldn't have bought it for myself. In my opinion, it wasn't really a book for pleasure reading, which is all I do now. However, if you want to write a scholarly paper on women in academia, cite away. This would be a great research tool or a great read if you were considering either becoming a professor or a graduate student and wanted to know how it worked with motherhood. But for casual reading, try Anne of Green Gables."

Which just goes to show, it takes all sorts. I love Anne of Green Gables. And Mama, PhD!

Mama, PhD MotherTalk Blog Tour, Day 3

2008-08-20T20:48:00.004-04:00

Today we have reviews from three more bloggers!

First up is Peter's Cross Station, who says:

"But it's not all about the choice between dropping out or suffering, Mama PhD also tells more than one tale of a mother at the end of her rope who was thrown a fresh one by an enlightened advisor, mentor or department chair. There are a few corners of academe that have put all the feminist theory of the past thirty years into some kind of practice and support actual women (and their children). There are small institutions that place a community value on families and children and the well-rounded well being of professors."

Next, Wavybrains says:

"Get out the highlighter. I wanted to leap through the book and give [one of the contributors] a giant hug, while offering to be her BFF and start a super-secret Ya-Ya club for women with advanced degrees who ended up 45 degrees west of their intended landing zone. And who were still happy. Because the happy part resonates just as loudly as the guilt part throughout Mama PhD."

And finally for today, PCOS Baby says:

"I wonder if I would have even tried to have a child while in graduate school if I’d read this book. Whether I would have or not, I certainly would have been more prepared for what to expect. I went from the 'Golden Grad Student' in my lab, because of my input and productivity, to 'just a mom' because I’d given birth. It was a harsh realization. Having read this book, it seems that what I experienced is pretty much the standard. There is clearly a need for change within the academy, but it doesn’t seem high on the list of priorities for research universities. Talented, highly educated women are moving away from this career choice because it punishes us for wanting to have a family. And that's simply wrong."

I'll be back with more reviews tomorrow!

Mama, PhD MotherTalk Blog Tour, Day 2

2008-08-19T19:19:00.003-04:00

Today's review comes courtesy of Compost Happens:

"I hope that Mama, PhD will spread the word through the bastions of higher education: policies that marginalize women also marginalize our children, our future, and our present. The glass ceiling is cracking in the business world; the marble ceiling has shattered, but gender equity hasn't cracked the ivory tower yet."

Click here to read the rest!

Mama, PhD MotherTalk Blog Tour

2008-08-18T20:12:00.005-04:00

I'm beyond excited to announce the MotherTalk blog tour for Mama, PhD, which kicked off today with blue milk posting the first review:

"Mama PhD is not just a shoulder to cry on for readers grappling with what they may have thought were unique troubles in juggling academia and motherhood, it is also a call to arms for women and men in academia to make change happen, to make academia a place consistent with the lives of both men and women. Evans and Grant, the editors of the book, understand that there is a power in speaking out, that when women hear many other women are struggling in exactly the same fashion we suddenly see our experiences not as personal incompetence but as a larger injustice."

Yes! Exactly! I couldn't have said it better myself, really. Even if I wrote a whole book.

Stay tuned, as twenty bloggers in total will be telling the world what they thought of the collection. You can also see updates here on the MotherTalk site.

Yay!

New this week at Literary Mama

2008-08-17T21:07:00.003-04:00

Three new columns are up over on Literary Mama this week, good stuff as always.

In Faces of Motherhood, Kenna Lee-Ribas teaches a fascinating Biology Lesson. Amy Mercer worries about her children's Inheritance in Chronic Mama, and 12-Step Mama takes the last step in Step 12: Awakened by a Child.

Enjoy!

Children Learn what they Live

2008-08-12T09:18:00.003-04:00

1. The other night I was getting my son ready for bed, and buttoning up his pajama top while he desperately attempted to wiggle free. Trying to distract him, I started saying a word for every button I buttoned. It went something like this:

Me: "I..." (button) "love..." (button)

My son: "Meeeee!"

Exactly.

2. Yesterday morning I finished putting in my contact lenses and turned to see both of my children standing a stone's throw away, holding a contact case each, and solemnly sticking their fingers in their eyes.

My daughter: "We're putting in our con-texts."

My son: "Con-texts."

And there they stood, very serious, blinking at me and stabbing themselves repeatedly in the eyes.

The good, the bad....

All Sorts of Joy

2008-08-09T20:25:00.003-04:00

Yesterday my daughter pulled The Joy of Cooking off of the shelf, and proceeded to try and read the cover.

"The joy of," she reads out, all words that she knows. Then a pause.

"C, C" she says, making the hard "c" sound. Then, "O, O." She stopped, running her finger down the word "cooking." It's a pretty long word, and I could tell that was probably what she was thinking, too.

Often, when she doesn't know a word and/or it's too long for her to sound out, she'll just guess -- which I think is a pretty good strategy. So she's bent over the book, brow furrowed, going "The joy of...the joy of...the joy of...."

"Kids!" She finally yells out. "Two kids! The joy of two kids!!"

And she was so pleased with herself, I almost couldn't bear to tell her the word was "cooking." I did, though -- I told her that the book is actually called The Joy of Cooking, but in my world? She's right. The joy is two kids.

MotherTalk Book Tour: The Dangerous Days of Daniel X

2008-08-06T17:41:00.007-04:00

When I was a grad student studying children's literature, conversations abounded on the differences between the reading habits of boys and girls. Girls are more likely to read, I was told, and boys, when they do read, tend to prefer nonfiction over fiction. These statements in turn led to more conversations: why do girls seem to like to read, and boys don't? Why do girls read fiction and boys nonfiction? Why aren't there more books -- fiction and nonfiction alike -- marketed to young boys? Should we encourage boys to read more fiction? Is there some inherent worth in fiction? What, even, is the inherent worth in reading?

Good, good stuff. I could talk about reading and gender -- two favorite topics, really -- until kingdom come, and probably not run out of things to say. I was also dating someone at the time, coincidentally, and subjected him to my rehashed versions of all these conversations, asking him, as we talked, what his experiences had been with reading as a child.

He read the encyclopedia, I found out. (No big surprise there, that's the kind of guy he was.) He hated being read to in school because "they were always dumb books about prairies." But did you read Farmer Boy? I asked, slightly outraged at the diss on the Little House books. He hadn't. He hated the summer reading program at the library -- I nearly needed my smelling salts after that revelation -- because of more of the same: the books were all dumb, and apparently he didn't get credit for reading the encyclopedia. And -- this was the ultimate punch in the gut -- he read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, but none of the rest of The Chronicles of Narnia, because he "didn't think the first book was all that interesting."

And yet, somehow, I married this guy.

So when I signed up to review The Dangerous Days of Daniel X by James Patterson and Michael Ledwidge, touted as "a vaccine for the 'boys don't like reading' epidemic," I did so with thoughts of all those conversations in grad school and then subsequently with my to-be husband. And when it became evident on page 4 that this clearly wasn't going to be my kind of book -- "fast-breeding creeps with burnt-looking metallic faces and deer horns bristling above hornet noses and stingers...very nasty sluglike things with jowls like water balloons about to burst...a host of human-skeletonish freaks with tentacle hair and green multifaceted fly eyes; some white chocolate-colored cretins that look like giant human babies, only with glowing television fuzz for their eyes and mouths; and a praying mantis-looking race with shrunken heads, long red dreadlocks, and a pathetic need to kill" -- I called in my backup, and handed the book to my husband.

"Read this," I said. "Give me the guy's perspective. Tell me if you would have liked it when you were a kid." He made the tiniest bit of a fuss, which I quickly quelled by reminding him that he just read Myrtle of Willendorf all of his own volition, and I can't even think of a book less targeted toward guys. "But I like archeology," he protested. "Read," I responded, handing him Daniel X. And he did.

The verdict? "Better than the prairie stories, definitely."

Would he have read it as a kid? "Maybe."

Better than the encyclopedia -- or at least a viable alternative? "No way."

Maybe there's something to this nonfiction thing after all....

New at Literary Mama

2008-08-05T18:43:00.004-04:00

There's some lovely new reading material up on Literary Mama this week.

In Multi-Culti Mami's Sound and Music, Violeta Garcia Mendoza writes about singing to her children. Vivian Morrow Jones reflects on her mother and on Emily Dickinson in An Inheritance from My Mother: Emily Dickinson, and Sarah Byck, Cheryl Dumensil, and Meg Pokrass write poetry on everything from chess camp to Mr. Potato Head.

Wonderful reading for a hot August day...enjoy!

Whoops

2008-07-31T19:45:00.002-04:00

I woke up in the middle of the night last night with that panicky feeling of having forgotten something, something important. So I'm lying there trying to remember what it was I forgot -- locked the front door? turned off all the lights? But my brain is going no, bigger. Forgot to put the wash in the dryer? Yes, actually, but that wasn't it.

A deadline? A birthday? What did I forget? I couldn't think of anything. A meeting? A playdate? No, and no. A holiday, my brain finally suggests -- like maybe I forgot Christmas? Another important date?

That's it! I almost yelled out loud, which would have woken my husband up, but then again, he's used to it. The release date for Mama, PhD!

How on earth could you forget the publication date of your own book, I'm sure you're wondering, but the truth is the book's been available for so long now that I kind of...well...forgot. Still, I thought the official release date should be commemorated in some way, right?

So I guess that was my own little commemoration: I forgot all about it. Oh, well. I'll make up for it I'm sure.

Mama, PhD! Read the book! Visit the blog! Watch the trailer! Join the conversation!!

And quick, before I forget what it was I was talking about.

Much to Blog About, Much to Read

2008-07-28T19:50:00.008-04:00

When it rains, it pours.

First off, my newest column, The Church Without Walls, is up now on Literary Mama. Here's an excerpt:

"As I nurse my son, I think about women as priests, as deacons, and I think about women who lay no claim to such titles, but whose lives show forth the same devotion. Women who gladly give of themselves in the service of others. For the past few weeks I haven't needed to venture outside of my house to find a community of people to care for me; women have brought the Body of Christ to me."

Second, I just got word that Mama, PhD was recently reviewed by Author Magazine. Here's a taste of the review:

"You would imagine that a university teaching position would be the perfect job for a new mother to have. After all, professors really only “work” (lecture) a few hours a week, and aren’t all colleges at the forefront of progressivism with flextime, health insurance, and maybe even lactation stations? This collection of three dozen short essays (ending in a couple of “Momifestos”) paints an entirely different picture: one in which academe has yet to fully adjust to having women present at all, let alone those with interests and responsibilities outside the ivory tower."

And last but not least, Caroline and I are guest blogging today for The Debutante Ball, about our experiences co-editing Mama, PhD. Check it out:

"Meet over email. Of course; you live, after all, 3,000 miles apart, but it helps our relationship get into writing right away. We are literally words on a page (screen) to each other for the first year of our collaboration (we don’t even talk on the phone!). It doesn’t hurt that we meet via Elrena’s submission to the section of Literary Mama that Caroline is editing at the time.

Meet when one of you is pregnant. This helps get the conversation personal, pronto, as Caroline cautions Elrena that she might not get back to her very promptly with edits.

Don’t always stick to the point. We know we are both writers, and mothers, and if we’d stayed on topic it might have stayed at that. Instead, we digress into breastfeeding and parenting and graduate school and ivory tower life -- and friendship. And then, ultimately, a book."

Happy reading!