i wonder

wet exit

2009-12-05T19:32:00.002-06:00

Although I don't espouse all of the "god speak" that Donald Miller uses in his new book, I can certainly appreciate the life of growth and the message of living intentionally.

I first got to know about Donald Miller when I read Blue Like Jazz. I immediately was taken with his style. I loved his honesty. And I loved how this honesty continued throught the rest of his writing. His latest A Million Miles in a Thousand Years doesn't disappoint.

The only problem is now I have to find people to go with me here and here.

learning how to breathe

2009-11-08T19:50:00.002-06:00

When I was first told of this 10 day meditation course in Vipassana Meditation I had visions of mellow long-hairs with Peter, Paul, and Mary accompaniment sitting calmly facing a gold-leafed statue of The Buddha. The children's tent featured Sharon, Lois, and Bram and an all-you-can-eat raw vegetable stand up bar. Everything was flowing. The clothing was loose, the speech was liquid and tempered, and everything in between was certified organic. Rod had a bit of convincing to do, but I decided to join him.

We arrived on a Sunday late afternoon to register. We were again asked if we were willing participants and that we would seriously commit to the precepts laid down by the course. I also had to agree that I would not leave FOR ANY REASON (barring family emergency). At this point I became very hesitant. Sure, I new they would be requiring this of me...it said so right in the application form, but now it seemed very creepy. Next you'll be asking me if I'd like some Kool-Aid, and it's off to bed for a nice LONG nap. Longish mental hesitation (which really is only a few seconds in real time)...and I signed the agreement.

We were allowed to talk during the first meal...and sit on the female side of the dining room. I sat with a man whom I later found out was a real gem. Unselfish living to the extreme. Non-conforming, initiative-taking, earth and family-loving, spreader of real joy. This was his third course. I wondered at the time if he was a bit daft. I wondered if he was trying to escape like Dave whom I met at a summer tree planting job in 1986. We all thought he was hiding from the cops up there in Northern B.C...killed his wife, maybe. Slip out the back, Jack.

The meeting before entering the meditation hall for the first time was the last time that we were allowed to speak. We were given our final instructions and again had to agree to the precepts. When the bell rang, we moved to the outside of the hall. We were called in one by one and given our place on the floor where we would be returning every day for the meditation times. I was the last one to be let in...punctured to the core by Manitoba mosquitoes remembering precept # 1 - no killing. Since when is H at the end of the alphabet?

The hall was very quiet and inviting. We left our shoes by the door. The lighting was low and the colours were soft. There were three distinct areas. Men on the left and women on the right, teachers at the front facing the students. Made me think of the Old Colony Mennonite Church I attended my first 10 years of life. "Strike one", I thought.

Everyone had their place and all that they brought with them to sit. Mats, cushions, foam, chairs, benches, and braces. I was excited to see how things would turn out with my new cushion. There was an air of anticipation as we were ready to begin...we sat waiting for the start...legs crossed, back straight, arms at rest, and eyes closed. The Lotuses at the Green Spot would have taken a second glance...or at least half of them, anyways.

Focus on the breath as it enters and leaves the nostrils. Concentrate on the area just inside the nostrils and the area just on the outer edge of the nostrils. Notice if there are any sensations in that area...but just observe. Do not react to them...just observe. Just Observe.

Three days later...

We will now be moving from the area immediately surrounding the nostrils and the area just above the upper lip, to the rest of the body. Start at the top of the head and slowly move throughout the body passing through each part. Start at the top of the head and move through each part of the body, piece by piece...part by part. Passing through each part of the body separately. When you come to a part of the body where you notice a certain sensation, just stop and observe...just observe. Do not react with any kind of aversion or craving towards that sensation...just observe. Observe the truth as it is. Do not try to change anything...just observe. Sensations rise and they pass, rise and they pass. Everything is impermanent. Just observe them as they rise, and observe them until they pass. Do not react to them...just observe.

For 6 days we observed.

Strike two was pitched on day 8. A slider. Too much of what I didn't anticipate. The quiet bullpen was a good place to work it through and shake it off. It's too late in the game to slip out the back.

Day 9.

Tomorrow after the morning group sitting we will be allowed to speak once again. It's been good not to speak...takes the pressure off of managing the social with the work. Leaves more time for the work. The work has been difficult, but tomorrow I get to talk to Rod. I'm going to ask him if he knew it was me who left the rock in his shoe at the end of day 3. I'm going to ask if the refried bean burritos on day 6 wasn't the best thing ever, or if the homemade chocolate chip cookies on day 5 made anyone else just about cry, or if I could please get the recipe for the sunflower-tamari dressing.

Rod said he knew it must have been me who put the rock in his shoe. I saw how he was looking around when he noticed it. I tried not to communicate a smile. It was all I could do to not bust out. One becomes a little giddy after not talking for so many days.

At lunch on day 10 we were all pretty chatty. It felt a little strange looking into the face of the person across from you at the table. We had become accustomed to averting our eyes. Lunch took much more time now that there wasn't just chewing and swallowing. We could also finally put a voice to the face, and find out that many of our assumptions about our observations of people were dead wrong. Like the guy I sat with on the first Sunday at lunch. He was a pleasure to know. And the guy who I thought looked like a pretty rough individual, turned out to be a film director with a sensitive heart. And the woman who seemed to look like she knew me, did in fact live across the street from me in Brandon 10 years ago...and this is her 7th course!

There were many other strong connections made that last day, but I think they were as strong as they were because of all the days before that last one. We had an immediate bond. Old with young, male with female, privileged with marginalized, alike with same. We had all arrived as individuals and we would be leaving as a community. A community that set 10 precious days aside to learn how to breathe.

dad's latest thing

2009-11-01T18:30:00.021-06:00

I can't help it.

I have an addictive personality.

It's something that not even my daily meditation can cure.

But now I can proudly say that I have managed to gather some disciples at my feet.

And my followers' extra sets of eyes are perfect for dad's latest thing.

9found...932 733 to go.

the boy behind the mask

2009-10-31T23:55:00.003-05:00

Halloween.
One of the first things I think about on this day is a book which I have always had good intentions of reading...but never have. All Hallows' Eve by Charles Williams. I have a memory of the cover in my mind. A woman laying on her back on a table with her head hanging over the edge and facing the reader. I have always held the thinking that she is a virgin sacrificed to satan on the unholy sacred day...I never have read the book so I really don't know what the book is about. I just assumed that it was so from what I have long held Halloween to be about.

One of my very good memories from a bank filled with good ones is from a from years ago when I started taking Sam trick-or-treating. It didn't take Sam getting treats from more than one house before he began shouting in full sprint to the next one, "I LOVE HALLOWEEN!" And he would do this after every house for the next hour and a half. I can still hear it...that's because he still does it and did it tonight. Sure he's calmed down a bit and saves the comment for every fourth or fifth house, but that's because he's too busy saying stuff to homeowners like, "Thank you very much", and, "I love your pumpkins".

Today, in the middle of my joy of the season, I became momentarily sad. There was this masked man...o.k. a masked boy, really. He needed to get something off of his chest. I know this because he said it without any introductions...no usual fear as might usually be there if one were unhidden. Today, he said, I picked up the phone at three and there was a boy who asked if I was going trick-or-treating. I said yes, I was. Then he said that I hope you have fun worshipping satan. Long...astonished...but not entirely surprised...pause.
Homeschooler...probably never read the book...I said, awkwardly...hoping to comfort...for levity. We continued to go from well-lit door to welcoming smile...the dread of satan's touch always at our side.

Feet tired, we returned with our catch. Sort the loot and sigh... visions of jack o' lanterns still in our heads. Another good crop. The lord has seen fit to bless us once again.

All The Diamonds - Bruce Cockburn

2009-04-19T23:40:00.001-05:00

I spent four years studying at Briercrest. Four year of life that I seem to tell people these days that I am not paid for. No credit to me financially in my teaching career. But I often take the time to tell people of how one evening, I was asked by a fellow student to go for a walk in the chilled autumn evening to his car in the student parking lot to listen to a song. A song that had added colour to his life.
This moment of intentional sharing has paid dividends over the last 20 years that have likely been more valuable than any monetary compensation for my years of study.
The song was All The Diamonds by Bruce Cockburn.

while Lucifer was away

2009-03-08T10:08:00.003-05:00

Above, Cheri's black bean dip and below, her red pepper hummous.

Brian's fish croquettes

Cheri's smoked Salmon quiche

I seem to be serving this a lot after many meals...4-year old cheddar with dark chocolate, almonds, figs and dates.

kissed the girls and made them cry

2009-02-22T12:03:00.007-06:00

Deep-fried breaded dates stuffed with chorizo sausage and wrapped in bacon

Ooo la-la...Karla's dip

Yoghurty goodness

chicken liver fricassee

cheese empanadas with pepperoncini and olives

asparagus wrapped in prosciutto

nothing to see here

2009-02-07T09:55:00.013-06:00

Garlic-rubbed, tomato and basil topped toast, with smoked salmon, fresh mozzarella ball and parmesian shaving

Cheri's smoked salmon for her salad

roasted red pepper stuffed with tuna and capers

green olives with anchovies

sunday school material

2009-01-24T18:05:00.008-06:00

Cheri's brie quesadillas with mango chutney

Ricotta fritters

polenta, which I served warm with creamed salt cod

a little of everything

forget the silk, just give me the spices

2009-01-18T14:28:00.007-06:00

My birthday was on December 16 but things didn't work out during that time for Joyce and me to go out for dinner, so we left it until after Christmas.

Last year she took me to the best Indian food restaurant in the city, and this year we thought we'd try the second best...just so that we could compare.

As far as I'm concerned, the food was the same. There was not really any way for me to tell the difference. However the decors are worlds apart. Last year's trip brought us to a place of guilded wallpaper, woven carpets and gold leaf statues. This year's outing was all painted drywall and flatscreen T.V.s blasting all of the latest Baliwood music videos. But the company was fantastic, so the decor didn't really matter. What I really went for was the food and company anyway.

A result of the outing was that I got that India cuisine on the brain...all chutneyish and Tandoorified.

Of course I had to go home and see if I could make any of this myself. And the first place I went to check for authentic recipies was my Moosewood collection. It didn't take long. Book #2: The Enchanted Broccoli Forest...and all meatless.

The dishes displayed here are all of the ones mentioned on p.222 and 223. The Yellow dish is Indian Pulao. The Hearty one just to the right of the Pulao is spiced lentils. The three sauces are date and orange chutney, parsley chutney, and yogourt sauce or "Raita". The flatbread is called Chappatis.

I've taken a photo of the recipe book if anyone is interested in making these.

Whenever I make something new Sammy asks me what it tastes like. My answer is always the same...yummy goodness, Sam. Yummy goodness.

panpepato

2008-11-29T12:15:00.003-06:00

I've read that this is a Roman Christmas favourite. It's filled with nuts and fruit, sweetened with honey and wine, and dark with chocolate.

2 cups flour
1 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 tsp each pepper and ground nutmeg
1/4 tsp cinnamon
2-1/2 cups each whole unblanched almonds and hazelnuts
2-1/2 cups chopped walnuts
1-1/2 cups golden raisins
1-1/4 cup candied fruit
2/3 cup minced orange rind
1 cup liquid honey
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup dry white wine
3 oz semisweet chocolate, melted
icing sugar

In a small bowl, blend flour, cocoa, pepper, nutmeg and cinnamon; set aside. In separate bowl, combine almonds, hazelnuts, walnuts, raisins, candied fruit and orange rind; set asid.

In large saucepan, bring honey, sugar, and wine to a boil; reduce heat and simmer for 2 minutes. Remove from heat; stir in chocolate. Blend in flour mixture, then nut mixture.

Divide into 3 portions; place each on on waxed paper. With wet hands, shape into 10 x 4 inch logs, pressing to break air bubbles and pushing in any exposed nuts. (you wouldn't want yor nuts showing, afterall). Peel off paper; place on greased baking sheet.

Place in cold oven; turn to 350 F and bake for 40 minutes or until lightly browned. Let cool for 10 minutes; let cool completely on racks. Wrap in plastic and foil; let stand for 24 hours

To serve, sift icing sugar over top.

So...try it yourself, or show up to tapas on Friday. I'll be serving it with the coffee at about 9 or 10.

yummy goodness

2008-10-26T17:39:00.002-05:00

polenta

2008-09-28T15:22:00.001-05:00

We just got our last portion of the year from our share in a local garden Co-op. It's been quite a challenge some of the weeks to come up with dishes to make that the entire family will not turn their noses up at. Like, really...what are you supposed to do with an enviro bag full of kale?

Today, while everyone was at church, I was sitting at the dining room table looking through some of my Moosewood cookbooks and came across something I'd seen before, this recipe for a polenta dome. I've never made polenta, but always was intrigued by the thought of it.
It turned out great and everything was so fresh that, I'm thinking, this would only be this great at this time of year.

Polenta is to the Italians as what potatoes are to the North Americans and the Irish, and what rice is to the Orient. The most basic recipe of polenta is boiled cornmeal with a little salt. This polenta dome has caramelized onions and garlic, shredded summer squash, and grated cheddar and parmigiano-reggiano cheeses. It is served with marinated roasted vegetables. Almost any vegetables will do...the more colour, the better the photo opp.

holy!

2008-09-27T11:58:00.003-05:00

2 to the power of 1 = 2

2008-09-24T20:25:00.003-05:00

"Mr. H.? My sister said that you said that you believe in gays...is that true?"

"If by 'belief' you mean do I think that everyone has the right to love anyone they want to love and that everyone's sex life is their own business, then , yes, I do believe in gays."

Honestly...just because I stop believing in Santa Claus, doesn't mean that I stop believing in EVERYTHING!

tongue in cheek

2008-09-13T12:04:00.006-05:00

These things just seem to go too fast. The tapas Fridays, I mean. You know, you've got all these amazing people show up with fantastic food which they've prepared or finish preparing at our home, and then during the evening several tempting conversations are calling from all corners of the room, and then there's the fire and the homemade music coming from the boys outside...and, before you have a chance to take it all in, everyone is saying goodnight. All we're left with are feelings of warmth and wonderful mental (and digital) images of time well spent. Poor us. Boo hoo hoo.

gochisosamadeshita

2008-05-25T19:16:00.020-05:00

Translation from Japanese: it was an honourable feast.

_______________________________________

Tapas this week was smaller than usual in attendance, but not small on presentation and gastronomy. Here are some of the food highlights:

makizuchi - wrapped sushi [ Luci's sushi ]

Curried scallops and zucchini by Cheri

Cucumber cups with three different fillings by Brian.

Curry chicken
Mediterranean
Asian chicken

Spinach frittata by Cheri

"the best tapas...so far"

2008-04-12T13:26:00.017-05:00

Blue Cheese Potato Tarts

Sweet Pepper Salad and Lebanese Tabbouleh in Pita Bread

Marinated Pork Tenderloin Medallions with Apple Chutney

"You'd better sit down before trying that."

And the thing that put the bomp in the bomp-she-bomp-she-bomp, was the seemless transition from eating to opening instrument cases. There was the sound of music...people were putting a part of themselves "out there"...something that we have been hoping would happen for some time.

My only issue was that people left at 10:30. What's up with THAT? When it was just the food and drink, people used to stay well past midnight and sometimes till 2:00am. Now that the music has started, we'll have to keep that going AND get people to stay late.

If only we could get Cheri to stop yawning so early in the evening.

happy easter

2008-03-20T17:13:00.002-05:00

Resurrection Buns

Combine:

2 Tbsp yeast
2 tsp sugar
1 cup warm water

Let mixture rise. (indeed)

Combine in large mixing bowl:

3 cups warm water
1 cup oil
2 eggs
2 tsp salt
1/4 cup sugar

Add the yeast mixture and then add 10 cups of white flour and mix together until no longer sticky. You will probably need to add more flour as you adjust the texture. Kneed until smooth and elastic. (Approx. 8-10 minutes) Let rise in a greased bowl until double.

To form buns, cut off egg size pieces from the dough and pop a large marshmallow into the centre of your dough piece and pinch securely around the marshmallow. Roll on the the table to smooth the ball of dough into a nice bun shape. Dip top of ball into melted butter and roll in a mixture of brown sugar and cinnamon. Place on greased baking sheet and let rise for 90 minutes. Bake at 390 degrees for 16-18 minutes.

Makes 40-50 buns.

hope floats

2008-03-18T15:17:00.001-05:00

Speaking of GROANING...

I got invited to do the swim portion of the Morden Triathlon last year and fared quite well, but had an interesting experience, which lead me to believe that I'm perhaps not invincible.
The race organizer announced in the pre-race meeting that the water temperature fell within the range to allow wetsuits, to every one's relief. I, on the other hand, had never practiced swimming with mine, although I came equipped with it. Many people like the suits because of the warmth and the added buoyancy.

The race began and we all politely made our way into the water without fighting for positions. I was swimming along...swim...swim...swim...when suddenly I felt the long large zipper at the back of my suit open, and my suit begin to fill with cold, cold lake water. I began to panic. What happens when a suit gets completely filled? Will I sink? Should I call out for help and get pulled from the water and therefore disqualify myself? What would my relay team members think?
The suit didn't continue to fill and so some of the panic left me. I managed to redo the zipper and compose myself. Just a moment or so later I was back into active stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe mode. After the 2 kilometers of self speak, I came out of the water ahead of perhaps 50% of the pack, and feeling quite pleased with myself for pressing on when panic came, and for finishing well.

It wasn't until some time alone during the 90 minute drive home that I suddenly began to feel fragile. I remembered the feelings of panic I had in the water when I thought I was going to go down. The feelings were foreign. I felt out of control. I thought of my wife and kids. I thought that perhaps my recent decision to rethink my concept of God was ill-timed. I remembered someone once telling me that dying by drowning is a horrible thing but that the moment just before death, there is an experience of euphoria or ecstasy, or some crazy thing like that. Then I thought, well, if that's true, how do they know that's true? Who's the guy they get to do the experiment?

This year I heard rumblings that I will be asked again, which would suit me fine. I just hope that I can remain bouyant after losing all of this winter baggage. Hopefully the day will be another cold one and we can use the wet suits once again.

you say fah-ZHWAY-dah, I say fay-ZHWA-dah

2008-03-17T21:12:00.002-05:00

Moosewood Vegetarian Feijoada

tapas

2008-03-15T18:40:00.002-05:00

I've had tapas on the brain lately. So I made some...again...and will continue to do so every other Friday until my restaurant opens. If I get around to it, I'll eventually invite everyone who is interested in joining the crew who have passed through my Friday back door. Be prepared for much more than great tapas, but you'll have to be here to find out what you're missing.

lunar

2008-02-21T13:09:00.005-06:00

leaning into the winter wind

steadied by a pair of legs

a flash through hibernating limbs

an ensnared orb captured

new title

2008-01-04T13:34:00.000-06:00

I have changed to title of the blog to perhaps marry it with the intent of this space. The old title I Wonder no longer seemed appropriate as I have made the focus here to be more about food.

I have been thinking a little further about what I hope to accomplish here, and a title having to do with food would not be entirely fitting. Therefore I have chosen The Groaning Board to perhaps give a broader focus than simply food; although a groaning board has almost everything to do with food, and abundance, and plenty.

Simply put, a groaning board refers to how the cupboards on which the food was served in colonial times groaned under the weight of so much delicious food. It is a bountiful spread of delicious and nutricious food.

I'm not one to go around quoting bible verses, but something that comes to mind when I think of the word groaning, is a verse in Romans where the author says that when there is something in us that needs to get out, but we are unable to form the words, the spirit says them for us with groans that words cannot express. That is a lovely picture of what I hope the groaning board will do.

As I thought of this description, I immediately felt that it would be an appropriate name for the collective. It would not only be a fitting description of what I hope the restaurant will become, but leaves room for the much broader intent of the collective; which is to provide opportunities for an abundance of food, music, art, culture, discussion, understanding, and personal growth. To provide a place where people will share their lives in ways beyond simple language. To express their life passions with language that crosses many boundries.

So, here's another step towards the goal. Remember, though, I have 14 years to get this all together. Who knows what it will become. And you're not allowed to hold me to anything.

Mushroom Bisque

2008-01-02T08:01:00.000-06:00

I didn't think that I would quickly find a soup that I liked better than carrot, but it has happened; and on p. 21, seven pages before carrot in the Moosewood cookbook. Here it is:

6 Tbsp butter
1 stalk celery
3 fist-sized potatoes
1.5 cups chopped onion
1.5 cups stock or water
approx. 2 tsp. salt
1.5 lbs. fresh mushrooms
1/4 tsp. thyme
3 cups milk, scalded
1 cup heavy cream
2-3 Tbsp dry sherry (I used 3)
1-2 Tbsp. Tamari (which is a deluxe soy sauce; I used reg. soy)
fresh black pepper
freshly-chopped chives or scallions

Slice potatoes thinly. Chop celery and mushrooms coarsely. Begin cooking the onion in butter, adding 1 tsp. salt. When the onion becomes translucent add the potatoes and the celery. Continue to cook over fairly low heat, mixing well, so the butter coats everything. After several minutes add the mushrooms, water, and remaining salt. Cover and cook over medium heat 15 minutes. Remove from heat and let cool to room temperature.

Puree the entire mushroom mixture in a blender until absolutely smooth. Return it to a soup kattle (if possible, use a double boiler or a "waffle" heat-absorbing pad) and heat very slowly, with utmost care, as you whisk in the scalded milk, cream, sherry, and tamari. Heat only until hot enough to serve! If cooked or boiled, this soup will easily curdle and loose its texture.

Serve immediately, topped with freshly-chopped chives and freshly-grated black pepper. This soup goes well with garlic croutons.