A Public Defender's Life in Alaska

2009-07-09T00:02:00.005-08:00

So, it was about 75 degrees when we left for Tustumena Lake. God I love that place. We just screwed around and lost track of time with a sun that never really set. We drank beer and made a fire that was an affront to God himself it was so big. A nice 'break' from dipnetting. I know I don't have many evenings left before I start working every night on my murder trial. Doing a trial in the summer is hard. Especially this summer, which has been one of the nicest ever. Ever. I had a weird thought this morning. I was actually looking forward to the dark. -30. Because then I will go to bed before 1 am and sleep and sleep. On Friday the Kenai river opens for dipnetting and that will start a frenzy of fish catching, cleaning, smoking and canning. I am already getting tired.

2009-07-05T22:07:00.004-08:00

So, the State has denied Kadee's informal PFD appeal. Very, very nice. It is impossible to get to the Supreme Court of the United States if the administrative monkeys don't keep screwing up! Hell if the State needs that $3269 more than we do, they can fight like hell to keep it. On to the next stage, the formal appeal. Every US citizen has the same rights as every other US citizen. Pretty simple right? As anticipated I had a quiet weekend. I did take the Rhino out to Gray Cliffs yesterday and drove 20 miles or so up the beach. Of course, I had to scavenge what I could. I could hear G's (or is it G2 or G3 now?)voice calling me 'cockroach' as I stopped for every treasure. My favorite cabin in all of Alaska is up that beach. It is perched just so. It strikes me as a place where I would just sleep and sleep. J has some sort of tooth infection and is miserable. Too bad because this weekend was simply stunning. It must have been in the high 70's. I got a lot of things done around here, including selling the old Subaru. I went dipnetting tonight and the beach was crowded. Everyone was having fun and catching fish. The season on the Kenai opens friday so I am taking J and the girls dipnetting off the boat. I hope J catches her first salmon. Back to work tomorrow. It will be hard after such a beautiful weekend.

2009-07-02T18:56:00.004-08:00

So happy birthday to me. Although there is nothing "special" about being 36, I must admit being a little sad the last few days. I think it started when I was doing some investigation for a case in a cemetery. It struck me how fleeting life is and how quickly we all will be forgotten. Maybe our children will visit our grave. Maybe our grandchildren. Then we are gone. I am another year older. To cheer up, I left work and went dipnetting by myself. Got three very nice fish. 6 nice meals for us. The chickens get the spines. The hogs get the heads and guts. Everyone is fed. A lazy night for me. Will deal with the fish, some beer I made and just hang out. A long weekend for the Fourth of July but the many people in the office are gone, so a quiet weekend too. Have a good holiday.

2009-06-28T22:57:00.004-08:00

So, I rounded out the weekend focused on food. Funny that. It seems that gathering/growing food, getting firewood or making booze consume most of the short Alaska summer for me. I took the interns clamming on Saturday. I didn't personally check the tide book so we missed most of the tide but we still got enough for a nice chowder. Plus, it was just a beautiful day. Then we came back and spent 5 hours making
sausages. Yes, yes, the jokes will be hilarious I am sure. I must say the interns are really getting into this stuff. Not only are they coming up with their own ideas but they don't mind cutting wood, killing animals, making booze and all the rest of it. I am glad they are here.

2009-06-27T02:05:00.007-08:00

So, Kasilof River dipnetting. As I have said before, but for dipnetting and road kill, I would not take much of Alaska's bounty. A few hours of standing in the river netted 3 fish tonight. That is ok...there will be many more. Besides, the view was amazing.
Afterwards we went to the Tustumena Lodge to have a drink and enjoy the fire. The best part was that I was covered in blood. No one batted an eye. Will that be fries with that sir or a salad? At the end of the night we sat around Jesse's and had a beer. The view of Mt. Redoubt from his porch is amazing. The only thing that made me at all sad is that summer is now half over. Damnit. Well that, and I only have 3 fish. I will miss getting home at 2 am and cutting fish with interns.

2009-06-21T17:19:00.009-08:00

So, I am truly the world's worst fisherman. I went where I was told the fish were. I had the right bait. The right gear. Yet this weekend's trip produced not one halibut. Damnit. On the upside the boat ran like a champ. It did suck up a lot of fuel but it was carrying 5 guys and our gear. I went 25 MPH everywhere we went. Divided by 5 it wasn't bad. I also got to explore more of Kachemak Bay, a simply stunning part of the world. We camped last night in Sadie Cove. We explored some of it but we were aware we were low on fuel. Today I put 54 gallons into my 50 gallon tanks! Close. We pulled into Seldovia and had a beer so I got to see that town too. We took Jesse's little Zodiac and anchored the boat off shore. We rowed back and forth all night, catching Dolly Vardens and enjoying a beautiful night. The smart ones slept on the boat...it poured last night and I woke up to enough water in the tent that my shotgun was submerged. It was my own fault...you always prepare for bad weather in Alaska and I left the tarps behind. I was a little sad last night realizing that the days are now about to start getting shorter. Winter is coming back and I am not ready. I am going through my summer 2009 list pretty good but there are still a lot of things on it, especially with my murder trial starting in mid August. Happy Father's day. I need to clean the boat and gear and then enjoy the family...

2009-06-17T21:40:00.002-08:00

So, we have a sick pig. It is funny how much you can care about the welfare of an animal destined for the table. I thought he might have something in his mouth so everyone came over to help hold him while I looked. Nothing. He appears to be dying and I don't know what to do. There is one large animal vet on the Kenai Peninsula and he is being called in tomorrow. Hold on little pig! P.S. Yet again the Interns will have some unique stories to take back. Helping to hold a sick pig in exchange for some salmon burgers.

2009-06-13T17:05:00.007-08:00

So, today we put away 36 chickens. Cornish Cross are amazing birds. 8 weeks from egg to freezer. As usual, nothing was wasted. The birds are in the freezer, the feathers and heads are going to the worms and the pigs ate the boiled heads and feet. It was another stunningly beautifulday in this part of Alaska. The group is not doing much this weekend..we are all pretty tired from all the activities going on lately. Not to mention that I have been working hard on the murder case I am taking to trial. I really, really wish I could talk about it because it is the most fascinating piece of legal work I have done. All I will say is that it is a cold case murder and the State got the wrong guy. That's right, I don't think my client did it. Doing a First Degree Murder trial with a client who didn't do it is the absolutely highest level of criminal work. I am profoundly honored to do it. Needless to say I will be working a lot of nights and weekends this summer. I had better get some fishing in soon. Tonight, people are coming back after they clean up and we are roasting a chicken on a spit. It is amazing outside.........

P.S. This is how it looked. Delicious.

2009-06-09T22:43:00.004-08:00

So rabbit day. I write this not to revel in the killing, which was unpleasant(although I am certain there will be those who refuse to believe that). I write to remind all of us who eat meat that we have a responsibility to ensure the animals we eat do not suffer in life or death. We put 17 rabbits in the freezer tonight. Some say it is unnecessary. J, for example, is pissed at me right now. But, most of the complaints will be hypocritical. Those who shovel burgers into their face will take the time to write about what a bastard I am. Fine. But I can rest easy. These animals did not suffer in life or death. We have pounds of organic meat in the freezer. Nothing was wasted. The meat is for us. The hides are being salted and will be tanned this winter. The rest were boiled over a fire and fed to the hogs. Free protein. It is unpleasant but I do not feel removed from my food. I am not allowing the animals I eat to suffer, even if it costs me time and money. So. Rabbit day. Many thanks to the interns who helped me...you made an intolerable job manageable. I will make the rabbit stew on Thursday when we make beer.

2009-06-07T14:33:00.006-08:00

So, camping up Palmer Creek Road near Hope. I never knew this place existed until yesterday but it is the most amazing place to go 'car' camping. It helps that we are having near record high weather this weekend. It is simply amazing outside. The best part of the trip was taking a walk by myself last night. I walked and walked in the midnight sun. The only sounds were the creek, songbirds and the whistle of a far off marmot. I found some old mining equipment and just really enjoyed being by myself. Truly by myself. That is something that only Alaska can provide.

In any event, now that I know that place is there I intend to take the girls and go back. I almost hate to say where I was camping because it is simply so spectacular. As usual, people will only ruin it. P.S. G, when you get here, we ARE camping here.

2009-06-04T00:05:00.004-08:00

So, interns. Three of the little bastards. Some think of interns as useful only for writing motions and keeping the DA's busy for the summer. While I applaud the traditional uses of interns, I have other ideas. Like getting them to split next years wood. Next tuesday we have 17 rabbits to put in the freezer. Soon there are 40 or so chickens to do. The list goes on. And to think of all those interns in places other than Kenai Alaska. Getting lunch for the boss and such. Ha! Get to work bitches!

2009-05-31T19:21:00.005-08:00

So, today we took the boat out to Kenai Lake. She ran like a champ, except I figured out at the end of the trip that I wasn't running her hard enough. Good trip. Didn't see any wildlife but did get to hike up a snowpack and check out a waterfall. Otherwise it was standard: we drank beer, cooked pork sausage over a fire and enjoyed a summer day. It is only May but summer is 25% over, and that is if we are lucky.

2009-05-30T23:09:00.002-08:00

So, here is a real picture of the baby and mama moose that was outside my office yesterday. Of course, I got into trouble for commenting on how good it would taste stuffed with rosemary and garlic. Soon, little man. Soon.

2009-05-26T20:40:00.011-08:00

So, I just got home from a vacation in the city of my birth, Victoria BC. I had forgotten how warm and green it was there. I must admit that I am still feeling a little homesick as I sit here. It was great to see the country and see so many of the people that I care about. The trip started with a negative experience with Canada Customs. The officer actually had the nerve to ask me how long I would be staying. When I said "as long as I want", I was throughly searched. The officer going through my bag found a business card and asked "why do you need a public defender". Jackass. I knew I was fine and I wasn't going to let them ask me that question! I am Canadian, damnit. The funny thing is that the Americans didn't do much other than wave me through. The first full day there I went with my brother and his kids and we did a zip line and tree course in Nanaimo (see http://www.wildplayparks.com/index-nanaimo.php). I thought it would be for kids but it kicked my ass.

At one point Jeremy said "I would like to meet the sadistic bastard who designed this course and punch him in the face." Made me laugh. At one point I was yelling "this is bullshit, this is bullshit". The zip line was fun though, especially the one over the Nanaimo river. We also got to go to Long Beach up near Tofino. Jeremy rented a Mustang convertible and we drove up there at about 80 MPH. That is a truly amazing part of the world. We got to see huge trees and bears as well as walk on the amazing beaches.
Other than that, the highlights were climbing Mt. Finlayson (a feat I once managed to do in my old Toyota Landcruiser) and Mt. Doug. The trip was not long enough and there were people I did not see. Some of those I saw, I did not see long enough. I got to play crib with my 99 year old great aunt and watch her throughly destroy me. I went to UVIC law and looked around. It made me sad to realize that 10 years have gone by since I left there. 10 friggen years. All in all I would say the trip left me a little melancholy. It was a great trip, the food was great, the weather was great, the car fast and the company world class. I guess it made me sad to realize all the people I left behind. There was a part of me that wanted to come home to Alaska and pack up and move back. It will be my only trip Outside this year. Back to summer in Alaska. Back to my life....... P.S. we lost another dog this weekend. I guess Zari got into a porcupine again. It cost me $600 last time. I guess this time she was hurt bad. I had to have a friend come over and put her down. Damnit.

2009-05-18T22:35:00.004-08:00

So, Alaska wants to pass a law exempting certain firearms from federal regulation. The Alaska Firearms Freedom Act (HB 186 and SB 146) would mean that 'made in Alaska' firearms would not be subject to federal regulation. There would be certain requirements, like a "Made in Alaska" stamp. The big issue, of course, is whether it is constitutional. The Legislature is relying on the Tenth Amendment to the Constitution of the
United States. This Amendment guarantees to the states and their people all powers not granted to the federal government elsewhere in the constitution. The new law would provide that "
A personal firearm, a firearm accessory, or ammunition that is manufactured commercially or privately in this state and that remains in the state is not subject to federal law or federal regulation, including registration, under the authority of the United States Congress to regulate interstate commerce as those items have not traveled in interstate commerce." Now, obviously, I think this is a great law. The more guns the better. However, I am not sure the Supreme Court will buy it, even after Heller. The most basic problem is that even in the finished product was not the product of interstate commerce, all of the component parts were. I mean how many steel plants are there in Alaska? The Supreme Court has interpreted the Interstate Commerce clause broadly. I hear the idea is to get these laws to the Supreme Court as soon as possible. This law has already been enacted in Montana and I understand Texas is following suit. How cool would that be? Machine guns for everyone! Power to the People.

2009-05-17T16:33:00.012-08:00

So, Kachemak Bay State Park! It was my first time over there. We camped in Halibut Cove. Going over, the seas got to about 3 feet, which was 'fun' in a skiff. I was a little nervous until I remembered that I was born on an Island. Many of my ancesters were Navy men. I have a great picture in my living room of my grandfather in a British Navy uniform where the hat says "HMS Revenge". After I remembered that picture I enjoyed the salt spray on my face. We didn't see much wildlife except a pair of mating sea otters. Otherwise it was a great trip. One of our three new summer interns came along. We will see if they can live up to Josh...big shoes to fill, my friend. On the way back today (and 6 miles from the dock), the outboard crapped out. We got it going but it made me feel a little better about my boat...no machine is infallible. I tested my boat on Sports Lake and it is almost ready to go except for one minor leak. Today is amazing, so I am going to stop typing and get outside. I will try and type again before I go home. Ah, Victoria. I am excited to be going home again. Well, Alaska is home. I mean look at this place! P.S. For those of you who know the work of Roy Henry Vickers, a Vancouver Island artist who is my absolute favorite, doesn't that first picture look like one of his paintings?

2009-05-14T21:23:00.003-08:00

So, I just want to say that food production is in full swing. The greenhouse is up. All of the garden crops that need to be started instead of being directly sowed are planted. The potato patch is tilled and the ground is being heated up with clear plastic. For some reason, Alaska is the only place on earth where black plastic does not work to heat the ground. I have 17 baby rabbits that will go in the freezer in about a month. The chickens and pigs are doing great. The hens are laying about 4 or 5 eggs a day. I even got a couple turkeys for Thanksgiving. I have cut next winters wood. Now it is time to plant the garden, go after halibut and maybe even a nice spring black bear. Soon it will time to setnet and then dipnet. The pipes in the brewery finally thawed (geez it has been a long 9 months) so it is time to make a bunch of beer. Winter will be back soon. Now all I need to do is get the boat fixed and everything will seem right. The weather has been amazing for the most part. Summer is only about 20 weeks so it is already 10% over. This weekend I am going camping at Kachemak Bay State Park, one of Alaska's least visited parks (see http://dnr.alaska.gov/parks/units/kbay/kbay.htm). I think that area of Alaska is one of the most beautiful in the whole state so stay tuned.

2009-05-12T20:45:00.003-08:00

So, let’s talk about domestic violence in Alaska . Apparently, Alaska is simply awash in violence. We are all going to be burned in our beds tonight. The Supreme Court just used domestic violence as an excuse to gut our right to be free from unreasonable search and seizure. Some make the claim that there is more domestic violence in Alaska than any other State. Really? The state with the 3rd smallest population, has more domestic violence than any other place in this country. Is it that Alaskans are beating the hell out of each other OR is it that the law here is so broad that ‘domestic violence’ is all encompassing. Well take this little quiz. Don’t worry, it is true or false.

1. You have a few beers too many and decide you need cigarettes. You take the girlfriend’s car out. On the way home you damage the car. No one is injured. The girlfriend is in the house and doesn’t even see the damage being done. You just committed an act of ‘domestic violence’. (Comes from MY case of State v. Redmon, March 25, 2009)
2. An elderly uncle comes to visit his favorite nephew and, while lighting his pipe, recklessly scorches a table cloth or a chair, the old man has just committed an act of “domestic violence”. Comes from Bingaman v. State 76 P.3d 398 Alaska App., 2003.
3. A group of former college roommates decide to hold a twenty-year reunion at one of their homes, and one of the visiting former roommates gets drunk and recklessly jams his friend's CD player while trying to insert a CD into it, has this roommate just committed an act of “domestic violence”? Comes from Bingaman v. State 76 P.3d 398 Alaska App., 2003.

The answer is ‘true’ to all of these questions! The examples could go on and on and on. But here are some facts: in Alaska you do NOT need to physically violent to commit ‘domestic violence’. Oh no. Under AS 11.41.230 (3), assault can be committed “by words” alone if you “recklessly” place another person in fear of imminent physical injury. Be careful here…do NOT assume that an overt threat is necessary. It is not. Simply scaring someone is enough. Another fact is that the ‘victim’ need not even be present. Imagine this scenario. A step-sister you have not seen in 20 years calls you in Alaska from Florida . She tells you that she has squandered your entire inheritance on crack. In a rage you break a figurine that you know used to belong to her. You just committed an act of ‘domestic violence’ in Alaska (criminal mischief). The list of crimes that involve ‘domestic violence’ is significant. According to AS 18.66.990(3), the term “domestic violence” includes any of the following crimes (and attempts to commit any of the following crimes) when committed by one household member against another: any crime against the person under AS 11.41; burglary, criminal trespass, arson or criminally negligent burning, criminal mischief, terroristic threatening, violating a domestic violence [restraining] order and harassment. Likewise, under AS 18.66.990(5), the term “household member” includes: (A) adults or minors who are current or former spouses; (B) adults or minors who live together or who have lived together; (C) adults or minors who are dating or who have dated; (D) adults or minors who are engaged in or who have engaged in a sexual relationship; (E) adults or minors who are related to each other up to the fourth degree of consanguinity, whether of the whole or half blood or by adoption, computed under the rules of civil law; (F) adults or minors who are related or formerly related by marriage; (G) persons who have a child of [their] relationship; and (H) minor children of a person in a relationship that is described in [subparagraphs] (A)-(G)[.]
So, what does all this mean? It means that the Department of Law can demand more prosecutors. The Department of Public Safety can demand more cops. Prosecutors, judges and politicians can tell us in a soothing voice that if we surrender just a little more of our liberty, we will be safer. By making the definition of ‘domestic violence’ include many crimes against many people, Alaska can claim to have the highest rate of domestic violence in the country. Bullshit. I see no more REAL domestic violence here than I did when I practiced in California or British Columbia . But the incredibly sad thing is that the demand to surrender ever more liberty will be 100% successful. It always is. There will be more cops, more prosecutors and more prisons to keep us from all getting killed by a distant cousin or something. Now don’t get me wrong. Whether or not these acts should be illegal is not the question. The real question is whether they are acts of ‘domestic violence’. DV crimes have some horrendous collateral consequences. Some of those include a heinously expensive (and year long) “Batterer’s Intervention Program”. Under federal law those convicted of domestic violence crimes can never own firearms or ammunition again. Those serving jail time are not eligible for alternative sentencing. There are increased sentences for subsequent crimes. The list goes on. But the whole thing is a scam. Alaska ’s “ridiculously high’ rate of domestic violence is simply a matter of definition. And that definition is designed to give the Government ever more power over the people. Those of us who 'resist' will be labeled as uncaring or worse yet as sympathizers. Maybe we are even perps ourselves simply because we don't want the police in our lives! The fact is the Court in Miller bought it hook, line and sinker. Be careful who you argue with out there people. In Alaska you can commit ‘domestic violence’ by having an argument. How incredibly sad.

2009-05-10T20:24:00.005-08:00

So, another great weekend here in this part of Alaska. Not as warm as last weekend but still beautiful. Or, as Kadee says, a 'nice sunny day'. We got the garden tilled and the rows made. The worms we have been feeding all winter went in too. For those of you interested in gardening in Alaska, worms are a valuable commodity here. Although there is a local population, it is small and the worms themselves appear sawed off. I had to import these red wrigglers and let them live in the house all winter. Worms do not survive the winter here, but their eggs do. There is no local supplier of worms and there are ads seeking worms all the time. I added a few thousand to this space and I hope to have a very healthy population over the next few years. In about two weeks it will be time to plant most things outside. Last year I let the garden go a bit with all the other things going on but I hope to stay on it this year. It has been busy for me outside but I love it. It is light until past 11:00 p.m. so I have been outside cleaning up, cutting next years wood and just enjoying being physically active again. Damn, winters are long here. I intend to write next time about how the assault laws are total BS in Alaska, since there is this claim that Alaska is just awash in violence. As you can imagine, the point I will try to make is that the statutes are overly broad and the small population skews results. But, for now, I have still have wood to cut. So tomorrow, while I am still fuming about the Miller case. P.S. Alyssa is still not walking much but she likes to stand there and think about it!

2009-05-08T21:09:00.004-08:00

So, Alaska became a little less free today. The Supreme Court handed down its decision in Miller v. State (see http://www.state.ak.us/courts/ops/sp-6369.pdf). The bottom line is the police can now investigate people for merely having an argument. The Court seemed to suggest that merely having an argument is so dangerous that it can lead to violence. One of the shining lights of Alaskan jurisprudence has been Coleman v. State 553 P.2d 40 ( Alaska 1976) where the Court held that a cop can conduct an investigative stop only when the officer has “a reasonable suspicion that imminent public danger exists or serious harm to persons or property has recently occurred”. That is one of the cases that made Alaska so unique. That is one of the cases that made me so proud to practice here. But Miller seems to gut Coleman. I am upset because the case is just such 'bad' law. I can deal with cases that are bad for the defense when they make sense. I had to stop reading it several times during the day because I was getting so pissed. Talk about a stretch. The dissent is only about a page. Clearly the Chief Justice and Justice Matthews did not feel it was necessary to spend a lot of time pointing out the flawed logic of the majority. I can't understand the reasoning of Justices Carpenti, Eastaugh and Winfree. As of today, having an argument is enough to justify an investigative stop. You know it is bad when I get a call at work that Alaska is now a little more like California . Simply astounding. And incredibly sad.

2009-05-06T21:55:00.004-08:00

So, life in Alaska continues. Tonight when I got home the power was out in half the house. It is hard to tell from this picture but the meter is crooked. As the ground melted the frost heaved the meter up disconnecting half the house, including the water power supply. As I type right now I am wearing a headlamp and the computer is powered by a series of extension cords. Lovely. We have no water and we are running the things we absolutely need with extension cords. It just adds to the frustration I have felt lately as I have repaired all the things broken by the ice and snow that covered our life for the last 8 months. F&^%. F&^%. Oh well, it is like we are camping. Nothing much else is new. The renters have not paid their rent and probably won't. The new truck I bought had some parts illegally stripped off it that I need to replace. The rototiller I borrowed shattered after a pass. I am borrowing money to buy milk at $3.99 a gallon. I am at my limit. I actually had chest pains today. That was fun. I had to sit on a stump for a while and let them pass before I could work in the yard tonight. A friend is thinking of moving to Phoenix. For fun we looked at prices. Milk is $1.57 a gallon ($3.99 here). Gas is $1.67 a gallon ($2.67 here). I can't explain it but Alaska has been really chafing on me lately. Thank God I get to go home in a few weeks. See the people that I grew up with. Sit in my old haunts and remember what it was like to be young. I want to sleep on the beach at Long Beach and drink Wiser's Rye whiskey and remember the times I drove up there in my old FJ-40. At least the pigs are happy. We finished their pen last night. They were getting squirrelly in the horse trailer, and I don't blame them. Grow little pigs. When it is -30 and dark, your flesh will nourish our bodies and buoy our spirits. What a f'ing day.

2009-05-03T22:09:00.005-08:00

So, I can't even begin to describe how nice it has been this weekend. With weather in the 60's and 70's we had a nicer weekend than all of last summer combined. You really can't appreciate a Spring day until you have waited 20 months for it. Simply amazing. For the most part I stayed home and did things around the house. However, today Jesse and I took his skiff out to Tustumena Lake to work out the kinks. A few minor issues like flat tires and broken tail lights and the lake is still frozen a few hundred yards past the entrance to the Kasilof (you can see the line of ice behind me) but still a great trip. We treated it like a test run, as it was the first real run of the year. My boat is, as usual, in the shop. I love that lake. We landed to make a fire and have some food and our only real company was this fellow, wherever he was. I kept my gun on me in case he decided that the smell of cooking sausages was worth exploring. I can only hope this weather lasts a bit longer. We are all a little sunburned and I lost a few plants that could not handle the heat, but it is worth it. Quite simply, a really, really good weekend here in the Great Land.

2009-04-29T20:48:00.002-08:00

So, yesterday I had had it. I had even had it with Alaska. It started with the boat. It turns out that I had improperly drained the heat exchanger and it cracked. Oh, I learned how to do it while taking the broken parts off. Then I had to go fix the cracked faucet in the butcher shop (which did not crack last year so I thought would be fine). I had to spend $210 just to get the studded tires off the vehicles, as it is illegal to have them as of Friday. I got paid yesterday but I spent almost the entire paycheck on the regular bills and a bunch of unexpected things. By the time I got home almost the entire check was gone in just one day. I was fuming. I was sick of the cold breaking and shattering and tearing and destroying things that need to be replaced. Stopping to get groceries for the family and animals that I knew would cost far, far less in the lower 48 made me even madder. Then, to top it off, on my way I stopped to get the mail as I always do. The mail contained a bill for $343 for doctors visits. I must admit it pushed me over the edge. Our godammned shitty State benefits. ARRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHH. By the time I got home I was furious. Furious at the world. There was no way to hide it. April is bad enough in Alaska but it seems for me that it is a tough month financially. I was pissed. Nothing calmed me down. Towards the end of the night I was still angry. Thinking about even leaving Alaska. I was fuming as I worked on my chainsaw out in the workshop (luckily it just needed a new chain). Kadee was sitting beside me on a stool. I wasn't talking much as I was lost deep in my anger. Kadee was looking around the shop and listening to the chicks, who have been moved out of the spare bathroom to the shop. The, suddenly, out of the blue, Kadee said "wow dada you have a lot of stuff". Wow. It just put it all in perspective. It was like a needle deflated the ball of anger I had been carrying and building all day. Wow dada you have a lot of stuff. Thank you Kadee. I love you.

2009-04-26T11:24:00.005-08:00

So, in the grand tradition of all the names I have been called over the years (Tractorboy, Hillbilly, Squidbilly, etc..you get the point) I got up early yesterday, picked two nice ones out of the horse trailer they arrived in, and put two piglets in the back of the Suburban. They are now living in the back of my horse trailer because the ground is still too frozen to finish their pen. I hope to get them out of there soon but so far they are just sleeping a lot. They are still stressed out from their journey and I am going to make them sort of treat today to get them on their feet. I figure I may not save the world by growing more of our food, but I'm not hurting it as much. I buy Alaska made grain to help reduce the carbon footprint of the meat even more. And even if I save even two pigs a year from the horror of a factory farm, that is worth it to me. These two pigs are going to have the best life I can give them. Besides I just plain like to have animals around. True, it is more work. But even that has benefits. It gives me physical activity I sorely need after a long winter, the kids love all the animals and the garden is going to love the manure. Hog manure is simply excellent fertilizer and when I am cleaning it up I just think of all the lovely tomatoes and potatoes and beans (etc.) that will result. We celebrated AJ's birthday last night with a few friends over. We had the first bonfire of the year, drank homemade wine and I cooked up a big pot of bear and moose spaghetti. I can taste summer just around the corner!

2009-04-24T12:15:00.002-08:00

So, happy birthday to my "number 2" girl. It's too bad your sister gave you her eye infection. I can't believe it has been a year and I can't wait to see you grow up. I don't know you that well yet because you are just starting to really move around on your own. But there are some things that I do know, and they amaze me. Like how did you get so unflappable and so easy going? If you cry then we know something is wrong. You were that way right from the beginning. You smile and laugh easier than any person I have ever known (except maybe your Uncle Gabe). You are a beautiful girl and you are going to be stunning as a woman. I can't wait to get to know you and spend time with you and watch you blossom into the amazing woman that I know you are going to be. One day when you are captain of that submarine or performing open heart surgery or acting on that silver screen, or whatever it is you choose to do, I hope you remember that I loved you from the second I saw the crown of your head. With each day, my love and admiration for you only grows. Happy Birthday little one. I love you, Daddy.