The Mizark Show

The Site Has Moved

2008-12-25T01:28:00.002-06:00

If you always got here by the .com addy (http://themizarkshow.com) then you aren't here cause that is the new sites name. But if you used the .blogspot.com addy to get here, you need to change that shit up. All new posts will be on the new site (thanks to the powers of wordpress.org) and the site will expand to host my old comic endeavors, some short stories and poetry I wrote and don't hate, and some photos and other stuff.

So, the move isn't cause I hate blogger, but because I just wanted a blog site that could be more than that... which Wordpress is great for. See ya blogger. Thanks for all the great times and for continuing to host my photoblog.

The Christmas War

2008-12-12T00:24:00.005-06:00

Since it's the holiday season these days, I have the joy of hearing Christmas Music for almost 8 hours a day while at work (thank god I have a Zune, otherwise I would kill people). I also have th joy of hearing all about Christmas/Holiday debates and frustrations via the news. And so far, the one thing I've taken away from this overly Christmasy season so far is that we are sending some very confusing messages to children via holiday music and classic, holiday stories.

For instance, in the tune "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," we are told that Santa is basically a god-like creature who see's all things, good and bad, judges people as good or bad, and rewards those who are good. But, we can't just be good, we must be good for goodness' sake. Presumably, that means that good deads cannot be good without being done for the right reasons, a very Kantian ethical system. But the song is basically about being good so you get rewarded with presents and not coal, poop, or other horrible gifts (eg: dress socks, underwear that doesn't fit, christmas sweaters): a Humian based, do things for the good outcome, sort of rationale.

In another instance of this Christmas confusion, we have "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" which focuses on the tale of a brave young reindeer, whose nose glows red for no good reason, and is therefore picked on by his/her peers. In the end, Rudolph saves the day because its a foggy night and the others can't see where they are going since Santa is too cheap to put headlights on his sleigh; so Rudolphs freakish nose becomes that light and presents are delivered as they should be. All this story really teaches, however, is to choose carefully who you make fun of because you might need their help later. If it helps children be nice to each other, I guess that's fine, but teaching them to do so just because they might need their help later places them in a very selfish sort of mindset. Shouldn't we treat others nicely because we are all individuals/equals? I guess it could be argued that the song tries to teach that... but I don't think it does a good job of it, if that is the case.

And then we have the tale of Ebenezer Scrooge, which teaches that we can be selfish assholes until we're old farts and then give out some free goodies with all the money we've horded and made off of those around us, and will be saved from damnation and ghostery. So, why be good your whole life, when all it takes is a change of heart somewhere down the road? I guess we have the worry of never knowing when our time will be up... and in Scrooge's case, he has a whole past full of regrets and sorrow. But that isn't what changes his mind about being good, cause he has presumably lived with the knowledge of that stuff for a while; it's seeing his grave and knowing that no one cares that he has died. Once again we have a case of selfish intentions as the reason for a paradigm shift.

Now, I'm not terribly fond of Christian holiday tunes, stories, and the like, but at least they have a fairly solid message which they stick to. It isn't about us, it's about others, it's about equality/individuality, and it's about doing the best you can with what you have.

If athiests/agnostics want to be taken seriously, they have to rethink these "secular" messages. In the state of Washington, there is a poster up next to the nativity scene on the state capital building which says this is a season for reason, and that "religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds." Honestly, though, the secular songs, stories, posters, and ethics put forward this time of the year prove that poster otherwise.

As most of you know, I'm not a religious person anymore and really don't care for organized religion as a whole... but I'm also not up for blatently offending people of belief during their times of celebration and worship. If these groups want to be taken seriously, they have to stop acting like their hearts have been hardened and think things through like rational people, rather than angry nutjobs who want to blackout Christmas and all other religious holidays while still enjoying the perks of having them around.

People in the Morning

2008-12-11T06:42:00.003-06:00

The one thing I hate about working night shift, is that people in the morning are either way too happy to be awake and starting their day, insanely grumpy and total assholes, and/or have put on way too much perfume, collogne, or deoderant, which means I have to smell a weird blend of breakfast foods, perfumes/collognes, and whatever else is in the air.

Maybe our health classes in middle and high school need to teach how to properly apply fragrances so that people aren't pouring that shit all over them selves in the morning so they smell good all day long. I mean, honestly, no scent is gonna make it all day, no matter how much you apply. How about taking some with you and spraying it on later once its worn off if you care that much?

Oh, and about grumpy people... when you complain to someone about something someone else did/said, stop first and contemplate whether or not it's really worth it. I have people regularly come up to the desk in the morning asking why they are taxed so much, why their room rate is different than it was quoted, how a movie charge was added to their account, and generally just trying to get out of paying for stuff.

So, this morning, someone claimed they had been quoted one charge and been actually charged something higher (a difference of about $8). Do I take them at their word and drop the charge? No, I get out the paper they signed that says how much they will be charged and show it to them. Did they admit they were wrong? Nope. Did I drop the charge? Nope. Should I drop the charge? Yeah... but the reason I did it was simple: you should never sign something without reading it first. They had agreed to pay that amount and if they had been quoted wrong, they should have complained then. Not at the end of the next person's shift.

Lessons you should take away from this: first of all, stop using excess fragrance, because no one cares and you're wasting your money. Second, read before you sign anything. Third, never expect people to believe your word when they deal with people who are wrong and/or trying to get out of charges at all times. I have no reason to believe that people are generally good cause most people I deal with aren't.

Follow these rules, and the next night auditor you meet will probably not rant about you in his blog. And might actually be nice enough to drop your charge $8.

Girl Practice

2008-12-07T10:56:00.002-06:00

I know I said it would still be awhile before girls made their big splash in the B4B world... but it's not actually going to be that far off after all. I was shooting for early 2009, but it looks more like late 2008. I know you're saying, "it is late 2008!" But don't lose your marbles just yet. I'm still working out design kinks as you can see below:

So, as I figure out how I'm going to make them look decent without completely changing how I draw the strip, you'll get updates on here of that progress. Eventually, I'll be changing how I draw the heads and bodies of characters, but I'm putting that off for a while. Doing two comic strips is enough to keep me busy for now. Promise.

What My Days Look Like

2008-12-07T04:34:00.003-06:00

I keep telling myself that I'll blog more regularly each time I start to write one of these damned things. Then I write one or two which I never actually release to the public, delete one, open the window at least once and wander off to do something else instead, or just plain forget. Lately, I've not been writing in here because of my jobs and "hobbies"...

To give you a feel for my work week, I'll just lay it out for ya. I wake up around 10pm and run around getting ready for work so I can be here around 10:45 or so. My coworkers are usually late for their shifts, but if the night shift is late it's like some sort of heinous crime. Double standards are lame, but I try to get them off at 11pm if possible even though I'm usually here until 7:15am or so. It doesn't really bother me that much though, cause I'm basically guaranteed a few hours of overtime everytime I'm scheduled five days a week.

I then work for my 8 or so hours, and then leave as soon as I can. Sometimes I stop for food or to get something at Walmart, but usually I just go straight home. Once there I shower, eat and watch something, and then start on stuff for my comics, sidejobs, or writing. I spend pretty much the rest of my day doing that stuff with some breaks for videogames, or to sometimes see people when I'm feeling more sociable than I have been lately.

That's pretty much my life. 8 hours working. 4-5 doing hobbies. 4-8 hours sleeping. And whatever fraction that's left after that stuff is spent cleaning, staring into space, chatting, and doing other stuff I decide has to be done (shopping, driving, eating more, and hygene stuff mainly).

I have a more interesting blog in the works, but am focusing on finishing a paper which should have been done forever ago so I can finally get my freaking diploma from my college graduation which the school is holding until this incomplete is finished. I was gonna just fail the paper and take the grade as it was, but then my family decided to conspire against me and isn't giving me gifts for b-day or x-mas if I don't finish this paper. I'd call bullshit on them, but I don't wanna chance it. They know I'm a materialist and spend all year deciding what to buy and what to put on a list... and since I only get presents one month a year, I'm not losing that because of one stupid, fucking paper.

The World Ends With You

2008-11-26T21:02:00.003-06:00

I really haven't used my DS much this year. I got it in the summer of 2007 and played it quite a bit from then until spring of 2008 when I basically caught up with my backlog of games. Since then, its collected dust while I played the PSP all summer and fall. It isn't that I hate the system, its just that the recent games for the system have been either so casual, simple, or stupid that I just can't get into them.

But, while visiting my brother in Lincoln this October, I borrowed three games: WarioWare Touched, Elite Beat Agents, and The World Ends With You. Of those three, I did what I wanted in the first two in one slow night at work. But when I started TWEWY, I found out I started something much bigger and much more intense.

When it came out I wanted to play it, but my brother had it, tried it, and wasn't thrilled, so I let it fall on my list of games to borrow in the future instead of purchase. Cause, honestly, I've been burned too many times on the new Nintendo systems to buy something I think looks cool without trying it first. But, honestly, I should have just bought this game. With the exception of the first party games on the DS, this is the best game I have played on the system. It is literally right up there with Phantom Hourglass, New Super Mario Bros, and the Advance War games.

I would try to explain it, but really... you just need to try it. The controls are simple but have a depth which is amazing. The weapons are completely different than any other RPG I've played. The combat is intense. And the item and leveling up system is brilliant. If it were on any other system, I honestly don't think the game would work. It is crafted to be an experience only met on the DS... which is something I don't think many developers have been able to do well until recently.

I guess the point of this post is to say: if you have a DS, enjoy RPGs (jRPGs especially), and need something to keep you busy this holiday season while you're going to and from god knows where... check out The World Ends With You if you haven't already played it. And if you have and didn't like it, I feel sorry for you, cause it is one of the best portable games I've ever played.

Why The Weekend Sucks

2008-11-23T01:59:00.002-06:00

Most of you won't agree with anything in this post, but screw you. You don't work nights on a regular basis, nor do you work Tuesday through Saturday (or Wenesday through Sunday... I also get a lot of 4 day weeks... I never work Monday though). So, to fill you in on my general hatred of the weekend, I give you a list. Maybe we'll agree on some things... or, you know, not...

There are more drunk people everywhere and instead of joining them, I have to be responsible.
Although most places are open later in the evening, they also open later in the morning which means I can't do my usual morning chores as easily.
There are more people out, about, and generally irritating me.
My gaming, tech, webcomic, and other blogs/sites don't update half as often as usual so I'm left feeling bored while on the computer.
People are out and about instead of sitting at home avoiding homework or sleep, which means they aren't talking to me while I'm bored at work.
Parties and stuff get thrown at HAUS which means I'm woken up and/or kept up by them. There are also more people on my network... which means that its harder to play games online, download stuff, or even cruise the net at times. That makes my night all the more better.
Everyone's weekly schedule is over and I have no clue when/if I'll see them until the workweek begins again.
People are in a generally good, upbeat mood... which irritates me for some reason. Just like holidays...
Saturdays on [adult_swim] generally suck.
Everyone I'm coming in after (at work) expects me to be there early so they can get off the clock and go hang out. But, seeing as I have little-to-no social life, fuck that shit.
Some places close early on Sunday or aren't open at all. Also, when I'm visiting my parents and friends in Kansas, I can't buy booze. There are also a ton of religious people everywhere looking and acting better than me. I therefore declare Sunday's lame.
There are more people driving when I am. And since everything cool in Liberty is on one of 2 main highways... that means more people are driving like retards and slowing it up for everyone.
Now that it is getting into the holiday season, it also becomes harder to buy anything on weekends because everything cool starts selling out and they can't restock in time or don't have a new shipment in until Tuesday.
People expect me to be in a better mood than normal. Never expect that. I change moods when I want with little or no reason. It's what makes me cute and adorable.

I'm sure I could go on for a while... but I think I hit all my main points. On a side note from all that frustration and emo-ness, I got a Zune and it kicks major ass. I've never liked the iPod or its store, design, software. I tried Creative's products for a while and enjoyed them, but Microsoft seriously delivered a kickass product with its second and third generation of Zunes. If you want a kickass mp3 player with built-in FM radio, wifi, sharing capabilities, and a sweet social network, check out the Zune now. They just dropped their prices on the Flash models so you can get the 4gb for $99. That's a fucking steal.

Now, I'm off to be all frustrated and grumpy for the rest of my shift.

Maybe I'm Doing Too Much...?

2008-11-20T17:51:00.002-06:00

I've recently realized that I'm doing 10 comics a week, working 32-40 hours at the hotel, pulling around 10 hours through Jewell's marketing office, still doing some side work for a doctors office's website, am still trying to find time to write stuff that isn't for the comics, and am supposedly in charge of the radio station (although with the computer issues and lack of students stepping up to take over, I'm thinking about just letting it die). On top of that, I play videogames whenever I can and cruise the web too much.

I enjoy most of it... the pay from my jobs is good, even if it is stressful, tiring, and frustrating as hell. The comics are fun to do and I enjoy hearing feedback from friends, family, and readers who stumble across my sites. Writing other stuff is fun but I have a hard time finishing anything because I always get sidetracked by other ideas, projects, etc... And I'm not even going to talk about The Edge. It and the doctors website are the most frustrating things in my life right now.

How can you just decide to stop doing something you enjoy? I see other people do it quite a bit, but I just don't work that way. If I enjoy doing something I make time for it, even if it is detremental to my sleep schedule, work performance, social appearance, etc... I guess I'm just not like other people. Maybe that's a good thing. I think it is, anyway.

Maybe my life will always be a cluttered mess of creative endeavors I start and can't stop pursuing. If that's the case, hopefully at least a few of them start making me some money.

See, I Know How To Blog!!!

2008-11-15T00:33:00.004-06:00

It's been a while since I actually "blogged" as most people do. Sure, I've done some posts about tech stuff, gaming, politics, drawings, etc... but that isn't the essence of personal blogging. However, there has been a good reason for that: in one way or another, my comics say everything I normally would write. I update B4B three days a week and include a mini-blog thing there. I update Gleeful Nihilism daily without a blog. I also Twitter... so that manages to steal all the small updates that would be short posts here otherwise. And, lately, I've been doing NaNoWriMo... so a lot of my typing efforts are directed in that are. However, I am behind on one comic, need a break from the novel, and feel like typing... so here comes a pseudo-real update (and expect more in the future)!

My job at the hotel is going fairly well... I've been the fulltime Night Auditor for 5 months now and still am enjoying it for the most part. I have some downtime scattered throughout the evening to draw, play PSP, write, and get to watch [adult_swim] while folding receipts and newspapers for delivery.

I am still doing some sidejobs with my web design/editing skills... right now I'm still doing a few hours a week at Jewell to help out their marketing office and am also doing a bit at the doctors office for whom I rebuilt their site last spring/summer. Since the hotel blocked the sites I use to edit stuff for the doctors office, I can't do that from work though... and since you need IE 7+ to do stuff for Jewell, I can't do that at work either. Which means it has eaten into my freetime more and more.

The comics are still a lot of fun to draw and write for, however lately, with my sidejobs picking up some speed and needing stuff done on a quicker schedule, I've fallen behind more frequently. Maybe a schedule change is due... however I doubt that will happen. I'll just try to get ahead sometime and keep a small buffer maintained to anticipate my falling behind.

I'm still juggling a million games between a million consoles... I really love gaming. It is almost insane how much I enjoy getting time to just sit down and play a game I've been waiting to come out, picking up a classic I have fond memories of, or just gaining some new achievements/trophies on a replay. This gaming "addiction" has eaten into my dvd watching, however I'm slowly catching up on that by watching stuff as I nap or fall asleep for the day.

I met freakin Don Hertzfeldt in Omaha, NE on a trip to see Stevo. We saw most of his work on the big screen, got to see his new piece (i am so proud of you), sat in on a live Q/A session, and then met him and got his autograph. It was awesome. It was also really good to get away from Missouri and Kansas for a while. Not like Nebraska is that big of a difference... but it was still good, nonetheless.

Last time I was home, Jessi and I finally caught up and watched something like 4 movies. All good flicks too. I think I watched 6 movies total that day. Luckily, my basement at home has two TV's side by side so I could game and watch tv. That's like heaven.

With the dreaded holiday season around the corner, I'm in surprisingly good spirits. I guess that's what being out of school can do for ya.

Speaking of school, I guess I should say that The Edge will probably meet its demise by the end of 2008 or 2009. A few people are talking about taking over the managerial and production side of things if I do the webdesign... but I don't think they have any idea what they are getting into. Jewell is a bitch about its clubs and expects the station to basically edit any song they don't like and appeal to anyone who might complain. It's a horrible way to run a student organization like that, but its not like they care. They've killed one student run radio station, why not another!?

I trimmed up my beard tonight. I hate the post trimming period where you see yourself in a reflection or mirror and regret having done it. But I know it looks a bit more professional, which I guess people care about in the real world.

In the past week or two, I bought and watched the entire Mike Judge Collection of Beavis and Butthead (including the movie). It is a brilliant show and I keep trying to watch other stuff, and just coming back to it over and over again. I'm sure my hausmates are sick of hearing their laughter pour out of my room at weird hours of the day/night.

My nerdiness has reached an alltime high recently when I realized that whenever I'm home, I have a browser up with Joystiq, Kotaku, Engadget, and various other blogs up and refreshed constantly. I think it might be an addiction. If so, I don't care. Don't even bother with an intervention... I'd probably just brush you off while hitting refresh for the 5th time in a minute.

I haven't seen many friends/people lately... the only people I regularly interact with in person are Brad, Rachel, and my coworkers. Online I see many more people... I say this to comfort those of you who are in the Liberty area and haven't seen me in ages. It's nothing personal. I just live a weird, secluded life thanks to my job schedules. If you want to hang out sometime, we'll have to actually plan something. Spontenaity kind of dies when your life is based on a real schedule.

And I think thats it... like I said at the start, I'll try to actually blog more in the future, rather than just do stupid little updates you don't care about. But still expect those too. After all, I have to gush about my love for gaming and tech stuff somewhere!!!

My Fallout 3 Addiction

2008-11-05T06:42:00.004-06:00

I can admit this with pride: I am completely addicted to Fallout 3. Now, this may not come as a huge surprise to many of you who know how big of a videogame freak I can be. But this is honestly a different sort of thing... I'm addicted to games, plural. I usually juggle many of them and play kind of like an ADD kid. I rock one for a while, then switch, then switch, then quit for the day to find candy, furry things, or something shiny. But all I've been playing since last Wednesday (outside of my portable games) is Fallout 3 and I've logged just under 30 hours in 6 days.

I tried to get into Bethesda's previous game, Oblivion, this summer when the price dropped to $30 as part of the PS3 hits series... but I'm not huge on the whole old-world RPG genre. So I played it for a few days, got bored, and moved on. But Fallout 3 somehow brings together almost everything I like about gaming and wraps it up in a sweet little post-apocolyptic package.

One of the things I stumbled upon was just how open the world really was. While doing a ton of side quests and basically ignoring the main quest altogether, I ended up finding what all those main quests were supposed to eventually get me. How many other games seriously let you do that!? Most of the time to get mission D you have to complete A through C first. And although the objectives in each mission can be switched around, A has to be done before you can reach B, and B has to be done before you can even find or activate C. That, in my opinion, is frustrating as hell. Many times I've stumbled upon something I wasn't supposed to find until later, and been teased with the inability to do whatever they were asking or hitting some sort of block placed there by the developers so you had to play the little story they took so much time to work on.

Anyway, I should stop writing about this. You don't care... unless you actually are playing the game, and then you probably read the first part of this, wondered why you weren't playing the game, and closed the window to focus on the game. I don't blame you. As soon as I get home, I'm probably gonna start it up. And then midday I'll feel awful about still not finishing up the comic for B4B and I'll do that while watching videos about other games I want on my side screen. Cause I've watched all the Fallout videos I can find...

New Drawing Style!?

2008-10-24T13:36:00.007-05:00

So, this might be the new look of B4B... I've been needing/wanting to upgrade the character styles since I went multiframe and have had constant characters, but I've been busy as hell and am a lazy asshole. Anyway, let me know what you think.

It should start hitting the comic soon. These are the main characters, but Billy (blue shirt) will be changed up some cause I decided to do that after this was finished and up. Eventually the whole body and everything will be redone... but lets just take this one step at a time. We don't wanna move too fast. Then if we break up we'll have to decide who gets what... and that just sucks.

Updates, Games, and Stuff

2008-10-14T06:09:00.003-05:00

Not much to update on... I'm working on making the B4B characters look different than they currently do. That way you can tell them apart. I'm also working on improving my backgrounds and stuff... so that should be fun. Still writing for the other 2 or 3 comic ideas I have in my head. One or both should be started in early 2009 (I put them off so I can finish this senior thesis a semester late and also get some NaNoWriMo action in). Still working at the hotel, at jewell, and for a few places via scriptDance. And I'm playing videogames and sleeping as much as possible.

I'm heading home today so that I can help get my house "handicap ready" for my dad. He's having shoulder surgery this Wednesday, so I'm gonna help get the house set up for his gimped up state for the next few weeks/months. Then, I'll go sit with mom in the waiting room to keep her company and help get my Dad home. It'll also be good for dad b/c mom has a doctors app that afternoon and has to work the next morning. So I'll be around to fetch stuff for him and make sure he's doing all right. I'll probably take back the PS3 since I've been showing a lot of Xbox 360 love as of late. I want to pick up Dead Space asap... so I'll probably stop and get it on the way home. If you haven't seen anything about it, look it up.

I also got some new PSP games downloaded today. Spyro the Dragon and Crash Bandicoot for the psOne, echochrome, and a few demos which are fun so far. I spent just under $25 for all of them which are fun as hell and provide me with something to do on the go (like sitting in a waiting room for 5 hours).

Brad and I finally beat Castle Crashers this week and have started playing the Insane Mode... which is kicking our asses. It truly earns the name insane. I saw all four of my hausmates within the span of 42 hours. Something which hasn't happened in weeks. And I'm pretty much painfree for the first time since last April sometime. So stuff is going pretty well. I have a more substantial post in the works on some philosophical stuff I've been contemplating. Expect that to hit soon. And expect some more drawings as well. I've been tweaking my style and trying to make it more of my own deal. Anyway, I'm off for now. Gotta finish up stuff at work and then go change and head home.

Console Price Wars: PS3 FTW

2008-10-09T14:27:00.005-05:00

With holidays around the corner, analysts have been saying that if Sony doesn't drop the price of its PS3, it will continue to get pullelled by the Xbox360 in sales. But, lets just do the math here for a second to see if that argument holds up to logical argumentation:

Xbox360's cheapest console: $200

A nice hard drive: $140

A wireless adapter: $90

An express charge kit: $40

A Play and Charge Kit with second controller: $65

A decent, new game: $60

A year of Xbox LIVE: $50

That total cost comes to: $645. And even if you drop the play-n-charge kit which has a second controller with it, its still gonna be well over $500. Then add in tax. Why does that matter? Because in November, the $500 model of the PS3 will come with:

A 120gb internal harddrive which is upradable without voiding waranty.

A dualshock3 controller which has a lithium-ion battery in it so it charges without extra stuff.

A great game (Uncharted: Drake's Fortune) which everyone should play.

Free Playstation Network access for gaming, media, etc.

A bluray player for movies, games, etc.

And if you have a PSP, you have the connectivity through remote play to play select PS3 games on the go as well as the option to take movies you buy from the store with you.

That, with tax will come to about $540, and the only thing it doesn't have that the 360 does, is an official headset. But the PS3 uses bluetooth, so if you don't already have a headset for your phones and computer, then you should get with the program anyway.

So does the PS3 really need to drop prices? Hell no. They sell the system for more, but it comes with everything you need and doesn't require yearly/monthly fees. It also has more great exclusive titles, all the multiplatform games the 360 has, trophies (their equivalent to achievements), and an active online community. The problem is that Sony has the beast of a system, with some awesome titles, great third party support building up, and a 10 year expected lifespan, but they don't know how the hell to market it. Whereas the 360, which has been out a year longer, is already looking towards a new system, hitting the peak of graphical power and needs a new storage option b/c the regular disks can't hold what a bluray disk can.

So just think before you shell out the cash for a system, take it all into account, and remember... Little Big Planet is only on the PS3. And even if you didn't know it yet, you want to play that game.

Continuing Education

2008-09-25T23:58:00.003-05:00

As a college graduate (who still has to finish his undergrad philosophy thesis), you'd probably assume that I wouldn't allow my education to stop. After all, I valued it enough to go above and beyond high school, and not just to a regular college, but one that kicked my ass all over the academic playing field. But really, the only things I've learned this summer is how to draw better, do more with the computer languages I already knew, and get a better grasp on photoshop and all its intricacies.

It's not that I'm tired of learning... because I have a deep hunger to learn, grow, and create. It's that I'm sick and tired of academia itself.

In my four years at college, I read more than I ever have in my life, pumped out a few papers a week, slept less than I ever imagined a person could while still functioning, and stretched myself via a truckload of different committments (eg: starting an online radio station, writing for the paper, doing comics, being a Resident Assistant, etc). And what wore me out more than any of the above, was being graded, judged, and measured by the opinions, ideas, and theories I formed throughout it all.

Sure, I understand that to get a grade, a professor has to grade something... but I think the grading process has become more about fitting people into a scale rather than judging how well they understood the material and how much they took away from it. I consistantly got B's and C's while my classmates got A's and B's. Some did far less work/reading than I did, some did far more work than I did, but for the most part, I always came away from an assignment feeling like I understood the material just as well as my classmates, even if I couldn't quite articulate my understanding of it in the same way as my colleagues.

That led to frustration, anger, bitterness, depression, and a weird blend of existential-nihilism which threw my senior year into an alcohol infused tailspin. After graduating with my 2.8 GPA despite my hardwork and sleepless nights, I just pushed away philosophy for the summer. Tried not to think about it, definitely didn't read any of it, and vowed to not even start work on my thesis until I was out of my funk. But that funk kept going, thanks to more kidney stone problems, surgeries, hospitalizations, etc...

As of writing this, I've been in the hospital 3 times since April, been in the ER 4-5 times, have a stint in my ureter, had 2 lithotripsies, am still on a handful of pills that make me tired and cooky, and am still in pain and peeing blood.

But I'm trying to come out of this weird spot... and I figured that I'd start with some smaller philosophy books by authors Jewell didn't give much time in the spotlight (if any). The first is The Stranger by Albert Camus. I've got a handful of other books at home that are competing for which is next, but if this goes well, I might just find some more Camus. And hopefully, before 2008 is over, I'll have finished my thesis, be on good terms with philosophy again, and be done with kidney stones for a while.

Just Doing My Job

2008-09-24T00:45:00.002-05:00

It's weird being thanked for doing something that is just a part of my job. Whether they tell me how good the breakfast bags are and thank me for making them and having them out for them. Or whether its someone who insists I take a tip for bringing them something they needed up to the room, instead of having them come to the front desk to get it. Or just being thanked for putting breakfast out, selling a room, cleaning a mess, etc... I know it is just polite to thank someone for helping you out or doing something which benefited you. But when they go out of their way to do it, I just feel awkward.

I want to respond with "you know, I do get paid for doing this job" to make sure they don't think I volunteer at the hotel, like a homeless shelter or soup kitchen which I just have the good soul and spare time to help out. No, this is my job. I do it 4-5 days a week, I hate parts of it just like anyone else would, I like parts of it (eg: working alone and seeing very few people), I have coworkers who can both irritate me and lighten my mood, and I have bosses that will crack down on me if I'm not doing my job right/well.

Part of it is just my history in the workplace... when delivering furniture, we knew that the people getting this stuff didn't have to pay for it to be delivered and set up in their house, so we expected tips when having to rearrange bedrooms, living rooms, and basements to get the new furniture in place and where they wanted it. When they didn't tip, and we'd done extra work, it pissed us off, and for good reason, too.

When working at Bath and Body Works, the job was to stock and check inventory, sell product, help and demo those products for guests, and keep the place clean and inviting. We rarely got thanked by shoppers unless they really needed help and we got them taken care of... or unless they were regulars, in which case they would stop and chat and their company was less of a hastle than others (eg: teen girls who would spray EVERY demo product in the store before going to their lame, girly movie at the other end of the mall).

And working at Jewell is just an exercise in frustration. Almost no one I work with understands webdesign, knows any computer languages, can function within photoshop, and has no artistic/design direction in mind when giving me projects. So I do my best job coming up with ideas and possibilities, weed out the bad ones, and present something which is often never used or never credited to me, even though I did everything but the text based part of the page. It's like they think of webdesign as designing a newsletter in Publisher. But it isn't. I don't use lame, expensive programs to code... I do it by hand because its simpler and cleaner. And all the images and fancy hover-changes that go online aren't just magic, they are things I designed. Yet I get paid less and credited very little while the person(s) who wrote the text, the easiest part of a website, is given a bigger paycheck and all the credit when its successful.

I guess I should be happy to accept thanks for the little things I'm supposed to do anyway... but all it really ends up doing is making me mad about the fact that I should be getting thanked for all the other stuff I do which is actually extra work.

Rock Band 2's 360 Exclusive Window Bad for PS3

2008-09-19T01:26:00.002-05:00

With the new generation of rhythm games allowing their instruments to work on other games (rockband 2, guitar hero: world tour, rock revolution), the lack of cross platform compatibility means that if you buy one rhythm game on a certain platform, you are basically stuck buying the others for the same one... unless you really just love a bunch of fake plastic instruments cluttering up your living room. And once again striking an exclusive deal with RockBand2, the 360 version has come out a whole month early.

Most people think "one month is no big deal," but you're wrong. Everyone that buys Rockband 2 in that month gets 20 bonus songs for no extra charge and will ultimately make the decision to buy Guitar Hero: World Tour for the 360 as well, meaning that the PS3 version will have a worse start and slower sales. And really, the Wii version of these games is as handicapped as the PS2 because of the lack of DLC, the shitty online capabilities, and the all around graphical suckage.

When will Sony pick up on how important exclusive deals are? It seems like they might have already figured it out, because Mirrors Edge, which releases in the US on Nov 11, has an exclusive DLC deal struck with Sony. Not Microsoft... this time.

What would be best for consumers is to have no exclusive deals ever struck. Then, all DLC and content would be availible to every system. But that just won't happen. So stop pretending that Microsoft will play "fair," already, and pick up some freakin DLC for yourselves Sony. All of us PS3 owners will be very grateful.

Star Wars: Force Unleashed

2008-09-16T07:48:00.002-05:00

Okay, so its shame time... today, I bought my first non-exclusive 360 game. It was Star Wars: The Force Unleashed.

Why would I do that to Sony, the company that treats me so well and gives me bluray love? Because of the lack of trophies in the PS3 version. Most new games are coming out with patches at least, but SW:TFU isn't planning on it. And that is bullshit. When I got my 360 I vowed to myself to buy all PS3 games if there wasn't a catch behind getting the 360 version (exclusive DLC mainly) . But the appeal of achievements has snuck in and added another little exclusion to that rule when trophy support isn't added.

Sony, maybe you don't understand this, but gamers love being rewarded for doing simple, dumb, complex, and even pointless shit in videogames. If we get a trophy/achievement for doing something, we will probably work all day/night to figure it out. Or just get on GameFaq and cheat when our spirits are broken.

Sure, the PSN is way better than LIVE, if for no other reason than it being free. The PS3 is an all around better system which will last longer and be all around more badass. The DualShock3 still feels better in my hands, even if the 360's trigger buttons feel great (like a ripoff of the gamecube really, which was an awesome trigger setup). I love the fact that your controllers have the batteries built in, that you allow any bluetooth headset, and that your camera doesn't suck balls.

But Sony... you've gotta get with the program and realize that gamers want DLC, trophies, and other sorts of incentives. Otherwise, us geeks with multiple systems will always be drawn to the other versions of the game instead of yours. Even if we hate giving into the beast known as Microsoft.

Why I've Been Distant

2008-09-08T18:51:00.004-05:00

Here are the things that have kept me from finishing merch designs, writing blogs, and getting more artwork posted on here:

I moved boozeathon4billion to its own host/server so I don't have to deal with delays because of ComicGenesis and their slow servers. I also have more accurate stats and more freedom to use my images in RSS feeds, facebook apps, etc. That took a good week to complete and I'm still working on minor tweaks to the archived pages.
I'm trying to catch up on work for my freelance webdesign stuff, scriptDance. I fell behind on a lot of work because of my hospitalization and am still trying to get caught up.
I am still dealing with my kidney stone problems... I had a problem with one in April and passed it. Then in May I conjured up another one somehow and that one wouldn't pass. It stayed silent until August when I was hospitalized again because it was blocking the exit to my right kidney and so my body was rejecting pretty much everything I ate and drank. That one had me in and out of the hospital for a week, then through a surgery, then several weeks of pain and discomfort just to find out that the surgery didn't work and that I have to do it again. Yay.
My sleep schedule is weird as hell. I'm on this weird night schedule which has naps strewn throughout the day because of my medications due to health problems. I take meds, get drowsy, pass out, and get nothing done. It's very frustrating... but I feel fairly refreshed upon waking up. Until the next pills...
I'm still working a full time job as a Night Auditor at a hotel in town. Full time jobs where you stand/walk almost 8 hours a day are very draining by weeks end.
I have a bunch of new games for my consoles and I keep getting sidetracked by them in the little downtime that I get and feel "okay" enough to enjoy.
I'm slipping into a funk/depression because of all the shit going on lately in my life, so its just hard as hell to get the motivation to draw/post for something that I haven't really finished "designing" in my head yet. I have a bunch of half-done stuff that I just haven't finished because it is either, a) shit, or b) a lot of work.

So there you go. That's my life as of the past few weeks. I promise that there will be more stuff soon, but have no clue when. My next surgery is on the 17th and hopefully it will work this time. I hope to get some merch online before then and to get at least another sketch or two up whether it is colored or not. Thanks for the patience and thoughts/concern. I'll see you around soon.

Back Soon. I Promise.

2008-08-31T04:15:00.003-05:00

The past two weeks have been insane. The week before last I was busy as hell... going back and forth between LV and Liberty to see my brother who was in town for a few weeks before college started up again. Then, as he left, I had another kidney stone attack. I was in and out of the hospital/ER for 3 days before they admitted me on my Urologists request. I had a stint put in, left the next day, went back for lithotripsy, and was effectively off of work and out of this world for a whole week. Now, I'm passing stone fragments, which keeps me from sleeping b/c I have to drink a lot and pee all the time. It's wonderful.

And that brings us up to date. I've been playing videogames instead of drawing because I'm so foggy from the drugs and pain that drawing just doesn't go well. I do have new shirt designs underway (more than what has been shown here even) and want them up asap. Hopefully within the week you will be able to not just see them, but purchase them! Exciting.

I'm finally back at work, and since summer is almost over, and school is back in session, things have died down. I have most of my check-ins done by the time I clock in. There are fewer walk-ins. And I have a lot of time to sketch, play PSP, and watch some TV or edit sites. So I hope to get some of all that stuff done while on the clock throughout the year. I love the night shift!

My next post will include art. And might be someplace other than blogger. I'm playing with wordpress... its great for the comic dropdown/community because I can have secondary pages. So it isn't just a blog. That could be nice for this too... my beta blog there is http://themizarkshow.blogspot.com so check it out and let me know which you like better. I'm off to set up breakfast and clean the lobby. Then, its back to LocoRoco!!!

More Kidney Stones

2008-08-21T21:56:00.003-05:00

I've been in and out of the hospital this week because the stone I had problems with in May finally decided to start giving me problems again. Only this time, it is bigger and badder than before. So, now I'm gonna be facing some sort of procedure (most likely lithotripsy) to get them either pulled out of me or smashed down small enough that I can pass. Right now its about 2mm too big for me to pass so until something is done, I'm getting to deal with nausea, extreme and random bouts of pain, dehydration issues, and painful, acid pee.

This is why there haven't been any sketches this week... and why the comics have been late. It's hard to do stuff when you're either in the hospital or sleeping because of painkillers. I hope to have this dealt with next week and be back on a semi-normal schedule asap. I'll try keeping you as up to date as possible. Until then... wish me well!!

Lackluster and Full of Contempt

2008-08-15T07:28:00.003-05:00

I'm very literally trying to find out if my words have any meaning. I know that it sounds cliche, emo, and whatever degrading term you want to tack on, but I'm honestly not sure anymore. I think it's my self-diagnosed dissocial personality disorder combined with my near nihilistic "world view" which comes together nicely with my constantly changing/growing interests and my hatred of all things similar and constant... to push me into this completely agnostic, moderate lifestyle.

I don't mean to be a flipflopper like I hate politicians for being. I don't mean to hurt those around me most of the time. I don't mean to say one thing and then do the other. It's just that I completely believe multiple things at once; conflicting things... even completely contradictory things... it makes life a rough inward battle for what I think I need and what I want (which is never really static).

I've never had a real profession/job in mind for how I would spend my life in the workworld. I've never had very constant hobbies (unless you count videogames, but my taste in games fluctuates a lot). And I think the only idea/belief I would really die for is my freedom to believe whatever the hell I want. When I'm in a relationship I want out... when I'm single, I seem to be constantly in search of a relationship. When I'm with a group, I want to be alone... when I'm alone, I often wish I had company.

This inner struggle makes it hard for me to maintain friendships because I lose interest in people once I "figure them out" and then am often frustrated that they are so predictable and boring. It made school an uphill battle because I could never just choose a philosophy I liked and go with it since I saw the good points and bad points of all of them and didn't like any one much more than the other. And it makes expressing my feelings/emotions weird, because they are either faint or extreme in nature... sometimes both in the same instance.

I think its this inner deal which makes me love the Joker and TwoFace much more than I care for Batman. It's why I can't follow a religious system without feeling dirty and depressed. It's why I like the challenge of drawing and writing comics more than just writing or just drawing them. It's why I enjoy bands like Motion City Soundtrack and Harvey Danger (well, that and they have some sweet musical skills on top of the weird lyrics).

And the only reason I'm posting this and not keeping it private like so many other self realization posts is so that you know that I'm not just a misanthropic hypocrite... but also a sociopath.

Shirt Beta Designs

2008-08-13T00:56:00.002-05:00

happy carrot.
new take on the logo.
coffeemug!?

all this will be available soon. and in a more finished quality! promise.

I Has A New Toy

2008-08-12T02:40:00.003-05:00

This is the first sketch done on my new tablet and I think it turned out pretty well. It was much easier to draw and went a little quicker (although it took longer than I expected b/c I'm still getting used to the new tablet).

I didn't do a whole lot of detailing, but I figured I would keep it simple and just get something up for ya.

Now that I have the new tablet, I'm planning on getting some merch made up and hosted online for you peoples to buy up. It will still be a month or two away, but be on the lookout as I post possible designs and stuff here.

New Look, No Drawings

2008-08-09T19:33:00.002-05:00

Although I have nothing new to show off today, I did completely rebuild B4B from the ground up! It's lookin pretty damn good I think and loads a lot faster than it used to. I'm still trying to decide where to put the news area and whether or not to bring back the comment box on the side bar (for the main page at least)... if you have any ideas/opinions, let me know. Since you are the readers, I have to keep you happy, right?

So either email me or comment here to let me know if you want the news and comment box back on the main page. I'm off to sleep now. Building a whole website from scratch in one afternoon is tiring.

Tall Girl

2008-08-08T16:08:00.004-05:00

Some of you who are avid Jeph Jacques freaks will recognize this sketch probably. He did something very similar on his blog a while back and in my attempts to get people to look like... um... people, I've been looking off of other webcomics work, photos, and watching real people and trying my hand at that stuff.

It's not a tracing or anything though... totally me just drawing it after looking at his work though. So I think its pretty good.

I was going to get more done this week, but I ordered a new tablet and am having trouble using this one knowing that I have a bigger, better baby on the way. But, I will do something else tomorrow as well. And in case you are wondering, I did get all three B4B comics up this week. Even if they were late...