Dr Kev. - Kam Servicing Network.

Kam’s Column - 21/10/03

2003-10-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

Hello again!

Well, it's been quite a time recently for Mr Blair. Our esteemed Prime Minister has been under fire from pretty much all sides recently - so it came as little surprise that he was taken into hospital on Sunday with a heart complaint. Whatever you think of the man, his politics or methods, you can't help feeling sorry for him. It can't be easy to be in his shoes right now, what with the rumbles of Iraq, the Hutton enquiry and continuing concerns over the rail/tube networks that no one seems to be able to fix (send in Kam, that's what I say!). My thoughts are with him and his family and we all wish him a speedy return to health.

In such turbulent times, everyone needs a little light relief now and again. Mine came in the form of a recent sporting tournament. No, I'm not talking the latest Derby game, nor the cricket. National pride was at stake recently in the World Conker Championships. Yes, regular reader, there are such things (and I'm sending the little ones armed with bags full for some undercover playground training!). In a sport that has gained in global popularity over recent years, I am delighted to say that Britain are the crowned victors in both men's and women's championships, in spite of a chronic shortage of useable conkers (apparently). In fact, the situation got so severe that it's reported conkers had found their way onto the internet auction house E-bay! And the prize for achieving such dizzying sporting heights? Tankards, goblets and unlimited ice-cream...

I'm sure that you know one or more people with some form of sniffle or virus. I've got one myself (please bring on the tea and sympathy - well, just tea will do fine thanks!) and I know people in every corner of the Kingdom (shouldn't that be Queendom at the moment? A thought that has been perturbing me for a while...) with everything from a light cold to a full-blown stomach virus. So, as you can imagine, it wasn't too pleasant having to open up the workshop in the cold on Sunday morning - a task made less onerous by Shaun and Scott's beaming faces. Why where they in at that hour on a day they weren't rostered to work? Be patient, regular reader. The answer comes...

On Thursday last week, Mr Greenwood brought his 15-year old Mercedes G-Wagon into the workshop to have a replacement radiator fitted.
"It's loosing about half a cup of water a week, Kev" he told me as he handed over the keys. "I know you warned me about the state of the radiator at the last service, but I just haven't had time to get it seen to" (where have we heard that before, dear readers?). "So, here it is!"

"It won't be a problem Mr Greenwood," I said, signing out a courtesy car at the same time. "It shouldn't be too long to get the new radiator and even less time to put it in for you. I'll give you a call when it's done."
"Excellent. Just so long as I can have it back by Sunday as I've got a wedding party to go to."

I looked at my watch. 11:30am on Thursday. "No problem."
Well, as predicted, the radiator was sourced from one of our trusted suppliers and delivered within 24hours. A short while later and the new unit was gleaming inside the engine bay while the old one, leaking obviously from a small hole in the matrix, languished in our disposal bin.

Now, many fast fitting companies would simply drop the new radiator in, re-anti-freeze the system and let you get on with it. But not Kam! The thing is, anti-freeze has a habit of finding any weak points in hoses and rupturing them. And of course, we don't want this to happen to you. So I pressure tested it - and water went everywhere! One of the heater hoses had split and we didn't have one in stock for this rather unusual car. So it was back to the suppliers, and I made a call to Mr Greenwood to update him on the situation.

To their credit, the suppliers actually sent one out by a special rapid delivery service to ensure that we could get the car ready for Mr Greenwood well in advance of his Sunday deadline. With the new part in one hand, and a fresh Lemsip in the other, I went back to the G-Wagon.

Another pressure test saw a second heater hose split and cover me in the fresh coolant that I'd just put into the car (it also topped up my part finished cold cure with antifreeze - that should ward off any bugs...)! Typical! It was now early afternoon on Saturday, and I was completely prebooked for the entire day on Sunday... Things were going to be very tight.

At least, I thought they were until both Scott and Shaun piped up.
"I'll come in tomorrow for you, Kev," they said, virtually simultaneously.
"Haven't you got a Golf Tournament tomorrow Shaun?"
"Yes, but I'll have to miss it. We need to get this car sorted!" Now that's what I call real dedication.

So it was the both lads arrived cold and early on Sunday morning to finish the G-Wagon for Mr Greenwood. The second heater hose had arrived (along with another that I'd ordered, just in case) and within an hour was installed. Time to hook it up to the pressure tester.

The howls of anguish could be heard as far away as Leeds I'm sure. As the pressure built up in the system, the G-Wagon revealed that it had blown a core plug out of the engine block! It looked like game over, until Scott checked on our superb computer system and found that the G-Wagon shares plugs with another Mercedes model - and we had a set on the shelf!

The lads not only replaced the blown plug, but also replaced the others for good measure - and do you know what? This time, the car pressure tested OK! Everything was hunky-dory and it was time to deliver the car back to a rather sheepish Mr Greenwood. Why sheepish? Well, when the lads arrived with the G-Wagon, he admitted to them that his pride and joy had been loosing closer to three pints a week! That's some half cup, Mr Greenwood!
The moral of this week's story is that Kam don't just do a complete garage service. We don't stop at tyres, clutches, exhausts, engine diagnostic tests or even complex mechanical/electrical rebuilds. We'll go that extra mile to ensure that every problem is completely solved to give you total peace of mind, and keep you out of the workshop for longer! If we hadn't pressure tested the G-Wagon, Mr Greenwood would have been back in a very short time with all of the same problems - costing him more time and money...
Until next week,

Dr Kev Allen

Kam’s Column - 14/10/03

2003-10-14T09:35:00.000-07:00

Hello again!

Regular reader, I am totally ashamed by the latest outbreak of football violence in Turkey. I'm not going to speculate on which team started it, or who threw the first punch - but I will say that it is totally reprehensible and does even more damage to the beautiful game. Someone once said that rugby was a hooligan's game played by gentlemen and football, a gentleman's game played by hooligans. On the strength of the antics in Turkey, I'm left wondering...

There's a fight of a different kind brewing in Parliament. Iain Duncan Smith (or Ids as he is known - sounds like a medical condition to me) has, apparently, acted improperly and employed his wife as the diary secretary when he became leader of the Conservative Party. Well, I'm sure that is very wrong and very naughty, but let's face it regular reader - do we really care? Let's ignore the minor issues and get back to proper politics - healthcare, education, law and order, pensions and the like. If this country spent as much time worrying about the things that matter as the little fringe bits that don't make a blind bit of difference in the real world, I feel that we'd actually get something done... I will get off my soapbox now.

Which reminds me... David Blaine is coming to the end of his "Box Stunt" - 44 days sealed in a glass box dangling over the Thames. A feat of endurance, surely, but I personally don't see the point. Hunger strikes are nothing new and it isn't really anything that special. Now, a Buddhist 100-day fast retreat - that's something different...

This week's tale concerns a Mr 'X' - name completely obscured to totally protect his identity and prevent his misguidedness becoming common knowledge. Anyway, Mr X owns a brought his 'P' plated Peugeot 306 in for its full service and free MoT last week.

"Now Kev, I know what I'm about with this car" he said, waving in its direction. "There's nothing wrong with it, it's mint. I'll see you in a couple of hours."

Well, let's just say that Mr X didn't really know what he was about with this particular car as it failed the MoT on plenty of minor points, although to be fair all of the major systems scraped through. As you know, as well as providing the MoT sheets, we also do a thorough inspection of the vehicle, which we carried out before performing the full service. We do it this way around, because then we can give the customer an instant idea of exactly what is needed, rather than finding the faults in dribs and drabs.

I was quite shocked when I got to the rear brakes. Removing the drums was quite a job - not helped by the large amounts of brake dust that liberally coated every surface and were compacted into every groove. Once they were off, a familiar sight greeted me - the cylinders were leaking from behind the dust seals but hadn't quite got to contaminating the brake shoes.

Naturally, I advised Mr X of this when I gave him the full rundown of the car's health. However, the knowledgeable Mr X only gave me permission to fix the MoT points and a few of the service recommendations.
Now, I'm a man of the world and understand all about budget concerns. I know that sometimes the ready cash isn't there to fix everything at once, but the brakes were potentially deadly. We insisted that it should be done, but Mr X wasn't having any of it and refused to get his wheel cylinders replaced.

A few days later, Shaun took a phone call from a very panicked Mr X.
"Shaun, I need you to retrieve my car from a brick wall!" As it turned out, Mr X had had to stamp on the brakes to avoid a cute, fluffy bunny rabbit that had leapt out of a hedge at him - and found that the brake pedal just went to the floor! That cute, fluffy bunny rabbit had a lot to answer for, by the sound of it (it wasn't Mr X's fault of course - or was it?).
Shaun naturally dispatched the Kam Rescue Team to the scene and disentangled the wall and the 306. Fortunately, the 306 only sustained light cosmetic damage and wasn't seriously injured.

Once back in the workshop, Shaun started to strip the brakes - and guess what he found? The brake cylinder dust seals had given way and dumped all of the cylinder fluid over the brake shoes! It didn't take that long for Shaun to fit new shoes and cylinders to make the 306 roadworthy again.
"I should have listened to you the first time," said a dejected Mr X. "If I had done I wouldn't have hit that wall and would have actually saved some money..."

It isn't our business to tell our customers how to spend their money, but we do try to give the best professional advice that we can. It's obvious that we are in this trade to make money (we do have to eat!) but not at the expense of our customers. As I hope you, and any potential Mr X's out there, should know - we only fix those things that need fixing so if we do recommend something, you know that it really should be attended to. And of course, if you have got a particular budget, we do our utmost to stick to that.

Until next week, drive safely!

Dr Kev Allen

Kam’s Column - 07/10/03

2003-10-07T09:34:00.000-07:00

Hello again!

Dr Kev for Councillor! What do you think, regular reader? Dr Kev standing
up for the rights of the community, voicing political opinions and getting
things changed for the better?

Well, I hate to disappoint you, but I'm not running for office just yet.
Watching the political dogfight in California with Arnold (yes, we're on
first name terms) has got me thinking about how easy is may be to get into
office. Of course, I haven't got the millions in the bank or the support of
some of the continent's richest people (or the womanising misdemeanours in
my past to add colour to the campaign) so it would be a little more of a
struggle. But surely there must be an opening for someone down to earth,
honest and trustworthy?

Talking of scandal, have you been following the allegations surrounding
certain Premiership players? Of course, we can rest easy that Derby Town
aren't involved - sometimes being in the first division has its advantages!
On a serious note, the allegations are shocking and don't do anything to
enhance the reputation of a sport already marred by crowd misbehaviour. I
hope that the whole sorry situation can be wrapped up smoothly and
correctly.

Doing things correctly has always been a great concern of mine, which is why I went into the motors business in the first place. There isn't any point
in half doing a job, or not doing it well enough - especially if you are a
mechanic with people's implicit trust in you. In fact, not doing things
properly is one reason that I give to dissuade some wanna-be mechanics from tinkering with their cars. A very good example of this is Mr McGregor (name changed to spare his innocence and blushes).

Last week, Mrs McGregor had noted that the brakes on the family Vauxhall
Corsa were "feeling just terrible". Mentioning this to her husband was the
first mistake, as he is an unrepentant tinkerer. Having worked a lot on his
first car (an Austin Allegro back in the day), Mr McGregor decided that
modern cars couldn't be that much different and promised his wife that he
would sort out the brakes post haste.

It all seemed to go well until Mr McGregor handed the keys to his better
half for test drive. We're not privy to the conversation that followed, but
suffice to say that the situation was even worse. Being a busy lady, Mrs
McGregor decided to take 'Olive' (on account of the number plate letters you
see) to the local fast fitter, just next to her office.

An hour later, and several pounds lighter, Mrs McGregor was told that the
brakes would need a bleed - and that this workshop didn't have the relevant
tools! Can you imagine that, regular reader! Obviously Mrs McGregor's next
step was to bring the car to someone who did have the correct tools for
every job - us!

Naturally, all of this couldn't have happened in the week - and 'Olive'
arrived on the Sawley forecourt bright and early Sunday morning (Mr McGregor had been tinkering on the Saturday).

"I'm getting fed up of this, Kev. I should learn not to let him play!" Mrs
McGregor was highly indignant, especially as she had to be at a family lunch
in just a few hours time!

"Just leave 'Olive' with me, and I'll fix it for you," I said with my most
reassuring political campaign type smile. "In the mean time, have a
courtesy car. I'll call you once everything is completed."

Well, I'm surprised that Mrs McGregor dared to actually drive the car into
us! The brakes were frankly shocking, and I didn't have the nerve to even
get to the end of the road on the test run. Back in the workshop, it was
time to see what Mr McGregor had been up to.

Actually, to give him credit, he hadn't done a terrible job - he'd just not
replaced the calliper return spring properly. Very important but very hard
to do at the same time. Once it was fitted properly, it was time for
another test run, which only yielded a slight improvement.

The only solution was to have a look at the back brakes, as I would have
given a Dr Kev guarantee on the front now that I had checked them. You
wouldn't believe the state of those rears! I don't think that anyone had
ever looked at them! Thick in brake dust and road filth, the brakes were barely working, and when they did, the muck on them was causing them to
catch and not move smoothly.

It took me a couple of hours to strip them down completely, clean every
component and put them back together. Once this was accomplished, the car stopped on a second's notice! Job done.

While the car was in the workshop, we also fixed the driver's door, which was sagging somewhat due to a missing 8mm bolt. And would you believe it,
the fast fitter didn't have a bolt that would fit! Not only have we got a
tool for every occasion, we've got the nuts and bolts too!

Later in the afternoon, the McGregors were back to collect 'Olive'. They
had obviously had a good lunch, as Mr McGregor was asleep in the passenger
seat of our courtesy car - and Mrs McGregor was looking more than a little
miffed at having to drive (yet again, as she told me later!).

She was delighted with the state of the car, and enthusiastically told me
that she'd now hide her husband's toolbox so that he couldn't tinker
anymore! How mean - she should let him keep at least one spanner, and maybe a wrench too. I'm sure that a full socket set would be appreciated as
well...

Until next week,

Dr Kev Allen.

Kam’s Column - 30/09/03

2003-09-30T09:33:00.000-07:00

Hello Again!

Well, regular reader, what a weekend! Derby and Forest, face to face on the field. Derby on a trip to Forest's home turf; Forest, higher in the table, expecting a victory. And what happens? A 1 - 1 draw! What a result for the Derby lads! I'm not saying who should have won the game, but it was exciting to see the two local sides battling it out! And, as we're right on the border of the Derby/Forest territories, everyone is pretty happy with the result!

In my excitement over the footy, it had nearly slipped my mind that we are now deep in the dark depths of political conference season. Every time I flick on the news, there's an update from the Labour Conference in Bournemouth with another grey suited politician frothing the faithful into a frenzy. All very well and good, but I'm unconvinced that Conferences can act as anything more than rousing the already converted rabble. If politicians want to get more votes, then surely they should be listening to the country at large, not just the activists who will probably vote for them in any eventuality?

Anyway, away from politics for a second, this weekend was a very special one. No, I'm not talking footy (for once) - rather the fact that, for the first time ever, Kam was open on a Sunday! Yes, that's right. We've been promising Sunday opening for quite a time and now Sawley will be throwing its doors open seven days a week! This should, in theory, make everyone's life a lot easier - you'll have more time to get your car serviced and we won't have a mad rush on Monday mornings. However, it doesn't always work that way, as I'm about to relate...

Mr Swinton (name changed to protect his innocence) brought his Renault Laguna TDI in to us on Sunday morning for its MoT. During the course of the test, I noted that the radiator was in a frankly shocking state - but believe it or not, the radiator isn't an MoT failable item! So the car passed the test, but that radiator was worrying.

"To be honest, Mr Swinton, I'm not actually very happy about allowing you to take this car home." I said. As you know, I won't recommend work unless it is definitely needed - and if we didn't fix that radiator, I was worried that some serious damage would be done. "We've got a courtesy car available now, if you want to leave yours here for a new radiator."

"Thanks Kev, but I've got a load of tools in the boot, and all of my golf clubs. Plus I need to pick the wife up, she won't be happy if I'm delayed. Look, I'll drop the car off on Tuesday morning on my way to the golf club. You'll be able to sort it out then, won't you?"

I really wasn't very happy about this. But you know the old saying - you can show a customer a failing radiator but you can't make them top it up...

Anyway, the Laguna arrived as planned on Tuesday morning, but not under its own power! Mr Swinton had evidently forgotten to tell his wife how serious the problems with the radiator were, and she'd tried to take the car to work in Leicester. It doesn't sound so bad, until you realise that there had been an accident on the road and the traffic was at a standstill. Within moments the temperature gauge would have been standing to attention...

"Looks like you've got another head gasket job on your hands, Kev" said the AA man (who incidentally is becoming a well known colleague as he's brought so many timing belts into us - I'll come back to this later).
This didn't look good at all, so I dispatched Mrs Swinton with one of our courtesy cars and hauled the Laguna into the Tech Bay at Heanor, where we do all of our major work.

Well, regular reader, the job took around 11 hours. As you can imagine, I had my heart in my mouth as I was stripping the engine down - there could be some serious damage lurking within the aluminium cylinder heads.

But, as luck would have it, it was only the head gasket that had blown! The break was quite obvious between the third and fourth cylinders and, once the head had passed the re-facing and crack testing procedures with flying colours, it was relatively simple to get the Laguna put back together. Of course, all of this expense was totally unnecessary as I'd offered Mr Swinton a courtesy car on the Sunday and would have fixed the problem before it became even more serious...

From end to end, it took us a short three days to turn the Laguna around - that includes waiting for the engineering company to re-face and crack test the head to make sure that we weren't storing any problems up for the future. Even I was impressed!

Now, I've already mentioned timing belts once, but I'm going to come back to them now. I'm still getting cars coming in with broken belts - even after I've given owners verbal and written warnings - and there are still people out there wasting money on easily avoided engine repairs! I'm trying to save you money and aggravation, regular readers! Listen to Dr Kev!

With the winter rapidly closing in (and bringing plenty of colds and sniffles with it), it's time to think about booking your car in for a comprehensive Kam Winter Service. We'll ensure that every aspect of your car is ready for the cold, damp, inclement weather, to protect you from any unforeseen expenditure over the winter months.
Naturally, we can carry out checks like these on a Sunday down at Sawley, so give us a call and make an appointment. And, as I'll be in the workshop, why not come and meet Dr Kev face to face in his Surgery?

Until next week (or next Sunday if you're going to come visiting Sawley)

Dr Kev Allen

Kam’s Column - 16/09/03

2003-09-16T09:33:00.000-07:00

Hello Again!

Have you been following the news surrounding J-Lo and Ben Affleck? Are they getting married? Are they calling it off? Are these people living in the real world? In fact, are they even taking marriage seriously - I thought that it was meant to be a firm commitment for life, not something that you can turn on and off like a light switch... Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I hold family values close to my heart - as does Kam as a company since it is family run and always has been. We like to look after our customers and build steady relationships with them - you'll find no 'Hollywood Revolving-Door Weddings' here...

Talking of family values and weddings, this week's story concerns Miss Abigail Smith (name changed to protect her innocence - although the pseudonym is now somewhat superfluous as you'll soon discover) and her beloved VW Karmann Ghia. Miss Smith has owned the Karmann for the past five years and, being a true VW enthusiast, does a lot of the work on it herself. Brake pad changes, engine servicing and rudimentary tuning are all within her perfectly manicured grasp - and I must say that she does an excellent job as every time it comes in for an MoT, everything is usually spot on.

Not this time though. For once, Miss Smith had decided to ask us to do the servicing (and getting a free MoT in the process), because she couldn't risk chipping a nail or scratching her hands. You see, Miss Smith was about to become Mrs Jones in a lavish ceremony and wanted everything to be perfect. And of course, perfect meant being driven to the service, by her father, in the Karmann Ghia. She told me all of this excitedly while she was booking the car in.

"Oh Kev, you should see the dress! And the hotel! And the flowers! And and..." You can imagine, regular reader, and I do have to confess that my eyes filled up slightly as I imagined my little girl in this position later in her life. The perfect man, the perfect wedding, the perfect life... And that was just Mandy's wedding day!

As soon as I turned the key, I heard something I didn't like. There was a rattle, underneath the engine note. A very light rattle, nothing really that noticeable beneath the grumble of the air-cooled flat four. I'd heard it, once, years ago on another VW that was steadily stripping all of the bearing shells in the engine. Miss Smith had told me that she'd heard something amiss a few days back, but with all the wedding preparations hadn't really digested it.

I shook my head. With all the love Miss Smith had lavished on the car, surely this couldn't be happening? Just before her wedding? I shook my head again, probably a loose bolt somewhere.

To cut a long story short, I was right (sometimes I really hate being right). When I drained the oil from the engine, there were hundreds of tiny shards of metal in there. Something was badly wrong in the engine. Time for a phone call.

"Oh" was the only reply I received. "Oh Kev." I could hear the tears welling up in Miss Smith's voice. "Oh Kev. What am I going to do?"
The options were few. We could either strip the engine and rebuild it, fit a second hand powerplant or get a new unit sent from one of the specialist VW parts dealers.

"We couldn't give you a Kam guarantee on any replacement engine," I told her. "You'd have to rely on any guarantee that came with it. If we rebuilt the engine then we could guarantee it. But I don't know how long that would take. From the phone calls I've made, it looks like buying a new reconditioned unit would cost about the same as Kam doing the work for you."

"Oh Kev...If I ask you to do the work for me, can you have it done in time?"
It was going to be a tall order, a very very tall order.
"Miss Smith, I guarantee that I'll have the Karmann back with you for your wedding day. And if I don't I will personally pay for a limousine to take you to the church!"

As I'm sure that you know, Kam is a family run company and we like to treat our customers as part of the Kam family. So, once the lads heard about the task in hand, I was inundated with offers of help. Everything from fetching and carrying the new parts that would be required, to cleaning the car (inside and out) once we'd finished! That's what I call team spirit.

The workshop was a flurry of activity, with phone calls being made to find the best rebuild parts at the best prices, the old engine being carefully taken apart and assessed. Once we knew what we were facing, it was a race against time to get all of the parts delivered and installed.

It took two days to get the engine into a state where we could confidently refit it (most of the time was waiting for parts to arrive). With the wedding now less than 36 hours away, I had to make provision for failure and arranged a limousine - making it clear that they might not actually be needed. This was going to be tight.

The evening before the wedding, we finally got the engine in and tuned. Regular reader, it purred like a kitten! But that wasn't the end of the story. You need to be gentle with rebuilt engines, so I had to take it on a lengthy road test to start wearing it in. This was 10pm and the car had to be outside Miss Smith's house for 8am the next day. The time window was closing - fast!

I am delighted to say that the roadtest when even better than I had hoped and when I got back to the depot at about midnight, the lads were waiting there to give the car a thorough polish and wax ready for the big day. It was finished at about 3am, time for me to get a few hours sleep before changing into my Sunday best (no, not a footy strip1) to deliver the car, bang on 8am.

I tell you regular reader, seeing the look on Miss Smith's face made up for the lack of sleep, the awkward job and the stress of watching the clock! But that's what we are all about here at Kam - we'll go that extra mile for our customers.

Until next week,

Dr Kev Allen

Kam’s Column - 09/09/03

2003-09-09T09:32:00.000-07:00

Hello again!

I don't know if you saw the England game on Saturday, but it wasn't the most inspiring display of skills that I've ever seen. I won't go as far to say that it dragged, but I certainly wasn't sitting on the edge of my seat (in fact, I was slumped rather far back into it, digesting a particularly wonderful lunch). Still, it was a solid performance and can be looked on as a good warm up game. I don't know about you, regular reader, but I long for a bit of excitement...

World news this week hasn't been particularly vibrant either. The Hutton enquiry is still dragging on, and I have to wonder whether anyone is really interested in the result any more. It was briefly exciting when Big Tone took to the stand, but no real revelations came of it. More interesting is the pending communications reshuffle at number ten - and even then that is fairly dull for most people (apart from certain journalists that is).

This week's tale saw me doing plenty of preparation for the footy season - in fact, after this tale of derring-do, I think I'll be as fit as Becks himself! How and why... You'll have to be patient!

As you know, most of our business now comes from word of mouth recommendation, and so it was that Mr Ed Daniels (name changed to protect his innocence) found us a few years back. A friend of my father's, Mr Daniels then owned a rather fine vintage BMW. The years took their toll and so he decided to trade up to the latest Ford Mondeo Tdi, taking delivery of the fine beast just last week. All was well until he went to the theatre on Sunday night.

Whether he didn't enjoy the production or just fancied a few drinks at the interval is as yet unrecorded, but when he left the theatre, he decided that the best thing to do would be to leave the car in the multi-story where it had been sitting for the evening, and return the next morning to collect it. Although he wouldn't have been over the limit, Mr Daniels takes the highly sensible 'zero is best' policy when it comes to drinking and driving. And anyway, it was on the top level of a multi-story - what harm could it come to?

Well, regular reader, when he returned to the multi-story the next morning, Mr Daniels discovered that his new pride and joy had been vandalised! Some urchin had decided that this was the vehicle to steal for the night and had managed to gain entry into the cabin. However, all attempts at hotwiring had failed, thanks to an anti-theft ignition pack fitted to all Mondeos. As you can imagine, this was a double-edged sword - the car hadn't moved but the console and wiring loom were pretty much trashed. So he called Kam in desperation. (You may be wondering how the criminals were going to get the car out of the car park as it was ticket only entry/exit. It appears that Mr Daniels had left his entry ticket in full view in the car - so to the ticket booth attendant, all would have looked hunky-dory...)

"Kev, my recovery company won't come up the multi-story - I'm stuck!"
"It's OK, Mr Daniels. I'll get the lads out with a courtesy car and the recovery truck, and we'll get your car back to the workshop."

If only things were that simple! When Glynn arrived at the multi-story, he discovered that it was in fact one of the older style with low ceilings - meaning that we couldn't get our truck under the front barrier, let alone up the ramps! And as the Mondeo wouldn't start, there was only one thing for it - to come back to base and get Dr Kev!

Out we went again, me with my toolbox, Glynn with a Thermos. And of course, this being an older car park, the lifts weren't in great shape - so I decided to use the stairs. All eight flights of them!

Once at the Mondeo, it was fairly simple to diagnose the fault (that the wiring loom was shredded and the console broken!) and work out which parts would be required. A quick phone call to the local Ford dealer was all that it took to check that they ad the relevant bits on the shelf, so down the stairs I ran. Then back up because I'd left the truck keys with Glynn (he was minding the Mondeo in case another urchin tried their luck). Then down again.

I was back within the half-hour, running up the stairs loaded with all of the new parts from Ford. It didn't take long to rewire the ignition and refit the console, and with that done, it was time to recode the key and set the ECU back up again. Guess where I'd left my recoder? Yes, in the truck, outside! Once more down and up...

Eventually the job was sorted and the Mondeo started up good as new. Thankfully, the car park didn't charge for the overnight stay - I think that they were feeling guilty that the car had been vandalised on their patch! Still, it's all part of the Kam service, to reach places other companies can't - and it did my fitness training a lot of good I can tell you!

This week has been another Stunner for Stunners and I've had so many people comment how cheap the tyres are - even in comparison to some dedicated fast fit style tyre depots. If you don't believe me, do a bit of ringing around and then come down to Kam!

A number of customers have asked me this week about Sunday opening. We are planning to open on Sundays in the future, but which depot and when is still under discussion! It is an open, on-running topic of conversation and I'll let you know more when I do!

On a final note for the week, it's getting dark and chilly again, so it's a good time to consider your winter service. Of course, Kam do quite a number of checks for free, so come down and see how much money you won't be spending!

Until next week,

Dr Kev Allen

Kam’s Column - 02/09/03

2003-09-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

Hello again!

Have you seen Beckham's comments about losing the chance to win the World Cup that have been published in the media recently? He feels that he's missed the best opportunity to lift the trophy that he's ever had - and seems to have written the rest of the England squad off in the process by saying that last year's competition may be the best chance that any of them will ever have! What about the current or future line-ups? No wonder the press keep blowing hot and cold on him if he's coming out with those statements!

Something else I spotted and just had to tell you about is the latest Toyota Prius. Now, you know me, I love all cars equally (but some more equally than others) - but this Prius looks like something special. It isn't the car as such, but rather one of the options that you can buy for it - the automatic parking system! Yes, that's right, the Prius will park itself without any input from you at all! Just imagine that - I'd love to get the chance to test it out in some of the more poorly designed multi-stories that I've encountered. Mandy would love it, as she finds reverse parking a bit difficult at times if the kids are play-fighting in the back (as children do). I wonder if Toyota would be kind enough to give me a go; in the interests of unbiased reporting of course...
As you all know, we were running a skeleton staff here on Bank Holiday Monday to make sure that we could get your cars back to you in time for the return to work on Tuesday. With plenty of jobs on the books, it was quite a busy day. However, the schedule changed slightly when Mr Amberton (name changed to protect his innocence) brought his Ford Transit in.

"Kev, I really need your help! I'm trying to get a piece of machinery to one of the businesses on the industrial estate and my van is grinding and banging at me! I need to deliver this equipment because the company are working today and have a production deadline to meet!"

He was looking really rather panicked by this point. Glancing at the van, I recognised the logo on the side as belonging to one of the locally based industrial courier firms. "Ok Mr Amberton, it shouldn't be a problem. What I can do is lend you one of our works vans so that you can make your delivery while we attend to the Transit."
His eyes positively lit up, regular reader, and he pumped my hand enthusiastically. I can't tell you what he had in the back of that van (a machine of some sort, but nothing like I'd encountered before) but it was rather heavy! Once we'd packed him off in our van, it was time to get the Transit into the workshop.

Since we knew that Mr Amberton needed the van back as soon as possible (he had to get another piece of equipment back to the Scottish borders by nightfall), I asked the ever-wise Glynn if he would give me a hand. Naturally he agreed, not before making another brew though! I swear that man has caffeine for blood!
Mr Amberton wasn't exaggerating when he said that the van was grinding. Think of an old fashioned football rattle (the rectangular thing that you swing around) and that was just one part of the noise! It was also whistling and banging at the same time - this was not good.

Obviously, the first thing to do was to take the wheels off, as it was plain that the noise was coming from that area. You won't believe what we found under there and I don't think that I have ever seen such a mess in all my years in the workshop!
As soon as the driver's wheel came off, the problem was clear. Because the van had been hammering up and down the motorway, and had obviously missed some vital services, the brake discs were broken! There was a huge crack running through each front disc, the pads were threadbare and the mechanism was worn down almost as far as you can go. I can't believe that the van still stopped!

On further investigation, it transpired that the wheel bearings were significantly worn and both lower ball joints were completely shot. Amazing. Of course, being a Bank Holiday Monday, not many companies are as dedicated as us here at Kam (or Mr Amberton's courier firm for that matter) - so where were we going to get the right parts?

Help was at hand in the form of our super computer model list, which gave us the numbers for all of the bits that we would need to repair the running gear. And, what do you know, the Kam parts store had everything on the shelf! A quick phone call to Mr Amberton brought him up to date with the situation and gave us the go ahead to fit all of the new parts.

You're probably wondering how long all of this took. Well, I can tell you that from the van grinding in to purring out, we spent two hours on the job! As you can imagine, Mr Amberton was delighted - so much so in fact that he has given Kam the maintenance contract for all of the vehicles on his fleet (over 20 vans I'm told)! He is coming back next week to trial our Stunners as he's heard so many good things about them through this column!

Of course, not all grinding noises are as easy to diagnose as this one was. But it just goes to show that what might just sound like a grind could actually be deadly serious (potentially literally). I'm still amazed that the brakes on that Transit worked at all - there really was a very nasty accident waiting to happen there. But all's well that ends well!

Until next week,

Dr Kev Allen.

Kam’s Column - 18/08/03

2003-08-18T09:31:00.000-07:00

Hello Again!

Mandy's been complaining this week about her newly rediscovered status as a football 'widow'. I keep explaining to her that this is Football, not just any old obsession (did I really just say obsession?) but she's having none of it.

However, when I pointed out that I would be taking the kids out for the morning on Saturday, leaving her to some much needed peace and quiet, she almost pushed me out of the door! I must have won that little argument, as she's bought me a new Derby scarf. Or perhaps she wants me out of the house more often?

After last week's story, we've had tale after tale of electrical disaster coming into the workshop. The most perplexing came down from our Sutton-in-Ashfield car sales site. They'd taken a two year old Ford Galaxy in as part-exchange and were giving it their usual complete mechanical and physical check over (which includes a full pre-sales service and MoT). Anyway, everything appeared to be spot on, until the inspector finished the test drive, parked up in the parking bay and tried to lock it. The central locking refused to work from the driver's door. There was no motor noise, no resistance against the key turn, nothing. However, all was fine from the passenger door.

"Kev, it's Paul up at Sutton - I've got a problem that I need you to fix. In fact, I could do with it done sharpish as I've already had someone see the car arrive and are hassling me for a test drive!" (Paul's the manager up at Sutton by the way)

"No worries Paul, I've got a willing victim," I shot a glance over to the as-yet unaware Shaun. "We'll get it sorted for you."

Once the Galaxy arrived, Shaun took one look at it and informed me that I was the finer auto electrician and that he couldn't possibly tackle a job of this magnitude. He disappeared after delivering this little speech before I could see whether he was just trying to unload a potentially fiddly job or was being straight-up. What do you think regular reader?

It looked like it should be a fairly simple fix, so I got down to the task of removing the door panels to check the motors. And what do you know? Both the driver and passenger door were chocked full of new bits! Each had a sparkling motor, linkages and even micro switches! It seems that the previous owner had had everything replaced without actually getting the problem solved and so had chosen to offload the car! From a quick mental calculation, I estimate that around £600 had already been spent...

I checked each of the components and the interconnecting wires with my trusty multimeter and found nothing amiss. Once I'd put the panels back into place, I tested the locking again, just in case it had decided to spark back into life, but found that it still didn't work from the driver's door.

Just as I was going to get myself a contemplative brew, I happened to notice that there was a service history folder sitting on the rear luggage cover, so I opened the boot to pick it up.

That's when something very odd hit me - I had only just locked the doors (from the passenger side), but hadn't put the key anywhere near the boot lock! When I removed the inner panelling, I couldn't believe my eyes - the tailgate was devoid of any central locking parts at all! The brackets were present and correct, but there were no motors or anything! Curious...

It is possible that the lack of locking apparatus in the boot could cause a fault further down the system, so I replaced all of the missing parts (which we would have had to do to make the car sellable anyway) - but still no joy! I could tell that this was going to be one of those really perplexing tasks.
Once I'd sorted out the rear tailgate, it was time to have a look at the service history. It was here that I found my next clue - a small receipt for "Bodywork Repair: tailgate, primer and paint", but with no more information than that. This got me thinking, and I started searching around the rear of the car looking for any signs of damage.

Why the back? Well, if the car had been in a rear end shunt and had to have the tailgate replaced, then this could explain the lack of locking motors. It was a long shot...

But, in true Kam style, that hunch paid off when I located a piece of trim that hadn't been refitted quite flush with the boot lip. Under here lay a collection of loose wires and the Central Locking Control Box (affectionately nicknamed the 'Black Box'). All of these were showing signs of water damage, where rain had blown in under the incorrectly fitted trim panel. As a new 'Black Box' is a rather costly item (to say the least), my first course of action was to try and repair the existing unit - which didn't do any good.
I was sure that the 'Black Box' was at fault, it could only have been that - but I didn't want to order a new one without being 100% certain. Fortunately, luck was on my side as we were servicing another Galaxy for Sutton, so I borrowed the 'Black Box' from that one and put it into the problem car.

On first turn of the key, all of the doors locked! Dr Kev wins again! I could now order a new 'Black Box' safe in the knowledge that this was the problem and so avoid any extra expenditure.

For what I hear, the water had barely dried from Sutton's pre sale carwash before the Galaxy was out on a test drive! And of course, the new owners can be certain that it will lock perfectly every time. If only the prior owner had known that we could have fixed the locking without replacing every componant needlessly, maybe he would have held onto it!
Until next week,

Dr Kev Allen

Kam’s Column - 12/08/03

2003-08-12T09:31:00.000-07:00

Hello again!

What a hot week it's been! I don't know about you, regular reader, but I'm sure I've lost weight just by sweat alone! It has been incredible and we have had so many cars coming into the workshop with various cooling problems. And, I'm sorry to say, checking back on the customer service records for most of these cars, I discovered that we had warned the owners about the states of their cooling systems... You can lead a horse to water (oh, for a glass of cold water right now!) as the old saying goes!

The football season has started again - and has picked up from where it left off. Derby lost and Forest won (congratulations guy!), so no change there. Oh, and talking of sport, I managed to beat Shaun on the golf course over the weekend!

In all of my years as a mechanic, I don't think that I have ever had a job as perplexing as Mr Johnson's 1999 Peugeot 306 TDI that came into the workshop last Thursday. Mr Johnson (name changed to protect his innocence) had been recommended to us by the Williams family (as an aside, did you know that over 90% of our business now comes from word of mouth?), who have been long standing customers of ours.

It all seemed very simple really. After Mr Johnson had bought his 306 from an auction up North (he was down visiting the Williams' family), he noted that the intermittent windscreen wipe wasn't, well, wiping. Additionally, there was no park function, so he had to time the exact second that he turned the wipers off to get them to stop at the bottom of the 'screen. I rubbed my hands in glee, a nice quick job to make a change from the lengthy rewiring tasks I had been undertaking recently.

"Ah, Kev, there's slightly more to this story," said Mr Johnson. My heart sank. "I've been to three separate garages, had a brace of new parts fitted, shelled out a load of cash and still it doesn't work. And no-one seems to know what the problem is. It's time to see if you really are as good as you claim!"

The gloves were thrown down - this was a true Dr Kev challenge. Armed with my trust toolkit and multimeter (for checking the electrics), I advanced on the recently arrived Peugeot like John Wayne facing down the bad guys in 'True Grit'.

The first thing to do was obviously to check that all of the new parts that had been installed were not only correct for the model and the year, but that they were actually working. So, I tested the new relays, the new motor, the new spindles and wiper arms, the new switch and I even checked that the brand new wipers hadn't stuck to the windscreen in this heat. It all checked out.

To be honest regular reader, it made me sick to think that Mr Johnson had been to so many garages and been forced to pay out so much money without getting any resolution on the problem. Then again, what would I have done in the same situation? Probably put my hands up and admitted that I didn't know. But I couldn't do that now - I was on a challenge to uphold my name!

To escape the phones and hurly burly of the main workshop, I took the 306 to the Technical bay at Heanor, where I was guaranteed some peace and quiet. I have to confess, regular reader, that I was totally baffled by the non-functioning wipers. So, the only thing for it was to contort myself under the dashboard to inspect all of the wires, fuses and relays that lurk under there.

You can imagine what that was like in this heat! My feet where wedged between the 'shoulders' of the two front seats, my right shoulder was crunched up and my head was almost rest on the clutch pedal at points! My chiropractor would have had a field day!

No matter which way I contorted my body, I couldn't find anything wrong. All of the wires were in good condition, the motors had plenty of juice running through them and none of the relays had seized.

The only thing to do was to take a break for a while - sometimes getting some space on the problem gives you a new perspective. While getting a nice fresh cup of tea, I decided to phone a few of the local dealers and some other mechanic friends. All of them listened to the problems and said, very kindly, that I had done everything that they would have done. It was all beginning to look a little futile.

Once I'd finished the brew, I got up and smoothed out my overalls. As I did so, a little fragment of broken windscreen glass fell out. I picked it up for a closer inspection, wondering where it had come from. As I'd only worked on the Peugeot and had put a clean set of overalls on that morning, it had to be from that car. Not that this led me any further forward...

While I was on my break, a beautiful Mercedes SLK rolled into the workshop. Now, as I'm sure you know, these also have the intermittent wipe, same as the 306, and I got to wondering how it worked.

After a few minutes, it transpired that the windscreen had tiny rain sensors in it, and the wires for these sensors ran up through the headlining. As I'd tried everything else, I decided to have a closer inspection of the 306's roof, thinking that maybe the shard of glass was a clue after all.

And what do you know? There was a tiny ruck in the headlining and under that ruck lay two neatly coiled wires! At some point before Mr Johnson had owned the car, the windscreen had obviously been replaced, and the replacement didn't have the special rain sensors in it. Once I'd given Mr Johnson the news, he authorised us to replace the 'screen with the correct one and once we had, I connected the wires up.

But how to test it? If in doubt, take a bucket of water outside and drip it slowly on the windscreen! Once the first few drops had hit, on came the wipers for an intermittent sweep! Victory was mine!

It's amazing how difficult something as simple as the intermittent wipe can be to fix in certain cars. To the naked eye, the windscreen on the 306 looks no different to a normal 'inert' 'screen and, with no history of it being replaced, it is no wonder every other garage missed the true fault.

Well, that's it for another week regular readers! Now that Mr Johnson's wipers are fixed, I think that we can al safely pray for some rain and a break from this heat!

Dr Kev Allen.

Kam’s Column - 04/08/03

2003-08-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

Hello again!

I was amazed to read a story in the papers about a man who has been prosecuted for helping people to cheat on their driving theory test. Not the most difficult examination in the world, the theory test was compromised by a driving instructor who allegedly made over £200,000 by communicating with examinees via a mobile phone link. Not only was this wrong, but it also begs a fundamental question - if people can't pass the theory test unaided, should they be allowed on the road at all? Your thoughts please!

I must take this opportunity to offer my apologies to all of our customers who have tried to book their cars in with us over the past week. We're experiencing a (new) upsurge in our business and, combined with a sudden rush of terminal head gasket failures, we are becoming really rather booked up. In fact, some of our customers at Heanor are having to wait three weeks for major engineering works! Let me assure you that we're working as quickly as we can, regular reader, but we can't help it if we are really that popular! Plus, as you know, we refuse to skimp on our thorough approach to problems just to reduce the waiting times...

This week's story is a truly unusual one. Mr Houston (name changed to protect his innocence) was one of the lucky customers who booked their cars into the workshop before the head gasket fever began. His car, a Mercedes S Class had a simple enough sounding problem - the automatic gearbox was periodically jumping from 'Drive' into 'Reverse'. Naturally, I told him to bring it down to the workshop for me to have a look.

Now, I knew that something was up when the Merc arrived - it had obviously had some substantial body modification carried out as the bonnet was dramatically shortened. And I'm not talking about run-into-the-back-of-a-truck shortened either! This had been done properly...

Before Mr Houston picked up one of the last remaining courtesy cars, he turned and grinned at me.

"Just before I leave Kev, I think that you ought to have a look under the bonnet."

"Erm... OK" I'd got no idea why I should need to have a look at an S Class engine to fix a problem with the gearbox, but there was obviously a hidden agenda here, so dutifully I popped the bonnet.

"I don't see what's... Ahh" I said as I looked down. There was no S Class engine in this Mercedes - instead Mr Houston had fitted a heavily modified 5.7-litre Chevrolet Blazer engine into the car.

"Yes, and it's mated to the Blazer 'box as well, Kev. Just thought you'd like to know before you start work!" And with that, he was off, leaving me scratching my head. A Blazer engine, in a Mercedes? Who had ever heard of such a thing!

Not to be dissuaded from the task in hand, I edged the S Class monster into the workshop and started to have a look for all of the obvious things. All of the filters were clean, the 'box oil was good and all of the linkages seemed to be moving freely. Although I'm not an auto 'box expert, I was fairly sure that there was nothing obviously wrong.

Which only left one thing - puzzlement. According to Mr Houston, the gear shifting had only started recently and for no apparent reason. He'd left the car with his wife for a few days while he went on a business trip to Holland and, when he came back, all the problems had started. In the mean time, his wife had only driven a few miles.

While I was standing there looking slightly confused, Glynn came sauntering past and stood next to me with a freshly brewed mug of tea. After a few moments, he pointed to the front of the car.

"You see those tyres, Kev?"

"Yes."

"What can you tell me about them?"

Looking hard at the tyres I thought for a moment. "They're not Stunners" (oh the horror!) "and they are pretty new. In fact, very new." I could still see the shop sticker on one of the treads.

"Exactly."

This left me no further forward, so I had to ask Glynn to explain just what he was on about.

"When the tyres were fitted, the chances are that the garage staff used a jack on the car rather than a lift. And, on something like this, the hard points aren't always that obvious, so certain people would have put the jack on the gearbox itself."

And what do you know? When I got underneath the car, the shroud that covered the 'box was scuffed and dented. Enlisting Glynn's help, it took about an hour to remove all of the shrouding so that we could have a good look - and the problem was then obvious. When the car had been jacked up, the weight of that huge engine and the body of the car resting on the small jack had caused the selector rods to be bent and pushed out of place.

Therefore, every so often, they would collide with the main gear selector and push the stick back into reverse. Simple! With a bit of skilful welding and rod positioning, the massive gearbox was as good as new.

It just goes to show that even a straightforward job like changing tyres has to be handled carefully to avoid any unwanted damage to your car. If only Mr Houston had come to Kam first!

When he came to pick up the car, I told him what we thought had caused the problem.

"I knew it!" He exclaimed. "Kathy had mentioned something about one of the tyres getting slashed and needing replacement. I'll be having words with that garage!"
I took the opportunity to explain to him that if he had had a set of Stunners put on, then he'd be covered against accidental damage as well as vandalism.

"OK, Kev, no need to rub it in!" He laughed.

Well, until next week regular readers, I'll be missing out on the heatwave to get all of your cars repaired!

Dr Kev Allen.

Kam’s Column - 29/07/03

2003-07-29T09:28:00.000-07:00

Hello Again!

As I'm sure that you are all aware regular reader, the legendary comedian Bob Hope died a few days ago at the impressive age of 100. I know that he had a 'good innings' (as I gather they say in swanky private cricket clubs), but I was really saddened at the news as I loved his brand of comedy. I have to say that some years ago, there was a hoax going around on the great man's birthday that he had died. I, believing everything that my good friends tell me, promptly called Mandy at home, sent a text message to my best mate and generally, in retrospect, made a bit of a fool of myself!

Apparently, the rumour came from Mr Hope himself - or is that just another tall tale that I was told?

This week's story is all about charging - both financial and electronic! Mr Shaw (name changed to protect his innocence) owns a rather nice four year-old Ford Escort that kept discharging the battery after four days. It was always on the fourth day, never the third or the fifth, which in itself was more than a little odd. Being a successful businessman, Mr Shaw spent much of his time hammering up and down the motorway, so had been to four separate garages around the country in order to get the problem sorted.

"But no-one has been able to do anything, Kev" he whined. "I've spent a small fortune trying to get this sorted, I've had four courtesy cars; three separate days of waiting on train platforms when courtesy cars weren't available and a multitude of bills with nothing to show for them! It's time to see if you really are as good with the wiring as you claim!"

This sounded like a challenge.

"No worries, Mr Shaw. If you could leave the car with us for a few days, we'll get the problem sorted for you. And of course, we have got a courtesy car waiting here for you to use in the meantime."

Typically, when the Escort arrived, I was up to my eyeballs with another job that had taken a little longer than expected, so I asked the ever-willing Glynn if he would mind taking a look.

"It's fine Kev, I can't see any problem with it at all. There's a clutch of new parts fitted" (at this point I looked at him quizzically - what had a clutch got to do with the electric system I wondered. Then I realised that I had misheard!) "and there seems to be plenty of charge in the battery. I can't find anything wrong with it."

Well, if Glynn said that he couldn't find anything, there obviously wasn't anything to be found. So I called Mr Shaw and suggested that we hold onto the car until the battery ran out - which it duly did three days later. We finally had a problem that we could see!

Since I had finally disentangled myself from the previous job, I took the opportunity to look the Escort over myself. Mr Shaw wasn't lying when he told me about the new parts that he'd had fitted. Under the bonnet sat a new alternator, new starter motor, plenty of new wiring and a new calcium sealed unit battery.

As soon as I saw the battery, the alarm bells started to ring. It wasn't that it was a dis-reputable brand - in fact it was one that we use ourselves - but it was the fact that it was brand spanking new and as such needs special treatment. There are different methods of testing the charge held by batteries; one for older units and one for newer. And, on closer inspection, it appeared that the previous garage had used the old method to test it! This meant that the battery had been irreversibly damaged and, when I tested it using our latest purchase, I could confirm that it just wouldn't hold charge. I checked with Mr Shaw before dropping a new battery in and, so I'm told, it is still charging happily a week later (unlike Kam - we didn't charge Mr Shaw for the inspection that Glynn carried out or for checking the car each day; as you know we won't charge unless we actually fix something).

In fact, I'm so confident that the problem won't reoccur that I have given Mr Shaw a personal Dr Kev guarantee! If the problem reoccurs with the new battery, Mr Shaw could find himself with a shiny new Rolls Royce...

I've had plenty of phone calls from your out there, regular readers, concerned about the men in white coats milling around Sawley recently. No, we weren't doing the oil and plugs on a UFO, and it wasn't the doctors come to take me away for offering such good deals - it was the council officials coming to inspect the plans for the extension that we're going to put on the Sawley site. It's going to be a big investment for the company and, once complete, we'll be able to carry out Class 7 MoT testing. We'll bring you more on the story as it comes in!

We've also been asked about Sunday openings. At the moment, we don't open on Sundays, but we may do sometime in the future. Afterall, everyone needs a day off sometime!

I'm also getting more people than ever coming into the workshop extolling the virtues of the Stunner tyres. Mr Shaw had a set put on his Escort while it was in (he'd only got 14000 miles out of his previous branded set!) and immediately commented on how much better the car felt. From Minis to Maseratis, the Stunners are performing much better than expected for everyone. In fact, I've got a set on my personal car - and as I have a wife and two small children, you can imagine that I only use products that I feel are totally safe. That's as good as a Dr Kev guarantee!
Until next week,

Dr Kev Allen.

Kam’s Column - 21/07/03

2003-07-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

Hello Again!

I'm sure you will be delighted to know, regular reader, that I've finally managed to extricate myself from all of those fantastic wiring jobs that you all sent into me. Many thanks to Dr Raj for filling in while I was dabbling with diodes and wrangling with the wires!

I had an absolutely brilliant weekend, possibly the best that I've had for a long time. No, Derby didn't win the Cup, nor did Owen decide that he wanted to come over on a free transfer. I spent the weekend being wined, dined and rubbing shoulders with celebrity - and it is all thanks to you out there!

Basically, you know that we are a Delphi Clutch and Brake fitting centre and, because of the size of our customer base, we were chosen to spend the weekend in the Delphi Suite at the Grand Prix!

So, there we were - yours truly along with some of the lads from the workshops - proudly displaying our "VIP Access" passes and who should we find standing right beside us? None other than the Terminator himself, Mr Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Naturally I asked him if he would like to come and do some promotional work for Kam, but I very quickly found myself talking to the lapels of his rather large bodyguards!

Of course, one of the great things about being at the GP with Delphi was that it really drove home just how good their products are. They make parts for the axles of the F1 cars as well as some of the braking components too. That means that whenever we fit a Delphi part to your car, you are getting the same level of technology as Ralf or Michael get on their vehicles! Now that really is impressive.

Once the day's racing was over on Saturday, the Delphi company directors asked for a bit of hush, and presented Kam with an award for the best supplier in this area!

Factors like the size of our customer base and customer retention were taken into consideration, and Kam came out on top (not that we were surprised)!

Back in the workshop on Monday, it was time to flash my 'Access All Areas' badge... I mean get down to work! Mr Foster (name changed to protect his innocence) had brought his Mazda 626 into Heanor, complaining that the brakes were constantly squealing.

"It's driving me mad, Kev," he said while trying to extricate an earplug from his left ear. "I have to wear these things" he pointed to the now freed plug, "just to get myself around town! Even the neighbours' dogs are howling when I drive past!"

I didn't like to say anything, but we knew that something was coming our way when we heard all the hounds in the area making a commotion street-by-street; we could have tracked Mr Foster's progress to the metre had we had the time!

"Don't worry Mr Foster," I said, "leave it with me and I'll personally guarantee that your car will never squeal like that again."

"I might just hold you to that, Kev - I've taken it to three separate garages and haven't had any improvement whatsoever. Good luck!"

It wasn't too hard to diagnose the problem. Once I'd whipped the wheels off, it all became obvious. The previous pads and discs that had been fitted to the 626 weren't of the best quality (that was putting it nicely!) and they were badly worn. Additionally, the poor quality had meant that little fragments of the pads had become caught in the actual braking mechanism, causing it to catch and squeal. This was a job for Delphi!
Once I had spoken to Mr Foster to check the cost of the new items, I offered up a set of Delphi pads and discs to the car and had them attached in no time at all. The test drive was totally silent (apart from me humming along to the radio of course) without a hint of noise from the brakes. As you can imagine, Mr Foster was delighted - especially when I gave him a Dr Kev guarantee that the problem would not reappear during the life of those pads and discs! I don't think we'll be seeing him again until the next service - unless he forgets to refill his coolant (something that I checked quickly while the car was up on the ramp). But none of you would ever forget such a basic thing, would you regular readers?

In the midst of all the GP excitement, the world has naturally kept turning and it hasn't escaped my notice that some heat is being turned on the Prime Minister over the death of Dr Kelly. I have a feeling that this matter is going to run and run, especially once the conspiracy theorists get their teeth into it...

That's it for another week, when I can assure you that I will be back (having spent time in the proximity of the great Austrian I have had the chance to perfect my accent for those all important 'Hollywood Theme' evenings)! Have a quiet week!

Dr Kev

Kam’s Column - 15/07/03

2003-07-15T09:27:00.000-07:00

Hello Again!

I feel sorry for a couple of my friends. After working hard for the last six months, scrimping and saving, they have gone on a fabulous holiday to Kos in order to soak up some rays. Their reason for going was:

"We want some sun, Raj. We want a week lying on the beach, relaxing and getting some serious tanning action."

So, why do I feel sorry for them? Just look around, regular reader - they didn't need to go to Kos to get their tan. They could have saved all that money and stayed at home to tan just as much! Still, the change of scene will do them good.

As you can imagine, it has been a little warm here in the workshop. In fact, I would so far as to say that it has been sweltering all day, every day, not helped by the fact that we've been extremely busy. Many of the jobs have revolved around cars overheating, naturally, which could in many cases be avoided if the owners had taken advantage of our free cooling system check.

In fact, one of our customers is a long distance lorry driver and recently got stuck on a jam on the A1. Over the course of five miles (which took some two hours!) he counted 22 cars on the side of the road, broken down due to overheating. Must have been a busy day for the recovery services (if they could get through the jams that is!)
.
The most awkward job of the week was also caused by overheating. Mr Connelly (name changed to protect his innocence) had brought his 2.8-litre TDI Mitsubishi Pajero in for a full service and free MoT. Everything was going very well, until we discovered a large water loss somewhere in the system. Naturally, the most obvious thing to cause the loss was a split hose somewhere, but one couldn't be found no matter how hard I looked. There was no external leakage visible at all, so the next thing to do was a cylinder head check.

I was sorry to report that the cylinder head check came back positive, something was amiss in the bowels of the engine. The presence of hydrocarbons in the system coolant indicated it was the head gasket. A quick check on prices yielded some staggering results, so Mr Connelly decided to take the Pajero away and hope for the best, against our advice may I add.

Fast forward to the start of last week. Mr Connelly was on his way to Birmingham Airport, and the engine overheated, big style. Steam was going everywhere, the engine started to grind and the Pajero spluttered to a halt on the hard shoulder. It sounded pretty terminal, and once we'd brought the Pajero back, we confirmed that the head gasket had indeed expired.

Of course, with most cars, it is an expensive repair although not completely terminal. The Pajero however was a different story. Basically a Japanese specification Shogun, the Pajero had ceramics in the combustion chamber and on the cylinder head. To cut a long story short, this basically meant that we could not skim the head (which we later found out was unusable anyway due to more warp than the USS Enterprise) so we would have to source a new unit.

And, guess what? Only Mitsubishi make cylinder heads for the Pajero, so you can imagine what the parts prices were like! When I told Mr Connelly, all I got was silence from the other end of the line before a very faint:

"Well, I suppose that you had better get it fixed up then Raj. I love that Pajero..."

It took a week for Mitsubishi to supply the new head (it arrived yesterday) as they had to import it direct from Japan! Once it had arrived, it was a relatively simple job to install it, rebuild the engine and get it all tested. Simple? Well as simple as an engine rebuild on a Japanese giant ever gets anyway! What pushed the final costs up yet further was the fact we had to pay a surcharge on the old head when we returned it to Mitsubishi since it was so badly damaged due to the head gasket not being replaced when recommended.

This problem could have been avoided had Mr Connelly taken our original advice to get the head gasket replaced. But he didn't, a fact that I am sure he's now regretting. Granted, it wouldn't have been cheap but it wouldn't have thinned his wallet quite as much as the rebuild we've just had to do!

I'm expecting a few more jobs like this to come in over the next week or so, if this heatwave continues that is. If you want to check the status of your head gasket, then there are tests that we can do to get an idea of how well it is protecting the engine. Just give us a call and ask!

Well regular reader, that is it for another week. I'm off to try and get some respite from the heat before re-entering the oven that is the workshop to chargrill some more! I hear that Dr Kev is still tangled up in his wiring jobs, the last time I spoke to him he was rewiring a Citroen Saxo who's owner had melted the wiring loom by installing the biggest sound system since Glastonbury...
Until the next time,

Dr Raj.

Kam’s Column - 08/07/03

2003-07-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

Hello Again!

I don't know whether you have seen the news about the two conjoined Iranian girls who are undergoing separation surgery. I've been following the story with great interest - not that I'm any good with blood and gore, but I am totally fascinated by the complex medical procedure. Joined at the skull, although sharing two distinct brains, the girls have lived as a pair for 29 years.
How will they cope apart, I wonder, if the surgery goes successfully that is?

Modern medicine is full of miracles, I hope that this is one of them...

If you've been down to any of our workshops in the past few weeks, you'll know that we have been extremely busy, especially here in Heanor. Some days I've felt like I should have a spanner in each hand and a screwdriver clamped between my teeth just to get through all of the jobs! Not that I'm complaining, as you know regular reader, none of us at Kam are lay-about types and if we wanted a quiet life we'd move elsewhere. But I've never seen demand like it in all my years on the workshop floor!

I'm putting the blame squarely at the door of our free MoT offer (available with every major service) and the increasing popularity of the Stunner tyres. It seems that pretty much every motorist in this area has their MoT coming up around this time, so wants a full service as well! And while they are at it, they decide to try out a set of these fabulous Stunners too. I don't know, sometimes you can feel too popular...

Take Mrs King for example (name changed to protect her innocence). She brought her Austin Maxi into the workshop for its yearly inspection and service.

"It isn't quite right, Dr Kev," she said when she dropped 'Doris' off. "I've been having trouble seeing at night and she doesn't feel quite as responsive as she used to. The steering is... slacker if you understand what I mean."

"I think I do Mrs King, leave Doris here and we'll get her back up to speed for you."

Now, there are things that we regularly fail cars on in their MoTs. Steering, lights, brakes, suspension and wiper blades are the most common culprits and, on a quick test drive, it looked as though 'Doris' had pretty much all of these factors working against her! The steering was pulling hard left, the suspension was wallowing like a hippo and the brakes were so soft they could have been a fluffy kitten for all the good that they did. Back at the depot, and considerably paler, I teased Doris onto the ramp and sent her up into the air.

Incredibly, she didn't need any structural welding or reinforcing as so many cars of this age do, so it looked like all we'd have to fix were the things I've already mentioned. I gave Mrs King a call to tell her the news.

"Oh, that's quite a lot of work isn't Kev? Do you know how much it is going to cost?"

"Not at the moment Mrs King - I'm about to do a price check now for you. We will need to replace both the front shocks I'm afraid as yours will never get through the ticket. The steering box will either have to be stripped or replaced as well - it as simply worn with age. I'm going to have a word with one of our specialist supplier now for you, see what I can do."

As it turned out, the supplier we use for all of the vintage cars that come in had precisely what we need and at a really good price. Once I'd got the go-ahead from Mrs King, the bits arrived later that afternoon and it was time to get down to the dirty to prise off the nuts that hold the shock absorbers to the bodywork.

It took most of my body weight, a thump from a hammer and a blast from one of the torches to free up the first nut. I don't know who (or what) put it on, but it may as well have been welded to the bodywork! Thankfully, the steering box was easier to replace and I only lost the skin on one knuckle doing it.

With these task accomplished, it was time to look at the brakes, which had far too much play in the mechanism. Thankfully all that was needed was to get the mechanism tightened up a bit - the rest of it was in good condition.
As you well know, lights are an important part of the MoT inspection - and it was obvious that Doris' were going to fail - one pointed straight down and the other straight up! On all cars the alignment gradually goes out of sync over the year, and this being an older car it had just happened a little more noticeably!

With all of that accomplished, it was time to put 'Doris' in for her test - which I'm delighted to say she flew through with only an advisory on the rear tyres (which Mrs King has arranged to be changed to a set of Stunners on Friday)! A good job well done. Of course, most of the things like brakes and lights were done under the major service plan, so we didn't really have to do that much extra to give 'Doris' her ticket.

Even if your MoT isn't looming, we can give your car a check for the most common MoT failure items, for free as well! If you aren't sure about how well your car is stopping or are concerned about your suspension, bring it down and we'll give you a full report on what needs doing or not, as the case may be.

Well, that's it for another week regular readers. I can't sit here enjoying myself any longer; there are cars to attend to!
Until the next time,

Dr Kev.

PS While writing this column, I have been told that both of the conjoined twins have died during surgery. My heartfelt condolences go out to their families, friends and the medical team.

Kam’s Column - 23/06/03

2003-06-23T09:26:00.000-07:00

Hello Again!

It's Dr Raj with you again this week, taking you through the topical tales of technical triumph. Try saying that with your welding mask on!

I heard a great story recently, which I can assure you is 100% true. A friend of a friend of a friend is getting married in a few months time and had everything arranged, wedding, reception, honeymoon, the whole lot. Then he gets a phone call from the hotel where he is due to hold the reception.

"We've got a problem, will you move your reception?" Unsurprisingly, the young man concerned said 'No', especially as he had relatives flying in from around the planet and this was too short notice to change all the arrangements.

Half an hour later, the hotel is on the phone again. "If we pay for your reception and the costs you'll incur by moving venue, will you move?" Again, 'No'.

"Hmm. If we paid the penalty on all the flights that you'll have to rearrange and paid for the reception, will you move?" Another negative.

"What about if we threw in the cost of your wedding as well?"

"No."

"And the cost of your honeymoon?"

"No." Something odd was obviously going on, but the young man couldn't do all the rearranging at this short notice.

"OK. Are you buying a house?" (Regular reader, I promise that I'm not making this up)

"Yes."

"OK. What if we paid for your reception, your wedding, your honeymoon, all the penalties on your relative's flights and your house, will you move your reception?"

By this point, the young man had decided that enough was enough, so agreed. The next day, a cheque for the full amount (which I won't disclose) arrived in the post. Sign by a firm of solicitors. On behalf of a famous footballer who wanted the hotel for his son's birthday. I won't say exactly which football player, but suffice to say his son might be celebrating his next birthday somewhat closer to the Mediterranean, and has recently been playing with Daddy's present from the Queen... It's true, I promise you, hand on heart. Some people have all the luck!

Anyway, on with this week's tale! Mr Ochs (name changed to protect his innocence) brought his Honda CRX into the workshop, complaining that the ride was:

"Somewhat soft, Raj. Going around corners feels like I'm driving across treacle. It just isn't as firm as I remember it. OK, I know I've been driving the works Omega for a week, but my little baby just isn't right."
"No problem, Mr Ochs," I said. "Take one of the courtesy cars, and I'll personally get onto this right away for you."

Well, regular reader, I have to say that this was one of the easiest fixes I have ever been asked to undertake - but also one of the most potentially lethal. Mr Ochs' front shock absorbers had both given up the ghost completely. In fact, I didn't even need to get the car up on the ramps for the diagnosis - not only could I clearly see where they were leaking badly, but when I gently pushed down on the front wing, the whole car rocked up and down for a minute of so before coming back to rest! I suffer from sea-sickness, so I'm glad I found this out before taking it for a test drive!

Shock absorbers are one of the most vital parts of your car, second only to tyres and brakes in safety terms. Work shock absorbers not only make the ride far too soft, but can increase your braking distance dramatically. For instance, from just 30mph, your stopping distance is increased by something like 2-metres! That's enough to be lethal especially in built up areas...

After letting Mr Ochs know what the situation was, I replaced the shocks with brand new manufacturer specification items (at a fraction of the cost of Honda-manufactured parts!) and released the car back to him after taking the CRX on a lengthy test drive to check that everything was perfect. As a real enthusiast, Mr Ochs had kept the CRX in perfect condition, and, with the new shock absorbers on the front, it drove just like new.

We're seeing more and more spent shocks, where seven or eight-year-old cars are still running the original items. It is, quite frankly, shocking, especially as we offer a free shock absorber inspection to make sure that yours are in peak condition... Plus, as I've already mentioned, it can be lethal if you can't stop quickly enough.

I'll leave you with that thought for the week - if you're got any doubts, bring your car to Kam and we'll check it all out for you!
Until the next time,

Dr Raj

Kam’s Column - 17/06/03

2003-06-17T09:22:00.000-07:00

Hello Again!

It has been a funny old week. First of all we've got the continuing Beckham will-he-won't-he situation. Is he staying? Is he going? Does he even want to go at all? You'd think that with all the good he has done for football that he'd be treated a little better than this. Even the Queen wants to reward him - and that's saying something as I can't imagine Her Majesty singing footy chants on the terraces or even on the royal sofas.

Talking of the Queen, her birthday honours list was published recently - and she is the only person that I can think of who gives things away on her birthday. Then again, what can you give a woman who has everything? Antibiotics?

And then there has been this extremely hot weather. Sultry in fact - and not made any better by Mr Higgins' Austin Maxi which, bless it, needed the floors and sills doing for MoT. Shaun drew the short straw and was welding in temperatures approximating the surface of Mars. However, all was not lost as we had a fleet of vans in the workshop, to which we were fitting our insurance approved immobilisers

I can imagine the looks of puzzlement on your faces now - how could a fleet of vans have helped? Well, these vans belonged to a local food transport company and were refrigerated vehicles! With the permission of the owner, the lads took five minutes every so often in the back to escape the exhausting heat!

This week's tale of woe concerns a long-time friend of mine, Mr Adrian Booth (name changed to protect his stupidity - I'm allowed to say that, we've known each other for years!) and his Peugeot 406 HDI. Now, a few weeks ago, I was best man at Adrian's wedding and ever since he'd been on honeymoon. Rather than going to the sun, he'd headed to Iceland to see the incredible landscape. You can imagine what a shock this current heat wave was to him when he returned!

Anyway, before he left, he had booked the car in to have the air-con regassed but when it arrived at our Heanor depot yesterday morning, I could tell something was badly wrong. Adrian was nearly in tears.
"What ever's the matter?" I asked.

"Look Kev," Adrian held up his left hand. There was a mark around his ring finger where his ring should be - but no ring! Surely marital bliss couldn't have ended so soon? "My hands got so hot this morning as I drove here that I had to take my ring off. I put it on the dashboard, then a lorry pulled out, Kev." He paused for a sniffle. "I hit the brakes, and the ring slide down into my air vents! I can't find it!"

"Don't worry Adrian, we'll find it." That's what good mates are for, stepping into the breach when things go wrong. "Take a courtesy car, and let me get on with this. I'll call you when I've located it."

I knew that it would be one of the jobs that was going to take quite a while, so I looked around the workshop for a willing volunteer. Andy was swamped with MoTs, Elliot was fitting Stunners to the large queue of vehicles parked outside the workshop and Shaun was still repairing the Maxi. Looked like a job for yours truly then... Wonderful.

The first thing obviously was to have a good look all around the air vents, the foot wells and all the nooks and crannies around the dash, just in case the ring had miraculously reappeared. Sadly, it wasn't going to be that easy. So out came the heater motor and the vent assemblies. No ring, not even in the connecting pipework. I then had to uninstall the sound system I'd got for Adrian's wedding present to get to the back of the console so that could come out. Still nothing. All I wanted was a little glimmer in the dark to give me some clue.

By the time I'd finished, there was virtually no dashboard left. Pipes were hung over the steering wheel to keep them out of the way, miles of wiring was neatly bundled up in each foot well and I'd lost about four stone in perspiration, even though I'd been taking regular breaks in the fridges! And still no ring. I couldn't phone Adrian and tell him that I hadn't found it, I couldn't do that to a friend. I had even dropped bent nails attached to string through the remaining vents to try and hook the ring back up.

So I decided to leave it until morning, perhaps sleep-rested eyes would be able to spot it. I knew that it would be perfectly safe, as all of our vehicles are stored inside secured premises over night.

Standing wearily in the office, I was enjoying a final cuppa of the afternoon, when one of our young apprentices came in.

"Kev, I was just moving that 406 back a bit for the night and I found this." He held out his open hand - with Adrian's ring on it! "It was just sitting on the steering column, so I thought I'd bring it in to store with the rest of the found valuables."

I almost couldn't speak! The ring must have been wedged in a pipe and slipped out unnoticed when I put the pipe over the steering wheel! As you can imagine, Adrian was overjoyed when I gave him the good news, and all marital harmony is now restored apparently!

It just goes to show how something so simple can cause so many problems - and should be a lesson to you all not to put small valuables near air vents or other small entrances into a car's internals!

I'm going to try and cool off a bit. Until next week, please don't send me any more lost wedding rings!

Dr Kev Allen.

Kam’s Column - 27/05/03

2003-05-27T09:21:00.000-07:00

Hello Again!

I know that certain places in the world have different seasons for violent natural events. You’ve got typhoon season (not Typhoo…), monsoon season, even bush fire season. But is there an earthquake season? And if there is, it surely must be worldwide. There’s a whole lot of shaking going on globally - Japan has just been hit, Turkey shook not so long back – I wonder where the next event will be? The pictures on the news are truly horrible and my heart goes out to all of those involved. I hope that lessons in safe building can be properly learnt, so that the next time this happens, the casualty toll won’t be so high.

Talking of shaking, rattling and things rolling about, there is something that I feel that I must tell you regular reader. I may have alluded to it once or twice in the years of writing this column, but I don’t believe that I have ever said it outright. Of course, half of the problem is the Internet and the ease of accessing information. It’s just to easy to buy things, learn things and find out more stuff about one of the greatest musicians who ever lived. As I feel that I’ve known you forever, I think it is only right that I square up – I am the world’s biggest Elvis fan. Ever. I could challenge anyone to find a fact that I don’t know about the King, or a song I haven’t heard. There, I’ve said it; I don’t have to worry about it no more.

As usual, we were working right over the Bank Holiday weekend, albeit with a skeleton staff. And we’ve been absolutely swamped with jobs, ranging from fitting new sets of tyres (I think we must be the busiest Stunner sellers in the country, judging by how many are flying off the shelves each day!) to the usual round of tricky problems. The good news is that it looks like we’re coming to the end of our timing belt run, I’ve only got eight on the books so far this week…

Our first awkward car arrived bright and early Tuesday morning. We’d recently seen Mr Frank Young (a real name for a change this week!) when he brought his daughter’s car into the workshop for its annual service, but this time he had come in with his pride and joy, an Alfa 156 Twin Spark in a lovely shade that I can only describe as a little bit of green.

“I’ve got a problem with the brakes, Kev”, he said, leaning on the reception counter. “I replaced the front discs and pads last week, and did it really carefully, but it just isn’t right. I’ve checked everything twice over and can’t find the problem. Can you get it sorted?”

“No worries, Mr Young,” I replied. “I’ll give you a call as soon as we’ve identified what has gone wrong.”

A brief roadtest confirmed that the front brakes weren’t, well, braking. I returned to the workshop a minute later but a year older, thankful that I’d only gone down the road at 10mph. What’s more, the whole car was dragging to the left every time I touched the brake pedal. Definitely t-r-o-u-b-l-e.

Up on the ramps, I whipped the alloys off and had a good look at the system. Everything seemed in order, the callipers were in good condition, the pistons moved freely and the alignment of the discs was spot on. Not anything glaringly obvious then.

Naturally, the next thing I had to do was check the specifications on our superb computer system, to ensure that Mr Young had used the correct parts. And herein lay the problem. I had noted that the discs weren’t of the same high quality that we would have installed had we done the job, but I hadn’t spotted something else. Our computer system gave me the correct widths of the discs – and when I got the measuring gear out, it all became obvious. The front left disc was three millimetres wider than the right – just a little bit but enough to cause the disc to catch on the pad and tug at the wheel when it got warm.

After a bit of shoppin’ around, I located some high quality replacement parts, which I installed after checking with Mr Young. A lengthy roadtest later and a session on the brake rollers back in the workshop confirmed that the brakes were now in tip-top condition. It’s easy when you know how…

When Mr Young picked the Alfa up, he took the chance to book in his wife’s car for a full service and (free) MoT – and while he did, one of his neighbours came in as well! Far from being a small world, this sort of thing is pretty common as most of our work comes either from recommendation or customers’ family connections. So it’s not unusual for the reception area to look more like a family reunion than the entrance to a workshop!

I’ll be back next week regular readers, so until then, I got a lot o’ working to do!

Dr Kev Allen

Kam’s Column - 20/05/03

2003-05-20T09:20:00.000-07:00

Hello Again!

I had a great day on Saturday. Having arranged time off from the workshop, I was able to go and see my lad – Josh – play in a charity football match. How much better can a father’s Saturday get? As you’d expect, Josh played a blinder, excelling even what I thought he was capable of. Fantastic.

After the game, it was time for some father-son bonding, so off to Skeggy beach we went. By the time we got there, the clouds had arrived and so had the rains. Typical! No beach footy for us then… And of course, the afternoon was completed by watching the FA Cup Final – now that is what I call a perfect Saturday!

There’s much excitement throughout Kam at the moment, as we’re in the process of building a brand new website. It’s all a little hush-hush – in fact I’ll probably take a rapping for letting the feline this far out of the bag – but I just had to tell someone. More details will arrive as soon as I’m allowed to spill the beans, so for the moment, keep it just between you and I, OK?

All restful weekends must come to an end, and as usual, this one did on Monday morning. Mr Sawston (name changed to protect his innocence) had left his D-reg Land Rover with us for some minor remedial work to the rear lights, as well as having an electric towbar hook-up installed. A fairly straight-forward job, I thought, so budgeted about two to three hours from start to finish.

Six and a half hours later, I was still at it. Within twenty minutes of starting the job, it had become apparent that the situation was really rather critical. You see, Mr Sawston had noticed that the rear lights were flickering on and off as he drove along, so assumed that he had a loose wire somewhere in the system. This assumption was deemed to be largely correct by all and sundry – including myself – until the moment that I undid the first screw holding the rear light cluster in. As I delicately rotated the screw in its hole, a quantity of rust flakes spewed forth (and fifth, and sixth for that matter – they just kept on coming) as did a small amount of water that had obviously been sitting somewhere inside the bodywork. As you can imagine, my heart sank.

Once the cluster cover was removed, the state of things became apparent. Water had obviously made its way through the outer casing and had sat on top of the wires, causing them to decay. As I looked at some of them, they crumbled into dust and swirled off in the gust that emanated from Glynn’s latest 'walk-past', during which he uttered something particularly useful.

“That looks nasty. It’ll be quite a job.” Thanks Glynn – spot on as always…
Obviously I had to call Mr Sawston to appraise him of the situation.

“To be honest,” I said, trying to put a brave face on things, “it is all repairable. But I don’t quite know how long it is going to take. The wires might only need tracing back a little way, or perhaps I’m going to have to go all the way to the fuse box to put things right. At the moment I just can’t tell, and so can’t really tell you how long it is going to take.”

“Oh” was the best Mr Sawston could manage. “What caused all this to go wrong?”

“Probably just age, Mr Sawston. A crack in the light casing would be all that was needed to let water in. It’s amazing how much water can get in through a tiny gap – especially in the recent rains.”

“Well, Kev, I really want you to get the car back to perfect condition. I’ve had it since new and it is probably the best Landy I’ve ever owned. You’ve really got no idea how long it might take?”

I thought hard, but couldn’t come up with a time figure as I really didn’t know the extent of the damage. “I could give you an estimate, but it would only be very rough. Somewhere around eight hours possibly, maybe more, maybe less. What I can do for you Mr Sawston, to help you out, is to chop our labour rate in half for the job.”

“That would be great Kev, thank you, I really appreciate that.”

So it was back to work, tracing the wires back through the body work to find a portion that wasn’t corroded so that I could patch new lengths in. If you’ve ever had to track wires back through a Land Rover, you’ll know that it isn’t the easiest job in the world – but eventually I had everything in perfect order (a predictable end to the tale, I hear you cry). Ironically, it was actually easier to install the towbar hook-up while I was rewiring the rest of the lighting system than it would have been to just attach it to the original wiring loom. So there is a silver lining on every cloud…

So far this week, I’ve already had another three broken timing belts arrive in the workshop, all of which required extensive rebuilds. Will motorists ever learn, I wonder (not you, regular reader, I know that you know how important it is to have your belt replaced…)? It has also been a good week for Stunner tyres – a set of which we fitted to Mr Sawston’s Land Rover a year ago incidentally. So while the 4x4 was having all the wiring work done, I checked the tyres – and even on this 4x4 they are still going strong after a year. From sports cars to 4x4s and all points in between, I’m still being amazed just how durable Stunners are…

That’s the end of another tale for this week. Until the next time, look after the car that carries you!

Dr Kev Allen

Kam’s Column - 13/05/03

2003-05-13T09:20:00.000-07:00

Hello again!

Have you seen the latest Tory proposals for University education? Watching the news this morning nearly had me choking on my Weetabix. Iain Duncan-Smith has come up with the laudable idea of scrapping university tuition fees (great, I think, as I’d like my kids to choose that path). So far so good. But, there is a bombshell – the number of university places would be reduced!

How this is meant to be for the good of society I will never know – are they going to only take the top percentage of school leavers, and leave the rest - who want to learn – without the chance? Or are they going to means test it? Or worse, will they introduce a quota system so that they have a certain percentage from each ethnic group or socio-economic class? Even better, let’s just go back to a Victorian system and only allow the upper classes university education to keep the class system nicely separate. I tell you, regular reader, IDS really gets my goat…

I don’t even want to think about the other story that seems to have had most media coverage over the past week. I’m sure you spotted the story about the climber who had to amputate one hand to free himself from an American mountain side. To tell you the truth, I shudder to even think about it. Combine this with the latest Tory schemes and it’s a wonder that I could even face my Weetabix!

This week’s tale of automotive antics concerns Mr Stavley’s Peugeot 306 Tdi (Mr Stavley’s name has, naturally, been altered to protect his innocence). He bought the car from a local private sale and, within a few days, had lent it to his brother in law, Jerry, while his car was in another garage for repair (this other garage didn’t provide courtesy cars, unlike yours truly).

Apparently, all was hunky dory for a few miles, and then the Tdi overheated – badly. Water boiled up through the radiator, sent steam pouring out of the bonnet and into the cabin and forced Jerry to come to a halt on the side of a deserted B-road at about 11pm. Not what you want when you’re already late for a surprise 40th birthday celebration – especially when it is your own (of course he didn’t know anything about it, hence the surprise)!
First thing yesterday morning, Mr Stavley was on the phone.

“Kev, it’s got to be head gasket, hasn’t it? I mean, you can’t get a diesel to over heat that badly without it being head gasket, can you?” I could hear the panic.

“Well, Mr Stavley, I’m not going to lie to you. It could be the gasket – but that is only a worst case scenario. Let us have a look at the car for you and we will soon know what the situation is.”

Once the car was in the workshop, the first job was obviously to perform a head gasket check – which we do by looking for the presence of hydrocarbons in the cooling system. But there was a problem – the water in the radiator was the colour of the deepest darkest mud from the top of the Congo. I have never, ever, seen water this colour in a car – and in fact you could even see brown sludge where the radiator had boiled over and gushed down the engine bay. Nice.

In theory, it should have been easy enough to get this water out and refill it with nice fresh water. But no – there evidently was a blockage somewhere and every time we put new water in, it would turn brown in seconds. The only thing to do was to attach the ‘in’ side of the radiator to a flowing fresh water source, and allow the system to vent lower down and leave the car running until all the sludge was gone.

Before we could do this however, we had to work out why the fan wasn’t coming on. I left Shaun with the fiddly job of checking all the wiring and he very quickly discovered that there was no feed going into the fan motor. Once that was fixed, it was time to hook the car up and let it run.

It took two hours, regular reader, to have the water in the cooling system running clear. Two whole hours – in which time my lovely forecourt became covered with brown, rusty and horrible water. But eventually it did run clear, so it was time to perform the head gasket check.

I’m delighted to report that the gasket showed no signs of leaking – the system looked to be in perfect condition. And, at the end of a lengthy road test, the 306 remained cool, calm and collected.

The problem was caused by a complete neglect of the cooling system, which after the timing belt is probably the most important part of the engine. At Kam, we flush cooling systems on every service (if necessary) to ensure that this situation never occurs with any of our cars – especially as it can cause head gaskets to go and a lot of money to be lost…
Until next week, steer clear of murky waters by asking us to check your cooling system for you!

Dr Kev.

Kam’s Column - 06/05/03

2003-05-06T09:19:00.000-07:00

Hello Again!

All of my neighbours have been celebrating in the past few days, delighted that Forest have made the play-offs. As the friendly rivals to my favourites - Derby if you need to ask! - I do wish them all the best and that they may go through to great things... But I still wish it was my team though!

And of course, there was great jubilation that Manchester United won the Championship on a technicality - the technicality that they were simply better than anyone else! Apparently Mandy couldn't get any sense out of me for a while after the win - I can't imagine why that would be. It isn't as though I'm madly passionate about the beautiful game or anything, is it? While I'm on the subject of the Manchester boys, what about all of these rumours surrounding Becks? Is he staying? Is he heading to sunnier climes? Will his next child be called Costa or Valencia? I don't know about the rest of it, and I'm not a betting man, but I am quietly confident that Becks will be heading to Spain. Let's wait and see what the next few months bring.

The first job of the Bank Holiday weekend (which we worked through, as always) was actually to fix our own recovery truck! We've been so busy recently that we hadn't had time to inspect the seals around the rams that power the lift. Typically, on Monday morning, the seals all failed and the ram stopped working! Once we had stripped everything down, rebuilt the rams and replaced all of the seals, it was all perfect. Which was handy as, just half an hour after finishing the work, the phone rang (not that the phone itself has anything to do with the job, it's just a bit part in the main story... Bear with me and all will be revealed.).

"Kev, it's John Dawson - again!" The voice on the line did indeed belong to one of our regular visitors, John Dawson (name changed to protect his innocence). He had been in and out of the workshop over the last three months with his three year old Astra which had a particularly annoying habit of cutting out intermittently. Of course, each time the car had crossed the workshop threshold, it performed perfectly and we couldn't find any fault. Just in case you are wondering, we hadn't charged for any of these visits, since we couldn't find any faults and don't believe in charging money for not fixing anything. The local Vauxhall garage had also had the car in, and the story was the same - no fault could be found.

"The car's stopped again Kev, and this time it really won't start. Can you come and pick it up?" So off went the freshly repaired recovery truck with a courtesy car loaded up and ready for action.

Once the Astra was back in our workshop, I set Scott on the task of diagnosing the problems as he was the only guy who hadn't worked on it before! Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes can do wonders. The first task was to hook it up to our fantastic diagnostic system that I had 'borrowed' from Heanor while they were having a brew earlier that morning.

You'll never guess what happened. Once Scott had all of the leads in place, he turned the ignition on to try and locate the problem, and the car started! However, within ten seconds, something very good happened - it cut out again and refused to restart! At least this time we had a problem that we could see and actually start to diagnose.

It didn't take long for Scott to check all of the main things. The battery feed was fine, the distributor was working perfectly, current was getting in and out of the ignition coil. It was all a bit of a mystery.
Leaning on the side of the car, Scott was outlining the current situation to me, when he stopped in mid sentence.

"Kev, this car's had a front end shunt at sometime."

"Has it?" I looked closely, but couldn't see anything on the exterior that would indicate previous damage.

"Yes, look here. Well, feel here." Scott put my hand under the engine bay lip. "Feel the slight buckle there? It has been well repaired, but it obviously has been damaged."

"So, how does this help?"

"Because one of the ignition wires runs right over the repaired section - and I'll bet you that the rough edges have worn the lead back to the metal and so the car keeps earthing through the body!"

Well, what do you know - he was bang on. You couldn't see the problem unless you looked for it in exactly the right spot, but it was there all right! With the offending piece of wire replaced, and a new module installed in the ignition itself (the old one had blown) the car started perfectly first time!
While the car was in the workshop, I took the chance to check on the Stunner tyres that we fitted two years ago. After 36,000 miles they are still perfect! Mr Dawson also told me how happy he is with them when he picked the car up.

"Wet or dry, Kev, I couldn't ask for better!"

I'm going to leave you with (another) cautionary note about timing belts. Looking at the books for today (Tuesday) alone, I've got six in the workshop - one of which came in on the back of a recovery lorry. When did you last check yours? And if you can't remember, bring it in and we will do it for you!
Until next week,

Dr Kev Allen.

Kam’s Column - 29/04/03

2003-04-29T12:09:00.000-07:00

Hello Again!

It has been a mixed bag of news in the past few days. I don’t think that I alluded to the death of that wonderful singer Nina Simone in last week’s column. With a lifetime of musical achievement behind her, Nina will surely remain on of the greatest singers – male or female – of all time. And you know what they say about legends – they never truly die so long as their back catalogue is still available from EMI…

Then we’re got the SARS virus doing the rounds of the world. I was thinking about the naming of the illness the other day, and concluded that they had to include Serious as well as Acute (two very similar things) as if you take the Serious out, you get an acronym that is surely to be more ridiculed than feared… Well, almost!

Still, it is good news on the football front, with Man U having sewn things up nicely. Flicking through the channels at the weekend yielded some good games, nothing truly great, but at least the standards are still high. And what about all of these rumours about Becks going to Real? Now that his gaunt other half has dropped a few choice comments to the media, the hacks are doing their collective fruits in an effort to be the first with the tale. We’ll wait and see.

And then we’ve got that audacious art theft in Manchester that saw three paintings vanish without trace, only to be discovered around the back of a public convenience. It might not have been ‘The Thomas Crown Affair’ but it still has the police perplexed.

Anyway, on with this week’s tale which involves a haemorrhaging Vauxhall Omega belonging to Mr Cassidy (name changed to protect his innocence) – a long term pal of my father.

The 3.0-litre V6 monster was dripping oil at quite an alarming rate when Mr Cassidy brought it into the workshop. One look at the state of the engine bay revealed just how bad the situation was – oil covered everything! So, the first thing to do was to give it a good steam clean and then a test run; that way we could see where the oil was coming from as it dripped down the clean engine bay.

Once the cleaned Omega had been left on idle for a few moments, the oil leak become obvious – the rocker cover seals were definitely perished. So, off came the covers and on went new seals. This should have cleared the problem up, but when the engine was restarted, another oil leak appeared – this time from the sump gasket.

It’s a lovely job changing the sump gasket as you have to empty all of the engine oil, while trying not to drop the sump nut into the vat of brown sludge that is collecting in the can. But it was accomplished with worrying ease, and on went the engine again.

Looking at the car from underneath, I breathed a sigh of relief. No oil spurts, squirts or drips – job done! But, when I popped my head over the radiator to check out the inside, there was a thin stream of black oil trickling tantalisingly down the side of the engine bay. The breather pipes were now leaking! If it wasn’t one thing then it was another with this car! By now, I was praying that this would be the last leak I would find – if the car still dripped then the only choices left would be crankshaft seal or head gasket – neither of which any of us wanted to think about on a car of this size! Believe me, you really don’t want to have to remove an Omega’s gearbox to do the crankshaft seals unless you can possibly avoid it!

This is one of the reasons that I hate having to tackle oil leaks. Basically, as I replaced old, worn out parts with new, the system pressure increased to what it should have been. This then put strain on the other old, worn out gaskets and pipes, which in turn split, leaked or oozed as the oil found weak points. Still, it all makes sense, when you think about it. And the good news was that once the breather pipes had been replaced, the engine stopped dripping (which is a good thing as the constant drip-drip-drip was beginning to sound like some form of torture!). Just to make sure, Shaun took it for one of his extended test drives (using our own petrol of course!) and it still didn’t leak! Victory was indeed mine!

While I was ferreting about looking for the sources of the leaks, I took the chance to inspect Mr Cassidy’s timing belt – which was in a pretty poor state of repair I have to say. After checking with him, the belt, rollers, bearings and tensioners were all replaced to ensure that he didn’t suffer any head-aches of the V6 kind…

Naturally, once all of this work was completed, the Omega went like a rocket. Mr Cassidy, delighted that his pride and joy was once more returned to A1 condition, grinned like a schoolboy when he came to pick it up, pumping my hand enthusiastically in thanks. That’s why I love this job so much – the looks on people’s faces when it all goes right.

That’s it for another week. Hopefully I won’t get any more oil leaks to fix, I’ve had quite enough of them with just this one!

Dr Kev Allen

Kam’s Column - 22/04/03

2003-04-22T12:08:00.000-07:00

Hello again!

(Cover your eyes all other die-hard Derby devotees) I'm really looking forward to seeing the forthcoming match between Man U and Real Madrid almost more than I am anticipating the next Derby game, so much so in fact that I'm marking off the calendar at home as the days roll down! With the title challenge fast approaching, it will be good to see how Man U's prospects are shaping up. Even the kids are getting excited, swept along no doubt by my bounding enthusiasm! Derby may still be saved from league relegation and our friendly neighbours Forest are still going strong. So, as you can imagine, it's been an exciting week!

It has been no less emotionally taxing in the workshops. Not only have we been up to our eyeballs with jobs (the most popular of which have been our free MoTs with every major service), but we've had the inevitable league of electrical problems as well. Foremost of these was Mr Foster's four year old imported and modified BMW 530.

"Kev, my BMW won't start! I've tried to jump start it, but to no avail! Can you come down and have a look at it for me?" Mr Foster (name changed to protect his innocence) was sounding really dejected on the other end of the phone.

Quicker than quick, our Kam Rescue Team arrived at Mr Foster's house to retrieve the stricken BMW, taking a courtesy car along for him as well. While we were at the scene, Mr Foster showed us what he had tried to jump the BMW's flat battery with - his neighbour's boost pack. Shaun and I exchanged concerned looks...

Once back in the workshop, we hooked the BMW up to our superb diagnostic computer and our fears were confirmed. Because the boost pack wasn't supplying the correct power to the battery, a surge had, well, surged into the system and damaged the ECU. No wonder the car wouldn't start! The obvious thing was to remove the ECU and send it away for testing.

Fortunately, our electrical experts aren't slouches, and the repaired ECU arrived back in the workshop within a matter of days, along with a report of exactly how extensive the damage was. Once it was hooked back up to the rest of the BMW's wiring, it was time to try the starting.

It should have gone smoothly. But, no. The car still wouldn't fire. With his head under the bonnet, Shaun's voice was a little muffled, but I could just make out the word 'Diesel'. Diesel? This was a petrol model, and just to make sure I wasn't going mad, I checked inside the fuel filler cap. Definitely good old 97 octane petrol.

"What are you saying about diesel, Shaun?"

"Well, put your nose near this injector. Doesn't it smell like diesel?" Shaun was right. This didn't look good (or smell good either for that matter).

So after talking to Mr Foster, we had to remove the injectors and injector rails to see what was going on - and surprise surprise, they were full of diesel. So we flushed the engine and the fuel tank, replaced every single filter and ensured that every drop of diesel was exorcised from the system. While I was finishing off the job, Shaun spotted a receipt on the passenger seat, from the local fuel forecourt. It was a computerised receipt for... yes, you've guessed it, diesel.

Another set of spark plugs later and it was time to try the engine. One the first turn of the key it leapt into life, roaring in only the way that a modified BMW 5-series can! When Mr Foster came to collect it, I took a few minutes to remind him which pumps are which on the forecourt, so that he doesn't make that mistake again! Plus I advised him not to jump start his car again in case he blows another ECU!

As well as all of this, and the servicing jobs, the lads have been kept busy fitting sets of Stunner tyres to all sorts of different cars and carrying out our comprehensive - and free - brake inspections. It's enough to make a chap wish for a holiday - but I love it too much!

Until next week,

Dr Kev Allen.

Kam’s Column - 15/04/03

2003-04-15T12:07:00.000-07:00

Hello again!

It’s Dr Raj here with you for this week – Dr Kev was last seen going out to a Datsun in distress and I haven’t seen him since! In fact I am surprised that I’ve seen him at all, we’ve been that busy.

Of course, this week’s news has been dominated by the end-stage of the war. Well, I hope it is the end stage as it really is time that it all got wrapped up. In the midst of all the battles, bullets and bravado there was one cause for amusement – the Iraqi Information Agency. Apparently, they believed all of the news that their front line generals were sending back to their HQ.

‘Yes Minister, the Americans are being driven back.’ ‘Yes Minister, the Americans are shooting themselves at the gates of our great city.’ I would love to have seen the look on the Information Minister’s face when the coalition forces started to roll through Baghdad and he realised that he’d been duped – a shock of the rudest sort. It was actually a very clever move by the Iraqi generals; had they surrendered they would have been seen as traitors, but by sabotaging the intelligence in this manner, they assisted the coalition forces while still remaining true to their troops. Well, that is my view anyway…

Back to Heanor and this week’s tale of head scratching mechanics. Mr Fowler (name changed to protect his identity) brought his Escort in to the workshop on Monday morning, after having spent the weekend trailing around tuning shops. The problem sounded simple enough – the Escort was running (or should that be stumbling) like an obese three legged Dachshund. I rubbed my hands in glee once I’d put the phone down – something straight forward after a week of pure problem cars.

When the Escort arrived, I could see that it wasn’t going to be that simple. Whereas I had optimistically hoped for a 1996 1.4, Mr Fowler had an RS Turbo. But not just any RS Turbo – oh no. This one sat a full three inches nearer the floor than you’d expect and had been severely modified. He’d done everything possible to make this RS fly, and it was rewarding him with poor running, lethargic acceleration and a frightening array of pops and bangs.

“I had the timing belt done about five weeks ago, Raj” he said, “the car was in for a few more modifications so I thought that it would be a good idea.” At least this wasn’t going to turn into a belt story.

Mr Fowler then went on to list all of the modifications that he had carried out on the car (which took quite some time and a few pages of my notepad), complete with dates and even some costs! Once I’d built up the case history, I dispatched him in one of our fine courtesy cars and rolled my sleeves up in preparation.

Obviously the first thing to do was to hook it up to our superb new diagnostic computer and have a look at the resulting engine data. One problem became immediately apparent – the RS was having difficulties breathing. Plus it looked like it was over fuelling and the timing was slightly out as well!

The air flow was sorted out in a few moments. Basically, the sensor inside the air can had been squashed behind the new high-flow filter that Mr Fowler had put in. he had mentioned the new filter to me, and that the problems seemed to start when he installed it – but they didn’t go away when he put the original filter back in. This was because, while putting the new filter in, he had managed to detach one of the wires that fed into the sensor. Two minutes with a soldering iron and all was hunky dory.

Then onto the over fuelling. The uprated fuel pump was pushing the go-juice through at an astonishing rate – but no more than you would have expected from that particular unit. The injectors were oversized items and appeared to be working fine, letting fuel through in the proscribed amounts for the application. After checking everything I could think of, I was stumped – everything was working perfectly. Time to move onto the timing – and all that required was readjustment and the tightening of a few bolts. Once this was done, the Escort purred as it sat in the workshop; no more pops or bangs.

So, back to the over fuelling and a nice hot tea amazingly provided the answer in a blinding flash. Have you ever noticed that a stationary mug doesn’t seem to steam as much as when you’re walking around with it? Well, the principle is sort of the same with fuel injectors – they behave differently at idle to how they do under high load when you’re moving. Hooking the RS back up to the computer, I gradually increased the revs to a figure well above idle – and the problem was suddenly self evident. Injector number three was being held open for longer than needed – and that was courtesy of a tiny piece of corroded wire connecting it to the ECU not letting the signal through properly! No wonder it was over fuelling and running so poorly!
Once I’d given the car a thorough road test, I called Mr Fowler to say that it was ready. You should have seen the look on his face when he returned from a trip around the block – “She’s not been that sparky in ages Raj – thanks!” He beamed broadly like a kid in the candy store.

It just goes to show that sometimes, a tiny little piece of wire nestling under the air intakes can cause plenty of expensive looking problems that can’t be tuned away!

Until next week, when Dr Kev may have returned from his Datsun rescue,

Dr Raj

Kam’s Column - 01/04/03

2003-04-01T12:03:00.000-08:00

Hello Again!

After last week’s struggle not to mention the war, I’ve given up on that particular battle. Seeing as I have the radio on while I’m working, it was rather difficult to avoid mentions of the escalating conflict – and I’m told that I was going purple at times in efforts not to shout at the presenters… But it has been another week of conflicting reports, and I’ve got the nasty feeling that it is all going to go horribly wrong. The Americans were talking about a quick strike, about the Iraqis welcoming them with open arms, and being home in time for tea. That hasn’t happened, and more reinforcements are going in. I guess we probably need more troops out there – after all, how many have we killed with ‘friendly fire’?

What gets me is how astonished the Americans were that they met resistance outside of Baghdad – surely they can’t have thought that the Iraqis would welcome them with open arms every step of the way?

Regardless of the effects of the UN sanctions on the country (which I do believe even included banning lead pencils), the propaganda of the Hussain Regime will have indoctrinated a large proportion of the population – especially the young ones who have never known anything different. Talking of propaganda, we’re getting fed with it from every side and I don’t trust any of it.

Away from the war, there was another battle being unsuccessfully fought recently. Yes, I’m talking about England’s match against Liechtenstein. What an appallingly lacklustre performance – I can’t believe that these people are paid so highly to produce that. No one was talking to each other or if they were, they weren’t saying anything meaningful (much like Iraq). There was just no value for money in that match. I despair.

Of course, correct communication is vital in any business, but more so than most in our workshops. If we don’t talk to each other, or don’t listen to the answers, then we could essentially be playing with your lives. Does that sound particularly dramatic? I don’t think so, especially when you hear this week’s tale.

Three months ago, Mr Shaw brought his ‘F’ reg Ford Escort into our workshops to get the timing belt done. While it was in, we did a free brake check (as requested) and advised that the rear brake shoes needed replacing, as did the brake fluid (although my memory is good regular reader, it isn’t this good – I confess that I’ve looked all these details up on our computerised records system!). So, you can imagine that I was shocked to get a phone call yesterday morning.

“Kev, it’s Pete Shaw. The brakes have gone on my Escort!” (Mr Shaw’s name has been changed to protect his innocence).

“Don’t drive it anywhere Mr Shaw – I’ll come down personally to pick it up with the rescue team.” I was shocked, to say the least. You know as well as I do that we pride ourselves on the quality of our work and of the parts that we use. Sometimes though, a bad part does get supplied or a tiny degree of human error does creep in (no-one is perfect. Apart from Mandy perhaps.) This looked like our problem, and we were going to fix it.

It transpired that it was in fact the front near-side brake was locking up (so it wasn’t anything that we’d done, regular reader, as the front brakes had been in A1 condition where we fixed the rears – big relief all round) after a few miles driving. I wouldn’t let Shaun take it out for a test drive – I thought that the risk was too great.

When the Escort was up on the ramps, Shaun and I stripped the front brakes down, and were surprised to find that they were almost new. We checked the pad widths, the disc widths, the range of motion on the pistons, the condition of the callipers – in other words everything. The wheels spun freely, and we couldn’t find the problem.

Then, another of the near-legendary ‘Glynn Walkpasts’ occurred. And, as usual, he had the answer.

“This Escort needs vented brake discs – someone has fitted solids to this one!”

So I checked up on our fantastic computer system, and yes, Glynn was right. I think I can see where the mistake occurred though – the part numbers for the vented and solid discs aren’t that different. If whoever fitted them hadn’t listened to what number his colleague was giving him, or had looked too quickly, then it would be easy to pick up the wrong box. The net result of this was that when the brakes become warm, the pad was slipping and jamming the calliper. Time to call Mr Shaw.

“To be honest, Mr Shaw, this is an unacceptable mistake – mainly because it involves the braking system. If I were you, I’d call whoever fitted these discs and demand your money back!”

An hour later, the phone rang – it was the garage in Scotland who had fitted the incorrect parts! Their service manager wanted to apologise and also promised that he would personally refund Mr Shaw his money. I have to say that I did remind him of the seriousness of this situation – just imagine if the brakes had locked in the outside lane of the M1, at night and in the pouring rain…

Once we’d fitted the correct discs and pads, the Escort performed perfectly, and with Mr Shaw’s permission, we gave it an extended test drive just to make doubly sure. Perfect.

We do accept that sometimes, human error can creep in. But just a little proper communication can avoid mistakes as serious as this one. That’s why we’re always talking to each other here at Kam. Sometimes, I despair as I can be told the same piece of information three times – but I’d rather that than missing just one piece of important information (like the correct part number for a vented brake disc on an ‘F’ reg Escort for example…).

Until next week,

Dr Kev Allen

Kam’s Column - 25/03/03

2003-03-25T12:02:00.000-08:00

Hello Again!

As I’m sure that you can all imagine, I wasn’t in the best of spirits after the last Derby game. In case you missed it, our boys came up against the (friendly) local rivals Forest and didn’t do so well. Four-something was the score – I’m not going to go any deeper into it than that. Of course, on one side it’s quite good, as it means at an East Midlands team will be fighting in the Premiership, but it would be better if it was our boys!

I’m certain that you’ve all had weeks like the one I’m currently enjoying(?) here. You know the ones – where every job comes in and is awkward and you spend ages fixing it, only for another to come along within moments of you downing tools. In fact, it’s all rather like decorating. You start with the walls. Then the ceiling looks like it needs a new coat of paint. Then the gloss work starts to look drab. Yes, regular reader, its been one of those weeks – but far from the simplicity of gloss paint. We’ve had pretty much every noise that you can imagine a vehicle making coming into the workshop. And, in true Kam style, these aren’t noises that are evident when the car is purring away to itself in the car park or sitting pretty on the ramps. Mrs Negris’ (name changed to protect her innocence!) Vauxhall Tigra is a case in point.
Now, Mrs Negris is a long standing customer of ours who works as a rep for a local company. As she has to travel all over the country on a regular basis, often at short notice, she needs to know that her car is up to the task. And the news was that the Tigra seemed to be performing nicely, apart from one thing – a clanging noise from underneath. Scott and I took it out for a test drive, and both came back with different opinions.

“It’s the exhaust,” said Scott confidently. “Either part of the pipe has rusted through and its flexing or one of the mountings is loose.”

“I’m sure it’s the suspension,” I countered. “We had the same noise of a Cosworth a few weeks back – and at the same speed too.”

“if it was the suspension then surely once you hit 30mph – where the noise starts – you’d feel a change in the handling. Plus it wouldn’t go away once you’ve got over 40mph.” It was a good parry.

“But if it was a loose bolt, then it could be the vibrations that are only present at those speeds. And of course, it would be regardless of the gear you’d selected at the time.” A foil to Scott’s parry, which went down fairly well I have to say. Not quite game, set, match Kev Allen, but close!
Instead of further discussing the causes of the problem, Scott and I got down to work. The first thing obviously was to check the exhaust and the emissions. Good healthy emissions and a lack of holes looked to disprove Scott’s ideas. So it was on to the suspension.

Annoyingly, that checked out perfectly as well. There were no loose components, the struts were unbent and everything was generally as it was when the Tigra rolled out of the factory.

Then, something that is getting depressingly routine occurred – the ‘Glynn Walk-past’ (see, we’ve even had to name this phenomenon). With his presence announced by the steam from a fresh mug of tea, Glynn sauntered up to the ramp from which the Tigra was displaying its belly.

“You see that Kev?” Glynn pointed to the front pipe. “It’s almost brand new.”

“Yes, I saw that. But it’s fixed perfectly and there aren’t any holes.”

“Ahh,” said Glynn – and rapped a knuckle firmly onto the catalytic converter. ‘Clong’

“Did you hear that?” He tapped the cat again. “I’ll bet that there is a little exhaust putty that has dropped into the cat. I’d suggest getting the cat off and having a look inside.”

Well, regular reader, Glynn was right (again). Once we’d removed the cat and put it on the bench we could quite clearly discern a little bit of baked putty rattling about in there. Unfortunately, putty and cat honeycomb don’t go well together. It was time to ring Mrs Negris.

“I’m afraid that we’ll need to put a new catalytic converter on,” I said once I’d explained the situation.

“OK Kev. Let me ring around and see if anyone can beat your price first.”
You won’t be surprised to learn that Mrs Negris was back on the phone an hour or so later. “I can’t better it Kev – you’ve out-priced everyone else!”
Once we’d finished the job, I was updating Mrs Negris’ service history when I noticed something a little odd. Two years ago, we’d fitted a new set of Stunner tyres to the Tigra. She’d been back at the correct intervals to have the tyres inspect for warranty purposes (don’t forget that Stunners are covered by an accidental damage guarantee for two years as well as having cover against vandalism) – and it didn’t look like she’d had a new set put on since! I checked with her when she picked the car up.

“You’re right Kev – these tyres are two years and 36,000 miles old! And they are still going strong. The handling is fantastic in all conditions, in fact they’ve got to be one of the best buys I’ve ever made!”

Of course, we can’t promise that all cars will return this sort of mileage on one set of tyres – but if you check your pressures daily (as Mrs Negris did), keep them properly inflated and bring them back for their warranty inspections, you’ll find that they go on and on and on!

That’s the end of another tale from Kam for this week – and I can tell that you’re impressed that I’ve avoided mentioning the war. The boys had a wager on that I’d get it into the piece somehow. But I haven’t. You won’t find any reference to the bombing of Baghdad or the tragedy of the casualties of war. Not a word about it…

Until next week,

Dr Kev Allen