Casa de Perkins

Advent

2009-11-27T22:22:00.001-08:00

Well friends, I know it must seem like I am obsessed with my friends the Fletchers....but you must check out the Black Friday Report post on the MangoTimes. They have encouraged me and Nate to preach the gospel in word and deed this Christmas and to rethink how we spend our money in the Christmas season. The video is amazing! Hope you are blessed the way I was.

Ahhh...Thanksgiving

2009-11-27T15:40:00.001-08:00

True Comfort

2009-11-07T07:33:00.000-08:00

"Comfort is the one thing you cannot get by looking for it. If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end: if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth-only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin with and, in the end, despair."
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?"
Psalm 56:8

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord."
Psalm 27:13-14

I am sure you are all wondering where I have been in the blog world these past six weeks. Well, I have been thinking. Thinking about life. Thinking about the plans we make. Thinking about the ways we are blinded by this world and convinced to live for ourselves. I needed to refocus and dive into God's word. I know that true healing comes from God's word alone. I am seeking God's face; seeking to know Him more, so I can understand this world He has made a little better. The better I understand who God is, the more I can rest in His promises and look forward to being with Him for eternity.

Yet, there isn't a day goes by where I don't think of my little baby boy. My girls speak of him often to friends and strangers alike, and I find myself wanting to tell strangers about him. These 6 weeks have been tough. I wish I could hold my little baby Paul once more. I often wish I could be pregnant again, just so he would still be with us. I am not a dates or numbers person, so even though our due date came and went, that wasn't that hard for me. The hardest times are those when Annabelle speaks of precious Paul to friends and family. I went in for my six week check up, and she thought we were going to go see baby brother again. Little times like these are much harder, because I am slowly grieving what might have been.

However, I am encouraged. My life is much richer and deeper now that I have had my faith tested and proven. I know that if someone asked me to deny Christ now, no matter the cost, I would not do it. Now, it may be hard, sad and horrible, but I could not deny Him. But my soul finds rest in the truth of the Bible.

I can now echo what David says in Psalm 16, "You are my Lord; I have no good besides You...The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot...I have set the Lord continually before me; because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken...You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever."

Baby Paul's Birthday

2009-10-08T11:56:00.000-07:00

Just in case you feel like crying:) This is the long 9+ minute slideshow. I know it is long, but this is mainly for people who couldn't make it to the birth or to the memorial today who wish they could have. And this is also for those who are going through something similar. I remember how other people's slideshows really helped me these past six months of waiting. There is a shorter one, but I love this long one. Hope you enjoy it. The birth story to come soon!! P.S. Before playing the slideshow, scroll down to pause the music player for the blog. If you don't you will have two songs playing:)

Come celebrate with us!!!

2009-10-07T09:41:00.000-07:00

Friends and Family,
Just want to thank you all for your prayers, and we would like to invite you to worship our God and celebrate the life of Paul with us tomorrow, Thursday at 4pm at Grace Baptist Church, Santa Clarita, CA. A reception will follow. Children are warmly welcome:)

Paul is Home!

2009-10-05T14:44:00.000-07:00

Baby Paul was born yesterday, October 4th at 6:59 pm, weighing 6lbs and measuring 19 inches long. He came 5 weeks early, much to our surprise. He was beautiful, and we were able to share precious time holding him and loving him. He went home to be with Jesus around 8:40pm, and we were able to spend a sweet time with friends and family, lifting him up to the Lord.

More pictures and details of his birth story to come, and we will let you know about any plans of a memorial as soon as we finalize them. Thank you for praying.

Love Thy Neighbor...

2009-10-02T14:55:00.000-07:00

My neighbor, a dearly beloved blessing, has volunteered to come to the hospital to take pictures of our new little baby and all of us enjoying those precious moments with him. As the time has grown closer, she has taken Nate, me and the girls out for family pics, and just yesterday she took some pictures of just me. Although I don't really feel up to pictures, and if you have ever been nine months pregnant, you know what I mean:), it was a great gift from her to give.

And let the praying begin!

2009-09-29T20:38:00.000-07:00

We have one more week until our next doctor's appointment, and we have only 5+ weeks until our due date. Little baby Paul is growing by the minute, or so it seems. Annabelle is becoming all the more inquisitive as to when he will come out so she can hold him. Daily I am brought to tears thinking how my girls will never be able to play with him. I am not looking forward to recovering from labor and delivery, without the joy of a newborn to distract me. I am slowly feeling a joy and excitement for the day of delivery, but I am still getting nervous. What should I expect? How will I feel? Will it truly be the worst day of my life? I know God will grant me strength on that day that I never knew possible, and I know the Holy Spirit will give me a joy only He can give, but I am still tempted to be anxious.

So, friends....pray. Daily, Weekly or just once, but I know that prayers of those who trust God and follow Christ are not ignored. God hears the cries of His children and He is near to us always. He wants us to bring every burden at His feet. I want this experience and the day of my delivery to glorify God and bring others to a loving relationship with Him. As I read Exodus, I relate to Moses. He didn't think he could be used by God. How can God use me?

Pray that God WILL use Nate and me in the next few weeks and on the day of delivery. Pray that we don't doubt God's goodness or His sovereignty. Pray that we can rest in His arms, knowing that He loves us. Thank you for you love and friendship!

Who am I?

2009-09-22T15:50:00.000-07:00

Recently, I began reading the Bible using the One Year Chronological plan that I just downloaded from my church's website. I decided to double it up, so I could be done in six months. I did the 90 day Bible a couple of years ago, and it ended up being the 180 day Bible plan, so I think 6 months works for me:) I love getting the big picture in God's word from reading it beginning to end, and I think it will be even more interesting reading it chronologically. The hard part in reading the Bible so quickly is that there are many parts I already have questions on, so I need to be diligent in finding answers before I move on, which means more self-discipline:)

I just finished reading Job, which I consider to be quite timely. I have always been confused and overwhelmed by how lengthy it is and how it is worded, but thanks to the Bible Knowledge Commentary, I was able to grasp an overall summary of the book. There is so much I have learned from this book, but here is an excerpt from the commentary that I just love:

Rather than explaining the theory of evil or the role of suffering, God rebuked Job for presuming to challenge His ways. In more than 70 questions—none of which Job could answer—God interrogated Job regarding numerous aspects of inanimate and animate nature. These two science examinations ranged in subject matter from
the constellations to the clouds, from the beasts to the birds. The wonders of God’s creation are dazzlingly displayed in outer space, in the sky, and on the earth. Though Job was dumbfounded by this barrage of questions, flunking both lengthy quizzes, he did meet God face to face. This reassured the complainer that God had not abandoned him after all.
What was the purpose of God’s rebuking response? By displaying His power and wisdom, God showed Job his ignorance and impatience. How could Job comprehend or control God’s ways with man, when he could not comprehend or control God’s government in nature? Since Job could not answer God on these matters how could he hope to debate with God? Since God has His own ways and designs in the sky and with animals, does He not also have His own purposes in His dealings with people? Though people cannot understand God’s doings, they can trust Him. Worship should stem from an appreciation of God Himself, not a comprehension of all God’s ways. Though puzzled, people should still praise.
God did not explain His ways to Job; He exhibited them, thus showing that the sovereign Creator and Sustainer of the universe does not owe puny man an explanation. Man is to report to Him, not vice versa. Yet, though God did not explain His design in man’s difficulties, His purpose in pain, He did reveal Himself.

So, wherever we are at, we must remain humble. Joyfully humble. Joyfully without all the answers. Joyfully living in praise. It took Job 42 long chapters to learn this. Let's pray it doesn't take us that long!

Yum!

2009-09-15T14:02:00.000-07:00

Well, my good friend Kendra at Preschoolers and Peace recommended this recipe from Alton Brown for Soft Pretzels. They are soooo tasty, fun and easy to do with the kids, that I had to second her recommendation. We made some with kosher salt and some with cinnamon and sugar, but I bet you could do parmesan, garlic salt and much more. Hope you find them as fun as I did, especially when you don't know what to do to spice up the day with little ones. Everyone loves to get messy, roll some dough, and of course, eat!!!

Week of Encouragement

2009-09-10T15:05:00.001-07:00

Last Weekend

This last weekend, Nate and I were privileged to go to Menlo College to see his brother play football. While we were up there, we drove a couple hours east to see some blogger friends that I have been getting to know. Kendra and Andy are a wonderful homeschooling family of 8 kids, and this summer they had opened up their house every Saturday night for whomever wanted to come over for a bbq. The Fletchers and their friends were such an encouragement...thank you, thank you, thank you! It is great how God's people can experience unity, even when they have never met. Nate and I are seriously considering homeschooling our children, and we have been seeking out wise counsel in how to train up our children and be intentional in every way of life. It was great to see it lived out in the Fletcher's life and to see the fruit of their labor in their respectful and sweet children.

On Monday, we headed for Rosemond, where we celebrated Labor Day with some old and new friends at Nate's fire station. We FINALLY got a semi-ok family pic, so here you go!

Baby Boy Update

Yesterday, Nate and I took the kids to another doctor appointment for our son. We are now 32 weeks along, and it was a blessing to have Annabelle see our son in the ultrasound. It wasn't as stressful as you would think, having both of them with us. It was actually encouraging and uplifting to have them there. We went to lunch first, and after the appointment, we got ice cream and cookies. Being a family really helped us cope with the reality.

Everything is still progressing the same way, and we are still looking at going full term and waiting for spontaneous labor. I am grateful I still only have to go back in another 4 weeks and not sooner. We are slowly grieving the coming death of our son, and it is still super hard to go to those appointments. On our trip up to San Jose this weekend, we listened to a sermon that reminded us of God's providence. He makes us all the way we are....He is still intimately involved in creating each one of us, and we are all created to bring glory to His name.

Exodus 4:10-11, "Then Moses said to the Lord, "Please Lord, I hav enever been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servan; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue." The Lord said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?"

John 9:1-4, "As He passed by, He was a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?" Jesus answered, "It was neither that this man sinned, nor his paretns; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in Him."

Not that I am convinced God will choose to heal my baby boy, but I am convinced that God created my boy with this defect, and that God will be glorified through this. What a great reminder!!! Thank you again for all your prayers. Oh by the way, we have decided to name our little boy Paul Perkins. Nate's middle name is Paul, and we would love for our little boy to be named after him in some way. He will be buried in a baby plot in Burbank, and we still don't know about what we will be doing as far as a memorial goes, but we will keep you updated!

A Must Read!

2009-08-23T21:33:00.000-07:00

I have practially read all of this woman's blog, and I feel comfortable endorsing it. I would encourage you to read this post labeled Ministry in the Mundane. She is an amazing homeschooling mother of 5, and she always shares such words of wisdom on her blog. This post is one that hits home to me, and I pray that it refreshes your minds and encourages you.

One of those days

2009-08-13T17:07:00.000-07:00

Do you ever leave a mess like this behind after going out to dinner? Well, this picture is the result of lunch at Johnny Rocket's in Bakersfield before Nate's badge pinning as Captain. We even TRIED to stay on top of it, and still, this is was what we left the poor girl to clean up!

I kind of had a day today that could be described by this picture. It started off great. I got up before the girls, had a quiet time, made breakfast and was, for the most part, ready for one of 7 out of the last 9 days without Nate. I was proactive. I even have a schedule, or as I like to call it, a daily flow chart....too specific of a schedule just doesn't work for me.

And yet, twice today, I had to come to Annabelle and apologize for being frustrated with her and raising my voice. How can you start off so strong and end up looking like the picture so perfectly illustrates? I forgot to seek God before opening my mouth or responding to a situation. I lost self-control of my emotions. All the things I am trying to teach my 2 1/2 year old:)

I pray that all of you moms out there can find encouragement, knowing that you are not the only one that feels like a terrible mom sometimes, and yet, I also want to encourage you to lower your voice when feeling the anger rise. Take a deep breath. Look at the big picture. Most often, if I make myself smile and speak softly, the situation calms down. I may be the only one out there that needs that encouragement, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not:)
Here is God's word to make it all the more penetrating to the soul:

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs
up anger."
Proverbs 15:1
"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he
who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city."
Proverbs 16:32

I am slowly learning the difference between training and discipline. Discipline is necessary, but a lot of times, I discipline when training is necessary. A sweet voice, and time invested into training can go a long way in creating peace in a home. I hate feeling like all I do is discipline all day, and I coming to realize that if I were willing to invest the time into training, there would be a lot less disicpline to go around. I am slowly mulling over all I am learning on both, and soon, I will be able to explain it better. For now, I encourage you all to take life slowly. It is often when I am unprepared or too hurried when I am harsh with my family.

God's Will

2009-08-05T07:22:00.000-07:00

So, Nate has become a reader. It sounds crazy, since neither he nor I ever loved reading in school, but as we have gotten older, we just love it. We are that couple that sits in bed around 10 to read and talk till midnight. Never thought I would see the day, but here it is:) Anyways, we were cleaning out our garage of old books from college, and we came across an old favorite of mine from college, A Serious Call to a Devout and Holy Life by William Law. Here is a quote that we just love (beware, his writings are from the 17th century):

"You are therefore to consider yourself as a being that has no other business in the world but to be that which God requires you to be. You are to have no rules of your own, to seek no self-designs or self-ends, but to fill some place and act some part in strict conformity and thankful resignation to the divine pleasure. Such resignation to the divine will signifies a cheerful approbation and thankful acceptance of everything that comes from God. It is not enough patiently to submit, but we must thankfully receive and fully approve of everything that by the order of God's providence happens to us...Whenever, therefore, you find yourself disposed to uneasiness, or murmuring at anything that is the effect of God's providence over us, you must look upon yourself as denying either the wisdom or the goodness of God. For every complaint necessarily supposes this...A complaint always supposes ill usage."
(pp. 141-142)

After thinking about this quote, I am challenged to rethink my thoughtlife and my decision-making. I am making a personal vow to make no more complaints about this pregnancy, my aches and pains, my exhaustion or anything else that I am so tempted to think or say in these last three months of pregnancy.

Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."

And Philippians 2:14 says, "Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God, above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation among whom you appear as lights in the world..."

So, I invite you on this journey of no more complaining and not just patiently submitting. It is my goal, at the end of this pregnancy to be thanking God for and approving of this pregnancy. I pray that my will can one day be aligned with God's.

Patience

2009-07-22T20:33:00.001-07:00

Just earlier today, before our appointment, Nate and I were commenting on patience, as we looked at our squeeze bottle of ketchup. Since Nate can retain any type of information, he remembers movies and commercials better than anyone I know...so, he remembers the commercial for Heinz ketchup that said "Good things come to those who wait." This was back in the day when we had glass bottles that needed a little jiggling to get ketchup out. But we live in a world, where everyone is looking for the fastest and easiest way to do things.

Anyways, Nate and I had another doctor's appointment last week and have been reminded of how the hardest is yet to come, and we have more waiting to do. It is hard to imagine God expecting us to wait any longer or the end to come, but I know He will provide the strength. Our specialist couldn't be there for the ultrasound today due to jury duty, so we had a different doctor with us who spent at least 20 minutes talking to us and explaining things to us. Since our baby boy hasn't died yet, they are now expecting him to go full term. He is growing regularly and still moving. He will come spontaneously like any normal baby, and we will deliver him like we have our two other girls. He will look a little different, but for the most part, he will be a normal baby with a super large abdomen. He will struggle to take his first breath and then turn blue.

I remember when we found out about his obtructed bladder at 10 weeks, and I found comfort in the idea that we could miscarry soon and "this would all be over with." As the weeks go by, and the doctor's reassured us that he will most likely die in the womb, I found comfort again in knowing we could start all over soon. But now that we have been informed that he will most likely live a comfortable but squooshed life for 16 more weeks inside of me, and I will have to labor and birth him like normal, I am discouraged. It seems like a lot of waiting. A lot of sadness. How can I bear this? How can I feel kicking daily, get larger by the week, take a glucose test, take a tour of the new UCLA hospital, and begin to have appointments more often, without being too sad! Without feeling like it is "all for nothing."

One of Annabelle's all time favorite songs is "What a Friend We Have in Jesus". And as we sing it, I am reminded of how I must pray without ceasing. The song says,

"What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and grief to bear.
What a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer.
Oh, what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry, everything to God in prayer."

I also need to remind myself of how God has numbered the days of my son and knows him more intimately than I ever could. I am constantly being tested as to who I live for and what I find joy in. If I find joy in life's circumsances, I will not always be able to find joy in life. A couple of friends and I meet every other week to pray for each other and make sure we are keeping our life on track. We started off asking each other "What has robbed you of your joy this week?" It was a great question to get us thinking of where are priorities had gone wrong and where we need to turn things over to God. Well, this week, I have let my joy be robbed by my impatience. By my disappointment that God won't just heal my baby and give me a "happy" and "easy" life. I often catch myself say, "Ok God, I have learned that you are in control....now, can it be all over. What more do I have to learn?"

Well, pray that I can find joy in the waiting, knowing God is good. I don't want to settle for a land that isn't as plentiful as what God has waiting for me. I know He is blessing us in this trial. I cannot see all the good He has planned for us.

Here is a pic just to make you smile.....it always does me:)

Taste and See the Lord is Good

2009-07-10T13:40:00.000-07:00

Sorry for not blogging for over a month. I think about blogging every other day, but I am truly trying to "look well to the way of my household and not eat the bread of idleness" as Proverbs 31:27 exhorts all women to do. And truly, it takes all my energy every day to make sure I do that well, and still, I often fail. However, I have been having so much "fun", if you can call it that, scheduling my days, getting ahead on grocery shopping, planning and cooking, cleaning and organizing, that I truly do forget or lose energy to correspond with all my friends.

With that said, I do want to update you with info from our last doctor's appointment. Our last ultrasound informed us that the bladder is now twice the size of the baby and the baby is getting harder and harder to spot in the ultrasound. His heart is still beating like crazy, but they are confident the heart will stop beating long before the due date in the beginning of November. I was grateful to God for having the doctor share with us that because our baby's condition was so escalated so early on in the pregnancy, there was truly nothing we could have done to intervene and try and "fix" things. It was nice to know there was nothing we could have done. Our specialist had never explained to us why; he simply said that there was nothing we could do. It was hard for me to trust him, since so many people have told us to seek out intervention. But Nate trusted God with providing this doctor, so I submited, and now I see the fruit of that. I also see the fruit of submission to Nate in my early decision to not choose a home birth. Since my first two birthing experiences were so great, I was hoping to do a home birth, but Nate loved UCLA and didn't think it necessary to have a home birth, especially since it would be an extra cost. Well, come to find out, having a homebirth and working solely with a midwife, I would not have had an ultrasound until 20 weeks into the prenancy. That means I would not have found out of this problem with the baby until just a few weeks ago. I am so grateful I have known as long as I have and have been able to slowly grieve. I was not happy with Nate's decision, but now I see the fruit of submitting to him:)

Our next step is to make official burial arrangements. We are praying for God to provide financially for the burial, and it is exciting to see how He is beginning to do that. It is so great to know that God will take care of us and we need not worry about anything, even crazy expensive burials! Our next appointment is July 22nd, and if there is not heartbeat at that time, I will be induced. IF there is a heartbeat, then we will wait until the next doctor's appointment. I still feel him moving like crazy, so I am confident there will be a heartbeat in two weeks, but you never know what God has planned.

It has been crazy to think that God made my baby this way, and it wasn't just a product of this sinful world and our bodies not working properly, but I can't refute what the Bible says. He forms us in the womb, and we are fearfully and wonderfully made. He is our maker. He didn't just make Adam and Eve and let humanity do the rest. He makes all of us. So, I have found much comfort knowing that God loves him more than I can, and He made him this way and will be near to Him in this process.

I have been leading a Bible Study on 2 Peter this summer with some girls from church, and we were studying the idea of treating the Scriptures as a light in this dark world. We so often forget how dark it is. I encourage you all to hold onto them, read God's word and never forget how dark this world is. My friend encouraged me to remember Psalm 34:8 that says "O taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!" He is not only our light, but He must be our food. Not all of you are going through tough times like me, but you will. And it is helpful to be FULL on God's word before you have to go through the rough times. So, as I try to discipline myself to eat of God's word, I encourage you to do the same.

Happy eating:)

3 am

2009-06-01T07:43:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the delay in updating all of you, my faithful prayer warriors, but life seems to get busy when tough things come. Plus, when Nate is home for long periods of time, I pretty much disappear.

Last Wednesday, we had another appointment with our specialist, and the ultrasound showed us that things have progressed and the bladder and kidneys are much larger now. The bladder is between four and six inches in diameter, and in the photo below, it is the large black circle above the baby. Again, it was a terribly hard day. The doctor can't tell us much in what to expect or what may happen. So, we have to continue waiting for the unknown. But it was great to have my mom watch the kids at UCLA so we could see them right after the appointment. They are such a blessing, and I always need to be reminded of what God has given me when I am tempted to dwell on this tough circumstance. I am hopeful God is going to use this hard time for Nate and me to bring others to a saving faith in Jesus Christ. This time, the doctor actually cracked a smile and asked us how we were doing. We are slowing developing a relationship with him, and I pray it can be fruitful.

What do I ask you to pray for? That my eyes can be fixed on the Creator, the one I can truly have hope in. The past few nights, the girls have gotten up in the middle of the night for some reason or another, and I find myself crying in bed. It always ends up being around 3 am, and it is tough to shake. Nate has been so gracious and sweet to me, but it is hard to know I am going to experience this totally differently than he will. I have been so convicted about the idols in my life. I was listening to a sermon the other day that was reminding us that whatever devastates us, shows us who we are truly worshiping. I must have been worshiping the idea of having a baby. I love being pregnant, giving birth and being a mom so much, that this is truly devastating. I need my focus to change. I am not living for this life, but for the next. That is SO hard to daily remember.

On the other hand, I have some major praises. Nate has been promoted to Captain, and little miss Annabelle has Potty Power, and she now tell us when she has to go (most of the time:). My friend and I are starting a Bible Study for the summer, and I am excited to see what God will do! God is good, but life can be hard.

This morning I had to write down some things that remind of who God is...

Oh God,

You are patient with me

You withhold no good thing to those who trust in You

You give strength to the weary

Your yoke is easy and burden light

You are my Comforter and Counselor

You lead and guide, never forsaking

You are forever, and I am but a vapor

I love all of you who are praying for me...thank you for showing me true fellowship and how the body of Christ really is so spectacular.

Family Time

2009-05-11T22:30:00.000-07:00

Nope, we have no news. Our next doctor's appointment is on May 27th, so we do appreciate your prayers for strength that day. Of course, we are praying for a miracle, whatever that may look like. God blessed us with a family mini vacation last week that we had planned for awhile. The timing was perfect. Here are several pictures from our fun time. We definitely have nothing to complain about!

God is Good

2009-04-29T19:57:00.000-07:00

I know that I have been the bearer of bad news lately, and I am sorry for that. Well, today was a day Nate and I never thought we would have to face. We went in for a follow-up appointment, since we are 12 weeks pregnant, only to find out that our baby has major complications. The baby has an enlarged bladder due to outflow blockage. It was a day we had waited for, the day we would find out we were having a boy, but it was coupled with much sadness. We were informed that the baby would either miscarry, die soon after birth or be born with severe problems. Since the baby cannot release fluids, the amniotic fluid will be low, resulting in underdeveloped lungs, and the kidneys will be underdeveloped due to the amount of blockage from the bladder. We know God is in control, knowing He CAN do anything, but He doesn't always do what we want. I pray our baby is healed completely, but moreover, I pray for God's will. The song "Blessed Be Your Name" from the Vegie Tales CD has been playing in our car for days now, and it rings true in my life right now. Below are the lyrics, just in case you want to pray for us....we are praying through these words hoping that the pain will only lead us closer to Blessing God's Name:)

Blessed Be Your name

In the land that is plentiful

Where Your streams of abundance flow

Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name

When I’m found in the desert place

Though I walk through the wilderness

Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out

I’ll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name

When the sun’s shining down on me

When the world’s ‘all as it should be'

Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there’s pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out

I’ll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name

The Unknown

2009-03-16T14:30:00.000-07:00

So, in the last week, I have been battling an outbreak of MRSA again. There were two days where the pain was so bad and affected my whole body, that I could barely do anything around the house. Thanks be to God that Nate was home and able to help so much...I owe him so much thanks. This time has caused me to think about 1)what pain does to a person, 2)what causes people in pain to be discouraged, and 3)what people in pain really need.

Pain that affects the total body and mind can do crazy things to a person's thoughts and emotions. You can become so discouraged that you see no reason for doing most of the things you used to find joy in doing. You launch yourself into this viscious cycle of depression because of the UNKNOWN. How long will it last? Will it ever end? Is it my fault? Is there something I could have done to prevent this? How can I go on like this? And without God, the unknown is stressful, scary and depressing. It is no wonder this can result in countless addictions. My pain only lasted two days until it began to clear up, but I have such a compassion for those people with a lifetime of pain. It messes with your mind. You can't see clearly.

The timing of this is so funny. Lately, I have been sharing with Nate that I need encouragement. I love encouraging others, so I never thought it would be difficult for someone to encourage another, but the response Nate often gives me, is "I don't know how to encourage you or what to say." And this can be so discouraging. But through this painful time last week, I realized what true encouragement is amidst the unknown. I need to be reminded of what is KNOWN. I don't need to hear that it will be ok or another list of things I should be doing. A list of ways to love God in this moment of pain is overwhelming. When I was lost in the abyss of the unknown, and truthfully, still am, since who knows when this will actually go away, I learned that encouragement is simply reminding me of who God is, how faithful He has been and will be. Remind me of who is in control, and then I don't have to focus on myself anymore. This has definitely helped me in being able to more clearly ask Nate for help. Now, I just ask him to read scripture to me, since the pain was so bad I couldn't focus to read. I just need to know who God is and how He is faithful. That gives true hope and joy in the midst of any trial.

Hopefully this helps any of you who will ever be in pain.

As of now, my sore is gone, and life is back to normal, but prayer for a full recovery and fully getting rid of this infection would be grately appreciated. Thank you.

A Total Meltdown

2009-03-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

So, today I thought it be a great day to go through all the clothes I have in the dresser and the closet for the girls, getting rid of winter clothes and clothes too small. We have countless bins of hand-me-downs for Annabelle and we have all the clothes Annabelle wore just a short year ago. As I was in the middle of this process, and while the girls were climbing through the mounds of clothes and "helping" me fold clothes and hang others up, I started to tear up. I saw all the cute little clothes Annabelle had worn last summer on our family vacations, and I pictured how little she was. And then I began to cry, because I started to think about how precious and little Ava was last summer. As I was reorganizing the bins of clothes, I looked back at all the little itsy bitsy newborn clothes and looked ahead in the hand-me-downs of 3T and 4T clothes for Annabelle.

They grow up so fast, and I just couldn't handle it. I don't usually get this sentimental, but I guess it has been that kind of month. Ava wants to eat big girl food in a booster seat just like her big sister. Annabelle wants to eat baby food and sit in the bumbo seat like Ava:) So silly. Annabelle can have full on conversations with me, while Ava is starting to communicate with signs. Ava is taking steps now, and she is sooooo proud of herself. I just put some pajamas on Ava tonight that Annabelle seriously wore last year while we were living at our parent's house. I was still pregnant with Ava, and now she is almost ONE!!! It goes too fast, and sometimes I feel like I don't get to take it all in before it flies away. I try and capture every first and every last, and I try and forget the small stuff so I can enjoy them, but I have found that no matter how much you "take it all in" and enjoy all the chaos, they still grow up and you still miss it. There is no way to get out of that mourning, except to look ahead and know that every stage will be just as exciting.

So, now I am organized but an emotional mess:) But on a serious note, I am soooo excited I am organized, at least in their room. And next, I am onto reorganizing their playroom and its closet. I have been reading up a lot on organizing toys and keeping toys out of reach, teaching children to ask to get toys out and to clean them up and trade them in when they want to get other toys out. They end up enjoying toys more, getting less bored, and needing less new toys for excitement. If I have peaked your interest, check this site out. It is pretty helpful. http://www.parenthacks.com/2007/04/toy_library_pro.html

Grace to you and peace!

Titus 2

2009-02-17T13:48:00.000-08:00

I really like the perspective the Maxwell family has on raising children, and I subscribe to their monthly newsletter via email. This one really strikes a cord with me, and hopefully it will for you too:) Their website is http://www.titus2.com/ if you want to read more.

Bickering, Complaining, and Time Pressure Part 1

Recently, I received a request for a Mom's Corner. Since it asks questions that come up fairly frequently, I thought the e-mail would make a good Mom's Corner introduction.

"I was just reading your latest Mom's Corner and was wondering about you addressing something in the future. We are trying to raise five children, ages six years down to eight months, in the way God would want. I am having difficulty with bickering, bickering, and more bickering. The children complain about having to do chores and not getting enough play time because they have to do school. We are homeschooling. I try to explain that we help each other and should treat each other as we would have others treat us. Also of note . . . I feel my time is so divided, especially with twin eight-month-olds. I don't feel like I have the time to do all the things that need to be done, such as when it comes to get the children to listen and be kind to each other. I know that this should be the priority, but it seems too hard." Mom to Five

There are three key areas that were addressed in this e-mail that I believe any mom with more than one child will experience. The first has to do with how one deals with continual squabbling between siblings, especially young ones. The second question involves children who complain about having to work and do school. The final one is the mom's issue rather than the children's problem, but having children and homeschooling certainly compounds the struggle this mom is experiencing of time pressures.The heart and root of the children's difficulties can be nicely addressed during family Bible time. As the family is in the Word every day, Dad can draw the children's attention to Scripture that applies to the problems at hand. In Steve's Dad's Corner this month, he is discussing this same e-mail and how Dad can be a part of the solution. He is giving dads ideas of how they can use family Bible time to help their children spiritually. It is important for Mom to be communicating with Dad the struggles she is seeing in the children's lives because she is the one who is around the children the most, and she is aware of what is happening in the hearts of the children.

While I believe family Bible time is the starting place for attacking the heart issues that cause both bickering and complaining, we still need to know how to deal with it every time it happens in daily life. A key ingredient in this process is what we, as moms, do with our thoughts when we continually have to face sibling squabbles and a child's complaining. We have two choices concerning our thoughts. Will we be filled with anger, self pity, and worry? Will we take our thoughts captive?

"Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5).One way to take our thoughts captive is to have correct expectations. Expect that raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4) is a long-term process. It is going to take time, consistency, perseverance, prayer, and just plain hard work. Don't expect that you focus on the problem for a week and then have children who no longer are unkind to each other. Instead be grateful for each situation that arises and the opportunity it affords to pray for, disciple, and correct your children—all important aspects of raising them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. When this is our mindset, it is easier to patiently respond to the situations that arise with the children throughout each day.

"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us" (Hebrews 12:1). As mothers, bringing up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is part of the spiritual race that is set before us. We must address the sin in our own lives, and then run that race with patience.If we are regularly angry with the children over their wrong attitudes, then that is sin in our hearts that we must address. They are simply mirroring what they observe in us.

"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" (Ephesians 4:31-32).

These verses not only tell us that anger is sin, but they also give us an antidote, which is particularly applicable to mothers, for that sin: kindness and tenderheartedness. When a mom is correcting her children for their bickering or complaining, if she will pull the child to her, hug the child, and put a few kisses on him before she begins to deal with the child's problem, she will find her heart softening toward the child. It will help her not be angry with him and be able to gently admonish him, giving any necessary consequences without being harsh.Are we crying out to the Lord Jesus for victory over the sin that we know is in our lives? We are dependent on the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

"Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live" (Romans 8:12-13). It is through the Spirit that we take our thoughts captive and mortify the sin in our lives.

There is much more that I would like to share regarding the questions posed in the introductory e-mail of this article. The starting place is family time in the Word that takes Scripture and makes it applicable to the daily problems our children are facing. The next step involves Mom's expectations of her children and her determination to see this project as a long-term one, which she tackles with perseverance and patience. She has to take her thoughts captive so that she isn't dwelling on the negative. Then Mom wants to look into her own heart to evaluate whether there is sin in her life that might be contributing to the children's sin. May we be women who use every difficulty we face to turn our faces to the One Who can help us, Jesus Christ. Teri Maxwell

Our little blessings

2009-02-01T20:07:00.001-08:00

A Meek and Quiet Spirit

2009-01-26T07:40:00.000-08:00

I Peter 3:1-4 says, "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external - braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God."

Do you ever hear yourself say "poor me?”, wishing your husband would do more around the house or with the kids? Do you ever find yourself getting angry or frustrated when your children wake up early from naps, interrupting your "me time" of the day? I do . If Ava wakes up at 6am and not 7:30 like normal, I feel like I have lost out on my morning alone. I am not a joyful person when I go to pick her up from the crib. Sometimes my workload and all the expectations of everyone around me can seem overwhelming. In these times, I am robbed of that meek and quiet spirit.

Meek - mild of temper, soft, gentle, not easily provoked or irritated
Quiet - peaceable, not turbulent, not giving offense, mild, meek and contented.

Ouch! I am definitely not meek and quiet. Instead I find myself feeling bitterness, loneliness and anger/frustration. My focus is often on myself and not on the Lord. I need take captive my thoughts as Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 10:5.God has pointed me toward scripture for encouragement.....He created me as a help mate to my husband. How often I have it the other way around?! God has called me to be a mother and a wife, and that requires helping my husband in every way and training my children. Both can be difficult. Both can be overwhelming. And both can seem lonely at times. But they don't have to be.

I have always struggled with becoming easily frustrated or irritated with Nate, and now my children. I have been so convicted of whether I truly love them or not, for God says, "Love is patient, love is kind." In the NKJV, it says, "Charity suffereth long, and is kind." Am I truly willing to suffer long for my husband and children? I have been desiring a gentle spirit ever since I had Annabelle, and along with gentleness comes meekness and quietness.

Anger is something so heavy on my heart, because I am now realizing how I display it every hour of the day, either through irritation or impatience. Anger and bitterness creep into these situations when I am more concerned about my inconveniences or difficulties than I am about my child's long-term character growth or my service to God through serving my husband. But I have confidence that the Joy of the Lord can be my strength. He has not called me to do more than He will provide time or energy for. When my focus is right, I will work diligently and for the Lord, and then I will be grateful for anything my husband does to help or anytime my daughters do well and obey.

A few things that have been helpful lately that Nate and I have been working on are:
* Consistent discipline with predetermined consequences
* Always speaking softly and gently...always
* Taking time out of the day to simply train Annabelle to do those things that I seem to nag herabout because I expect her to do them well already.
* Always have high goals for the kids but low expectations. I find that I can become frustrated or lose patience when my expectations for the kids aren't met. But as long as I expect them to fail and still need training, then I can remain calm and patient.

A little peer pressure:)

2008-12-21T01:02:00.000-08:00

So, a couple of friends and I are trying to spur each other on in Christ, and one of the ways we are doing this is by memorizing scripture together. The hard part for me is that there are literally 50-100 verses I want to memorize. So, where do I start? Ot or NT? Having other people to suggest scripture and JUST DO IT really helps. We know that all scripture is God-breathed and useful for many things in our lives. We also know we are commanded to hide the word in our hearts.

Consider this an invitation to join in on the fun. For the next few weeks, I will be memorizing Philippians 2:1-18. If you aren't already actively memorizing scripture, come along for the ride. Once I started, I became addicted. God's word is alive and it gives me life as the Spirit divinely helps me recall scripture at the perfect moments. Hope you take me up on it:)

As for the pictures above, my dear friend and co-table leader at MOPS has a beautiful little girl, Lauren who turned 2 on December 18th. Since Annabelle's birthday is December 15th, she thought of the brilliant idea of having a mini b-day party for the two of them. Aren't they cute? Davis and Sader, Annabelle's cousins stopped by to join in on the fun as well. Exciting. Ava had a good time too. Thank you Ilka for supplying the Princess Party hats, necklaces, cupcakes and adorable kids! Happy Birthday girls:)