Sweet Starshine

I Never Meant To Stomp On Your Heart

2005-10-01T20:42:00.000-07:00

His timing is uncanny. He must have some sort of device that lets him know the worst times to call me. I think he enjoys pushing my buttons. His last comment was "Go drink something". That almost makes me sound like some sort of boozehound. Then the usual "It was just a joke" follows the comment. I hung up on him this time, so he left me a long winded message on my voice mail. I believe it went something like this: "I still have full service on my phone, so I'm guessing that you either lost service or hung up. I'm guessing you hung up because you didn't answer the phone when I called back. So call me back if you want". I've tried to explain to him that I don't want to be with him. I've got a commitment to follow through with and don't need someone wasting his life waiting for me. I haven't really known him all that long. I suppose the frosting on the cake is that he told me he loved me after only a day. It was nice to hear someone say it, but it was kind of creepy in a way. He looks at me as if he wants to sink his teeth into me and swallow me whole. I've toyed with the thought of settling because I know he'd be good to me, but I'm not that kind of woman. I have this soft spot for lost puppies like him, I find it hard to break their hearts. I always do in the end, no matter how gently I try to let them down. My famous last words to these lost puppies: Your love for me isn't worth the heartache. So just let go.

Let's Play

2005-10-01T18:47:00.000-07:00

You'd see beauty if you cut into me,
so grab a knife and let's play.
Slice me open, baby.
Take a look at what's inside.

Visual aspect brings on a new meaning,
When you see it from within.
Slide your hand in to feel the life,
Touch me like never before.

Find the source of my beating pain,
It lies beneath my sternum.
I love the sting of your discontent,
Of what you see before your eyes.

No palpitation of a nervous heart,
Just a hollow, aphotic cage.
Stuff me with your good intentions,
Mummify your precious snow queen.
Keep me on your mantle,
As a reminder of what you've lost.

Skin as pale as a winter wind.
Lips as red as a blood soaked rose.
Hair as black as the darkest night.
Eyes as fierce as a dagger through the throat.

I will be your porcelain doll,
My beauty will never be sufficed.
Forget me not as I lie in stitches,
Watching you from my tomb.

Feed Yourself

2005-10-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

Fingertips wander upon strange flesh.
My hunger becomes stale.
Starve the desire for something fresh.
My will becomes frail.

Aphotic eyes hunting a source.
My heart becomes bleak.
Severing life with no remorse.
My gaze becomes weak.

Decaying lips disguise jagged teeth.
My smile becomes livid.
Quench the thirst for what flows beneath.
My curse becomes vivid.

Cocoon

2005-10-01T18:42:00.000-07:00

Crawl out of my skin,
Back into the cocoon.
Silken strands veil my emotions.
Barely escaping your touch,
Hands tempered in time.

Yours is a kiss that was never meant to be,
Lips of a wanted thief.
Flames have been ignited,
No embers left behind.
Smoldering clouds blown aside.

Harassed by your words,
Licking my ears with a dry tongue.
Leave your leash on the floor,
Keep the collar around your neck.
Left you tied to the post for days,
Begging for release.

Camouflaged demon,
Angel by your standards
Unable to see through my disguise,
Paralyzed by my sting.

Break free from the cocoon,
Wings extended.
Witness my true form,
Stand clear of my fury.

Growing Up To Become Myself

2005-10-01T12:37:00.000-07:00

If someone would have told me six years ago that I would become a soldier, I would have smacked them. I ship off October 31st for basic training. Each day that goes by between now and then I wonder if I have made a mistake. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing or if I made a split second decision. The opportunities that come with this commitment are spectacular. I will be able to get a 4 year degree in criminal justice like I've always wanted to. The money I will make will set me on my way to becoming a home owner. Is the price of war worth a nice home?