Lift Up Your Hearts

Romancing the 70s

2009-07-11T21:39:00.000-07:00

I'm up - gosh, I almost said late, but it's actually only 9:39pm. Call me an old lady, eh? ANYway, Alif's out playing soccer and I'm up alone, and because we do not have cable and there is nothing on and also because I'm too lazy to SEE if anything at ALL is on, there's a paid program on that's advertising 70s music. It is corny beyond belief.

But all of a sudden, in the middle of "stuck on you . . . got this feelin' down deep in my soul . . . " my eyes misted over. I didn't even know why! Then I got an image in my mind. Funnily, it was sort of washed out in 70s colors, like I'm remembering pictures, not actual memories - but the image was of my Dad and my Mom and my sister and brother and me. Jerod has on brown cords and a too-tight polo, Megan and I have matching bowl cuts. Dad has a perm (yes, I'm serious) and Mom's hair is in the classic Dorothy Hammill. And we are happy.

I would never trade my life now to go back to that time. I love being a Mommy and I love relating to my sibs and parents as adults and I especially love being a wife.

But man. Memories can be powerful, can't they? Holding tight to my Dad's shoulders as he glides underwater with me on his back . . . making my two cats get married . . . Megan saying "under to" instead of just "under" . . .

I couldn't wait to grow up. I thought when I was grown up I wouldn't have to follow any rules. Ha! And like I said, I'm really glad that I am a grown-up now, but man - I miss those times. I miss being a family. It didn't feel simple at the time, but it sure does looking back on it. Well, in some ways. I don't know, I'm just feeling a little weepy tonight thinking back on all of it.

I think I was better off watching Married With Children. This paid programming is for the birds!

How the Shhhedule's going

2009-07-10T15:57:00.000-07:00

Most people would probably post an update about their new Summer Schedule after - say, a week. I have such a short attention span that I am here ONE day later to tell you how it's going.

It's going great!

Ha! Ha ha!

No, really, though. Yesterday we got back to The Horse and His Boy. We're near the end and I have to say that I thought I was not going to like this book at all, but once we got around halfway, I realized I was pretty into it and liking the new characters quite a lot. I think it maybe helped that we took a break for a week and read Traitor in the Tower while Malachi was at camp. That was a book I thought would bore me to bits but I really REALLY liked reading it to the kids and I learned a ton from it!

Also I felt good yesterday about doing Wii Fit, and I cleaned off my laundry room shelves, which had bred rags like crazy. Whew! Gotta supervise things in there!

Today I did not do any sort of exercise or outside time at all but instead read my e-mails and tended my farm and other things that don't actually matter. Then we started working on a Seeds book that I downloaded for free a while back. It's like a lapbook but all in workbook form, all about seeds! Fun! We did 4 pages of that and it was much enjoyed by all children. Then we went to Wal-Mart to return an ice cream maker and to the store for food.

We came home and ate lunch and read our book again, though I had to stop early because everyone was very interrupty today.

And now I have to figure out how and why one particular child has lost the 2" usb pluggy-inny-part of the mouse while traveling from the table to the desk and back. How does this happen?? And I should also put away the groceries and do those afternoon chores.

Summer Schedule

2009-07-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

I had lots of ideas at the beginning of summer - activities, crafts, outings - but guess what? Laziness has taken over! We've done a lot of fun things but I've also wasted many hours farming on Farm Town (ahem) and other online silliness, while the children bicker and sit staring into the air, a leg thrown over the edge of the couch. Yesterday was the worst of all, and I decided it as time to get back to a little more structure in our days.

So - I made up a Summer Schedule. It follows the natural rhythm of our days, but gives me a time reference so that our day are a little more structured (most especially important for a time-waster like myself and a routine-needer like Graham) and so that I actually fit in all the fun ideas we have planned for our lazy summer days!

Keep in mind that each time block has PLENTY of time for the activities listed, plus some. There's plenty of downtime throughout the day for someone to stare if they want to, build with Legos, create things out of cardboard, draw with pens, swing outside, hose themselves down with water - whatever.

Wake - 8am (meaning, from when we wake up until 8am - my older boys have actually been waking around 8:30 . . . ) Mom shower, TV is on (PBS for the kids). This morning I had plenty of time since I got up at 6:30 so I went online for a bit.

8-10 Breakfast, Caris & Canaan bath, walk/outside time/exercise (today we did Wii Fit - the idea is to get some movement in early in the day, especially for mama), morning chores (this takes about 15 minutes - basically just getting pets taken care of, laundry going and dishwasher ready for the day)

10-12 Craft or activity (today the big boys are watching an old movie of David & Goliath that I unearthed when I tidied the laundry room), mini-school (a few things to keep us moving through our lessons - maybe 10-15 minutes per child)

12-1 Lunch, read-aloud - I just finished reading them Traitor in the Tower and now we'll go back to The Horse and His Boy

1-3 Mom's relax time, usually computer, and kids quiet time

3-4 Mom quiet work (paperwork, listing on eBay, whatever), kids computer/tv/reading/outside. Canaan's usually still sleeping at this time so the point is for us to be doing something interesting but quiet.

4-6 Afternoon chores - this takes a good chunk of this time, but I work with one child at a time so the rest are free to play. I'll also get dinner going during this time if we're not at baseball

6-8:30 Dinner, boys shower, Bible study, kids to bed

Happy 4th!

2009-07-05T17:27:00.001-07:00

Don't you love the fourth of July? I do! Patriotism abounds, the food is good, family and friends are around and - ahem - homemade ice cream. Yeah babuy!! Aren't the kids cute in their flag shirts? They're gifts from my Mom!

Last night was probably our quietest fourth ever! We had our dear friends over and the kids played in the inflatable waterslide while the adults made dinner.

I got the ice cream mix all ready to freeze, and then discovered that the ice cream maker was missing. Egads! Alif had a hazy memory that ours may have actually burned up last year, so he sweetly ran off to Wal-Mart to buy a new one. He bought the last one in stock, and I was really grateful until I saw that it had an inside part that had to be frozen overnight! What ice cream maker doesn't use rock salt and ice? Darn it all!!
Not one to be easily foiled out of homemade ice cream, Lynette remembered seeing where one could make ice cream using a system of ziploc bags! We did it, and it totally worked! YAY! Here's my family's recipe for ice cream . . .

Homemade Ice Cream

2 - 14 oz. cans sweetened condensed milk (Eagle Brand)

Use two cans to measure out 2 cans of regular homogenized milk

6 well beaten eggs

1 quart half and half

5 teaspoons vanilla

In large pot beat eggs well. Add both kinds of milk; beat well. Combine the half & half and vanilla with the milk and egg mixture and pour into 3 quart ice cream freezer container and turn on freezer.

- For fresh fruit decrease vanilla to 4 teaspoons and add 2 cups of sweetened crushed fruit.

- For chocolate add 1 can Hershey Syrup and decrease vanilla to 2 teaspoons.

And here's how to use ziploc bags to make it, courtesy of www.kaboose.com . . .

Fill the large bag half full of ice, and add the rock salt. Seal the bag.
Put milk, vanilla, and sugar into the small bag, and seal it.
Place the small bag inside the large one, and seal it again carefully.
Shake until the mixture is ice cream, which takes about 5 minutes.
Wipe off the top of the small bag, then open it carefully. Enjoy!

Tips:

A 1/2 cup milk will make about 1 scoop of ice cream, so double the recipe if you want more. But don't increase the proportions more that that -- a large amount might be too big for kids to pick-up because the ice itself is heavy.

After the bbq and waterslide fun we set up in the front yard for Alif's Annual Fireworks Extravaganza. He and Malachi did a bang-up (ha ha - snort) job. Graham and Ellie, the two resident fireworks scaredy-cats, were no longer scared and sat right up close. They even did sparklers!

It may have been a quiet night, but it was a fun and memorable one. Thank you Lord that I live in a free country! I am so thankful!

Some-hair over the rainbow

2009-07-02T15:54:00.001-07:00

I have done this hairdo on Caris a few times now. I like it because it's simple, it holds all of her shorter side-hairs in place longer than most hairdos, and because the rainbow of rubber band colors is just plain cute with almost anything she's wearing. She may or may not be sporting this 'do now, two days after I took these pictures. :-X

Start at the top corner and gather a diagonal section into a ponytail. Secure it with a small rubber band. I love Roy G. Biv, so I started with pink since there was no red.

With the next section, you'll move a little closer to the center. With the next one, right in the center. Then a little to the opposite side, and finally all the way down in the corner opposite where you started, so the final ponytail hangs coyly over your sweetie's shoulder in the front. Then use your flatiron to curl it all up, and give her bangs a once-over with it as well.
And just for fun, isn't Canaan cute cuddled up with Daddy at baseball last night? It was SO FLIPPIN' HOT but Alif looks cool as a cucumber in his old-man rocking chair. And just as a final sidenote, I would recommend that anyone whose toddler has fat Fred Flintstone feet go to Payless if you are in need of cheap shoes. I've now tried cheapos from Target and Wal-Mart and three pairs have left raw spots on his little footies. Ouch! These suckers from Payless were 14.99 and are comfy as can be.

Pique Macho

2009-07-01T09:43:00.000-07:00

Years and years ago, we went on vacation in Northern California. I am pretty sure it was when we just had the two boys, and they were like - oh, 3 and 4 or something like that. While we were there we visited the family of a lady who was then caring for Alif's grandma. They had a lovely home, sweet children, and they were so, so hospitable.

They spoke hardly any English, having come recently from Bolivia, but Alif's parents did their best to translate and Alif and I picked up what we could with our limited knowledge of Spanish. The husband prepared a huge, delicious breakfast. He was gregarious and smiling as he wielded a spatula in one hand and a beer in the other, both for drinking and for pouring bits into the meal as needed.

We so enjoyed the breakfast and more than that, we enjoyed our time with these new friends. Before we got into our car to leave, they hugged us and said, in Spanish, "we are family now!" When we were settled and on our way, we smiled at each other and wished we lived close to this family. They would certainly be among our closest of friends if we lived nearby.

Once we were home, I googled and googled for a recipe for the grand meal they'd served us. I knew the name of it but not how to spell it, and my finest efforts were unrewarded. As silly as it sounds, every so often that dish comes to mind and I wish yet again that I knew how to make it. Finally last weekend I asked Alif to call his parents and ask if they remembered what all was in it. They didn't, but they did know that the family we'd met was Bolivian.

Well, armed with this knowledge and my best friend google, I finally came up with the meal! Pique Macho!! YES! That's IT! There are dozens of variations, so I just cobbled together the best version I could, drawing on my limited memory and what simply sounded good. Here's how we did it . . .

Get a bag or two of frozen steak fries, and pop 'em in the oven to bake while you work on the topping. Potatoes are the basis for this recipe.

Your topping will include:
oil
spices (I used salt, pepper and cumin)
vegetables (I used onion, bell pepper, garlic and tomatoes)
meat (I used spicy sausage hot dogs, but strips of beef, regular hot dogs, breakfast sausage - anything like that would work)
eggs (I boiled and sliced mine, but fried eggs would be good too)
Next time I will probably add some beer. We do not drink - at all - but I think the beer would add something special!

Serve each person a little mound of potatoes, slop on some of the topping, and drizzle with balsamic vinegar.

Oh, baby. Yes.

Monday's a good day for pictures

2009-06-29T19:26:00.000-07:00

Swim lessons are going on but did I get any good pics of the actual kids taking the lessons? I did not. However, I thought Canaan was so cute being totally determined to get a tiny leaf out of the baby pool.

Yesterday Malachi left for camp. I was really looking forward to a quieter week, if I'm being honest, but instead it feels TOO quiet - downright lonely. And Graham, when his routine is off, is a bear. It hasn't been pretty.

But look! At Caris' earrings and missing front tooth! Now that's pretty! I took this in our dentist's office while waiting for the boys to have their checkups at the dentist. No cavities - yay boys!

Saturday's Random Thoughts

2009-06-27T15:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Caris told me about a nightmare she had. She dreamed that there was a fire in our house, and everyone else had gotten out but she was the only one stuck inside the house with no way out. It made me sad that her little mind is complex enough already to have had such a complicated and frightening dream. I prayed about it and filled her mind with beautiful things last night, and afterward she said, "I know what Satan is trying to do to me. He's trying to make me love him instead of Jesus." I said, "Oh honey, he knows you are God's girl and that you'll never love him, so he's working on making you scared instead." I have battled fear all my life and I really do not want that for my girl! On a practical note, we do not have a single smoke alarm in our home (I know, I know.) so today we went to Target and got a 2-pack. I'll need to get another 2-pack but at least for now the kids' rooms will each have one.

I read a blog today that said that a good amount of laundry is one load per family member per week. Six loads a week for my family? I do more like 20-30! DANG! I am working on some ways I can reduce my laundry:
~not even try to change the fact that Alif wears multiple layers of clothes at one time
~make sure the kids actually put away their clean laundry so it doesn't get mixed up with the dirty laundry all over their bedroom floors
~teach kids to put dirty clothes into hampers
~teach self to do the same
~train kids to hang their towels and use the same one for a week like Alif & I do
~pray that bedwetting will stop. soon.

Swim lessons started this week and went exceedingly well. Except that the pool pump broke on Wednesday and lessons were canceled for Thursday and Friday. Bummer! We were all so disappointed! I'm going to see if there's a way we can afford to do one more session this summer.

I must get Alif's contractor's license application mailed this week. We are stalled trying to think of a business name. My current fave is Aleph Construction. Aleph is the first letter of the greek alphabet and is where my in-laws came up with Alif. But it's more pronounceable and interesting and non-casual for a business name, I think. What do YOU think? Any ideas? He does any and all kinds of home repairs and improvements but especially loves doing remodels. Hmm.

It's not very green of me, but my bathrooms are ever so much cleaner since I caved and bought the disposable bathroom wipes. In literally 1-2 minutes I can give the counter, sink and toilet a quick wipe-down and they sparkle and are disinfected. So long green, clean is in for me!

Garden news: tomatoes are doing well with probably about 20 on the plant and 3 red so far (yum!). Grape tomatoes, planted about 2 weeks ago, are springing forth with green glee. Peas sprouted from the compost pile! Peas! And LAST year's jalapeno plant has 2 plump jalapenos on there, and last year's bell pepper plant is growing one good-lookin' pepper. Love my garden! Love it!

Father's Day Fun

2009-06-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

Dad had us all over for a Father's Day bbq yesterday. It was my family and Megan's family. The kids played, argued, swam, ate and had a ball. Canaan had to swim in jean shorts because he pooped his swim trunks on the way over. He didn't seem to mind but it sure seemed uncomfortable to me.
It kind of stresses me out how casual he is around the pool, but at least he doesn't just fling himself in this year like he did last year. Whew!
It's one of my Life Joys to see my and Megan's little boys playing together. Oh MAN are they cute.

And little miss Kate - oh, she's gorgeous!
Dad bought this crazy big toy and it was sure a hit! I couldn't believe the little ones weren't afraid on it!

So Thankful

2009-06-21T14:31:00.000-07:00

Canaan joined Alif & I in bed at some point last night. I think it was early morning. He nursed and when I turned over to go back to sleep, he scooted over and fell asleep with his feet against my side and his head cuddled on Alif's chest. What a sweet start to Father's Day!

As the day got going and we were rushing around to get ready for church, I would see one of my kids and say to myself, "Thank you (Alif) for giving me Caris." "Thank you for giving me Graham." And so on. Could there be any gift better than children? They're my most precious earthly treasure, and I know they're Alif's, too. We share a passion for our kids that couldn't possibly be matched by anything else.

And my own Dad - how lucky I am to be his daughter. He raised me to know the Lord. He wrestled with me and made me watch as he fixed the cars. He taught me how to pull weeds, how to laugh at myself, how to treat others. His sparkling personality filled me with awe then much as it does now. Watching him love my kids is even sweeter than being the adult recipiet of his love.

But most of all, today I am thankful for my Father. My Heavenly Father. Because no matter what happens, he is the same. He never changes, never gives up, never stops loving me, never stops giving me grace. He loves me beyond reason and seeks to make me something more.

I love you Alif! I love you Dad! I love you Father!

Do-over

2009-06-12T15:36:00.000-07:00

I almost laugh at myself when I look at the picture above. You know why? Because I thought it looked sort of nice! I planted the snapdragons and alyssum such a long time ago and felt pleased as punch when these annuals just kept on truckin' through winter. Sometimes the alyssum plant themselves in the most delightful places - in between the bricks, in other flower beds - oh, they're so sweet! So yeah, some of the under parts looked kind of brown and ugly, and there were some ugly, dead leaves in between the flowers, and the snapdragons had certainly seen better days, but still - flowers! How bad can flowers be?

Well, yesterday I was in a foul mood and thought a trip to the home center was in order. We needed new plants, I'd decided. We picked some and that very evening, Caris and I set to work on our little beds. We yanked those snapdragons and alyssum and every other mysterious thing growing in there. I went around the corner to deposit all the yuck into our green waste, and when i came back Caris had done the most amazing thing! She had cleared the first bed of all the debris and in its place was rich, dark brown soil. Gorgeous! There is nothing like a clean slate!

We dug and pulled roots and threw snails and pinched earwigs and sweated and pulled plants from their pots and look what happened!
Just like that, we have a whole new look! Why didn't we do this before? The flower beds look loved and tended and are such a more inviting walk up to our front door than the worn-out flowers of yesterday.

It wasn't until I saw these pictures on my computer that the Lord whispered something deeper than flowers to me.

A few days ago, you may have been unfortunate enough to read a mama-bear-gone-wild moment on my blog. I broke my "never post anything negative about people you know" rule and flamed someone in our life. Someone who is actually very special to us as a family.

It didn't look ugly to me. It looked real and true, and I felt it deeply. But looking back, it was uglier than ugly. It was full of thorns and absolutely no grace whatsoever. I furthered the damage in e-mail, again thinking that my words maybe weren't pleasant to hear but that they were justified.

It wasn't more than an hour until the Lord used two of my friends to steer me back to reality. At first I fought their wisdom. But then, like water seeping down into my new flowers, the truth started to sink in. I had no right to spout off like I did. A person made a mistake, and I hadn't even given him time to correct it. I spend a pretty good portion of my days teaching my children Biblical conflict resolution, and boy did I blow it when conflict blew MY way!

I sent an apology, and I hope my friends will forgive me, but I have been in serious inner turmoil for two full days. When we sin, there are consequences, and mine is knowing that I hurt people I care about. When I woke up this morning I reached for my Bible and searched for "shame". God led me to words that I desperately needed in Psalm 34. Here are snippets.

¹ I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.

² My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

³ Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.

⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

⁵ Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

⁶ This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.

⁸ Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

¹² Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,

¹³ keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.

¹⁴ Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

Just like my flower bed do-overs, I see now that I can have an attitudinal do-over too, in a way. I can return my thoughts to the Lord and his faithfulness, and from my heart of love for the Father may there be an overflow to those around me. I hope my "after" shot is half as pretty as my flowers are!

We are One

2009-06-07T14:38:00.000-07:00

Caris and I have been talking about getting her ears pierced. She's asked the same questions over and over: how much will it hurt? Will it be this fast? (clink! clink!) Will they bleed? I answered her honestly and waited for her to decide she was ready.

Daddy discouraged the whole thing. He's sort of against anything that alters the body. Piercings? Disgusting. Tattoos? Disgusting. Just leave it be, he figures. He told my boys today that if they ever get tattoos he'll spank them, no matter how old. Ha!

We went to the mall a couple days ago and since we were there, I asked if she would like to get her ears pierced. I'd always planned on having a real piercer do them - meaning, a body piercer who knows what they're doing and uses a needle instead of a gun. Then I realized that would mean taking her into a body piercing/tattoo shop, and suddenly that did not seem at all the kind of place I would take my precious little daughter. So the mall it is. Anyway, she said no.

Today I needed to go back to the mall to exchange her swimsuit, and she said she'd like to go with me and get her ears pierced. We talked and talked and talked some more until I was sure she really wanted to. I told Daddy I would only do it if it weren't busy at all and I felt comfortable with the person. His lips looked tight and straight.

We got there and it was empty. No one at all except the girl who was working, and I liked her immediately. I told her Caris would like to get her ears pierced, and she showed us to a tower of earrings used for piercing. We spun them around and around and Caris settled on a pair of tiny gold crosses. They were given the thumbs down by the piercer, who correctly guessed that Caris has sensitive skin. No steel for this little lady, only gold. Caris then decided that tiny silvery gold balls were the ticket. She asked, "Do I have to get earrings?" And even though I wanted to say, "No, of course not!" I said, "yes, you do." Because I knew that her desire for earrings outweighed her temporary nervousness.

She sat in a small black chair and the piercer was so perfect, showing Caris on her hand how the alcohol swab would feel, then the pen to mark the spot. Then it was time. She clicked the first earring in, and of course Caris flinched. Tears came to her eyes - such a slight mist I might not have even noticed, except that I'm her mother. And mothers see these things in their daughters. The piercer showed Caris her beautiful new earring and then quickly completed the set.

There is something about a shared experience with a daughter. My own day of piercing came flooding back. I remember how nervous I was, how proud and grown-up I felt when they were in. How ridiculously scared I was to have them turned the first time. And now here I am, the mother of a 6-year-old girl, old enough to decide that she would like to endure the pain of piercing so that she can wear earrings. It's surreal.

I was so proud of her! I said, "give me five, baby!"and the piercer said, "give me five too! You did so good!" She gave Caris suckers - one for herself and one for each brother. Graham was with us and the two other boys were at home. Graham looked at her wistfully and said, "Now you look like all the other girls."

I realize this post is completely stupid without pictures, but I can't find the memory card for my camera. I'll post pics ASAP. Just take it from me, she looks adorable and so, so happy!

Strange reaction

2009-06-03T07:35:00.000-07:00

Mom & Megan on our trip to the coast last September

I bugged my Mom over and over about getting BRCA testing. This is a test that would show whether she was a carrier of a genetic defect that makes one susceptible to breast and ovarian cancer. She wasn't resistant to having the testing, it's just that she has continual, ongoing medical appointments and procedures and the BRCA testing kept getting lost in the shuffle.

We talked about it quite a bit, usually with the assumption that the testing would come back positive and what that would mean for Megan and I. Obviously we would then be tested as well, and if our tests came back positive, it would mean action. We could choose to be closely monitored for breast cancer. We might choose to have prophylactic mastectomies. Surely we'd have hysterectomies, since ovarian cancer is sneaky and appears often at a young age. I told my Mom I would probably wean Canaan, get pregnant, have one more baby and out would come my womb.

Well, Mom finally had the test done. It's just a blood test, but it has to be sent to the one lab in the US that does the test itself. The lab called and told her that her portion of the test would cost $1,300. She readily agreed - a testament to the love she has for my sister and I. A $1,300 test and she didn't even blink.

Megan & me

Yesterday Mom called on my cell phone while I was on a mad dash to Wal-Mart on an unsuccessful mission to buy black baseball pants for Malachi. She wanted to let me know that the test results were in, and they were negative. She said J (our beloved assistant at the cancer center - oh, she's really more of a family friend than a medical assistant) just had to let her know, and that this is such good news for us girls, and that Dr. M, my Mom's oncologist, said, "Woo hoo hoo HOOOO!!" when he saw the results.

Wouldn't you think I'd have the same reaction? I would - but I didn't. I told my Mom I was happy about the results and that maybe it would take some time to absorb, and that at the very moment Graham's vocal ticcing was more than I could bear - and all of this was true.

After Wal-Mart we hit Big 5, called Target, and ultimately ended up driving across town to get the pants. By this time it was around 5:30 and Malachi had been expected on the field for warm-up at 5:00 for his 6:00 game. 5:00 traffic wasn't helping matters.

As we headed across town, I was just kind of vaguely thinking about the testing, the results, Dr. M and J's reactions - and before I knew it, my eyes had misted over. Then tears were streaming down. What was this? I was crying and didn't even know why. Then it hit me. In a weird way, a positive BRCA test for my Mom would have been some kind of a reason for everything she has been through. A positive test for my sister and I would have formed a solidarity about the whole stupid thing.

Mom

But instead, it's just random, and it's just my Mom. Alone. Yes, we love her and support her and go to all of these myriad appointments and procedures with her, but the battle is hers and hers alone.

I'm not sure how to process this news that is unequivocally good. I am glad my sister and I won't have to wear these results around our necks, always wondering when it might strike. But we still have to figure out how then DO we proceed medically - how much monitoring IS appropriate. I am glad that I don't feel compelled to rush out and have a hysterectomy when my husband and I long for more children.

Most of all, with the heart of a mother beating within me and the understanding that brings, I am glad my Mom doesn't have to live the rest of her life wishing she hadn't passed on such a volatile gene. I watch Graham tic and hate that I gave him that. It's ridiculous to feel that way - no one has perfect genes - but I know my Mom and the love she has for us and I know she'd feel just the same.

So I will ask the Lord for clarity today and in the good news I will rejoice.

Friday again already!

2009-05-29T14:08:00.000-07:00

I loved how Caris' hair turned out this day. Make a braid out of a small portion of hair toward the front, then make a ponytail off to one side. Braid the pony, secure with a clear rubber band. Wind into a bun and secure to the head with bobby pins. Curl the loose ends with a flatiron. CUTE!

Malachi scored the first goal of the game (and of the season, for him!) at his last indoor soccer game. Way to go, son!

We also had our first swimming day of the season at Papa and Gigi's house. Here Malachi was carrying Canaan around the shallow end. He is such a sweet brother! Today Canaan was running around nakey-buns and I said, "who gave you those cute little buns?" He said, "papa gigi give me cute buns." LOL

Sometime I should do a post with all the pictures I have of Caris like this from each year, just for growth comparison. She is such a sweetie, and man has she grown!

I thought Graham and his cousin Garrett were so cute all snuggled up in one chair together. They won't be able to do this in a few years! They're getting so big!

TS Days

2009-05-23T15:13:00.000-07:00

It has been a difficult - no, tiring - few days. Having Tourette Syndrome is one thing. Having a child with Tourette Syndrome is another. The last few days have been what I will call TS Days. TS doesn't worry about other children in the home. It doesn't mind that it's annoying everyone nonstop, all day long. It is a cruel master. Thankfully, it ebbs and flows. I know reprieve will come soon. But right now we're in its grip and at the end of the day, I am tired.

Coming up for air

2009-05-18T16:14:00.000-07:00

The last couple of weeks my family has been sick. Malachi got it first. He laid around feverish for daaaaaays. It just went on and on and on. Then, four or five days in, everyone else got it. It hit Graham the hardest, poor guy. It wasn't anything horrible and awful, but it was just so LONG. I feel like we're on quarantine, so working out how to get to the grocery store or anywhere else we need to go has been tricky.

So here are some (probably completely BORRRRIIIIIING) highlights:

Our air went out. SUCK! It's fixed now. YES!

Malachi scored a goal in his last indoor soccer game of the year! Go Malachi!!

Two nights in a row I left soccer pizza parties in a HUFF because Alif was talking WAY too long. Mature!

I'm sewing Caris a Littlest Pet Shop skirt for her to wear at her Littlest Pet Shop party. It's going slowly because I am lazy and I can only do it during her naptime. I can't wait to show you though!

Yesterday we were at my in-laws' house, which is empty because they're in China right now. We were putting their AC to good use since ours was on the fritz. While we were there I was feeling exhausted and sick and Animal Planet was on. Canaan watched with me while otters bound across snow (seriously!) and made their way to a river, where they went fishing. Canaan goes, "what that monkey doing, mommy?" It was one of his longest sentences - at least, with the words all in the right places - and also totally hilarious. I can't stop thinking about it and I laugh every time.

Also Sir Canaan did not enjoy sleeping in the extreme HEAT. I wonder if he thought we were doing something really awful to him or what he must have thought about our lack of ability to provide a comfortable sleeping environment.

Graham's tics are in full force right now, including one where he nods. His vocalizations are also on the annoying side. They never tend to be too bad for too long so hopefully soon they'll all calm down. I have to fight the urge to tell people everywhere we go that he has Tourette Syndrome. I just don't want people to think he's being annoying on purpose. I told Alif or my Mom or somebody that he & I make a great team because I have a nose-flaring tic and he keeps yelling, "happy birthday - to - youuuu!" Super freak, super freak, we're super FREAKY!

One day when Canaan was super sick he fell asleep on my bed eating a sucker. He was sitting up enjoying it, then he laid down while I read, and then he just fell asleep! Look - I have video!

Alright, I guess that's enough of my boring rambling for now. xoxo

Weight Loss Motivation

2009-05-11T22:03:00.000-07:00

I know . . .
that I am abusing my body
that I am not honoring my body as a temple
that my body will eventually grow weary of the way I'm treating it
that the changes I need to make are possible
that changing my diet will be hardest at first and then get easier
that becoming more physically active will be so rewarding
that I want to be a good example to my children of how to live a healthy, balanced lifestyle
that I want to feed my family a steady diet of nutritious foods
that I don't want to waste money on fast food or junk food
that the Lord can help me make these changes, because it's clearly in His will for me to be healthy
that I have a TON of support from my family and friends
that I can wear cuter clothes if I'm thinner
that my self-confidence skyrockets when I'm eating well and exercising
that exercise is a mood enhancer
that libido is also improved by exercise and a healthy diet (sorry Mom)
that I don't want my kids to worry about my weight
that I don't want to think about my neck rolls and tummy fat when I am talking to people
that I stay home from functions I'd otherwise enjoy because I feel too fat
that I hate how my clothes feel when they're too tight
that my feet won't hurt in the mornings if I lose weight
that losing weight reduces my risk for heart disease, cancer and any number of other ails
that being fat makes me feel totally unlike my real, core self
that I feel like a duddy person when I am feeling extra fat
that I hesitate to meet new people because of my weight
that you are probably tired of reading this list, but I just might come back and add to it as I think of more reasons I want to change my life.

Mother's Day 2009

2009-05-10T17:46:00.000-07:00

Ok, can I just go shallow for a minute here and say that my Mom is so gorgeous - just look at her!!

So anyway. It's Mother's Day. The day you hang out with your mom and eat quiche and cookies and exchange gifts and laugh all day (I started to write giggle, but in our family the women don't giggle - we flat-out LAUGH) and wash the dishes and go home happy and content and loved.

Most years.

This year, Mother's Day looks like this:
Poor Malachi is on day five of the flu. As the week wore on and his fever didn't go down, I came to the realization that this year I wouldn't be with my Mom on Mother's Day. We had a plan - church in the morning, then over to Alif's parents' house for a few hours with his Mom, then hop in the car and travel a couple hours to my sister's and be with them and my Mom the rest of the day, then return home around the kids' bedtime.

The best-laid plans . . .

So. I guess I thought that having such nice plans ruined by illness would be really upsetting. After all, the opportunities to spend time with my sister and my Mom are pretty rare, and we are as close as three peas in a pod. Add in a bunch of cousins and husbands who really enjoy each other, and you've got a super fun day. The weird thing is, though, I'm really not upset. I wish I were with my Mom and sister, no doubt about it. There's just something in my spirit that needs the quiet today, and I guess (I guess?? I *know*!) God knew that.

When Caris woke up this morning, she came out of her room with flowers in hand. She's been counting down the days until Mother's Day and to know that she planned that and couldn't wait to deliver them was so sweet.

I did go to church, and got happy news there that I can't share yet but will when I can. I walked hand-in-hand with my daughter and felt so loved and in love. We stopped on the way home and got donuts and a newspaper and orange juice. Caris gave me even more gifts (consisting of some of her toys and creations). Graham washed my car and cleaned the kitchen. Alif watched videos with me on youtube. Even Man Cold!

Then everyone went down for naps and Alif went to hang out with his Mom, and he's still there - well, he came home and got the three well children when they got up from naps. And hey - there's quiche in the oven.

Happy Mother's Day to me!!

P.S. Dear Mom, I love you more than words can say. You ARE beautiful, inside and out, and I am SO LUCKY that you're my Mom. Happy Mother's Day! I can't wait until we celebrate!

I did day one!

2009-05-08T20:01:00.001-07:00

Day One, which was not actually May 4 for me but was yesterday instead, was to clean surfaces. Get rid of the clutter, in other words. I was a little freaked out by this because clutter is my main problem and I figured it would take me forever to do just this one step. Then I decided on four main surfaces to declutter, and it wasn't so intimidating. The areas I chose were . . .

The secretary desk before:

After:

The piano before:

After:
And the buffet before:

and after:
Not bad for just an hour or so of work! Next up is the living room, which will take at least a couple days! Here's my list:
mouldings
blinds
windows
couches
fireplace
entertainment center
door
floor
ceiling fan
air vent
paint window & door trim

Spring Cleaning, Day 1

2009-05-07T08:51:00.000-07:00

I was telling Alif last night that I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by clutter. I am a clutterbug and I think probably I will always need to keep close tabs on myself in this area, because it's just my natural bent. I'm a LOT better now than I was when we first got married, but if you stop by my house unannounced, be prepared because you might walk into some clutter. Most days I keep things decently picked up, but some days it threatens to overtake us all.

I also love a Plan. So when Amanda mentioned this Spring Cleaning Party, I knew it was the place for me! A Plan already designed? "Party" in the title? A place to brag about my hard work? That's me!!

Care to join me? The party started on May 4 but I'm doing day one - surface decluttering - today.

Suffering

2009-05-04T06:20:00.000-07:00

Sadness presses in. All around me bad things happen to people I love. People who "deserve" better.

My Mom battles cancer - over and over.

A Mommy loses a baby she hasn't even met.

A wife loses her husband and children lose their Daddy - way, way too soon.

Sadness presses in. It hangs like a cloud over all the activities, the laughter, the conversations. It threatens to bring discouragement and depression.

I woke early this morning, and despite the sadness, the birds are chirping. The sun is peeking through the clouded sky. The flowers stretch heavenward, soaking in the dawning warmth.

How do we cope, Lord? How do we counter the sadness? How do we raise our heads out of this nightmare?

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:6-7

Mister Rogers and Books

2009-05-01T13:16:00.001-07:00

This is a really sweet video clip from Mister Rogers!

Also, I ordered two books today that I thought you might be interested in as well.

This one I have been seeing on crafty blogs all over blogland, and the projects created from it are so inspirational that I finally just went - you know what? It must be miiiiiine! Sort of like every time I see a fabric I totally love, I find out it's Alexander Henry. We see eye to eye, Alex and I.

This one I saw at Anthropologie in Santa Monica when I was there with my Mom and Rod last week, and knew right off that it would be the perfect thing for Graham. It's a full book of coloring inspiration - partly drawn pictures, ideas for drawing and general silliness. Graham's gonna LOVE it. Just don't tell him I ordered it - he'll have to wait for his Birthday. ;-)

Our little outing

2009-04-30T16:49:00.001-07:00

Our homeschooling group moseyed on over to a local u-pick farm today for some blueberry-picking action. Unfortunately, when we got there we learned that only strawberries were available for the pickin'. I'd really had a hankerin' for them blueberries, too. Dang! We decided to just wander around rather than shell out the $20 we'd have paid for the picking and a few other perks. There's this huge bin of corn that the kids love to play in . . .

Which, though it has some little black bugs (ew) the kids still love . . . and hey, Canaan is sans diaper on this whole trip - and DRY! Yay buddy buns!
I was also able to talk Malachi into not only POSING for a few pictures but actually SMILING in them . . . (DANG, he's handsome!)And I also un-lazy-fied myself and uploaded a few pics from yesterday's kids vs. teachers baseball game. Just look how uncharacteristically grown up Graham looks in THIS pic!
And look at Canaan's lip - that white line on his right (our left) that looks like a reflection? That's not a reflection, it's a scar from when he fell off our bed a few months ago. :*(
Baby soooo wanted to be out on that field with his Daddy. I was not fond of the idea of a baseball careening toward an unsuspecting toddler's head, however, so he had to pine away behind the fence. And look super cute doing it.

Baseball and such

2009-04-29T16:12:00.001-07:00

Last night was Graham's first baseball practice of the season. It was at a park I'd never been to before - one I had hoped NOT to go to . . . ever. Anyway. I hope to get to know some of the moms during the season, but I didn't find any feeling particularly sociable last night. Lynette suggested I go prepared with some topics for discussion next time. No actually, she DARED me to.

"Hi Moms! Since we'll all be here week after week this summer, we might as well enjoy ourselves! So here's what we're going to do . . . "

Yeah, I'd totally be the most popular baseball Mom EVER. Right?

While I sat, shivering and covered in goosebumps, I let Caris and Canaan run freely around a tree that was - oh, about 7 feet away. Heh. I looked over at Canaan and he was face to face with a kid about 50% bigger than him, and what does my doe-eyed boy do but sock the kid in the stomach. I jumped up and had Canaan apologize and then took him back to sit with Mommy for a little time-in.

"Ouuuuchie, mama! Ouuuchie!" I looked down at his legs, worried that an ant might have bitten him, but he brushed my legs with his chubby, brown little hands and said, "owie!"

I might want to shave a little more often. How embarrassing!

Speaking of baseball, today there was a kids & parents vs. teachers baseball game at the park, sponsored by our charter school. WAS IT FUN! Don't worry, I didn't play but Alif, Malachi and Graham did and they were all super cute out there. Alif is such a take-charge man and so good with kids, I was bubbling over with pride. I love being his wife! I could include a couple pictures but I'm all tired out from all the good conversation goin' on out there (no conversation starters needed!) so I'll just sign off here and go work on something - like those pj shorts I keep talking about. 3 pairs now mostly done, 2 to go!

Oh, one other thing - during the bbq part of today's baseball game, I recognized a lady that I thought I'd seen when there was a showing of Business of Being Born at a local college. This lady used to be a midwife, and her daughter was there too today. The daughter has 4 kids and is a LLL leader. Now that was some fuuuuun conversation we had going! You get me talking about homebirth, homeschooling, breastfeeding . . . yeah. I miiiiiiiiiight have been one of the VERY last to leave that bbq. ;-)

Summer Sewin'

2009-04-28T13:22:00.000-07:00

I came across what looked like a really fun sewing project yesterday - so fun, in fact, that I jumped right in! I've been wanting to make quilts for Caris and Canaan, and though this design isn't my absolute favorite, I do think it's cute and totally doable. So hooray, in a couple months' time I'll be well on my way to getting these done! Here are the first two blocks:
Last year I found myself lacking in pajama shorts. My options were: raid Alif's soccer shorts, wear too-hot pajama capris, or no pj bottoms at all which I don't enjoy. This morning I got two pairs of shorts started. By the end of today my goal is to have four pairs done. That ought to be enough! The one on the left is from a vintage sheet and the one on the right is the fabric I am tempted to use for my living room curtains. I love it so, so much. Just not sure I'll love it as curtains, and I don't want to waste it. Here are the shorts cut and sewn, just needing to be hemmed and elastic put in: