A Really Nice Murder Blog

Like an Old Friend

2009-04-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

So lately I've been in a bit of a funk. Lord knows there are plenty of things to stress me out. Work. Kids. Health. Aging Parents. But it's more than that. I've been stagnant, both in my writing and my friendships. It's time I tested new waters.

But instead I've crawled back into the past and found it to be a lovely new place. It's fresh and warm, sort of like bread from the oven. It seems time has not diminished many of the books I once loved and I'm rediscovering them all over again. I began buyin the newly re-released Georgette Heyers. Sourcebooks has them all being gradually re-released with gorgeous new covers. Oh, How I love Heyer! Let me count the ways.

I think I love her feisty heroines the best, followed by her pairings of equally wide-eyed heros and heroines. My personal favorite may be Black Sheep, closely followed by Faro's Daughter, Frederica, Regency Buck, and Friday's Child. I also adore Cotillion. Her characters are magnificently drawn and the situations are always fresh and entertaining. Her history is so right that I never find myself pulled from the story. Yummy!

If Heyer is fresh bread, then M.M. Kaye is chocolate chip cookies. I'm reading my way through her Death in... series. So far I've re-read Death in Kenya and Death in Zanzibar. Next up, I'm thinking Death in the Andamans and Death in Cypress. Or maybe Kashmir. I love her mysteries. Exotic locales, young lovers, treasure, spies, creepy houses: her books have it all. I only wish there were more of them. If all you know about this woman is The Far Pavilions, you simply must give her mysteries a try.

Mary Stewart would have to be a big steaming baked potato with all the fixings. Always romantic and always suspensful, her novels really set the bar for me. Intrepid heroines who sometimes rescue their heros simply made my teenaged heart go pitty-pat. No jerk, a-hole exucuses for Alpha Males. Her heros are witty, urbane, and utterly devoted to their heroines. The danger often somes from within, killer cousins and deceptively faithful family retainers abound. What's not to love?

So who are YOUR comfort foods? I mean reads. Comfort reads. I knew that.

And what do they taste like?

Sympathy for the Devil

2009-04-20T12:50:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I'm sure it sucks to be a predator. Predator's get no love. Everyone saves their warm fuzzy feelings for little fluffy bunnies and duckies.

Sigh.

Including me.

Two weeks ago, something began nomming on my pet ducks. I had fifteen ducks and they weren't allowed to simply roam at night. My ducks are very spoiled. They have a Taj Mahal duck house and their own plastic wading pools for the days they don't feel like trekking down to the pond. At night, they are safely locked inside with feeders and a bowl of water with lovely mounds of fluffy shavings to nest in.

Something broke into the Taj Mahal and devoured most of Snowdrop. Turned out that the house breaker had dropped onto the roof from the trees, pried back the chicken wire covering the vent holes and helped himself to Snowdrop (a Swedish Blue duck) and most of the eggs. So we fortified the Taj Mahal with extra boards and went to sleep certain that the duckies were safe.

Not so. The bandit struck again. I opened the door expecting the usual mad dash for pools, but my ducks seemed reluctant to come out. Finally, one by one, the emerged and I saw the first evidence of carnage. Two of my ducks were bloody and badly injured, Squeaker (a little, noisy, crested Swedish Blue) and Staypuff the Marshmallow Duck (An enormous crested white Pekin who looks like he has a giant fluffy marshmallow on his head). Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Inside I discovered the remains of Heidi (A black Cayuga).

Squeaker didn't last the day, but Staypuff really hung in there. He's a feisty one. This time the miscreant had pried open the wire along the back vents of the roof. I no longer had any doubts as to the villain of this piece: A racoon. Once a racoon puts your poultry on his nightly rounds, there is nothing you can do but remove him. I hate killing animals, but I buried Squeaker and Heidi and hardened my heart. The racoon must die.

We borrowed a livetrap and placed it on the roof of the Taj Mahal I didn't want to catch any stray bunnies or skunks, just the killer coon. In a flash of divine justice, I baited the trap with duck eggs. Sure enough the next morning, there he was staring at me. The mighty predator. A medium sized racoon. He was kind of cute and clearly petrified, but he hissed and showed me his teeth. On a closer examination (okay, not to close. I'm not soooopid.) I saw part of the problem. He had an enormously swollen infected leg. Suddenly, it all made sense.

This was a very injured animal trying to survive. My ducks were an easy source of food for him after he stopped being able to efficiently hunt. To him, the Taj Mahal was a handy buffet. I felt a little sympathy for the villain.

Course that didn't stop me from putting a bullet in his brain, but it was as quick and painless an end as we could manage for him and it started me thinking about villains. So rarely are they simply evil for the sake of being evil. No, they want something. Something real. Something necessary. Maybe they're desperate, injured, hungry, under duress. They don't want to be evil. They just want to survive.

I doubt the racoon considered himself the villain of the story. He probably would tell you that he was the tragic victim of an uncaring farmer who maliciously trapped and shot him. My ducks would say that I'm an avenging angel, but I feed them so they're totally biased. I guess sometimes villain and hero is just a little matter of perspective.

Ducks entering the Taj Mahal at night. That is Squeaker in the far left corner and Staypuff just below the ramp and Snowdrop to his right. RIP Squeaker, Heidi, and Snowdrop.

Show Me Where it Hurts

2009-04-18T13:21:00.000-07:00

Ow! Ow! Ow!

I'm having one of those chapters. You know the ones I mean. I've been stuck for days and I keep writing and deleting and rewriting and redeleting. Finally, I'm just plowing on through the suckitude until I get to the good stuff again.

Why does this happen? Is it just a part that I haven't thought through carefully enough? Am I missing a step? Is my brain just not turned on? What?

What I have learned is that the only thing for it is to keep going. Sometimes I look back and have trouble spotting where it was painful to write. It may have felt bad at the time, but was actually productive and not too sucky. Other times I reread and wonder if someone slipped crack into my coffee when I wasn't looking. Yowza.

This all seems to happen most often in transitions. I'm at point A. Dramatic major plot event has just occured and in the aftermath, I need to be at point B. Getting there equals headaches from pulling my hair. That's what has happened this time. I'm just going to skim ahead and get myself to point B. I check back later and see if the journey makes sense or if I'm destined for a major rewrite.

I'm betting on rewrite.

Why I don't Write What I Know

2009-04-06T08:23:00.000-07:00

Come a little closer. I have a confession. Closer. Cloooooooooser.

K, not that close.

Better.

All that conventional wisdom about write what you know? I refuse. Oh, I've done it in the past and there are any number of writing tropes that would fit perfectly in my life. Soccer mom? Lived it. Cute little Southern Town ala Fanny Flag? Lived it. Ranch life? Yup. Gotta go let the ducks down to the pond in a few minutes and gather eggs (not to mention chase my son's horse off the front porch yet again. I don't get her obsession with chewing on my porch furniture. Stick to the grass, dammit!)

I think my obession with historical periods is pretty well known, but I'm the same way about exotic locales. Gimme long ago and far away or at least one of the two. I want escapism. I want fantasy. I don't want to write about my life for anything longer than a blog post.

Life on a ranch holds no mystique to me. For some it may sound fascinating, but all I can think about is cleaning stalls and who needs to be dewormed and is it time to move the cows to the back pasture. Not really romantic fodder.

I want to read about palm trees and jungles and beaches and drawing rooms and Victorian street life and the birth of the Viennese Waltz and settling Kenya and--you get the picture. I want things as far removed from my world as possible. I want to be transported and not only when I read.

Let's face it. Like a lot of writers, I began doing this in order to entertain myself. Writing should be fun and for me, it just isn't fun to ruminate on my reality. So I've placed my writing where my reading is. No more contemporary stories set in Texas. Done.

I might write an 1880's ranch tale though. Just maybe.

Whoa! I feel like dancing!

2009-03-22T20:55:00.000-07:00

I love it when a plan comes together. I'm deep into rewrites on my most recent novel (including an entirely new ending, but that is a rant of another color for another day).

I just got to a pivotal scene and...and...I love it. I gave myself chill bumps. It's evil and savage and I just discovered the most horrible thing to do to my MC. This is gonna scar her forever.

I feel like Mr. Burns rubbing my hands together. "Excellent."

Funny how this stuff works. I've been in a cranky mood off and on for, oh, a week, a month, maybe three. But this just made me grin.

Oh yeah, gonna do the robot dance!

So tell me about your serendipity! Find any good nuggets in your WIPs?

Bloggus Interrupticus

2009-03-21T17:37:00.001-07:00

..........................................................................

Should I start my list of excuses now? There was Christmas and New Years and we bought a new horse and my husband had surgery and my mother was in the hospital and I went camping and trout fishing and I've worked a lot then my kids had spring break and we had a drought followed by a flood and my ducks are laying eggs and we took a bull to the butchers and my friend had a baby and I've finished my short story but I'm rewriting the end to Death by Scandal because I just read a book that had the exact same freaking end as my novel and what were the odds on that but there you are and my house is a mess and one of my donkeys got a cut on his eye and needed medecine put on it six freaking times a day and it was basketball season for my kids and now it's baseball season and there was the stock show and Ima gonna stop now.

You get the picture.

Picture? You want a picture? Try this one on.

Spring has sprung on my farm and that means lots of busy times, but definitely more attention to my poor little neglected bloggy. I've missed you people!

Blog? What Blog?

2008-12-24T10:14:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I've been a little busy. I'm close to finishing "Death by Scandal" but "The Ruination of Prudence" wouldn't wait. Prudence is a cheeky git! I had to stop and write her story. Between kids out for the holidays and work and writing, poor little Murder Blog went begging. I'll be back to blogging regularly after the holidays.

So until then: Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanza and a Lovely New Year to everyone!

My yearly public service announcement.

2008-12-06T21:16:00.000-08:00

Don't ever do this:

Seven Different Flavors of Crazy

Thank you.

You Ought to Know...

2008-12-03T08:07:00.000-08:00

In an effort to make my blog more than my personal winge column, I'm adding a new feature. (yay for features.) Each week I'll post a "you ought to know" article about a person of interest from the 19th century (mostly). First up next week will be James Gordon Bennet, both the junior and the senior. A two fer! How's that for a treat?

Cue Evil Laugh

2008-11-30T16:45:00.000-08:00

I've done it! Fifty thousand words. Best of all, I'm rather pleased with the story--except I'm feeling a little guilty. My characters are very nice people and I've chased them up trees and thrown rocks at them.

My hero and heroine just got to their wedding day and I had twinges of guilt the whole time I was writing about their bliss. Their anticipation was so intense that they started getting it on in the carriage when he stopped her. After all, their marital bed was waiting for them and they had the rest of their lives.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you think you were going to consummate your marriage tonight? Pwned!

What I knew and they didn't was that a man with a gun was waiting to ambush them. There would be no connubial bliss. The scene turned out much darker than I originally intended but my heroine surprised me with her strength. She started out this novel crying at the drop of a hat. I think she's grown quite a bit through her ordeal. :sniff: I'm quite proud of her now. Still I felt sorta bad about the whole thing. It was supposed to be her happiest moment and I made it hell on earth, but hey--who said growth was easy?

So, what's the most evil thing you've done to your characters recently?

La La La! I can't hear you!

2008-11-27T18:43:00.000-08:00

So, I'm fighting the derail in my story right now. I've been hit with the new project bug, a shiny new virus determined to suck away productivity from my current WIP. It beckons to me with seductive new characters ripe with promise and free from the taint of convoluted subplots and unexpected plot twists. It won't hurt at all. Sooooooooooo easy to give in.

No! I must fight it! I must not allow the infection to take hold. There is no antibiotic, but I've done what I can to plump up my immune system. I've outlined the new story in order to purge it from my system. It has not been effective.

This isn't the first new product virus to attempt invasion during NaNo, but it has been the most successful. The characters whisper to me in my dreams. I picture them as I'm shopping in the grocery store. They pursue me with shamless intensity.

But I shall prevail. I have a new strategy. This is my carrot, my reward for finishing this novel. When I am done with Death by Scandal, I'm allowed to write the Ruination of Prudence. (And give it a better name too.)

How about you? Other projects trying to get a little me time and steal your attention? How do you fight them?

Three cheers for stupid!

2008-11-23T15:36:00.001-08:00

Like the picture says, sometimes success means fail and sometimes fail means success. What I'm trying to say is that sometimes it is more interesting to see our characters make poor decisions than good ones, just as long as they feel the consequences of their actions.

What makes TSTL characters so maddening is that everything turns out okay for them. Someone bails them out. The hero rescues the heroine from her stupid decision and no one calls her on it. She never realizes the error of her ways. Even worse, her impetuous and foolish behavior is praised as brave. This makes me want to leave a permanent forehead impression on my desk.

In real life, people do make bad decisions or act without thinking, but they have to live with the consequences. Failure can lead to personal growth and for characters, that leads to win and awesome! Isn't that what we hate the most about Mary Sue characters? If she is beautiful and sweet and a rocket scientist who speaks seven languages and knits blankies for orphans in between composing piano sonatas--well, where is the drama. Of course she will succeed. Ho hum. On the flip side is someone so flawed that I just can't bond with her at all, but that's another rant for another day.

In my current WIP, my heroine makes a bad choice and conceals information in a murder investigation. She thinks she is simply protecting herself but it becomes harder and harder to maintain the falsehood. The small bit of information she hides becomes increasingly important to the investigation. Finally, she must own up to her actions and live with the consequences. She finally triumphs by making smarter choices.

So lets hear it for failure and stupidity. Huzzah! Don't they make life grand?

Two Steps Forward...

2008-11-18T19:24:00.000-08:00

Sigh!
So, I had this great idea and tinkered around with my plot this morning. I started the day with a bonehead move. I left my laptop at home. DOH! It was an odd day without email or teh intrawebs. This gave me a chance to pull out my handy, dandy notebook. Fortunately I never travel without.

I noodled about and then had one of those glorious heavenly choir light from above epiphanies. :cue sparklies: This was followed by more brilliance and suddenly I had this awesomesauce plot twist and it worked perfectly...except...except...oh crap. It required my heroine to do something TSTL*.

Dang it. I hate that. It sounds like a good idea at the time but when you look at it under the lights--not so much. Very deflating.

But!!!!! But the first part of my uber wonderful idea? Still greatness.

Now if I can only pull it off! What false steps have you made in your WIPS?

*Too Stupid To Live

Time to kill somebody

2008-11-17T08:04:00.000-08:00

No, don't worry. This isn't one of those "mary goes off the rails" moments. I meant in my WIP. I hadn't really planned on more than one death (except the murderer who will meet a bad end) but I think I'm heading toward another dead body. My heroine has inadvertantly pissed off the killer and put herself in harm's way. I think the murderer will make an attempt on her life and kill the wrong person.

I was afraid I had made a bad move and resolved some of my conflict far too early, but I think this just might redeem it. I was losing my sense of danger to the protagonists. This should do nicely. Nothing like someone who wants to kill you to heighten the tension.

Then again, I don't want to rely on cheap plot devices to manufacture tension. Oh hey, story getting stale, time to kill someone again. It has to feel organic and necessary to the plot. I think it is. The killer has framed my protagonist for the murder. Now she's going to try and fake her suicide. Too bad she doesn't know my gal doesn't like chocolates and will hand off the poisoned present to someone else.

Mwahahahahaha!

Turtling along

2008-11-11T16:48:00.000-08:00

So, I'm still at it. Baking my Black Forest Torte one layer at a time. I should hit 20K tonight. Yay. But progress has been slow this week and I have violated the most sacred tenet in all of NaNodom.

I've been editing.

Yup. Several times now I have looked over my writing and started editing.

Even worse?

I've taken words out.

It goes against everything NaNo stands for and yet I've been unable to restrain myself. When I read and see words that don't belong--or even worse, entire scenes--it goes against everything I've trained myself to do as a writer to simply leave them for later. I must fix it now.

I'm not sure if this is growth on part as a writer or simply a dread of the inevitable rewrites that will fall my way. See, I've been down this road too many times now. I'm not a starry-eyed writer in love with her first novel. I have quite a few novels cluttering my hard drive now. (And one out a LuLu and one partial still in the hands of an agent) For me, the thrill isn't so much in the idea of finishing a novel. That I can do.

But I know how much work will come with finishing one. Writing is the easy part and editing is a bitch. Perhaps I am more cautious because of last year's NaNo project where I wrote with complete abandon. Dawg that was fun. But the edits...OY!

Will my rewrites be any easier for my more cautious approach? Check back in January.

Noms for Everyone!

2008-11-06T19:10:00.000-08:00

So, I've already whined about how different this NaNo is for me compared to years past. Last year, Nano was a blast. I was done by around the 20th and just played and padded my wordcount for the remaining 10 days.

I easily breezed out 5,000 word days. No sweat. It was good fun. The words just tumbled out so easily.

2008? Not so much.

Methodical. Plodding. Deliberate. All those words come to mind. Now I happen to love this WIP and have hopes for it, but it is not the giddy delight of last year. The difference? I think it's the book.

Last year was a breezy paranormal mystery told in first person with a sassy chick lit voice and a snarky humor. It was so much that it ought to be criminal.

My current WIP's style of prose requires much more thought and precision. I have been unable to simply vomit on the page and let the ugly hang out. Oh, it's still ugly--damn ugly in places.

Last year was chocolate mousse, fluffy and light and delicious. Speed is an asset when making chocolate mousse. If you take too long the cream settles and you lose the whip. It's all a scurry of motion and rapid chill.

This year is black forest torte, dense layers that take time to craft. The secret to making a perfect black forest torte is patience. You need to cook the first layer and then let it cool completely before adding the next. If you put a cold layer on top of a hot one, the hot one bubbles through and the layers mix. It loses its texture. You need to cook the chocolate mixture. Let it cool. Fill the pie crust. Add the cherry mixture. Another layer of chocolate. Whipped cream. More cherries. Curls of dark chocolate. It takes time, but oh so worth it.

We'll just see if I can keep the thing from collapsing into a hot mess.

But whatever the WIP, however it needs to be written, we shall all nom.

NOMS FOR EVERYONE!

Inching Along

2008-11-05T19:58:00.001-08:00

I'm a plodder. I've come to this conclusion after seeing the massive word counts some people are posting for NaNoWriMo. I thought I wrote with decent speed, but I now see that I'm methodical and deliberate and kinda slow actually.

2K a day. That's me. I putz along at my own speed while others post 5, 10, 15 thousand words a day.

That's okay.

I don't mind be the turtle.

Just so long as I still get my share of the lettuce.

All Hallows' Eve Rituals

2008-10-31T12:59:00.000-07:00

So, now is the time for my October 31st rituals. They are two-fold. First, I have to dress the kiddos up and take them out to acquire enough sugary goodness to rot their teeth before puberty. The youngest will be a pirate. See, he's planned on being a pirate for weeks. The costume is made, right down to the eye patch and plastic sword. Except yesterday he decided he wanted to be a Power Ranger again. Nice try kid.

The eldest has decided that he is too old and too cool for candy begging--although he will deign to take his little bro around to get the goodies. And he will wear a black cape. That's pretty much it. :sobs: They grow up so fast.

The rest of my ritual revolves around NaNoWriMo. Unless you are some hapless soul who wandered in here and can't find the exit, you're one of my writer friends and probably know all about National Novel Writing Month. 30 days. 50,000 words.

Last year I went in with a 50 page outline. This year I only have a 15 pager. I'm a wee bit apprehensive, but I'll manage. I hope.

Naturally I'm staying in the 19th century and continuing to work on Death by Scandal (or Murder by Scandal. I can't decide on a title.) The story is humming along and I have a firm idea of where the next 10K are going. I hope to write them this weekend. Yes, that is absolutely insane. But this year I have a secret weapon.

I have my new office downstairs which means I can write late at night if I want and tonight I intend to hit the ground running...er...typing at midnight. I have a coffee pot and by that time I will be armed with my children's Halloween candy.
What more can any writer as for?

Obligations in November? I have a few. Full time job. Kids in school. The conclusion of soccer season and beginning of basketball. Thanksgiving. Two camping trips planned. A jury trial next week. And those 50,000 words. Piece of cake.

So how about you. Do you NaNo? I want to hear about everyone's project!

You Know Who (wink-wink, nudge-nudge)

2008-10-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

Todays post is familiar detectives in mystery. Those dependable, tried and true investigators.

1. LOLs: No, I don't mean Lolzcats. I mean Little Old Ladies. They are a snoopy breed with free time and disposable income. Between cups of tea and their knitting, they manage to ferret out evildoers from our midst. THE CLASSIC: Miss Jane Marple of course.

2. Nosy Kids: If there is anyone more curious than an LOL, it's a kid. Put a gang of them together and apparently they are more potent than a trained police force. Hey, school only lasts a few hours and if it's summer then they have nothing but free time. I'm including teens and that means THE CLASSIC: Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys tie FTW! (but I'm not ignoring the 3 Investigators or Trixie Belden!)

3. Falsely Accused: They don't want to be embroiled in a crime and would rather not try to investigate a murder, but they have no choice. The coppers think they did it and--not fancying a looooooooong sentence breaking rocks (or a date with Old Sparky the electric chair)--they must marshall their faculties and find the true bad guy. THE CLASSIC: That guy on the Fugitive. Richard Kimble maybe? I'm too lazy to google it. Or I don't care enough. Take your pick, but feel free to correct me in the comments.

4. The Professional: This is where you find the defective detective (police or private) or cop with a mistake in his past that he's trying to atone for. Maybe he convicted an innocent man and discovered it too late. Perhaps he was an alchoholic and now his wife and kids no longer speak to him. But he's always got personal reasons for his Holy Crusade for Truth and Justice. You can bet that the other cops will try to thwart him, but he's the Good Guy and will prevail. Not only is he battling the forces of evil, but his own personal demons as well. THE CLASSIC: Sherlock Holmes. He's a brilliant drug addict with serious personal issues.

5. The Investigative Reporter: Of course he is after the story, but mostly he just has a passion for revealing the hidden. Expect lots of freedom of the press speeches with this one and expect those in power to be engaged in a conspiracy to cover up the crime. But Clark Kent is not deterred by those who seek to hide under rocks. He believes in absolute truth, justice, and the American Way. Just don't ask his real identity. THE CLASSIC: Carl Kolchak of The Nightstalker.

So who am I missing? You tell me!

5 Things You Can Learn From a Dame

2008-10-21T17:26:00.001-07:00

Especially if the dame is Dame Agatha Christie. Okay, so I blogged about 5 tropes that chap my hide in mysteries. Now it's time to feel the love. See, there is bad familiar--that brother-in-law you will smack if he says "You gonna eat that?" one more time. Then there is that good sort of familiar--Mom's apple pie. You know how it will taste, but you love it. What tried and true favorites still make my tastebuds tingle?

1. The Locked Room Mystery: I love a good puzzle and nothing is better for me than the How Dunnit. I think my favorite may be Agatha Christie's Evil Under the Sun. Then again, you can't count out the ABC Murders (originally published as Who Killed Roger Ackroyd). Nobody does it like the Dame.

2. The Big Speech: The one where Charlie Chan lays out exactly what happened and how he deduced the solution. Then the lights go out. A gunshot rips through the darkness. *happy sigh* Yes, it's cheesy, but I love it. Just in case I missed something, it's reassuring to know all the answers. Monk also does this and Hercule Poirot was another master of the explanation. It's all in zee leetle gray cells, Hastings.

3. The Romantic Crimesolving Duo: In movies the king and queen were Nick and Nora Charles of the The Thin Man series. In TV, it was Jennifer and Jonathan of Hart to Hart. In literature, Tommy and Tuppence were my favorite romantic duo in all of the Agatha Christie novels. Even as a married pair, the sizzled with attraction for one another and the smart repartee kept me grinning. Nothing spices death like a pinch of love.

4. Exotic Locals: Remember the Carribean in Sparkling Cyanide? Or the gorgeous visions of Egpyt in Death on the Nile? I want to go someplace when I read and nothing appeals to me more than these exotic settings. Mysteries seem more mysterious, romance is more romantic, danger is more dangerous. It takes the known and familiar and sweeps it away. I can be completely immersed in the alternate world of fiction. For a bonus, anything written by M.M. Kaye can do that for you. I've recently decided to purchase (I've lost my old copies somewhere in a move) all her books and reread them. I can't wait.

5. It was nice knowing you: Mr. Redshirt extra guy from the away team. Mr. Bit Player who dies only to serve as exposition. In Agatha Christie, this was usually a maid or handyman who snoops too much and falls prey to the murderer. She made this work so well for her. That's what makes Miss Marple so cozy. A nice safe murder of a minor player. Lovely.

So those are some of my favorite Agathaisms. What makes you smile in a good sort of familiar way?

The Butler Did it!

2008-10-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've blogged a lot about romance lately and I've been reading stacks of it, but I've recently returned to my first love. I'm a fickle bitch, but for me there is nothing like a good mystery. I had gotten bored and frustrated with the offerings on the market. Nothing did it for me anymore. Cozy? Blah. I don't need another niche mystery about knitting or dog training or herbal gardening with a bit of sleuthing on the side and a safe love interest. Snore. A savage police procedural? A twisted legal thriller? Um, no. Thanks. I work in the justice system. I want escape, not a further dose of my life. Private Detectives? Not so much. So he drinks and has issues with his ex. Whatever.

But then I (insert happy snoopy dance of joy) discovered historical mysteries and it was Calgon, take me away once more. Recent joys have been Tasha Alexander's And Only to Deceive and Deanna Raybourn's Silent in the Grave. Both are excellent debuts set in Victorian England. 19th century Europe? Squee!

Now I'm happily back to writing mysteries (historical of course!) and I've been thinking about the familiar tropes of the genre that rub my kitty fur the wrong way.

1.Dangerous to Know: This is the amateur sleuth who manages to stumble across the dead body of a minor player in the first 30 pages of every novel. Seriously, how many dead bodies can one person find?

2.He had it coming: The victim is EEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIILLLLLLLL!!! With capital E and stuff. He's a baddy mcbaddy who evicts little old ladies, kicks puppies and steals candy from kids for kicks. It isn't a question of who had a motive, but of who didn't. Oh, and the one person who doesn't have a motive? That's your killer. Yep. This is especially prevalent in cozies where bad stuff shouldn't really happen to good people.

3. Vee Haf Vayz of Making You Talk: tricking the killer into a public confession or going to retrieve incriminating evidence or moving the body or any other bluff to magically solve the crime. I like to call this the Scooby Doo Method of crimesolving. It seems to work best with overconfident/panicky/stupid criminals. I'd have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids!

4. Keystone Cops: This is an older but a goody. The inneffective/corrupt/stupid police. They are incapable of solving the crime. Good thing the knitting circle's little old ladies are on the job! This is another trope that cozies are especially guilty of. Naturally an inquisitive elementary school teacher is better suited for solving crimes between classes than trained professionals. Bonus points awarded if she receives assistance from cute kids and a dog.

5. Can Johnny Come out and Play? I seriously hate killers who leave playful clues or engage in games with the cops. Poetic messages, children's rhymes, a black rose, hints about the next victim, taunting calls to the detective's unlisted number? Jack the Ripper beat you to it. Been there, done that, have the 19th century T-shirt to prove it. Time for fresh meat.

Okay, that's enough ranting for one day. I feel better now. Much better. Whist and charades anyone?

La La La! I can't hear you!

2008-10-15T09:07:00.001-07:00

Ever been in your own little world? Of course you have. That's why you're a writer. Lately I've been inhabiting the fantasyland of my latest book. Since it is set in the nineteenth century, I find I've gotten a little strange. French phrases have begun to pepper my vocabulary. I felt chilly this morning and wondered where my pelisse was. I find gaslight strangely soothing.

Yes, I've well and truly lost it. Worst of all, I intend to stay in my London fog (no, not the coat) for at least another couple of months. My poor family.

But this started me thinking about imaginary worlds and books. Isn't this why many of us read? I want to be transported from my land of dirty dishes and homework to something different, something not mine. I want history, far away lands, vampires, victorian drawing rooms, flying monkeys. I want to be transported. That is basically why I read. Any author who can take me away (Yes. Just like Calgon.) is someone I will return to over and over.

That is what the best authors do. They create another world and invite you to step into it. I suppose this explains my current fascination with historical fiction. It is so very clearly NOT the here and now. I'm gonna ruminate on this for a couple of days--perhaps over a nice cuppa or some sherry. It's almost calling time and I need to be ready to recieve callers. Please instruct my groom to prepare the carriage. I have some shopping to do on Bond Street and I need to see my modiste.

10 Things I Hate (and <3) about you

2008-10-06T10:13:00.001-07:00

Actually it's just five things I hate and five things I love in a hero. These are my personal preferences.

1. Mr. Forced seduction. Yuck. No want. You can add spanking and all manner of asshole coercive behavior to this. I don't find it appealing in any way shape or form. IMHO all this does is reinforce the stereotype that no means yes and that all women really want a man who treats them like crap.

2. Mr. Insert-Stupid-Name-Here. Need I say more? Don't name him Racque Woodmount. Just don't.

3. Mr.Rake to Mr. Pussywhipped in a single kiss. I mean really. Do men really go from hounddog to family man just like that? He beds anything that moves until he gets a gander of our heroine and suddenly he just wants a country house and babies with the misses while they play whist with the vicar on friday. Right. And speaking of, why is it supposed to be appealing that he's been indiscriminately promiscuous? Diseases? Surprise teenage bastards showing up on your doorstep looking for Daddykins? That's another no want!

4. Mr. Perfect. So don't name him Racque, but don't name him Gary Stu either. You know this hero. He's taller and handsomer than anyone else and more masculine and smarter plus he can shoot, fence, drive, and make whoopee better than any man in the history of forever. I like my heros flawed and tasty. Keep your rainbow-pooping Gary Stu in your own fantasy.

5. Mr. Personal Security System. He protects her from herself for her own good. This is sort of an offshoot of number 1, but deserves it's own spot. I include all the stalkerish, watching-her-sleep, hiring-someone-to-follow-her stuff here. I'm all about him keeping her safe, but this is usually just another form of abusive, controlling behavior. If she is TSTL and can't even be trusted to take a hand in her own safety, why is he supposedly wanting her in the first place? Get a dog you can kennel. Sheesh.

Okay, so now I sound like a picky bitch. (guilty!) I hate uber-controlling, violent, sexaholics with stupid names. So what do I love in a hero?

1. Mr. Tortured Soul. Oh, he's misunderstood and has a tragic past, but he tries to smile through the pain. Come here, baby. I'll make it better. Looooooooooove him.

2. Mr. Not Conventionally Handsome. Yes, I'm a sucker for the scarred or maimed hero. I realize as I'm drafting this list that I must have some sort of deep-seated nurturing instinct run amok. Oh well. I love him anyway. So there. I have a distrust for the too pretty. I don't want a man better looking than I am and I doubt I'm the only woman out there who feels that way. He should be manly, but he doesn't need to be Gerard Butler (although I sure wouldn't boot him out of bed if I managed to get Gerry drunk enough to...nevermind. Staying PG here.)

3. Mr. Humor. Love me some funnyman. Not the yucking it up sort of way, but a wry appreciation for the absurdity of life and a man who doesn't take himself too seriously gets me right in the... *cough* ...moving right along... *fans self*

4. Mr. Smart. No big dumb meatheads need apply. This slot in my heart is reserved for the intelligent man. Bonus points if he's got common sense. I have a serious affection for the geeks of the world. I think one of my favorite heros is the slightly nerdy man with unrequited love for the heroine who rises to the challenge to protect her and wins her heart. Om nom nom nom.

5. Mr. Capable. I don't want a perfect Gary Stu, but the guy should be capable of providing for his family, changing a lightbulb or at least shooting the bad guys. If he's good for nothing, she needs a puppy instead. And I adore a man who is very talented at something. Good with his hands. Yeah, that too.

So basically I'm looking for a capable, intelligent man with a wry sense of humor, unconventional looks and a tortured soul. Got any spare ones lying around?

Blog? What Blog?

2008-10-02T08:58:00.001-07:00

Um, yeah. I haven't blogged in a bit because my life was operating a critical mass for about 10 days. Whew. When squeezed by life, online activities were the first thing to get chucked out the window. I'm back and blogging again. In fact, I may double-dip and blog again later today.

I was inspired by Dear Author's Super-sizing of Alpha-Males post a couple of days ago. I'm going to blog about my loves and hates for heros and then again for heroines. As always, feel free to join me in feeling the love (and the hate, cause we all know snark is fun.)

Sssssssh! My Show is On: a deux

2008-09-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

Part 2 of Everything I Need to Know about Writing Mysteries I Learned from my Television: Ten Lessons in High Definition

6. Stargate: It's all in how you tell the story. Let's face it, there are only so many plots to go around. The important thing is to keep it fresh. A cool idea will only take you so far. You go through the gate into another world and something happens that you have to set right in 1 hr (2 hours if you've got a continuing story). You can take the story and twist it. Add compelling characters and torture them. Yes, the story is important, but it's in how you tell it. The great storytellers of our time know how to hook you and keep you absorb. They make you care with their art. I'm convinced that this part of writing, more than any other, is a natural gift. I think part of the knack is simply paying attention. Look at a great story and break it down. What appeals to you? How does the teller build the tension and hold your interest? Old can become new and shiny if it is done well, but the more familiar the trope, the better job you had better do in execution. The little black dress is a staple. Everyone sells one. But the perfectly tailored little black dress from the right fabric? Magic. Your locked door mystery or village cozy had better shine.

7. CSI: Plant your clues with care. A mystery can be as twisted and complicated as you like, but you must play fair with the audience. I'll say that one again. YOU MUST PLAY FAIR WITH YOUR AUDIENCE. There is a sort of pact between mystery authors and their readers. The mystery must be something solveable. If you do it well enough, they will be surprised but in an "Of course! Why didn't I see it?" sort of way and not in an "OMG! WTF BBQ on top! You have got to be kidding me!" sort of way. One should be able to work backwards through the book after reading it once and spot the clues. The evidence must be there. If you drop in the solution that no one could possibly predict and solve your mystery with a flourish of deus ex machina, you will end up with some pissed off readers and we know where that leads. (Toe nail stringing and the pummeling, remember? Stay with me!) The villian should make sense, not be some tacked on element, but an integral part of the story.

8. The Ghost Whisperer: Pay attention to the dead guy. He needs to be more than just a body in the library. This was a person and his death is your catalyst. He needs to be a fully fleshed human being. We need to know him intimately and understand how he relates to all the people in your story. The same goes for the villian. Please don't let him be the guest star of the week (Murder, She Wrote, I'm looking at you!) I could do another show on this, but I've already devoted an entire blog post to the cardboard villian. It isn't a murder mystery without a murder. Make yours count.

9. Sex in the City: Everything tastes sweeter with a little romance. And it isn't just romance that sweetens things. It's relationships. What makes genres like romance and mystery so enduringly popular are the characters and their relationships. Monk is just Monk, but when he's paired with Sharona as a foil, he's funny. The show isn't just about some weird guy. It's about his relationships with his dead wife, his earthy streetsmart caretaker, his former boss, etc... We need to feel the relationships. Murders should involve passion, greed, betrayal, something to provoke enough emotion to kill. Think of these as more than just "detective", "killer", "love interest", "dead guy". It's all in how they relate to one another that makes the story compelling.

10. Lost: Don't be that guy. You know the one. He corners you at the cocktail party and proceeds to tell you his life story. The info dump: fear it! Just when you get embroiled in events on the island, suddenly the story shifts and you learn allllllllllll you ever wanted to know about a character's back story. This is tough to do well and even harder in a novel. Obviously, a mystery is going to be about a past event and these people will have motivations and histories that are crucial. You have to dole it out in bites. Don't try to cram an entire steak down the readers' throats in a single sitting. They'll gag. (Then pursue you for more pummeling.)

11. Project Runway: Shut your face. Did I say ten lessons? This is a bonus. I adore PR and if you've ever seen the runway critiques at the end, you know where I'm going with this. Invariably there is a contestant or two who becomes unhinged when the judges say unflattering things about their precious creation. Those loser judges just didn't appreciate the creativity and the staggering genius of his work and besides it wasn't his fault because his partner was a slacker and the model didn't do things correctly and someone sabotaged his sewing machine, and blah, blah, blah. This never goes well. Sometimes we just have to learn to turn a critical eye on ourselves and try to see what others do. Shut up. Listen. Maybe we can learn something. Maybe not. But you never know if you don't listen. It's better to simply say : okay, thanks. And then digest.

Okay, this was fun for me. How about you? What lessons have you learned from TV?