Organic-Ally

She's only two (Part 2)

2009-07-10T20:19:00.002+01:00

Last Toddlers session this morning for this school year. My son came along to help with the 'money-changing'. He's very good at this.

I was wondering if Mum-without-a-clue ("G") would turn up. Childminder ("J") was there and said, "O dear! Maybe she won't come again. But her girl needs to keep coming here."

Mum with blonde hair (let's call her "B") arrived. She told me that we have better watch out for "that little girl" ("M"). She could see her, she said.

"Where?" I asked. My responsibility was to check in parents and toddlers and any visitors. I need to account for every person who is in the building for health and safety reasons. In the event of a fire I am to blow the whistle, lead the folk to safety. Most importantly I must grab all the attendance cards with me so that I could account for everyone.

I hadn't seen M.

"There she is in that blue dress."

"That's not her."

B saw the back of a little Asian girl with jet black hair and assumed that that was M. Immediately a bell rang in my head: Wait. You did not even bother to see the little girl's face and you are making an assumption.

When things quietened down and my son and I had a breather from checking folk in, signing out parking permits, collecting money and giving the correct change, registering new families, etc. Mum G turned up with M.

I was really pleased to see her. But as usual, she did not wait for me to check them in properly and plonked down £1 coin on the desk. First of all it's £1.50 please. Secondly, please do not just slap the coin down on the desk. Please give it to my son, who's the 'treasurer' today.

Anyway I then talked to her about my plan. J has agreed to shadow G for the morning and quietly give her pointers on how to control M. That is, if G would agree to that.

She checked that it was to take place at the session, not at home, etc.

I introduced the two ladies and assured G that J will never touch her child and left them.

Some time later J came along and said "the mum's not listening", but proceeded to write her contact details for G to contact her, just in case.

On further probing it appears that the Mum IS trying. But she is totally unaware that she could use different 'voices' to indicate her feelings to her child. When J told her to say something to M, she did, but in a voice that does not reflect her own authority.

J was certain that little girl M is a very jealous girl and the mum would be in trouble when the baby arrives. UNLESS she gets some help. Mum assumes that she would be able to cope with baby arrives.

I was going, "O no! If she blows and the child is hurt Social Services will remove her, and the baby ...."

At the end of the session I was able to have a brief chat with G. She did not indicate any negative feelings about the morning except that "the other mothers angry".

I assured her that the other mothers are not angry with the child, but felt that for her own good, her own safety, she had to be controlled.

We were standing on the road. I said our children know, for example, to come to the end of the road/pavement and stop and not run off. For their own safety they must learn this. Her reaction seems to suggest that she had never even thought of this aspect of discipline.

I also noted that she could use a different tone of voice. I turned to M who was all smiles and friendly with me now. She waved goodbye to me.

I said, "Look, this is my son. Say goodbye to him." Mum translated. M waved another energetic wave. All smiles.

I was surprised. I could possibly be the first person outside the family who was firm with her, told her exactly what to do, etc., and today she was 'my friend'.

What was good to see was there was no argument between mum and daughter. I think G is making some progress.

The surprise of the morning really was J (the childminder) telling me that B (mum with blonde hair) is "not very nice".

Another sad observation today was that another mum told me that she discovered a mark on her son's chin and it appears that one of the bigger boys had squashed his chin last week. If these incidents are not reported to us immediately, there is nothing we could do.

This mum described the boy as "the foreign boy", to which B added , "that Somali boy?"

Today was the "that Somali boy's" last day and I did not want to make a fuss of it. He is actually one of our success stories. When he first came he could not sit still. Now he sits down to have his juice and biscuit as he is supposed to. He is generally polite to me. When I tell him off (eg 'driving' into the babies area), he responds.

Last week when I saw that he was very sad while his mum and sister were still at singing session I took hold of his hand and said, "Mum will be with you in two minutes."

Of course he had no idea what two minutes meant. "Count one to sixty two times and they will be finished. Could you do that?"

I sat him on a chair. He started counting, using his fingers. When mum and sister finished he was a happy bunny.

The big question is, why did mum not witness the incident herself? Parents are supposed to supervise their children AT ALL TIMES.

So I, foreigner #1, am getting nervous about people making assumptions about others on the basis of colour of skin, clothing, etc. It does not give me a good feeling.

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Fourth of July

2009-07-05T13:18:00.002+01:00

Hectic morning at Toddlers on Friday. Difficult mum did not show up so we could not put into action what was planned for her.

Back home I realized that in the hurly-burly of the week I had completely forgotten to buy HIM a birthday card for HIS 50th.

So having sorted out what I needed to sort out I hurried along to the shops thinking that I would just have time to buy the card and head back to school for the Leavers Service.

I rummaged for my purse as I entered the first card shop I came to and searched, and searched, and searched, and realized that I had forgotten to bring my purse in my distracted state of mind (having to switch TV on for mum-in-law for her to watch Wimbledon, eg).

There wasn't time for me to get home. I rummaged again and thankfully found some loose change I had thrown into the bag, and two plastic coins from my son's toy cash register.

In the end I was delighted to find a 'husband 50th' (not '50th husband, note!) card that I could afford. Yay!

Yesterday we had a little celebration with family and close friends at a very nice restaurant not far from us. That kind of restaurant where food comes in very tiny portions. In the end we did feel very full, however.

When sister-in-law gave husband his "50 today" badge son and I remembered what we forgot.

This morning, enroute to church, I ordered a balloon on son's behalf. This was duly delivered to son while I was at church.

Husband is now the proud recipient of a helium-filled balloon with the words, "Old and Grumpy" on it.

He's still smiling and we are still married. So he can't be that grumpy.

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She's only two. She does not understand. Wrong!

2009-06-27T19:11:00.012+01:00

Funny sort of morning yesterday. At the end of what appeared to be a fairly calm toddlers session, a childminder came up to me to say "Did you know you have a very naughty girl here?"

It turned out that this little girl has been pinching cheeks, slapping faces and pulling hair, etc. Usually these incidents get reported to us fairly quickly so I was surprised that it had not come to our notice till then.

And then, apparently, in a matter of ten seconds after this report, this little girl had traumatized another three kids.

The mother?

I had always thought this mother rather strange. Sometimes she sticks around for nearly 20-30 minutes after our closing*. All of us here are volunteers. We have other business and family to take care of. We rather like being able to clean up after a session and head home.

Soon I had two or three mothers telling me how the little girl had misbehaved. Well, we expect two-year-olds to go through a certain phase, don't we? But what came across to me was that this mother did not have a clue about controlling her daughter.

At least two mothers had spoken to her about her daughter's behaviour. Her standard reply was, "She's only two. She does not understand."

I have noticed too that this Mum would push daughter in her little ride-around all around the hall when the daughter should be doing the peddling (oops! I meant 'pedalling', of course) herself. Sometimes Mum puts her into one of the babies' bouncing net thingeys. It's not right. Daughter throws her biscuit away at snack time, only to grab a biscuit from another child, or picks scraps up from the floor.

So having gathered evidence from three other people I approached the mother. Before I could say anything more than "I'd like to talk to you" she said, "Wait, I'll get someone to talk to you."

A few minutes later she got one of the grandmothers who "saw what happened" recounting how another mum (described as having blonde hair) had grabbed her daughter's arm because both daughters were fighting over a doll.

Then I heard the phrase, "They were ganging up on her." Grandmother and her own daughter (another mother at the group) joined in support. Then another mother chipped in to say, "No, that's not right."

Amidst these accusations and counter-accusations I noticed an interesting pattern. The anthropologist in me said, "Hang on a minute. There appears to be this group of white mums and carers against a group of non-white mums and carers. What's happening?"**

Mother (let's call her "G") was then in a flood of tears. "Some children play hard, some children play soft. But there is no need to grab her like that." I was puzzled as she repeated this statement at least twice later on. What does "playing hard" mean?

So far, no one has owned up to grabbing the little girl (let's call her "M"). One Mum (the one with blonde hair) described how she had touched her on the arm with a finger to say "you must not do that".

Another (carer, J) said she might have touched her, but definitely not grab her arm roughly as demonstrated by Mother G. J is a very experienced childminder and would not touch a child unnecessarily. She felt it was necessary to do so only because M was digging her nails into another child and stepped in before that other child was hurt.

When everyone had calmed down I spoke to G and told her in no uncertain terms that I did not agree with her that M does not understand. Disregarding whether the other mums were right or wrong, she needed to do something to control her child.

I said, "For example, speak to her at her eye level," and demonstrated by squatting down to M who was strapped into her push-chair. And what did M do? She started hitting me.

Then she snatched the brochures from my hand. The mother raised her voice (in their own language). M took absolutely no notice and pretended to read my brochures with a very defiant look on her face.

I said to G to avoid saying "no" and "don't" all the time. It's very discouraging. (See earlier post.) Tell her to do the thing you want, not say "don't do" the thing you don't want.

I turned back to M and said in a very firm voice, "At the count of five, you have to give me back these brochures. OK? 1-2-3-4-5, I want the brochures back." Mum translated.

I counted to five and she handed the brochures back to me. I praised her. M looked pleased.

"OK. You did that so well, we'll do it again. Here, take my brochures. Now this time at the count of three, 1-2-3, you must give me back the brochures." Mum translated.

"One, two, three," and straightaway she gave me my brochures back. I praised her for listening well. She looked happy. She had achieved something and was praised.

Mum looked rather surprised. She told me that in her home, being an only child, M does pretty much what she likes.

"That's no good. If you are planning another baby, what's going to happen when you have a baby and she still won't listen to you?"

As it turned out, mother G is expecting a baby.

"All the more you have to get her to do what you say. Or she'd start hitting the baby."

I went on to say briefly what she could do, like giving her a choice of two: "green dress or blue dress", "wash her hands or sit down", rather than open-ended questions like "what do you want to do?"

Mum G realized that M is not too young to understand after all. Even when I spoke in a different language she could clearly respond, what more if mum was speaking in their own language?

The other mothers had expressed surprise at Mum G's attitude that a two-year-old cannot understand. They did not seem angry with the child as such but thought G's parenting skills were pathetic.

Some things we do so naturally we do not realize that other parents have to learn this. Sometimes there is a cultural element in that children are treated like gods and goddesses, as in some Chinese cultures. Then when they turn six (for example), they are suddenly treated as little adults, given responsibilities, etc.

In some families grandparents who help in childminding counsel that "they'd be OK when a new baby arrives".

Let's just say in the six years or so that I have helped in this toddlers group, we have seen how older siblings start biting other children in the group when mum has a new baby.

I now have a plan on how to help this mum. But would she be willing to accept this help from others?

It's up to her. I hope and pray that next Friday would turn out alright.

*The reason mother G sometimes sticks around well after 'closing' is probably because she could not get M to agree to go home.

**It is not unusual, as I learned as a minority person, that when we felt that we are being 'singled out' or 'picked on' our first reaction is "it's because of our ethnicity" whether or not this was really the case. In this instance, I think the divide was more along parenting styles, and the ethnic divide was incidental.

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Me: laziest housewife I know (Part 2)

2009-06-23T20:22:00.006+01:00

Son's school sports day today. We had the best weather and son was amazingly positive today.

Two mothers came up to congratulate me on his achievement in gaining the Chief Scout's Silver Award (mentioned by the Headmaster in the school bulletin last week).

Somehow we got round to talking about my making him tidy up from a very young age. This is really the 'luxury' of a stay-at-home mother. (One mum expressed how because she always had an au pair, her son never had a chance to do this.)

I had the choice of tidying up for him and get it over and done with in two minutes, or making my son learn how to do it, even if it took 20 minutes. I opted for the latter.

When life got a bit messy I used to say, "Let's see if you could put five toys back in the box."

He would then count five toys into the box. "OK, I think we need to put another seven in."

Sometimes it was nine, ten, or whatever number of toys. Sometimes it was five green colour toys (eg five green blocks), or six black cars, or something like that. So 'putting away' was in fact a lesson in counting and distinguishing colours, shapes, etc.

We started doing this from the time he was a toddler. Now that he is a bit older he has to tidy his own room. It's often in a bit of a mess, but there are times when we have to -- together -- sort the stacks of books and magazines on the floor, etc. He still needs help, of course, in reaching the higher shelves and strength is pushing books aside, etc. But the principle is that he understands what being 'tidy' means.

'Tidy' does not mean 'spotless' in our house.

By the age of two he could read and understand numbers. Walking to the supermarket took a very long time as we would pick a colour of car (eg red) and when we found one that is parked, he would go and read the numbers and letters on the number plate.

I used to think -- when I was single -- how annoying it was that people took their children to do the shopping. Children tend to misbehave there, don't they? Shopping is 'grown up work'. Why involve the children?

Then I learned that shopping is a great opportunity for children to learn, "Up a bit. To the left," for example, when looking for a particular item. Sometimes they are looking for a picture. Sometimes they are looking for a letter or word they could decipher. Either way, it reinforces the idea that the ability to read is useful.

Then there are the big aisle numbers on display. "We are at aisle 6 and the butter we need is at aisle 11, in which direction should we walk?" Not only does the child need to recognize numbers, he has to understand sequence -- ascending and descending orders.

Then we have "Mum needs six apples. You have two in your hands, how many more do we need?" So you see, our shopping trips could take some time.

All too soon I found him working out in his head the total cost of what I was buying, and the change I should be getting back from the cashier.

Does it matter if my house is untidy and my meals may be late??

Topic at dinner tonight, while trying to cut a rather large muffin: the difference between a sector and a segment, and he went on to tell us that a tangent at the point it touches the circle is always 90 degrees to the radius.

Me: laziest housewife I know (Part 1)

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Kinsella Murder: Boys need male role models

2009-06-14T16:23:00.016+01:00

The relevant link from the Telegraph:

Ben Kinsella murder: why gang members choose loyalty to each other over family

Allow me to highlight a few extracts. The emphases are mine:

''Members are usually from dysfunctional families and broken homes,'' he says. They are failures at school who end up playing truant at an early age and joining groups. From around 11 they join gangs and these become alternative families. But they are ruled by brutal discipline that spills over into extreme violence.''

''The majority, like Michael Alleyne, come from wildly fractured families - often they are the offspring of single mothers - for whom the gang becomes a surrogate family,'' believes Peter Andrews, author of ''Britain's Gang Culture.'' Often membership, he explains, grants status. ''But it's more than that. It offers an extended family with all the fierce, loyal protection that exists within blood families - something few of these young people know anything about.

''There are rules, and strict hierarchies,'' he says moodily as he toys with a can of Sprite in a cafe near the shabby estate where he still lives with his mother. ''We ain't feral and we're bright,'' he snaps. ''I'm respected on my road [community]. Even the Boyden [police] respect me.''

Nicco was sucked into the gang culture at 10. ''I was bullied, the gangs looked after me, my old lady wasn't gonna. At first you run messages, then you get promoted. That means you hide the knives and guns. Kids ain't searched much.'' Most ''generals'' and their ''lieutenants'' enforce discipline with a mixture of ''code of conduct'' loyalty and brutality.

These are government policies that ignore this 'street gang culture':

(1) Young girls and women having babies indiscriminately. They are left to care for these babies with very few resources. The fortunate few have an extended 'real' family. But many would learn, soon enough, that more babies = more benefits and the downward spiral begins. See previous post here. Children need families. Let's try to ensure that they are first born into one.

(2)If this government is indeed keen to reduce child poverty, they might do well to start by persuading young people to avoid having babies indiscriminately. But who would have the guts to say this?

(3) Boys at 10 and 11 are at their most vulnerable. Yet the school system transfer them into secondary schools at his age. Let me explain.

Boys at 10 and 11 are at their most vulnerable in terms of their physical, social and mental development. Their voices have not even broken. They are smaller physically than many girls their own age who have started on puberty. They are more likely to be bullied when they become bottom of the pile at a secondary school.

My work in the PTA which brings me into contact with boys of all ages show that boys aged 9 to 11 are in their 'silly boy stage'. The 12+ and 13+ take on leadership roles in school. They are top of the pile. Their voices break. They begin to behave like young men, wearing size 8 shoes.

They transfer to senior school at 13+. They become the bottom of the pile again. But they have already developed so much confidence they are able to fend for themselves, think for themselves, decide for themselves. In fact transfer to senior school is like a 'rite of passage', at a point where they are ready for it.

When our folk in the Ministry of Education make boys (and girls) transfer to secondary schools at 10/11 (apparently to align teaching to the SATs tests), have they considered the impact of this transfer on vulnerable young boys?

(4)What's the point of SATs tests in any case when the results do not actually get you into a better school situation? This nation has dumbed down because there is an inordinate fear of elitism and cleverness and academic success. If parents and children believe that doing well in SATS would get them into a good secondary school, their attitude would be different.

For now, we have the worst of both worlds: SATs results not making a difference to children's lives in terms of their secondary school placement, as well as teachers priming them to do SATs and only SATs well, thus narrowing their scope of learning.

Why bother to aspire when it is a postcode lottery any way? Calling a school an 'academy' by itself is not going to make the school better.

(5)Boys thrive on discipline and structure, being 'promoted'. It may not look that way when they are younger, but boys need a strong male role model or two (not necessarily the father) to tell them what to do, how to do, when to do. Maybe this is wired into their genes. Think of the rites of initiation in some tribal societies. The being separated from female community, one's mother and sisters, being taken into the male community, the strict rules that follow prior to initiation, and the sense of responsibility that comes after the event.

Where father does not play a major role in a boy's life, mother's brother does. He becomes the 'sponsor'. We will do well to find surrogate 'fathers' to these young boys. In a uniformed activity not unlike the Scouts?

(6)Teach boys discipline from a young age. To be fair, most mothers, single or otherwise try to do so. But how do you discipline a boy who is bigger than you? Usually at this point, the father (usually physically bigger than mum) steps in. For families with no fathers, who would discipline the boys?

This is not to say that girls do not need discipline. When I researched adolescent girls in Singapore, their unexpected plea was: "Mums and Dads, it's OK to give us a curfew. That way we have an excuse to go home." It is when mums and dads allow too much freedom that these young adults flounder. Who would have thought that?

(7)Going back to single mums, do note that it is well nigh impossible to come up with research that would affirm that single motherhood is not welcome by the mothers themselves. This is because motherhood touches on 'affective' dimensions. No matter how much you try to design a questionnaire survey, say, that removes all interfering variables, it will be very difficult for you to find mums who'd say, "I regret having this child [so early] [with this partner] [before I finished my education], etc. etc.

The nature of parenthood (and more so motherhood) is such that no matter how tough the going gets, the mother's love for the child and the joys she derives from the child would supersede these difficulties, disappointments and struggles they face.

(8)At our last consultation with our son's teacher, we were shown his tray of work. On top was the current comprehension topic: "Mum's New Boyfriend". It appears that the school curriculum requires schools to teach children about the different types of families. Mum has a new boyfriend? Nothing unusual there.

Father's Day is coming up. While my son makes Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, Christmas Day, Easter cards, etc for us, there has never been a Father's Day card.

I think it's because the school has to be sensitive to those boys who do not have a father.

Update: Interesting to read Prince William's contribution to this concern here. It suggests that the discipline and structure of the military, where young people learn and EARN respect, and where there are clear grounds for promotion, could make a difference to them. Bring back the draft?? Or national service in a different guise?

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Migrants lost in Translation

2009-06-14T13:11:00.005+01:00

I was not at all surprised to read this article: Councils spend £50m a year translating documents no-one reads

Just look a this:

"Haringey translated into Albanian, Kurdish and Somali a leaflet for recommending council staff for internal awards. Only 12 people ever viewed the documents."

It reads as though this leaflet is for council staff. If council staff cannot read English, then surely they should not be employed by the council at all. What an utter waste of money!

Whilst people might speak a language, it does not always mean that they are able to read the language just as well.

Also, the councils assume that people have free access to computers and internet. As this is not the case, the headline here is also misleading (let's call a spade a spade).

While I am not terribly fond of Ms Hazel Blears her advice to councils to "think twice before translating documents" makes sense.

This is a version of my letter sent to Times (the newspaper) and published on 13th September 2007:

Voiceless migrants

"Sir, As a social anthropologist I have been shocked to learn how little English some elderly migrants can understand even after some 30 years in the UK (“You live here. You learn English. OK?”, Sept 11). Many no longer live with their families and cannot get on trains or buses on their own because they cannot read bus numbers, information on destinations and even signboards that might give them a clue as to where and how to get on and off. As such, many are reduced to being virtual prisoners in their own homes.

With no English, this generation cannot even go to the doctor, dentist or optometrist without an interpreter, often leaving symptoms undiagnosed till it’s far too late. They also have little chance of communicating with their grandchildren, who are unlikely to speak their mother tongue beyond the most basic civilities. Most pertinently, migrants cannot participate in the political process via elections and referendums, on issues that might affect them.

My new neighbours (white, blond, driving large vans) are not getting their bins emptied because they do not seem able to follow instructions on what to place in each bin (I have tried to explain). When I worked in Amsterdam I learnt Dutch to get on with everyday life, as did the refugees I worked with there. We are not doing new migrants any favours by not insisting that they understand and speak good English. "

=========
There is one recorded online response to this:

"As an ex-pat, who has done the same as Dr Lee no less than three times - so far - I can vouch for how enormously difficult it is to learn a foreign language. Some people learn in a matter of months, others only know a few words after 20 years of trying. There is no general rule. Insisting that a foreigner learns English is almost akin to insisting that he or she goes and wins the national lottery. It seems to me that this insistence that foreigners coming to Britain should know English is just a hidden means of reducing immigration. For those who favour this requirement, I would suggest that they try and learn some Arabic; they will then fully appreciate what is being asked.

Terence Hollingworth, Blagnac, France"

============
Recently a mother with three kids came to my toddler group. I think she's Ethiopia-born. When I asked where she came from, her answer was 'Nederland'. Great! So I tried refreshing my Nederlandse in conversation with her.

She speaks very good Nederlandse, precisely because she would have needed Nederlandse to get her any help within the local government system there.

Her Engels is very good, too, better than her 'sisters' (ie her friends) who had been living here in London.

Any idea why?

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Me: laziest housewife I know (Part 1)

2009-06-10T17:05:00.006+01:00

Don't like the term 'housewife'. Married to a man, not a house, so why 'housewife'?

In Singapore the preferred term was 'homemaker' for a while. But all the potential homemakers migrated to the corporations and the home had to be made (maid?) by FDWs (Foreign Domestic Workers).

In 2004 I undertook research on 'stay-at-home mothers' or SAHMs in Singapore (thanks to a grant from the British Academy). The results of this research have yet to be published in a peer-reviewed journal ... because I am still a SAHM. This term has gained popularity in Singapore (since then? maybe it wasn't anything to do with me, who knows?).

An interesting finding was most of these SAHMs did not do much 'housework'. They stayed at home, but they still had FDWs to cook and clean for them. So while they might do the food shopping (called 'marketing' in the 'wet markets'), SAHMs often only supervised others in homemaking.

The whole objective of being a SAHM was to focus on the growth and development of the children. Spending every waking hour keeping house defeats the purpose.

Which of course is my very excuse for a rather untidy house.

I see myself as the laziest housewife/homemaker/SAHM when I look at the dishwasher, for example.

I fill it in the evening with all the dirty dishes and put it on at the end of the day.

In the morning we take crockery and cutlery (and 'weaponry') out of it, but I do not empty it. When dear Mum-in-law visits she tries to help by emptying it and putting stuff all in the wrong places.

She's a sweetheart and I am not complaining. But we tend to (all three of us) just keep taking things out of the dishwasher throughout the day and voila! at the end of the day, I have but a few items to put back in the cupboard!

Then I fill it up again, set it to run at the end of the day, etc,. etc..

Lazy housewife edict #1: DO NOT empty dishwasher.

Children's toys. I never tidy up after my child.

My excuse: My husband had been trained to do everything around the house (except sew) by my Mother-in-law and I feel I must train my son to do the same.

Tidying up his toys is a first step.

From the time he was able to toddle he had to learn:

What is a toy? What is not a toy?

What is an indoor toy? What is not an indoor toy?

What is an indoor toy that must go in box A? What is an indoor toy that must go in box B?

Teachers might recognize that these are sound instructional principles.

You see, if I remained a management consultant or returned to academia my child wouldn't have had the benefit of learning any of this. His childminder, nursery staffworker, or whoever, would tidy up after him and that's that.

Yet, the whole point of being SAHM is to be there to encourage the branching of motor neurones in a child's yet to be fully-developed brains. In those first three years of life is the parent's only chance of making it as complicated as possible to cope with the myriad bits of knowledge it has to handle and process for the rest of his life. It's like putting in the hardware in a computer so that they could handle the software.

I take my inspiration from founding father of sociology Emile Durkheim. Just as it is elementary for men (and women) to distinguish the 'sacred' from 'profane', the basis of knowledge, in my view, is the ability to tell A from non-A.

And in cognitive anthropology where we learn that Eskimos have many different words (not as many as 150 as often claimed) for different kinds of snow. In contrast, some forest dwellers only think in two colours: bright and dark.

(Meanwhile in the UK, trains are running late again due to the wrong kind of rain, snow, leaves, strikes.)

So classification is a very important and pertinent aspect of learning.

So 'lazy' is this housewife that she used to get her toddler son -- after she had removed the 'weaponry' (ie sharp knives) -- to sort the cutlery: return knives (only blunt, butter, eating knives), forks, teaspoons, dessert spoons, etc to the right places in the drawer.

It gave him something to do, some achievement to feel proud of, and a chance to develop those motor neurone things in the brains.

OK, this post is getting too long. I shall make a few more posts about how lazy housewife designs 'household games' that encourage learning in the very young.

If you are into parenting, you might also be interested in my other blog about my son here.

Me: laziest housewife I know (Part 2)

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When did you last disinfect your tissue paper?

2009-06-02T14:03:00.010+01:00

Since the start of this 'swine flu' scare, there has been an increase in the government-sponsored advertising with the slogan 'Catch it. Bin it. Kill it'.

Well, it has certainly killed much of my hankie business which is usually in full flow this time of year, it being hayfever season. And you know what is even more exasperating? They are using MY tax money to bring you this advertising, effectively ruining my business.

This admonition to 'bin it' suggests that disposable tissue paper is more hygienic than cloth hankies. One school website says explicitly that cloth hankies are to be avoided. But when was the last time you disinfected a piece of tissue paper?

So, being the researcher that I am I took a closer look at my internet search results for 'swine flu and hankie'. Here are some of my conclusions:

(1) The habit of covering one's mouth with a hankie or tissue when one sneezes or coughs is no longer a habit amongst some of the younger people in this country. One writer complained about a mother letting her young child cough and sneeze and letting the outflow of solids and liquids spray all around the train carriage they were sharing, with no sign of guilt or remorse.

Another reported how a hoodie stood next to him at a traffic junction and started emptying the contents of his nasal passages onto the streets, and not always hitting the target.

Yet another suggested that "[s]urely the idea of people covering their mouths when they cough or sneeze is commonsensical, and a mannerly thing we should all learn from an early age".

(2) It is therefore a question of 'catch it' in the first place. The emphasis on paper tissue is misplaced, a sign that this campaign was probably designed by young people who do not know what a handkerchief is.

Compare the current campaign to this World War II poster:

Then, when tissue paper was non-existent, a cloth handkerchief did the job.

(3) Cloth hankies are still doing the job.

My husband is immunocompromised. He only uses hankies.

I suffer from hayfever. I use cloth hankies. Swopped back from tissue paper some years ago.

My son only uses cloth hankies. He loves the ones with his name embroidered in very large letters so no one throws them away ... again. (We suspect that some of his hankies had gone missing because other children did not realize that it was 'lost property' and not a funny kind of stretchy tissue to be put in the bin.)

My son also has one of the best attendance records in class, better than those who use only tissue paper.

(4) Sure, we put our used hankies back in our pockets. Some people say, "Yuck! Keeping all those bacteria in your pocket can't be good." But at least we keep our own bacteria to ourselves.

There is a Chinese saying: disease enters through one's mouth. Conversely, what comes out of us can't kill us. Might kill someone else, but not us. And that is the point: we must use a hankie to cover our mouth when we sneeze in order not to infect other people.

We wash our hankies. We dry them in the sun. We iron them. We are effectively killing any bacteria that might still be lurking.

When did you last disinfect a paper tissue?

Wash tissue paper? Yes, done that many times, by accident. They always end up in bits and stick to your dark colour clothes.

Dry them? They always end up in a hardened glob, does it not, in a bin or wherever?

Iron tissue paper? Never.

(5) Used tissue paper left in open bins which might not be emptied for several days = bacteria to share with all and sundry. Surely this is even more "Yuck".

In summary then, I suspect that the NHS campaign is targetted at people who do not use either tissue paper or cloth hankies in the first place. To suggest that paper is better than cloth is misplaced.

I wonder if my accountant could claim some money back from the revenue people for ruining my business. Or should I bring a case to the advertising complaints/standards folk? Anyone out there with expert advice for me?

Please share this post with your friends.

See also: This swine fever business

Embroidered organic cotton handkerchiefs

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"for family reasons"

2009-06-02T13:33:00.005+01:00

OK, this awful MPs' expenses scandal is really quite cathartic.

Today another two female MPs said they are stepping down in order to "spend more time with their families".

These are MPs/Ministers in their late 50s/60s. Their children are not nine years old, like my son.

What I found particularly galling is Patricia Hewitt saying:

"I did initially want to serve another term. But I feel the time is right," said Ms Hewitt.

"The truth is that after 13 years as an MP and ten years in Government, I have not seen enough of my family. They have paid a high price for that."

THE TRUTH IS thenext election (if she's voted back in, no guarantee of that) will take her to past the 15 years in Parliament which qualifies her for a much more generous pension. She would now have to forgo that. O, poor thing!

As for not seeing enough of the family, isn't it a bit late to spend time with family and children who have left home, or are leaving soon?

My husband is also working shorter hours "to spend time with family", but that is only because our son has just turned nine, and is at an age when it would benefit him to do more with Dad while Mum takes a back-seat.

For a social scientist who has researched the plight of graduate women who sacrifice their careers to oversee their very young children growing up, this piffle about spending more time with their families is rather difficult to swallow.

In other words, it is sheer hyprocrisy these MPs/Ministers are displaying. And you know what is the worst part in all this?

They think us voters are so stooopid we cannot see through this.

(And O! Jacqui Smith is also standing down from Cabinet at the next reshuffle. Yay!)

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Appointment to see the neurologist

2009-05-30T16:28:00.004+01:00

Yay! I've been given an appointment to see someone at the neurology department some time in July.

My GP ran all the tests and found nothing wrong with me, but I am still getting the numbness in both my hands (usually when I sleep) and we both want to know that it is not the onset of some degenerative nerve disease.

They now have this 'choose and book' system. One is given a long list of hospitals we could go to (previously one could go to the one decided by the GP, I suppose). We then check them out online, see how long their waiting list is, and try to book an appointment.

The hospital I chose did not have an online booking system, so I had to ring up. The hospital had not issued any dates. So it could be two months or twice that. Who knows?

I was told that if the hospital does not contact me within two weeks, then I must go back to the GP for advice.

What? Go back to the GP? Do you know how difficult it is to get an appointment to see my GP?

So I put it down in my diary that I should hear from the hospital by such and such a date.

Date came and went. Son on holiday and I was too busy to try to book a time to see the GP.

And then Mr Postman brought me news. I have been given an appointment at this hospital in July.

But of course it is during the holiday period and we would have been away in France that day.

But, again, no. It was so tedious trying to book our holiday we decided to forgo it and holiday locally. So I shall be able to make this neuro appointment.

I don't think there is anything seriously wrong with me but it's good to know. I hope the neuro would be able to put my mind to rest.

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Domestic Goddess -- not!

2009-05-24T14:30:00.003+01:00

One of the mums from my toddler group came in some time with a box full of popular magazines she rescued from the bin at her office. There was quite a scramble as mums tried to pick a magazine either for themselves or for their children.

I got myself one on home decor. Me, home decor? Ha! Before we got married I made it quite clear to my husband-to-be I am not the proud house-owner type (ie: don't expect me to keep the house spotless, etc, etc.)

Thankfully he was of the view that it is no fun living in a showroom. We can boast of living in a very 'lived in' house. Toys everywhere? That's only because my son had not tidied up. I do not go tidying up after him.

Anyway, I spotted this section on covering up an 'open cupboard' (ie open shelves) with a patchwork curtain:

"Sew together fabrics until you have a piece one and a half times the length of your worktop. Stitch a narrow casing at the top and hem the bottom. Thread curtain wire through the casing and fix hooks and eyes at each end."

Guess what? My late mum used to do EXACTLY that when we had open shelves that needed covering. But she did not spend £26 per metre on "Lollipop 6065 and 6068" fabric, or £28 per metre on "Rodeo Check" fabric, etc. She just used whatever scraps of cloth she could find.

What I found most surprising is that while I used to consider what my mum did as being most 'primitive', a reflection of the poverty we lived in, this glossy magazine has converted the same idea into the very height of sophistication.

I wonder what mum would have made of this. Tsk, tsk.

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Cannabis factory #2

2009-05-19T17:24:00.005+01:00

Looks like the police refused to tell even the owner of the house about the case.

He was around earlier and I went over to share my commiserations.

He told me he rented it out to a Chinese family who never paid the rent, so he came down with the police to see what happened. Apparently there was some guy upstairs.

"Any arrests?"

The police wouldn't say. Hmm.

Today he engaged a couple of guys to empty the pots of compost into a truck. The piles of plastic pots are shown below.

How many pots did they find? Note there are more pots behind the green wheelie bins.

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A cannabis factory across from my house

2009-05-16T15:59:00.002+01:00

Tuesday we noticed police presence across the road. After son's piano concert I walked across to police officer and asked if there's been a break-in. If there's one, I needed to know.

"Nothing to worry about, madam. Not a break-in."

No dead bodies? "Nothing like that madam."

Wednesday I could see policeman guarding the open door as colleague was doing something inside. Dusting for fingerprints? Poor chap standing there all morning in the cold. So at lunch time I went over to say, "Would you like a cup of tea?"

I don't think he's allowed to accept hospitality while on duty. I mean, what if I spiked his drink? No, he said.

What about your colleagues? "I'm fine," came the voice of his female colleague from inside the house. I could see that the house was in a bit of a mess.

Thursday. Another policeman at door while his colleague was inside. Then she was outside, writing up some report on the big wheelie bin.

Today (Friday), big truck came with police car late afternoon. They went away. About 8pm when son came home from Cubs husband said there's a big truck outside.

Some time later I looked out to see people removing lots of electricals. Lots and lots of electrical. What looked like battery packs, many many of these. Lots of switches on boards, lots of large metal plates looking things, boxes with holes cut out with aluminium piping connected. Lots of stuff they put in clear plastic bags too but I could not see in the dark.

There was no lighting in that house. An electrician's van was parked outside on Tuesday so it looked like the power supply had been cut. Instead they were using torches and lights powered by portable sources.

I said to husband I think it must be a cannabis factory. Googled "inside a cannabis factory UK" and looked under "Images" and there I could see pictures of stuff that I had just seen taken out.

Now I know.

Never seen a soul go in or out of that house since 'people' moved in, less than six months ago, I think. Always an upstairs window open. Apparently most of these cannabais farms are run by illegal Chinese or Vietnamese, more or less imprisoned there by their paymasters. (I wonder if the police might have thought I was involved being Chinese, too!!)

Recently in a location not far from us someone was actually killed. I think he was trying to run away from this clandestine operation, but of course, no one would let him.

So very sad.

Incidentally this blog was suspended for a few days because the robots had flagged this as a spam blog (!). I don't know how a spam blog works. I only know that some weeks ago I was attacked by a spammer -- in Chinese. This person was sending the same offending message advertising some nasty pharmaceuticals via my 'Comments' facility. As soon as I removed one such comment, about four more 'pinged' into the Inbox. Eventually I managed to contact Blogger. Whether or not they actually did something to stop it, I don't know. But those people are vicious.

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It's good to talk ... listen

2009-05-14T19:19:00.005+01:00

On Tuesday I heard a BBC programme in the afternoon (hands on the sewing machine, ears to the radio, that's multi-tasking?) which made me feel completely vindicated about not letting my son watch TV for the first two years of his life.

Well, not all TV, but children's TV. He was allowed to watch sport and news.

The psychologist (Arik Sigmund) on the programme confirmed my hunch that children's TV is bad for the developing baby/toddler brain.

According to scientific studies children who watched 'educational DVDs' were not any better in their comprehension and vocabulary when compared to those who watched The Simpsons and Oprah Winfrey. The only group with superior ability were "those who watched none of those but simply incidentally hear background conversation of their parents with others".

He concluded that listening which forces us to 'paint pictures in our mind' is better at fostering cognitive development. Well, there!

I remember feeding my baby with the radio tuned to BBC Radio 4. It often took an hour to nurse him at each feed. When he was a little older we 'invested' in CDs which told stories. There was even one which adapted Shakespeare themes.

Growing up in a rather poor family where we could not afford the TV -- my father justified it by saying it did us no good, and he was right -- our entertainment was of listening and reading.

There was Rediffusion ( a wired service, cheap to subscribe to) which gave us programmes in Mandarin, Cantonese and English, including BBC programmes. In the evenings we sat down to do homework, listened to drama on Rediffusion (usually a detective, a soppy soap, or a ghostly tale) and when that was done, Mum would play some of her Cantonese opera on tape (she had recorded this off the Rediffusion).

She sang along with the opera, and we learned to do much the same!

Only when I was sixteen when a grown-up cousin decided that he had had enough of his old black and white TV and passed it on to us was I able to watch myself on TV. Yes, I used to appear on TV as part of the school band at 'Central Judging', Youth Festival, or even in special recordings with the Singapore Schools Orchestra (where I played the trombone) but always needed to go to a neighbour's house to do that.

I don't think living without TV did me any harm. Indeed it forced me to 'paint pictures in my mind' and I was determined that my son would share the same privilege.

Coincidentally when I met him at school later that day son showed me his exam results and I had another pleasant surprise. He sat exams in English, Maths, Science, History, Geography, Religious Studies and attained 90-something percent in all, with 100% in English Comprehension. Last night we worked out his average as 96% compared to a class average of 69%

Vindicated once again.

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Baby #2 (!!)

2009-04-30T20:17:00.013+01:00

My son is nine (NINE!) today.

I also took another plunge and started another 'shop' on Etsy where I hope to interest a non-UK market in my embroidered stuff.

I am really getting excited about this crafty/creative business. As I noted in my Etsy page, most of the fun is in the digitizing process.

This swine fever business

2009-04-29T08:56:00.005+01:00

It's a bit like the British troops in Singapore pointing their guns in a southerly direction and the Japanese troops attacked from their north, via Johore, on their push-bikes.

I was talking about the bird flu a lot and now we hear the pandemic is of swine flu.

My husband is permanently on immuno-suppressant and you can understand some of the anxiety in our household. He also goes to work on the Tube every day. He is very vulnerable.

The authorities have been promoting the use of tissue paper, something about binning it after we've blown our nose. My instinctive feel (rightly or wrongly) is used tissue paper left in open bins are just as great a health risk.

Of course I have vested interests. I want people to buy my lovely organic cotton hankies (now with embroidery!!). The thing is if one is not mindful of one's hygiene, paper tissues and hankies are equally bad.

At least, one's cloth hankies are usually isolated in one's pockets.

I remember my first impression of walking into hospitals was the smell.

The smell of disinfectant every where. Where they used to take me to the dental clinic (because I had such bad teeth), there was the smell of disinfectant every where, too.

My aunt, who was a matron at the maternity hospital, she knew about cleanliness. She was the kind of person who would run fingers under beds and ledges on doors, etc, to check for dust. Hospitals were safe and clean with people like her about.

When I had my baby at the local hospital (incidentally 'baby' will be nine tomorrow), I was shocked and depressed to find dusty corners every where. I remember going to the shower room once. I left something there and I did not wish to return there to retrieve it.

I remember, too, my dad in hospital, dying from lung cancer (he was a chain smoker). If he needed to spit, he had to spit into a covered receptable half-filled with disinfectant. None of this tissue paper business.

When I was setting up my hankie business I read of the case of a woman who was visiting at hospital, dropped her hankie on the hospital floor, and who continued to use the hankie. She died or got very ill from an infection picked up by her hankie.

No, I wouldn't use a hankie I've dropped on the floor any where, much less one on a hospital floor.

Just heard on the radio some advice on masks. We used to make face masks with our hankies, or blindfolds, etc. If hankies were too small we tied rubber bands to them and hooked them round our ears, yes.

Swine flu is bad business for every one, but I cannot say that either paper tissue or cloth hankie is better. We do need to be sensible and take precaution where possible.

Meanwhile after my son declared that he did not wish to have a dead father, we decided that it's divine protection we need.

PS: Much has been said elsewhere about large-scale bird-farming and the flu. Here's a story about a pig farm (?).

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Table for one?

2009-04-23T08:05:00.003+01:00

In a few minutes I take my son back to school -- at last, yay!

On Tuesday we went to his favourite little cafe as a treat. This is a department store cafe.

We arrived just after 11am and we could not find a seat. At last an older lady vacated her table. I took her tray back to the used trays trolley and we sat down to have our early lunch.

I looked around and was surprised to find so many people eating on their own, at tables intended for parties of four.

Were they being selfish by taking up so much room? Why not opt for a table for two?

We were resigned to having to share a table had our lady not get up just at that point.

Then it dawned on me that perhaps these people sitting on their own were hoping that others might join them at their tables.

Maybe yes, maybe no, as my son would say.

But when you are old and live on your own, a bit of conversation with a stranger in a 'safe' neutral place like the department store cafe is not a bad idea.

I remember from when I used to volunteer at an Age Concern shop, some older people would come in just for a chat. And we always chatted with them.

Meanwhile son had wolfed down his ham and cheese toastie.

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Big Agriculture takes umbrage at Mrs Obama's organic garden

2009-04-22T16:18:00.002+01:00

What a surprise to read this! Not.

Big Agriculture takes umbrage at Mrs Obama's organic garden

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Here comes the Potters

2009-04-21T17:08:00.007+01:00

We have not changed our family name, but 'potter' is a good alternative.

We spent the Easter Term break doing what potters do, pottering, or should that be what potterers do, in which case the headline should read "Here comes the Potterers".

We've never had the guts to get away at Easter. Husband had been a regular at A&E for three or four Easter weekends in a row. Last year we managed to stay away. This year we kept clear. Thank God!

But husband did manage to get away for two whole weeks from work (yay!) and we pottered.

Caught up with son's godmother. Pottered.

Had son's mate over for a sleepover. Pottered.

Took them to the Imperial War Museum. Pottered.

Went to Kew Gardens. Pottered.

Went to Stratford on Avon. Pottered.

Now we're back! But life won't return to 'normal' till Thursday when son returns to school.

Point is: there is so much to do in this great big country. So sometimes a bit miffed by the working parents at school who complain about not getting childcare on one hand and then spend all the school holidays in some exotic place or other requiring flying for several hours.

Having said that, we are probably one of the families in school who chalk up the most miles when we do go to Singapore. But that if for "visiting relations", not to go get some sun.

The only problem with pottering is: while son and husband are on holiday, I still have endless loads of laundry to do. Load after load after load.

So glad that when we do get to Singapore once in two years, husband insists that we get the laundry done at the place we stay in. And he always insists that we clear as much washing as possible before we fly back.

No washing, cooking, etc for two weeks. What more can I ask for?

Except that we might not be doing this for some time!!! (not checked for spelling, etc because I must now get to the cooking!)

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PC N not PCN

2009-04-09T19:49:00.005+01:00

A few weeks ago I was served with a PCN (Penalty Charge Notice) for allegedly making a Right Turn into a section of the High Street where there was a No Right Turn.

My husband was driving and he promptly paid off the fine of £60 (reduced from £120 if paid withing 14 days or something like that) to avoid having to pay a higher penalty of £180.

We were furious but did not have the time to appeal this charge. Until we learned that another family at church made the same mistake and was fined £50 (reduced from £100).

I searched online for all kinds of related information and finally sent a letter, recorded delivery, to protest the following:

That 46 days had elapsed since the alleged offence. According to my research these notices ought to be sent within a 28-day period, after which it is unenforceable.
Returning to the scene of the alleged contravention, I saw that there are large arrows indicating traffic to go straight on in the left lane and a right turning arrow for a right turn into the High Street. Only when you are well into this lane would a driver be able to see the tiny signpost below the traffic light itself that indicates a ‘No Right Turn’. According to my research, “signs indicating prohibited signs at traffic lights should be next to the green light at the traffic lights and on both sides of the road”.
I also checked out the scene on foot and found that there was a sign prohibiting a right turn, BUT this was placed on the kerb right in the middle of, not one but, TWO loading bays. When trying to circumnavigate parked high-sided vehicles it is easy to miss this sign.
There is no signage, as far as I could see, that traffic enforcement cameras were being used in this area, which I understand is a statutory requirement.
If my friend had to pay a penalty charge of £100.00, reduced to £50.00 if paid within 14 days, then my charge of £120 would have “exceeded the amount applicable in the circumstances of the case”, and a legitimate ground for appeal.
My Penalty Charge Notice does not provide me with a contravention code, which invalidates it.
My Penalty Charge Notice states that it is for “failing to comply with a sign indicating a prohibited turn – no right turn” but this is also confused with a sign that prohibits certain types of vehicle. It should be one or the other.
My Penalty Charge Notice does not indicate the make of my car.
My Penalty Charge Notice does not inform me at all of my right to view CCTV footage, and/or how to go about doing this.
My Penalty Charge Notice does not indicate that I could present “compelling reasons” (but only mentioned “mitigating circumstances”) as to why the charge could be challenged.

So I was ready to do battle with the Council.

Late last week I received a letter from the Council stating that because the PCN was sent more than 28 days after the alleged infringement it should be cancelled.

Happy? Moi?

Yes, because I can now give the £60 to a more worthy cause. But not happy because it has not answered my other questions, not least of all, how could they announce in the media that the High Street is now open to car traffic in both directions when in fact it is not possible to drive into the High Street legally from one direction?

How could a street be both 'open' and effectively closed at the same time?

We keep seeing motorists trying to get into the High Street, as several of our friends in church have, simply because of all the publicity that the High Street is OPEN.

But it's not!

How much money has the Council made through these PCNs? I think it is entrapment, myself.

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Women, contraception, adultery

2009-04-03T17:07:00.007+01:00

In today's news, Pakistani Taliban flog girl accused of affair.

I learned from a friend's blog that new British citizens have a choice of not shaking hands when receiving their new citizenship certificates in Sexism, sanctioned without a handshake :

"It seems that certain people object, for religious or cultural reasons, to touching someone of the opposite sex who isn't related to them, and the citizenship ceremony has been designed to accommodate them."

But as the writer pointed out, "The British government has recently been making a lot of noise about ensuring that immigrants embrace 'British values'." In their 'test on British values' specific instructions on the status of women in Britain highlight that they are not "merely considered as sexual objects; that they are not the property of their husbands or fathers; and that men and women can interact in everyday life without its being a clandestine sexual transaction, and without calling the woman's reputation into question.

"But it seems that once prospective citizens have regurgitated all this on a test, they are free to continue behaving in ways that fly in the face of these values -- and the British government not only tolerates this, but even alters its official ceremonies to accommodate it."

A few days ago I met with a woman I used to run into at the ante-natal clinic week after week some years ago. She started coming to the toddler group I help to run with her son who is almost exactly my son's age. Then she had a daughter.

This time she was looking worried. She is pregnant again. She is worried because she has had two Caesarean sections. Then she went on to recount all the problems she's had with the contraceptive methods she was using.

Correction: make that "recount how she suffered from all the problems she's had with the ....". She suffered pain, cramps, excessive bleeding, etc.

She blames herself for this 'accident' and she's dreading the gestation and birth of this baby.

Why, I wonder, did her husband not take any responsibility with contraception?

Why should contraception be her responsibility and hers alone?

In the Gospel account we read of the Pharisees testing Jesus with "the woman caught in adultery". Where was the man if she was "caught" in adultery?

It amazes me, no it saddens me, that in this part of the world we still hear of cases of 'honour killings' and 'honour suicides' (in Turkey). Why is 'honour' vested solely on the (mis)behaviour of women?

How can it be justified that women alone should bear the brunt of punishment when there is an 'affair' or 'adultery'? Why are fathers and brothers so keen -- paranoid -- to maintain the virtue of their unmarried daughters and sisters?

My guess? Because they know full well that as men in that culture they could do whatever they wish to their women and get away with it? To reduce honour killings, these fathers and brothers must first check their own behaviour. Indeed, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

They must first stop coveting the sexual favours of other people's wives and daughters, then they will stop feeling the constant, constant need to protect the 'honour' of their own womenfolk.

They should not fear their womenfolk shaking hands with strangers. They need not fear their wives sleeping with another man.

They should also do the honourable thing and not leave contraception to their wives, especially when there are severe physiological effects from the chosen method/s.

As far as I am concerned, 'honour' is not the strict responsibility of the women.

An afterthought: Perhaps I have said this before somewhere else on the blog. I remember well the time I was at a post-natal group. Us new mothers chat and feed our babies as the health visitor checks them one by one and weighed them, giving advice, etc.

One woman came in, covered from head to toe, with her husband.

Clearly she was not allowed to venture out of her home without her husband. What did the husband do when he was there and their baby was being checked. He stared at the mothers breast-feeding. There was no attempt to avert his eyes. He just stared in a very rude way at the women's breasts, some more exposed than others.

Maybe he was thinking why are these women breast-feeding when there is a strange man in their midst? Should they not be all gone into hiding? Well, this is a women's group, of largely breast-feeding women. We let him stay only because we were extending the courtey to his wife. He should have been courteous enough not to stare, or simply step out of the room. I found his behaviour totally unacceptable. Does he represent the type of men who expect 'honour' from their wives and daughters at all times?

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Tiffin story

2009-03-31T19:08:00.003+01:00

Nicked this from Straits Times

==============================

March 30, 2009

5% off meals if you bring own container

By Goh Yi Han

IN THE past, many Singaporeans would carry along their own tiffin carriers when they bought food from street hawkers.

Now, foodcourts in Singapore are helping to revive the practice of using one's own containers for takeaway food.

Most local chains already charge customers an extra 10 or 20 cents for takeaway food in plastic microwaveable containers. This is to cover the extra costs incurred by stallholders.

However, at least one operator is now offering a discount on food purchased if patrons provide their own containers.

Banquet Holdings, which runs the Banquet chain of halal foodcourts, gives customers a 5 per cent discount if they supply their own containers. This promotion is available at most eateries owned by the company, including more than 10 Banquet foodcourt outlets located across the island.

'This is a step that we have taken in order to persuade our customers to be more environmentally friendly,' said a company spokesman. It also saves money for the company, which does not have to spend as much on buying and storing disposable cutlery and containers.

And at least one educational institution is of like mind.

From this month onwards, students and staff at the National University of Singapore (NUS) are being encouraged to use reusable containers for takeaway food. It is a joint project by Students Against Violation of the Earth, which is a standing committee under the NUS Student Union, and two university offices.

Project leader Ong Wei Tao, a third-year social work student, said the 'Project Box' campaign is aimed at reducing the use of disposable containers in the school's foodcourts. This would benefit consumers, vendors and the environment, he added.

Environmental organisations have welcomed the move.

'There are benefits to avoiding the use of disposables,' said Mr Howard Shaw, the executive director of the Singapore Environment Council. 'Plastic containers are made with non-renewable resources. It's a terrible waste for a product to be manufactured for a single use of less than half an hour.'

It is an uphill battle though. Despite Banquet's efforts, customer reactions have been mixed.
Salesgirl Winnie Choy, 36, said: 'Disposable containers are more convenient - after eating, you just throw the box away.'

Ms Samsiah Siron, 49, who is unemployed, said the throwaway boxes cost only 10 cents each and she 'can reuse them many times'.

However, Mr Shaw cautioned against such reuse. Studies have shown that these containers cannot stand up to such usage as they are not made for this purpose. Constant exposure to heat could cause toxic plastic compounds to leach out, Mr Shaw said.

Other foodcourts are, for now, not actively encouraging customers to use their own containers.
'If a patron should suffer food poisoning, it would be difficult to ascertain the cause: the patron's own wares or the stall involved,' said a spokesman for Horizon Food Mall.

The National Environment Agency said that while food establishments must maintain sound hygiene standards, members of the public should also take personal responsibility and use only clean containers for takeaway food.

Second-year NUS business student Meryl Lee, 20, agreed. 'In our parents' time, there weren't any problems with hygiene when they used tiffin carriers. Besides, I would actually feel safer using my own containers than the crockery at cafeterias, which has been cleaned by other people.'

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Think of the children -- perhaps Fred should

2009-03-28T20:12:00.004Z

News last week -- OK, old news -- that 'Sir Fred' had his house vandalized.

OK, I do not condone vandalism. But it was the editor of the Business Times, I think, according to a little video clip on a news site that says, "Look, Sir Fred is a private citizen now. You may not agree with his pension and all that, but that was in accordance with his contract, etc. Think of his children. He might now have to move his children to another school because of this act ...."

Think of the children. Think of the children. Think of the children.

I thought of the children and wonder if Fred the Shred ever thought of the children when he acted in those (now generally considered) despicable ways not only with his bank business (the mismanagement of it) but also with his pension (the sheer audacity and greed), etc.

Did he think of the children -- other people's children -- when he made those corporate decisions that led to his eventual downfall?

I think of two children in particular: my son's classmate and his sister will now have to leave their private schools to go to a state school because their mother has been made redundant. "Tough!" you may say, "Do they not have any reserves they could turn to?"

That is another story. The point is there are thousands of children like these up and down the country because some people in positions of influence did not think of the children.

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Letter ... Spirit ... Law

2009-03-27T14:41:00.003Z

I've just despatched a letter to my local council to appeal for a 'Penalty Charge Notice' (PCN) for making a prohibited right turn into the High Street.

Forty-six (46) days after the alleged contravention we were sent this PCN. There were several things not correct about this PCN and in my view unenforceable. Basically what happened was there was a blaze of publicity about how our local High Street has reopened to traffic in both directions.

Yippee! we said, and at the next opportunity drove into it to celebrate. The shops here have had a dire time since they closed the High Street more than ten years ago. We believe in supporting 0ur local shops and so wanted to spend some money there.

We followed the road markings to keep right and came to a point where we realized that as we were neither a bus nor a push bike we were not permitted to 'turn' onto the High Street from this direction. By this time it was not possible to do anything but make that prohibited turn. Which is when the cameras caught us, but there were also no signage to warn us that cameras were in place to enforce traffic regulation.

But what's the point in flying huge banners that say 'the town is now OPEN' and not let people drive through? How else does one access the High Street then?

I checked out the signs yesterday, on foot, and found that there was ample signage alright, but these were "strategically" (ahem!) placed so that motorists are sure to miss them if there were vehicles parked for loading, if you are following a bus, etc. Was this a ploy by the Council to fleece her residents.

Sure I (my husband, actually) made an illegal turn, but only because he was misled, misled and misled again. So if they were going by the letter of the law, we have no case. But if they consider the spirit of the law, we might just get the notice cancelled.

But of course this is Inggerlund, where the letter of the law stands: So an MP claiming expenses (effectively to pay off the mortgage of his parents' home, which I suspect was originally his home) even when these expenses are unjustifiable but allowed, is OK because it is according to the letter of the law, even when the spirit with which this was done is hardly justifiable.

I wonder if Mr McN, MP, knows how many of his constituents commute to Hammersmith every day to work. And what good is having an MP who is a minister as he is not allowed to do very much because of his position in government?

Bah!

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999 - previous calls

2009-03-10T17:38:00.004Z

I had put my baby in the push-chair. Had to go back to the kitchen to clean my hands. Looked across the road and saw the side door to my neighbour's house flapping about.

Strange. I knew they were away. I had been given the keys to go water the plants and did once. Why was the door open?

I wheeled baby over, unlocked the door and stepped into their house to the scene I want to but cannot forget.

My Brazilian neighbour (now a court interpreter) is the most meticulous housekeeper. She even irons her underwear. Everything has its own place.

What I saw was dirty footprints on the carpet, drawers left open, some garden tools and the door still flapping about. Clearly someone had broken in.

I locked the door, got the baby back into the house and phoned 999. I was hyperventilating. The police operator kept telling me, "Calm down, calm down. Take a deep breath."

I was so angry, so cross, that someone had broken into my neighbour's house while it was 'in my care'. How is she going to feel when she comes back to this mess?

I then phoned another young mum (we met at a 'baby group') who wisely said, "Make yourself a cup of sweet tea." I didn't know sweet tea had such a calming effect.

The police did come and questioned me and secured the house. The scene of crime people came and dusted for finger prints. A couple of days later we arranged for a baby-sitter to come to keep an eye on our baby while husband and I went over to clean up. We positioned a cupboard door in her hall way such that we could stick up a note to warn her of what happened before she saw the main mess.

They could have phoned, but didn't. We also didn't want to spoil their holiday. So they found out when they came back. We quickly arranged to have a security alarm installed in our home. The picture of my friend's home all messed up -- violated -- made me want to puke.

Then she had so much trouble claiming insurance, etc. Such hassle.

A few years ago while my son (probably five years then, I think) was at a drama class I went to the nearby shopping precinct to do some shopping as I needed food. I saw what appeared to be a 'pack' of teenagers hounding another young, very scared looking teenager.

A pack of about 15 youths (at least) were following this young man. They had their shoulders hunched, making menacing sounds and scenes from Lord of the Flies came to mind.

When I stepped into M&S I saw that they had begun to run after this chap. I feared for his life and whipped out my phone and called 999. I watched from the safety of M&S and then the quarry ran into a shop opposite. He must have asked for help as someone quickly locked the doors and kept the other baying youths outside.

I was on the phone describing what I saw to the operator. I do not remember what the outcome of that call was. I cannot believe young people can behave like that. But clearly they do.

I had to finish my shopping and get on with life. I trust that the young man was safe and given some protection by someone.

Then the next 999 call was at the same shopping precinct. A punch-up, and some blood. Everyone thought everyone else would call the police. But nobody did. So I did. (See earlier post.)

Maybe my phone number is black-listed now!

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