Oh, snap!

a greeting from the mist!

2006-12-24T18:32:00.000-08:00

Hello good people. I hope that no one is reading this blog any longer...I stopped writing in it when I got a teaching job because my job gobbled by life up like an enormous fish with a gaping, child-filled mouth. So here's the story. I started a job at a KIPP school teaching 5th grade social studies in July. I taught for 3 weeks in July, went to the KIPP conference, worked in August on my room and curriculum, and started for real in September. I have not really slept or, for that matter, sat down, since then. I love the job, the school, and the kids though. It's an amazing experience. Everyone is so smart and hard-working and I can just relate to them because they are like me. It's so different than everything I've encountered in education before this. In 3 weeks at KIPP I learned more about teaching than I did in a whole year of grad school. The other teachers are incredible, and inspiring and everything. And the little kids are so dear...when they're not being tiny devils. But that's what 10 year olds are for I suppose. Anyway, I don't want to sound pollyannish, the school definitely has its problems. It has a REALLY long school day that's hard on the kids and hard on the teachers. I teach 3 90 minute classes, 2 45 minute homerooms, and 1 45 minute test prep/reading class. My schedule is such that I teach straight from 1 pm to 5 pm. It's killer. But it's totally worth it when I imagine the alternative work environment...public schools seem even crazier since I got to KIPP. Anyway, I don't want to write too much now because it'll be a boring overview. I'll try to write more as I go along, although it's difficult because I'm so busy and exhausted all the time. I've found myself saying things to kids like "I don't CARE about your ISSUES!" That's when I know I'm too tired. But it would be good to reflect too, so I'll try to keep this up this time.

Portfolio education

2006-05-25T12:13:00.000-07:00

So I have my big portfolio project due for school tomorrow. I'm mostly done. Phoning something in doesn't take that long. The project is basically a compilation of a number of different assignments we had over the course of the year in different classes: a statement of our "philosophy" of social studies education, a resume, some units on history or economics, the social justice action project and a social justice "inquiry brief," the usual suspects. We also have to organize it around a quirky/peppy theme. For example, one person did a wedding theme, with her assignments grouped under subthemes like "dating," "proposing," "wedding planning," etc. Another one from a past year was about an ordinary boy transforming into a popular superhero. One girl in my class did something akin to "Riding the equity bus to the state capitol." (Equity is a really big word these days. I don't know what happened to "equality," but it's out.) Anyway, the portfolio is supposed to signify the changes you go through in the master's program. But it's just so silly. I think back to my undergraduate days and I simply cannot imagine a professor giving such a childish assignment. Can you imagine turning in an academic paper with the title "Peter Parker transforms into Superman"? It's almost insulting. And we get a master's degree for this? I think the program knows how silly it is too, because some of the language they use to describe the project requirements just sound like fancy language trying to cover up for intellectual bankruptcy. Witness:

"The portfolio should be integrative, synthetic, and evaluative.

Translation: The portfolio should be big word to make me look smart, big word to confirm smartness, big word to blow their minds with the smartness.

"The portfolio is not a scrapbook, although it may resemble one, but a new creation which assimilates the diverse aspects of the candidate's experiences during the master's program."

Translation: The portfolio is a scrapbook. Get over it.

"The portfolio should be organized around a theme which will be set out in an introductory essay explicating and organizing the choice of materials."

Translation: Choose a theme. Write an essay on why you chose your theme. Explain the materials you included.

Introductory essay: "This essay should indicate the organizing schema governing the selection of the 'artifacts' of the student's teaching 'journey' contained within the portfolio.

Translation: Write an essay on why you chose your theme. Explain the materials you included.

Curriculum Units: "Please make sure to include content goals and skill goals. For these goals, state concisely why you have chosen to include them in your unit as well as insuring your instructional objectives derive from your unit goals."

Here's what JLo would say to this: "Girl, please. You would not know concise if it hit you with a wood cutout of the word 'explicate.'"

I called JLo and asked her. She said that's what she would say.

Social justice paper: "What role has any of the following played in social studies over the last several decades and how, if at all, do these topics relate to social justice?

--technology
--patriotism
--cognitive pluralism
--notions of self-actualization
--current events
--Supreme Court cases
--Economic opportunity
--Global education
--religion"

Does the inclusion of "self-actualization" mean we can use the book "I'm Ok, You're Ok" as a source? What if using that book would help me realize my full potential?

Social justice paper: "Your paper will be a reflection of your shared knowledge, acknowledged here as tentative and embryonic, of these signficant questions around social justice and social studies education."

Translation: Your paper will be about what you know and what your classmates know, which is not a lot. Your knowledge is, in fact, similar to a hesitant fetus.

Student teaching reflective papers: "What are the norms, practices, rituals, customs, values, power structures, group affiliations, and status systems that define and shape your classroom setting?

Well, let's see. We usually start off by sacrificing a goat on the altar of Mammon, cuz he's our favorite god. Then Raquita, who is the Queen Bee of the Nest, leads us through a little blood-letting and some chanting while Michael, affiliated with the school's most elite acapella group, tends the burning incense. Everyone gives a tithe to me, the Dragon Mother, and after that we start the Do Now.

That's all for today. I have to go finish my portfolio.

comments

2006-05-12T20:36:00.000-07:00

There were some really interesting comments on the last post. I'd like to say that I agree with the commentor who said that not all schools should be like KIPP schools. Obviously education is not a one size fits all type of joint. There should be choices, for parents and for students. Choice is part of the appeal of the charter school movement, and something that I think makes it so promising. In our society, we are obsessed with choice. New brands and flavors and colors are constantly cropping up, competing for our attention. And yet we are somehow afraid of letting people choose schools, as if the whole world would fall around us. Well, wealthy people have school choice because they have money. Less wealthy people should have choice too.

Having a choice, rather than something pushed on you, really creates a level of buy-in. If all schools were charter schools (it's ok, breathe), parents would have a tremendous level of choice as to where to send their child. The schools with the best records, teachers, and programs would be in high demand (and could be allocated money to expand), whereas the bad schools would have to improve or be pushed to the side. Even though there aren't huge profits in education, I think with some kind of market forces in place you will have schools cropping up if there is a demand for them. For example, if too many kids are getting kicked out of charter schools, more schools for kids with EBD will step in to fill the void. Believe it or not, there are people willing and able to help kids like that, and the state has allocated money for them. The DOE is so incredibly inefficient right now, in so many ways, that introducing any kind of market forces (through school choice, teacher selection, merit pay, etc) will free up money to be funneled into areas that need it, like special ed.

This is rambly assortment of ideas with no order imposed, so bear with me.

As for expulsion, I have a child in my class who was asked to leave a KIPP school in the 8th grade. He has a load of emotional/behavioral problems that prevent him from being able to handle such a structured environment. However, he is also the smartest kid in my class. A lot of the knowledge he has he learned at KIPP. He scores 4's on all his state exams. Now, he is a naturally smart young kid, but he didn't learn what he knows from watching TV. And his home life has been so chaotic for so long that the only possibility, I think, is that he learned at school. So even though he was expelled, I think he really did benefit from being at that school.

Furthermore, for a school to create a certain kind of culture, the power to ultimately expel a student has to be there. So let's say 3 kids out of a school of 75 kids are expelled in one year. If expelling those 3 kids was necessary (and often, it is) to maintain the culture and safety of the school for the other 72, does that mean we need to shut down the school? As for screening, even if there is some selection based on motivated parents and door-knocking, all the data shows that the students who enter these schools are almost identical to students at the neighborhood schools. Same low test scores, same income levels, same ethnic/racial backgrounds, same obstacles. That small sliver of selection cannot, in my view, ever overshadow the difference in gains between KIPP-type charter school kids and neighborhood public school kids. Let's say there were 5 KIPP schools in one area instead of 1. Maybe, because the program is so rigorous and not for everyone, those five schools would only help 3-4 times the number of students that the 1st one did. Does that mean those other 5 are not worth having? Just because not every kid can succeed (and many can) at a particular charter school does not provide a reason to shut down that school. That's just stupid. The purpose of a free public education is not to keep all kids at the same mediocre levels. If one school is doing things better than another, complain about the second school, not the first! Let's stop attacking things that work so we can cover our own asses.

As for the comment about preparing every kid for public office--yello? Isn't that what American democracy is all about? An assumption that everyone has the potential to be what he creates himself to be, and not what he was born as? Listen, if the kid is not interested in that path, fine. But how am I supposed to tell which kids should be afforded privileges? Which kids get the keys to power and which don't? If a sixth grader is unmotivated to do math, that doesn't mean he can't someday be an engineer. I don't think I have the right to select which students get which knowledge. I have to push them all, try to motivate them all. When they're older, then they can make a choice. Which is why I would definitely support a greater variety of high-quality high schools (charter high schools? eh? eh?)--vocational, professional, college prep, whatever. Students at that age are a little more self-aware.

Aaaanyway, I shall end with some typical whining, since that is really the true essence of this blog. My students are going nuts! They're 8th graders and want OUT of the school. This week 6 of them were suspended for having a crayon fight in another class. I believe I heard the phrase "the air was thick with crayons," or something to that effect. One little boy, who is constantly in trouble, saw what was about to start, got up, and ran out of the room, stating "I am not about to get expelled for no crayon fight." I was proud of his self-restraint. It's funny though, about this suspension punishment, since last week in class one of my students made an incredibly obscene remark/insult to another student (this was the worst behavior incident I have seen in my class) and was sent to the office. And yet, the very same day, she was playing in the championship basketball game. Oh, did I mention she's the star player? Right. Great message to send. Oh well, that's life. And at a charter school, no less! :)

apologies to the social justice project for misdirected anger

2006-05-09T19:25:00.000-07:00

Seems I hit a bit of a nerve on some people with the last entry. I understand some of the complaints--what's wrong with a little social justice here and there? etc. It's not that this assignment, standing alone, is so onerous. But it is part of a program that has consistently emphasized ideology, a particular and unbending view of urban education (that has, over the last 30 years, utterly failed, if we take the current situation as an assessment) and vague terms like "social justice" over concrete realities.

Social justice, at its root, is about change. We want to change the way our society works so that everyone can have the opportunity to create the lives they want. But if social justice succeeds only if change occurs, then we have to measure that change. We have to know if we have accomplished what we set out to do. If we don't measure, or even attempt to measure, all we are doing is patting ourselves on the back and convincing ourselves, without evidence, that we have done something good. Something good means change. Change must be measured.

So. What would be measurable social justice in reference to education? The ability for all students, regardless of income or race, to achieve at high levels. What is a "high level"? To me it is the ability to compete economically, socially, and politically with kids from suburban and private schools who have been drilled and tutored their entire lives. "Competing" means a) the ability to obtain a job with middle class, family-supporting wages, b) the ability to enter into and graduate from (there is an enormous difference between the two) 4 year academic institutions, c) the ability to obtain elite professional jobs reserved for only the most highly educated, d) the ability to run for, and win, public office. I am making no judgment as to whether anybody should or should not hold a,b,c, or d as goals. But withholding opportunity for others based on my own personal life preferences is morally reprehensible. I had all these opportunities. I chose not to take some of them. But I had a choice. Many kids don't, and that is unjust.

So now we have some social justice goals to work toward. Now we need to figure out how to achieve them. We could just sit around and think about it, and perhaps come up with one or two good ideas. But a much more efficient method would be to go out and see who is already achieving the goals we set out for ourselves. If we observe many different schools in many different places that are helping their kids obtain skill levels to accomplish a,b,c, and d, then we can analyze what each of these places has in common.

The tricky part is working backward from a,b,c, and d--we need to figure out what these goals look like in grade school, middle school, and high school. Let's focus on middle school for a second. We will use math and literacy test scores. This is a controversial move, but let's think through it. We have suburban kids being able to achieve certain levels on literacy and math tests. They are the ones who, currently, end up having the choices a,b,c, and d because of the special privileges life has afforded them. So if we have urban schools whose students achieve parity with, or outperform, these students on academic measures, then we have at least a rough indicator that a school is doing something right. Tests may not be the be-all and end-all of educational achievement, but let's face it: our kids should not be failing these tests. They are ridiculously, sadly easy. And they aren't some kind of tests from space with symbols no one recognizes. Math tests assess the ability to do math, reading tests assess the ability to read.

So, IF we can agree that tests show SOMETHING about how a school's children are being educated, THEN we can find the urban schools that are succeeding. It's an imperfect measure, but what else do we have? People argue that tests don't assess "creativity," "critical thinking," "passion," etc. But these things are essentially un-measurable. We can hide behind them, and say they are the only things that matter, but then we are back to the problem we started with: if we aren't willing to measure change, then we will never know if we have achieved social justice. And ignorance is the same as failure. Or we can accept these tests as imperfect but revealing.

Maybe I have lost some of you with the testing. If you can explain to me a better way to measure how students are doing on a large scale (social justice is nothing if not large scale), then please do so.

So now, the urban school systems that are succeeding at social justice as we have defined it here: KIPP, Achievement First, Yes Prep, Uncommon Schools. Individual schools: Roxbury Prep, North Star Academy, Amistad Academy, MATCH School, Excellence Charter School of Bedford-Stuyvesant, Academy of the Pacific Rim, Bronx Prep, Boston Collegiate, and on and on. I encourage you to look up any and all information you can on these schools. Look at their scores, look at their student populations, look at their gains, look at how many of their kids are going to college. It's astounding.

What do all these schools have in common? Dreaded things. Traditional curricula, long school days, long school years, excellent teachers on call 24/7, administrators dedicated, obsessed with, student achievement, discipline, uniforms, insistence upon doing homework, insistence on parental involvement, rewards, character development. No bullshit. Hard work. Year after year. KIPP Academy has been the top-scoring middle school in math and reading for 11 years. It just works.

These schools focus on academics, whole-heartedly. They give their students perspectives, but first and foremost they expect students to work their hearts out and learn and learn. It's brutal sometimes, but these schools are communities, the kids love them. They help one another, they participate, they want to do well, they have community meetings where they sing and dance and cheer. Go visit one of these schools sometime. It makes you cry.

The teachers in these schools are experienced. They are the best and the brightest. They come from often disastrous public school environments where they had to figure everything out on their own. My question is: why can't ed schools learn from these schools? Why can't they take what those teachers have learned (and what has been proven to work) and show it to us? Why do we have to do social justice projects when nobody cares about how effective we are at teaching children what they need to know???? I swear, literacy should be the first item on any list devoted to social justice, and yet it is like a ghost in the hallways at ed school.

I complain and whine because I am angry. I am angry because I want to be like the teachers in these schools, but no one at my school will tell me how. They are against charter schools, against long school days, against traditional education. Even when they know these things work. One of my instructors told me that KIPP was bad because it "makes kids go to school too much." But what if that's just what it takes to achieve true social justice? How can you be so hypocritical?

The anger heaped upon the social justice project is disproportionate because it represents the anger I feel all the time, with everything. With wanting to learn how to make a difference and being shot down at every turn. With caring about urban kids and being told that I really actually don't. With seeing students thrive and being told I am seeing wrong. I'm sorry this was so long. It's been exhausting to write and I should have left it for another time. I have to go to sleep; I have another day of mucking through my own mistakes, trying desperately, and failing, to be good.

social freaking justice

2006-04-26T19:04:00.000-07:00

I am writing, as usual, so that you will share my pain with me. I have to do an assignment for my student teaching seminar which will also be included in my "portfolio" (due in a month. Have I started? Of course not. Do I care? Not at all). I have been putting off this project all year because I think it is the epitome of the essence of quintessential bullshit. You know, it doesn't even warrant the gift of calling it bullshit, because I would much rather do something related to, or in conjunction with, the poop of cows, rather than this assignment. This is more like death by a thousand tiny but stupid lasers.

The assignment is a Social Justice Action Project. What is that, you ask? I answer: something that makes me want to weep and also whirl around and around like the Tasmanian Devil or a Dervish until I start to drill into the ground and then, upon entering the core of the earth, are exempted from this assignment. Here are the instructions I was given:

VII – Social Justice Culminating Project – Due April 13, 2006

Drawing upon your coursework and student teaching experiences related to diversity and social justice issues, develop and enact a social justice project. As a student teacher, you must check with your cooperating teacher and school on the viability of whatever project you decide to pursue. Choose one of the following options:

Invite a guest speaker to your class who will speak on issues of political accountability and educational equity. This person might be a local political office holder or a community activist. Following the speakers presentation, develop and instructional activity to be used with students that draws upon the presentation that was heard.
Develop a reading buddies program for your students, where they are paired with elementary students and engaged in an after-school literacy endeavor. You may choose to make this an extra-credit project for your students.
Involve your class in community activism. This might include student participation in a community event such as New York Cares Day.
If your school already has a service learning program in place, involve your class in one of the projects.
Develop a professional development experience for teachers that attempts to address and remediate the most pressing social justice issue at the school. Present your ideas to your colleagues at the school.
Develop and implement your own justice-oriented action project.

Your presentation of the social justice action project should include the following components:

An introductory description of the activist project (2 pages):

Page 1: How do you conceptualize a justice-oriented citizen? How do you make meaning of social justice and connect it to justice-oriented citizenship? How have your experiences as a high school student and as a student teacher exposed you to differences in resource allocation in schools?
Page 2: Which of the above action projects did you choose? What was the purpose of the project? Explain the features of the project you developed.

Lesson Plans: How will you debrief with your students? Will they have written reflective assignments? A class discussion? Please provide a detailed plan for how you will help students make meaning of their experiences, and think about future civic involvement.

A reflective journal describing the process of the project: What was your time frame for developing and enacting the project? What bureaucratic barriers did you encounter? How did you go about organizing the project? How did your colleagues and students react to the project? Was the experience meaningful for you and your students? Will you attempt these types of action projects in your future career?

Crazy, right? My personal favorite idea is to develop a social justice professional development for the teachers at my school. I can only imagine how they would react to something like that. I would probably be skinned alive. Another thing that I like is the reflective journal. Don't we all love reflective journals? I know I do. No one asks us to keep reflective journals on our teaching, or whether our kids are actually learning a goddam thing, but we have to keep a reflective journal on the process of a social justice action project that is ill-defined and which no one seems to be able to explain the purpose of? GREAT. THANK YOU, ED SCHOOL. I'm sure this is going to be so helpful to me in the future. Especially if I am on a game show called "Name That Ridiculous Ideological Nightmare" or "Things I Am Ashamed of" or "Something that Will Never, Ever Help a Student; Not Ever." Although I guess I haven't heard of a game show title with a semi-colon in it. But hey, I also had never heard of a social justice action project, and yet here it is.

The next question is: what am I going to do? Well, that was my question two days ago when I called my Mom crying and asked, "What am I going to do?" My biggest problem, other than the fact that I think taking up school time with this ridiculous nonsense is not only a waste of time but actually morally questionable (given the obviously partisan tone of the project and how far behind my students are in real school), was that I have my class of kids only 3 times a week. In the next month, seeing them 3 times a week, I have to get these kids from Industrialization through World War II. I have calculated that I have less than 5 days for all of World War I. So even one class period is precious. I could do it after school, but I actually use that time to plan actual lessons. That kids will actually learn from. So I was upset and convinced I wouldn't graduate. Which, considering, would not be too disappointing. As it is, I plan to never speak of this school or degree ever again, unless I have to. "Do you have any master's degrees, Laura?" they'll ask. "Only from the school of hard knocks," I'll say. Anyway, my mom, being a very sensible lady, pointed out that I am teaching the Gilded Age right now, and had a lesson coming up on the vast gap between rich and poor, and that I could use that! Think of it! Doing a for an assignment in grad school! She is truly brilliant. Seriously, people, you just wish you had a mom like mine. She flies and stuff.

So now it is time to write this up. I'm somewhat afraid that I will be failed on this assignment. However, I will keep my dignity and self-respect anyway. I will keep you updated. Send your prayers, or, if you have the power, please fire the people responsible for this project. Hey, you never know who's reading. (i.e. God).

funny blog

2006-04-23T19:18:00.000-07:00

My friend has a really funny blog dedicated to his love for Taco Bell and his rage that there aren't any in Midtown. Check it out:

tacobellchampion.blogspot.com

some updates

2006-04-23T19:14:00.000-07:00

--My bus ride back from Boston last week featured a crying baby (well, sometimes crying, sometimes just loud high-pitched happy noises), an 80 degree bus, and traffic so bad that it took us 45 minutes to get from 60th St to 42nd street, which then caused class lateness and panic. Feel sorry for me. I sure did.

--Interviews went pretty well. Fingers crossed for my first real paying job in 2 years.

--Have to do a portfolio to graduate from ed school. Has to have some kind of "cohesive theme" that "illustrates our journey" through the year. I'm thinking "Frustration," "Disappointment," or "Seething fury." Suggestions welcome.

oh man

2006-04-07T10:59:00.000-07:00

Things have been crazy busy here on the home front. (I suppose I shouldn't say that, since we are actually in a war. ) We just finished the Civil War unit in my student teaching class (oh, and one of the kids stole the test from my shelf ahead of time...yeah he's in HUGE trouble), I've had a couple papers due for ed school (completed in just over 1 hour, thank you very much--you know, I USED to be a good student!), and I've had 1 interview in Washington and now have 4 in Boston, so I've been traveling all over the place. And all this while trying to pay my bills, eat, maintain proper hygiene, etc. So it's been pretty hectic.

Yesterday my student teaching seminar was really depressing, because people started getting on that whole "these kids...(fill in the blank with excuses about why they can't do school)." I know (I KNOW) that urban teaching is really difficult, but I think what they don't know is that the school structure and attitude can change everything! These are smart, well-meaning people, but they're coming out of ed school with this horrible defeatist attitude about urban kids, and they're all applying to teach in Westchester and Long Island instead. The other ones, who do want to teach urban kids, say things like "why do we have to shove kids through this system when they don't like it? Kids are so curious, but we don't let them explore their own interests. Why don't we go back to a Dewey type model of school?" My instructor said, "That's a very good point." Nobody said anything about how Dewey was actually a FAILED teacher when he wrote his philosophical musings. Then there was this whole discussion about how some kids just "aren't good at school" and we should have more options for them, like technical training programs. Now I agree with that--some people just don't like the school structure or book learning or whatever--there were kids like that at my high school who I am sure went on to be successful pilots or plumbers or whatever. However, you know they are not talking about just any kids going to technical school--they are saying that poor, minority children should go to technical schools. Which perpetuates the class structure they are always bemoaning anyway. Unless you are willing to accept a Booker T. Washington-esque gradualism in solving economic and social inequalities. It's just so frustrating that there are these schools that are so wonderful, and are getting their city kids up to and beyond standard, and yet no one knows about them!!

But let me turn from the bad news to teh good news. There is a movie coming up this summer that is going to be AWESOME. Here is a short piece about the movie in Newsweek (April 10, 2006):

The script is pure Hollywood schlock. A witness under FBI protection is flying from Hawaii to Los Angeles. A mobster wants him dead before he can testify. But how can the bad guy get to him? A selection from the script: "Hundreds of oxygen masks DEPLOY, dangling over the seats—but it's not just oxygen masks. IT'S SNAKES."

Forget Cruise. Forget Hanks. The summer's most buzzed-about movie is a grade-C thriller about passengers besieged by a plane full of snakes, and it's called ... wait for it ... "Snakes on a Plane."

Just when you thought the world had no innocent joy left in it, someone goes and makes a movie whose very title makes you love all of mankind. Snakes on a Plane. Thank you, God. And you too, Samuel L. Jackson.

School

2006-03-22T13:16:00.000-08:00

My school is driving me crazy. Not the school I'm teaching in, but the school I go to. Maybe I should say "school," since is it really a school if you don't learn anything? Really it's just a building into which I am pouring tens of thousands of dollars of money that I have not yet earned. Fabulous.

The reason I'm annoyed is that I'm applying to work at schools out of state, but I still have credits left to take at my school here in the summer. Most schools want me to start in the middle of the summer, but if I do then I won't finish all my credits. And, of course, you can't transfer ANY credits in from another institution. You know, because the education I'm getting in my current courses is so high quality that I wouldn't want to sully my degree with any inferior outside courses. Ugh. I just want to get my degree and get the h out of here.

Seriously, I feel like a second grade student who keeps getting busywork ditto worksheets from the teacher and is bored and appalled. Although my reading level is actually at a third grade level at the moment. But I shouldn't joke, because there are people my age with a third grade reading level. Many of them are high school graduates! Something wrong there I think.

Anyway, I'm looking at schools in Boston, New York, DC...I love the Midwest where I'm from, but it's too early to move back yet. "You can't go home again." Who is that? Tom Wolfe?
Sometimes I feel that way because I think I need to accomplish something before I face anyone I used to know. And that really hasn't happened, especially this year! Good lord. It's been such a waste. I might as well have taken a big loan out of a bank in cash, put it all in a pile, and burned it. At least then I would have gotten some heat out of the deal.

I was talking to someone at a job fair who is starting what looks to be a really great school. He was saying that it's going to be hard for me because I don't have enough experience (usually 2 years is what people want) to get into one of these really good charter schools. But I have too much experience to want to work at a DOE school or a crappy charter school. So really I'm screwed. Who knows, maybe someone will take some pity on me. I make a good sad face.

On the flip side, the other school is going well and I'm enjoying myself. It's challenging because the school doesn't really have a unified behavior system, so I'm sort of making one up as I go along. Today in one of my classes, this one kid who is always loud and ridiculous wasn't there, and it was like a whole different experience. During the Do Now, there was total silence. It was shocking. This one kid is really able to affect the whole class negatively. Nothing I've tried with him works. He just has no impulse control, or else doesn't use it. I don't know what to do with him.

Anyway, I'd better go do some work. I have to write a test on the Civil War and Reconstruction. It should be interesting.

Nothing pithy to say

2006-03-08T20:00:00.000-08:00

Ummmmmm. My contacts are dried out and I am tired. My friends are at a party, and yet it is Wednesday night. I have just finished my lesson for tomorrow and am relieved. I ate too many potato chips before dinner and now I feel kind of sick. The Diet Coke and York peppermint patty after dinner did not help matters I think. I went to a charter school job fair on Saturday and am afraid that no one will hire me because I don't have enough experience. Some days I wish I had done TFA, but that has its own set of problems. But oh, how everyone loves people from TFA. I am the lonely outsider from a bs graduate school. Well, what can you do. Today I went to the girls' basketball game. This is a small charter middle school, and yet the basketball team is awesome. They haven't lost a game in 3 years. It's entirely because of 3 girls on the team who are amazing. They didn't play in the first half, and by halftime the team was losing 20-10. Midway through the 3rd quarter it was like 22-37. Amazing, these girls. Anyway, I have to go to sleep. Let's all hope for a good tomorrow. That would include my grad school classes being cancelled. Pray for me.

I hate children

2006-03-06T11:47:00.000-08:00

Oh, the whining.

My one class of spazzes who never do their homework all just bombed a quiz today. A couple of them--ones who do work and/or listen in class--did fine. The rest BOMBED. One of them said that Abraham Lincoln, before he was a politician, was a MAILMAN. Someone else said a gardener. I feel like shooting myself. Hopefully it will be a rude awakening for them, and not an inspiration to give up completely.

This class, though. They make me feel completely incompetent. They are OUT of control. Mainly there are 3 instigators, and the rest are happy to follow along. Well I have to run. Any advice is appreciated.

the weather outside is frightful

2006-03-02T11:43:00.000-08:00

and I don't have a fireplace.

Today went really well. It was a lesson on Civil War battles. They were curious about things like bonesaws and digging bodies up to rebury them. Everyone loves that stuff.

I only got up the gumption to write something for 2 reasons:

1) Because I want to complain about having to go to class from 3:20-7 because it suuuucks.

2) It's my mom's birthday and I wanted to send a shout-out! Happy birthday Mom! She's mphmphmm years old. That was her holding her hand over my mouth. Now that she took her hand away, I can tell you that she's over 500 years old. She's actually a Biblical patriarch, and has 800 children. Ha ha just kidding. It doesn't matter how old she is, since she is a beautiful and caring person at any age. Awwwwww................ (Mom--send money)

I don't want to go to class! Maybe there will be an avalanche so I don't have to go. Or God will finally decide to mete out final justice and this whole place will be destroyed with a single bolt of lightning. Or maybe a giant pencil or book. That would be more fitting.

tired

2006-02-28T18:41:00.000-08:00

It's amazing that one hour of teaching a day can make you feel like you've run a marathon and then had the crap beaten out of you by a passing thug.

Suffice it to say, today was rough. The learning process itself was ok I think, but these 2 boys in my class are driving me crazy. One cares somewhat about school and learning, but he is so social and easily distractable and giggly. He is generally good-natured, but a pain in the ass. The other kid doesn't seem to care about school (he's getting a 36 in my class) and is really hostile toward me, and apparently toward other female teachers also. This is the kind of kid I have a lot of trouble handling.

Tomorrow I have the less hostile, more spazzy class.

Today was also funny because we got into some bureaucratic ridiculousness. The school is on the 4th and 6th floors of a building used for other purposes. On the sixth floor, the school janitor does the classrooms, but another guy does the hallways. The school janitor "doesn't do" the 4th floor, so you have to appeal to yet another janitor. There have been disputes within my classroom about which janitor empties which trash can. Which is why I think hiring an independent cleaning company to come in once a day after school and just clean the damn room is probably a good idea. Entrenchment: not a good idea.

hi

2006-02-27T12:40:00.000-08:00

Someone encouraged me to start writing again. I appreciated that, so I'm going to do my best here.

I've been exhausted lately because I started my student teaching assignment. I have 2 classes of eighth graders, but each class only has social studies three days a week. So I have one class on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and the other class Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. It's difficult to teach this way because the scheduling gets all messed up in my head. And I have to try to cram a lot of content into a short amount of time, since they have to take the 8th grade s.s. test in June. And they were supposed to start the year on the civil war and right now be on like the Progressive Era, but my teacher re-taught a lot of 7th grade material, so I am doing the Civil War currently!! I am trying to map out how I am going to get through the rest of the Civil War, industrialization, the Progressive Era, World War I, the Depression, World War II, and the postwar era in the approximately 30 some days they have left in social studies. Easy, right?

It's weird that there's only 3 days of social studies a week. Also we have this weird period after lunch called "Literature group." It's basically group reading, which is good, but they only have 5 periods in the day (plus an hour lunch), so I really think they should tack that on as a 6th period. School only goes from 8:40 to 2:50, which is not enough time I think. It's an ok school, but there are a lot of messed up things like that. For example, every Friday 2 of my girls miss class because they have dance. And that's somehow ok?

I like the kids though. They're pretty sweet, most of them. Some of the boys are giving me trouble and testing me, there's one kid with severe behavioral/emotional problems who is hard to deal with, and a couple of the girls are snotty and obnoxious, but other than that the kids are fine. There was one precious moment last week that I loved. I wasn't there, but one of the other teachers recounted this story to me. The kids had this ridiculous speaker for Black History Month. He was a poet, and read some of his poetry about black leaders, which was great. But then he put down his poems and just started ranting to the kids about his far-left political views, like how the first George Bush caused 9/11 and how everything is a conspiracy, blah blah. The kids really challenged him on these views, especially when he criticized black rappers for being too materialistic and mysogynist and then bragged that he hung out with Snoop Dogg. I was proud of them when I heard that.

Anyway, the funny part came when he asked them who the first "gangster" in American history was. He was looking for the answer "Christopher Columbus." But the kids didn't understand what he was getting at in his question. One kid raised his hand and was like, "Um, Biggie Smalls?" Brilliant.

I'm getting more used to behavioral management, although I'm still not very good at it. The hardest thing is the transitions between activities. Also, some activities lend themselves better to quiet than others. My class is sometimes kind of chaotic, although other times I am proud of how it's going. Also, much of the information we're covering seems to be getting across, so I'm happy about that. So much of how the class behaves depends on the lesson plan and how smoothly it operates. Unfortunately I have to do so much on the fly because it takes me so long to plan a lesson that I can hardly catch up with myself.

But for all my complaining, my situation is 10000 times better than last semester, and I am grateful for that. My cooperating teacher is very supportive and helpful, and has given me a lot of free rein to be creative and do what I want. The kids have chafed under some of the changes I've made, but I think they'll get used to them and stop whining eventually. Although whining is a special talent of theirs. Especially about homework. I don't even give that much homework, they have 2 nights to do it, and yet you should hear them yell and cry! It's a good thing none of them is going to MATCH next year--they would freak out! Actually, it's not a good thing, but you know what I mean.

On Saturday I took 2 of the NYState Teacher Certification Exams. One was a "Liberal Arts and Sciences Test." I think they should redesign this test to have 2 questions:

1. Are you an idiot? ______
2. On a scale of 1 to 10, how sure are you that you are not an idiot? ______

I think that test would be pretty much equivalent to the one I took. The other test was a history content one, and that was more difficult. However, it was poorly designed in that, for many of the multiple choice questions, you could make a good argument for more than one answer. In my mind, I would think, do you want the traditional standard textbook answer or the more PC, revisionist answer? Because they're both there. It was frustrating. Still, I'm sure I did fine. Not that I'm done with testing. There's one more, the ATSW. I think it's on teaching skills or something. No idea. Don't care. I'll show up and take it and I'm sure it will be fine.

So that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. And I'm constantly wishing that I had a portable cot. Like right now I am wishing that.

size matters

2006-01-29T15:13:00.000-08:00

I'm starting student teaching at the charter school tomorrow! I'm so excited! I had another meeting with the Principal last week, and she is so great. She actually asked ME how the SCHOOL could help me get something good out of my experience! She said, "I don't want you to go out for a drink on Friday night with your friends and have to tell them how horrible your teaching placement is." I told her that it was 100% impossible that this school could be worse, or even in the same ballpark of horrible, as the one I taught at last semester. She just laughed.

This school is a K-8, and has about 30 kids per grade. In the "upper school," of grades 6-8, each individual class period has only 15 kids! Talk about a perfect place to do student teaching! The social studies teacher I'm working with has one class of 6th grade global history, two classes (7th and 8th) of American history, and a "literature" class. This last class is a group of kids at the same reading level who read books together and talk about them. The teachers are free to choose whatever kinds of books they want, as long as they are at the correct reading level. It sounds pretty fun. My teacher's class is currently reading Angels and Demons, which, while not exactly an intellectual force, is an enjoyable and decent book, and is certainly different from books they read in English class.

I haven't worked with middle school kids in awhile...if anyone has advice they'd like to give on teaching this age group, please post a comment or write me an email. Anything is appreciated :).

Another interesting thing from this week. I went to this "policy breakfast" at NYU held by the NYU education school, MetLife, and the National Commission on Teaching and America's Future (I'm still a little unclear on what the latter organization is...their name is a little scary though). They had a panel discussion on the current state of teacher training. The title of the meeting was Teaching in a Flat World: Giving Teachers a Strong Start. Since we all know that I have some opinions (you know, one or two) on teacher training, I was excited to go.

The panel included some interesting people, including the CEO of human resources and the Deputy Chancellor for Teaching & Learning for the NYC Department of Ed. I thought that these two would be, at best, defensive about NYC's teacher training. And it's true that they did kind of pat themselves on the back for starting some mentorship program for new teachers within the NYC public schools, a program which I am fairly sure is pretty dysfunctional and ineffectual. But on the whole they had it right on about what teacher training needed to be. They talked about assigning the best teachers to be mentors, not just the ones who had been in the system the longest, about the need for honest, detailed, quality feedback for new teachers, and about the need for many different kinds of supportive relationships for new teachers within the school structure. The panel moderator said something that struck a chord with me: "We need to stop this hazing ritual that we put new teachers through year after year, and which drives the most talented people out of the professsion." I think the phrase "hazing ritual" is really apt. For me, someone who always wants to be prepared and competent at any task I undertake, this year has been really terrifying. Whenever I get up in front of a class, I feel under-prepared, nervous, and un-supported. There hasn't been enough feedback or support for me to really grow. Hopefully I'll get more of that this semester, but there's really no training or structure to help mentor teachers help their student teachers. Only a few people really know how to give good feedback. Since this is the primary pipeline (the other being the similarly problematic policy of just throwing smart but inexperienced people into the classroom right away) for new teachers, the whole thing really needs to be rethought. Would you send a medical student into the operating room with a pair of scissors, a pat on the back, and responsibility for not letting someone die? Would you put a college graduate straight into mid-level management in a publishing house? No. They all get entry-level positions and then are eased into positions of responsibility. There should be some adaptation for teaching, as most people consider the product of this profession pretty important.

At one point, the CEO for Human Resources at NYC Dept of Ed referred to the need for more practical training for teachers, that more of the training should be school-based, rather than university-based. One audience member quipped, "Are you suggesting breaking the monopoly of schools of education?" She responded, "You said it, not me." Everyone in the audience laughed. It was the kind of laugh that said "Everyone knows it has to be done, but it's politically terrifying and any attempt is going to take a marshaling of forces that do not currently exist." So in some ways it was comforting, in that the people in the room (most seemed to be former or current educators and people involved with education non-profits) knew that things needed to be changed and that the world of education training needed shaking up. On the other hand it was sad, because people seemed to acknowledge that even the leaders of the public school system were pretty powerless to make the necessary changes.

You can't blame them. When someone is responsible for training teachers for 1,000 schools, all of whom are supposed to run in much the same way, it's going to be incredibly difficult to change the status quo even a little. There are just so many people, so many institutions, and so many rules involved. I've heard it described as akin to trying to change the course of an enormous ocean liner going full speed ahead. That's why charter schools are so great. Their size allows them to make necessary changes lightning fast, with one decision and a manageable amount of observation and enforcement. If a charter school thinks its teachers need to have training in a certain aspect of literacy instruction or behavioral management, they can just hold that training right then and there. The institutional size is just so much more manageable. It's too much to expect any one group of reformers, even over decades, to make all the changes necessary to improve 1,000 schools with hundreds of thousands of employees. What we need to do is break down barriers to entry into teaching (while keeping the standards for teacher knowledge and intelligence high), eliminate unnecessary union regulations, allow alternative means of teacher training, and restructure schools to favor and reward the most competent and hard-working teachers (and administrators). If you have good people within your schools, then there doesn't have to be so much top-down regulation. You can let people experiment and come up with the best ways to train teachers and communicate with each other about it. Anyway, I'm just rambling, so I better stop. The point is that the size of the institution matters, and our urban school districts are just waaaaaaaaaaaaay too gargantuan to allow any significant reform over any reasonable amount of time.

Well this post has been somewhat meandering and not funny, so I apologize. In fact, this entire semester's blog might be a lot less amusing, since I anticipate this school, as well as my class instructors, will give me a lot less bullshit than the people last semester. Good for me, bad for sad, absurd story-reading. Well, at least I can keep you updated on my plans to avoid/circumvent/bastardize for my own purposes the "social justice action project" I have to do this semester. Ugh.

yesssssssssss

2006-01-23T13:41:00.000-08:00

Good news for me! I know everyone out there is really riveted to all the ups and downs of my life, so I wanted to tell you all about the newest development in my quest to escape mediocrity and self-loathing.

Today I met with the principal of a charter school in Harlem. It's K-8. She told me, "when I started 2 and a half years ago, we were a failing school. Now we've come up to mediocre. But that's not good enough, I want to take us to excellence." Yay! Excellence! I have not heard that word uttered once this entire year in regard to education! I have heard "diversity" and "collaboration," but never "excellence"! She says, we're always trying to improve here. That's what I tell my teachers. And I tell them that if they can't give me improvement or excellence, they're going to have to teach somewhere else. She even had the book Good to Great (an organizational management book popular in the charter school movement) on her bookshelf! AND she excitedly took my suggestion to read the Thernstroms' No Excuses! She worked at the DOE here in NY for many years, but somehow still came out like this! The best news: I get to student-teach there instead of at that crappy high school I described a couple weeks ago!

My program is giving me a lot of shit for switching so last minute. They told me that if I thought backing out would "jeopardize the school's relationship with the cooperating teacher" that I should "choose to do the right thing." My program director actually seemed really pissy about it. Not that he was willing to give me help months ago when I asked for it!!!! Seriously, these people don't care about teacher education at all! The way they pick the mentor teacher is seemingly random. The mentor teachers seem to be evaluated on whether they are "nice" or not. I can't tell you how many times I've mentioned the other cooperating teacher's name and someone from my department says, "oh, he's a really nice guy." That's good, I mean, I like nice people, but doesn't it matter more that he's an effective teacher? If he's not, then he shouldn't even be teaching, much less teaching other teachers! But the cooperating teachers are never judged on that kind of criteria.

Well off to economics class. Maybe there won't be so many rants this semester--maybe there will even be satisfaction and happiness! Can I even hope?

Semester 2

2006-01-19T20:26:00.000-08:00

My semester 2 classes began today. I had my student teaching seminar first. This was the one that ended up being so crazy last semester, with the whole "societal structures of oppression" theme every week. Our instructor this semester is a little more practical. He was, frankly, shocked that our seminar had not talked (at all) about 1) state teacher exams, 2) classroom management, 3) resumes, 4) job applications, 5) the certification process, or even 6) graduation requirements. Really the whole point of this seminar is to help us get all that extra crap out of the way. His comment was, "Well, what did you do last semester?" No one really knew how to respond. It was a sad moment for all of us.

I also had "Alternative Methods," which is being taught by a very nice lady who (ironically) seems a little more open to "traditional" teaching methods than my regular "methods" teacher. And one guy in my class had this really interesting idea of social science "labs," in which kids could apply the skills of document analysis/map reading/statistical analysis/visual image interpretation etc to come up with some conclusions about history. Not that there's really enough time for that in a regular classroom...

I would like to share with y'all something that is on the syllabi for all my classes. It is called the "Description of School of Education Conceptual Framework." I would just like to say that the phrase "conceptual framework" makes me want to curl up in the fetal position, with a teddy bear and a binky, for several months. Ok. The conceptual framework includes "three shared philosophical stances," another phrase for the ages (Note: you may want to throw salt over your left shoulder at this point. These phrases have dark power.). The first 2 are the "inquiry stance" and the "curricular stance," which inform the reader that graduates of this school "challenge...complacency" and "strive to meet the needs of diverse learners." Personally, I hate diverse learners. I think everybody does. So this thing about "striving" for them is pretty unique to this school. But I'm confused about something...is it "challenging complacency" when you "perpetuate complacency"? Something to ponder.

Anyway, the third philosophical stance (throwing salt now) is my favorite. Here it is, in its entirety:

"Social justice stance: Our graduates choose to collaborate across differences in and beyond their school communities to demonstrate a commitment to social justice and to serving the world while imagining its perspectives." (saltsaltsaltsalt)

Yes, I have no bananas, if by bananas you mean any idea about what that means in any way. First off, who are we collaborating with? People in our schools, or with other graduates? Second, would someone please please please tell me what "social justice" really means? Because I had to write 2 papers on it last semester, and I have a "social justice action project" that I have to do this semester, and I have no idea what's going on. To me, providing quality education in urban communities is, in itself, social justice. Thus, if you learn to teach well and then do it and are effective, there is no need to get all flowery about social justice because you already have achieved it! The sad fact is that professors in and graduates of this school who teach in/work with/work for crappy urban public schools with no qualms about the lack of quality are actually working against social justice! Even while they write papers and conduct projects extolling its virtues! Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

Let's also talk about "serving the world while imagining its perspectives." So, basically, wait, I should....envision an Indian guy sitting at his desk at a call center in Madras and try to figure out what he's thinking? And then serve him? Or what?

The conceptual framework ends with this statement:

"These stances are the three dimensions of the educational space that we continuously create. [You know you're in trouble when someone uses the word "space" and it is not followed by the phrase "the final frontier."] By using critical inquiry as a tool in approaching the complexity of students and their learning, of ourselves and our teaching, our subject matter, and the contexts in which these operate, we and our students and graduates build effective curricula which benefit students' learning and ultimately serve the larger purpose of moral growth in the individual and society."

I like that the curricula only "benefit students' learning." It's like "our curricula are lukewarmly positive and pretty much fine." So apparently this school is not about education but about "moral growth." I might as well have joined the priesthood. Maybe they could tell me what it takes to be a good teacher! Hmm...maybe not. Priesthood+children=recent controversies. But then again, teachers+children often=no learning. Recent controversies+no learning=kids lose. Every time.

Semester 2, folks. And so it begins.

2006-01-17T19:12:00.000-08:00

Classes loom. My first is on Thursday. Alternative Methods. No one seems to know what that means, really. We already seem to have had Alternative Methods. It was called Methods. So I'm not sure where that leaves us.

Before the new semester starts, a short recap on my fall classes:
1. Methods.
A class on designing social studies lessons. We learned about fishbowl discussion groups, panel discussions, WebQuests (don't even ask--they're horrifying), simulations/acting out of historical events, diversity, and...I'm not sure what else. I gained some good tips on the details of lesson planning, but the rest was not very helpful for actually teaching in an actual school, or at least, an urban school. Lecturing was very frowned upon, so we didn't even discuss the most effective ways to lecture if we had to do it (overhead? discussion w/notes? powerpoint?). I would venture to guess that most high school teachers, particularly social studies teachers, are pushed by standardized tests and lack of time to lecture almost every single day. So a little help in that area would have been nice. In addition, we didn't talk at all about how to use social studies to teach key literacy skills--decoding, reading comprehension, reading for deeper analysis, writing, etc. These are the skills that kids will need their whole lives. Basically, I'm going to have to come up with how to do these things myself. Based on the fact that I have spent most of this evening watching 24 and eating cheese crackers, and the fact that I have 1.5 years of experience in an actual school, that is somewhat of a scary prospect.

In fact, terrifying. I suppose the entire point of writing this blog is to express the fact that I'm absolutely terrified of what I'm getting myself into: a chaotic, mediocre, unpleasant public school system with no sense of accountability, excellence, ethical duty, or responsibility towards children. I'm sure individuals within the system are different, but the system itself is
terribly, terribly broken. And who am I to think I can make any difference, when generations of earnest, smart, enthusiastic educators really haven't? (I'm talking about the stagnation of school performance in the U.S. over the last 30 years, especially among minorities). What can I possibly contribute? Couldn't I have a more productive, happy life in some other field, a field in which good work is rewarded, rather than punished? One with a more tangible sense of accomplishment? These are the questions I have to ask myself every day. I keep re-committing myself only because I know that things can be different. I have seen them be different. And it's great.

2. Student teaching seminar.
Ostensibly about discussing our student teaching experiences. Actually about our instructor preaching to us that schools are useless in the face of poverty, crime, racism, drug abuse, health problems, and broken families. When we did our oral evaluations of the class, most kids thought maybe it would have been better to talk more about student teaching.

In this class, I asked my instructor what he thought about the charter systems like KIPP and Achievement First that are resoundingly not useless in the face of all these problems. He said that those schools make kids spend too much time in school. It really makes you want to weep, doesn't it?

3. World History
Quality content course. Learned lots of new info on global history. Taught by a real history professor, not a professor of "the teaching of social studies." And much better than any classes with the latter types. Coincidence? You decide.

4. Educational Psychology
Interesting course, but basically could be summed up with: in almost every educational issue, there is data to support both opposing sides. And there is not enough research. Ever. We should have co-ed classrooms because the research suggests that it's better, and we should have single-sex classrooms because the research suggests that it's better. Pick one and run with it.

5. Special Education
No real techniques given for how to deal with a child in your particular classroom. No special attention given to the higher incidence disabilities, like language processing disorders (ie dyslexia) and emotional/behavioral disorders. Some nice speakers, but no actual special ed or general ed teachers to talk about their experiences. Have no idea what to do with children with disabilities, except what I have gleaned on my own and from last year at MATCH. Seems to me that, in many/most cases, they just need more help and time to learn things. Usually not given to them.

That's the breakdown. I won't go back into my student teaching experience because it was a train wreck in which most of my dignity and faith in our educational system died horrible deaths. Looking forward to fewer classes this semester. Only have Economics, Alternative Methods (discussed above), and student teaching seminar (new instructor, less crazy, more bald).

Organ donation

2006-01-13T11:38:00.000-08:00

This is an email I sent out to friends. I thought I'd post it here as well, even if it doesn't have to do with education. It's just a good thing, and so easy to do.

Hi friends and family and other people whose email addresses I have,

I happen to be one of those people who believes that once you're dead, you're dead. So you might as well give other people your stuff. And by stuff, I mean money (listen up mom and dad! just kidding), but I also mean your organs. Because what are you going to do with them? Nothing, because you'll be dead. So you might as well save someone else's life. And someone else might as well save yours too.

I thought I'd do a good deed by sending along some information on how to be an organ donor. Most of my friends (ha ha, I mean casual acquaintances and enemies) live in Massachusetts, New York state, and Minnesota, so I have compiled info below on becoming organ donors in those states. It's pretty easy, and it's a really good thing to do. And what other good things have you done lately? That's right, none. So to ease your guilt, become an organ donor. Also because I say so, and I know what's good for you.

Please forward this email to anyone and everyone. No one should have to die to let someone else's life-saving organs rot in the ground.

PS If someone you know doesn't want to donate, but has no good reason for it, the next time you see him/her, read the articles below out loud to them. For dramatic effect, you could start crying too. Also effective would be to start making consistent subtle references about how he/she is a bad person, preferably in front of his/her boss. A less ethical idea would be to disguise yourself as a doctor and tell him/her that he/she desperately needs a new __________ (fill in name of organ here...a funny one would be "butt.")

Massachusetts

1. Go to this website and print out an organ donor card. Fill it out and carry it in your wallet.
http://www.organdonor.gov/signup1.html

2. Make sure to tell your family and friends that you wish to be an organ donor. They may have to approve the decision if you are incapacitated.

3. If you need to apply for or renew your license, go to this website to find out how. Make sure to check the organ donation box when filling out the registration forms.
https://www.mass.gov/secure/rmv/express/renlicform.htm

New York State

1. Go to this website and click on "Online Organ and Tissue Donor Registration." This will take you to a form that will put you on the NY state organ donor database.
http://www.health.state.ny.us/nysdoh/donor/index.htm

2. Go to this website and print out an organ donor card. Fill it out and carry it in your wallet.
http://www.organdonor.gov/signup1.html

3. Make sure to tell your family and friends that you wish to be an organ donor. They may have to approve the decision if you are incapacitated.

4. If you are going to apply for or renew your driver's license, go to the website below. Make sure to check the organ donation box.
http://www.nydmv.state.ny.us/license.htm#licenserenew

Minnesota

1. Go to this website and print out an organ donor card. Fill it out and carry it in your wallet.
http://www.organdonor.gov/signup1.html

2. Make sure to tell your family and friends that you wish to be an organ donor. They may have to approve the decision if you are incapacitated.

3. If you are going to apply for or renew your license, go to this website to find out how. Make sure to check the organ donation box when filling out the registration forms.
http://www.dps.state.mn.us/dvs/ID%20Requirments/IDframeset.htm

A new day?

2006-01-04T09:22:00.000-08:00

I suppose there aren't as many people reading this, since I have been writing only sporadically. It's probably for the best. Fewer people who are reminded daily what a smartass jerk I am.

Today I visited the school I will be student-teaching at this semester. It's a pretty large school, about 1600 kids, mostly Hispanic. The school is selective for kids living outside the district--you have to read at grade level (sadly, a rare commodity) and have certain grades in math and science to get in. This means that the kids care more and work harder than the average public school kid, which makes a huge difference. It is so easy to teach someone who wants to learn. Well, not so easy, not like eating Easy Cheese straight from the can (Or is it spray bottle? Squirter? You know what I'm talking about?). But I guess that's why they call it Easy Cheese. The point is, it helps to have students who are eager, or at least willing, to learn. The Coalition of the Willing, you might say. You just have to hope that yours is more than like 2 guys from Uzbekistan whose government is trying to get more favorable trade relations or something.

It's reassuring that despite the selectivity, the school is still mostly Hispanic and black. Other selective schools in the city are almost entirely white kids, like a whale's underbelly, except pimplier. But one wrinkle is that 20% of the kids have to be from the surrounding district. To get the designated quota, the school cannot be as picky about these students. And, sadly, as you might guess, these students (regular kids) typically are low performers. I'm not saying the quota system is bad, it's just depressing that you can't find enough kids to go to a school whose entrance requirements are reading at grade level and getting B's in math and science! The district is a fairly poor immigrant community, almost entirely Hispanic, and its public schools are terrible. There are people doing some great work with charter schools in the area, which is really promising. But that's sort of too small and too recent to have had much impact yet.

So anyway, I'll be teaching seniors. The school has three levels, it seems, for social studies--AP, Honors, and regular. As luck would have it, I got the regulars.

Again, as you might guess, the regular kids are more difficult to handle and have far lower achievement levels. I'm sure they are also disproportionately neighborhood kids. Now, I don't think it's necessarily bad to have a tracking system based on skill levels. Sometimes it's necessary. And it's really not bad at all to have the kids with lower skill levels. They still have a lot of potential and are pretty bright. They just happen to be behind, have a learning disability, or have some kind of emotional/behavioral problem (acting out in class, low self-esteem, chaotic family life) that has prevented them from succeeding. These things can be dealt with.

But it's not easy. It can be hell for the teacher sometimes, since the kids who don't like school or don't do well are the ones who make trouble. And sometimes their varying needs (language skills, help with a disability, family problems) can seem overwhelming. For these reasons, I think that the school has to have a firm internal structure set up to help these low performers, and all students for that matter. This structure should include, but not be limited to, their primary teachers. I'm talking about tutoring, after-school help with teachers, a strong discipline code rigorously enforced (detention!), counseling support, contact with parents, and maybe just a little love. I mean, we all need a little love, right? Not me, I'm a heartless robot with a soul of steel. Which is one reason I don't have a problem failing students. If a student is so behind that he/she can't catch up during the year, it is in that student's best interest to repeat and acquire the necessary skills. Likewise, a student who never does his/her work should learn that the consequence to that is failure. In the workplace, not doing work gets you fired. Schools can be more humane. Not doing work means you have to do the work anyway. Failing a grade can turn someone's life around. Even if the student hates it (or you) at the time, it might be the best thing that ever happened to him/her.

With high-performing students, you may not need all these tools. Their desire to do well in school means they are usually better behaved and do their homework on their own. But low performers need more. And if they need more, we should give them more. I've been at the school one day, and I don't think these kids are getting more.

It's better than the last school for sure; the kids have to call the teachers "Mr" or "Ms" and can't
have electronics or hats on. I even saw my teacher kick a kid out of class today for being out of control.

Still, the teacher allows a lot of ridiculous behavior, like yelling and swearing, and there is hardly ever a time during class when all the students are silent. One gets the impression that they are running the show. It's going to be difficult to be strict since I have nothing backing me up. What will I do if a kid breaks a rule, scold him? I could make him come in after school I suppose, but if he doesn't do it, my only recourse is to call the parent. If they aren't cooperative, I'm screwed. The kid then knows I have no leverage. Still, I'll have to try. Really, I can't stand yelling or swearing in class (I do a fair amount outside of class myself; sometimes, in a hilarious bit of irony, I swear about the kids swearing). And I hate any kind of disrespect. These things just make me ill. School and learning are so important to me. And I know how important they will be in the kids' futures. When they trash their education, and their teachers allow them to, I just feel so bad. I can't describe it any other way than that.

It will be an interesting semester. I'll keep you posted.

my schooling

2005-12-27T10:16:00.000-08:00

I hope you all have had a great holidays so far. I have had a good old time here at home in Minnesota (yes, it is cold, people). Surprisingly, we do have computers in Minnesota, and just recently moved into real houses from our igloos.

My dad and I were rehashing some of the issues I've discussed on this blog the other night. (By the way, it's been made empirically certain that I got the ranting gene from him. Not that my Mm is too shabby at it either. I love you guys!). We actually got to discussing my own education, which was an interesting comparison to what I've been doing this year.

I went to my local public high school here in Minnesota. We live in a wealthy suburb of Minneapolis that is known for its good schools, which is why my parents chose to live here. In fact, the high property values here are largely based on the reputation of the school system. This gives incentive to older residents and those without children to vote for high levels of funding for the school system, despite the fact that they themselves do not partake of it. Thus, local referenda on increases to school funding usually pass quite easily. (One exeption is our crotchety right-wing neighbor, who doesn't see why he has to contribute to the education of the pesky kids of the neighborhood. Personally, I think he's just bitter because they discovered that the haunted park monster is really this guy in a mummy suit. Pesky kids.)

Anyway, my school was pretty good. They offered AP Biology, AP American History, AP European History, AP Calculus, AP American Literature, and a variety of AP languages. Kids could choose to take these advanced classes or not. The only tracked subject was math. Teachers were smart and competent (with notable exceptions. One of my teachers would regularly let my friend leave class to drive somewhere and buy bagels. And another time we spent an entire class period searching for textbooks that some kid had hidden in the ceiling). Administrators were proud of the academics (although not as proud as they were of the sports) and tried to protect them. I am grateful for the education I got there.

Still, overall, I don't think it was enough. This was supposed to be the best public high school in our state. But when I got to college (I went to a good one), I realized that I couldn't really cut it in the areas of science and math. Granted, I'm not exactly a whiz at either of these subjects, and they aren't my passion. Still, compared to kids who went to private schools or magnet schools, I was definitely behind. And compared to kids from other countries, I was definitely definitely behind. The entire math department at my school was dominated by foreigners, to the point where they couldn't find PhD students who spoke good English to teach intro math classes. The biggest complaint I heard about calculus classes was not that they were so difficult, but that the students couldn't understand what their teacher was saying. Most were from Asian countries and had very thick accents. I had a German dude who was reasonably understandable. But also freaky in a German grad student/robot kind of way.

As a freshman, I was still ambitious and over-confident in my academic skills. I was still in small-school Minnesota mindset, as opposed to world-class university mindset, which is "if it's math and science, you probably can't do it." I took a multi-variable caculus class and an advanced general chemistry class. It was the worst semester of my life. Multi-variable calculus was extremely difficult, mostly because it was taught in a completely different way than any of my high school math classes. Our textbook did not walk one through the problems. Problem sets had to be solved by combining different theorems and procedures in creative ways. Class met only three days a week, and the lectures were fast-paced. You had to give yourself the quizzes. There were only two tests, and they were impossible. I got decent grades, but only because the curve was so incredibly generous that a trained gerbil would have had to struggle only slightly to pass. For example, on the midterm exam, a 22 out of 100 was a D. A 56 out of 100 was an A-.

My chemistry class was worse, for me. I had taken only an intro type chemistry class in high school. My advisor, who was clearly a sadist, told me to take the advanced one anyway. I struggled. I went in for office hours, I asked my friends how to do things, I cried, and I worked all the time. I did ok...I was really proud of my B-.

I don't know...maybe it's just that I'm not talented in these areas. But still, I think that it was generally just difficult for me to cut it at my college based on the preparation I had been given. I think if my math and science education had been more rigorous, or even if there was a more rigorous option available, I could have survived and even though about majoring in one of those subjects. As it was, an "ordinary" student like me would not think of doing that. It was a small elite, at least among the American students, who could cut it.

Let me know what you think about this issue. I would like to know what the situation was like at other colleges.

2005-12-19T18:18:00.000-08:00

Transit strike looms in New York. If it happens, and all the bus and subway operators walk out, tomorrow will be known as The Day Convenience Died. You won't be able to get into Manhattan without 4 people in your car. There will be areas to pick up extra people if you don't have enough. Taxis can carry multiple people at one time. Otherwise, you have to walk or bike. This all sounds really great, until you remember that 7 million people come into and out of the city every day on public transit. Life is going to suuuuuuck.

The transit worker's union is being ridiculous. They already get paid like $55,000 a year, which is more than most teachers. They get free health care and a pension when they turn 55. Now, I don't know how much training and work it takes to drive a bus or subway, but I can tell you that the only requirement for being a station attendant is surly unhelpfulness.

Now, I'm all for public employees being compensated well and having happy lives, and I wouldn't ask that anyone would reduce their salaries. But the union is now asking for an 8% salary raise over 3 years PLUS a retirement age of 50! 50!!! No one gets to retire then! Anyway, I'm probably just bitter because I don't like to do a lot of walking. Standing is also somewhat inconvenient.

Today my methods class ended. I have to admit that I did learn some useful things in the class. BUT I am still going to insist upon right answers. Somehow that has come to be a controversial position.

I only have one more assignment to complete. Then freedom will ring from the mountaintops and whatnot. All my Christmas presents for others will soon arrive in the mail. Online shopping, by the way, is definitely awesome. Today I spent 45 minutes in line at Express buying a velour sweatshirt for my friend. She wanted it because she had already bought it a couple months ago, then lost it. The point is, waiting in line at Express for 45 minutes is excruciating, especially with LITE104 serenading you. The internet, wave of the future. World wide web. Information superhighway. You know what I'm talking about.

Holiday cheer

2005-12-18T21:03:00.000-08:00

For two weeks now, my thighs have had laptop imprints on them. At least my couch is a comfortable, fuzzy place to whip out sub-par work (that, I promise you, will receive A's) on silly, pointless final papers. I now only have two things left. But one of them is going to be painful. It's a reflection on my fall student teaching placement. I don't even know what to say anymore. Here's one of the "guiding questions" that we're supposed to answer: "What are the norms, practices, rituals, customs, values, power structures, group affiliations, and status systems that define and shape your classroom setting?" I wonder if "none of the above" could be a correct answer to that.

I should say that not all the assignments were pointless. For my history class, we had to write a syllabus for a world history course. Here in NY state, 9th and 10th graders take a 2 year global history curriculum, tied to a regents exam. Here's one thing I learned while writing this syllabus: lots of stuff has happened in the history of the world. Who would've known?

I also learned that, contrary to popular belief, the histories of pre-Columbian America and pre-totally impoverished Africa are quite interesting and complex. For example, when the British first tried to colonize sub-tropical Africa in the 19th century, they kept settling near low-lying swamps with malarial mosquitoes. They were all dying off. In contrast, native Africans would settle in high-lying areas with few mosquitoes, and many had acquired immunity over many generations (sickle-cell anemia, common in African-Americans, is actually an African genetic adaptation that prevents malaria from infecting blood cells). And the British also couldn't get past the fierce, spear- and sword-wielding Zulu warriors, who they found absolutely terrifying. Unfortunately for everyone, Europeans soon discovered that quinine was an effective prophylactic against malaria, and that machine guns were quite effective against spears. And the colonial fun began. But it's ok, because these days everything is Africa is juuuuuuuuust fine.

Bill and Melinda Gates (and Bono!! hilarious!!) were just named People of the Year by Time magazine for their work in Africa. Gates just announced $400 million in new funding to what I like to call "wacky science." They're projects that normal institutions like the NIH or whatever don't want to fund because they're too "wacky" and their chances for success are too low. But at the same time, they are projects that, if successful, could have a huge impact. Like, some guys are trying to genetically modify mosquitos so that they can't smell humans and thus won't be able to infect them with malaria. Another guy is trying to modify cassava roots so that they have protein and vitamins, instead of just starch. It's cool stuff. Bono, meanwhile, wears awesome sunglasses while totally rocking out for the less advantaged. And people have paid attention, because people with one name have a certain je ne se quois (think Cher). That is phonetic French that I just made up. My mom said that taking French would be pointless. The fourth grade me pointed out that Peru is a French-speaking country, but that just didn't seem to convince her. Where fourth-grade me picked up that little gem of knowledge is still a mystery.

As for the Americas, I'm reading a really interesting book called 1491, about American civilizations that rose and fell after colonization of the Americas from Asia. The guy who wrote it definitely has a political agenda and a true "stick it to whitey" type of attitude, but he's a great writer and he presents recent archaeological and genetic findings. The new research is starting to reveal an America teeming with people with interesting, complex cultures and societies. It seems that many, many more Americans were killed by European diseases than was once thought. Like, maybe 90%. Which would make pre-Columbian population numbers in America as high or higher than those in Europe at the time. Anyway, you should read the book and decide for yourself.

Here's another question I have to answer in my reflection paper: "How have collaborative efforts affected your teaching this semester?" Do you think I can say, "They made me want to forego being alive, but, seeing as how that is impractical as well as life-threatening, I chose to pretend that collaborative efforts were not occuring"? I'm thinking I should go a little milder.

I missed my department's holiday party last week. I was sad, because they promised karaoke and I wanted to make inappropriate comments about various staff members. But I went to Boston instead, to see my kids from last year at MATCH. And it was the best part of my year so far. My kids are doing well and were happy to see me, the school is doing great, everything was as it should be. It's so, so good and soul-affirming to go to a place like that, where there are smart people trying to solve problems that arise and who don't take on a fatalistic attitude about everything. And I would like to note that many of the kids who failed ninth grade and are repeating are doing quite well, both in behavior and in academics, the second time around. It's like the poster school for failing a grade. I also got to go to the faculty party and watch a few people get a little too merry (you know who you are, people).

I'm going to try and start writing more regularly again. I don't want to be a complainer, so I will just try to observe and comment. For example, I may say, "there are many, many tiny dogs that live in New York, and I hate them." So that's the kind of pithiness you can look forward to.

Hello again.

2005-11-25T12:00:00.001-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Remember to be thankful for all the wonderful things you have, including friends, family, digital music players, and no wild animals loose in your neighborhood (Although are you sure about that last one? Think about it.).

I haven't written in a long time, it's true; I guess it's been almost a month. This has been pointed out to me by my many loving fans, an overwhelming percentage of whom are directly related to me. The reason I haven't written is that I haven't had anything new to say. I've continued to be frustrated, stymied, and tired in a constant cycle, and I thought that wouldn't be so interesting to other people, as it certainly isn't interesting to me. At first I sort of felt that I was barreling into this business, moving forward with a speed that could only be attributed to passion and caring. Then I realized that the illusion of moving forward was from the fact that I had been hit by a train and was now stuck to the front grating. And by "a train," I of course mean "the education train."

My student teaching semester ended with a whimper when I got a horrible virus. It was bad enough that I wished I was well enough to go to school (!). But that's just the way the cookie crumbles. Before I was sick, I got observed from a supervisor affiliated with, but outside of, my program, who told me, "I'm sorry you've had to be here all semester...it's been a waste of your time." You'd think this would be validating, but actually it made me tear up a little. I suppose it was precisely because I already knew that that I didn't want to hear it. I hadn't been able to do anything about it earlier when I tried, so it was not an instructive comment, but just made me feel bad. Not that this supervisor meant any harm; she was just trying to be honest.

I also saw the first distribution of report cards to kids. If all things were fair, I would say that 80% of the kids in my class should have failed. Instead, I think 4 out of 40 or so failed. And these were the kids who never handed in one single piece of homework ever. The ones who handed in a couple pieces of homework did fine. I heard one of my teachers ask the other, "how many of your kids are going to fail?" He responded, "you know, just a couple...most of the kids show up." So I guess showing up is the requirement for passing. This is social promotion, and is technically not allowed in this city. Perhaps I will write a letter to the mayor.

In better news, I saw a couple of really nice little charter elementary schools that are very new but appear to be working quite well so far. They had really smart, dedicated leaders and good teachers and have the potential to be really great. So all is not lost.

Well anyway, there is the latest news. Earth shattering, I know. I live to rock your world over here. Now I just have my own classes to deal with until January, when I get my new student teaching assignment. I'm working on this semester not being the complete and total void of goodness that was last semester. And I have more time for different things, like eating and cleaning my apartment, which still smells funny from when we moved in. I think it's the pigeons that roost on the air conditioner. Gross.

lamenting

2005-10-31T21:36:00.000-08:00

Today I was trying to think of alternatives to drowning one's sorrows in the bottle. Nothing much came to mind. At first I came up with cigarettes and coffee, but that is less like drowning your sorrows and more like winding them up very tightly and injecting them with speed. TV and chocolate eating are other options, but I already employ those and they don't seem to be working.

Not very many kids came to school today because it was Halloween. Somehow I didn't think they were missing much. And it was sadly peaceful without them, as a disproportionate number of the missing kids were also the disruptive kids. Surprise, right?

I have nothing much of note to express today, except the sinking feeling that my indignation is slowly becoming resignation. Or, not so much resignation as boredom and desolation.

One strange thing was that I got a sample lesson plan I wrote back from one of my instructors. It was a lesson on human evolution and pre-history (ie Australopithecines, Homo habilis/erectus/sapiens, etc). She liked it, but said that in the lesson I needed to address the tension between evolution and creationism. I thought that was really weird. It's not even intelligent design. And creationism takes many different forms, depending on the particular belief system. I don't think I would feel comfortable bringing it up in class. Perhaps if a kid asks about it, we could have a discussion, but I think that kind of thing falls in the realm of the parents, not the teacher. I mean, we don't teach the many religious/social/ethnic/gendered/etc sides of all issues, so why this one? Personally I don't feel there's much of a controversy regarding evolution, if we're talking about science and generally accepted scientific fact, so I don't know why I would have to say there is one. Students can still believe whatever they want to, but it's not going to come from me.

I have also come around to the fact that, for the first time, I am an academic outsider. Socially, well let's just say I owned a shirt with giraffes on it. But that didn't really matter. It's so strange now to know that people see me as some kind of outcast, or malcontent. The whole thing just makes me so tired. And you know you're in trouble when you start identifying with Churchill's speeches from the late thirties.