A Church for Starving Artists

Laboring This Weekend

2008-08-29T10:00:00.000-04:00

What I really want to talk about is how much I like Rachel Maddow. But for the next four weeks, I need to write this book they're expecting soon and so expect some very short posts. Maybe they'll consist of only a few words:

Membership. Ugh.
Conversation over Conversion?
Sabbath Hunger.

And what was with the Brooks and Dunn after the Obama speech last night?

Have a great weekend everyone.

An Historic Day

2008-08-28T09:02:00.000-04:00

Today is very special in our nation's history. An African-American man will accept his party's nomination for President of the United States 45 years after another African-American man spoke these stirring words from the Lincoln Memorial:

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation

where they will not be judged by the color of their skin,

but by the content of their character."

My mother celebrated her 30th birthday that day.

Today would have been her 75th. And so it's a special day in my family history too.

I've spent some time trying to figure out a good way to celebrate my mother's birthday, and for one thing, we'll do what we usually do: eat dessert for dinner at the Carlyle. (Love the chocolate waffle.) But I also decided to treat one of my favorite mothers for lunch.

It's an historic day, and a lot has changed in the past 45 years. But some things never do. Happy Birthday Mom.

Photo of the birthday girl and her FBC.

Discernment

2008-08-27T00:22:00.001-04:00

Our elders voted last night to make the coming program year A Season of Discernment for our congregation. We are about to begin a process lasting at least 9 months, if not a year, which will involve prayer and study and reflection about what God wants us to be and do next as a congregation. We will be using a tool written for New Church Development that we are adapting for becoming a new church ourselves, as a 60+ year old congregation.

If we do this poorly, it will be a waste of our time. If we do this thoughtfully, letting the Spirit do the Spirit's thing, it will be scary/exciting/energizing. And it will definitely make people angry, because it will involve death. We don't like death.

Here's the thing: every living organism has a life cycle that begins with birth and ends with death. (I shared this link last week - check out The Life Cycle Presentation - and after using it at a mini-retreat over the weekend, it seemed to be helpful.)

Churches are living organisms too and there is birth and there is death. The Church of Jesus Christ will never die -- Jesus will always have A Church. But individual congregations and denominations may indeed wither and die. Or at least facets of those congregations and denominations will have to die if those entities want to thrive and grow.

This will tick people off.

But we need to ask ourselves and each other:

Are we are willing to sacrifice the church to keep __________ alive

(or on life support)?

There are countless sacred cows we could place in that blank space. And once again, we'll need to figure out what pleases God and what merely pleases us. And I'm trusting that it's God who will let us know which is which.

The platter shown is Life Cycle by Mark Podval (2005).

Okay, I'll Play

2008-08-26T00:08:00.003-04:00

I'm not a huge meme fan because there are always other things I want to write about. But I was tagged by my WritingRev sister Ruth and can't resist this time:

The Rules of Presbymeme II
•In about 25 words each, answer the five questions below.
•Tag five Presbyterian bloggers and send them a note to let them know they were tagged.
•Be sure to link to this original post.

1) What is your favorite faith-based hymn, song or chorus?

I agree with Ruth that For All the Saints is one of the greatest hymns ever. But I also like What Does the Lord Require of You -- done well with nice a capella pipes.

2) What was the context, content and/or topic of the last sermon that truly touched, convicted, inspired, challenged, comforted and/or otherwise moved you?

Tough one. I can't offer a "last sermon heard" but I can generally say that Rob Bell still makes me nod a lot.

3) If you could have all Presbyterians read just one of your previous posts, what would it be and why?

The mom in me would have to say this one. Written a while back, but I still remember that day. But my Presbyterians-Listen-Up required reading? Maybe this one.

4) What are three PC(USA) flavored blogs you read on a regular basis?

Tribal Church by my pal Carol. Reverend Mother by the person who got be blogging. And Presbymergent - every day.

5) If the PC(USA) were a movie, what would it be and why?

I'm tempted to say Bruce Almighty, but that would be weird.

So, I'll say: Darjeeling Limited. We are on a journey in search of meaning and a real spiritual experience, but it's hard to do this when 1) we are so completely dysfunctional (thank you Wes Anderson) and 2) we're carrying around a lot of beautiful baggage that has GOT to be ditched.

I TAG:

Craig Williams, Neil Craigan, Laura Cunningham, Kerri Peterson-Davis, Wendy Bailey.

Everyday Racists

2008-08-25T01:21:00.000-04:00

It's said that Sunday at 11 AM is the most segregated hour of the week in the United States. I think MLK Jr. is credited for that one. And it's still true for most of our churches.

To be perfectly honest, I'm not terribly worried about this because it often has to do with worship tradition more than race. Our Presbytery planted a new church a few years ago that was intended specifically for African-Americans in an area which is predominantly African-American. Non-African Americans are surely welcomed but the preaching style and the music are generally in keeping with what is traditional African American preaching and music in this country.

The congregation I serve includes mostly white people along with several African-Americans, African- Africans, Asian-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, Middle-Eastern-Americans, and at least one person from Finland. But our diversity has more to do with theology, politics, socio-economics, age, and marital status than race.

Still, our congregation has its racist moments. I have stories that I won't get into here, but I'm telling you, we have our racist moments.

Nevertheless, there is a lack of awareness -- almost an innocence -- in our racism. We do not have overtly mean, stupid people in our congregation, and I'm trusting that you don't have overtly mean, stupid people in your congregations either. (Note: I'm assuming that readers of this blog are uncommonly sophisticated and thoughtful. :)

Anyway . . . because a black man is about to accept his party's nomination for President of the United States, there are some outrageous products now available and my hunch is that somebody is buying them. I wouldn't even be surprised if those consumers are members of congregations that profess Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

I was going to display a mosaic of some of the more shocking offerings available on the internet, but you can see for yourselves the ones that Radar magazine found here.

Some people are buying them as a joke. Some are dead serious. Maybe I'm naive, but I don't think most people would dare wear or use these items out in public around strangers. But at home? Oh yeah.

Maybe we will elect a black man to be the next president and maybe we won't. But we need to be a better church on this topic.

Someone recently told me at the College of William and Mary that "Indians (meaning people from India) love to join fraternities." Huh? What a weird thing to say.

Sort of like "White People love A Prairie Home Companion" or "Asian People love Hollister." I'll bet I can find an Asian person who has never been in a Hollister store. And I know for a fact that my former brother-in-law was no Garrison Keillor fan. And for the record, I went to seminary with a black guy from South Dakota who was a terrible basketball player.

The answer in terms of understanding each other is having real relationships. Having six African-American members in a congregation means nothing (and it especially doesn't mean that we are to be congratulated for being so "diverse.") But getting to know what makes these and others special, what makes them worried, what makes them laugh -- that's the church I want to be a part of.

Imagine the difference it would make if we knew the woman sitting next to us on the pew well enough to know that she was struggling with infertility. Maybe we'd forget to notice or care about her race. What if we knew that the man with the lovely tenor voice in the choir just lost his job? Nobody would really care that his skin is brown.

Followers of Jesus have got to take the lead on speaking out when stereotypes are perpetuated - especially in our congregations. Or when certain races or nationalities are lumped together and branded. Or when the sweet lady in the Women's Circle makes a comment about "those people."

The pin shown was available at the Texas GOP Convention in June from one of the vendors according to this news report.

SBC's New Tribe

2008-08-23T08:17:00.003-04:00

The roommate is great. A lovely young man with excellent parents with whom we had lunch at the college mess hall - or whatever they call it at William & Mary. (Or "Mary & William" as one shirt declares.)

After an easy move into "one of the oldest women's dorms on campus" - which now has a layer of testoterone between two women's floors - the new students went one way and the parents were directed towards another. We wish someone had told us that this is when we should say "good-bye." Thinking there would be time for parting photos and hugs at the end of the day, we paid a brief, awkward farewell-for-now in the middle of a crowd and headed home.

It's amazing to realize that Thomas Jefferson once slept on the third floor of the Wren Building as a freshman. Our SBC is just happy to have a top bunk, sharing a room with a young man whose murti sits on his desk while SBC's Wii sits in a revered place on his.

Yesterday was good.

Photo from inside Wren Chapel.

Another Good-bye

2008-08-22T00:28:00.003-04:00

When SBC was born, he was 12 days overdue and even after a double dose of Pitocin, he wasn't interested in coming out. To this day, he remains a homebody.

When he was a toddler, he almost drowned after I accidently locked him in the bathroom with the water running while he was sitting in the tub. (He told me years later - when he could talk - that "the angels told him that if he kept looking up, he'd be okay.") Today, he's not sure what he believes about God.

When we went for Parent-Teacher Conferences in elementary school, the teacher always cried. When we went to Parent-Teacher Conferences in high school, I was the one who cried.

"What will become of this child?" I wondered.

It could have gone either way.

When he got into college way back in December 2007, we were not surprised. We stopped worrying a little. I, for one, didn't think I'd miss him much. He's so quiet that things won't feel so different, probably.

I was wrong.

SBC goes to college this morning and my heart is heavy. He is a lovely, sweet, smart, sensitive guy. But there is so much I haven't taught him because, through the years, he sometimes seemed overwhelmed by the most basic practical tasks. He reminded me yesterday that he has no idea what to do with Clorox. For the record, he also doesn't know how to grill steaks, make a pitcher of iced tea, or sew on a button. But he's writing a book.

Today he goes to college. And maybe he'll major in English or history or linguistics or political science. Or maybe not.

If Facebook photos are to be trusted, his roommate looks like a violinist who enjoys beer. SBC is a writer who enjoys Hardball. This should be interesting.

Maybe, as I leave our boy in Williamsburg, I won't drown if I just keep looking up.

Sharing Secrets

2008-08-21T00:22:00.005-04:00

Several times in my ministry, someone has shared a Big Secret and then vanished. Maybe this is why people share them with strangers on airplanes that they'll never see again. And maybe this is why certain websites are so popular.

People need to disclose their secrets to be whole or to move on in some cases. But many don't want their closest friends in on the realities of their lives. Maybe this is somewhat a generational phenomenon. Or maybe not.

I've observed women "of a certain age" in my community who have been Best Friends Forever - raising their children together, playing bridge or going out "to the club" or having coffee together each week. They know each others favorite recipes and hometowns and shoe sizes. But they don't know that R.'s son was hospitalized after trying to commit suicide, or that A's father went to prison, or that at least three of them were victims of incest long, long ago.

I think this is weird. If they are truly friends, why would they withhold such things? I'm not interested in baring the darkest corners of my soul on Jerry Springer - or even in a sermon - but there are definitely people who know my stuff.

And so, as a pastor, every once in a while, someone will get up the nerve to confess that he is a sex addict or she is sleeping with her married boss or he has a child with his grown daughter's college roommate's sister. And then they vanish, perhaps too mortified to face the one who knows, which is harder than praying to The One who knows. But nothing changes without letting someone in on The Secret - whether it's a secret habit that we'd like to shake or a secret burden that's crushing us or a secret hurt that makes everything hard.

This is what the church is supposed to be about. A hospital for sinners. A community in which friends are willing to drop you through the roof if it would give you the chance to be healed. A gathering that welcomes even the scuzzy and the shady and the secret sufferers.

Slowly dying - I hope - is the church that requires everybody to be shiny and problem-free. Slowly dying is the church that expects everyone to look good whether or not you are good. Until we form true spiritual communities - instead of spiritul clubs - it won't be easy to be transformed from hurting/broken/sick people into the people God made us to be. At least, that's what I think as I got stood up yesterday by someone who told me she needed to share a personal secret. It must have been too scary.

The Trek

2008-08-20T04:28:00.001-04:00

It's not exactly the 40 year route from Egypt to Canaan, but clearly they could have chosen an easier, more direct path. FBC is leaving for his second year of college today and I'm clearly up at an unreasonable hour unable to sleep. Sort of like last year as he was leaving for his first year of college.

This year though, he travels by Penske Truck with his own bedroom furniture. His pal W. from Austin will make this trek with him and they have made the truck their own: bobble head Jesus is on the dashboard and a Rock Me Sexy Jesus air freshener - courtesy of my colleague M. - has made the cabin smell oh so sweet. There are supplies of cookies (homemade and Milano), Swedish Fish, chips, and a cooler filled with Dr. Pepper and oj.

They'll leave here to go towards Austin by way of New Jersey to pick up a friend's furniture, then on to Ohio to pick up another friend's furniture, and then to Memphis, Texarkana, and finally "home." FBC called Austin "home" yesterday -- so excited to return to the land of Ruby's Bar-B-Q and the Alamo Cinema & Draft House. I may as well have my own chapter of Necessary Losses -- a book our "Young Clergy" group read together, long before I was married much less somebody's mother.

These little deaths are tough emotionally, but we have to have them. HH and I are so grateful that our children are getting to go exactly where they want to go to college. But TBC looks a bit forlorn at the thought of being an only child and we won't even be able to go into FBC's bedroom and sit on his bed taking in the aura that is FBC. His room will have no furniture until we replace his Pine Factory bed with something comfier for guests.

I was talking with M. - the purveyor of RMSJ rubber bracelets to go with the air freshener -- yesterday about the discernment process as our congregation ponders -- not even "becoming a new church" but simply entering into a time of discernment about becoming a new church. It's scary.

In the hopes of quickly figuring out where we are supposed to go as a congregation, we've often tried to choose the easy way. Maybe God would make it very clear with little effort on our part. Sadly (but not surprisingly) it's usually not easy discerning God's will. It takes time and the most traumatic part is that Something Is Going To Die along the way. We know this on some level. Scares the daylights out of most people.

It's so easy to go along our merry way, continuing to do what we usually do. Maybe we know it's unsatisfying. It might even eat at us a little - how a certain event or program feels more like a rote exercise than a transforming experience. We like our comfort zones.

We watch ourselves go in circles. We go through rough patches and nobody addresses the deeper meaning.

Any congregation seeking to follow Jesus in a new way faces a difficult - and yet exciting - journey. And the truth is that Something Is Going To Die. Maybe it's a long-standing Bible study that has met for years but somehow suffocates the congregation. Maybe it's the leadership of certain people or a practice "we do every year." Maybe it's the pastor. It's all part of the trek.

So in about 30 minutes, this man-child I love will set out with his friend to go north before heading south. It doesn't make any sense to me, but it makes perfect sense to him. Part of me dies realizing that he is about to create a home with four others that will not be my home with him.

Living in a dorm was a taste of that. Living in an apartment takes his independence to a new level. But this is a necessary loss so that he can become the person God created him to be. The church is like this too - if only we'll let go.

More About "Membership"

2008-08-19T00:54:00.004-04:00

Our wonderful new treasurer wants to talk soon about "membership" - as in financial contributions made by official church members versus financial contributions made by non-members. Yes, it's all money. But there are administrative differences. Is that necessary?

Our staff (volunteer and paid ministers/coordinators/honchos) met for half-price burgers last night and the issue of "membership" came up again. What to do about people who want to make a commitment and not "join"? What if "membership" feels like "old church" to them? They want spiritual community, but having their names on rolls doesn't mean anything.

Our denomination seems obsessed with numbers. And we aren't the only ones.

So . . . is membership about paying dues (versus radical sharing) and attendance (as if showing up is all we ask) and fulfilling a duty (as opposed to being called) and making a commitment to an institution (versus making a commitment to follow Christ)?

I have a feeling that this will be one of the key issues of my own denomination - the PCUSA - as we focus on transforming people - and the church in general in the coming years. "Membership" as a classification and requirement is different in the 21st Century. I've written about this before. And I've not come up with profound answers but I know what I don't want.

What we don't want IMHO:

Levels of commitment that sound like a 21st Century version of Interior Castle. The closer we get to God, the closer we are to some kind of "inner circle" or inner sanctum or holy of holies. We'd have our nominal members, our gold star members, whatever. Yuck.

Membership that feels like a club, as if merely having one's name on the rolls means anything. Matching polo shirts can't be far behind.

Total anarchy. I'd like the leaders of our spiritual community to make a commitment to God, yes, but also to make a commitment to the community itself in terms of caring for each other, equipping each other, etc.

Members in the PCUSA are entitled to vote in meetings and hold office but that's not a great incentive it seems. In our congregation we have at least two officers in our Presbyterian Women's organization who are not members of our particular congregation. We have volunteer staffers who are not members. We got permission to elect a clerk of session who is not a member; she's an affiliate member but this means she can't vote in meetings. All these people are gifted and called to serve, and they are a blessing to our community.

So what does membership mean? Any thoughts?

Photo of 1921 membership book of Mt. Bethel United Methodist Church, Cobb County, GA.

A Babette's Feast Moment

2008-08-17T22:31:00.000-04:00

It was a good day.

I would be happy to officiate ten weddings like the wedding I officiated today for every other wedding that is perfectly choreographed and coordinated on other days.

We got started a little late because the bride didn't arrive until ten minutes before the nuptials wearing her veil . . . and a t-shirt and jeans. And the parents of the bride were late. And the groom had some personal matters that kept us from getting into the sanctuary promptly after the mothers were seated. And I forgot to mention "no pictures during the speaking part of the service" making for a paparazzi moment during the vows. And the ceremony lasted all of five minutes - which I'd normally think indicated a lack of theological seriousness.

And yet . . . this was an extraordinary wedding.

Two people were redeemed after some earlier mistakes in life. One hails from the West Coast. The other is originally from South America. Sparks first flew over shared music and appreciation for friendship. And while both appear to traditional church folk as outsiders with their multiple piercings and a "dude" mentality, they are so obviously real and faithful. And today they got married.

And then we celebrated with a breathtakingly delicious meal surrounded by friends and family in a lovely setting on K Street. It's a day like this that makes me so humbled and happy to be a professional minister. And it reminds me that ministry is not about what seems to be true, but what is really true.

Weekend Ponderings

2008-08-16T00:33:00.000-04:00

It's been a long week, doing things they don't teach in seminary:

- having a long, friendly conversation with The Commonwealth's Attorney regarding whether or not I can be sued for trying to keep a parishioner from killing someone.

- teaching an office volunteer that we don't take grocery list orders from cold callers in need who also wonders if we "deliver."

- trying to calm a frustrated worshipper who wishes I'd stop in the middle of a sermon if parents are unable to control their youngster who seems to be having an Olympic (high hurdles) moment in the pews . . . like last weekend.

What I've learned:

- Anybody can sue me whether they have a case or not.

- There is a positive correlation between the outrageousness quotient of a cold caller and the likelihood he will hang up on someone who says, "We'll need more information."

- Kids are kids and sometimes they climb things.

As the weekend begins, I am moved by the poetry of life:

- Hearing Mark Spitz beautifully reflect on the achievements of the awesome/freak of nature Michael Phelps.

- Remembering Ethel Brumley -- the nursery worker who signed my "cradle roll" certificate a while back, in reflecting on HCHTM's last stint as our Ask The Matriarch editor which reminds me of the cool thing about being a part of the RevGals blog ring which reminds me of the face-to-face connections I've made because of blogging which remind me of how much I love The Church. (Like I said, it's been a long week and so I ramble.)

- Bernie Mac and Mahmud Darwish died recently. One everybody knew. One was revered only in Palestine. A much-loved friend of mine turned 90. Another friend will be 93 soon. Life is strange.

It's also a good weekend for making commitments. One friend will be officiating a wedding that KB was supposed to do. And I'll be officiating a long-awaited wedding for a lovely couple as well. Again, life is strange and curious and wonderful.

Have a great weekend.

Photo of a young Mark Spitz by Terry O'Neill and an older Mark Spitz by MJ Kim, both for Getty Images.

(What Might Seem Like) Fighting Words

2008-08-15T09:11:00.004-04:00

I spent last evening with about 27 women at the Annual Meeting of Presbyterian Women in our congregation. This was a bigger crowd than usual.

We celebrated the birthdays of two beloved nonagenarians. Installed new officers. Looked at PW's annual budget for the coming year. Ate summer salads. Lovely time.

But I tossed and turned most of the night pondering several things. These may seem to be fighting words. But it's not my intention to challenge the importance of the women in our congregation. Still . . . the Women's Groups are among the most sacred of cows in formerly Mainline Churches and they tend to be immune from some of these questions.

"Presbyterian Women" in the PCUSA is what we call the women's organization that got its start some 200 years ago under other earlier names. It was founded as a counter cultural entity giving women a voice when women were not permitted to serve as leaders in the church, or anywhere. These Women's Groups historically had their own officers, their own budget, their own mission, apart from the congregational officers, budget, and mission.

The national organization of PW has encouraged the local groups to work hard to be "out there" -- keep PW (the organization) in the spotlight, make multiple announcements promoting PW activities, ensure that PW is included in every aspect of congregational life. But it makes me want to ask: What is this really about? (always a good question) Is this about perpetuating the institution of PW? Or is this about growing the Kingdom of God?

Imagine if someone said: "We have been very successful. We have fully engaged women in our churches and they are now a part of every aspect of ministry, so we are going to set them free to do just that. Now we are going to beat the pavement to follow Jesus: where we work, live, play -- we are going to be instruments of healing and love and hospitality."

It seems somewhat odd today to have a national women's group in a denomination which not only welcomes women's leadership but is somewhat concerned that ministry is increasingly "women's work." According to this 2006 article, 51% of seminarians are women.

PW is no longer counter cultural. In fact, I could close my eyes and imagine sitting in a Circle Meeting in my grandmother's living room last night. Same Bible studies. Same projects. Same conversations.

Clearly there are long-standing relationships in PW that are treasured and PW supports many good things. But more than a few congregations have long abandoned Circles and any official connection to "Presbyterian Women" as a denominational organization.

I'd love to hear about your congregation's current participation in your denomination's official women's organization: PW, Women of the Church, or whatever it is you call this group.

Is this more of a generational thing? My PW friends would say, "No." PW is always trying to recruit young women to participate. But a common understanding is that this is an organization for the oldest generation of women in the church.

Would women not be recognized or cared for without denominational women's organizations? I believe they would be cared for. The caregiving shared in our congregation comes through both the intentional outreach of deacons as caregivers and elders as spiritual leaders . . . or through new and old friendships established by simply being together.

I love the women in PW. They are among my closest friends in our congregation. It's the organization that makes me wonder, just as I wonder about other women's organizations (which like men's organizations -- Kiwanis Club, Elks Club -- find it difficult to engage younger generations.)

Anybody want to share your thoughts?

Photo of quilt made by Presbyterian Women in Oregon.

Clearing Out

2008-08-14T00:29:00.001-04:00

Our house looks like a cyclone hit.

This is what my mom used to say when things were messy and, while it's surely offensive considering the places where real cyclones have hit, we are in the throes of moving FBC and SBC out of the house and off to college next week. And the house is a wreck.

After a summer of repeating, "Could you guys get started clearing out your rooms and deciding what to toss and what to keep?" I've realized a simple truth. It is apparently impossible go through this clearing out process without someone to stand there and affirm one of three choices to be discerned:

Keep it.
Throw it away.
Give it away.

That's where I come in as the mom. My job seems to be to stand there and affirm that they've made good choices.

Even our tough guy SBC admitted that this is a heart-tugging process. We've come across lots of junk and lots of treasure - both of which inspire memories. We've taken a good hard look at things that we've vaguely noticed piled in the closet, but we haven't Really Looked At Those Things lately: the handmade papier mache Snoopy head worn for Halloween in 4th Grade, Beanie Babies (cool ones like the alligator), old lacrosse sticks. Those were all keepers -- no longer used but saved because SBC just can't part with them quite yet.

And so it goes with the church too. Occasionally during the life cycle of a congregation*, we need to take a good hard look at the junk and the treasure and discern which is which. Much of it inspires lovely memories: a bulletin from the days when the choir toured in Europe, photos from the Women of the Bible fashion show, notes from the Fall Fun Fair. Those were the days.

But not having a European tour-worthy choir or enough women interested in donning Ruthwear or the energy to set up a velcro wall and moon bounce for the locals is not necessarily a bad thing. Were those events spiritually transformative? Were relationships deepened? Was authentic hospitality practiced? Maybe yes and maybe no.

I find that, as we discern how we will be the church in the future, we must take a good hard look at our current practices/values/priorities and make one of three choices:

Keep it.
Throw it away.
Give it away.

That's where I come in as their pastor. Sometimes I cringe when they want to keep practices that don't work anymore. Sometimes I applaud as they take risks to give away the old and try something new. My role is to ask questions that help with the process.

I am the one more likely to say, "Do we still need that?" And it's not about being sentimental or survivalist. It's about being faithful -- or at least trying to be faithful. After a long night of this in SBC's bedroom, I know I'm exhausted emotionally. It's not easy accepting the fact that it's time for the ketchup t-shirt to go. Or the spring strawberry festival.

*The Episcopal Church has a good powerpoint on the life cycles of a congregation that can be found here.

Religious Labels

2008-08-13T04:58:00.006-04:00

There have been times when I've identified myself as "a Christian" to someone. And then I notice from the look on that person's face that she's picturing Jerry Falwell, and so I defensively add "but not that kind of Christian." I used to feel guilty about this, but now I see it as educating someone. Not all Christians are the same. Not all Jews/Muslims/Rastafarians are the same.

I'm convinced that one reason for our brutal cultural divides is the fact that we label each other and then write each other off because it's easy. (So easy to peg someone with any of those bumper stickers.)

And take Rielle Hunter - who has enough to worry about without people also calling her flaky. Now, in addition to being called a mistress - which is such a weird term especially because there isn't a good comparable term for a man* -- Hunter has been labeled a "seeker and New Age spiritualist" which makes some of us picture unicorns.

The truth is that my own spiritual tradition is considered to be "lifeless" or "archaic" depending on who's doing the labeling. Just recently, someone responded to the news that I was Presbyterian by asking why "we don't take responsibility for our own actions." (A misunderstanding about predestination)

I know people who call themselves shamans, seers, Conservative Muslims, or Traditionalist Catholics, and it's painfully easy for me to peg every one of them. But I'm working on not doing this because it keeps me from taking them seriously and the truth is that I genuinely like and love them as people.

This is not to say that I've conquered the habit. There are still some faith practices that make me wince/roll my eyes/wonder what the heck they are thinking. But then again, people used to think Christians were cannibals. And those Baptist Christians . . .

* Best/most precise term I've read lately: Brotherhood of the Traveling Pants.

Cheerleader Churchleader

2008-08-12T08:43:00.006-04:00

At the request of ceemac (previous day's commenter): more about cheerleader-pastors.

I suspect my kids are somewhat mortified that this was the sole athletic activity of my high school career but again, we pre-Title 9 girls had few other choices beyond intramurals which didn't even get their own uniforms. (And who doesn't love a uniform?)

Although I myself was once ashamed to admit that I once donned pom poms and danced to the beat of a marching band, my shame was lessened when I realized that I Was Not Alone. I don't know if Joan Gray ever yelled S-U-C-C-E-S-S through a megaphone, but I happen to know that my friend Susan Andrews did. It gave great comfort to read that when Susan's hometown newspaper in California reported that she had been elected moderator of the PCUSA, they mentioned her days as a local High School Cheerleader. (Note to Bruce Reyes-Chow: any cheerleading experience in your resume?)

So, here I am subjecting myself to your ridicule (Head Cheerleader, Chapel Hill High School '74) asking for you to fess up if you too know the thrill of running out into a high school football stadium with say, 100 people in the stands. (This was Chapel Hill after all, and high school sports usually didn't fill the bleachers at least in those days, since everybody went to college games the next day.)

Here they are: Transferable Cheerleading Skills I Have Learned Which Help in Church Leading:

1. Have faith. Do you believe in miracles?

2. You can make a fool of yourself when you stand up in front of the crowd, but just don't be fake. I can't dance like Janet Jackson and I can't preach like MLK Jr, but that's okay.

3. People need to be cheered on. One of the finest things about ministry is encouraging those who are called to serve in some new way. (e.g. "You can do it.").

4. Even shy, self-conscious people can be leaders if they really believe in what they are doing/saying. It's okay to have stage fright.

5. It's not about sex, but some people will make it about sex. Don't get me started.

6. Some people sign up for the accoutrements (uniform, pom poms.) But it isn't about the robe and collar.

With all due respect to Claire in Heroes, sometimes it's the cheerleader who can help save a troubled soul with an authentic "we can do this." Any other former (or current) cheerleaders want to weigh in?

Olympic Girls

2008-08-11T00:03:00.004-04:00

Title 9 became the law when I was a junior in high school. Bummer.

It was a little late to begin an athletic career beyond cheerleading, but - strangely - cheerleading was actually a great training ground for the ministry. I can't tell you how many pre-Title 9 clergywomen I know who were cheerleaders. We should have our own Facebook Group.

One of the great things about living in Our Nation's Capital is the opportunity to attend Big Deal Events. Several years ago, our family attended a wholesome White House thing for famous athletes and assorted other people (like us.)

We got to attend and lots of us (along with some of the athletes) found ourselves Outside the Gates because our security clearances didn't actually "clear." I treasure this conversation as we waited to enter:

TBC (at about age 11 to person sitting on bench beside her): Hi.

Unknown Adult Woman: Hi.

TBC: You play any sports?

UAW: Yeah. You?

TBC: I'm pretty good at soccer. What's your sport?

UAW: I'm pretty good at track.

TBC: Nice.

I observed this conversation while quietly freaking out because I recognized UAW and couldn't wait until the day when I could relate this conversation to TBC and it would mean something to her.

Advancements for women in sports has paralleled advancement for women in ministry, interesting enough. As I've watched Natalie Coughlin and Libby Trickett and Shawn Johnson, I've also learned that a young woman I love who grew up in a church which allowed women to teach Sunday School (if they were good) believes God might be calling her to seminary.

[It's incredibly interesting to me to know people who don't believe that women are called to professional ministry who have daughters who are in fact called to professional ministry. Have you also noticed how many people expend great energy fighting the ordination of GBLT Christians whose children happen to be GBLT Christians? It's as if God says, "You don't appreciate gay people in the church? Meet your son."]

I love it when God does this. And I'm (surprisingly) loving the Olympics. Didn't want to give China the attention, but it's really cool. Strong, fast, muscular, awesome women doing what they were born to do.

While I Was On Vacation . . .

2008-08-09T22:43:00.002-04:00

we collected shark teeth fossils and sea glass
we relaxed and tried not to think about work
our new church office manager (seems to have) quit*

One of the things they don't teach in seminary is now much time and energy will be needed to fashion a church staff. By church staff I'm talking about everybody from professional/paid ministers (worship leaders, musicians, educators) to support staff (office administrators, sextons, nursery workers) to passionate volunteer ministers (running mission, education, communication, stewardship, etc.).

The most emotionally draining/sleep depriving personnel issues, of course, involve sexual/financial misconduct. But even the most basic hiring needs are incredibly energy consuming. We all want a person who is called to serve in a particular ministry. We want people who understand their work as a calling.

One of the underrated joys of church life: a happy, fully-filled staff.

Sadly, this is a rare occurence. There is always an opening that keeps things . . . well . . . open. On any given day, the average congregation is searching for the right Youth Pastor. Or Treasurer. Or person to mow the grass . . .

. . . which leads me to the arduous search for shark teeth fossils and rest on vacation. Both were indeed found in abundance on this vacation. And now, back into the ecclesiastical whirlwind.

*The lovely person we newly hired who had staffed our office for four sweet days bolted/vanished while I was on vacation. Not even a Post-It note on the computer screen. She just didn't show up. The clue that she has not been abducted or worse: she de-friended me on Facebook.

Vacation Bound

2008-08-02T03:38:00.003-04:00

I'm traveling with family to a place where wifi spots are rare and so you'll hear from me in about a week.

May you also get a vacation soon.

Generations and Commitment

2008-07-31T00:14:00.002-04:00

Conversation from last Sunday morning:

Me (after worship during brunch): On any given Sunday, at least a fourth of those who gather for worship with us are "regulars" but not "members" of our congregation. Nor do they have much of a desire or urgency to "join."

Long time member: It's because they don't have any commitment.

Me: (dumb/pondering look on my face)

I thought about that comment for a while, trying to figure out why it felt so wrong. I've written about membership before. Today I'm thinking about commitment.

The people who regularly worship with us are very committed. It's just that the focus of their commitment varies. And while the variations seem to be a generational thing, the generations are not necessarily related to chronological age.

Our oldest members (sometimes called The Builder Generation) are extremely committed to institutions. They will generously donate money to replace the boiler or re-seal the basement but will think twice before donating money for a mission trip or new staff position. This is a generalization to be sure. But we've found it to be true for us.

Our most active/faithful 20 and 30-somethings (and some 40 and 50-somethings) are not at all committed to institutions. They are committed to Jesus, committed to service, committed to hands-on, life-changing work. But they are not committed to the institution of The Church. They don't care about Presbyterian versus Lutheran. They don't care about sitting through committee meetings.

They care about real faith versus (seemingly) fake faith. They care about visible results.

It occurs to be that we would benefit as a church by comparing notes and sharing our passions with each other without making judgements or casting blame. If we use our buildings as a tool for ministry, we are going to need to replace doors occasionally. But without a Make-Disciples Vision, we serve something besides God. Frankly, I'd love to have a congregation full of non-members if they were committed to making the world more heavenly for everyone.

Photograph of the crumbling St. Gregory's Church in the ancient town of Ani, Turkey.

The Big Sort

2008-07-30T00:08:00.004-04:00

Bill Bishop was on The Daily Show last night talking about The Big Sort. Super interesting.

He was saying that we have politically segregated ourselves, for example, in that we vote for people who are like us, who live like we live. We aren't interested in electing a stranger.

We watch news shows that reinforce what we already believe. We read magazines that reinforce what we already believe. We move into neighborhoods side by side with people who see the world as we see it.

We increasingly connect with communities that reinforce the way we already are. And if we do this long enough, we become more radicalized because we don't have to moderate ourselves anymore. Brilliant. (HH mentioned that former Senator Bill Brock spoke about this at a bipartisan forum this past January, echoing an article Brock wrote a few years ago.)

So, let's think about our worship communities. Is everybody in our congregations voting for Obama? For McCain?

Is everybody pro-life? Does everybody have an advanced degree? Does everyone drive an SUV? Is everyone living in a similar type of home? Dress alike? Read the same books?

I'm thinking that if people are coming from east and west and north and south to sit at the Lord's table, they can't all live in the same neighborhood and belong to the same pool. This could very well be one of the greatest gifts that the 21st Century Church could give to our culture: that we show people how to love their enemies, cross boundaries, welcome the stranger all in the name of Jesus. We have got to pray with people who are our theological and political opposites.

Sometimes it makes me tired to think about having coffee with someone who believes women cannot serve in professional ministry, for example. I'm weary of that battle. Sometimes I hear myself saying, "I'm too old to keep fighting that fight. I want to settle into a comfortable place and relax among likeminded friends." But this is not Biblical. Jesus never did this.

We can't love people if we don't know them. And this is not a matter of getting to know "the enemy" so we can defeat them down the road. It's a matter of becoming a church that looks something like the kingdom of God.

Painting is Ancient Mosaic by Patsy Smith.

The Process

2008-07-29T00:39:00.004-04:00

. . .what you need to do is to have big chunks of time during the day when all you're doing is thinking.

It was interesting to read the transcript of the unwittingly miked Barack Obama and David Cameron last week. Actually it's not certain that Obama and Cameron didn't know their conversation was being overheard.

One of the things we didn't learn in seminary was the importance of process time. This is related to the earlier conversation about shifting gears.

When a regular work day requires dramatic shifts from the overtly sacred (a memorial service) to the sacred-but-seems-mundane (clearing out a closet) to the ridiculous (watching VBS video with a chipmunk puppet) to the excruciating (sitting in waiting room while child is in surgery) to the surreal (spreading human ashes) to the trivial (searching church records for personnel policy changes) there needs to be time to sit and ponder what it all means.
This is true if you are President of the United States or President of the PTA. Or a church leader.

It used to be true that when our elders met, we'd spend time talking about paint colors and where to hang coats. Now we try to spend more time looking at the big picture. Does the budget reflect our core values? Does the church calendar?

Tonight we talked about these things:

Do we see ourselves more as institutional leaders or spiritual leaders?

Do we sufficiently set our staff free to serve as they are called, within our budget and values?

Do we trust each other? (e.g. Does the congregation trust the session? Does the Presbytery trust the Presbytery Committees?)

I find that I hestitate to keep us talking long into the night, knowing that everybody's had a very full day. But we need this time to process what's going on. And we could use more time to sit and pray. We generally don't do that very well.

But it's true: we need big chunks of time during the day when all we're doing is thinking. Or praying.

Shifting

2008-07-28T07:51:00.002-04:00

So much I want to write about today after a 2 hour memorial service for our friend KB yesterday. Totems. Warrior Stances. Golden toenails. The post-memorial feast at Busboys.

But I'm headed to Vacation Bible School. A bit of a dramatic shift.

More later.

Self-Care

2008-07-25T07:18:00.003-04:00

Our Presbytery encourages/directs clergy to take care of ourselves. Some people do it by going to the gym everyday. Others by getting pedicures or back rubs occasionally. And some don't take care of themselves at all, for a variety of reasons.

Yesterday was a good day of self-care - at least for some of the day. There will always be laundry to do and car repairs to schedule, but there's nothing like a real day off. It had been a while since I'd taken one, so I'm taking another one today.

What do you do for self care? What do you wish you could do?

"We Lost the Cobbler"

2008-07-24T07:58:00.003-04:00

So that we could attend an event with TBC, our boys - FBC & SBC - took a semi-homecooked dinner over to friends who needed dinner. But just as our event was starting on one side of town, we got a phone call from FBC on the other side of town. "We lost the cobbler," he said.

There'd been a fender bender with tourists from Illinois. Cobbler everywhere. Melted ice cream by the time the police came and papers were exchanged.

We'd worked hard on the cobbler, if you measure "working hard" by how we usually go about making dessert: with a mix or more likely, a trip to the drive-thru Baskin Robbins window. Peaches had been sliced. Sugar and flour had been lovingly mixed. The joy of good smells from our kitchen were surpassed only by the anticipation of how good they would smell to the receivers of said cobbler.

But considering the losses of the week, losing a peach cobbler didn't matter much. All perspective changes when you lose a loved one.

Today: a blessed day off, a little time in the sun reading, some exercise, a pedicure with gold nail polish in honor of KB. And if there's time: we bake another cobbler.