the compulsive worrier

2009-07-08T09:47:00.002+01:00

Helsby Hill at Easter (photograph by Phil Mann)

One of my blogfriends wrote about her village in a recent post (Mrs Nesbitt)and it got me thinking about the place I live, which is Helsby!

I haven't always lived here. Phil and I moved to Helsby 21 years ago when we got married. Previously we'd lived in neighbouring "villages" on the Wirral. I use the term villages loosely here, as some parts of the Wirral are now so built up that villages and towns run into one another with little to define them unless you look hard.

We chose Helsby because it was around half-way between our respective places of employmeny; Phil works in Wythenshawe and I work for Wirral Borough Council. Phil and I are both either exceedingly loyal and dedicated employees as we have stayed working for the SAME employers since leaving Uni or (more likely!) we are too lacking in courage/enterprise/confidence/talent etc to try working for anyone else :) Well, I did actually apply to Cheshire Council twice for jobs and they rejected me both times! Fortunately, I love my job (most of the time) and am reasonably happy working for WBC.

I remember very clearly the day we spent house-hunting in the area; we looked at a modern house in Frodsham (nice but backing on the railway and with a chocolate brown bathroom suite!) and our current home in Helsby. Our house is nothing unusual (a 1950s semi in a quiet cul-de-sac) but as soon as I went inside it I loved it and that feeling has never changed. The day we heard it was ours was one of the happiest of my life. I used to make Phil drive me past it in the dark before we moved in so I could visit it! I remember when we took possession, how huge and empty it seems and how little furniture we had, mostly handmedowns from other people. For quite some time our dining room contained a small fridge freezer and nothing else!

Our sitting room had brown velvet curtains, a brown carpet and a brown suite formerly belonging to Phil's parents. I am not a lover of brown in that quantity. But carpet, curtains and suite were all good quality and we had no money to replace them. We changed the curtains when Kate was born, bought a new suite when Sian was born and eventually replaced the carpet too!

Now the empty spaces are full of "stuff" and with two teenagers and two adults it no longer feels large. We have built an extra bedroom/shower room in the loft and redone kitchen and bathroom but we are still here. We've thought of moving, looked at other houses, but basically we are content here. We like the road, the neighbours, the village. We are withing walking distance of schools and shops and friends' homes.

Helsby has changed over the years; lots of new houses and a Tesco supermarket which I have a love/hate relationship with!At the moment it has two pubs boarded up which is somehow sad....I've lived here longer than anywhere else and I love it. I love going out for a walk and always seeing someone I know. I like going to village events like last night's fashion show at the Ex-serviceman's club. I like the fact it is right on the edge of beautiful countryside and also close to the motorway so the Lakes, Wales, Yorkshire etc are not far away. We can get to Chester, Liverpool and Manchester easily.

Helsby isn't pretty or especially interesting; but it's HOME.

2009-07-04T20:48:00.004+01:00

Today has been really great; we all went over to Liverpool and spent large amounts of money; mainly on the girls I hasten to add! My daughters are so gorgeous (excuse my partiality!) I just love buying them clothes as I know they'll look great on them. Whereas I hate buying clothes for me as I know I'll always look the same - horrible! Maybe that's why I prefer to buy jewellery, shoes, bags and scarves!

That took up most of the day; and now Phil has gone out to photograph a charity walk and I'm waiting for a phone call from Kate so I can collect her from bowling at Cheshire Oaks. Then we are all supposed to watch the "Shopaholic" DVD (very appropriate after today!) but the way it's going it will be too late to do that!

My new eating regime is going ok with only minor lapses. To my amazement, on day six I awoke feeling tons better, just as Diet Lady said I would! I have totally stopped wanting to drink tea or coffee which is so odd. I do still want chocolate so on the advice of the book i bought some Lindt 85% dark chocolate (very low in sugar)as apparently the odd square is ok to satisfy the desire for chocolate. It is really different from Cadbury's Dairy Milk but I have to say, one square tasted delicious and yet I didn't feel the need to eat half the bar the way I do with Cadbury's!!!

Breakfast was Alpen sugar free museli and again that tasted INCREDIBLE; after those five days of deprivation it seems my taste buds have changed in some strange way. I had some oatcakes on Friday with a smear of fruit puree and honestly, they tasted better than a McVities Chocolate HobNob!!I could really taste the oats; normally I'd put so much butter on all I'd taste is butter. It is also odd not to be calorie counting...

I have no idea if I've lost weight as I have no scales. Also, although I'd love to lose some weight my main motivation is to eat better, maybe help my IBS and to not have so many cravings for crap foods. My trousers feel looser however! If I can somehow carry on, I'll probably pluck up courage to get on some scales if my trousers start actually falling DOWN!

If I can stick to this regime until after our holiday in August I'm going to treat myself to a riding lesson on Bruno - just a one-off!

2009-06-30T19:37:00.002+01:00

I haven't blogged for a few days; I've been so busy and so hot!

Sian returned from Berlin; she really enjoyed her trip but I have my doubts as to how educational it was! She was very vague about what she'd seen and done and I don't think she spoke much German!

Big excitement in my little world; I have a new fridge! The old one was about 14 years old and well past its prime. The trouble is, we have a very narrow alcove in our kitchen for the fridge to fit in so I needed to find a tall narrow replacement. That's not easy - I finally located the only tall narrow fridge in the country, I think!

The other thing I've been doing is dieting. I generally don't like or believe in diets. However I found one that quite appealed to me (the Harcombe diet)as it tackles food cravings which I have in abundance. It also focuses on eating unprocessed foods which I think is a good thing.

The first phase of the diet which lasts for five days is quite strict - I can only eat fish, meat, salad, eggs, vegetables, olives and natural yoghurt. No milk,bread, potatoes,chocolate, sugar, no caffeinated tea or coffee. Hmmm, it's been REALLY tough! The idea is to knock cravings on the head. After the initial five days, you can eat more normally but only unprocessed foods and in certain (easy) combinations. I have to say I am really excited about the prospect of eating shredded wheat for breakfast on Thursday! This phase lasts until you've lost any weight you want to, then you can return to eating normally but still avoiding processed foods.

I've realised how often I reach for food out of habit instead of hunger. If all you can eat is something you don't really WANT to eat, you don't eat it unless you are actually hungry!

I'm amazed I'm on Day 4 as I have zero will power! I'm also amazed how many foods have added sugar in them! It's everywhere - bread, curry paste, tinned ham, you name it! I have felt really lousy these four days. No energy and a permanent dull headache!

Off for a cup of herbal tea now....

2009-06-24T14:55:00.002+01:00

Off to Berlin...

This morning i drove Sian to Liverpool Airport as she was off on a trip to Berlin. She's had such a traumatic time of late she wasn't sure she wanted to go but in the end decided to give it a go! It was hard saying goodbye to her but she looked pretty relaxed and happy when I left her. i'll be glad when she's home though!

RDA didn't need me this afternoon so i went for a lovely walk with J and Buster; really enjoyed myself.

Ihanks to Akelamalu for this lovely award! It's for "best follower" of your blog but I couldn't choose between the kind folk who read, comment and support me, so please if you would like this, take it with love from me!

Apologies for those who couldn't get the link to Facebook to work for Kate's photos of the prom - it works ok for me but maybe it's some FB techie thing - it's beyond me!

I was thrilled to get another wedding booking for next year from a lovely couple we met the other weekend. They said really nice things about our work which was encouraging as I've been having a crisis of confidence about the photography lately.

Now it's a choice between clearing up the kitchen or sitting in the sun with my book...hmm, which is it to be?

2009-06-22T10:17:00.002+01:00

A tale of two parties...

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times......" just about sums up last week for me! After my post on Wednesday things continued to get worse and worse and I was feeling more and more hopeless and worried. In the midst of it all, I was doing last minute errands with Kate helping her to get ready for her Prom on Friday night. We needed to buy shoes and get her some beautiy treatments, hair accessories etc. It involved a lot of driving around and time but I think the result was worth it (see photo above!)

So the first party was Kate's prom, which of course I didn't attend although I'd love to have been a fly on the wall! After work I drove straight to Kate's friend E's house where her posse were putting the finishing touches to their outfits. Phil and I were taking photos of them all and I'd left my camera bag packed and ready for Phil to bring - but unfortunately he'd not heard me ask him to bring it so he didn't! Phil's camera is too heavy for me to use especially as my right arm is still hurting like mad, so Phil took the photos and I "arranged" the girls - it was just like doing wedding groups LOL. You can see more prom pictures here

E's parents had provided champagne, Buck's Fizz and nibbles; it was all lovely and a couple of other parents were there too. After they'd all left for the prom, Phil, Sian and I went home for a takeaway curry and a DVD night. Kate really enjoyed her party, they all seemed to have a lovely time and it was worth all the effort to see them all look so beautiful!

Saturday was a pretty crap day, really, and although Phil and I were supposed to be attending a 50th birthday party in the village I was certain we wouldn't go. Neither of us are party people and I can remember only enjoying a few parties ever in my life (my friend A's parties in CA and my friend J's parties here in Helsby being notable exceptions!) - when I was a child I actually used to CRY when invited to parties!

But anyway, we went! And I'm so glad we did! We had a fabulous evening. Most of my Helsby girlfriends were there plus other halfs (with two exceptions - D & J, we really missed you both!!) plus other people we know from the village and it was just fun, and relaxing and cheering. We were able to put our anxieties to the back of our minds for a few hours and just enjoy ourselves. Thank you so much for inviting us, A!

It was nice to meet up with fellow blogger Clarkey who is a lovely person I've known for years (we have kids of similar ages) and who lives locally but somehow our paths seldom cross. I have just started reading her blog and it's uncanny how often we think the same things or feel the same way about stuff. Anyway, it was just really good to see her in the flesh, so to speak and have a real chat!

Yesterday was Father's Day which I think we all enjoyed. So the week was a mix of highs and lows. None of the problems are resolved in any way but we are all still alive and hopefully this week may be better!

I am so grateful for all the thoughtful comments and support I get from my blogfriends. You help me more than you know.

2009-06-17T22:43:00.002+01:00

It's been a funny week so far; I've been feeling a bit like staying in the house and never ever venturing out again - not very practical is it with a job and a family to look after!

I have often noticed that if I allow myself to feel happy and satisfied with myself and with life in general, something comes along and destroys that feeling. I suppose it's why I'm generally a pessimist - my theory being that if you always expect the worst you are never disappointed!

This week, two things have happened that have dented my confidence quite badly; both in myself as a person and in my abilities. In the latter I have at least had a lot of reassurance that I am not at really fault, but I still feel I have let people down especially someone who really trusted me to do a good job.

Here I am approaching fifty - fifty!! - and I'm still so often an insecure, unconfident mess of a person! I wonder if the day will ever come when I stop feeling like a work in progress? Will I ever stop caring SO MUCH what other people think of me?

I am also so worried about one of my daughters who is not having an easy time of late and yet is incredibly resiliant, brave and strong! I'm so proud of her but would give anything to be able to solve her problems and ease her pain...

I heard someone say today that it's not how you handle success that counts but how you handle failure. To be honest, I've felt pretty much that I've failed on several fronts this week but I'll try to handle it successfully - because, well, hibernation isn't really an option, is it?

2009-06-15T14:00:00.002+01:00

We are lucky enough to have a really great butchers in our neighbouring town of Frodsham. It's first port of call on barbecue days and as you can see by the sign, also the place you can get some wonderful pies. I have often been stopped by men in vans asking me "where's the place which sells the great pies?" They come from miles around! I was at Coward's last Monday taking a photo of the shop (not this one) for an exhibition on Frodsham which the photographic society are putting on.

I'm in the middle of watching "The Reader" DVD while doing the ironing. Not sure yet what I think about it! So far it's quite slow and Kate Winslett has been naked for most of the time. i am so glad I'm not married to an actor who has to do explicit love scenes!

2009-06-09T19:15:00.002+01:00

Two weddings on two successive Saturdays and the weather couldn't have been more different! This photo is from the wedding on May 30th which was brilliantly sunny and HOT the whole day, last Saturday's wedding was cold and wet the whole time!

Both types of weather create their own challenges; I think I actually found the very sunny day hardest as there was so much harsh sunlight paired with inky shadows - nightmarish exposure-wise. I learn something new every wedding I shoot and the fact that you never know what challenges the day will hold make it both rewarding and absolutely terrifying...!

2009-06-08T16:45:00.002+01:00

View from Top of the Rock, originally uploaded by xxxjuliexxx.

Our Tuesday in New York was supposed to be the day we met up with Dianne from Forks Off The Moment but sadly that was not to be - next time, I hope, Dianne! Instead we decided to go to the "Top of the Rock" and we really enjoyed it! It was very quiet compared to the Empire State Building and had great views. It's nice that they use perspex rather than wire mesh so the views are uninterrupted.

After we came down, we visited Magnolia Bakery for a delicious cupcake each - yum! We really enjoyed them. Afterwards we spotted two mounted police officers and went over to say hello and get a photo of Sian with them. We were surprised how small the horses are compared to the ones you see in the UK.

We went to Chelsea and the Empire Diner for lunch; Phil and I had been there on our last trip and really liked it and wanted to share it with the girls. After a short wait we got a table and our food was superb; it was probably my favourite meal of the trip!

After that we headed back to 5th Avenue and stopped off at Tiffany's. I wasn't intending to buy anything but on the 3rd Floor (Phil calls it the "cheap floor" as it's the only floor we ever buy anything on!) I was seduced by some lovely silver tiffany rings. I bought the girls one each and one for myself as a memento of our wonderful trip. In the elevator going down, the operator serendaded Kate with "It's now or never" in a beautiful voice, gazing straight into her eyes - I laughed so hard my FEET were sweating!!

We made a brief stop at FAO Schwarz so Sian could play on the big piano and then wandered up to Columbus Circle. We went into a Borders store there as Kate wanted to check out a friend's theory that Borders stores smell the same all over the world! There were some VERY interesting statues of a naked man and a naked woman in the foyer - hmmm!

That evening we went to City Field to see the Mets; it was a damp evening but we had a great time; despite poor Kate having to stand for what felt like hours in the queue for my nachos! The new stadium is very impressive and we didn't miss Shea stadium TOO much. i wonder if we should rename our cat Shea "City Field"? Maybe not...Anyway, the Mets won!

Our last day we had promised to dedicate to shopping; we headed first to Abercrombie & Fitch, Mecca for Kate. The store is quite an experience, very dark and full of staff who look like models and dance to the pounding music played continually. After Abercrombie we headed towards American Eagle stopping off for another Magnolia Cupcake & coffee; on the way I noticed a jeweller's selling Pandora stuff. Almost before I knew what was happening we had been sold a safety chain for my bracelet plus a charm to commemorate my visit - I chose a cupcake to symbolise Magnolia Bakery!

Kate shopped like mad at American Eagle; I sat in a chair while she piled stuff on top of me! Then it was time to head back to the Upper West Side where we had lunch at Cosi. We took the airport shuttle back to Newark and our trip was over. It was a wonderful holiday and I'll never forget it!

I miss New York!

2009-06-08T16:16:00.002+01:00

2009-06-02T11:01:00.003+01:00

The Monday of our trip, we decided to take the subway to Brooklynm and walk back over the Brooklyn Bridge. I have done this every visit to NYC and it has always been in hot sunny weather. It's such a great experience.

After the bridge we had a look at the supreme court buildings and then headed towards the Ground Zero site, stopping off at a pretty park with a fountain en route.We visited a wonderful exhibition at St Paul's Chapel - "the little church that stood" on our way to Ground Zero. Located directly across from the World Trade Center site, St. Paul's Chapel, an Episcopal church, was home to an extraordinary eight-month volunteer relief effort after the terrorist attacks of September 11th, 2001. Unwavering Spirit, a new interactive exhibit, honors that ministry and its legacy of love and compassion. I know that we were all terribly moved by this exhibition. It brought home to me that although the terrorist actions that day destroyed lives, broke hearts and changed the face of the world for ever, it did not destroy the human spirit or the essential goodness inside people. I felt very humbled and also very hopeful for the future of humanity.

It was broiling hot and I felt very sorry for the workmen toiling away on the new Freedom Tower site. We went on to the cool of the Winter Garden, a place we'd never seen before, and found a nice sandwich shop called Cosi for lunch. I wish we had the Cosi chain in the UK! Outside the Winter Garden is a lovely riverfront plaza. we then took a look around the Financial District; sadly the brass bull was surrounded by crowds so we couldn't take photos of the girls next to it.

We then took a train to 59th Street and got the Roosevelt Tramway over to Roosevelt Island; another first for us. I really enjoyed the trip but the heat was just too much to explore the island so after a brief rest we got the tram back. Sian wanted to see the Guggenheim so we found a bench just across from it and sat for a while in the shade. A very unfriendly security guard sat right in the middle of the bench while we perched awkwardly on one end - there were no other free benches and we were all hot and exhausted otherwise I would have moved! Whilst there I took a series of shots of the museum that I'm quite happy with! We had ice-creams and decided to walk back to the hotel through the park.

After showers and changing clothes we went to an Italian restaurant called Coppola's for dinner - the food was great and the service really friendly. we then went to Times Square. They have only just started to pedestrianise it and it is cordoned off witrh cones. It is such a fun place; full of colour and life although very brash! We visited the M&M's store and Sian bought an umbrella! I have noticed that in US stores they have started saying "Next guest" instead of "next customer" - I don't know why, it seems overly polite to me!

Then it was home to bed!

2009-06-01T12:48:00.002+01:00

Our first two days in New York...

We flew with Continental Airways from Manchester and they were great; flight took off on time, crew were friendly and food not too terrible! We arrived at Newark to find it very hot & sunny at midday and got a cab to our hotel, the Beacon, on the Upper West Side. Just opposite was a fantastic market, the Fairway, an absolute paradise of grocery items. After quickly dumping our bags and shedding some clothes we went down the block to the subway station to buy our 7 day Metro cards; then it was off to Greenwich Vilage. We wandered through the streets and admired the houses and shops, stopped off in Washington Square for some water and the girls' first ever pretzel; then walked up 5th Avenue. I was intrigued to see an open-mouthed lion statue on the back of a truck, next to a wicker baby carriage!

We had a little wander in the park before heading back towards our hotel, stopping off for dinner at the "City Grill" on the way. We picked up some breakfast items at the market before turning in for the night.

The next morning was very hot and sunny and we walked to Central Park, passing the Dakota building. We saw John Lennon's memorial mosaic in the park as we entered. On a beautiful bridge over a lake I noticed a couple getting engaged; I was just too late with my camera to catch him down on one knee- it would have been nice to email them the photo!

Central Park was full of characters that day - a young guy doing yoga, roller skaters dancing to the music in their ears from Ipods, two young boxers sparring, even a wedding couple plus photographer! We saw another guy in a yellow robe doing very odd moves but a passer-by told us he was "there every Sunday; he's just attention-seeking!" While we were admiring Belvedere Castle across the lake, a guitarist entertained us with his beautiful playing - he wsn't busking, just enjoying himself under the willow trees on a beautiful day.

After leaving the park we had an unsuccessful hunt for the Broadway Diner, where Phil and I had eaten on our three previous trips. By then it was sweltering so we ducked into Grand Central station - one of my favourite New York spaces. We found some nice food there including great cupcakes. We passed Bryant Park behind the NY public library and I was interested to see they have racks of books for loan in the park - how civilised and how trusting! Refreshed, we took the subway downtown and the Staten Island Ferry. It was looking very stormy by then but although it rained in Staten Island by the time we got back to Manhattan it was obvious the rain hadn't travelled that far.

After a quick look at the statue representing (ironically!) world peace, which used to stand in the plaza of the WTC but was placed, battered but not destroyed, in Battery Park after 9/11 and now has an eternal flame lit before it, we got back on the subway. We had a Mexican meal in Caliente (Greenwich Village) with wonderful freshly-made guacamole, then went to the Empire State Building. Then we queued. And we queued...and we queued! It has never taken so long to reach the observation deck but we enjoyed the spectacular views before returning to the hotel and BED!

2009-05-31T14:50:00.002+01:00

On 5th Avenue

There is always the fear when I go back to NYC that I won't like it any more. On our first trip I was really nervous, as Phil doesn't like cities much and it was MY life-long dream to visit New York. The drive from the airport was NOT inspiring and even when we reached Manhattan, it seemed hot, dirty and over-crowded. I had this awful feeling is disillusionment. Suddenly Phil nudged me and pointed. I craned my neck and saw the Chrysler Building gleaming silver against a blue sky and that was it - I was in love.

Subsequent visits to the city have only deepened my love and affection for the place. Yes, it is dirty and hot (or at least it always has been on our visits) and hugely crowded; it is always in a state of flux with construction going on constantly; parts of it are tacky while others classically beautiful - I don't know why, I just love it all and I feel so at home there.

One of my favourite things in the city is the subway. I will miss the subway. It's clean, safe and efficient and the best place for people watching..... and so cheap, too! I love the blasts of hot air that swirl around the underground caverns, the battered wooden seating, the mosaics in the tiled walls.

Today's photo was taken on 5th Avenue on our first day (last Saturday). We'd taken the subway to Greenwich Village and then walked back up 5th Avenue to Central Park.

2009-05-29T21:28:00.002+01:00

Happy Birthday to Kate!

Kate is 16 today. Here is a photo of her in Grand Central Station, New York. One of my favourite places and it was such a joy to share it with Kate and Sian.

Thank you, Kate, for being such a wonderful blessing in my life for 16 years! I love you very much.

2009-05-22T19:09:00.002+01:00

This was forwarded to me today and I really liked it. Tomorrow we are off to NYC and I'm really hoping to meet a very special blog friend while I'm there!

Philosophy of Relationships

2009-05-19T22:23:00.002+01:00

Top of the class!

I am very pleased to report that Sian got top marks in her French exam! She's very chuffed with herself and I am very proud of her! This photo was taken at the U-Boat Exhibit at Woodside and the strange background is a plan of the u-boat. I'm kicking myself for not using a bit of fill in flash on this pic..

What a day! Work was pretty busy and since I got home I made a cake and cut the lawn and did some other gardening as well as ironing, dish washing and general tidying. I have so much to do before New York and am not at all sure how I'm going to get through it all. My bloody arm is aching like crazy (don't think it liked me using the lawnmower or the strimmer!) and stupidly I forgot to get my new prescription filled. At least the doctor did not fob me off with "it's probably a virus" or "are you depressed?" He has suggested I try new anti-inflammatories for a month and see how things go! Hurray! About twelve years since I first went to a doctor with joint pains and this is the very first time I've been offered any actual treatment.

I am so excited to see my veggies are growing! Tonight I planted a few spring onions. The first crop of salad leaves are almost ready to cut :) I can't wait to see the runner beans climb up my carefully constructed bamboo teepee!

I am going to meet the couple whose wedding I'm photographing on June 6th tomorrow night. I hope they like me.

I am quite looking forward to the plane journey to NYC as I get to sit and relax for seven hours which will be quite a treat. We have made an Excel spreadsheet (geeky, hey?) of places to go/things to do/times and days to do them on. It will be weird flying into Newark as we've always come via JFK before. I am so excited to be returning to New York. Right from my very first visit, it's felt like home, maybe because it reminds me a lot of Liverpool. It's the first time I'll be looking at it through my camera lens, however.

One of my favourite memories of New York is from my last visit. We were staying in an apartment on MAdison Avenue. On our last morning we emerged to find a seven-foot tall blue inflatable gorrilla tethered just outside the entrance. There was nothing to indicate why it was there. The street was crowded with people heading off to work. What made me laugh was that non of the commuters even glanced at the gorilla as they hurried past. It was as if seven foot plastic gorrillas on the sidewalk were nothing unusual for them, or they were just too cool to acknowledge it!

2009-05-16T13:25:00.002+01:00

Bluebell woods

The weather we've had this spring has produced a really great display of bluebells and the other day Phil and I went to a renowned bluebell wood for a walk. There is an art to great bluebell photography which i don't really understand but I did take a couple of snaps to remind me of the lovely time we had.

I have been through a real low spell but am emerging again, thank God. I have to keep telling myself that when things are bad, those awful feelings will pass eventually.

I know Phil finds my negativity hard to live with! I always think the worst and I expect it's a protective measure so I don't get disappointed!

Hopefully, this time next week we'll be in a plane heading for NYC. I'm really looking forward to seeing my favourite city again and showing it to the girls. We are staying in a new location, at the Hotel Beacon in the Upper West Side. This will be our longest stay ever in the Big Apple. I can't wait!

So much to do this week, both at home and at work before we go.

We tried a new print lab this week, we are pleased with the results. Phil got one of my fave pics from the last wedding done, it looked lovely. I am so lucky to be able to do wedding photography. It's an incredible experience.

My bloody elbow is still crippling me so i'd better get off the computer...

2009-05-11T11:03:00.004+01:00

"I'm lovin' it"

We went to Liverpool on 2nd May to celebrate Phil's birthday; walking along a street near Exchange flags Phil and I suddenly noticed this very determined seagull with his MacDonald's bag. He kept pausing to try to get inside it and shortly after this photo was taken he managed to get the fries to spill out and he started tucking in! Maybe he could replace that awful clown Ronald as the face of MacDonald's, I think he has much more charisma.

I'm a very fed up person today as I've just been screamed at by one of my (not immediate) neighbours. My crime was to have the huge hawethorn hedge in my back garden trimmed. Apparently I have cut down all the little birds' nests! This was screamed at me out of a bedroom window, along with "I'm ringing the RSPB". In my defence I'd like to say that only around 3 feet of long straggling growth was removed from the top of my VERY TALL hedge and one end has been allowed to grow to tree height, I can see clearly into the top of my hedge from my bedroom window and the birds never nest at the top but somewhat lower down in the really thick growth that is STILL THERE! The man who trims my hedge told me if he saw a nest he would stop cutting at once.

I feel like I can't win. I have been told by other neighbours that I should get rid of the hedge and replace it with a neat fence. Last time I had it trimmed some other people got angry because a few clippings had fallen into their garden unbeknownst to me and instead of letting me know in a reasonable way I was shrieked at and the clippings hurled over into my garden! One of the reasons I keep my hedge is I know it's important for the local bird life.

Why do people behave like this? In our road we have dogs barking first thing in the morning and last thing at night, security lights that flood our bedrooms with light bright enough to read by whenever a prowling cat or fox sets them off, car parking that is inconvenient to say the least - but I don't go round screaming at people because I believe that minor inconveniences are not worth falling out with people about. If something does really annoy me I'll go and have a quiet word.

We do our best to be considerate and tolerant people. I'm starting to think we are in the minority. Lately it seems that so many people are always on the brink of anger. Their first impulse is to go for the (metaphorical) jugular! i see this a lot at work and I work in a library, for heaven's sake - what must it be like to be a social worker, ER nurse etc?

So this beautiful, sunny morning has been wrecked for me; I've had horrible, sick, churning feelings in my stomach because I hate confrontations and I'll admit it, I HATE being yelled at. I don't want to see this person again but it's a neighbour; unless I stop going out I'm bound to bump into them.

I found this link on a friend's blog and it went a long way towards rescuing me from conflict-induced gloom! It's a beautiful song/video, I urge anyone who reads this to take a look.

2009-05-05T17:41:00.002+01:00

We have been working really hard on the new website for Julie Mann Photography,
adding more images and creating slideshows in the individual galleries - Phil has been such a star over this. Please have a look if you get the chance as I'd welcome any feedback.

Now that I know A & V liked their photos I can enjoy editing them at my leisure. I've just had a quick look throughsome now and saw this candid shot which I grabbed as V was about to go downstairs. I love veils; they seem to be coming back into vogue for brides again and I'm all in favour as they make for such romantic images.

I am so obsessed with wedding photography; it dominates everything! I just hope potential clients are attracted by the new website. Apparently Cheshire and London are the two areas in the UK with the highest number of wedding photographers - worst luck! So much competition...

i'm out tonight with an old friend and I'm really looking forward to seeing her. It's been too long..

I now have TWO sore fingers; I was out in the garden on Monday afternoon, in the rain, trying to construct a teepee out of bamboo canes for my runner beans and I got a huge splinter in my left index finger - how clumsy am I??? It was such a pointless exercise as my beans are at least three weeks away from braving the great outdoors and I only had five canes when I need six..just one of my stupid impulses!

2009-05-03T23:40:00.000+01:00

I'm in severe pain, from...a broken fingernail! Yes, it's true. Today while trying to undo a stiff bridle, I ripped off over half of my right index finger nail. It poured with blood and made me feel sick! Even now, covered with two plasters, it's throbbing like crazy. i never realised how important this digit was in every day life until now!

Apart from that we've had a nice weekend. Phil's mum is out of hospital and recovering well at home. Phil enjoyed his birthday on Saturday, I think, we went to the U-Boat exhibit at Woodside and then for a trip on the Mersey Ferries. A brief stop in Liverpool at Pret a Manger was enlivened by a fire alarm which necessitated an evacuation of the building and the arrival of some nice firemen! Why DO I like firemen so much? i think it's the whole idea of being rescued that does it!

It seems as if the swine flu crisis has peaked in Mexico. I'm still concerned. Apparently the 1918 flu pandemic also started with a mild outbreak in the spring, only to return with devestating effect in the autumn. I want this not to happen again!

2009-04-28T23:40:00.004+01:00

Little blue flowers...

Very suitable as I'm feeling a little blue myself!

Today started off really well with a cuddle in bed from my cat Shea and a walk with J and Buster. then it was home for lunch and off to RDA. Then it all went a bit pear-shaped...! I'm not going into details but it felt a bit like the last straw after the past few months.

On the bright side, I had a text from Phil that my mum in law is being released from hospital tomorrow which is great news and my redesigned website is up and running...Julie Mann Photography - after several days off line as everything got transferred.

I still need to upload some more images to it as well as process the several hundred from the wedding we did on Easter Saturday. We have a couple coming to see us on Sunday about a booking for January next year - the guy sounds really nice and I'm looking forward to meeting them but I gather they are seeing several photographers and somehow I don't expect to get the booking.

Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary - 21 years; hard to believe!

Funny to think that I started this blog because I was so worried about bird flu I was almost driving myself demented! And now we are facing the threat of swine flu! I am surprising myself by NOT descending into total panic yet but I am rather anxiously checking the news for developments. I'm not worried for me but for the girls...that's being a parent for you, I guess.

We have no idea what will happen about our trip to New York City at the end of May...just a case of wait and see what develops, I suppose.

2009-04-28T23:37:00.001+01:00

Monkey puzzle...

My mother in law has come through her knee replacement operation ok, although she's in a lot of pain. We are all very relieved! I've not had much time for blogging as we've been visiting most evenings. Thanks everyone for your prayers and positive thoughts!

2009-04-21T21:36:00.002+01:00

Feeling spikey...

I found this meme on Scriptor Senex's blog
If you decide to do it, let me know so I can see your answers :)

What is your current obsession?
Photography, especially wedding photography. I think about it most of the time and I even have dreams/nightmares about it too!

Good coffee place?
I'm a big Costa fan.

Do you nap a lot?
Not at all.

Who was the last person you hugged?
My daughter Sian.

What’s for dinner?
We had Aberdeen Angus burgers, onions and mushrooms!

What are you listening to right now?
The gentle hum of the computer.

What is your favourite weather?
Sunny and bright with a cool breeze.

What’s on your bedside table?
Alarm clock, tissues, coaster, Dobbin (stuffed toy from my baby days), two small teddies, bedside light, lip balm and one of Sian's teeth.

Say something to the person/s who tagged you.
I wasn't tagged, I pinched this from another blog!

If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be?
The Lake District

What is the last song you listened to?
Flightless bird/American mouth by Iron & Wine (am obsessed with this song right now!)

Favourite vacation spot?
The Lake District in Britain, California in the US.

Name the things you can’t live without. .
My family, my camera, my computer, my cats, books, music, my garden.

What were the happiest two years of your life?
My first year of marriage to Phil and ......hopefully I still have some happiness to come!

What would you like to get rid of?
Negative emotions and self-doubt

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
My friend Anisa's kitchen in Petaluma, CA.

What did you want to become as a child?
A nurse, then a journalist.

What do you miss?
My mum and dad and my beloved friend Karen - and my dog Charlie.

What are you reading right now?
Two books on growing vegetables and "The Return" by Victoria Hislop (this month's reading group choice)

What do you fear the most?
Losing loved ones.

What designer piece of clothing would you most like to own (new or vintage)?
A pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes

What did you last watch on television?
Casualty.

If you’d like to do the meme, here’s how it works.
1. Answer the questions on your blog, replace one question you dislike with a question of your own invention; add a question of your own.
1. You may tag others or leave it open to anyone who feels like giving it a go.

2009-04-19T22:32:00.000+01:00

Easter cactus

I have been feeling exceedingly negative lately and have stayed away from my blog as I was reluctant to put my feelings into words on the screen!

Things aren't bad - it's just that sometimes there is a very small difference between things being really great and things being NOT great. How can I explain...if only I could just make a few very minor tweaks I'd be really happy instead of hovering on the edge of gloom!

What I try to do when negativity strikes is count my blessings and of course I realise I am VERY blessed!

I am absolutely overwhelmed by the beautiful spring weather we've been enjoying lately; the countryside is breathtaking and even my own garden is bursting forth in satisfactory fashion.

This eveningI planted some onion sets.

My dear mother in law is due to have major surgery on Thursday. This is a risky process because of certain medical issues she has. I love her to bits; since my own mum died she's been the most wonderful friend, adviser and mother-figure anyone could wish for. Please send her your prayers and positive thoughts this week if you can - she is such a brave and special woman.

2009-04-09T22:27:00.002+01:00

Happy Easter to all my blog friends!

We are off to the Ripon area tomorrow as we are photographing a wedding on Easter Saturday. We're staying overnight. As usual I'm really nervous! I'm hoping the weather is kind to us as the forecast is ...well...lively I guess you'd call it! Wish us luck!

Hope everyone has a wonderful Easter.